#wright face

[the-four-humors]

Fag it up a little. Goth it up a little.

[the-four-humors]

Did I *need* to spend $40 on a Sanrio kigu? No.

Does it make me feel cute and cozy? Yes.

[the-four-humors]

I don't really put my face on the internet much anymore, but I want to use this selfie to illustrate a point about how nasty the "lolol no one's saying men can't be masculine" trend is.

Back in the summer of 2019, right after Pride, I was experiencing a lot of hair loss and was so afraid of going bald that I decided to shave my head just to see what it would look like. I feel like I put a lot of stock in my hair to feel attractive, so it was a big deal. I was afraid I'd look ugly, but then when I looked in the mirror, I was hit with the biggest rush of gender euphoria. For the first time in my life, I was presenting super masc and it felt so good. I felt like a man.

I then let my hair grow out for 2.5 years (and got on a treatment plan for my hair loss). By February 2022, I had an undercut that went down almost to my shoulder.

And it made me so uncomfortable. Between the long hair, my facial hair being covered by masks, and my HRT just not giving me the results I wanted even after 4 years, I felt so awful. As I said to my partner during an emotional breakdown, every time I looked into a mirror, I couldn't see myself as a man. I just saw an ugly girl.

So one night, in desperate need of that dopamine hit I had in 2019, I shaved my head.

When I looked in the mirror, I saw a man. And I hated myself for it.

Suddenly I looked masculine. Tough. Aggressive. It was what I wanted, but I was afraid that people would treat me worse. I was afraid that I wasn't attractive anymore, since I wasn't soft and femme. It made me look older.

It's taken me a month to get over those feelings. To be able to see myself as a man and be okay with it. To remember that this is what I want, even if it's hard.

I needed SO MANY reminders from my partner that I was still loved and that I looked good. Masculinity positivity posts would have helped so much. But I knew if I asked for that kind of validation from strangers on the internet, I risked people clowning on my posts and telling me that men don't need positivity.

So let me end this post by saying, to both trans and cis men, it is okay to be masculine. You aren't ugly or aggressive. You are amazing.

[the-four-humors]

My hair's at an awkward length where if it gets mussed up it just stays that way and like. Smth about it is giving me major gender euphoria, like yeah that's just Some Guy and it's great

[the-four-humors]

Idk if any of my followers watch Drag Race but a trans man made it to the top four this most recent season and man if that didn't light a fire inside me

[the-four-humors]

When you masc it up to pick up your prescriptions bc you can't stand to be misgendered today and you turn into every punk boy you had a crush on in middle school

[the-four-humors]

Happy birthday to meeeeee

[the-four-humors]

Haven't taken a selfie in foreverrrrrr but I'm feelin cute rn so