I Don't Want to Lose You. Part 1. [Jereo DBBS AU]
The boy sat up and shut off his telly, always giving the woman full attention out of courtesy, and slid the phone open to answer. "Hey, Mum." When he heard his mothers shaking breath he knew something was wrong. The first thing he thought was that something had happened to Kelly, but she quickly explained what had really happened. She was crying not because of the pain this news brought her, but of the pain she knew it would deal to her son, and she told him that she regretted telling him now, since she couldn't be there, but it was only right for him to know.
His grandfather had passed away. His last significant male relative who still lived in Wicklow. The news hit hard, and as a hot tear slid across his pale cheek he quickly hung up his phone and tossed it away, the last words on the end of the line being his mother begging that he wouldn't fall off the wagon, that he wouldn't do anything. Jeremy's entire body was shaking, more than noticeably, and he gingerly touched his back pocket to feel for his bike keys, yanking the helmet off his kitchen table and bolting from his dorm.
He had to get out, he didn't know where, but he knew he couldn't be somewhere that he knew. Risk drinking. Risk fighting. He just had to go somewhere safe, maybe a place where he could lose it. He kept swatting the tears from his cheeks, surprised at how steady his breath was, how he didn't sniffle, he was focused, that was good. Focused on what? He sat on his bike and shoved his helmet on, taking off onto the empty city streets and driving as fast as he could.
He passed one of the bars he'd frequented but willed himself to not stare, not be tempted, and fill his mind with the only thing that he knew would anchor him, the man who could replace every loss he'd had in his already short life, Mr. Karsen. Theo Karsen. For a moment his eyes slid shut, just for a moment, and he visualized his teacher--no, his friends face. The man he'd confessed everything too, the only man who knew the truth about his past and accepted him no matter what. It was beautiful... and just for that time it cloaked the pain and fury that filled Jer's spirit.
He turned a familiar corner, despite himself, and found the apartment complex. He had to remind himself to carry out such simple tasks, such as leaving the kick stand and taking off his helmet, before he found his way to the door, his trembling down a numb buzz below his skin. He just needed to hear his voice, feel the warmth of his embrace, take in his scent... now, more than ever before. His palm set a bit too long on the doorbell, then fell pathetically at his side, and he found himself gazing off as if the dark world around him could cave in at any moment.
Theo: Theo lounged on the couch, feet up on the coffee table and laptop balancing on his knees, and he chewed on his bottom lip as he browsed profiles on the latest site he’d joined. It called itself a ‘dating site,’ but most of the guys on there really only used it for quick one night arrangements, and Theo was just reaching that point where he was lonely enough to seek someone out, even for one night. He’d had the TV on, but had kept getting distracted by Law and Order reruns – it was his guilty pleasure, that stupid show. So now the only sound was Theo’s occasional typing and clicking, and the impossibly loud ticking from the retro Star Wars clock on the wall. It was quiet, but he was used to it by now. You tend to get used to it after so long being alone.
He’d just managed to find a profile that wasn’t completely riddled with grammatical errors and had more than just one picture of some guy’s junk when the doorbell rang. He flinched a little and thought about ignoring it because it was probably just the elderly woman from down the hall, but then he decided that he just couldn’t be that rude. He set his computer on the coffee table and stood, swearing to himself that he could hear his joints popping, even though he was only thirty years old, and he made his way to the door. As he unlocked it, he prepped a smile for his neighbor, getting ready to listen to another long story about grandchildren that never visited.
Only it wasn’t his neighbor. It was Jeremy. Theo’s eyebrows shot up, his back straightening in surprise, and he opened his mouth to greet the kid, but words failed him. Because Jeremy didn’t look like Jeremy at the moment, and the sight of him like this made Theo’s chest feel tight. Finally, he swallowed and managed a stupidly-sounding, “Jer – ah, hey.” And quickly, he stepped aside, making an awkward gesture for Jeremy to come inside. “What’s the matter, kid?”
