#xander hate

[revned]

rewatching Buffy from the very start yet again and I must say Xander has such a punchable and kickable face from the second he’s on screen. If Xander Harris has no haters I’m dead.

[deniouroboros]

Why Xander Deserves Less: A Rant (Or 'I just saw the 16th episode of the 2nd Season of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.')

I just saw 'Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered' and I need to complain about it. I know I'm like... two decades and a bit late and there's a feature length video on YouTube about why Xander sucks (which I'm waiting to see till after I've finished the show) but I like to talk about Buffy here.

My thought process was actually pretty funny because I actually had hope for real character development. I mentioned in my previous blog posts as I've been watching - last night, matter of fact - that I actually kinda like Cordelia and Xander together. I would say it's actually the best thing they've done for his character in the show, as they're actually funny together paired and play off each other well. Then as soon as the episode started I thought, "hey, this is oddly kinda mature of the both of them, that being they're both people with little to nothing in common but trying to make it work, that's kinda... mature, right?" which is... debatable but it makes for a funny and interesting dynamic, as they're both perhaps the most immature in the 'Scooby Gang.'

Then the scene in the screenshot above happened and I felt a glimmer of hope in my chest, because it felt like the writers were actually kinda on the same wavelength as me, *then* Cordelia breaks up with him and I thought... hey! This might just be what Xander's character needs for real development. Maybe his takeaway from this will be, "I lost a girl I actually quite liked because I'm an asshole and generally a weirdo creep to people, plus I can't stop mentioning the other girl I'm not over! Mayhaps I should do some introspection as to the content of my character so that in the future I won't lose someone I like due to my shortcomings as a person."

he casts a love spell that makes every woman in the world want him instead

and the episode ends with Cordelia coming back to him

In summary, probably the worst episode of the show thus far, which sucks because it's preceded by a solid 3 episode run of pretty great episodes. In the future, I will temper my expectations to Xander as a character and strictly understand him as the Joss Whedon self-insert that he is.

[mylittleballerinaalalala]

watching buffy the vampire slayer right now (i am on season two) and why the hell does Cordelia want Xander? LIKE HE ANNOYS ME SO MUCH AND IS SO MEAN AND AHHH

Why do anyone hang out with him?

[buffyseasonsix]

Feels like every time I watch buffy I hate xander more and more which is crazy because I really fucking liked him that first time and I understood him when he got bad but now I just watch season 6 and 7 and I get really fucking mad. Why couldn't he die for shock value instead of anya? Would've made more sense considering the horrors of war and all

[theothersideofsilence]

Ok look. Ik this isn’t what Kripke meant bc I know him we are of one soul buddy I’m also a Midwest misogynist but. Buffy without women? The funniest shit I’ve ever heard of. Like there are 2 options:

1. All the female characters in Buffy cease to exist. Since most of the dudes are there because they’re sleeping with Buffy or pre-gay willow and Giles is only there because of Buffy’s slaying stuff, u got Xander. Eric kripke, did you want a Xander-centric Buffy??? You wanted more of XANDER????* anyway Xander sucks and gets eaten by his vampire BFF (oh you don’t remember his vampire BFF? Don’t worry neither does Xander) immediately. The most satisfying hour of television ever. If they’re struggling to meet the time limit, maybe they can have a fifteen minute clip of Anya laughing.

Orrrrr....

2. All the girls on Buffy are guys and bc heteronormativity and shit, all the guys are girls. Willow’s will, cordelia’s cordell, dawn’s don and buffy’s.... u know, Buffy can still be Buffy. Not like it’s a normal name anyway. I would watch this for DAYS. This would infect my bloodstream. Bc the thing is? Buffy, for all its superficial 90s feminism, works with super gendered tropes and I would LOVE to see a woman try to pull off angel’s whole thing (spike would be easier because.... spike. He’s the sensitive bad boy as opposed to the sad bad boy, there’s a huge difference trust me ik my Buffy). And I mean, Buffy herself! Her whole thing is like, she’s the feminine ideal, she’s a tiny blonde happy-go-lucky cheerleader but, twist, she can kick ass. And like, obv that’s very reductive she’s only more interesting than other girls (see: cordelia) because she adopts traditionally masculine traits but not so much so that she freaks out the straight male audience who are there to look down her shirt, we’ve covered this, we know. But like. How would that play out with male Buffy? Is he like a football player who’s ‘feminine’ aspects only really come out in his relationship with Angel-a or in his team-building abilities? Is he a feminine man that’s underestimated by his masc counterparts? I mean obv neither of these concepts would fly, then or now, because the first approach would require appreciating stereotypically feminine attributes and the second would require making a gnc man the hero of his own story, but isn’t it fun? Isn’t it fun to think about?

