My heart was broken last night. In an instant, everything felt permanently over, and it only felt sad to me. It felt like being the butt of a joke that you didn't even know was being told until everyone was laughing. Soaking everything I own in mascara tears while listing all the reasons I'm so unlovable, fat and unacceptably wildly weird, initially felt like the direction I should go with this. In fact, I did. It being Christmas conveniently enhanced my need to wallow. Oh and there were text messages. Emotional, embarrassing text messages that fell flat because they only matched my passion. It has nothing to do with my undying love for the other person. There isn't a love I'm fighting to protect or save. It's human nature. It has everything to do with my need to be loved by someone who simply doesn't love me. It's amazing how in heartbreak we can instantly turn the idea of one person not loving us into surely never being loved ever again by anyone ever. The thing is, it was time for closure. Logically I know it's time for a clean break... I just wanted to be the one making the clean breaks. I want to be the one kissing a new love goodbye at the end of the night unmoved by anything still pulling at me from the past. Wisdom, age, and experience with heartbreak tell me that the sooner I get back to loving myself and others, the sooner I can get back to living fully. The sooner I will be open to finding someone who will love me fully. I want that. I do. I want the dorkiest parts of my body ravished by a super positive, hilarious, financially stable dude with camping gear and a manbun who never wants to get married or have kids. This is Portland; my neighborhood coffee shop is filled with these types. Instead, I sit around crying over the person who isn't all the things I want, simply because he doesn't love me anymore. I wish there were some sort of plastic cone I could wear on my head like a dog to keep from licking these wounds, so they'd heal faster. Is there one? How do you heal your heartbreaks? #dogcone #brokenheart #woundlicker #arttherapy #singleforlife #love #lettinggo #portland #pdx #pnw #manbun #frauloca (at Portland, Oregon)