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[frauloca]

It's totally snowing right now!!! My inner Californian is trying really hard to keep it cool. I just keep reminding myself what part of town I live in, so that I don't compulsively start eating it and rolling around in it. ☺️ #snowdaypdx #snow #portland #pdx #pnw #frauloca (at Portland, Oregon)

[frauloca]

@joannathangiah, I would rather look at your art than bask in the love of a thousand men. Which I guess isn't saying much since I'm earnestly saving myself for a Leslie Mann/Judd Apatow kind of love anyway. I used to use the things I hated about myself to motivate change. I'd get an idea of who I should look like and then adapt weird food restrictions. I'd make my body do these things that it didn't like, in the wrong atmosphere, never giving a bit of attention to how it was making me feel. I never listened to my body; never knew I could. In the end, I would hate myself for not trying hard enough, despite rigorous efforts. I knew about self-love and sometimes tried for like a minute, but never the kind of love I've been willing to give to others. Around Thanksgiving, I started taking in anything I could on self-love. I started following positivity and letting go of the toxic. I started being grateful for my body. Aches, pains, weirdness, wild proportions of uneven squishiness, all of it. I would actually start telling my body thank you, and I love you. It's funny how weird intentional dialogue with our body seems when in actuality we maintain such degrading inner dialogues. I finally realized that all the things I hated about my body, were just its way of trying to understand my stresses, communicate with me, and protect me. In reality, this body has been my most faithful friend, she always tries no matter how hard I ignore or abuse her. Once I realized I could listen & trust my body over emotions and bad advice from women's magazines, I did. You know what she told me, she only likes late-night pizza when I'm happy, never when I'm sad. My body super loves unprocessed foods, water, not that much alcohol, and to sweat it out in hot baths. She likes long walks around my city motivated by connection with people, not achieving the tiniest biggest ass. Am I right, is every magazine not telling me I need the tiniest biggest ass? What is my body supposed to do with that information? Ignore it. #selflove #portland #pdx #pnw #frauloca (at Portland, Oregon)

[frauloca]

My friend Sara took a bunch of awesome pictures, so I decided she could have her dog back. 🗻 #mounthood #besties #portland #pdx #pnw #friends #sisters #frauloca (at Mount Hood)

[frauloca]

The girls got to go to Mount Hood and play in the snow with my favorite family, but there was no room in the car for me. So I stole their dog. #onthelam #whosagoodboy #portland #pdx #pnw #frauloca (at Woodlawn Park)

[frauloca]

A hand typed note left for me in the room I'm staying in tonight.😭Here's to a year full of this kind of love. #glow #somedaywhen #love #friendship #2016 #bringit #portland #pdx #pnw #frauloca

[frauloca]

I rang in the new year with two of my best girlfriends, who happen to be a couple... Rebecca told me to mention that so I sound more exciting, 😂but I just sincerely thank them for never making me feel like the third wheel. We tucked our kids into bed. We shared our hearts and more than one bottle of champagne. Then we watched the clip from the Kennedy Center Honor Awards, where Aretha Franklin sings Natural Woman to Carole King who is sitting next to the Obamas. We watched it more than once. Let's just say I have channeled the energy I want to feel for 2016. We didn't talk about resolutions, we talked about desires. I no longer desire to make things in a world full of things. I just want to love people. I want to help humans who've forgotten they are human, feel human again. Here's to figuring out how. Happy New Year!!! I love you Rebecca & Sara! #NYE #happynewyear #2016 #caroleking #arethafranklin #kennedycenterhonors #naturalwoman #portland #pdx #pnw #frauloca

[frauloca]

