A/N: This was a request from @thing-you-do-with-that-thing. This fits into the With You By My Side series, but I think it could be read as a one shot. Betaed by the wonderful @thorne93.
Characters: Jensen, Jared x Genevieve. Mentions of Reader.
Warnings: This is just a big, giant pile of angst.
Wordcount: 2278 (Look at me drabbling)
Request: I want to see Jensen's life a year after Y/N passed away in Be by my side. Have him talking to her headstone or a photograph or something. Has he moved or is he completely lost and destroyed by losing her? Tell me? Show me! You are gonna break my heart aren't you?!
It had been one year since you had passed away in Jensen's arms. One year since you had drawn your last breath just as the sun rose on the horizon.
Jensen was sitting in that exact spot now, watching the sunrise, coloring the horizon in different shades of pink while quiet tears stained his cheeks. He had the album you had given him in his lap, but he couldn't find the strength to open it. He didn't really have much strength to do anything these days.
He went to work, he did his job, he attended conventions and interacted with fans, always with a smile on his face. But as soon as he was alone again, the smile wavered from his lips and the feeling of emptiness and hopelessness consumed him once more.
A few weeks after you had died Jensen had met with your lawyer, everything you owned, you had left for him, including your house. But he had expected that. What he didn't expect was a handwritten letter that you had given your lawyer to give to him. It had taken another few weeks before he had found the strength to open it, and when he had read it, he wished he hadn't. Over the course of the year that had passed, he had clung to the words in that letter, angry at some of the things you wrote, heartbroken at some, and happy about other.
In his lap lay the album that you had made for him, the one containing all of your happiest memories, and of course that letter. The letter he had read a million times and now knew by heart.
**
Jared padded into the kitchen of his house where he was greeted with his beautiful wife and their two boys. The sun was barely up, but that was parenthood for ya, up with the sun each morning.
“Morning, babe,” he said, leaning down to kiss his wife.
“Morning,” she said, shooting him a halfhearted smile. “Have you talked to Jensen at all this weekend?” she asked, her amber eyes clouded with concern.
“No,” Jared said, his own eyes portraying the worry he had for his best friend.
“You know, it's a year ago today,” Genevieve reminded lightly.
Jared dragged a large hand through his hair and let out a sigh. “I know.”
It wasn't just Jensen that had lost a loved one that day. Jared had known you since the two of you were in high school together, and you and Genevieve had been friends since her and Jared had started dating. Tom and Shep had also lost their aunt that day. Everyone was still grieving, still trying to recover from their loss, and mostly the Padalecki family was doing okay, but Jensen, that was a different story altogether.
Jared had watched his friend mourn, cry, drink himself to oblivion and then when it seemed like he was doing a little better, he would fall back into his grief. It had been a year, and even though Jared knew that his friend needed time, he would have thought Jensen would be doing a little better by now.
“I'll go check in on him after breakfast,” Jared concluded before helping his wife setting the table.
**
Jensen hadn't moved for hours, he was just sitting in that same spot, looking at the lake in front of him, his mind blank as the odd tear made its way down his cheek. He felt numb, but still he was in pain.
He looked down at the scrapbook in his lap, his index finger gliding over the letters you had written on the front page ‘The adventures of Jensen and (YN)’ it read in big glittery letters. He pictured you, hunched over the table, pleased with yourself as you added as much glitter as humanly possible to the book. You had put a lot of time and effort into this album, and even though it hurt to look at the pictures in it, Jensen was grateful every day that you had taken the time to make it for him.
His eyes traveled to the couple in the photo on the front page, it was you and him in Bora Bora, big bright smiles on both your faces. Jensen's finger traced your face as tears welled in his eyes. That was how he remembered you, happy, full of life, and with that big beautiful smile on your lips. He didn't recognize himself in that photo at all. It had been such a long time since he had genuinely smiled, he barely remembered what it was like to be happy.
He opened the album and started flipping through the pages, looking at pictures from the night you first met, the night you had first kissed, the night you had moved into his house, the day you got married. He stopped on the double page that contained your wedding photos, and the tears once again danced down his cheeks. You looked so beautiful that day. He remembered how you had agreed to let everything go for one day, not to talk about your cancer, not talk about the future. That day was about the two of you becoming one, and it was one of the happiest days in Jensen's life.
There was a photo of you and Jared dancing as well, Jared had a big smile on his face and you had your head thrown back in laughter.
“That's a great picture,” Jared said from behind Jensen, making him jump a little in his seat. “Sorry man, I didn't mean to scare you,” he said, apologetically.
“It's fine,” Jensen said with a thick voice.
Jared placed his hand on his friend's shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze, letting Jensen know he was there for him. Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose to try and keep the tears at bay, but it was useless. Soon enough, Jared could feel his friend’s shoulder shake under his touch and he squeezed a little harder.
“You know why she was laughing so hard in that picture?” Jared asked as he went to sit down on the sunbed next to Jensen. When there was no answer, he took that as a sign to keep talking. “I told her I wanted to ask her something, something important and she did this really crappy impression of Don Corleone, ‘On this, the day of my wedding?’. I called her out on how bad it was and she laughed,” Jared said, smiling at the memory,
“She was never very good at impressions,” Jensen said, his voice void of emotion.
“That never stopped her from doing them, though,” Jared said, remembering many times you had them all in stitches with your antics.
“Why are you here, Jared?” Jensen asked, not enjoying this trip down memory lane, finally looking at his friend.
“I know what day it is today, figured you might need a friend,” Jared answered, shrugging his shoulders.
“It's not any different than any other day,” Jensen said dryly. “I just want to be left alone.”
“Listen. Go home, grab a shower and I'll give you a ride to the cemetery. We’ll stop on the way and get some flowers,” Jared gently ordered.
Jensen was quiet for a bit, and then he agreed. His plan was always to go there today anyway, and this way he didn't have to drive.
**
An hour later, Jensen was showered, dressed and in Jared’s car, heading for the cemetery.
The walk from Jared’s car to your headstone was long, his legs shaking as they carried him through the gravelly path between the graves.
“Hey, babe,” he said, barely audible, as he knelt down in front of your stone, his hands changing out the old bouquet of flowers with the fresh one. “I know you like lilies,” he said.
He sat there for a while, just looking at the engraving on your stone. ‘(YN) Ackles. Loving wife, friend and aunt.’
“I miss you… so damn much,” he choked out, pulling his lower lip in between his teeth to keep it from trembling. “I don't know how I'm supposed to go back to normal without you. I don't even know if I have a normal anymore. Everytime I let myself feel a little bit happy, I feel guilty for weeks. And then I remember this letter-” he pulled the envelope from his inner pocket “- and I feel even guiltier.” He let one tear fall from his emerald green eyes, not caring that his voice was shaking, not caring that he was talking to a stone, not caring if anyone saw or heard him. “It's not fair what you have asked me to do in this,” he said, clenching the letter in his hand.
Jensen opened the envelope and unfolded the letter, several pages that had gotten worn out from reading them so many times, and he started reading to himself.
To Jensen, the man of my dreams, the love of my life.
I know that our time together hasn't been easy, at least not this last year, but I want you to know how eternally grateful I am for the time we have shared, and for you. You have been so incredible, so selfless, so loving, and it breaks my heart that I have to leave you soon, but I know that somewhere down the road, you will be okay.
You asked me once if I was afraid to die, and I wasn't. I'm still not scared of death. I told you I was afraid of the things I would miss, like marriage and kids, Christmases and anniversaries. My dream was alway to marry you, to start a family with you, to grow old by your side, and I know you shared those dreams with me. You even made one of those dreams true by marrying me, making me feel like a princess for a day, making me feel love, wanted and safe. Now it's time for you to make your own dream come true.
Promise me you'll find someone. Someone that makes you happy, someone who sees how beautiful your soul is, someone who you can share your heart and grow old with. I don't want you to put your life on hold after this. You deserve to be loved, you deserve to feel happy.
I want you to go out there and find a beautiful girl and start a beautiful family with her, and then I want you to come out in the back yard with your children and tell them goodnight stories as the sun sets.
I am sorry that you have to go through all of this, Jensen. I never wanted that for you. But remember that you have so many amazing people around you that you can lean on. I'm sure that even as you read this letter, Jared is no more than a few minutes away. Let your friends help you heal, baby.
You made me happier than I ever thought possible, so please hold on to that.
Love, (YN).
“How am I supposed to do this, (YN)?” Jensen choked out. “How am I supposed to even think about any of this?” He wiped away at his tears just as he noticed someone approaching him, recognizing the shoes in his peripheral vision as Jared’s.
