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I might quit my LARP game. And that makes me sad.

The plot hasn’t been that great recently. The GM had something happened that really doesn’t have much to do with my character. Like, seriously after her love interest died there wasn’t anything holding her down. She could just get up and leave. It also doesn’t help when your GM sends you and another on a special spying mission only to, surprise, their PC was in the same room with you the whole time you dolts. Like why the fuck were we needed.

And does anyone ever play with their derangement anymore? Okay, I admit I skipped the next Saturday mission that next night because I just didn’t care after the spying mission. But I had a good IC reason. Raine has PTSD. Do you really want to take her to war after it got triggered the previous night? So what the hell.

And nothing like finding out the day before game there was something that happened that would be of some interest to my character, but nope fuck you the other player who is ALWAYS fighting for the spotlight will just hand wave you off. Like oh right you’re a doctor, but I too have a 5 in medicine even though I’m legit not a doctor and somehow puts me on par with you. NM LOLZ

Like the fuck. Fuck you. Thank you so goddamn fucking much for making me feel relevant. You do realize I changed characters a year ago because you were doing the shit I wanted to do, right? Fuck off. I don’t care.

And then the goddamn cherry top is that my friend, who I pick up and drive to Game, was getting home from work at 8pm. I tend to get her at 9:15. So she asks, hey can you get me at 9:30. Sure man. Not like anyone shows up on time anymore. So why the fuck not. We get to the casino at 10. We’re unsure if anyone is there already. They’re not at the bar so we head for the lounge. No ones there. No biggy we walk back. We find another friend and the GM there. First was a hi, then I was lightly yelled at for not showing up on a Saturday that was two weeks ago. The first time in several months! I have not missed one fucking Saturday. But you know what, I’m a bigger person. I stare down at the floor awkwardly and say I’m sorry. I’m a big girl, I can handle it. What’s that? You texted me? Well, fuck my nipples I can’t hear anything in this noisy place, not even phone calls on max volume. So I dig out my phone as we all start to migrate back to the lounge and the message reads, “not coming out anymore?” Fuck off! I seldom miss a night or anything unless something happens to my brother who has been killing himself to drag himself to Game because he wants to only see me. And you dare say that to me? Fuck that noise.

So what not fuckers. Should I just throw my arms up and decide not to show up because you want to treat me like some of the assholes who don’t ever show up for months at a time repeatedly, while I, in since coming back two years ago, haven’t missed a day unless sick, had something for family going on, or the boyfriend having a panic attack. And no you cannot stare at me funny when my boyfriend has one in your living room like he’s crazy. If you know big tabletop sessions are insane and the players are unrulely to control, what chance is my boyfriend going to have to not have that drive him bonkers and feel like he’s wasting his time.

I used to love this Game. It was fun! It was like acting only without a script. And I always thought if I played long enough maybe I could feel important in the plot. Neither has happened. To the point when my character just only started to express her feelings about her love interest’s home being burned down and he killed, YOU go, ‘oh yeah I knew that already’ and hand wave it off. Like no. Fuck you. Why should I continue to push myself to continue to play if everything I do is pointless.

The only thing that had my spitefulness going last night was when I heard the sad news our one friend might be moving to FL soon. And while we’ll all miss her, and I will miss her, our GM basically offered her the SiC spot. She who hasn’t done anything. Not for trying at least. But it just pissed me off even more. And then to heard that, I was sad and laughing on the inside. I can be just as big of an asshole.

So maybe in the end I will quit. Fuck up the game because then no one will be picking my friend up to go. No one will quell out clan leader’s crazier thoughts. Cute ties with some friends if it means not wasting another minute or another night. Oh it’ll feel weird not going out. Or seeing you guys again. But you know what if it keeps me from being treated like an asshole when I only missed one fucking night in a year then maybe, just maybe it’s not asshole players that’s the problem.

#rant of the year #sorry it's so goddamn long #this has been building for over a month now #just wtf #wtf everything #Maybe I'll try the game my bf wants to with other friends #at least no one will yell at me #plus there's a dog there