Where: Brookline, MA
When: Nov. 10th
Status: Closed
It’s cold enough that Cade has to pull out his jacket from the backseat of his car when he leaves the warmth of his heated car. Exhaustion is clearly written across his face; the bloodshot eyes, the bags darkening underneath, the quiet yawns that slip past his lips, and the sag in his shoulders. It’s nearly noon and Cade hasn’t had any sleep in over 24 hours, pushing it considering all-nighters were never part of Cade’s routine since high school ended so many years ago.
The moment the chaos of the game came to a close, Cade had rushed to his car to beat the traffic leaving the campus. There was no celebrating the win, no getting caught in conversation or a moment to talk to his sister, and no congratulating one person in particular. Cade couldn’t let himself get caught behind—not with a 13-hour drive ahead of him. The entire drive had been soft music playing, gas station food with the largest cup of soda he could find, and the glow of interstate lights.
When he’d entered Brookline, Cade felt that small tug at his heart that was always there for a catch when he came home. Despite everything that happened before college, this was his home and he missed it. But instead of going to his actual home, Cade made one pit-stop before he moved on to his destination.
Now he’s outside the cemetery with flowers in his hand as he walks past the gates. One hand is at his neck, fidgeting with one of the necklaces—the small golden dolphin. Every year, Cade comes here and does the same exact thing. This year, Cade is alone.
The path is familiar despite the time away and Cade finds the stone soon enough. Emily Mitchell. 1977-2000. Loving wife and mother. “The brightest of souls can touch any person.” Since he was young, he never could understand why his father chose that quote. Cade had never asked.
He sets down the flowers next to the stone and moves to sit down on the grass beside the grave. He can tell his dad came earlier, the other set of flowers sitting on the opposite side of the grave. It explains the multiple text messages from his dad and the one voicemail waiting for him.
Usually, John does all the talking and Cade stands beside him. Words always escape him in these moments and instead he’s left handling the swirling confusion and guilt. This time, those feelings are still there and he can feel them swirling around inside his head but he finds words to say.
“Dad tells me this story about you all the time. He talks about how the two of you were going on a date to this arcade and I guess he was so nervous because it was your first time really doing anything like that. He says that day was the first time he knew he was in love with you because you kicked his ass at every game and every time you’d ask for another round or another game, you were so excited. It was the first time someone took interest in something he’d shown them and you put your whole heart into it.” Cade glances over at the headstone. “I wish I could remember you.”
He’s quiet for a long time afterward. There’s no pressure for him to say something, no immense need to fill in the silence with useless rambling. He takes his time because this is just him.
“I hope you don’t hate me for not… I don’t even know. You’re my mother but I never even got to know you.” Cade’s quiet once again for a few seconds. “I think of Lisa as my mom… and I hope you’re okay with that. I hope you like her…”
He stays for awhile longer, just sitting and listening to the quiet around him. There’s a sense of peace that he feels and Cade doesn’t want to break it. His phone unfortunately helps him with that when it starts ringing again and Cade sees that his dad isn’t giving up in getting ahold of him. With a sigh, he stands up and starts making his way back to his car as he answers the phone call.
“Hey, sorry. I’m leaving the cemetery now, I should be home in a few minutes.”
When: Senior Year
Where: High School
Status: Closed
The bell rang, the chorus of students cheering erupted and conversations loudly pouring out of classrooms and into the hallways. It was Friday, thank god. The week had been an endless drone of lectures and homework; an endless Monday that drove Cade crazy by the time the end of school finally arrived. He left his Classic Literature class with his textbooks tucked into his side, sunglasses already out and over his eyes. Familiar with the chaos of the hallways, Cade expertly navigated the crowds to get to his locker. He spun the combination and shoved his books of the shelf before he pulled out his backpack. Sadly, his skateboard was left at home but it meant he had the car and Cade would happily take that alternative.