Jeremy: Jeremy would thank Karsen later for using so many awkward syllables, because without them he doubted he could have noticed the mans call from the haze he was under. The boy weakly swallowed, and it hurt the same way rum did whenever he drank it straight, and he hated how it didn't produce a similar effect. He blinked a few times, glad the water works had shut off during his moment of going completely blank at the mans doorstep.
His eyes finally met the mans body and slowly rose up to take him all in. It was like Theo was literally glowing, all gold hair and piercing blue eyes, but Jer reasoned with himself that it was just the light flooding out from inside the apartment. He knew he was gaping, that tended to happen a lot when he took Theo in, and he had just enough sense to stop that, running a hand through his messy helmet hair, feeling himself stumble slightly again. The shock was setting in.
"I... I..." Leave. Go now. What the hell were you thinking?
Theo: When Jeremy didn’t answer, Theo’s concern turned nearly desperate. He was protective of most of his students – some even sarcastically called him ‘mom’ with a smile and roll of their eyes – but his consideration for Jeremy went much farther than anyone else. And as Jeremy finally looked at him, Theo’s stomach twisted a little at the look in Jeremy’s eyes. And his stutter and the way he trailed off didn’t help anything.
Without thinking, Theo reached for him, cupping the side of Jeremy’s neck and ducking down a little so that he could look into Jeremy’s face closer. The responsible adult in him needed to make sure he wasn’t inebriated in any way, but Jeremy’s brown eyes weren’t glassy like he’d been drinking, they were simply… broken. And that almost physically hurt.
Theo’s frown deepened, making lines appear in his forehead, and he swallowed hard. He slid his arm around Jeremy’s shoulders, pulling the student to him and guiding him into the apartment in the same motion. “Get in here,” he said softly, keeping an arm around him as he shut the door behind them.
Jeremy: It was the first time that evening that Jeremy's breathing began to get to him, but it wasn't due to his grandfathers death, it was Theo's headstrong approach and hold on him. He looked up into the man's eyes, getting lost in them at that moment, and he was glad Theo had a strong hold on his neck or he might have leaned up to do something they'd both regret. He felt better, as soon as those arms wrapped around him, he knew he'd be ok. It would take time to truly believe it, weeks, months, to accept the fact that he wouldn't be able to just lift up his laptop and skype call his granddad. Ask him for advice, find out how things were in Wicklow, hear another old war story for thousandth time.
He shook his head a bit, forcing himself to not reflect on this horrible reality so soon, his hand rising to grip awkwardly to Theo's shirt against his hip. He tilted his head inward, against Theo's side, his other hand settling between the man's chest and stomach, getting some hold on him. He took in a deep breath as he promised, smelling Theo not just on his body, but all around. It was the man's home, one he'd only had the luxury of visiting once, and that was for a quick walk in walk out... for good reason. Jeremy shouldn't be here but it's where he had to be.
Theo: A small part of Theo had almost worried that Jeremy might push him away, but he was beyond glad when that didn’t happen. He rubbed small circles on Jeremy’s back, looking around as he tried to think of what to do or say next – the kid was obviously upset about something, but Theo didn’t want to pry. His gaze fell upon the couch, and he looked down at Jeremy as he started to guide the student towards it.
“Here,” he said, sitting Jeremy gently down on the couch. He straightened and took a step back, hands going to his hips, and he nodded, awkwardly. “I’m, ah, gonna make some coffee? Or tea? I think I have some…. Or hot chocolate – nothing special, Swiss Miss. No marshmallows,” he rambled even more awkwardly. He closed his eyes, cringing at how inept he was behaving, and he ran a hand through his hair. “Coffee – coffee will do us both good, yeah?” And he turned to go to the kitchen.
Jeremy: Jer literally felt glued to his teacher, almost like a suction cup, and it was almost physically painful to be set apart from him. He knew deep down how wrong it was to be as close to Theo as he was just then, but at this time he didn't care about rules or social etiquette. The boy held his head for a moment, at war with himself and why he had come here, why he wasn't just telling Theo what had happened, taking a pat on the back, and leaving, hiding behind a bottle of whiskey for the rest of the evening and passing out on the beach.