I woke up yesterday with the realization that my life is suddenly a clean, bright blank slate. As a creative maker, nothing feels more exciting or like a gift than a new canvas. I'm so happy I was able to align myself with this perspective because it sure would be sad not to be aware and not move with intention through such an amazing point in my life. I choose forgiveness towards myself and others. I choose love for myself and others. I flirted with every single soul who dared get near me yesterday. I smiled at and looked into the eyes of every man, woman, and child I passed by as if to say, you matter, and you are seen by someone in this city. I decided that being love felt better than trying to be loved. This amazing thing happened though, almost everyone loved it. Three separate people told me I was "radiant"...what?! That's the kind of stuff girls on The Bachelor hear. An older Persian man said he could tell I was a philosopher by how my faced glowed, that's a new one. I liked it. He was also thrilled when I asked if he was Persian because no one in Portland notices him that distinctively. It melted my heart though my intentions were just to find out where the good Persian food is around here. With a connotation in her voice that implied she was giving a compliment, a sweet old woman suffering from the crack demons motioned to the guy behind her and whispered to me, "He is one bad motherfucker." So when I passed him, I high-fived him and told him, "I heard you were one bad motherfucker." He beamed, his friends cheered. While my kids spent their Christmas money, I got into a LONG conversation in the toy section with a guy about the history of toys in of terms gender neutrality and how we wish they would stop putting environment ruining microbeads in everything. He was like, "Who are you? Nobody will have a conversation with me about microbeads." I'll tell you who I am, a girl in love with her city. Thanks for loving me back Portland! Oof, and that sun today, though. #radiant #badmotherfucker #microbeads #cleanslate #blankcanvas #selflove #citylove #portland #pdx #pnw #frauloca (at Portland, Oregon)

[frauloca]

Oooooh, I wonder what they make in there? I hope it's milk chocolate bars, because I'm going in! 🍫💪🏼 #gettinit #becoming #sweatitout #portland #pdx #pnw #selfcare #selflove #frauloca (at Portland, Oregon)

[frauloca]

What perfect group of people to have in my life tonight. #grateful

[frauloca]

My heart was broken last night. In an instant, everything felt permanently over, and it only felt sad to me. It felt like being the butt of a joke that you didn't even know was being told until everyone was laughing. Soaking everything I own in mascara tears while listing all the reasons I'm so unlovable, fat and unacceptably wildly weird, initially felt like the direction I should go with this. In fact, I did. It being Christmas conveniently enhanced my need to wallow. Oh and there were text messages. Emotional, embarrassing text messages that fell flat because they only matched my passion. It has nothing to do with my undying love for the other person. There isn't a love I'm fighting to protect or save. It's human nature. It has everything to do with my need to be loved by someone who simply doesn't love me. It's amazing how in heartbreak we can instantly turn the idea of one person not loving us into surely never being loved ever again by anyone ever. The thing is, it was time for closure. Logically I know it's time for a clean break... I just wanted to be the one making the clean breaks. I want to be the one kissing a new love goodbye at the end of the night unmoved by anything still pulling at me from the past. Wisdom, age, and experience with heartbreak tell me that the sooner I get back to loving myself and others, the sooner I can get back to living fully. The sooner I will be open to finding someone who will love me fully. I want that. I do. I want the dorkiest parts of my body ravished by a super positive, hilarious, financially stable dude with camping gear and a manbun who never wants to get married or have kids. This is Portland; my neighborhood coffee shop is filled with these types. Instead, I sit around crying over the person who isn't all the things I want, simply because he doesn't love me anymore. I wish there were some sort of plastic cone I could wear on my head like a dog to keep from licking these wounds, so they'd heal faster. Is there one? How do you heal your heartbreaks? #dogcone #brokenheart #woundlicker #arttherapy #singleforlife #love #lettinggo #portland #pdx #pnw #manbun #frauloca (at Portland, Oregon)

[frauloca]

Even though they weren't ready for this jelly, I am so grateful they're my baby daddies. If I lined up all the dads in the world, I'd pick them every time. I love my family. So much. Merry Christmas. "And we're all in it together now as we all fall apart. And we're swapping little pieces of our broken little hearts." ~ @drdogmusic #family #babydaddiesbelike #coparenting #christmas #love #grateful #portland #pdx #pnw #thedads #thesisters #frauloca (at Portland, Oregon)

[frauloca]

Woke up feeling lonely, craving to be loved and cherished from an external source that simply doesn't exist for me right now. I deeply desire to make someone light up. I want to light up. Mailing my packages; I was able to help a homeless woman move her belongings to higher/dryer ground. I had coffee delivered and was able to encourage the delivery guy who was down. When we parted, he had a new huge smile. It reminded me that I am a gift, I am enough, I am love, connection is everywhere, even if I'm not anyone's little spoon. #sweetone #love #littlespoon #lonliness #selflove #kindness #youareenough #portland #pdx #pnw #frauloca #scottstabile

