nothing ever ends like how you expect. to think that the arrival of the heptapods would have somehow disclosed itself by the time their work had finished would have been an insane thought, but ian still had treated it that way in his subconscious. he hadn’t gone in knowing that he would fall in love with a linguist and would marry her, propose to her in a state of nervous frenzy. he hadn’t gone in knowing that he would be grieving his daughter years before her death. nothing ends the way it should have, and yet it did.
he has learned about louise. he has learned that his daughter took her final breath in the very same second he shook hands with colonel weber and agreed to take the job that would change his life. ian is aware of the possibility that hannah is still very much alive as he stands over her grave, and yet... he isn’t. he lives the sequence, once and only. never again would he return to this funeral ( only in the memories of the past ). to him, in this moment, hannah is dead. nothing more. nothing less.
he conflicts himself. would his grief be spared ? would ian be able to see his daughter again, hold her again, sing to her ? if time was really non-linear, then perhaps he would never have to mourn, for she is always alive.
but louise’s words remind him the price of it all. i never do well on this day. a growing pain inside his chest forms. he’s said this. they’ve had this conversation a dozen times, maybe more. the thought of living this over and over makes him want to leave, to stop invading her memories, her present, her future. it’s the same urge he felt when she first told him of hannah’s tragedy, the urge he’ll feel when being elevated into the unknown spaceship for -- there it is.
he abandons the thoughts, takes a shaky breath. running now... it would only make the pain worse. that’s why ian takes a step forward, figuring he can no longer trust his timeline. for louise, she would see his face every day, every second for the rest of her life.
for him, this could be his last to see hers.
he brings her into an embrace, a hug that to the audience surrounding raises questions. their lives pass by the same as his, like the blurry faces of strangers on a train, completely ignorant to the worlds they’ve seen. this hold between louise and ian forestalls the train. his fingers gripping around her shoulders are tipped with good intentions. a few tears drop onto the silk, disordered in such a way it could not have happened twice anywhere. and yet it has. and he feels that now.
❛ after this, ❜ he asks, shuddering, ❛ do we see each other again ? ❜