#wrap your tool

[hjbender]

What happens in Utgard

A cautionary poem

Jotunns are good, jotunns are nice Jotunns have cocks that are made out of ice They also have pussies, if you didn’t know Cold as the winter, soft as the snow

When summer in Asgard burns heavy and hot A wise man will go to the realm that is not In Jotunheim will he select him a runt And cool off his dick in a frosty blue cunt

But wise he is not, if he spills deep inside For jotunns are fertile when summer is nigh And should he return for another year’s trip The runt will be waiting, a babe on his hip

[beebob-mck]

They where giving out condoms in college today

They asked if I wanted to take some condoms. A Very young man. I doubt he would have been older than like 18. Followed by two girls roughly the same age. I was confused by the gesture and said “nah mate I don’t need them. What am I going to do? Dress it up before I beet the shit out of it”

This was the moment I realised it has been soo long I forgot that normal people occasionally so have sex. Wee bastard must’ve thought I was a sicko... I was talking about my dick... In hind site I probably sounded like one of those douchbags that don’t use condoms cause they think they dont need them.

[floraland-faded]

Wise words

[an-autonomous-collective]

friendly reminder that carrying an ax while riding a bicycle at 3 a.m. is considered probable cause for a search

[andys-army-bvb]

pierce the veil <3

[thekoreanman]

[darkviki-blog]

yup. That's my mother.

Mother (via text message): Dear my lovley daughter, Victoria, I gave birth to you-

Me *thoughts*: ewwwwwwwww I don't want to think about that

Mother (continued): Even though I may seem bitchy and it may seem like I constantly hate you and what you do; I don't. I just wanted to say that. I don't hate you; you are my daughter and I'm proud of everything you do and I'm looking forward to the special things that you will do later on in your life. Remember, DON'T BE A FOOL, MAKE YOUR BOYFRIEND WRAP HIS TOOL!!

Me (outloud): pahahahahaha!!!!!! THANKS MOM! I DONT' HATE YOU, TOO!

Mother (screaming from downstairs): I DON'T HATE YOU MORE!!

[screwsjustfall0ut]

I'm in love with them.