Jared kissed his hand before placing it on your headstone, letting it linger for a moment before he moved it to Jensen's shoulder. “Come on buddy, let's get you home.”
Jensen had no strength in his body to argue, so he got to his feet and followed Jared back to his car, not really paying any attention to anything that happened around him.
**
A few months had passed since that day, and even if Jensen was still in pain, still grieving, still hurting worse than he had ever imagined possible, he had started the process of moving on. Small things like accepting dinner invitations from his friends, going out for drinks with Jared, those kinds of things. This next step was going to be a lot harder though, and that's why he had invited his best friend over, to your house.
“What's up?” Jared asked after a long silence. He guessed that Jensen had invited him over here for a reason, but he had no clue what it was.
“Remember the letter I told you about? The one (YN) left me?” Jensen asked and Jared nodded. He hadn't read the letter himself, but Jensen had told him about it. “Well. There are several pages to it, but on one of them she told me she wanted me to sell her house. She said there are so many happy memories in here, and she hopes that a nice family can move in here and make their own memories,” Jensen explained.
“Sounds like her,” Jared said, nodding his head.
“So I'm gonna sell my house and move in here.”
“What?” Jared asked, his eyes filling with confusion.
“She was right. There are so many happy memories here, I mean, we met for the first time in this garden. We spent so much time in that back yard. We spent our first night as man and wife here, and we spent our last moments together here. I can't let go of this place, Jared.”
“Are you sure, man? I get where you’re coming from, I really do, but are you sure this place won't feel… haunted to you?” Jared asked.
“I'm sure,” he said confidently.
There was a lot of things that Jensen was unsure about, regarding the future, but he was more than sure that his future was supposed to play out in this house.
A/N: This is a drabble that fits in with my “With you by my side” series. It was requested by the wonderful @melonshino ages ago, and now it's finally done. I've had the worst writers block lately, so i'm sorry if this sucks. Also, thank you to my beautiful beta @thorne93.
Request: WYBMS request: So we know a little bit of what happened the last night in Bora Bora but what other fun things did they get up to during the trip? (also, not a real request but MAYBE NOT BREAKING MY HEART OKAY IDA)
Characters: Jensen x Reader.
Warnings: Fluff…
Wordcount: 889 (I know… technically not a drabble….)
“I can't believe you brought me to Bora Bora,” you breathed as you and Jensen made your way from the hotel reception and to your own private cabin. The crystal clear water reflected the color of the orange sky and it made it look all the more magical. “This place is amazing.”
Jensen led the way to your cabin, that stood on poles above the water. Inside was a bathroom, a bedroom, and a small kitchen which had a glass square in the floor so you could see the fish swimming in the ocean underneath. The rooms were modern, but still had a homey feel to them. Outside was a private pool, a seating area, another bed and a little staircase that lead down to a plateau with two loveseats and a couple of lanterns. It was by far the most beautiful place you had ever seen.
You stepped down the few steps, bending down to dip your hand in the water as you reached the edge, it was warm and inviting and you couldn't wait for morning so you could go for a swim.
“You sure you like it?” Jensen asked as he wrapped his arms around you from behind.
You leaned into him and let out a content sigh. “It's perfect, I love it.”
**
The next night the two of you had made reservations at a restaurant. You were nervous for some reason, which was silly because you had known this man for your entire adult life, but the basis of your relationship had changed and you were still trying to adjust to that.
Jensen looked handsome as ever, he was wearing a simple gray t-shirt and a pair of black pants, it was effortless, but he still looked amazing. A wide grin appeared on his face as he laid his eyes on you, you hadn't really dressed up much, just put on a sundress and curled your hair in something that looked like effortless waves, it was way to warm for make up.
“You look beautiful,” he said with a smile, making his eyes crinkle in the corners.
“And you look very handsome,” you said, returning his smile.
“Shall we?”
You laced your fingers through Jensen's and the two of you walked hand in hand down the beach, a comfortable silence settled between you two.
“You are very quiet tonight,” Jensen noted as you neared the restaurant.
“I guess I'm a little nervous,” you admitted shyly. “Technically it's our first date,” you continued when Jensen looked at you in confusion.
“I hadn't thought about it like that.”
“It's just…. It's a brand new situation, you know? Because we know all about each other, all the first date topics are already spent.”
Jensen stopped and pulled you towards him, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as he looked deep into your eyes, almost taking your breath away. “I don't care if we eat in silence, or if you tell me a story you've told me a million times before. I'm just happy that I get to spend time with you, and that I can finally do this whenever I want to,” he said before leaning down and placing a soft, tender kiss to your lips.
Jensen had always had a sense of calm over him, and just like his smile, it was contagious. You could feel your body relaxing into his as your lips molded together and every last shred on nervousness disappeared from your body.
**
After dinner the two of you went back to your little cabin and opened a bottle of wine to enjoy on the patio down by the water. Being around Jensen was the same as it had always been, and you were surprised at how easy it was to adjust to the new dynamics of your relationship. It was still a little weird to hold his hand and kiss his lips, but it was all a good kind of weird. After all, you had wanted this for quite some time now.
You went in to get another bottle of wine, and as you came back down the few steps you saw Jensen standing at the edge, looking out over the water. You set down the bottle on the table and walked over to him, wrapping your hands around his waist. Jensen turned around in your arms and wrapped his own around you, a devilish grin spreading across his handsome features.
Before you knew what was happening, he had lifted you up and jumped into the water, your scream mixing with his laughter.
“I am so gonna get you back for this, Ackles,” you scolded as you resurfaced, massively failing to look angry.
The water wasn't too deep, Jensen could stand on the bottom, but you were a little shorter. You swam over to him and wrapped your legs around his hips and your arms around his neck.
“I'm looking forward to it,” he said before pressing his lips to yours.
You lost track of how long you two had been in the water before you climbed out and dried off before heading to bed.
You fell asleep in Jensen's arms with a wide smile on your face, trying to imagine a time when you were happier, but nothing came to mind.
A/N: FINAL part you guys.. Thank you so much for sticking with me trough this series. You are all amazing! And I’m sorry..... Shout out to my beta @thorne93.
Characters: Jensen x Reader
Warnings: ALL THE FUCKING ANGST. Character death. Entire part is Jensen’s POV
Worcount: 1660
*not my GIF*
JENSEN'S POV.
It had been a week since we came home from the hospital. The first couple of days she had been fine, moving around in the house, watching movies with me on the couch, but on day four we had to move everything down to the guest room since she was no longer able to climb the stairs. Yesterday she didn't manage to get out of bed at all, and the doctors are now talking hours, maybe a day.
As I sit by the breakfast table, alone, I call my mom to let her know what's going on. We don't talk for long because dad are already packing their bags. He had loaded them in the car before we hang up. My parents love (YN), they always have. I still remember the lecture my mom gave me after I brought (YN) to Dallas for the first time.
“She's special to you, Jensen. I can tell by the way you look at her and how she looks at you. You should just tell her how you feel now so that you can start your lives together, I guarantee you’re going to regret it if you don't.”
The all too familiar lump forms in my throat as I replay her words in my head. I know that my mind should be here, in the present, that I should savor every moment we have left, but it's hard not to dwell on all the things we’ve missed out on in the past, and the things we will miss out on in the future. I shoot a quick text to Jared, telling him that she's nearing the end of her life, letting him know that if they want to say goodbye they should probably come over soon.
I leave my phone on the counter as I walk back into her room.
She's sound asleep. I’m stunned by the way she has changed in the past week alone. Her cheeks are hollowed, her eyes are sunken in, and her once perfect, pink lips has lost all their color. She opens her eyes as I sit down on the bed next to her.
“I didn't mean to wake you up, sweetheart. Just go back to sleep,” I say softly as I run my hand over her hair. She might not look the same as she used to, but to me she will always be the most beautiful girl in the world.
“No, I want to be awake for a little,” she assures me with a small smile.
“Do you want me to help you into the living room?”
“Yes, please.”
I lift her from the bed as carefully as I can, knowing that her body is fragile, I tell the nurse to rearrange some pillows on the couch so that I can prop her up there, so I can make her feel as comfortable as possible. Both the doctors and the nurses that have been in and out of this house the past week have all told me that she must be in great pain, but she hasn't said anything about it, in fact, she hasn't complain once. I can see her wincing as I put her down on the couch, but she doesn't say a word.
“Can I say something, Jay?” she almost whispers.
“Of course.” I sit down next to her and give her all of my attention.
“I can feel my body giving up. I'm not sure how much longer before it gives up completely.” At that moment the morning sun hits her face through the window and I can see the dark circles around her eyes.
