I don't know what I want, but I know it's not this
It was a gloomy day, which wasn't surprising in the slightest. It was Washington after all, well, northern Washington. The clouds covered the skies in the early morning gloom as [Redacted] and their brother walked to their bus stop. It was routine, nothing new, and yet everything just always felt... off lately. The loneliness setting in despite the attempts to socialize both in person and online.
These words don't mean nothing once they've left my lips
"Are you okay? You've been more quiet lately." Their brother spoke up finally, noting his little siblings silence.
"I'm just tired, like always. Other than that, I'm fine." They replied, looking back at their brother as they got to their bus stop. It was always so quiet in the mornings.
Once they've left my lips, once-once they've left my lips
The bus dropped them off at school, and the day passed by in a blur. [Redacted]'s classmates were annoying as always, but nothing really notable. Though this one girl had been quite rude lately, it wasn't that big of a deal. And yet, every second just seemed to drain what little life they had out of them.
These words don't mean nothing once they've left my lips
"Its been a while, how's things going? Oh, before we start, here!" Their therapist tossed them a small bag of Hello Panda, it was something they enjoyed.
"Not much... my game has been pretty fun to play at least. Other than that? Tired, and we both know that's normal for me." [Redacted] gave a small chuckle.
"I know, and it shouldn't be. But tell me about this game you've been playing, what's got you so captivated about it?"
More awake inside of my dreams
When they finally got home and went to bed, they were surprised to see that they fell asleep quickly. But the problem was to dream once again, and this time they were wandering around somewhere dim. The shadow beside them was what really caught their attention.
Was that really you next to me?
"Dad, it's been so long..." They turned to see him more clearly. It had been just about 3 years since he passed.
But he was already walking, they followed along swiftly. Their father offered to hold their hand, which they took immediately. Leaning against him subtly as they walked. "Its not your fault, okay? I understand you feel guilty, but its not your fault."
[Redacted] teared up, it felt as if something was squeezing their chest. It probably would never go away completely.
Gimme what I want, who am I supposed to please?
When they woke up, it still felt the same as it did yesterday. The only difference being that they had seen their dad again in their dreams. Making the melancholy more heavy than usual. But even if they didn't want to, they had to get on with their day.
[Redacted] got dressed, and went downstairs for some cereal to eat before getting ready to leave later. They wanted to have a walk by themself today, hopefully their mom wouldn't mind too much.
Considering they've been behaving as they should, and doing extra lately, it should be able to give them some leniency.
Who am I supposed to please?
It had taken a bit of convincing, but their mother let them leave by themself. It was honestly really annoying how little faith [Redacted]'s mother had in them. It just made them feel worse honestly. Having to be perfect and still being treated like a toddler despite everything...
They sighed as they wandered around, the music in their headphones accompanying their thoughts. Why were the things the way they were? Why do people treat each other in such awful ways? The string of mournful wonderment accompanied with the surprisingly light songs was a contrast. But it seemed to fit perfectly in a sense.
Songs about moving forwards and looking ahead with those you love, while simultaneously thinking about how bad things happened and why.
It was distracting enough that [Redacted] did not see the car coming before it was too late. And even if they had seen it, would they have truly cared? Everything and everyone were just the same thing, over and over anyway.
Who am I?
[Redacted] woke up somewhere dark, but it had a fade to it. What was the name of the flower they'd seen with the color the black went into? Peony? It didn't really matter anyway.
What mattered was the woman in front of them. She was tall, pale, and had dusty pink hair that was short, and yet it covered her eyes. Her outfit consisted of a long sleeve off the shoulder shirt, jeans with stars speckled at the bottom along with ripped knees, and casual shoes.
It did not fit the off putting vibe that [Redacted] got from her. Making them feel incredibly anxious and small, some part of them simply too afraid to move. The woman just seemed amused.
"Little ghost, I'm not done with your story yet. But how shall I remake you?"