Following the flow of students toward the exit doors for the parking lot, Cade pulled out his earbuds and shuffled around his music to find the best playlist to jam to on his trip. The beauty of being old enough to drive and having his dad’s trust? Cade was able to drive out of town. He’d get to spend the weekend with his best (only) friend and that’s how Cade preferred it if he wasn’t spending time with family.
“Cade!”
Just keep walking. Cade added another song to his playlist as he slid out of the way from a group of friends meeting up in the middle of the hallway. He’d have to stop at the gas station and get a few snacks for the road and gas for the trip back.
“Cade!”
His steps quickened a bit more. Once he was heading back home, he’d have to text someone at home to let them know. Probably Alanna. He could also bribe her to save him the last few cookies.
A hand on his shoulder forced him around, Cade nearly losing his balance as he whipped around and stared down at the petite frame of a very angry Haley. Never a good thing when the cheer captain came after you angrily.
“Didn’t you hear me calling you?” She asked, arms crossed over her chest.
“No? It’s the weekend and practice is cancelled for today.”
“Not for you.”
Cade raised his eyebrows and took both earbuds out, letting them hang around his neck. “Uh, yes for me? Your group is stuck with practice while the rest of us get Friday afternoon to chill out.”
“Ava wants you there too.”
That was news.
“Ava wants me there?”
Haley rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. “She wants Leah and Aster to learn from you. It’s dumb, we don’t need you but whatever.”
“I’m guessing it has something to do with me being an amazing spotter and my group always being on point.” And something else.
“Are you coming or not?” Haley bit out, already turning on her heel to head for the gymnasium.
Maybe if things were normal, Cade would have hesitated. But Ava had asked for him. Cade couldn’t say no. With a flustered run, he caught up to Haley as he sent a quick text message that he’d be a little late. Maybe this impromptu practice would be over soon enough.
“Why are you so pissy today?” Cade asked to fill the awkward silence. “Other than everything with Leah and Aster.”
She didn’t say anything at first and Cade was nearly certain it would be a silent walk the entire time. Haley finally spoke when they were away from the mass of people still trying to get out for the weekend. “You know this squad is made up of mostly girls, right? Other than Aster and yourself.”
“No shit, really? I didn’t know I was that blind,” Cade teased sarcastically. Wrong move considering the look Haley shot him a moment later.
“Girls talk. Cheerleaders talk.”
It was very clear the direction this was going and why Haley seemed to be trying to freeze him in hell with a glare. “Who said what?” Cade asked, adjusting his backpack on his shoulder as they turned the corner for the hallway leading to the gym.
“Katie mentioned the other day that last weekend, at the big party at Mathers, you two slept together. What the hell, Cade? You can’t just hook up with Katie.”
This didn’t seem like a very good time to mention that he’d also hooked up with a number of the other girls. He should have known better when it came to Haley. Pissing off everyone else? Not a big deal. Pissing off the captain? A very big deal.
“Haley, come on—”
“Don’t you ‘come on’ me, Mitchell.”
Haley pulled open the gymnasium door with force, Cade catching the door before it banged on the wall. He let out a curse and slipped inside quickly to reach out and grab Haley’s hand. He could see Leah, Aster, and Becca standing in a small circle and Ava coming in from the other side of the gym.
“Please, just listen to me for a second?”
He expected her to keep walking away but she turned on her heel and stared at him expectantly. “Go on.”
“I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t hook up with Katie. We all got drunk at the party and one thing led to another. If I had known that it was going to piss you off, I wouldn’t have done it. We hooked up that one time but I thought you were with that Josh guy…”
“I am,” Haley interrupted, looking off to the side.
“So… is it that I slept with someone else or is it that I slept with Katie that’s bothering you?” Cade asked, fishing for more information.
It took a second, but there came the huff and side step that Haley always did when she was caving. “You slept with Katie. She’s been trying to take my spot from me for forever and you just went and did that. Way to betray your captain, Mitchell.”
