Wrong Lessons
Wrong Lessons I Learned:
Lesson from "A Christmas Carol": Bad mustard will give you an intense trip.
Lesson from "Peter Pan": Shadows are dicks.
Lesson from "Sleeping Beauty": Molesting comatose chicks will get you married, so don't do it.
Lesson from "Cinderella": Pretending to be rich will net you a rich husband, but only if you have small feet.
Lesson from "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves": If you live in the woods long enough, some random girl will show up and clean your house.
Lesson from "Beauty and the Beast": If you're really ugly, the only way to improve your social standing is to get a really beautiful wife.
Lesson from "Little Mermaid": If you want him to listen, shut up.
Lesson from "Aladdin": If you pretend to be rich, you can net a rich wife, but only if you have a nicely dressed monkey.
Lesson from "Hansel and Gretel": It's okay to destroy an old woman's home and then throw her into an oven, since she's probably a witch.
Lesson from "Alice in Wonderland": Don't look too deeply into the holes of bunnies.
Lesson from "The Wizard of Oz": You can give people what they already have and not only will they be thankful for it, they'll also do random tasks to get it from you.
Lesson from "Frosty the Snowman": Don't throw away a magic hat, some frigid asshole will refuse to give it back - just because he needs it to live... blah blah.