#yaxley

[unteriors]

Orchard Walk, Yaxley, Cambridgeshire.

[linenrebel]

Hm...I just saw your HPQD posts recently and since requests are open, I might as well ask. Can you write abt how they show affection to their S/O? I'm pretty sure most people don't write stuff for these guys because they aren't exactly the most charming of folk. Btw I love these sm, you have no idea how much I've been searching for ppl to actually write stuff for these guys. -⭐Anon

HPQD: Affection and Love Languages

Is this the first ever HPQD request? I think it might be. Gods bless you, ⭐ Anon.

CONTENT: Non-descriptive mentions of sex (Lord Voldemort), PTSD/nightmares (Igor), canonical! War/violence, dodgy relationship dynamics overall

+ Generalised werewolf-esque chaos

Word Count: 1.8k (incl. bonus section)

You can check out the rest of the HPQD series and more over on my masterpost

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So... I sort of did drop off the face of the earth for 2 1/2 months, sorry about that. I could do an A03 and say my house got eaten or smth, but it's actually just exam season in the UK right now. I'm off for summer, though, so maybe we'll get a boom of delicious DILF content? Maybe not though, I haven't decided yet...

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Barty is a very private man, an exceptionally private man. You are his second partner, and you are obscenely younger than he is. He doesn’t like to be reminded of his age, but it occurs to him every time your brow crumples in confusion when he mentions something outdated to his friends, or when he watches you tuck in your teddy bears before you leave the hotel. Barty is assured a hundred times of his place, but still, something in him cringes when a younger, newer model catches your attention. He sees the glances you don’t, he knows exactly what is said about him, and you. And he doesn’t like what it does to him. So, he assures you that he is always there, no matter what happens. Part of it is showing you affection, another part is assuring himself that you want him. There is a joke amongst those you spend time with as a couple that you are physically connected, and he loves it. He enjoys the very clear demonstration that you are his, and you are more than comfortable to be paraded around on your much older, wealthier boyfriend. Is it parasocial? A little, but it seems to work.

You’d never believe it, but Mr Minister is, in fact, quite a confident chef. We’ve learned that he owns several dogs- And what do rich people with dogs like to do? Cook them wildly elaborate, organic dishes. Not to call you a dog, of course, but to do a side by side comparison- He does put you both in little outfits and take you for walks…

Moving swiftly on… 

Rufus is more than happy to take you across London for whatever strange gourmet you want; but, there is something sweet in sitting you at his kitchen island and ‘helping’. It reminds him of the long-gone cooking lessons of his childhood. You are the sous chef, and have full control over the dessert- He’s never had an especially sweet tooth. He does learn from one specific incident with a monkfish, however, that you are never to be trusted with the wine selection. Do not try him, and put that cabernet away. 

The dog genes run heavy in Fenrir, and what are domestic dogs bred to do? Fetch. He won’t admit he and those cute, fluffy pomeranian dogs are cut from the same cloth (and don’t ever bring it up), but there’s something oddly sweet about six and a half feet of muscle bringing home treasures and making puppy eyes for your approval. Really, the only thing he wants is your approval, and he’s learned that you like pretty things to decorate your home with: shells, random glass bottles. Does he understand it? Absolutely not. Does it get him favour when he inevitably does something stupid? Of course it does.

He wants you to have a pretty home- Not because he hopes it makes you broody … Well, maybe because of that … But also because he doesn’t have the sense to have a nicely decorated house like anyone else would know how. If he can feel like he’s helping you by randomly producing a basket full of sea glass in the middle of November, then he’s happy enough that you feel he’s shown you adequate affection. That, and randomly headbutting you whilst you’re trying to work. You will never know peace with this man.

LV is canonically unable to feel romantic love, but there’s no suggestion that he doesn’t feel sexual attraction- Looking at you, Delphini. What does that mean? That as intertwined as the two usually are, it’s entirely possible his affection for you is both sexual and based on the familiarity of your existence. That being said, sex is still an entirely valid form of showing affection (does this count as acts of service or physical touch? Both?). In his heyday Tommy boy was desired, and he knew it- Perhaps he’s even desired now, but for different reasons. As all Wattpad writers of the late 2010s and early 2020s will tell you, he knows how to get it. Is this always a positive? Of course not, but there are negatives to every form of affection. That being said, it’s important to recognise the majority of Tom’s “affection” is extensive masking. Most of what he does he knows is what the average person will expect from a relationship: PDA, affectionate names, etc. He is entirely intelligent enough to understand that you need certain things he doesn’t, and if it keeps you happy when he makes a great fuss of you during meetings, he’ll keep doing that.

