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Dec 21, 2025

distance - thirteen

pairing: bucky barnes x female reader chapter summary: bucky feels guilty for a few things chapter warnings and contents: 18+ ONLY, masturbation (m+f), flirting, sexual tension, fluff, angst, The Mall, christmas festivities, all the usual stuff with these two and then some:) word count: ~4,800 author’s note: wow!! 100k words for this baby already! and absolutely nothing else to talk about this update haha!!

! PLEASE READ AND HEED THE WARNINGS !

18+ only - do not repost - minors and ai dni - thank u

read more of ‘distance’

within the same weekend, bucky once again found himself perusing the rows of christmas trees. this time with his sister and niece in tow. he hadn’t realized how good he had it with his neighbor, since becca was much pickier and much more vocal about it. they’d hardly even stepped into the place before she was grumbling about what a pain in the ass it was going to be.

“could always go fake,” he breathed.

“be serious.”

bucky snorted, going to pull out the first tree for her to inspect when a voice caught his attention.

“whoa, busy guy!”

the same guy from friday was there at the checkout table, laughing at bucky as he caught sight of him again. bucky just laughed, shrugging off the comment in hopes of it going ignored.

“sorry?” becca pried, quirking an eyebrow at him.

sighing, bucky glanced at her. “i helped my neighbor with hers.”

“i know her name, weirdo. we’ve been hanging out.”

that caused him to perk up. “what, you mean... on your own?” his sister simply shrugged with a smug look on her face. “when? where? what did you two even do?”

“ooh, someone’s jealous,” she teased.

“i’m not jealous...”

becca laughed, bright and clear at her brother, watching him grumble to himself. “relax, i didn’t tell her anything embarrassing about you. like that time you laughed chocolate milk out of your nose and made yourself puke.”

“i was twelve.”

“thirteen.”

with a crinkle in his brows, bucky pulled the tree out finally. “this one doesn’t look bad.”

“kinda short,” becca hummed. “gram liked them to the ceiling.”

raising his eyes to the top of it, he gauged just where it would fall in her living room. seeing what she meant, he nodded and put the tree back, moving down the row, taking note of their heights.

“did you decorate hers together?”

“what?” before his sister could clarify, his brain caught up. “uh, no? i just helped her carry it inside and everything.”

“‘and everything’?” becca watched as he rolled his eyes at her, stopping her laugh behind her smirk. “pull that one out.”

bucky did so, tapping the trunk to the ground a couple times to shake out the branches.

“bald spot on the left.”

spinning it in his hold, he spotted what she was talking about and put that one back, too. winnie let out a shrill laugh, causing them all to look over to where she was staring at an inflatable lawn ornament, a big snowman with his top hat struggling to stay blown up.

“i like her,” becca confessed as her and bucky kept moving down the line.

“who, your daughter?”

“no, asshole. your neighbor.”

her voice went deeper and goofy as she mocked him, getting a quick chuckle out of him. “that’s nice.” he attempted coy, probably fell somewhere closer to sheepish.

the knowing grin on his sister’s face told him he realistically landed nowhere near either one.

“will you just pick out a damn tree?” he sighed.

the dates on the calendar were getting more and more serious, creeping up on bucky until he was spurred into action, practically begging his neighbor to come with him to get a gift for becca. since they were such good friends now, apparently. a fact which she was sheepish to admit at first, mostly because becca had told her not to tell him.

it was unforgiving out come saturday, cold enough for even bucky to feel it biting at his skin. but he had no complaints, not when it meant he got to see his neighbor meet him outside with a scarf bundled up to her nose almost. he chuckled at her, teasing her about being dramatic since they were getting right in the car.

“whatever,” she whined, “i don’t like running the heat in the car that much.”

“sure you’re gonna be able to steer with that jacket on?” motioning to her thick puffer, he laughed again when she only gave him a blank look.

“cats were pissed at me because i unplugged their heated blanket before i left.”

“maybe you can get them a little something while we’re up that way.”

“two weeks before christmas?” she scoffed, “they can wait.”

bucky always seemed to find himself laughing around her, whether she was just that funny or his nerves seemed to simmer right on the edge of too much. he’d gotten her to at least turn the heat on their feet as they drove up to indy, guided by nothing more than his memory, letting the dulcet tones of holiday music fill the few gaps of silence between them. she wanted to get a few things for her friend that lived in new york, bucky a little disappointed with himself that it was his first time hearing of it.

as was to be expected of a saturday before the holidays, the mall was packed, cars squeezed into parking spaces and zipping around frantically. it was somewhat of a miracle that they found a spot as close as they did, her quick thinking snagging it before someone else could worm their way in.