Anyway, instead he came up with supernatural so. Maybe we aren’t that similar after all

*is that who SAM’S meant to be? Is he Kripke’s XANDER??

think I’m going to be sick brb

[bespangeled]

I'm trying to respond to the Spike bashing post but I can't, I guess the original poster had blocked me a long time ago. I think it's a very simple way of looking at the Spuffy relationship in S6. The OP neglects to note that Buffy does initiate the sex a lot of times. Buffy also admits that she was using Spike. I don't like it when Buffy is seen as the victim. Buffy is a grown woman who makes her own decisions and for her to be a feminist icon she needs to be held responsible for her actions.

 I hate the whole idea that because you are in a depressed state the choices you make should not have consequences. You might as well ask for pretty cartoon birdies to wake her from the windowsill. The rough part of spinning out of control in any situation is the fact that your choices suck and you have to live with them. She is adult enough to realize this - and so is he.

I agree that robbing Buffy of agency, and declaring her only role in season 6 to be a victim is more destructive to her as a character than any other interpretation. There has not been any passive female victim in this show - and we are gonna start with Buffy? And then add on to that the unsouled demon is supposed to be a gentle therapist who can reach her, and walk her into the sunlight…Spike is vilified for trying to reach her, for giving her what she asked for and not realizing what she really needed. That’s a higher bar than the one set for every one of the other characters.

It’s a hit piece - a classic. Take the worst possible interpretation of a character’s actions and add it all together. Throw in the ugliest motivations you can imagine - make the other character as frail as a tiny orphan with cancer - then spit it out with all the bile you have.

I’m seeing a lot more of this aimed at Xander. I know you are, too. But no on gets hate like Spike in this fandom.

[bizarrebird]

Skipping past some fillery bits, which I may summarize later, we’re moving onto Halloweeen. Now this episode gets referenced in a loooot of fan work and comes up here and there later on in the show. Both things are very directly Xander related (my fucking favorite) and I’ll probably mention them either in a footnote or as the liveblog goes. It also introduces fan favorite (and Giles’s ex) Ethan Rayne, probably gonna talk about him more later too. Fair warning, this liveblog will contain RAGE and rampant Xander hate

So here we go with Season 2, Episode 6: Halloween

Episode opens on Buffy in--not a graveyard. Surprise surprise! No, she seems to be in a pumpkin patch, fighting off a vamp while another watches from the bushes with a video camera that seems to be... weirdly higher quality than the actual show. Huh, go figure. Anyway, Buffy stakes the rando and we go to OPENING CREDITS

Time for a relatively quickie scene in the Bronze where Angel is waiting (again for some reason dressed all business casual instead of his usual brooding wardrobe) for Buffy, only to get approached by Cordelia instead, who has been blown off by her supposed date. They chat and Angel laughs at a joke Cordelia makes... Angel laughing, truly the end approaches. Buffy walks in and sees this and immediately goes to leave. Angel sees and stops her and here we go, I can feel the rage coming.