That was why, because Theo had become his center since he came to DBBS, and he couldn't... he wouldn't hide behind anything else but this man from now on. He wondered if he should be telling him any of this. How his heart felt so at ease just by being stared down by him in this horrible state.
Jeremy looked back up at him, elbows on his knees still, and he ran a hand over his lips, trying to revive them, get them to work. Tea, he would love tea, but then again tea would remind him of home. How ridiculous. Jer swiped a hand through the air aimlessly, nodding and mouthing a silent yes, only to spare Theo and allow him to... fix something. They were men... it's what they did at times like these, when everything was up in the air, you could at least fix something and that would keep you off edge.
Theo: In the kitchen, Theo managed to get the coffee brewing before he needed to take a moment. Placing his elbows on the counter, he bent forward and hung his head, the gears in his brain working as he tried to think about what to do. Seeing Jeremy like this was… heartbreaking. If Theo could take it all away, if he could shoulder whatever it was that had Jeremy so distraught, he would do it in a second. It wasn’t fair that he didn’t have that ability, it wasn’t fair at all that Jeremy had to suffer.
The pot didn’t finish – Theo collected himself quicker than he’d anticipated – he paused the brewing so that he could pour two cups of it. He piled sugar into one of them, then gave it a little milk and stirred it carelessly. Shoving the carton of milk under his arm, he precariously grabbed the two mugs, a spoon, and the sugar bowl, before returning to the living room. He set out all of it on the coffee table beside his laptop, then sat down beside Jeremy. He glanced sideways at him.
“Are you – ah, do you need anything?” Theo asked, and Christ, was it the dumbest question on the planet, or what? He shook his head at his own senselessness, bracing an elbow on his knee and covering his eyes with his hand.
Jeremy: Jeremy lifted his face from his own palms when Theo returned with the mugs and milk, all of it looking so unappetizing in that moment, but he once again spared Theo with a genuine smile and a nod, the words still failing to come. He looked over toward the man, his eyebrows slanted in angst as he watched him grow unsteady with how he was handling this situation, which, at least to Jeremy, he felt the man deserved a metal after this. He was doing... incredible for a someone who'd been treated so unfairly by the boy who hadn't even given him an explanation.
Jer drew in a breath that betrayed him as he exhaled, shuddering out like he'd blown against a fan, and he reached a shaky hand to grasp the carton of milk, quickly retracting and deciding against it. That coffee would only spill over his arms, and worse, all over his mentors carpet and couch, he didn't need more chaos than what he'd already brought with him. He thought on the question, looked at Theo, and finally muttered his answer, "Hold me...?"
Theo: When Jeremy took a breath, Theo looked back at him, almost immediately cursing himself inwardly – he was sure the kid didn’t need him gawking at him so much. And as Jeremy reached for the table but changed his mind, Theo felt strangely guilty – like all of this was his fault. That’d always been him – he’d always wanted to take the blame for anything and everything that happened around him if it meant it’d make it easier on other people.
At Jeremy’s soft request, and at the way he looked at Theo, Theo’s heart clenched like a fist. He nodded quickly and licked his lips, before saying, “Yeah, yeah – I can do that.” He sat back, relaxing a little against the couch, and he lifted an arm to make room for Jeremy next to him. “Come here, kid,” he said gently, gesturing with a short nod.
Jeremy: The waterworks came back almost immediately after Theo's arm opened to him and Jer quickly dove in, propping up slightly on one of his knees to not have to bend Theo forward as his arms enclosed around his mentors shoulders and neck. He ducked his face firmly between the nape of them, hiding away so he wouldn’t embarrass himself from crying right in front of Theo. He quickly started feeling bad for the two small stains of salt water that settled on his shoulder, and he just kept breathing, hoping to manage and contain himself. As much as everything hurt, Theo felt good, Theo was the one good thing he could cling to with his hands and thoughts.