“where do you wanna start?” she asked.

bucky shrugged, a little embarrassed that he didn’t have much of a clue what to get his sister. “she’s always been difficult to buy for.”

his neighbor nodded, adjusting her scarf as they grew closer to the mall entrance so he wouldn’t have to strain to hear her through the wool. “something just for her,” she offered, “everything is about winnie, so i’m sure it would be nice for her to get something that’s purely hers.”

“yeah,” he agreed, “that sounds nice.”

sounding nice and being easy to find were two different things, he was coming to find out. as they checked off store after store and nothing jumped out to him. it was enough to have him starting to panic before they came upon a nail salon.

“that could be fun,” his neighbor suggested. “little mani pedi trip.”

bucky hummed in acknowledgement before he looked at her. “maybe you could go with her. now that you two are... what does sam call it? b-something... bff.”

she laughed at him. “good job, grandpa!” when bucky nudged her, she stuck her tongue out at him. “i could come with her. you might be on baby duty, though.”

“that’d be alright.”

so he let her help him through getting a gift card, enough for both of them to get pampered when they came, even if she fought him on it at first. it was two birds, one stone as far as he was concerned because he didn’t really have much of an idea what to get her, either. beyond the stupid thing he was thinking of, but he wanted something fun, too.

“i wanna stop in here to get my friend’s gift.”

it was a music store, cds and cassettes carefully laid out on shelves and displays, little stations set up to listen to certain ones. she left him over at one as she went to ask an employee for help.

bucky slid the headphones onto his ears, squinting at the screen to tap through the options they had. it was too daunting to pick out something new, so he settled for the first album he recognized. couldn’t go wrong with some tom petty. he looked around the store as he listened, taking note of everyone in the place and where exactly they were in relation to her. he needed to relax, truly.

amidst the hustle and bustle, he caught sight of the cd rack beside him, eyes nearly popping out of his head when he saw a familiar sight under the new releases section. just to double check, he looked back toward his neighbor, finding her still chatting away with the employee. without even turning the music off, he pulled the headphones from his ears and set them back down, quickly moving to snag the cd that had caught his eye and make his way to the checkout with it, hopefully without her spotting him.

“big fan of the care bears, huh?” the kid working the register laughed.

“yeah, i am.”

the serious tone he put on made the kid go sheepish, not another word coming out of him except bucky’s total. just as he took his bag from the kid, he felt someone come up behind him.

“what did you get?”

glancing over his shoulder, bucky grinned at his neighbor. “oh, you know... just a little something.” she laughed at him. “find what you needed?”

“mhm,” she nodded, handing over the couple albums she found.

he let her convince him to get pretzels and lunch in the food court. tradition, she claimed. and bucky could see himself adopting such a tradition as he watched her lick the pizza grease from her lips to no avail.

“so did you get your little tree?” she asked at some point, moving to take a sip of her soda.

he had just finished chewing, shaking his head as he swallowed and offering a guilty look. she scrunched her face at him, pretending to be angry. “forgive me,” he pouted.

her laugh somehow made it to him over the chatter around them. “well, with a face like that... how can i stay mad?”

bucky grinned around his next bite.

the cacophony of the mall faded as they stepped into their next store, holiday music continuing softly while the two of them hunted for cards for their gifts. bucky could see her glancing at him every so often, either curious as to which ones he was picking out or making sure he wasn’t spying on her. he just chuckled to himself and turned slightly, shielding his selections from her. the one he’d selected for her most of all. it was of the cat character she liked, that he was just finding out was called hello kitty.

again, she stepped up to him at the checkout, just a second too late to see what was inside his bag.

the cashier in front of them giggling caught their attention. “uh-oh,” they pointed, drawing everyone’s gazes to the mistletoe hanging overhead.

bucky lingered on it a moment, already feeling his neighbor’s eyes falling to him. he heard it when he swallowed nervously, felt the piercing in his chest when he finally found her gaze. hesitantly hopeful, soft enough to make him all the guiltier when he didn’t move.

she laughed breathily, trying her hardest to keep bucky from seeing the disappointment flooding her eyes as she turned back to the cashier. he couldn’t hear what she said, what excuse she had used for him not ducking down and following through on the tradition. one he apparently was still too coward for.