Ahem

Buffy tells Angel all her bad feelings about not being like other girls (kill me, kill me now, Joss, fucking do it) and how she doesn’t think she’s feminine enough for Angel cause all she thinks about are battle plans and strategies

Buffy, Buffy honey, my girl, my love. He’s a fucking vampire. What in the entire fuck makes you think he gives a shit about that??? WHO PUT THESE WORDS IN YOUR MOUTH MY DARLING GIRL????

deep breath, alright, just... just gonna move on

We go to the high school where Snyder is aggressively recruiting “volunteers” for a program to guide kiddos around on Halloween. As expected, out least favorite lizard man press gangs Buffy and co into doing the thing. Following them into the hallway after, they bemoan the fact that costumes are required (GUESS WHAT’S GONNA BE IMPORTANT LATER) for this thing. And then Xander gets up to get a soda

Gimme a sec, I gotta do some deep breathing, cause the rage, oh, it’s a coming

Alright, so we see Xander minding his own business and then enter Larry. I honestly can’t remember if Larry debuted before this in season one or not, but he is established here very quickly as a bully and kind of a pig. He’s... touchy with Xander, which is an interesting thing for later, and then makes some creepy comments about Buffy. Xander, his manpride insulted on her behalf (deep breaths) tries to pick a fight, knowing he’s gonna get his ass kicked real good. But then Buffy to the rescue!

What a great moment, a friend helping another friend. Xander thanks her and says how lucky he is to have a friend who looks out for him and--

No, no that’s not what happens. Because this episode of a classic feminist show is all about bruised boy egos (and our strong female character not being feminine enough)

Xander gives Buffy a big speech about how she just earned him a rep as ‘a sissy man’ (deep breaths, I can get through this) and how he... he would rather have gotten beaten up than been saved by a girl. On a show where a girl is tasked with saving the entire world on a daily basis. Yeah. And this is coming from our supposed ‘heart of the show’

Joss Whedon, any time you wanna stop by to chat with me, let me know, I have a few words to share

Alright, alright, moving on. So Xander storms off and Buffy and Willow have a conversation that miiiight be trying to frame Xander as overreacting (in the context of the rest of the episode, it’s real hard to tell) and then they move on to talk about another boy: Angel. Buffy laments about how Cordelia was there first being all pretty and stuff in Angel’s face. Willow assures her Cordy isn’t Angel’s type* although that’s not so much Buffy’s problem as she honestly has no idea what Angel’s type is. So they decide to go digging through the Watcher books on Angel to get the dirt

They go to sneak into Giles’s office, only for Buffy to catch Giles on the way in. She babbles at him to try to distract him from Willow sneaking in, getting his attention by bringing up Miss Calendar supposedly saying he’s a babe. Giles... Giles honey, why would you fall for that honey no. Willow gets the book and Buffy very quickly exits. They look over the book about Angel’s time and find a picture of a girl in a super fancy, old timey dress. Buffy bemoans that (aggressive sigh) she will never be like that. She then talks about her princess fantasies and I hate Joss Whedon

Now let me clarify, there’s nothing wrong with girls wanting to be princesses. Girls get to want to be pretty and put on the big poofy dresses, that is not the problem here

The problem is that Buffy, for some reason despite being able to wear all the hottest 90s looks, things not being this ideal princess type makes her inferior (later in the episode there will be talk of exactly what Angel does think of that type and wowzers, that’s a time) The problem is that, any way you look at this plot, it’s about how girls should feel shame for being too feminine or not feminine enough when it comes to pleasing their man

SO HOW ABOUT THAT FEMINISM GUYS GREAT STUFF JOSS

Now, to up that ante, Cordelia walks in and starts talking about how she’s suddenly into Angel now, I guess. The show just really, really wants drama between Buffy and Cordy cause as we all know, girls are only allowed one female friend. I honestly don’t get why they drag out this weird conflict when they’re not gonna seriously do anything with Angel and Cordelia here and like... they clearly want Cordelia to be part of the Scooby gang, but they insist on these random moments of pointless antagonism and augh

It’s fine. I’m fine. Moving on

We then go to the costume store where Willow shows the ghost costume she wants to wear. Buffy encourages her to pick something else, saying she’ll never get noticed if she keeps hiding, encouraging her to get out of her shell a little. Xander arrives and shows off his costume: a gun (wow, what a man) Buffy tries to apologize for defending him earlier (the rage shakes are back) and he just brushes her off cause his manpride is still bruised. Buffy, thank god, has her attention drawn from Xander to a pretty old timey looking dress, just like the one in the book she and Willow were looking at before. After Xander says something gross, Ethan Rayne appears from the back of his shop to show off the dress for Buffy, encouraging her to go for it, giving her a discount on the dress (totes not sketchy at all)