Sighing, Cade let his shoulder sink and he gave Haley a small smile, soft and sweet. “Aw, come on Haley. No beats you as Captain. You know I’m always going to take your side,” Cade said with a wink before he started to walk toward the group in the middle of the gym. Turned away, his smile faded and his lips pursed. But Haley caught up to him a second later considerably peppier than a few minutes ago.
He found himself a spot on the bleachers, backpack tossed beside him and leaned back so he could half pay attention to what was going on but also distract himself with his phone. No one ever asked for his input. No one asked for his instruction when something went wrong. Cade only attempted a few comments when he noticed the spotter doing something wrong—a dangerous thing with Haley flying in the air.
“We’re done. Stop. I don’t know what it’s going to take to get you guys to work together but by Monday practice I want all of you to be on top of your game. No excuses. I’m not here to give my time to a squad who can’t even do a basic stunt to save their lives. Get your shit together or you’re done. All of you are replaceable, don’t forget that.” Ava’s voice rang out and Cade glanced away from the screen of his phone. He watched Haley, Leah, Becca, and Aster all fluster around to get their stuff and head out. Some clearly more upset than others.
Cade grabbed his things and made to head out, finally hoping to hit the road. Except, he slowly down just a bit as he stepped off the bleachers and slung his backpack over his shoulders. Waiting.
“Wait, Cade! Do you mind stopping by my office for a second? I wanted to get your opinion on something.”
“Sure, I’ve got a few minutes.” Cade answered back too quickly.
“Thanks! I know I’m keeping you from your weekend, I’m so sorry,” she said as she waited for Cade to turn around and catch back up. Her hand reached out to touch his arm, her eyes sad and head tilted to the side as she looked up at him. “Things have just been so hectic lately and I feel like I can’t trust anyone but you to help me.”
“I’m always more than happy to help, you know that.”
Ava’s smile was sweet mixed with… something else. Cade couldn’t read it. “I know, you’re just the sweetest man out there. Why someone hasn’t snatched you up just yet, I don’t know. But I’ve heard you’ve been pretty popular amongst some of the girls.” She raised both eyebrows, a knowing smirk on her lips.
“I mean…” Cade stopped outside the door to Ava’s office, pulling the door open for them. “I don’t kiss and tell.”
Ava’s laugh echoed the hall quietly as she stepped into her office, Cade following in afterward. He set his bag down and sat down in one of the chairs with a sense of familiarity. “So, what can I help with?”
She moved to sit on the edge of her desk in front of the chair Cade had picked. Ava lifted her hands to brush her blonde hair out of the way of her face before she reached for her phone sitting on the desk. “I have this huge dinner that I’m going to with some friends from my sorority and everyone is going to be so dressed up and beautiful. I’m trying to pick the best outfit and I can’t decide so I took some pictures and thought you could help me? Pretty please?”
Cade shifted in the chair, sitting up far straighter than he had been previously. “I-uh, sure. I can help…” Clearing his throat, Cade tried to sound more confident. More like an adult. “Yeah, let me see them.”
“Thank you! Okay, so here are the options…” Ava started in to her slideshow. She’d moved off the desk to sit on the arm of the chair, leaning in very close. Her hair would brush the side of his face. “This red one might be a bit too much? But I feel like if I do the blue one that’s way too modest and everyone’s going to think I became some old prude. And then there’s this gold dress which I love and I look so good in it but another sorority sister is wearing gold and I feel like that might be a bad idea.”
Cade pressed his hands into his knees, looking at the phone and then looking away and back again. All three dresses looked beautiful on her in his opinion. Two of which were certainly more revealing. “I think the gold one is the best. I don’t think you should worry about anyone else upstaging you, not gonna happen.”
“Maybe I’ll do that one then… thanks, Cade. Again, I’m so sorry for taking up your time.”
“Really, it’s okay. I know things have been rough for you lately and if I can help, I want to help.” He remembered only a few weekends again, a call at two in the morning from a crying Ava. He’d snuck out of the house and picked her up from the city—outside a club Cade had never been to or heard of in his life. He spent hours in the car outside her place listening to her rant on and on. “So this dinner, do you need a date?” Cade asked, eyes on Ava rather than the screen.