“I know,” I say softly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “You have been so brave through this whole thing, babe. I understand that you are tired.” That's not a lie. I've been by her side through this whole ordeal, I've seen the toll it has taken on her, and even if I can't imagine how she must have felt through this, I have no problem understanding that she's tired. To have your body give up on you like that, to become so physically weak that your legs can't even carry you anymore, I can't imagine a worse fate than that. And she has done this with a smile on her face and with a strength I didn't believe one person could have.
“Tell me something, anything to keep my mind occupied,” she pleads.
“Jared and Gen are coming over later and so are my parents, if you feel up for it that is.”
“It will be nice to see them,” she agrees. “You know, even if this past year has been a rollercoaster of uncertainties and emotions, it has also been the best year of my life. I have spent every possible moment with the man I love, I got to marry my soulmate. Of course I wish that we could have more time together, but there is no one in the world I would rather have spent my last year with….. I just need you to know how insanely happy you have made me, and how completely in love I still am with you.”
I can't hold back the tears, I don't even know if I tried to stop them.
“I have something for you, Jay, but you have to go get it for me. It's in the bottom drawer of my dresser,” she says with a smile, and for a brief moment I recognize the small spark in her eyes.
I go upstairs and collect a wrapped gift from her bottom drawer and immediately join her back on the couch.
“Open it,” she urges excitedly.
I tear up the paper only to see what looked like a scrapbook. “The adventures of Jensen and (YN)” was written in big block letters across the front with a picture of the two of us from Bora Bora underneath. I eagerly start flipping through the pages, looking at the pictures and reading the captions she has made. There was images and small stories going back to that first night when we met at her birthday party all the way up to the easter egg hunt just a few weeks ago. There were photos of us as friends, as lovers and as husband and wife. I don't even know what to say.
“I thought this would be a great reminder that even if we wasted many years on not being a couple, we have always been together. The years weren’t wasted, Jay, they are a part of our story.”
“I can't believe you made this. This is amazing.” I lean over to place a kiss to her lips, careful not to put my weight on her.
“You sure you like it?” she asks, biting her lip.
“This is the best gift I have ever gotten.”
We sat on the couch, flipping through the pages, laughing and reminiscing until Jared and Gen stepped through the doors, followed by my parents just a little later.
The day went on, (YN) on the couch, falling asleep at times, but she insisted she wanted to stay in the living room. I think she enjoyed the fact that there was a sense of normal in the house for once.
“Jay?” she whispers in my ear as evening approaches. “You think you can take me outside to watch the sunset?”
I sweep her up in my arms again, asking my mom if she could follow me out with some blankets, which she did. I place her carefully in the love seat in the yard, supporting her back as I climb in behind her letting her rest against my chest. I cover us in a blanket to make sure she isn't cold even if the night is warm.
We sit there and watch the sky change color, like we have done countless times before, as we feel the warm breeze fan over us.
“Thank you,” she says, tilting her head so she can look at me.
“Anything for you, you know that,” I assure her, leaning down to place a soft kiss to her lips.
As the last flecks of orange disappears from the sky her body becomes heavier against mine, for a brief second I hold my own breath to make sure she is still breathing, her soft snores telling me that she has just fallen asleep.
I sit there with her for hours, watching the moon travel across the sky as I focus on the sound of her breath. The reality is that soon she will draw her breath for the last time, and I don't want to miss it. A few times my mom comes out to check on us, bringing an extra blanket, some pillows and something for me to drink. I see the sorrow in her eyes as she strokes my cheek the same way she used to do when I was a little boy, and then she goes back inside, respecting that I want this time alone with my wife.
The black sky is changing colors again and I realize that dawn is approaching, (YN) is still asleep, but her breath has become more laboured. Relief courses through me as I feel her stirring a little. She turns her head and buries her face in the crook of my neck. I feel comforted as her hot breath fans over my neck, once, twice and a third time before it stops. I sit motionless for minutes, holding my breath in hopes that I will hear hers once more, but it never comes. I can not help the scream that comes from my throat. Somewhere behind me there are people moving, but I can't pay them any attention. Violent sobs wreck my body as I pull my lifeless wife’s body closer to me. I scream once more as I realize that this dawn marks the first day of the rest of my life without her by my side.
A/N: 9 of 10. By now y’all know what this story is about. I’m gonna put in some warnings, but if you dont want to get SPOILED, dont read them. If you are easily triggered READ THE WARNINGS. Thanks for all of the amazing feedback, I am honestly baffled by all of you. And thanks to my beta @thorne93. shes the best.
Characters: Jensen x Reader, Jared
Warnings: Vomiting, blood, reader is really sick, language, medical conditions, some fluff if you squint..
Wordcount: 2075
Catch up HERE
*not my GIF*
Thanksgiving turned into Christmas, Christmas turned into Easter and before you knew it, Jensen was once again wrapping up another season of Supernatural. Your eight months were up, but so far you had barely noticed the illness, your body was a little weaker and you had very little energy, to the point where you needed to nap every day, but other than that you felt fine. You went to the hospital once a month to get an evaluation on how the cancer was spreading, and for some reason it had slowed down a little. It was still aggressive and Dr. Hansen always informed you that it was spreading, making sure you didn't get your hopes up for anything. The outcome would still be the same, but you had gained a little more time.
“What did the good doctor tell you today?” Jensen asked as he Skyped you during one of his breaks up in Vancouver.
“Nothing we don't already know. He seems to think that I will start feeling worse soon, and he wanted to put me on a higher dose of cortisone,” you explained. The cortisone was there to help with pain in your joints, the only side effect was that it made your bones more fragile. “He's still a little shocked that I'm alive I think,” you chuckled.
“Did he say anything about how much time he thinks you have left?”
“No, anything between a couple of months and half a year. He did tell me that once I start to feel sick, it will probably be fast.” That little fact eased your mind a little, the worst thing you could think of was to just lay in a bed and wait for death, you couldn't imagine a worse fate than that.
You heard a few muffled voices through your computer as Jensen's eyes started traveling the room he was in. “I'm really sorry babe, but I have to go. I'll call you later if I get a chance. We’re gonna try and wrap things up tonight so that we can go back home tomorrow.”
“Really?” you said excitedly. “Then you go knock ‘em dead.”
“I love you, (YN),” he said, blowing a kiss your way.
“I love you too, Jay.”
**
When you woke up the next morning, the smell of bacon, waffles and coffee hit you nose. A wide smile spread across your face as you got out of bed and padded downstairs, wearing a pair of Jensen's boxers and one of his t-shirts. This was something you did every time he was away, the smell of him was a way to keep him close even when he wasn't here.
A squeal of delight escaped you as you saw him standing by the stove. He turned towards you with a wide smile and you couldn't help but throw yourself into his arms. It hadn't been more than three days since you saw him last, but knowing that your time was limited, you wanted to soak up every possible moment with him.
He wrapped his arms around you and picked you up from the ground, kissing you deeply. “I've missed you,” he whispered as he put you back down, leaning his forehead against yours.
“Right back at you,” you smiled.
It was a great feeling to have him back, and knowing that he wouldn't have to leave again in three months. The two of you sat down to have breakfast and he filled you in on the whirlwind that had been the past few days. He looked exhausted, but he kept reassuring you that he was fine. It was a truly peaceful morning.
“Honey, your nose is bleeding,” Jensen said suddenly, the smile on his face replaced by a worried look.
“What?” you said, instinctively drawing a finger under your nose, leaving a crimson mark on it.
You got up from your chair and headed for the bathroom, stopping in front of the large mirror there. The blood was pouring from your nose. You took a washcloth and wet it with cold water before pressing it to your nose. You didn't have any pain at all, just massive amounts of blood. Your eyes met Jensen's through the mirror, the look on your face telling him that this was a brand new experience. Your head started spinning and your mouth filled with saliva, your knees had barely touched the floor when you emptied the content of your stomach into the toilet. Jensen was quick to get your hair out of the way as well as stroking soft circles on your back. You were barely done with round one before you felt it coming again, this time it was just blood.
You sat in the bathroom for about an hour before you felt strong enough to get back up on your feet. Jensen helped you back into the living room before he went to the kitchen to get you some more water and a bucket incase you started to feel nauseous again, he also handed you your phone that had two missed calls from Dr. Hansens office.
“Hey, Dr. Hansen, it's (YN) (YLN) calling,” you said as he answered his phone.
“Good morning. I'm really glad I got a hold of you,” he said, relief in his voice. “I examined your MRI again last night, because something didn't seem quite right to me, and I discovered that there is a tumor in you stomach. It's very small still, and it wasn't there last month, but it can still cause a lot of problems for you.”