Next we go to Spike watching back the footage from the pumpkin patch and we see some brief heart eyes (look I’m not saying he’s into Buffy for Buffy yet, but it’s a proven fact Spike is into ladies when they’re kicking ass) Dru wanders over, strange as usual, until she mentions that something is going to make Buffy weak. Spike asks if this means she had a vision**. And I know they’re super creepy and weird, but Spike’s always so sweet with Dru and it’s great. She says that ‘someone new’ has come to change things on Halloween (wonder who that could be--)

We immediately go to Ethan Rayne performing a spell in front of a creepy statue. Next we see Buffy and Willow getting ready for the big night, Buffy mentioning that Angel will be coming over later to see her dressed all floofy. Buffy’s talked Willow in an outfit that she’s clearly super uncomfortable in. Xander arrives dressed as a soldier guy (intense sighing) and makes some comments about Buffy’s dress that are less creepy than they could be I guess. Willow comes downstairs... covered from head to toe in a ghost costume (she’s still precious, I don’t care what anyone says)

The Scoobies then go to the high to pick up their charges for trick-or-treating. Larry shows up to flirt with pick on Xander for a brief shot and then we go to a new kid. Oz is here guys! Did I mention I also love Oz? Cause I do, he’s short and quiet and I love him. He has a brief character establishing conversation with Cordelia (dressed as a cat, this will be important soon) and then runs straight into ghosty Willow (it’s not a meet cute yet but sooooooon) Xander lectures his kiddos on the best way to get quality candy, showing that he’s capable of being a decent human being, and then they move out and it’s time for trick-or-treating and it’s actually really cute seeing them hang out with the kids, but that’s cute and happy so it can’t last

And back we go to Ethan Rayne (who I guess has been chanting and hand bleeding this whole time) His spell takes effect right as Willow’s kidlets are getting candy from a nice old lady just in time for them to turn into their monster costumes and attack. Willow dies and turns into a ghost as we see an unnecessarily dramatic shot of Xander going all soldier guy. Willow approaches and he seems to have no clue who she is, telling her to find cover before walking straight through her. Again she tries to explain and gets in front of Xander trying to shoot a monster, which is actually a child (don’t even wanna talk about the fact that we heard gunshots before Willow got to him, just gonna think happy thoughts and pretend Xander isn’t a potential child murderer) They quickly find a dazed looking Buffy who passes out at the sight of monsters

sigh. so much sighing. Y’know for a show about girl power and Buffy saving the world, they sure do like stripping away her powers at least once a season cause it’s super funny to watch our heroine turn into a distressed damsel or get the shit kicked out of her. So much fun

MOVING ON

Xander fends off the monsters cause he’s the big hero now and Willow tries to explain things to Buffy, who thinks she’s from the 1700s. At least Xander and Buffy agree to follow Willow back to the Summers’ place. Buffy finds a picture of herself and Willow tries to talk her into remembering things, but period era Buffy just gets very confused and upset (and okay, I will take a moment to appreciate that Sarah Michelle Gellar has the cutest pouty face and I’m gay about it) Hearing a scream, Xander charges out to save Cordelia, who for some reason hasn’t turned into a cat. He gets her back inside to safety and Willow is somewhat relieved to have someone else there who hasn’t gone costume crazy. Also Xander gives Cordy his jacket and she’s clearly kinda into that (we all know she can do better, but we gotta do this for a while, so I’ll appreciate the less terrible moments where they come) Willow walks through a wall to leave and go find more help

We go to Spike walking down the street, loving the chaos. Back in the house, Xander’s barricading the windows and Buffy asks why he would take orders from a woman (lord give me strength) Xander finds a picture of him and Buffy with Willow, convincing him Willow’s telling the truth. Old timey Buffy doesn’t buy it and says a bunch of stuff that made my brain melt out my ears (I know, I know it’s poking fun at ye olden times and how women were treated back then, but I still don’t like hearing it) Angel just... just walks in (great job covering the doors Xander) and Xander and Buffy have no idea who he is, awesome