“Oh, that’s another thing I have to worry about. How I’m going to find a date this late, I don’t even know.”
“I… can take you?” Cade asked, voice serious and only wavering the slightest bit.
For some reason, he expected it to be different this time. He expected her to say yes and he’d be her date to the dinner and it would be a great night. He’d been hoping for something for so long now.
Ava laughed her soft and airy laugh, the kind she often had with him. Reaching out she placed a hand on his shoulder, fingers curled around his neck. “You’re the sweetest guy, Cade. Maybe when you’re older,” she said with the quickest of winks before she was gone from his side and behind her desk. “I’ll see you Monday!”
Cade had left her office slightly numb and uncertain about everything. It was how he felt often when he left her office.
Graduation would come soon. Cade would learn that Ava’s boyfriend had been around for a long time and every hint of something or vague comment on her relationship status would leave him confused and angry. What did every small touch mean? Every time he drove out to pick her up in her time of need? Every promise she gave him that he’d get a chance? Why did he change so much of himself just for her only to end up broken and angry?
When: Nov. 4th 3AM
Where: Vixen Den
Cade woke up in the dead of night. The soft sound of crickets, the glow of the moon from the window, and the soft sounds that occasionally went off inside the Den welcomed him. He didn’t wake with a start, terrified. He woke with that sense of dread and tears rolling down the sides of his face. As he raised his hand up to brush away the tears, he closed his eyes and took in a shaky breath.
Carefully, he pushed himself up in bed and stared out into the darkness as his eyes adjusted. He looked oved to Ripley across the room, tempted to gently wake the other for some hope of distraction. But then he remembered what happened not too long ago between them and Cade’s stomach knotted. Instead, he pushed the covers away and turned to stand up from his bed. With the quietest steps he could manage, Cade left the room and carefully maneuvered his way through the Den until he got to the backdoor and he was able to step outside.
It was cold, goosebumps raising up on his skin and immediately he regretted not grabbing a shirt. But he moved over to one of the chairs they had outside and sat down, letting the sound of the crickets take over.
“That’s not who you are anymore…” Cade whispered softly to himself, eyes opening to look up at the stars that were slightly visible. “That was never you…”
He pitched forward, face in his hands as he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to block out all the memories. There was pain in his head. Pain in his heart. Pain in every part of him. Not over her but over himself. What parts of himself he’d lost; whatever innocence had been taken away. The pain of knowing that it was his fault. That everything in the aftermath had been his fault.
“Why… What did I do to deserve this?” Cade whispered through his tears. “I’m so tired of feeling like this… I’m tired of feeling pathetic, dirty… used. I know I fucked up… I know I did but I just want… I want…” Words weren’t possible, lost on the tongue as he sat there and cried.
He wasn’t sure how long he sat out there. Long enough that he’d run out of tears. When he’d crept back into the house, he’d grabbed clean clothes and went to take a shower—mostly to sit under the hot water until his skin couldn’t take it anymore.
Where: Mitchell Family Home
When: Six Years Ago
Status: Closed - Self-Para
The sun filters in through the spaces between the white wooden slants of wood, warming up the bedroom with the soft morning light. Outside the window, resting precariously on the sill, is a birds nest left empty from the summer but somewhere outside there are birds chirping excitedly with the rising sun. These are the best mornings, when Cade doesn’t have to wake up too early and he can just let the world wake him up. No dumb alarm blaring at him either.
He’s slow to rise, sleepy eyes blinking at his surroundings that are fuzzy until he finds his glasses and slides them onto his face. With stumbled footsteps, he finds his way to the bathroom that’s been deemed his bathroom and he lazily goes through his morning routine. His contacts are new, it takes him a little too many attempts to get them into his eyes but soon enough he ditches his glasses and checks his freshly cleaned teeth in the mirror.