from the way she kept pace with him and continued chatting with him, bucky could tell she was embarrassed but trying to spare him from it. which was never going to work as he beat away at himself the rest of the day. it was a mix of guilt and mortification, disappointment with himself and the way he’d made her feel the same. he couldn’t find it in himself to say much, following after her like a scolded puppy into store after store. helpless but to watch as a man approached her near a pile of sweaters in a clothing store.

bucky was a few rows over, staring at the two of them. the guy was younger, probably closer to her age, successful in pulling a laugh from her. it made the pit in his stomach sink lower and lower as if there was no earth beneath him to stop it. because he should have just done it, should have just grabbed her and kissed the breath from both of them like he wanted to.

like she wanted him to.

it was too much for him to watch as the guy pulled his phone out and held it out to her, so he looked away. like the coward he was.

hardly a moment later, she was shuffling up to his side again, looking him over as he stood idle with the leg of a pair of jeans in his hand.

“you okay?” she tried.

bucky looked at her, making her heart stop when she saw the way his eyes fell.

“yeah.”

what else could he say?

it was late by the time they got home. a drive of holiday music playing slightly louder than before and hesitant glances. bucky wished he could go a step further and peel his skin off after his clothes when he went to get in the shower. maybe that would wash off the last layer of doubt from him and finally allow him to make the final push to close the gap between him and her.

he’d just stepped out into a cloud of steam when he heard his phone ringing, dragged himself out into the chilled air of his hallway to answer it.

“yeah?”

“come outside.”

her voice and words made him flash back to his hotel room, his eyes falling down to his lack of clothing. “uh... wait just one second.”

his phone slid when he placed it on the dinner table, would have clattered onto the floor if his chair hadn’t caught it. he fought with his sweatpants against his damp skin, barely managed to get his henley on without strangling himself before he could snatch up his phone again.

“alright, i’m coming out.”

“don’t hang up!”

he stilled for a second, but nodded. “okay.”

the wet strands of his hair clung to the phone when he tucked it against his shoulder and ear, opening his door slowly, unsure what he was about to find.

at first glance, his porch was empty, his neighbor nowhere to be found until he looked across the way and spotted her watching from her living room window.

“a little lower,” she laughed.

bucky let his gaze drift down until he spotted what she was clearly referring to. he let out a laugh of his own, finding her once more to catch her resting her head on her hand.

“there, scrooge.”

careful not to drop the phone, he crouched and pushed his storm door open, pulling the little decorative tree she left for him inside. “yeah, yeah,” he grinned, “tiny tim is saved.”

when he heard her giggle, he couldn’t help but to look to her again. it wasn’t easy to make out her full expression through the distance between them and the dim of the evening, but what he did find told him she wasn’t holding anything against him. that he’d been the only one ripping himself to pieces.

patience. she could wait.

but maybe he couldn’t. maybe they shouldn’t. maybe they were closer to snapping than either of them even knew.

maybe when his dryer sputtered before coming to a complete stop the following day, it was some sort of sign.

“damn it...” his voice came strained before he gave up and admitted defeat against the machine.

or at least defeat for the time being. he could run his sheets over to becca’s when he went for dinner. but then he remembered she was going over by mrs. deerborne for the night to thank her for babysitting. so he was alone for the evening. and without a dryer. and his sheets were nearly soaked.

so he sucked up his pride and shoved everything into one of his pillowcases, slinging it over his shoulder before he made his way over to his neighbor’s. he leaned in to knock on her door, smiling when she opened it and beamed at him.

“oh, santa,” she teased, “you’re early.”

bucky laughed, shaking his head. “my dryer is giving me issues, can i throw these in yours?”

“yeah, of course,” she nodded, stepping aside to let him in. “gimme a second, i just finished a load. let me get it out.”

he waited in her kitchen, watching as she bent over to dig out her laundry into a hamper, having to turn his gaze away when he felt his face growing hot.

“there, all yours.”

“thanks,” he croaked, stepping around her to shove his pillowcase in and shake out its contents. “is it alright if i leave them with you? i gotta try and figure out what’s wrong with mine.”

she nodded as she sat down to begin folding hers, quickly shoving the pair of panties on top out of sight. “mhm... i’ll, um, bring them over if they’re done before you are.”