Contrary to popular belief, Igor does genuinely try his best most of the time. Sure, he’s a snitching, narcissistic, poor excuse for the teaching profession, but he is also your partner. And you’ve never seemed to mind about the other three things. Although he is not especially insecure about his place, it occurs to him every so often that he hasn’t paid ‘enough’ attention (believe me, Igor’s attention monitor is running on a different highway). This, naturally, is resolved through random moments of sweetness, which will make you think he’s either broken something, or someone. 

Quite literally fighting off students during exam seasons? You’re so good at your job, my love.

Cooking pasta? You’re so sexy covered in flour.

Lying on the floor, doing nothing and bothering no-one? Damn, those floorboards were made for your ass.

You get the gist. It borders between hilarious and ridiculous quite often, but would he really have it any other way?

Is anyone surprised by the knowledge that Yaxley's love language is gift giving? No, no one? Shocker...

Pureblooded society runs off of who has the best of what. Their entire social sphere is a thinly veiled attempt to show off who can afford the newest broomstick, or has their buttons fashioned from the most precious jewels.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, can show you Yaxley is more devoted to you that being presented with a variety of ridiculously expensive presents. He adores you, he wants you to look good. Wear the pretty things he buys you, display the crystal decanter which appeared in your living room one day despite the fact you don't drink whiskey.

He isn't naturally particularly affectionate, but when you go out with him wearing the necklace he put on you an hour before will drive him insane. Do it.

Bonus: What makes them feel loved and appreciated?

Barty Crouch: Planning

We all know this man could give a clock a run for its money. He appreciates nothing more than punctuality, apart from maybe the cricket. So, when he comes home one random day early in your relationship, at which point he’s moved you into his manor, to see you hanging up a new tie you’d bought for him, and you throw him a printed copy of a menu for the restaurant you insist you will be attending, his heart actually melts. You don’t have to plan everything, he is more than happy to do whatever share of organisation you want him to, but when you refuse? Gods… He’s done, he’s melted away.

Rufus Scrimgeour: Letters

The way to a man’s heart is his stomach, that much is known. So, how does one make their way to the heart of a serial chef? The written word, of course. He will not accept long, borderline hysterical adaptations of your devotion, no, but what he does find charming are little notes left about the place, especially when you put little misspellings, either by accident or (as he later discovers) on purpose. Just little tiny notes, whether it’s flowers and hearts, or a reminder to ‘not forget dog birthday’. In his desk drawers, on the door- Somehow you manage to get one inside his cigarette case. 

Fenrir Greyback: Chaos

Chaos. Covered in blue paint cooking pancakes at 2am chaos. Because Fenrir is an inherently insane being who runs mostly on his own instinct and whatever the hell he wants to do. To any adjusted individual this is insane, but to a partner who also thrives on chaos? Perfection. If he wakes you up at 12am on a random Tuesday because he wants to make a roast chicken and doesn’t know which cupboard you put the seasoning in, and you go and get it? He’s smitten, even if you go immediately back to bed and curse him out the entire way back. He doesn’t care, he adores you now. 

L.V: Domesticity 

Really, the Dark Lord is the only one who actually cares about what you do with your life- Sure, with Igor you’re probably a teacher, and with Fenrir you are most likely the main provider for the house, but they don’t care. 

But for a man whose entire brand revolves around tradition… He cares. It is important to him that you behave in the expected manner, and you cannot expect to have any functional relationship with him without this. 

So, when you silently pop in and out of his office, with little treats and laundry, he knows you are complying to what he needs. Especially when you completely ignore him and whoever he is entertaining so he may work. He cannot feel love, but he feels something very close. 

Igor Karkaroff: Snuggles

(I might make an entirely separate post based on this) 

Igor suffers particularly badly from nightmares. There is no feasible way he wasn’t tracked down by the scrapes of Death Eaters left behind from the First War (remember, he was captured before the Lestranges, Barty Jr, etc.) and that must have affected him in some way. 

Nothing proves to him you love him, really love him, more than shushing him and keeping him calm as his forearm burns and he can’t control his breathing. It is horrible to watch and even worse to experience, but such is the way of the Death Eaters.

Once he’s calmed down and probably taken something to relax a little, you can feel him rest his head on your chest. He’ll even let you braid his hair- But he’ll probably never tell you he likes it when you do…

Yaxley: Naming

Stay with me here...

As mentioned, Yaxley isn't particularly affectionate. He doesn't want you to be dragging on his arm (for the love of God, don't do that), he doesn't even want you to look his way when he's at work.

But when he hears you, from across the room, tell someone 'oh, yeah, that's my partner' - He's done, he is gone.

Yaxley can't explain it, he wishes he could. But the idea that he means so much to you that you'll go out of your way to tell other people you're his? That is all he needs to be yours forever.