Theo: As Jeremy buried his face in the spot between his neck and shoulder, Theo wrapped both of his arms around the kid, a hand finding its way to the back of Jeremy’s head, fingers curling slightly into his dark hair. It was obvious by the way Jeremy tried to control his breathing that he was crying, even before Theo could feel the wetness on his shoulder. And that hurt a lot more than Theo wanted to admit.
“Shhh,” he breathed into Jeremy’s ear, squeezing him a little. He realized after a moment that he was speaking softly, saying stupid, pointless things like, “I’ve got you,” and “It’s okay,” even though he had no idea what was going on, so he most certainly didn’t know if things were okay. But it came out on his own, and it made him feel like he was doing something. And mindlessly, without any control over himself, he sort of nuzzled the side of his face against Jeremy.
Jeremy: The warmth encapsulated him and he fell weak against the man, hands gripping tight to the material of his shirt, fighting the impulse to touch his hair the way Theo felt his own. Theo's gentle voice was the one thing that wasn't doing Jer any favors, and as each word was lightly cooed against him he could feel himself let out a choke, then a sniff, and maybe a highly embarrassing little squeak.
He was only glad to say that this wasn't his most pathetic moment on earth, though the audience wasn't one he'd have picked to view this state of him first hand. When the man’s jaw nudged his ear he turned his head further inward, his feverish forehead and dampened eyelashes pressing against the side of Karsen's neck. Jer felt the knee that supported him grow weak and was forced to withdraw his arms to tuck them against him and between his chest and Theo's. His cheek rested firm against his teachers shoulder, and he felt his breath begin to clear once more, the storm having passed, at least for now.
Theo: As Jeremy melted against him, Theo welcomed it sincerely. He was glad for the way the student grasped his shirt, for every little noise he unintentionally made – it was enough that Jeremy was reacting at all, Theo was just relieved to see the life in him.
And when Jeremy tucked his arms between their chests, Theo could feel the way his breathing started to calm, as though he were regaining control over himself. Theo ran his fingers through Jeremy’s hair, shushing him lightly again, and he swallowed against the lump in his throat – he almost felt like crying himself. This wasn’t right. There was so much pain in Jeremy, just radiating off of him in distressing waves. It wasn’t fair that someone as good as Jeremy had to deal with this.
“I’m sorry,” Theo murmured, rubbing Jeremy’s back with the hand that wasn’t buried in his hair. “I’m so sorry, Jer. I wish… I wish I could take it away. Whatever's causing this, I wish I was dealing with it and not you.”
Jeremy: Jer's chin trembled so he sucked in his bottom lip, trying to control it, but his whole body was now shaking like a leaf anyway. Funny how at his weakest points he tried so desperately to come off as strong, try and keep himself from looking completely vulnerable, as if he could manage the world. He knew he could never fool anyone though, least of all Theo Karsen. He shut his eyes and swallowed while Theo's fingers carded through his hair, and it felt almost sinfully good, even while another tear escaped one of his tightly closed eyelids.
The words helped, especially because they kept Jer from thinking too much, remembering things, and Theo somehow, someway, always knew what to say. It really was a gift. But Jeremy didn't want the man wishing such misfortune on himself, not ever. "Theo..." He choked, wiping one of his hands across his face and brow.
Theo: It practically pained Theo to hear the way Jeremy choked out his name as he swept a hand over his face. And though Theo was enjoying holding Jeremy more than he’d ever admit for fear of looking like a pervy old man, he put his hands on Jeremy’s shoulders and pulled the kid back a little so that he could look at him again. He felt something like a pull in his chest when he saw what shape the kid was in, and he gave him what he hoped was a reassuring look.
He brought both his hands up, cradling Jeremy’s face in them. “I’m here, alright? And I always will be. And I hope you know there’s nothing to be ashamed about,” he added, and though it was at first an attempt to lighten the mood, it came out more serious than he’d meant it to. He brushed a thumb over one of Jeremy’s cheekbones, following the shape of it. “Anything you need… I got you.”