“thanks,” he breathed, still staring at where her undergarments had just been. “again.”

with another simple nod between them, he left, finding himself sat in front of his dryer, blankly staring into the open back of it for what felt like hours. he was distracted, not as sure of himself or his movements. brain still stuck on the sight of her bent over her load of laundry and the pair of underwear she thought she had hidden in time.

he had just admitted defeat once more and slumped back against the wall when he heard footsteps landing on his porch, her knuckles tapping out a rhythm a beat after.

when he stood up to open his door, he took in a breath first.

“i come bearing linens, my lord.”

bucky snorted, biting his smile to keep his composure. “you have my thanks, my lady.”

“also...” she started, stepping into his house when he opened the door further. “at the risk of making you blush like a schoolgirl... you had a pair of boxers in there. they fell out while i was folding everything.” from the bottom of the pile of sheets, she produced the undergarments as she admired where he’d decided to set up his miniature tree. on the dining table beside the teddy bear.

he felt his eyes go wide for a moment, had to act quick to school his features when she turned to him. “i didn’t take you for a panty thief.”

“excuse me?” she squawked, clearly toying with him. “i was trying to be polite about it, but if you’re going to accuse me of such degeneracy...” to make her point, she turned her nose up at him, nearly letting her smile break through when she heard the chuckle bucky let slip. squinting her eyes, she looked at him again. “if i didn’t know better, i’d think you were making a pass at me throwing those in there.”

“oh, yeah?” bucky smirked, “that enough to woo you?”

“hardly. what kind of lady do you take me for?”

just do it. she wants you, you dumbass.

bucky cleared his throat, gaze dropping once more. “can i bother you to help me get them on the bed?”

once more, she smiled. “not a bother at all.”

from out of nowhere it seemed, alpine came bolting into the bedroom with them, jumping onto the naked mattress and turning to stare at them impatiently. his neighbor worked around her, ruffling at her fur playfully while trying to get the fitted sheet on.

“she does this every time,” bucky offered, watching the two of them play through the flat sheet that alpine had allowed herself to be trapped under.

“mine do, too. i can’t blame them, i enjoy clean sheet day just as much.”

bucky hummed. “shower and some pjs, climb into fresh sheets.”

“oh, my god,” she sighed, looking up at him from where she was shoving his pillows inside their cases. “nothing better.”

he smirked, reaching down to lift up his mattress so she could easily tuck the flat sheet under it.

“jesus, you lift that like it’s a loaf of bread or something.”

“i eat a lot of protein,” he shrugged.

her laugh was breathy and slightly strained. “okay. i’ll double my peanut butter intake. corners tucked?”

bucky mulled it over, taking too long to think on it and earning a look from her and alpine where his cat had finally crawled out from the sheet. “i don’t know, actually. i usually just leave it loose ’cause it’s easier.”

“well, do you like them tucked?”

“i think so. or i was used to it at least.”

she nodded, moving to one side. “hospital corners, it is.”

“military corners,” he teased, not expecting her to suddenly shoot upright and give him a salute.

“sir, yes, sir.”

bucky laughed and watched as she began folding the corners of the sheet carefully, moving up to straighten the whole thing out after alpine’s romp in it. once they were all smooth and perfect, she stood at the end of his bed and placed her hand against her brow again, clearly waiting for his approval. so bucky indulged her and pretended to inspect the quality of her corners.

“at ease,” he finally nodded, prompting her to let out a dramatic breath and plop onto the once pristine sheets.

her head fell back, hanging between her shoulder blades as she looked up. after a moment, she felt her lips curling into a playful smile. “the light on your ceiling fan kinda looks like a boob.”

with a snort, bucky came to stand over her, tips of their toes touching before he looked up. “yeah, i guess it kinda does.” he looked down to her. “pervert.”

she looked at him, finding his eyes as they pierced down into her. what a position she had found herself in. on the edge of his bed, suddenly overcome with the realization that she had never been in his bedroom before. she hadn’t even gotten a chance to snoop around the way he had hers, taking inventory of all the little things that could possibly stand out as distinctly bucky.

and to have his form looming over hers, fingers digging into the waistband of his sweatpants where his hand was sitting on his hip...

the dart of both of their eyes when she realized hers had drifted was telling. it gave away how both of them had been thinking similar thoughts about their predicament, had certain images swarming their brains.

bucky stepped back almost too quickly, thankful for her avoidant gaze when he stumbled. “thanks for... letting me use your dryer. and helping me make the bed.”