No silly nickname, nothing especially detailed. Just... yours.

[pangaeaseas]

I know that canonically yaxley the death eater is first named corban but in my head he is named elagabalus and I will not be accepting appeals on this point. (And having done a control+F on the complete series I'm pretty sure that name comes from extracanonical information, so...) should I ever write a fic featuring him and should anyone complain that HIS NAME IS CORBAN I will say that they have no sense of fun and whimsy. why do we all accept the extracanonical name when we could make up our own?

Also his sister in law Juliet Rowle a couple years above the marauders recruited him when it looked like Voldy was winning. (His wife Persephone Rowle probably wears the pants in the relationship, she's a more independent thinker.) I think Yaxley is generally someone who Follows Orders to the letter--he's a pureblood traditionalist from a very powerful family, signed up with Voldemort because that was what all the others were doing, got off on Imperius Defense for the same reason, and has never seen any reason to question the rules of his society or even what he's told to do.

[sfaira]

POV: you bullied some nerds and no one likes you + bonus sad Anthony (he wasn't the one that bullied anyone, he's a friend of the nerds)

[youmeyaxleyfc]

Midweek matters #2 Is there some clarity among the chaos?

So here we are again.

Our fith manager since January 1st 2023 has left the club.

I am old and have been around this club decades. I grew up on Dave Willis, Paul Humphreys, Jim Watson, Gary Clipston and then Brett Whaley. That's the same number of Managers from moving into the Drove (1992 to 2015) as we have had in 592 days.

Good managers, Yaxley Football Club people who drove the team to out achieve the budget and level of support it generated.

We were punching about our weight getting into the UCL and then famously got promoted to the Prem.

The portakabin that stood where the main building is now was rocking as the loyal band of players and small group of fans bonded, celebrating each win at step 5 as if it were to be cherished.

We then had the Jeff Lenton take over. He put a banner up outside the POSH ground, there was no lack of ambition!

He promised Southern League football for the club and despite it taking 18 years by which time he was looking for less not more invovlement day to day (for thoroughly acceptable reasons) Andy Furnell got us to the promised land.

As we have said so many times before that promotion to Step 4 and the lockdowns killed us in so many ways.

The club could not generate revenue and relations between the junior and senior section deteriorated during that Covid period.

Through in the move to the Nothern League and the Sammy Mould debacle and you think things just about couldn't get worse.

But the news that Simon Roberts had been sacked was a new level.

Robbo (along with Lloyd Burton) took that side of journeymen on when Sammy left and got us through to the end of a horrible season.

He also took on the job last season at step 5 and almost got us into the play offs.

Naturally, there has been a dip. A number of players left (for better money no doubt) and the start has been slow.

But with Yaxley and Peterborough City only merging in the summer there is plenty of mitigation I would suggest.

It will be interesting to see what happens next.

Will Wilks be the long term successor or is he just holding the fort until the club (who are forming their committee tomorrow night) announce a new Manager or open up an application process.

I wish you well Robbo. You didn't deserve this by any means.

[asktheheirofslytherin]

just get better

Thank you for the well wishes. A full recovery is indeed the plan. I still feel very mild symptoms, and have found the illness a good excuse to remain in an armchair by the fire for much of the day.

I told Yaxley if he failed me I would breathe on him.

I rather like being contagious.

[vimeddiart]

Next smols comm! Tam and Yaxley with their babies, commissioned by Pixial!

[darkistmalfoyhead]

Relationship Advice From Death Eaters

What if during sixth year Draco was sending out Crabbe and Goyle to keep an eye on Hermione?

Like, I’m sure Draco was doing his little homework assignment from Voldemort but let’s face it; he’s a teenage boy with family issues and is clueless when it comes to relationships.

So after he tries to fix the vanishing cabinet, he holds meetings with his lackeys to figure out how to ask Granger out without even telling the poor duo that’s what he’s trying to do. Crabbe and Goyle running around the castle as girls confused out of there minds, wondering how stalking Hermione as the opposite gender is helping there case.

Hermione walking by Draco and doing a double take when he trips over the front of his robes, begins hacking, and then proceeds to be lifted up by a set of gangly girls.

The entire Death Eater gang assembled in all there glory unable to shut up a teenager who is muttering furiously behind a stack of books about how his entire life is over. They try giving him love advice. The Carrow’s think he should ask her out when the Dark Mark is up; it would be romantic, sharing confessions under the night sky. Bellatrix suggests he kill her. It’s what she did with her seventh-year crush. The group noticeably steps away from her.

Just imagine this circle of sadistic murderers trying to give him some love advice even though they suck with relationships, each offering to help set him up on a date while Hermione is trying to ditch a pair of girls who are as creepy as hell.