Jeremy: Jer was, for some odd reason, ok with Karsen pressing him back this time. Maybe it was because his firm hands didn't leave his body in the process, and he went weak once more as they handled his strong jaw. He gulped again, forcing himself to look directly at Theo, even though he'd be content to shut his eyes again, he had to take in what his mentor told him, every word, and remember his face as he said it.
Theo had never looked at him like this before, and he knew he was loved, although he doubted they'd ever be able to admit something like that to one another, however platonic it was, Jeremy was loved by Theo, and that... that was something he needed reminding of. He was a complicated boy but he had very simple needs. Theo fulfilled everyone of them with a swipe of his thumb across his cheek and a slant of his brow as he preached promises to him, promises that Jeremy prayed could be kept. If he ever lost Theo... He couldn't reflect on something like that, not ever.
Jeremy nodded stiffly, sniffing again, and shifting his body to be much more comfortable. He wanted to tell Theo what had happened, but he was frightened too, feeling like it would truly seal the fact that his grandfather was gone. In his own life. He was frightened. He didn't want to accept it yet. "M... my... grandad." He choked out, leaving it at that, hoping Theo could fill in the blanks.
Theo: Jeremy’s nod was stiff, and the look on his face was conflicted – like he didn’t know if he wanted to speak or not. And when the words finally came out, they sounded almost like they had to be forced out. Realization settled over Theo – it all made sense just hearing Jeremy say that. He sighed a little and pulled Jeremy to him again, moving him so that they were sitting side-by-side, and sliding an arm around his shoulders to hold him tight.
“I’m sorry,” he said again, but god did he mean it. Jeremy had confided in him before about his father, and it didn’t at all seem fair that he’d had to lose another person in his life. And if this is how it affected him, it didn’t take a genius to figure out they must have been close. “I’m… glad you came here. I just wish I knew what to do to take the pain away, kid.”
Jeremy: He continued to tremble lightly in Theo's embrace, but the tears remained at bay. He felt safe to shut his eyes again when his cheek leaned up to Theo's left peck, listening to his steady heartbeat. Jer tucked his hands between his own legs but curled in to accept the hold, taking in deep breaths in hopes of maybe recovering a bit.
"M-me too." Jeremy said, surprised to hear that Theo hadn't been inconvenienced, and happy he was at least able to manage small sentences now. "You have though. Thank you..."
Theo: Theo was glad that Jeremy didn’t pull away, even after he’d started to recover. His weight against Theo’s side was a warm and welcome one, and Theo enjoyed it more than he cared to admit, even to himself. And when Jeremy spoke, to say that Theo was relieved would have been an understatement.
“Well, I AM a pretty good cuddler, so it was virtually inevitable that you would feel a little better after it,” Theo said, and though his voice was maybe a little more sober than it normally would have been, the joke was still implied in how light his tone was. He squeezed Jeremy’s shoulders. “But I mean it. It’s good you know that you can come to me, even outside of school. I like to think I’m your friend first, and your teacher second.”
Jeremy: The joke earned Theo a slight laugh from the boy who quickly stopped since it hurt his chest. He still smiled though, wiping his nose and a cheek, nodding steadily in response. "Totally... yeah, friends." He sighed, calming more. He glanced around then, unable to help this awkward feeling still, like he shouldn't be here, despite how desperately he wanted to be. "Sh-should I go..? I mean... I hate to impose."
Theo: Theo smiled a little at Jeremy’s short laugh, and he watched the boy as he nodded and sighed. As Jeremy looked around the living room, Theo followed suit, wishing his place wasn’t so shabby and cluttered. He returned his gaze back to Jeremy at the question, and his smile returned. He gestured with his free hand to the apartment, letting it drop onto his knee heavily. “Does it look like you’re imposing on other things?” he asked lightly. “Besides, even if you were, I wouldn’t care. You’re Jeremy Berne, after all -- you know I love you.”