Giles is still in the library because I don’t think they make a set for his house till season four, so he’s readily available for Willow to find after she walks through the wall and almost gives him a heart attack. Back at the house, it’s a good thing Cordelia’s there to brief Angel on the situation just before the power goes out. They decide to split up and Angel takes Buffy into the kitchen, where he finds the door open. The monster that’s already in the house attacks Buffy. Angel goes to fight it off and for some reason decides to go all vamp face, which scares the shit out of Buffy, who just bolts out the door

Back in the library, Giles and Willow are trying to figure out what’s up. In explaining the situation, they realize Cordelia wasn’t effected by whatever’s going on and they make the connection to where they bought the costumes, Willow saying it was at a new place “Ethan’s” and this very clearly means something to Giles. As Xander, Angel, and Cordy search for Buffy, Spike overhears and sends his recruited child minions to track her down. A terrified Buffy makes her way through an alley where she runs into creepy pirate Larry

Willow and Giles go to the costume shop and find the creepy backroom with a glowing eyed statue, which Giles identifies as Janus. Ethan sweeps in and Giles orders Willow to leave so they can hate makeout. Okay they don’t, but you can see in their eyes that they totally want to. Ethan addresses Giles by the name “Ripper” hinting at a really cool backstory that we’ll get to someday. Meanwhile in the alley, Xander saves Buffy from pirate Larry and gives him a good smackdown, which is probably supposed to be triumphant or something, but who fucking cares, yay, Xander did a manly thing, whoop dee fucking do

Sorry my salt levels are just through the roof this episode

Cordelia and Angel get there and Cordy tells Buffy that Angel’s fine, he’s a good vampire and he would never hurt her (this foreshadowing hurts me) Willow finds them... somehow and warns them to get into hiding because Spike and the baby monsters are closing in fast. Back with the old mystics, Ethan flirts at Giles outrageously, who pretends to not be about it and accuses him of casting the spell that’s making all the mischief happen. Ethan cops to it and then accuses Giles of putting on a goody goody act. A loooot of history between these two is alluded to here (it’s almost interesting enough to make me wish Whedon had gotten to make that Ripper spin off about young Giles, fuck that could’ve been cool, but oh well, they never would have let Giles be bi anyway) and then Giles just punches the shit out of Ethan

Back with the Scoobies, who try to quickly barricade themselves inside one of the convenient empty warehouses nearby (Sunnydale has so fucking many of these) Buffy clings to Cordelia and I ship it (maybe the real reason why Cordelia’s being obnoxious about Angel is cause she’s secretly in love with Buffy. Just let Cordy be bi, Joss, just fucking do it) Spike and the monsters bust in and he gets Buffy cornered pretty quick and he hits her and she cries and it’s legitimately awful. Luckily, just in time Ethan admits breaking the statue will break the spell, so Giles does and then Buffy kicks some ass. Spike and Ethan both get away cause they’re too interesting to kill off this early. Everyone goes back to normal and Willow wakes up where she left her body. She ditches the ghost costume and goes past Oz’s fan and he’s just full on heart eyes

We go to Buffy’s bedroom where Angel asks why she dressed like that and she says she wanted to be a ‘real girl for once’ (and this is a sentiment I could appreciate if it was more slayer related and less ‘real girls have to be all feminine and perfect’) Angel says he hated the girls that were around back when he was young and human. Just all of them. Just hated every girl saying they were all dull and moronic and he just wanted to meet someone exciting who wasn’t like other girls (the rage shakes, they’re back) The acting is what makes this moment cute and they kiss

The next day, Giles goes back to Ethan’s shop to find it completely cleared out and a note left behind for him that’s as flirty as it is ominous and we go to credits

FINAL THOUGHTS: So. This is not my favorite episode and it has a couple messages that I think are damaging to the show as a whole. We do get Oz and Ethan here, who are fun new characters, and the premise is an interesting one*** with some lingering effects****. I’m just glad to be done with it.

