#xantalks

[xannerz]

what are your most normie traits i think mine are hmm loving ariana grande's music, wanting a beach-themed bathroom, and finding the james cameron avatar movies thoroughly entertaining

[xannerz]

i have the urge to draw so much cassunzel

[xannerz]

i really resent how it's so hard for me to relax and enjoy my hobbies these days. used to love playing video game. would spend hours building a zoo or sinking my teeth into whatever else title intrigued me, and now i can barely get into a single player game because it feels like a waste of time -- i could (should) be drawing or reading instead. at least with multiplayer, i'm socializing with my friends so it feels fulfilling. and i like video games! but playing them alone now feels like... 🧍‍♀️. when it shouldn't feel that way lmao.

then i can't draw because hmm maybe i should be practicing gouache or working with clay, because you know, you love both mediums so much you just love your craft time, don't you? but then i can't do that because you're never going to actually get good at any of that anyway, so that's not really so productive is it?

so then i sit, unfulfilled, gripped by choice paralysis, and the persisting sense of unfulfillment and waste follows. the inaction is such a messy contradiction to my values ("there's no 'right' way to enjoy what you enjoy, silly!"), but when time feels so limited all the time you always want to make the most of it... and then you don't.

i keep dwelling on the crux of the issue perhaps just being a lack of discipline to follow through on a simple routine, but my moods and mind feel so scattered ykwim. i don't think this will be my forever, but it feels like the dumbest obstacle/point-of-angst to have. 🫩🤹‍♀️

[xannerz]

sometimes i'm like maybe i should get more involved in local queer orgs, and then my friend(s) who are involved (whether as an organizer/board member or event attendee) share stories of them interacting with the most insufferable people imaginable and i'm like ykw. i think i'm okay. i do not have the patience for this.

[xannerz]

pa and i recently split an ipad mini as a mother's day gift for mom and she's enjoying it! i keep calling her my ipad kid because she's constantly tapping away on it and she's like stoppp but i'm rly delighted lmao

[xannerz]

might say fuck it and start posting spicy tts art. whatever.

[xannerz]

the trump/musk post-breakup tweetwar has been a rly entertaining part of the day so far

[xannerz]

watching the ice-loving transphobic artist's follower count drop in real time on ig