Jeremy: Jer bowed his head and ran a hand sheepishly through his hair at Theo's platonic confession, and he almost risked himself to pretend that the man meant more by that, but he stopped as soon as the idea came to mind. "Just had to be sure... it is the middle of the night." Couldn't get much more inconvenient than this. "I love you too, Theo." He gulped after saying it, not meeting the mans eyes.
Theo: There was a part of Theo – the hopeless romantic in him, maybe – that maybe kind of wanted to kiss Jeremy, and instinct almost made it happen. Somehow he was able to keep himself under control, and he inwardly cursed himself for ever having noticed Jeremy in that way before – it seemed especially wrong to look at him that way after what’d happened. So Theo looked down at his legs, afraid if he looked at Jeremy for too long he’d forget reason.
“Who cares if it’s the middle of the night? I’m a robot, I don’t sleep,” Theo said with a short laugh at his own goofiness. And at Jeremy’s next words, Theo’s gaze might have snapped back to the kid’s face in surprise, though Jeremy wouldn’t meet it with his own. Theo told himself not to be stupid, to stop trying to read into things that weren’t there in the first place. So he unwound his arm from Jeremy’s shoulders and reached for the coffee he’d fixed himself – it was still warm, so he sipped at it, trying to ignore his sudden – and very stupid – urges.
“It is pretty late though. I don’t know if I feel safe with you returning to the school,” he said. “I know you made it here fine, but I’m an old man, let me worry about you, kid. You could stay here for the night. If you wanted.” Theo almost regretted it. He knew that if Jeremy accepted, there was no way he was going to get any sleep – he’d lie awake all night just thinking about the fact that Jeremy was there.
Jeremy: Jer tilted his head to the side, watching Theo take the mug in hand to sip. He leaned against the couch, staring as his teacher spoke, chuckling shyly at the robot comment. His faint smile faded little by little before he answered, "If I leave now... I don't know where I'll go." He continued to stare, not really observing anything, just the sight of Theo was something he was willing to get lost in. "Y... you're the only reason... I'm not half way through a bottle right now."
Theo: Theo could feel Jeremy’s eyes on him, but he almost didn’t want to look up – he didn’t need to give himself any more fuel for the fire when it came to his quickly mounting feelings for the kid. But at Jeremy’s words, Theo slowly looked up at him, his eyebrows going up a little. He would never judge Jeremy, and he certainly never could with his own past with booze and all, and he appreciated the honesty. He nodded once, like he was saying, ‘I understand,’ and aloud he said, “You can sleep in my bed. I pass out on the couch enough as it is that I’m used to it.”
Theo: Theo grinned a little as Jeremy’s whole body protested the suggestion – he’d been expecting Jeremy to decline. He was just too sweet for his own good sometimes. Theo set his coffee mug back on the table, turning in the seat to look at Jeremy fully, and he raised his eyebrows playfully. “You’re taking the bed, no ifs, ands, or buts. Come on, look at these shoulders of mine, kid – I could totally carry you to the bedroom if you try to argue. You’re my guest. It’s the least I can do.”
Jeremy: Jer set his jaw as he went through the inner turmoil with himself, trying to argue, but completely tempted with the idea. He flushed and shook his head, "An uninvited guest who's ruined your evening and your shirt." He replied, noting the tear stains on his sleeve that only now started to dry.
Theo: Theo noticed the way Jeremy’s cheeks flushed, and there was that part of him – the playful, always too flirty part – that fed off of stuff like that. At that moment, he wished almost more than anything that Jeremy wasn’t his student. At Jeremy’s words, Theo looked down at his sleeve, the marks reminding him of how much pain Jeremy was in – he suddenly felt bad for all his teasing. He looked back at Jeremy, his smile softer than before, and he shrugged his shoulders. “It’s a shirt. Not the end of the world. And believe me, if you knew what I’d been doing before you showed up, you wouldn’t think you’d ruined my night.”