“you’re welcome,” she nodded, trying desperately to ignore the rasp to his voice as she stood.

he hadn’t moved back far enough, hadn’t stepped to the side to grant her room when she stood, resulting in them winding up still just a hair too close for casual.

she looked up at him. he looked down at her.

and he could feel it under his skin. he was definitely blushing like a schoolgirl.

she felt it. a heat rushing through her, straight down to where she felt the urge to cross her legs.

but she decided to leave instead, stopping at his front door to lower herself into a curtsey.

“my lord,” she breathed.

bucky stared at her a second, waiting until her eyes lifted to his again.

do it.

his hand found his chest as he leaned forward into a slight bow. “my lady.”

the ground was solid beneath her feet as she walked back to her house, a far cry from the lush green of summertime when he had first mowed her lawn for her. but she felt his eyes on her, just like they had been those few months prior. and where they had once made her squeeze herself into a hug of self-doubt, they now made that heat inside her begin to creep closer and closer to boiling over.

her door shut with a click, couch squealing slightly when she flopped face first onto it, over the arm and with her feet kicked up in the air behind her. her arms reached out, hands finding a throw pillow to latch onto and pull into her face. she moved like a worm, wiggling her way across the couch until her legs were no longer dangling, curling onto her side. her thighs finally got to squeeze, attempting to ease the ache within them.

she couldn’t stop thinking of him staring down at her from the end of the bed, of the brief heat behind his gaze before it turned shy. the firmness of his mattress under her, how it snapped back like a rubber band when she fell onto it.

bucky fell back onto the floor of his hallway, staring into the open back of his dryer blankly. with his fingers running through his hair, he thought back to how hers had felt doing the same, shaking out the snipped ends of it as she admired her work. on her porch the second time, so they could have some shelter from the cold. he looked over into his bedroom to the ripples in his sheets at the end of the bed where she’d been sat. the look she’d given him when she stood up, the glint in her eyes letting on that the heat he felt behind his face had in fact shown as a flush.

soon it became dark out. dinners were eaten, dishes were washed, teeth brushed. that same heat had never faded from her insides. it drew her closer to her bedroom, had her stepping up to her curtains to slowly pull them closed.

bucky always kept his shut, but something in him needed to double check, to make sure they were secure before he crawled into his bed. the sheets were tight around his feet, nostalgic in a way he didn’t expect. his palm wiped over his smile, made his skin prick with goosebumps as it continued down onto his chest. now bare and rising and falling gently as he settled in. movement growing heavier as his hand kept going. didn’t stop.

the elastic of her panties scratched over the back of her hand as she gripped onto her pillow with the other. a sense of embarrassment flooded her, even in the nearly pitch black room, nothing but the glow of her television to expose her. even that grew dark as she shut her eyes, lips parting at the first press of her finger.

a hiss sounded between his teeth, exhale shaky from the almost foreign sensation. it had been so long, so many, many years since his own palm had wrapped around himself. he’d forgotten the weight, the solidness, the way it could have his stomach jumping under his forearm. the way just enough pressure made his eyes grow clouded and hazy.

she felt a tear slip past her lashes, burning a trail down her temple before it melted into her pillowcase. the image of his lips, his canines peaking through them as he grinned at her. what the contrast between the plush skin and hard bone would feel like against her neck, her chest, trailing further and further until she couldn’t stand it any longer. she wanted to hear him, his voice, the hitch of it as he pushed himself to his limit. wondered if he would play along if she picked up the phone and begged him.

bucky could see her gasping up at him when he closed his eyes, swore he heard her breathy pleas beneath his own trembling sighs. felt his stomach seize again at the sound his brain manufactured, how it would compare to the real thing. the draw of her brows when her head fell back and her walls began to close in on him.

her breaths came quick, thighs shaking where they clamped around her wrist, first syllable of his name managing to escape her lips before her teeth sunk in and stopped the weak cry.

the hiss of his shower was almost deafening, faucet continuing to squeal as he kept it suspended right on the edge so the water would be near freezing when he stepped in. he couldn’t. he couldn’t do that to her. not even in his mind could he be having her in such a way. the water poured over his head, drowning out the world around him as it rushed down his chest.

the pounding of her heartbeat drummed in her ears, slowly fading out into the soft murmur of her television. another ache had settled into her thighs as she rolled over onto her side, eyes squeezing in embarrassment at the dampness along her palm where it smoothed across her sheets and under her pillow. it was softer, relieved, had her letting out a final contented sigh before she started to allow exhaustion to settle over her. but it was wrong, it was...

he couldn’t find out.

she couldn’t find out.