#yapping💭

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humankin in the way that im a nonhuman who identifies as human

humankin in the way that I have been raised up in human culture and human society and have become intertwined in it.

humankin in the way that I am fully nonhuman but being treated as human has made me become human, in a way

humankin in the way that my brain and body are mostly human but there are aspects of me that show that I was really not supposed to be one.

I get "shifts" in which my nonhumanity shows

i feel human. I feel nonhuman.

i feel wild and animal and nonhuman while having too much of an attachment to being human that I could never ignore it. and its not in a "I am forever bound to this unwanted life" way.

i enjoy my human-ish body and my human level of understanding. I enjoy my untamed nature and my nonhuman abilities.

i enjoy being human and I enjoy being nonhuman!

I am fully nonhuman while being fully human, an alterhuman!

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explaining my heart/home/syntypes 123 GO!!:

Peril (WoF) hearted in the way that I know what its like to be seen only for your scales. I see myself in Peril so so so much. I understand her to a level where I feel I almost am her.

Sundew (WoF) synpath in the way that I know what its like to have to unlearn and learn more about the world and people, trying to be more understanding. this one isn't as strong as Peril though.

purplehearted in the way that the color purple (all variants) is me, but I am not it, though it has shaped who I am and is deeply ingrained into my personhood. like it could be used to describe me and the other way around. my personality is purple (in the symbolic way), I want people to know me by the color purple, I want to be surrounded in purple, like ARGHHHH its hard to put into words how much purple means to me!

preybirds (the watched version) by Rabbitology-hearted, I hear myself in the instrumental and vocals instead of the lyrics, like if I was music this is what I would be.

rain/foghearted in the way that its a hearthome and hearttype linked to my spirituality. I feel like the rain/fog is my home, I could fade into it and be comfortable existing in it. also cause my rain deity, Rai, is a protective figure to me, and so being in her element feels safe and comforting.

parking garages hearthome, sort of the same as rain, but no spiritual links. it just feels like a home to me.

One Man Circus/My Only Sense of Purpose by Elio (Madilyn) Mei-hearted in the way that I hear myself in the lyrics, it feels like it was made for me in a way

uh and that's it! dang I have a lot of heart/syns actually...COOL !!

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my alterhumanity directly impacts my spirituality and vice versa. my spirituality gives an explaination of how i think the soul works, and therefore, how my soul works, so explains how/why i have some of my kin/hearttypes. then my alterhumanity impacting my spirituality is one case: i believe in a rain/fog deity called Rai, so being in her element (rain and fog) feels like home to me, and so it is one of my hearttypes

(answer I put for a survey)

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ok something I've noticed is that I tend to let my nonhumanity slip through when I'm tired/sleepy.

probably because I'm either too tired/sleepy to hide it OR being tired/sleepy is smth i associate with my cat/feline kintypes a lot so then I just go "damn, this kitty needs to rest, hong shoo mimimimi"

and another thing I've noticed is that I tend to resource guard. when I'm eating in front of other people, I keep my body close to my food and look around every so often, and (throughout my whole life) Im very protective over my food. I rarely share, and when I do share I do it begrudgingly.

like when someone wants my food there's a sort of ferocity I have over it, in my mind, I hiss and scratch, but I end up giving the food anyway (cause usually its my family) only if it benefits me

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dangnabbit I think my yatta chaintype was actually a fixtype (otherfix) so now I'm not yatta DANG IT.

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somehow I get lion/werelion species euphoria from doing a creepy ass slight smile, and also having messy hair in the morning! since it feels like a mane raghgaghaghaghagh

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one thing I've noticed is that I don't really actively think about myself being human and nonhuman.

like, I go about my day, passively acknowledging that I'm not human and that I am. whereas it was one of the most thought about things I thought about during my early days. but now the only times I actually think about it is when I'm posting/analyzing something about it.

otherwise the most ill do is make a little joke or comment like "the hell is this cat doing? eating chocolate lmao" or "wow I'm so #sunbathing #majestically #like a cat" or "yk what thank GOODNESS I have hands instead of paws cause then I wouldn't be able to draw!"

so that kind of shows that my humanity and nonhumanity have integrated itself into my overall identity and I've accept myself as a bi-being to where I just exist, just wanting to live peacefully and be accepted as what I am.

the same thing happened with my gender, too! for the first few months I was thinking about it a lot (also trying to figure stuff out), but now I'm just like "yup my gender goes WUoAH and flips and turns but only like half of it, the other part is masculine and teetering on the edge of being a man, so I'm man-adjacent basically"

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wait a second...I think im a Peril, Glory, and Sundew synpath (from WoF)

ive been feeling lately that I don't really identify as Peril, I'm her - but not really. but I relate to her so much and share many habits, thoughts, and traits as her that it affects my alterhumanity.

she isn't me, and I am not her, but, we are kind of twinning ngl!

same goes for Glory and Sundew, just a little bit less prominent

also, side note: Im halfway into book 13 (Sundews book) and yippee there's lesbian dragons woohoo!