*Trust me, when we get to Angel season... 2-3 this will be hilarious

**I don’t think it’s explained here and I think Angel actually goes into more detail about the fact that Drusilla had some kind of psychic powers when she was a human, which is why she was targeted and turned

***As I talked about in the opening, there are a loooot of fanworks prompted by this episode that ask the question, what if the characters picked different costumes? And this is a cool question, except most of these fics focus on how to make Xander the most extreme super badass of all time. Great.

****This pertains mostly to Xander who, when the show decides it needs him to, remembers his soldier training so he can be marginally useful from time to time.

[bizarrebird]

As mentioned, I’m still on my Buffy kick, so I’m gonna continue with my live blogging. Fair warning, I may skip some episodes because they’re... not great or too Xander centric for my tastes. But I don’t think anyone’s gonna read these who isn’t familiar with the series so you probably know why I’m skipping the ones I am.

Anyway, onto Season 2, Episode 2: Some Assembly Required

First, I just wanna say, I’m really dumb cause I thought this was the episode where Spike and Dru show up and stuff gets good but SURPRISE THAT’S NOT TILL EPISODE THREE FFFFFFUUUUUUUU

So we start with Buffy in a graveyard (we start here a lot, idk if it’s the same graveyard all the shots here are so fucking dark you can’t tell what anyth) waiting for a new vamp to rise from his grave. Angel appears out of nowhere, startling her because, as Buffy points out, he never learned to approach people like a normal person. Angel makes a comment about how he expected Buffy to have Xander or someone with her.

And okay, there’s a lot to unpack in this conversation, the parts that happen before and after they get interrupted by random vampire of the week. Don’t wanna spend the whole liveblog on this, so I’m gonna bullet point the important things

Angel giving Buffy shit for dancing with Xander, but refusing to admit he’s jealous cause Angel is a tool (this is a recurring theme)

Buffy saying she just did it to make Angel jealous, probably cause he’s a tool and never wants to talk about his feelings (also a recurring theme)

Vague slutshamey talking about the dancing which is super uncomfy

Angel calling Xander ‘just a kid’ which has a lot of just... super creepy implications, which are like almost addressed when Buffy asks if that means she’s a kid too, but we don’t get an answer to that (for the record she’s 16 and Angel is super fucking old, yeah I gotta talk about this later in another post)

Angel just tries to go cause he’s a little shit baby who makes Buffy do like 80% of the work in their relationship

Alright, there’s a lot of expansion that can be done on all this, but a lot of it’ll probably happen in liveblogging future episodes.

SO ANYWAY as Buffy goes to chase after Angel (like he always makes her do), she falls into an open grave and they realize the body has been dragged away, starting this investigation into the ‘monster of the week’ as we go to OPENING CREDITS

As the cool music fades we go to Buffy and Xander walking into the library to find Giles talking to an empty chair, practicing how to ask out Jenny Calendar. It’s actually pretty cute and I love awkward nerd dad Giles and Buffy sasses him in a charming way... which Xander then makes super weird, leading to the very, very warranted line from Buffy: “I fear you.” You should fear him, Buffy. You and every other female character in this show. Buffy goes on to give Giles some advice about asking Jenny out, which is sweet, while Xander is a tool.

Buffy then starts talking about the grave she and Angel found. Xander of course has to comment on her being there with Angel, y’know the guy Buffy has a legit on and off again thing with, who she has every right to hang out with without you judging her Xander, shut your gross mouth. Buffy continues to explain stuff and they decide to get Willow to look into the missing body, cause I guess this was the 90s and no one else knows how computers work

Willow we find being adorable and signing up for a science fair where random creepo of the week (I think he’s called Erik???? idk he’s gross so I don’t wanna acknowledge him more than I absolutely have to. Isn’t it wild that a feminist show has so many just casually creepy dude characters? I wonder what that’s about, Joss) Less creepy rando of the week, Chris, shows up and has a nice chat with Willow (too bad we’re going to forget he exists after this episode) Then light of my life, queen of my heart Cordelia shows up to also do the science fair cause the writers needed to find a reason to get her into this plot where she’s gonna get creeped on a whole bunch, great. Buffy shows up for Scoobie bizz and Cordy and Willow go with her, conveniently missing the super cryptic lines the episode randos drop in the middle of a crowded school hallway, but I guess none of the extras can hear so no one calls the cops