The house is silent except for the humming coming from young Cade. He’s so used to his Saturday mornings that he could do it in his sleep. At the front door, he shoves his feet into his dad’s shoes which are the closest and grabs his soon-to-be-too-small jacket. For some reason he hadn’t stopped growing and was going through clothes faster than they could buy them. Outside, Cade shuffles his way with a waddle thanks to the slightly oversized shoes to get to the mailbox. He’s got the letters and ads in one hand and the newspaper trailing on the ground behind him, hand holding onto the thin plastic as he made his way back to the house.
Inside, Cade takes off the shoes and his jacket before he puts all the mail and the paper on the coffee table for later. He rushes toward the kitchen and to the coffee pot, fiddling around with it and mumbling to himself to make sure he gets the measurements correct for his dad’s coffee. As soon as he hears the sound of it kicking on, Cade rushes for the stairs.
He’s still humming a happy tune with the patter of his bare feet on the hard wood floors echoing along with him. The master bedroom door looms at the end of the hall, a dark hardwood that normally would have kept Cade away but he’d learned what happened if he didn’t burst through the door. Not surprising to him, the room is shrouded in darkness when he opens the door. “Dad?” He hesitates for only a moment before he runs over to the large windows and throws open the curtains, showering the room in sunlight.
Silence. “Dad, wake up!” Cade called out, moving to round the bed and climb his way up. “Dad, can we go to Emily’s for breakfast?” Cade asked as he sat beside the giant lump in the bed. Nothing. “Dad, please?” He tried one more time. Silence.
“That’s okay, you rest. You’re tired.” Cade pat his hand on the lump he figured was his dad’s shoulder and climbed back off the bed. He looked over his shoulder just once before he headed back down the stairs. With the coffee down, Cade grabbed his dad’s favorite coffee cup and filled it up. Milk. Three scoops of sugar. One dash of cinnamon. It took some searching to find the breakfast tray but when he did find it, Cade set the coffee cup on it and rush around to get the rest of breakfast. Two pieces of toast. Yogurt with granola and berries. He made sure to add the newspaper and then carefully carried the tray up the stairs.
He used his shoulder to knock the door to the bedroom open, watching the coffee as he walked over to the bed and set it down on the comforter. When he pulled himself up, he was careful to grab the coffee cup and then sit it back down on the tray when he was settled beside his dad again. “Dad, I’ve got breakfast. You gotta wake up.”
Cade nudged at the lump in bed. It took a few more nudges and some begging before John finally rolled over. It’d been a couple months since he’d officially became divorced and while it had been bad before, this was a new level. Cade, only fourteen, was struggling to make sure his dad was okay.
“Come on, it’s good. When you finish we can go watch tv downstairs,” Cade said as he grabbed the tray and set it down on his dad’s lap who’d pushed himself in a sitting position. He stole the comics from the newspaper in the meantime, sitting there entirely engrossed in them.
It took more time than it should have before John started to eat and even then he was slow. But he was staring at his son, the one person who would always be there for him. John couldn’t help but feel guilty. He was supposed to be taking care of his son and he couldn’t even find the urge to get out of bed most days. Reaching out, John ruffled up Cade’s hair and gave him to a fragile smile when Cade looked back at him. “You and me, kid. Always. I’ll do better, I promise.”
That promise would be broken again and again--only changing when John finally met Lisa and things changed once again.
Where: Mitchell Family home - Brookline, Massachusetts
When: Roughly four and a half years ago
Status: Closed - Self-Para
School is done for the day and while most of the kids board on the buses or pile themselves into cars, Cade makes straight for the exit on his skateboard. An ongoing tradition, he stops at the nearby gas station and says hello to Phillip and Lindsey, two clerks he’s become familiar with over the past year. Like every time, Cade buys a giant fountain drink and a roll of Rolo chocolates. While he might have gotten his license just a few months back and he could have very easily borrowed his dad’s car this morning, that would have meant getting home right away. This time after school on the way home is sacred to Cade.