“Can that explain why I just vomited blood?” you asked, already knowing the answer.
“Yes,” he confirmed. “I would like you to come into the hospital so we can run a few more tests. It would be preferable if we could keep you overnight so that we can monitor you properly.”
“I'll be there soon. Thanks doctor.”
Jensen helped you pack your bags and took you to the hospital. You could see the worry in his eyes and it broke your heart that you couldn't offer him any sort of comfort. Everything was very uncertain at this point, but you hoped that you would know more in a couple of hours.
The first thing that happened was that they wheeled you off to get more scans done and Jensen was shown to a private waiting area. The first thing he did was send a text to his best friend.
(YN) was just admitted into hospital and they’re telling us that she has a tumor in her stomach. They took her away to do some tests now, so hopefully we’ll know more in a few hours. Call me when you get this please.
Jared was probably sound asleep at home, but Jensen needed to let someone know what was going on, he wasn't equipped to handle this on his own. He was surprised that his phone dinged with a text just a minute later.
Jared is on his way and will be there soon. Let me know if there's anything I can do. And keep me updated.
It was from Gen. A little wave of relief washed over him, knowing that he wouldn't be alone here for too long.
**
The hours passed by without any news, Jensen had taken to pacing the floor while Jared tried to come up with any comforting words, but all he could really do was be there for his friend.
They had been there over five hours when Dr. Hansen finally came back. “Mr. Ackles, can I talk to you for a moment?”
“Jared is family too, just tell us what's going on,” Jensen pressed.
“Okay. We did an MRI of your wife’s body two days ago and as you know I discovered a small tumor in her stomach. We did another MRI scan today and after looking it over with a few of my colleagues now, I'm sorry to inform you that there are now more tumors than we can count.”
“How is that even possible?” Jensen asked angrily. “Two days ago there was one tumor and now there are so many that you can't even count them??”
“Unfortunately that can happen with the more aggressive types of cancer, like the one your wife has,” Dr. Hansen explained calmly.
“But you told us that it had slowed down.”
“Yes. But this is a very unpredictable illness, Mr, Ackles. We can't always know how it will affect every patient.”
“What does this mean for (YN)?” Jared asked carefully, placing a reassuring hand on Jensen's shoulder.
“It means that we have to put her on intravenous nutrition and fluids. We want to keep her here tonight, but then she can decide tomorrow if she wants to go home or not.”
“This is the beginning of the end isn't it?” Jensen questioned, mostly to himself.
“Unfortunately, yes,” Dr. Hansen confirmed. “Just how much time she has, I dare not guess, but a couple of weeks tops.”
“I want to see her,” Jensen demanded. He felt like all the air had been sucked from the room, and the only thing that could fill his lungs with air again was you.
“Of course.”
Jensen followed your doctor down the hallway and to your room, stopping in front of your door. He warned the two men that you had gotten a lot of pain medications and that you might be a little out of it. Jared took a seat in a nearby chair, letting Jensen know he was right there if he needed him.
“Hey, beautiful,” Jensen said in a low voice as he approached the bed you were lying in. It was hard seeing you like that, with wires and tubes coming from your body, the steady beep of the heart monitor did little to comfort him at this moment.
“It's not as bad as it looks,” you tried with half a smile. The meds they had given you made you feel a little light headed, almost a little tipsy. “Did Dr. Hansen find you?”
“He did,” Jensen said after he had kissed you and taken a seat in the chair next to your bed.
“I asked him if he could explain everything to you, because I'm not quite sure I understood everything myself,” you admitted, taking his hand in yours. The emerald orbs that met your gaze was swimming in unshed tears, not a trace of the happy man he was just a few hours ago, the twinkle in his eyes all gone. “Please don't be sad, Jay.”
“I'm sorry,” he said in a thick voice. “I'm trying to be strong for you, but it's getting harder by the minute.” His voice cracked at the end and tears started dripping from his eyes. “I can't lose you.”
Jensen gently placed his head down by your hand, if it was to hide his tears or not you didn't know. You ran your fingers through his short hair as you let your own silent tears fall. “You don't have to hide from me, Jay. You don't have to pretend,” you whispered, your bottom lip trembling. “Please come here.” You inched further away from him to make room for him to climb in, which he did. He wrapped his arm around you as you cuddled into his side, your head resting on his chest as you listened to the slow and steady beat of his heart.
“Have you thought about what you want to do? If you’re gonna stay here or go home?” Jensen asked after what felt like hours.
“I think I want to go home. Dr. Hansen said they will come and set up the equipment at my house and that I will have a nurse there at all hours as well as two or three doctor visits a day,” you explained. The thought of being stuck in this sterile room, that the last thing you would see was the inside of this room, terrified you. “But only if you feel comfortable with it. I would never force this on you.”
“If you want to go home, we go home.” Jensen laced his fingers with yours, kissing the top of your head sweetly.
Jared offered to go back to your house and help them prepare for your home coming, so that Jensen wouldn't have to leave your side. Jensen knew that every second he got to spend with you now was precious, and nothing could tear him from your side.
A/N: Closing in on the end here people. Just two more parts after this. Betaed by the wonderful @thorne93.
Characters: Jensen x Reader, Jared
Warnings: Fluff with a side of angst.
Wordcount: 1842
Catch up HERE
*not my Gif*
Because Jensen had to go back to Vancouver just a week after your wedding, you didn't get a chance to go on a honeymoon. Not that you minded, it was nice just to be able to be with each other, to enjoy each other’s company for as long as you could before he was going back to work. You had also made a deal not to talk about your cancer until you got the results back from Germany, which would happen two weeks after filming started back up. Jensen had already arranged it so he could come with you.
“I want to ask you something,” Jensen said as the two of you lay in bed, stalling for as long as possible before you had to get up. “You can say no if you want.”
“You know I can't say no to you,” you teased. “Shoot.”
“Do you want to maybe come with me to Vancouver? I just hate the thought of being without you.”
“Of course I'll come. I'll start packing when I get home tonight,” you said excitedly. You had wanted to go with him, but you knew how busy he was when filming and you didn't want to impose.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked as you made to get out of bed.
“I have that date with Jared today,” you reminded.
“I really thought we’d be married longer than five days before you started having an affair,” he joked.
“You've seen his puppy dog eyes, there's no saying no to that guy.”
“You’re right. Hop in the shower and get ready, I'll start breakfast.”
Catching up with Jared was amazing, you had almost forgotten how much fun he was to be around. Everything was an adventure with him, and he got these crazy childish urges, like ice cream for lunch and a water balloon fight in the park.
“You ready for dinner?” Jared asked as you were walking through the park, heading back to his car.
“Yeah, I'm starving,” you said. “Can we just sit for a moment?”
“Of course. Are you okay?” he asked with a worried expression as he lead you over to a bench.
“I'm fine, just easily exhausted these days,” you tried to reassure him.
“How are you dealing with everything?” he tried carefully.
“Honestly? I'm okay. I feel less energized, but other than that there are no physical signs that I'm sick.”
The two of you sat on that bench for a while and talked, interrupted a few times by fans wanting to say hi and get a picture taken with Jared. It was truly amazing to watch him interact with his fans, same thing with Jensen, they were always so genuine, which was probably just one of the many reasons why they had such a huge fanbase.
**
It was almost eleven when Jared dropped you off back home, thanking you for spending the day with him.
“So, you crazy kids have a good time today?” Jensen asked as he came out to join the two of you.
“Yeah, we had a blast. Thanks again, Jared,” you said warmly.
“No need to thank me, I had a great time too,” he confirmed. “And thanks, Jay, for lending me your wife for the day,” he said, giving Jensen a quick hug.
“You up for watching a movie with me before bed?” Jensen asked as the two of you were heading back inside the house, his arm securely wrapped around your waist.
“I would love that. Just let me get changed out of these clothes and I'll come join you.”
About twenty minutes into the movie you had fallen fast asleep, your head resting comfortably on Jensen's chest. A part of him wanted to wake you up and get you to bed, but then again, he loved the feeling of having you so close. He continued to watch the movie as he listened to your steady breath, his mind wondering how many more night's like these you had left. He had promised you that there would be no more worrying about the future until the next visit to Germany, but he couldn't help it, the fact that everything was so uncertain right now was always spinning in the back of his head. He caught himself wondering how many Christmases, birthdays and wedding anniversaries you had left, he wondered how he would cope with losing you. As much as he loved living in the now with you, his mind would not stop traveling to the future the two of you might not have.
**
“Honey I'm home,” Jensen sing songed as he got back from a day of filming, smiling widely as the smell of your lasagna hit his nose.