Cut to the library where everyone except Willow is scared of the witchcraft that makes the computer work, so she looks up the missing dead girl. Cordelia doesn’t care what they’re doing, but follows along anyway cause the writers kinda want her to be in the Scoobie gang but can’t figure out how to make it happen. She also drops some big foreshadowing that no one listens to because no one in this show appreciates her the way I do. Willow finds that their missing dead girl was killed in an accident with two other girls, so they decide to see if their bodies are gone too as Giles runs through creepy theories about flesh eating demons or zombies. Buffy briefly mentions Angel and Xander shoves his own foot up his ass in protest

We then go to the graveyard where Giles and Xander dig up the grave while Buffy and Willow talk about boys (will we pass the bechdel test this episode? we just don’t know) Buffy gets shamed more for her ‘sexydance’ with Xander and then she asks about the foreshadowing Cordelia dropped earlier and Willow turns into an exposition fairy to talk about Chris’s dead brother, who totally isn’t related at all to the dead bodies being dug up now. Buffy opens up the coffin and we cut to--

Cordelia heading to her car after cheer practice, only to be stalked by a mysterious pair of shoes in the most ripped from a horror movie scene this episode. She hides in a dumpster only to realize the creep following her is actually Angel, who still doesn’t know how to not terrify people he’s trying to talk to. As she’s getting out o the dumpster, Cordelia finds a severed hand trying to cop a feel

The gang gets back to the library where Angel and Cordelia are hanging out (probably planning their spin off already) and Xander and Angel are stupid at each other because that’s the only kind of interaction these two can ever have. Angel tells them about the body parts in the dumpster, which apparently he looked at enough to know some bits are missing, throwing out all the theories the scoobies came up with. He says that the stitching was super good and Giles makes the (very justified) point that high schoolers shouldn’t know how to do that, but apparently they like to stitch up bodies in the science club, so it’s time to break into some lockers. Cordelia asks Angel to take her home and it’s weird for everyone (also Angel’s wearing a really weird jacket right now, it’s khaki and makes him look like a business man who just got laid off and is super bummed that means he can’t sneak around with his secretary anymore)

We then go to Chris’s house where his mom is clearly grieving, but still awful. Now okay, this scene is super short, but very good at establishing everything we need to know about Chris’s homelife, so points there. Back to the school for breaking into people’s lockers. Chris and creepo are found to have lots of medbooks and the creepiest fucking frankengirl made out of pictures from magazines or something. We then go to Chris and creepo in their secret lab where they’re frankensteining the girl bits together

And now we go to the school where Buffy rightly says how messed up this is and Xander opens his mouth to word vomit about love and it’s so weird how his mouth moves but Whedon’s words come out and shit all over female characters. Then we get some cute flirting with Giles and Jenny and he stutters a whole bunch and she asks him out and it’s a genuinely sweet moment (this is when we feel the Whedon destruction of happiness hammers looming. Remember kids, Joss Whedon hates happiness)

Willow tries to do research while Xander’s a dumbass, then Buffy gets there and they discuss the possibilities of frankengirl already being shambling around, only for Giles to get there and say that all three dead heads have been found, so Chris and creepy haven’t finished the job yet. We go to them, talking about how they’ve gotta move fast cause there’s a time limit before the limbs start being extra super dead. Creepy wants to kill a girl and Chris is like ‘dude what the fuck, I’m not doing that’ and it’s revealed that his super dead brother is now a frankenjock and these guys can just... bring people back from the dead??? For a show where people drop like flies, you’d think this would get a little more focus, but no. Super dead bro just wants an equally horrifying lady friend and manages to football talk Chris into agreeing to murder. Dead guy looks at creepy’s pictures and he picks Cordelia (cause it’s been almost an episode since she’s been kidnapped, gotta tick that box again)