[frauloca]

H E L L O #hello #Adele #playingdressup #youtube #makeup #makeuptutorial #wingedliner #wingedeyeliner #portland #pdx #pnw #frauloca @adele (at Portland, Oregon)

[frauloca]

I was just telling my friend this story and decided I should tell everyone else too... About a week ago, I had been sick and one morning, it just occurred to me to focus on health instead of feeling miserable. I just decided to start feeling grateful, because my body was working hard to heal me. Later that morning as we were walking out the door to the bus stop, I was telling the girls that every day (since around Thanksgiving) as I wake up I start feeling excited & grateful. I told them that each day has a surprise, at least, one, and you just have to be looking for and expecting it. If you start feeling grateful for it before you even get out of bed, you'll start your day right and be on track to find it. We opened my apartment door and stepped out into the hallway, and there were all these beautiful organic teas and a sweet anonymous note from one of my neighbors that said, "I Hope you feel better soon. Sip some tea, good neighbor." I know it's partially because I'm a super loud cougher, but the girls were like, daaaaaang mom. #love #peace #healing #grateful #positivity #expect #nashville #throwback #portland #pdx #pnw #frauloca (at Nashville, Tennessee)

[frauloca]

Yesterday morning Truly helped me wake up her sister by gently rubbing her back and softly singing a song about a menorah. Then halfway through Truly goes, "You get the picture. You guys know what a menorah is right? There's like eight verses." Then she just stops singing, gives up on Normandy and goes on with her life. I get her so much. I am organizing my 7-year-old iMac and looking at every single file ever. Total cry-machine. Anyway, expect some throwbacks. Truly & Normandy are SO CUTE at age 3 & 4 in Nashville. #trulylouise #normandymae #sisters #menorah #happyholidays #nashville #throwback #portland #pdx #pnw #frauloca (at Nashville, Tennessee)

[frauloca]

Wow, right? It can be powerful and healing to change how we speak to people. I might try it out. Thanks, Mom, you seem headed in a really positive direction right now. You're a good Mom too! #mattdamon #robinwilliams #goodwillhunting #itsnotyourfault #mom #love #healing #relationships #portland #pdx #pnw #frauloca

[frauloca]

A throwback to Normandy & Truly caught playing dress up with Mommy's things, like little girls do...Never has there been a truer representation of their personalities... Last night I showed them parts of the Portlandia episode where Toni & Candace go to a Trailblazer's game. Six-year-old Normandy's reaction to the Blazer Dancers, what they were wearing, how they were dancing and who they were dancing for was immediately, "ew." She cringed and almost couldn't be convinced that this was a real thing. Ugh. Feminists, you know the type...😏LOL. We talked a little bit about how we can choose not to participate in and perpetuate our own objectification. Then I reminded her we needed to be supportive of all women, their talents, and what is individually fulfilling to them...I told her that some of these women were probably fulfilling dreams that they've had since childhood and that focusing on the things that objectify them was in a big way objectifying. Deep down inside, though, I was totally stoked she wasn't feeling it. My immediate reaction the first time I ever saw professional cheerleaders (Dallas Cowboys, I think) was to tie up my shirt and stuff it with two matching halves of the plastic eggs my mom's pantyhose came in. All the while, Seven-year-old Truly was laughing (crying and snorting) watching @sordociego She was impersonating his impersonations and memorizing one-liners. Truly calls Fred Armisen "Tank you, tank you very much" regarding his Lawrence Welk bit from SNL. I hope we bump into him or @carrie_rachel sometime when they're in Portland, so I can watch her dork out. It reminds of how I felt about Steve Martin and Gilda Radner. #comedy #feminism #thesisters #trulylouise #normandymae #portlandia #snl #fredarmisen #carriebrownstein #stevemartin #gildaradner #portland #pdx #pnw #trailblazers #frauloca #throwback #tbt