Jeremy: Jer stared at his teacher carefully, still reasoning with himself, and leaned over to take his own mug in hand, only to hold it and feel the warmth between his cold fingers. He didn't think the caffeine would do anything to help his already upset stomach. He set his head against the couch and shrugged toward Theo, eyes still meeting his, and he never wanted to look away. "If you insist." He replied, too exhausted to deny something that actually sounded very lovely in that moment, maybe it would help him not have bad dreams. "I can't deny Karsen hospitality."
Theo: Theo watched as Jeremy seemed to contemplate, and when Jeremy finally replied, looking and sounding suddenly very weary, Theo smiled again. “You most certainly can’t. It would be a crime to deny it, actually. Just for future reference.” He stood up and held a hand down to Jeremy, his eyebrows going up. “Come on, you look like you can use the rest. I promise I don’t have any monsters in my closet or anything,” he joked stupidly.
Jeremy: Jer cracked another faint smile before setting the mug back down and gingerly taking Theo's hand. He felt his fingers across it before they held and he knew he would be fantasizing about these fine details later, keep the sensation locked away for no one else to find, not even the man he'd come to trust so much. He stood up and that was when he really started to noticed how worn out he really was, as if he'd swam an 800 meter freestyle only moments ago. He leaned his head against Theo's arm as he lead him to his bedroom, the grip on his hand tightening only slightly, to show how thankful he was.
Theo: Jeremy’s hand was warm in Theo’s, and Theo hated the way such a simple touch affected his whole body – made him feel like the nervous teenager he’d been so many years before. As he led Jeremy down the short hall – it was a two bedroom apartment, the smaller of the two where he kept his desktop computer and the junk that didn’t fit anywhere else – he didn’t fail to register the way Jeremy’s grip tightened, however slight it was. Theo glanced sideways at him with a little smile, but he didn’t say anything – what could he say?
His room was cluttered and the nerd knickknacks that decorated throughout would have been embarrassing were Jeremy anyone else. Theo gestured to the room dramatically, like he was a butler showing off a mansion instead of a shabby apartment. “The master suite, Mr. Berne,” he said. His gaze landed on the bed, where the dark blue comforter was bunched up and wrinkled, and he gave a sheepish laugh. “I, ah, I don’t make the bed – what’s the point, I’m in and out of it all day – but I promise it’s clean and comfortable,” he said.
Jeremy: Jer affectionately nuzzled Theo's upper arm with his forehead, not really sure why he did, as if the hand squeeze wasn't enough to show how much he appreciated Theo. He puffed out a soft laugh as the man played the part rather well. Master suite indeed, and even in this state, Jer could still admire the many collectables strewn about. "It's great, I'll be fine." He didn't know what to say, what to do, it wasn't everyday he was offered to stay is someone else's bed.
Theo: When Jeremy nuzzled Theo’s arm, Theo’s smile returned. It seemed like his heart grew every second for this damn kid, and Jeremy would never know it. “Alright, good. Well, I’ll leave you to it – the alarm clock should be off, but if it wakes you up, just throw it against the wall. And if you get up before me, don’t worry about making noise, I sleep like the dead.” For some reason, out of nowhere, Theo suddenly leaned in and pressed his lips to Jeremy’s temple – it’d been completely automatic, like something else had been controlling his body. And as he took a step back, his ears caught fire, and he ducked his head sheepishly. “Ah – well… goodnight, Jeremy,” he said awkwardly, feeling like an idiot.
Jeremy: Jeremy muttered out syllables as he tried to find words to respond to the talk about the alarm, and Theo sleeping like a log, and he was about to finally just say goodnight when the lips were set on his head. His eyes widened before shutting tight and it was literally like someone had punched him right in the gut when the air was stolen from him.
Those were lips, right? He felt a faint dampness where they had just been, and there was no denying that Mr. K-- Theo had just kissed him. He stood stupidly, stunned, and staring at Theo, not certain if his face had turned bright red yet, and he wanted to kick himself for not being able to speak. Goodnight, you arse, just say goodnight!