“In the kitchen,” you shouted back. “Dinner will be ready in five.”
Jensen walked up behind you and wrapped his strong arms around your waist, placing his head on your shoulder as he asked if you were ready for tomorrow.
“All packed and good to go,” you answered. You were hopping on a plane first thing tomorrow morning to go to Germany and get the results from your treatment. Last week you were in Austin to get your MRI and pet scan done, which Dr. Hansen would send to Dr. Bauer. “You ready?”
“Yeah,” Jensen lied. He wasn't ready at all, he was scared of what news you would get, that this was it.
**
It was a long flight and an even longer cab ride it seemed, before the two of you once again sat in front of Dr. Bauers desk.
“We have evaluated the images that were sent to us as well as your blood test, and I'm sorry to tell you that there has been no progress regarding your cancer cells” he informed professionally.
Well… there it was. “So what now?” you questioned, a firm grip on Jensen's hand.
“There is nothing more we can do for you, and I believe that was the same thing Dr. Hansen told you back in Austin?”
“Yes,” you confirmed. You could feel Jensen's eyes on you, but you didn't dare meet his gaze, worried that the pain in his emerald orbs would be to much to handle, that that was the thing that would make you break down.
“I do believe he will provide you with pain relief and professional health care when the time comes for that, but until then, I suggest you go get as much joy out of life as possible.”
“How long do I have?”
“Hard to say exactly, perhaps eight months. I'm really sorry we didn't have better news for you,” he said apologetically.
**
There wasn't much conversation between you and Jensen on the flight back to Austin, neither of you knowing what to say or how to comfort the other.
It wasn't until you were back home you finally spoke up. “I need you to talk to me, Jay,” you said in a soft voice, placing a hand on his back as he was leaning over the kitchen counter.
“I don't know what to say,” he admitted, running a hand over his face. “This is so unfair.”
“We knew that this was a long shot,” you tried.
“You realize what this means right? You won't even live to see our first wedding anniversary,” he choked out, his voice strained and his eyes swimming with tears.
“I know,” you said as you reached out for him. “I'm sorry that I have put you in this situation.” You wrapped your arms around him and hugged yourself tightly to his body.
Jensen wrapped his hands around you and burried his face in your neck. “You didn't put me in this situation (YN). None of this is your fault,” he stressed. Yes, this was hurting him, in fact it was pain that he had never experienced before, but you needed to know that he didn't blame you for it.
The two of you stood there, in the kitchen, wrapped up in each other’s arms for god knows how long, silent tears escaping both of you. This was a lot to wrap your mind around, even if you had known this was a possibility, you had held out hope that somehow you would survive this, now it was a reality. You were dying. Soon. The two of you were pulled away from each other by Jensen's phone ringing.
“Who can it possibly be this late?” you wondered out loud.
“Hey, Jared. What's up?” Jensen said as he answered the phone, trying to compose himself. You watched as he talked to his best friend, wiping away at his tears while watching you intently. He worried that if he took his eyes off of you, you would somehow disappear.
“What did he want?” you questioned as Jensen hung up the phone.
“Apparently, some rumors has hit the media that you and I got married.”
“How?” The two of you had tried to keep it away from the press because you wanted this time to yourselves. The only people who knew was Jensen's family, a handful of his friends and his colleagues. But these things had a tendency to come out, it was really just a matter of time.
“What do you say we make it official?” he asked with a smile, walking up to you and linking his arms around your waist.
“What do you have in mind Mr. Ackles?”
“One little tweet and the whole world will know,” he suggested.
You mulled it over for a moment. On one side it was nice that the two of you could enjoy this for yourselves, but on the other hand, you married the man of your dreams, why wouldn't you wanna share it with the world. “Let's do it.”
Jensen wrapped you in his one arm, hugging you to his body as he pressed a soft kiss to your lips while snapping a picture. He showed it to you for your approval before he wrote a quick caption and posted it to his twitter.
Spending some quality time at home with the missus, @Y/T/N. #marriedlife.
You both left your phones in the kitchen as you headed up to bed, both of you exhausted from the day you had. Within minutes you fell asleep in Jensen's comforting embrace.
**
Overnight you phone had blown up with tweets. Some were sweet messages and well wishes, some were a little harsher and some were downright cruel. You tried your best not to take any of them to heart, but it was really difficult not to be affected by the hateful words. At least the reason you got married in such a hurry was still a secret and you were thankful for that.
“The most important thing is that we’re together,” Jensen said as he brought you a cup of coffee out in your backyard.
“You make a compelling point,” you agreed, leaning in to kiss him.
Jensen was right. The most important thing was that you had each other, and that you spent as much time together as you possibly could.
A/N: I am now finished writing this series. There will be in all ten parts, and I will try and post every day, but I make no promises. Thank you to everyone that has liked, reblogged or commented on this series. I loved writing it, and it keeps me motivated to read all of your kind words. Special thanks to my beta @thorne93.
Characters: Jensen x Reader. Jared x Genevive
Warnings: This is pure fluff.. All the way. I got cavities writing this.
Wordcount: 2731
Catch up HERE
*not my GIF*
“What?” you whispered in disbelief.
“Marry me..” he repeated a little more confident this time.
“We can't get married, Jay!” you exclaimed, shooting out of the bed. “I can't make any plans for the future when I don't know how long it’ll be. I can be gone within a year.” You paced the floor, running a hand through your hair.
“All I know is that I want to be with you, for as long as I can. I don't want to waste anymore time (YN), I want you, and I have wanted you for years now. Take this leap with me,” he pleaded, placing two strong hands on your shoulders, making you look into those emerald orbs of his. Before you could say anything he was down on one knee in front of you, looking up at you. “I love you, more than I ever thought possible. You are an amazing woman (YN), and you make me a better man. You have been there to support, encourage and motivate me for years, and you always manage to put a smile on my face. Will you (YN) (YLN) make me the luckiest man in the world and spend the rest of your life with me?” he finished with a smile.
“Are you really serious about this?” you asked carefully.
“Yes.”
“Then, Mr. Ackles, I would be a fool to turn you down.” you said with a wide grin.
Jensen got to his feet and wrapped his arms around you and lifted you from the ground to spin you around a couple of times before he sat you back down, kissing you deeply. Never in a million years had you imagined that you could be this happy, especially considering the circumstances.
“But you know, if this thing in Germany works, you'll be stuck with me for life,” you teased.
“Nothing would make me happier,” he said, leaning down to kiss you again, deep and passionately.
**
The next couple of weeks flew by. You had talked to the clinic in Germany and had Dr. Hansen send over all your files, there had been quite a few calls back and forth, but you were now ready to go and get your first treatment.
The doctor assigned to you, Dr. Bauer, seemed like a nice man. He had sent you all the information you needed as well as walked you through the treatment step by step. This first time was a little more extensive than the other treatments would be since you had to insert a new access port in your thigh, which would be done on day one along with some PET scans and MRI’s. The chemotherapy itself would take three days, which was what you were used to, but for this you had to stay in bed at the clinic all three days. The side effects were minimal since this kind of treatment were designed to attack only the cancer cells and not your entire body. Although he sounded very positive he made sure to remind you that this is still experimental and that you shouldn't get your hopes up too much, but they would know after just a month if it would work or not.
You and Jensen arrived in a cab from the airport at the Hufeland clinic early monday morning. It was a modern looking building almost in the middle of nowhere with great nature surrounding it. The sun was shining down on the beautiful garden in front of the main building, the area so quiet that you could hear the bees buzzing from flower to flower.
Jensen squeezed your hand as you followed a friendly nurse, first into the room that would be yours and then to meet with Dr. Bauer before you got prepped for surgery.
**
It was five long days in in the Hufeland clinic before you were allowed to go home, or maybe it just felt long because you knew what was waiting for you back home.
Because of your situation you and Jensen had decided to get married as soon as possible, with as little fuss as possible. The two of you had found this small, beautiful church just outside of Austin where you were gonna get married the day after you returned from Germany. Things were happening so fast your head was spinning, but you wanted this, you wanted to marry Jensen and you wanted it to be only yours and his, no big wedding party, no public announcement, just you and him.
Jared and Gen were the only two people who knew about this. Jared was Jensen's best man, and Gen was your matron of honor.
“How are you doing?” Gen asked as you stood behind a little partition wall to put your wedding dress on, she had already helped you with your hair and makeup.
“I'm a little nervous,” you chuckled. “But I'm also excited to marry the man of my dreams.” You stepped out from behind the partition. “Can you help me with the zipper?”