It’s the rush of the air, headphones in and music blaring as he coasts down the back streets to get home. Not the safest but that’s just become part of the excitement. At sixteen, Cade Mitchell is tall and lean. He usually adorns a smile that’s a mix of genuine sincerity and coy as if he knows something the rest of the world does not. Always more prominent when he’s in the back of the classroom, leaning back in his chair, and playfully yet politely cracking jokes in class. Cade’s always laughing and good-natured, hardly ever with ruffled features, and easy to get along with. Despite that, Cade is alone.
With no close friends at school, Cade spends a lot of time orbiting around everyone and everything. He’s content, doesn’t complain. Cade gets his social interaction from theatre, his dad, and Casey when they’re around. Sure, it feels like he’s missing something and sometimes the loneliness trips him up but Cade’s learn well enough by now that he’s okay. He’s always okay.
With a practiced lean, Cade coasts around the corner into the neighborhood, passing most of the houses without even a glance. He rolls up the length of the driveway to the side door before kicking up his board and into the mudroom of the house. Cade kicks off his shoes and shoves them into one of the cubbies, board going against the wall, and leather jacket along the bench seat. Somewhere in the house, Cade hears a commotion that sounds oddly similar to a crash. Curiosity getting the best of him, Cade goes to look for the source. “Dad? Please tell me you’re not knocking down walls again.” That’s how the mudroom came to be thanks to a HGTV obsession.
“What? No. Come up to the guest room,” John calls from the second floor. Thankfully Cade didn’t need to ask which guest bedroom considering the boxes in the hallway that blocked his bedroom door and the room across from him. Shifting through the boxes, Cade finds a spot to stand and leans up against the door frame. “Are you looking for something?” Cade asks as he stares at his dad standing in the middle of the somewhat empty room.
“Do girls like white furniture or dark wood?” John asks as he shifts a box down from a stack only to set it down off to the side. “White. Is there a particular reason you’re asking?” The pleading tone for an explanation catches his dad’s attention finally and he nods his head. “Right, yes, I’m sorry. I’m a little frazzled. Let’s get out of this mess and go to the kitchen.” John comes toward the door and waves Cade on as well.
They both make it to the kitchen and while Cade grabs a diet Dr. Pepper from the fridge, John goes for a small glass of red wine instead. He leans against the counter of the breakfast bar, Cade sitting on one of the stools in front of his dad with a questioning expression. “Do you remember a couple weeks ago when we were talking about Lisa?” John starts, taking a quick sip from his glass.
“Yeah, that night we went out to dinner. Did you change your mind?” Cade’s confusion is clear. As far as he knows, his dad is head over heels for the woman. “No, god no. I know some people might raise some... disagreements to the idea that I’m proposing so soon but I love her more every day and I can’t imagine not spending my life with her. I’m still figuring out how to ask her... I think she’ll say yes but, well it wouldn’t be good if she said no... we’ve occasionally discussed it but--”
“Dad, she’ll say yes whenever you do it,” Cade says confidently. While he hasn’t spent too much time with Lisa alone, he’s seen them together enough to know how much they love each other. “Right, yes. Anyway, my point in bringing this up is that while I asked if you would be opposed to Lisa being your step-mom, I realized the other day that I never brought up something very important and that’s Alanna, her daughter. You two haven’t met yet and I regret that but I don’t want to rush anything if Lisa or Alanna isn’t ready, but having a step-sister would be such a big change and it’s been the two of us for so--”
“I get a sister,” Cade says slowly, interrupting his dad once again. Sure, he knew about Alanna. She’d been mentioned a few times in the past six months or so. Stupidly, it never occurred to him during their last conversation that by his dad marrying Lisa, he’ll end up with a sister. “Look, I know it’s a big change, but you’re the best son I could have ever asked for and I know you’d be an amazing influence on her and help to make her comfortable. I just want.. you to be okay with it.”
