it had started as nothing more than a singular moment. a tentative smile in a hallway and maddie had been the one left staring over her shoulder, her fingers slack on the handle of her dorm. as days had gone by, it had been small encounters in passing. bumping into one another on their way in and out of the communal kitchen. maddie sitting on the counter at 6am in the morning wondering whether colby was still awake. despite the fact...it had only been a few words in passing.
by the time the first term had ended, maddie had found herself getting the other to smile. found her in her comfies in the kitchen when she came back from training, eyes red from the weed but her smile so clear. you have the prettiest smile. and then they’d both laughed but maddie had quietened first and as colby had kept laughing...she knew that she didn’t truly think maddie meant it.
a party in the new year and maddie had found herself sitting under a heater on a porch, looking across at the young woman who she’d thought about throughout the holidays. she could smell the weed in the air. she’d coaxed colby out, introduced her to people she knew she’d like. and when maddie looked at her, it was with gentle but completely sincere fondness but as usual, colby was looking away. she’d just stood up from the bench when she saw colby coming towards her. smiling. high. and threw her arms around her neck. maddie wrapped one arm around her. and then two. and then she laughed. shall we get nuggets on the way home? to sate the munchies?
colby had seemed so nervous. it was a big deal. a big step. what a strange concept that you had to click with people then pick them to live with. not that maddie had any doubts about her friends and how they’d take to colby. but she could sense the nervousness on the other. she saw her pupils going wide. she noticed the small changes in colby’s features. she’d known her long enough. looked at her in most situations. checked up on her. and so she saw colby hesitate. if you’re gonna live with them next year, miss big shot placement...you have to meet them. her fingers slipped to colby’s wrist. for me, colbs?
maddie was under no impression that university was easy. family was no easier either. so when elle had told maddie that colby seemed upset, she’d dropped her kit bag right away and headed upstairs, passing her own ajar bedroom door in the process. colbs, it’s me... the silence from beyond the door. she swallowed thickly and pushed the door open. without words, she’d moved across to the small frame on the bed. i’m here. she’d breathed as she’d tentatively crawled onto the bed, shuffled up behind the other and when colby had reached back for her, maddie had wrapped her up tight in her arms and held her like nothing else mattered.
maddie sank another shot as she kicked her feet up on the chair. her jaw was set, her eyes red and she didn’t see the worried faces of her housemates changing out of the corner of her eye. it wasn’t like it was even a sidepiece. it wasn’t like colby was going on dates. she was fucking a goddamn lecturer or whatever she was and her wife. colby was off galavanting, having threesomes and here she was...sinking drinks like she had ever enjoyed the stuff.
maddie, it’s you that never told her. you can’t be mad...
does it look like i’m mad? does this look like mad to you?
you’re the one that has waited for fucking years. what are you scared of?
do you know how it feels to look at someone all the time and know they don’t look back?
a pained quiet as she pushed her chair back and pulled on her jacket. nowhere to go. not really anywhere to be. just not thinking about the girl she’d never had the guts to go for. as she moved out onto the street, she took in lungs full of air, feeling her eyes burn. her phone buzzed in her pocket.
where are you guys? i just got back. -- colby
maddie let out a dry laugh, wiping the tear that rolled down her cheek.
want me to grab you food on the way home?
how bad could being in love with your best friend for years really be?