You turned around so that you could look in the mirror as she helped you. It was a simple white dress, not a typical wedding dress, but it still made you feel like a princess. It had a straight cut neckline and a deep v in the back, the dress hugged your feminine forms nicely and you were surprised at how confident you felt in it. You had gotten a bra made to fit the dress so no straps were showing and you couldn't have been happier about the result. Since the breast removal surgery you hadn't really felt comfortable in any dress, opting instead to hide under large t-shirts, but right now you felt more beautiful than you ever had before.
“You look so beautiful, (YN),” Gen said, her eyes swimming with tears.
“Thank you, Gen. And thank you so much for everything you and Jared are doing for us,” you said turning to face her.
“I almost forgot.” Gen turned around and started digging through her purse. “This is the garter I wore at my wedding, I thought it could be your something old, something borrowed and something blue.” she said, handing you the blue garter. “Tom and Shep also got you a little wedding present, and if you want, it can be your something new.”
Gen handed you a little velvet jewelry box. Inside was a bracelet made from those little plastic beads, made in pink and blue hearts. You took the little note that was curled up inside and read it out loud. “To our favorite aunt, we love you so much because you always make us laugh and you give us candy when mommy and daddy says no.” There was no use trying to hold the tears back any longer. You loved those two little boys and it just now hit you that you might never get to see them grow up.
“I wrote it, but they were very specific about what they wanted the note to say,” Gen explained before you pulled her into a tight hug.
You slipped on the garter that Gen had given you and the bracelet from the boys, took one last look in the mirror and then headed down stairs to where Jensen was waiting for you.
The organ started playing and Jensen had his full attention on the door he knew you would appear in any minute now, his heart pounding in his chest, his palms sweaty and the butterflies had gone wild in his stomach. Ever since he had learned about your cancer he had this dull ache in his heart, but today he couldn't feel it. Today was about you and him and the love that you had for each other. He needed today to be about just that. Jared gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze just as the door opened and Gen came walking down the aisle flashing the two men a wide smile.
The music changed as you appeared in the door and Jensen’s heart stopped and his breath got caught in his throat. You had always been beautiful, but nothing could have prepared him for this. His eyes was glued to you as they filled with unshed tears, his heart finally beating again, racing in his chest while he watched you walk towards him.
The minister started talking as you joined Jensen, but none of you were paying much attention to what was being said, busy drowning in each others eyes like two lovestruck teenagers. It wasn't until Gen nudged you with the ring that you realised it was your time to talk.
“Jensen, I tried to sit down and write down my vows to you, but no matter what I put down on paper it wasn't good enough, so today I'm just going to speak from my heart,” you started, taking a deep breath before continuing. “About six years ago, you took me on a road trip, telling me you had just broken up with someone and you needed to get away for a little while. You told me then, after a few beers in that god awful hotel we stayed in, that you were tired of the dating scene. You wanted to find a girl to settle down with, someone who could be your best friend as well as your lover. I can't go back in time and pinpoint the exact moment that I fell in love with you, but that night was the night I realized that I was, and probably had been for a while. I wanted to tell you how I felt that night, I wanted to scream at you and tell you I was right here, that I wanted nothing more than to be the girl you were talking about, but I chickened out. My biggest regret will always be that I didn't tell you how I felt sooner. But I vow to you today Jensen, that I will tell you, every day for the rest of my life, how much I love you and how insanely happy you make me. You are my best friend, my rock, my hero and my lover, you are my partner in life, you are my home.” Your hands were trembling as you tried to put the wedding ring on his finger, laughing nervously to cover up your shaky voice.
Jensen took the ring from Jared before looking deep into your eyes once more. “This morning when I woke up, I had no Idea what to say to you, but after what you just told me, I have to come clean,” he started with a crooked smile. “I broke up with that girl because I realized that my heart belonged to someone else, and I took you on that road trip to tell you how completely in love I was with you, but I also chickened out. Lately I’ve been thinking about all the time we have wasted, not being together, but I also realize that even if we haven't been romantically involved we'd still been together, and there is no person I would have rather spent my time with than you. So my vow to you will be to always make you feel loved and appreciated, I will make sure you know how amazing you are. You are the love of my life (YN) and I can't wait for us to start our life together, whatever our future might look like.”
Tears cascaded down your face as you took in his words. You knew very well that your time together might be limited, but right now all that mattered was the beautiful man standing in front of you, declaring his love.
**
After the ceremony you went to get some pictures taken at this beautiful, secluded place along the banks of lake Austin. You had made reservations to have dinner at a romantic restaurant after that, but Gen and Jared seemed to have other plans.
“Where are we going?” you asked as Gen and Jared lead the two of you down a small road closer to the water.
“We might have taken a few liberties,” Jared said with a mischievous look on his face.
You looked at Jensen who looked just as confused as you felt, and realized he didn't have a clue what was going on either.
In a clearing underneath some tall trees a gazebo came into view, lined with small lights all around it and a table in the middle, set for four people. There was a string quartet that started playing as soon as you arrived as well as a waiter, ready to show you to your seats.
“What have you done?” you gasped in awe, your eyes wide.
“It's a wedding gift. We know you didn't want to make a big deal out of this, but we wanted to make it as memorable as possible,” Gen explained.
“If you want to have the night to yourself, you can. We totally understand if you want to be alone,” Jared continued.
You looked up at your new husband, that was just as in awe as you were. “No. We want to celebrate with our friends,” Jensen said honestly.
You couldn't believe what your friends had put together for the two of you. The food was amazing, the gazebo beautifully decorated, and the music was calming. After dinner, Jensen lured you out on the grass to have your first dance as husband and wife.
“Have I told you how amazing you look tonight?” Jensen asked as the two of you swayed to the music.
“A couple of times, but I don't mind hearing it,” you confessed. “You don't look to bad yourself Mr. Ackles.”
“I'm happy,” he said contently.
“Beyond happy,” you agreed.
As the song neared its end, Jared came up and pricked Jensen on his shoulder, “Mind if I cut in?” Jensen nodded, gave you a quick kiss and then approached Gen to ask her for a dance. “You look beautiful today, (YN), you look happy,” he offered, his hazel eyes shining in the dim light.
“I am happy,” you said, smiling. “Thank you so much for setting this up for us, Jar, it means so much more than you will ever know.”
“Only the best for you two. I actually wanted to ask you something,” he tried wearily.
“On this, the day of my wedding?” you said with your best Don Corleone impression, which to be honest wasn't all that good.
“You’re a dork,” Jared chuckled. “I know that you and Gen have a girly day planned, and I realize that you would want to spend as much time as possible with your new husband, but I want a day too. Just you and me, hanging out and catching up. I've known you since I was 14 years old, and the thought of losing you is killing me.” Jared wasn't the type to get real like this to often, he was more the type of person to joke away things that made him uncomfortable. Having him be so honest with you took you by surprise.
“Of course, Jared. I want to spend time with you too. Just pick a date and I'll be there.”
“You sure?”
“Yes,” you exclaimed. “Jared, we've known each other for so long, and even though we don't spend as much time together as we used to, I still consider you one of my best friends. I love you, you big moose,” you said, trying to get him to understand.
“I love you too, Mrs. Ackles,” he said with a wink, quickly followed by a big hug and a peck on the cheek.
The night was perfect, so much better than you could have ever imagined. When you and Jensen got back home you were all tuckered out, your energy level not the same as it used to be.
You unlocked the door and was about to step inside when you heard Jensen yell. “NOO! STOP!” you froze in place, worried that something was wrong. Jensen walked up to you and picked you up effortlessly, carrying you over the threshold. “It's customary for a husband do carry his new wife into their home,” he said, a wide grin on his face. You couldn't help but giggle all the way up to your bedroom, laughing as he threw you onto the bed and started kissing you.
A/N: Im so excited about this series, and Im so grateful for all the amazing feedback you guys give me. I love you all! Special shout out to my beta @thorne93. Without her I would be lost. Also, she’s the one who screams at me to keep writing. She’s a great inspiration to me!
Characters: Jensen, Reader.
Warnings: Angst with a side of fluff. Implied smut.
Wordcount: 1696
Catch up HERE
*not my GIF*
Two months went by in a hurry and it was now time for your first evaluation to see what effect the chemo had had on your body. You hadn't noticed much side effects other than a little fatigue and nausea, but that was just during the days when you got the injections, other than that you were fine. Jensen spent more time at your house than his own these days. You wished that you could say that all this time spent together was more than just friendship, but it wasn't. You loved him, of course you did, but you were afraid that confession might scare him away and you weren't ready to lose him completely, having him by your side was more than you could have asked for.
Jensen grabbed your hand as you sat down in front of the desk in Dr. Hansen’s office, anxious to hear the result of your evaluation.