The Scoobies meanwhile realize that Chris and creepy have to kill a new girl to get a head and Buffy’s the only one appropriately enraged by this. Willow tries to argue sympathy for Chris, which Buffy doesn’t seem to go for until she goes to Chris’s house and gets an idea of how shit his situation is with his mom. Buffy goes to check out Chris’s weird basement room while dead bro looms, she finds a creepy cut up picture of Cordy and rushes to the rescue. Meanwhile Cordelia gets menaced and kidnapped in the locker room but Buffy shows up just in time to save her. Then Cordelia, cause she’s a fucking pro, insists on going out for cheerleading stuff, gotta lead all those fuckin cheers

Buffy realizes Chris is still there and does try to sympathize, but tells him he’s gotta knock off the creepy shit. Chris plays the pronoun game saying he has to do this for “him” until Buffy realizes he means his dead brother. We briefly see said brother smashing everything and attacking creepy until he says he can make him the lady friend on his own. Buffy and Chris get back to the hidey hole too late and realize dead bro and creepy are still going after my sweet Cordelia

At the football game we see Giles and Jenny on their date, her actually calling it that and making Giles go all awkward. But then the cockblock crew shows up and Willow and Xander steal Giles’s food instead of... y’know, worrying about the potential frankenteen stuff going on. Cordelia gets statched by the dead guy and dragged off while the crowd is distracted by the bizarrely shiny yellow pants the football players are wearing. Buffy and Chris get there a little too late and then we see Cordelia with the creeps and she screams a lot, which... fair Cordy, me too

Chris tells Buffy where to find Cordelia. Apparently they’re just doing this in an old science lab??? .Chris goes to get backup and Buffy goes for the save. She real quickly tries to talk things down, cause she does sympathize with Chris, but when deaders goes to attack Cordy, Buffy goes for the ass kick. The fight goes on for a really, really long time cause this guy won’t get staked. The lab starts catching on fire as Xander gets there and (being useful for the first time this episode, no this season) goes to get a tied up Cordelia out (or he tries to, he can’t undo the fucking straps holding her down on her weird gurney thing, just ignoring all the knives and cutting tools like a foot away cause why use his thinkerbox for anything other than petty quips)

Giles and Willow get there and remove an unconscious creepy. Xander just... he fucking throws himself onto a still screaming Cordelia, giving up getting her untied and just wheels them out because the lab is on too much fire now. This knocks the gurney where the rest of the bits of the would be frankengirl are into the biggest fire. Dead bro is about to super smash Buffy when Chris gets there and yells at him.

This makes him notice the burning body and he just... really awkwardly climbs on top of it and gets redeaded in the fire. And it’s kinda sad but he’s been super creepy this whole episode and no one will remember this later

Outside the fire department gets there a little before Angel does (still wearing his weird khaki outfit like he forgot his middle and last names are “I’ll stop wearing black when they invent a darker color”) And he just... stands there for a bit until we cut to Giles and Jenny talking about a second date. I’m sure that will go well and there won’t be any drama

Xander and Willow talk about how they’re sad and dateless for some reason. Well, Xander says that because he’s a clod and Willow humors him because she’s a soft lovely lady who hasn’t realized there are better options out there yet (soon, honey, soon) Cordelia, who has been temporarily possessed by Joss Whedon, tries to flirt at Xander a little, but he’s dumbass and just brushes her off

Cordelia makes the greatest face ever and is temporarily released from the mild insanity that makes her think Xander is anything more than a terrible worm boy (this won’t last and I hate that)

Now we close out on the same graveyard where we started (wow, neat, such closure, much meaning wow) There’s also this weird cut to a closeup where Sarah Michelle Gellar is clearly standing on a box as Angel talks about how he is in fact jealous of Xander. Progress! I guess. He talks about how being a vampire is suffering cause it makes dating a teenager hard

I joke, but okay, this is a sweet scene and a nice way to bookend the episode, and this is coming from Bangelhater69 over here

FINAL THOUGHTS: In terms of advancing the plot, not a whole lot happens, but there are some good character and relationship moments here, so it’s definitely not all bad. But hey guys SPIKE GETS HERE NEXT EPISODE!!!!