Theo: Theo felt so stupid – he literally couldn’t remember a time he’d felt so damn dumb – and he shuffled his weight from foot-to-foot awkwardly. He kept tossing little glances at Jeremy, desperately waiting for Jeremy to say something – anything – but the silence seemed to stretch on forever. Guilt suddenly washed over Theo – what the hell was wrong with him? On what planet would it be considered alright what he did? “I’m sorry, kid, I don’t , ah, I don’t know where that came from. I’ll, ah, I’ll see you tomorrow?” He turned and quickly ducked into the hallway before making his way back to the living room, convinced coffee would help ease his embarrassment.
Jeremy: Jeremy wanted to step in, to speak up, to do something when Theo's once cheerful face sunk into despair, but as usual his voice had a habit of fading away when he needed it the most. He literally opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water before he watched Theo turn on his heel and leave him alone.
His heart sank, but his mind was left wrestling with what to do. He didn't think he could talk to Theo right now, certain that he would tell him the truth, from the vulnerable state that he was in it wouldn't be hard, especially from how much he craved the man's voice and touch... and now his lips. He didn't want to leave things as they were though. He hated seeing Theo's expression turn like that and he was certain the man was just as scared as he was, maybe for different reasons.
Jer rolled his hands into fists and stepped back down the hallway, remaining at the end and holding to the side, knowing it would be best to at least keep distance. "Th-Theo." He called, looking toward him. "I love you... thank you for everything."
Theo: Theo was just covering his face with one of his hands when he heard Jeremy’s voice from behind him – he said his name with that sweet little stammer that inflated Theo’s heart in a way that was practically humiliating. Theo turned to face him, able to see how vulnerable Jeremy looked, standing in the doorway of the bedroom – how raw he looked in that moment. And when Jeremy spoke, the words were enough to quell Theo’s rushing thoughts of guilt. And maybe even make his heart do an embarrassing flutter. But no one needed to know that.
He smiled, relieved. “Don’t even mention it, I’d do anything for you.” And he meant it. He ran his fingers through his hair, then smoothed it down against his forehead, and he shrugged, unsure of how to phrase his next sentence. “If you, ah, need anything in the middle of the night – like, if you wake up from a… nightmare and you want to talk or anything – don’t be afraid to wake me. You’ll just have to shake me real hard to get me to come back to the land of the living,” he said. “But I promise I won’t mind.”
Jeremy: A wave of relief rushed over the boy and he nodded, slapping his thigh lightly with one of his palms and smiling genuinely, so happy to see Theo cheer up once again. He'd done the right thing to not leave things as they were and as tempted as he was to keep on speaking to Theo he knew it would be best to close the exchange where it was. It had just hit 2am after all.
"Thank you... I really can't thank you enough. I'll keep that in mind." Jer replied and turned to reenter Karsen's room, handling the doorknob to close it. "Goodnight, Theo." Jer lightly shut the door and found a seat on the mattress, laying back heavily as the exhaustion set in ten fold and gravity overwhelmed him. His eyelids slid shut, and he was conked out within three minutes of laying down on the heavenly bed.
Theo: “Goodnight, kid,” Theo said warmly, giving Jeremy a little nod, waiting until the door was shut to return to the living room. After cleaning up the coffee stuff, he got back on his laptop and went back to browsing online profiles. After about ten minutes however, he had to give up. Not only because his eyelids were getting extremely heavy, but because none of the guys interested him – none of them looked at all like Jeremy. And that thought alone was enough to make Theo nervous – he was treading dangerous waters, he knew.
After shutting down, he grabbed the fleece blanket he kept on the couch – Star Wars, no shame – clicked the lamp off, and stretched out on the couch. It took him a little longer than normal to fall asleep. All he could think about was Jeremy in his bed. And he knew he would hate himself for the vague thoughts that passed briefly through his mind just before sleep took him.