“I’m really sorry to tell you this Miss (YLN), but we aren't seeing the results we hoped for.”
Jensen's heart stopped beating right then, somewhere deep down he had hoped, dreamed of a miracle, that the doctors had been wrong and the chemo would cure you.
“What exactly does that mean?” you asked in a calm voice. How could you be so calm about this? Jensen's head was spinning with a million questions, a lump was forming in his throat and the heart that stopped a moment ago was now galloping through his chest.
“It means that the cancer is spreading even on chemotherapy. Not as fast as it did before, but still. I have gone over your case with a few other oncologists here at the hospital and one from another hospital down town and there is nothing more we can do for you,” he explained, resting his arms on the desk, looking at you over the top of his glasses. “With that being said, I want you to take a look at this-” he handed you a pamphlet “- this is a treatment facility in Germany that specializes in cases like yours. I'm not saying that this will save your life, but it can prolong it significantly. The treatment is costly, but you will know after just one if it will help you or not. I must also inform you that this is classified as experimental, but they have showed really good results and have a success rate of 75 percent.”
“Thank you doctor, I will definitely look into this.” Your brain was still trying to process all the information he had given you when you stood from your chair and shook his hand.
**
A knock sounded on your bedroom door. It had been a few hours since the two of you got back and you had been in your room looking up this facility in Germany since then.
“Can I come in?” Jensen tried carefully through the door.
“Of course.” You closed the lid on your laptop as he walked in.
“What are you doing?” he questioned as he sat down next to you.
“Looking up this clinic online,” you said, gesturing to the pamphlet lying on your bed.
“And?”
“And it looks really good. I've read a few stories from patients and they are really happy with the effects. One girl was told that there was nothing left for her to do but get her affairs in order, but after five treatments she's in remission. And then there was this other girl, her case looks a lot more like mine, she prolonged her life with about a year, but now the treatment has stopped working for her and she's told she has less than six months left,” you explained. “I just don't know if I should get my hopes up for this. I also don't know if I can afford it, it's really expensive.”
“You should at least talk to them, or get Dr. Hansen to send them your files,” Jensen pushed. He wanted this to work, no, he needed it to work.
“I have to see if I can figure it out financially first…”
“You don't have to do that. If you want to try this, I'll pay,” he interrupted. This was your chance and there was no way in hell he would let you miss it because of money.
“I can't let you do that, Jensen.”
“Why?”
“Because each treatment costs $100,000, that's not including travel and stay.” It really was sweet of him to offer, but you couldn't take his money.
“So? You can't really put a price tag on your life (YN),” he said, a little annoyed at you.
“Apparently you can, and it's roughly $700,000,” you bit back. You didn't know why the two of you were arguing all of a sudden.
“Why are you fighting me on this?” He got to his feet and started pacing the floor, unable to stay still anymore.
“Because it's a shitload of money and it isn't even guaranteed that it will help me,” you pressed, also getting to your feet.
“But it might. I can't believe how stubborn you are being about this.” He wasn't exactly yelling, but his voice rose with every word as he gestured a little angrily with his hands.
“It's really generous of you, but what if it doesn't work, huh? What if you spend almost a million dollars on this and the treatment doesn't work? How the hell am I supposed to live with that?” you yelled, desperate to get him to see your side of things.
“Well you don't have to live with it then, do you?” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself, he didn't even realize what he had said before he saw the shock on your face. “I am so sorry (YN), I didn't mean that.” He rushed over to you and took your hand in his.
“No, you’re right,” you said, averting your eyes from his.
Jensen led you back to your bed, motioning for you to sit down. “This might work, it might not, but if you won't do this for yourself then please do it for me,” he pleaded with you. “I can't spend the rest of my life wondering if this could have saved you or not. Not when we have both the means and opportunity to try it out.”
“Why are you so intent on saving my life?”
“Because I love you. Because you are my best friend, and because I am 100 percent, head over heels in love with you.”
“What?” you whispered, stunned by his confession.
“I know my timing sucks, but I’ve missed you so much and I won't waste anymore time. I need you to know how I feel.”
You didn't know what to say, you just sat there, looking into those enchanting green orbs of his, not a hint of dishonesty in them. You practically threw yourself into his arms, pressing your lips to his in a bruising kiss, pouring every emotion into that one kiss.
Everything after that was a blur of hungry kisses and desperate touches, both of you needing to feel the other as close as humanly possible. There was a brief awkward pause when Jensen tugged at you t-shirt, your body stiffened as you looked into his eyes, silently telling him that you wanted to keep it on and Jensen being the gentleman didn't object to it at all. It was so great to feel him so close to you again, to feel his weight on top of you as he brought you wave after wave of pleasure.
“God, I’ve missed this,” he said with a satisfied smile on his lips as he pulled you closer into his side.
“Me too,” you agreed, letting your fingers draw lazy patterns on his toned chest.
“Are you scared of… you know?” The question that had been on his mind for months now finally free of his mind. He had spent these two past months by your side and so far he had seen no indication that you were afraid of what this disease was doing to your body, but however much he wanted to ask he had never found a good time.
“Of dying?” you asked, Jensen nodding his head. “I don't really know. I know that might sound stupid, but it's hard to understand that I'm dying when I don't feel like I'm sick at all. Does that make sense?” You sat up in the bed, folding your legs under you as you looked down on the man that you loved so dearly. “I am scared of the things I'll miss out on though. The experiences I will never have.”
“What do you mean?” Jensen propped himself up on his elbows, taking your hand in his when he saw the tear that fell from your eye.
“Getting married, having kids, those things,” you told him through a shaky voice. “I had this image in my head. It was me and my two kids, a boy and a girl, sitting out in the yard and watching the sunset, telling them stories of their grandparents. I imagined running around out there looking for easter eggs, putting cookies out for Santa at christmas, bringing our sleeping bags out to sleep under a clear, starry sky in the summer. Knowing that I will never have that hurts more than anything else.”
Jensen didn't know what to say to that, he could feel the lump growing in his throat as he uselessly fought his own tears. This was so unfair. Why was the world so insistent on taking you away from him? He was scared too. He was scared that he had to live the rest of his life without you by his side, and he was angry, angry at himself for going so many years without telling you how he felt. He hated himself for wasting that time. But no more. If there was one lesson to be learned here, it was that life was too short.
“Marry me,” he blurted out. It was sudden and unplanned, but there was nothing more he wanted in this world than having you as his wife.
A/N: I have said this before and I’ll say it again. This series is gonna be 90% angst. By now you all know that the Reader is sick with terminal cancer, so it shouldnt come as a surprise that its gonna be a bumpy ride. I will try and warn appropriately in each chapter, but if I do miss something, please let me know. Also, thank you for all of your feedback, keeps me motivated and inspired. Thank you to my preciou beta @thorne93, you’re the best.
Characters: Jensen, Reader, Jared, Gen
Warnings: Sick reader, some angst, some fuff, flashbacks in itallics.
Wordcount: 2457
CATCH UP HERE
It was late Sunday night when Jensen arrived at your house, the next morning he was coming with you to the hospital to remove your stitches and do some tests to see if you were ready to start chemo. To say that you were nervous would be an understatement, it wasn't necessarily the treatment itself you were scared of, but more the side effects, or maybe it was that you didn't know what to expect at all.
Jensen had stayed up with you through the night when you couldn't sleep, holding you close and stroking your hair to try and soothe your nerves, even if it helped just a little it would be worth it. The car ride to the hospital was uncomfortably quiet, neither of you knowing what to say.
You stepped out of Jensen's car in the garage at the hospital, thinking you were ready for whatever came today, but all of a sudden your legs were unable to move. Your eyes widened in horror as the situation dawned on you and Jensen was fast at your side, taking your hand.
“I can't do this,” you whispered.
“I can't imagine how hard this must be for you, but I know how strong you are. I know that you can do this (YN), and I promise I'll be here every step of the way,” he said, clutching your hand in his and looking into your eyes.
There had always been a comfort for you in his eyes, maybe it was because they always revealed how he felt, maybe because they changed color along with his mood, maybe because you could look into those eyes and feel at home. You took a few more deep breaths before your legs were able to carry you through the parking garage and into the hospital.
**
The first thing that happened was that you were guided into a room by the nurse that had been with you after the surgery, to remove your bandages and stitches. She told you that it was healing well, but even with the stitches removed you should keep a bandage on on for at least a week longer. After that you were taken to see your oncologist.
“So all we really have to do now is get you a venous access port, or a VAP, which we will use during your chemotherapy and you’re good to go,” Dr. Hansen finished explaining.