Cade laughs hard enough to nearly send him falling off the stool. “Are you kidding, that’s fucking awesome! You know I’ve always wanted siblings and having Alanna around would be cool. Do you think she’ll like movies? Please tell me she likes being outside cause when we have the summer bonfires, she has to be out there roasting smores with us. She’s a freshmen too, right? I can see about introducing her to some people at school, good kids to make sure she doesn’t make friends with the wrong person. Mrs. Luinsky down the street will probably adore her, maybe she’ll give us those killer cookies and banana bread if she likes Alanna--”
“Cade, slow down and please remember to watch your language,” John interrupts this time with a laugh. “So you’re not going to have any problem if Alanna becomes your sister? If her and Lisa start living with us in the future.”
“The house is quiet and I love you dad, but our family is small and there’s always been something just... missing. Lisa and Alanna might be exactly what we need. Like I said, I’ve always wanted to be a big brother.” Cade’s calmer now but there’s still a visible excitement. “Am I at least gonna get to meet her soon enough?” It would make sense for them to meet sooner rather than later. “I’m talk to Lisa about it tonight. Think you can get an extra ticket to the play? Alanna might want to come with us to see you perform if you don’t annoy her out of this world.”
Rolling his eyes, Cade nods his head. “I can get another ticket. And I’m not annoying, I’m going to be the cool big brother who drives her around everywhere. Any fourteen year old would love that.”
Cade regrets joining his high school cheer team. He’d never admit it to Alanna, refusing to allow her to feel in any way that his experiences were because she’d convinced him to join. But the reality is that if he’d never joined the Warriors cheer squad, he would have never met Ava. Everything that happened, graduation night, the guilt.. all of it would have never existed and Cade would be a much different person today.
❓ for a random headcanon
Cade wears three necklaces every day without fail. One is a very thin gold chain with a tiny golden dolphin hanging from the center. He’s had it since he was twelve, given to him by his father--a token of his mother. John never expected Cade to wear it for very long but Cade still wears it to this day. Part of it is out of habit but a larger part of it is out of obligation. He feels like he owes it to his mother that he never got the chance to properly know.
🏫 for a school headcanon
In high school, Cade took all his science courses as AP classes. While he has a passion for the arts and music, he finds something about science to be amazing and full of wonder. It was the time during school when Cade really sat down and listened. He was never a bad student, but he put more effort into what he loved.
CLAUDIA JEWEL CASEY HENDRIX 📖+CADE MITCHELL HIMSELF 😔❓
CLAUDIA JEWELL: Do you know who you are?
“Do any of us know who we are? I don’t know -- Maybe if you’d asked me when I was younger I would have told you yes. So no, I don’t.” Cade hopes more than anything that he’s not the person he is today or has been the past few years. He wants to be the person he used to be before everything went south.
CASEY HENDRIX: What have you had to sacrifice to get to where you are today?
Cade wouldn’t meet your eyes; would laugh and simply say, “nah.”
📖 + Cade
Cade does not like himself. He’s weak, pathetic, and gullible. At least -- that’s what he believes himself to be when he thinks about himself. Once upon a time he would have thought himself to be sure of himself, strong, and confident. When Cade thinks back to the things he’s done, the things he’s said, he feels sick to his stomach and regrets every part of it. Some nights he wishes desperately that it never happened, that he never lived that life.
😔 for a sad memory
He didn’t leave his room for days afterward. Only late into the middle of the night when he was sure everyone else was asleep. Cade would lay there in bed, sleeping and sleeping and any time he woke up and remembered everything, he’d only find himself starting to cry. By the end of the week, most of everyone had stopped trying. Except on that Saturday morning, Cade’s phone rang for the first time in a long time. It was pure curiosity that made him pick it up, wondering who cared enough. AVA. It took him very little time to rush to the bathroom to throw up.
❓ for a random headcanon
Cade’s second necklace that he wears is silver chain with a silver plated bar hanging down from the end of it. To most, it’s just a simple little silver bar. But hidden from view unless examined is a message engraved on the backside. ‘Keep going,’ Such a simple thing that most people would laugh at or question his choice, but for Cade those are the two words that he repeated to himself over and over again. And he’ll keep repeating them.