You would have three days of chemo every other week for two months, in all four treatments, before they did another evaluation. The first day you would have to stay at the hospital for four hours while the chemo was injected, and then you would go home with a pump that would use 24 hours to inject another type of medicine, then you would have to come back to the hospital to get ‘disconnected’, as he put it, and another round of four hour therapy on day three. It sounded scary and confining, but Dr. Hansen assured you that this was the easiest way to go about it and he stressed the point that you were free to live your life as normal the other days.
“When do you think I will start to feel sick?”
“As I said before, there is no guarantee that you will feel sick at all. Everyone reacts differently,” he said, leaning his elbows on the desk.
“From the cancer I mean? I'm still a little sore from the surgery, but other than that I don't feel sick at all,” you corrected. It was a surreal feeling, knowing that your body was dying and you didn't even feel it happening, hadn't it been for the lump in your chest you wouldn't have gone to the doctor at all.
“Oh.. I can't answer that at this point. We will see in two months how your body reacts to the chemo, if we’re lucky we will be able to contain the spreading, but even then it's hard to have an answer to your question.”
“Thank you, doctor.”
You had asked Jensen to wait in the hallway while you talked to your doctor, not because you didn't want him in there with you, but because you wanted to be able to ask the questions that you had on your mind without having to consider how the answers affected him.
**
“What's on your mind, sweetheart?” Jensen asked as he joined you on the beach. It was your last night in Bora Bora before you headed back home to Texas.
“Just enjoying the sunset.” You smiled up at him. He took a seat behind you, spreading his legs so that you could rest your body against his, wrapping his arms around you.
“What is it with you and sunsets anyway? I've known you for years now and you never told me,” he questioned.
“My dad used to read me bedtime stories outside while we watched the sunsets. He told me that that way my mom could listen aswell,” you said through that lump that always formed in your throat when you talked about him. Your dad had always been your hero, your rock. Your mother had died when you were just two years old and after that it had been just you and your father. He worked hard to provide for you, making sure that you always had what you needed, he had been both a mother and a father to you as well as your friend. Even as you grew older the two of you had sat in the garden and watched the sunset, both of you feeling a little closer to your mom, often he would tell you stories about her to help you know her even though she was gone.
After he had died a few year's earlier, it had become so much more important to catch those sunsets whenever you could, you imagined your mom and dad somewhere out there, watching the sunset with you. You also imagined yourself reading fairytales to your own children and telling them stories about their grandparent as you all watched the sky change colors in the most magical way.
“Do you still think about him often?” Jensen asked softly.
“I still think about him every day, but it doesn't fill me with grief like it used to. But this makes me feel closer to him,” you said, gesturing to the now orange sky.
The two of you sat in silence until the stars started appearing on the darkened sky, there was a warm breeze fanning over you and the only sound you could hear was the waves as they met the beach. This had truly been a perfect vacation.
“Are you happy?” you asked wearily. Everything had happened so fast between the two of you, it was a dream come true for you, but you had to be sure he felt the same way.
“Never been happier.” Jensen smiled.
“I feel the same. Sucks that we have to go back to reality tomorrow,” you said truthfully.
“Well.. we still have one night left,” he teased, placing soft kisses to your neck.
**
Jensen sat in the waiting area at the hospital for the third time that week, thinking about that last night in Bora Bora, waiting for you to get ‘disconnected’ before he could take you back to your house. He really appreciated that you let him come with you, that you let him stay at your house so he could look out for you. The thought of you having to go through this alone horrified him. Being so close to you had its disadvantages though. The two of you had gone back to the way you were before you had started dating, and although he appreciated that, he hated it too, he hated that he couldn't sweep you into his arms and kiss you, he hated that he couldn't look into your beautiful eyes and tell you just how much he loved you.
“I'm good to go,” you said as you found Jensen in one of the waiting areas.
“Hmm…oh yeah.. Great..” he said, your voice had snapped him back to reality.
“Where was your mind at?” you chuckled.
“Don't worry about it. Shall we?” he asked, holding out his arm for you to take.
**
“Have you told Jared anything about what's going on?” you carefully asked once the two of you were back in Jensen's car and headed home.
“No, I haven't really found a good opportunity yet,” he answered “Why do you ask?”
“I was just thinking that maybe I'll invite him and Gen over for dinner this weekend and I can tell them then. I don't feel like it's fair of me to ask you to do it, they are my friends too after all,” you explained.
“I think that's a great idea. You want me to be there too, or?”
“If you want to. I totally understand if you have other plans though.”
“Of course I'll be there, I'll even help you cook,” he offered.
**
Saturday came and Jensen was at your door bright and early, he wanted to come with you to get the shopping done for dinner that night, also he hadn't seen you at all on Friday and he was starting to miss you. It was strange how fast he had gotten used to being around you again and how empty he felt without you there.
There hadn't been any significant side effects of the chemo yet, you felt a little queasy at times and your energy level was a bit lower than usual, but other than that you felt fine. The conversation you knew you had to have tonight weighed on you though. Jared had been your friend since highschool and you and Gen had hit it off at once after she started dating Jared. You and Gen tried to hang out as often as you could, especially when the boys were in Vancouver filming, but after you had broken up with Jensen you hadn't really been in the mood for company so it had been a while since you had seen her.
“You know what you’re going to tell them tonight?” Jensen questioned as he was peeling potatoes.
“Not really. I figured I’d just tell them about the cancer and the surgery and that I'm on chemo.”
“Are you going to tell them that it's… you know… terminal?” Jensen struggled with even saying that word, it was as if he said it out loud it became so much more real.
“I might as well. The doctor seems pretty adamant that there is no chance of curing me, and I don't want to give anyone false hope.”
He agreed. Jared and Gen was the two people closest to you besides Jensen, and they deserved to know the whole story.
A couple of hours later the doorbell rang and you and Jensen went to welcome you guests. A round of ‘hello’s’ and hugs in the hallway before you showed them into the dining room.
“I love what you’ve done with the place,” Gen commented when she noticed the new wallpaper.
“Thank you. Feels a little more like me now,” you said. “Dinner is ready so you can just take a seat.”
Dinner was fun. Just four friends talking and catching up on recent events. Jared made a joke about Jensen leaving him high and dry all alone up in Vancouver for the last week, to which Jensen gave him a halfhearted smile and you just stared at your plate, feeling guilty for being the reason he had left early. Jensen noticed and gave your leg a reassuring squeze under the table.
“So, I kind of had an agenda when I invited you two over,” you confessed after everyone had finished their desserts. “There is something I have to tell you.”
“What is it?” Jared inquired, noticing the shift in both yours and Jensen's mood.
“About a month ago I discovered a lump in my chest, the day after I went to the doctor and got some tests done and later that week I was diagnosed with cancer. I had surgery to remove both of my breasts, but the cancer had already spread through my lymphnodes and into my liver. I started my first round of chemo this week, but it's only to prevent it from spreading further, they don't think they’ll be able to cure me.”
“What does that mean exactly?” Jared asked, looking from you to Jensen and back, his hazel eyes filled with worry and shock.
“It means I’m dying,” you explained calmly.
“How much time do you have?” Gen piped in, her voice shaking and her eyes swimming with tears.
“They think maybe a year and a half, but we won't know any more before I'm done with this round of chemo.”
There was a lot of questions going back and forth and you answered them as best as you could. Jensen was by your side the whole time, holding your hand under the table, fighting hard against his own tears. The last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of you, he needed to stay strong for you, to be your rock through this.
When the Padaleckis left about an hour later, the mood was a little lighter, but the hugs you got from the two of them was a lot tighter than the ones you received when they had arrived earlier. You wished them a good night and made a promise to come over and say hi to the boys sometime next week.
“So, how do you feel?” Jensen asked as he sat down next to you on your couch.
“I feel a little tired, but other than that I’m fine,” you answered truthfully.
“You were really brave tonight.”
“You think so? I didn't feel all that brave.”
Jensen leaned back on the couch, grabbing your arm and pulling you with him so that you were cuddled up against his side.
“Jay?”
“Mmm?”
“Do you remember that last night we had in Bora Bora?” you asked a little awkwardly, you weren't sure if you guys were at a place where it was okay to talk about your failed relationship.
“I was just thinking about it earlier this week actually, it was a great night. Why do you ask?”
“No reason in particular…” you trailed of, not knowing if you should finish that thought out loud. “I don't think I’ve ever been happier or more at peace than I was that night.”
“I know what you mean.” He placed a feather light kiss to the top of your head. “It's getting late, I should probably head home too,” he said.
“Please stay,” you begged, just loud enough for him to hear you.
