#yellowcatcassette

[yellowcatcassette]

Quarantine

So, humanity learned We never had that much control

Said, these glass screens are death Now they’re the life that’s left

This the world-end you dreamt? Stuck at home in pajamas

My normal holds its breath, How long until it’s gone?

The dust specks dancing up and down, Bask in warm sunlight The days are longer than I once thought, Told by warm sunlight

Had yet to say to you Those three words I’ve saved up

An open window for God, Even online he’ll speak

So, humanity learned We never had that much control

When will I see once more, You with my own eyes?

The dust specks dancing up and down, Bask in warm sunlight I live another day that passes, Told by warm sunlight

[yellowcatcassette]

The Poem I Almost Wrote

The poem I almost wrote About the corsage he once gave you, I can no longer complete in words and stanzas, I can’t bring myself to do that to you

Some lines I almost wrote: “Even though the air is dry and humid, I’m so glad you came with me, Would he mind if I stole you away?”

It was meant to be sweet, Just something to make you laugh But since it’s over with, it’s not funny anymore

More lines I almost wrote: “Even though he’s not here tonight, The flowers wrapped ‘round your wrist, Can’t compare when I look at his darling”

But that was springtimes ago And moments like that age fast and unwell Sorry to bring it back when it aches to think of

Did you still keep his gifts From all those years? Every text and ring And high school corsage?

It was one of the things We grew up certain of But then some things we once Knew change now and again

They call it fall since that’s what the Autumn leaves would do So why do they still rain down when The May breeze blows through?

And they say if you love them, Try all that you might But then you learn that’s not love after all

Even though neither him or his Flowers ‘round your wrist Were meant to stay until next May, You’re still just as lovely

They say that first love Is somehow your last But I know someday You’ll be smiling again

escapril day 29: May flowers

[yellowcatcassette]

friends

Today was just so awful, Everything makes me upset First thought is to text you Since you’ll take it all away

Yeah, tell him you’re sad How lonesome it is And he’ll respond With a hug and a kiss

But it’s not because we’re a “thing” We’re just really good friends

Don’t get the wrong idea Everyone else is the same Unofficially committed But they act it anyway

Yeah, bare your whole heart He deserves it all Unearth your soul Nothing left unsaid

Promise you’re not tired Hope we’re more than this someday

“Aw, I’m sorry to hear” “I’m here for you always” Send him your deepest cries Keep her close but never touch

Isn’t this admirable? Isn’t this a wholesome thing? It’s good to be so vulnerable, you know?

I just need somebody who will listen everyday Love on me, please Fill me up with what you’re thinking

Outwardly casual but on the inside it’s soul deep But remember, we’re just friends

Today was just so awful, Everything makes me upset But your response is boring It’s lackluster and blunt

Yeah, use to be hard To hang up but Now it’s a struggle To catch his eyes

It’s all right, we weren’t “dating” It’s all right, nothing happened.

“But I told you everything” “You’re not like what I thought” If you needed this before, When did you have enough?

Isn’t this kinda dumb? Isn’t this what we all go through? Yet when you’re gone, I don’t know who I am

I just need somebody who will make me feel wanted Is it wrong that You heard so many of my own thoughts?

Knowing all my secrets but act like you never saw But remember, we were friends

Hey remember, we’re just friends

Please remember, we’re still friends

escapril day 26: girlhood, boyhood

[yellowcatcassette]

million

Forever 21 clearance rack Momma says never mind how cheap the sale Just dress it up good and then let’s go You already know that you’re beautiful

And your sister got a hundred on her quiz today We celebrate every moment in this family Twenty-four hour pho at Fort Lee Afterwards let’s get Palisades bingsu

It’s not quite scrimping, just grateful thinking

Don’t got a million but don’t need it Just have a million reasons to keep living And we don’t care if it’s cold out Or if the economy’s falling down Because here’s what matters to me

You could say that we’re reckless Never saving big for the future But life is short and spontaneous Money’s nothing if it’s not used right

So call your titas and titos, Lola says she’ll pay Not a six-figured name but buys faux Gucci P.F. Changs down in Nanuet Table of forty, make room for extra

If you knew where we came from you’d see...

Don’t got a million but don’t need it “Live for today” is how we see it And who cares if we’re not elites? They don’t know these kinds of things Are what matter in the long run

[yellowcatcassette]

Emotional

Sitting outside the women’s restroom I’m surprised by how he maintains his calm “Text me when you find her, I’ll wait here for her” So I embarked on a women-only mission

She was alone, Crying in a toilet stall “These emotions are ugly, I can’t stand them anymore”

But I think these feelings that you have Overwhelming your voice and breath Can’t they mean something, too? After all, how would we know when it hurts?

It’s ok you can’t hold in your tears It’s just proof that there’s something else here It’s ok, it’s ok, It’s ok even when you’re not Because at least we know it now

Emptying the paper towel dispenser Funny how no one else seems to mind And nevermind this so-called “Happiest place on earth” Not everyone has the courage to be honest

I admit that I’m Somewhat jealous of how Easily you show when Your heart can’t take anymore

So whoever said, “Don’t get emotional,” What if they’re afraid to understand theirs? “Suck it up, don’t be hysterical” Doesn’t come off as admirable

It’s ok, I’ll wait until you’re through Fix your makeup and pile the tissues It’s ok, it’s ok, It’s ok even when you’re not Because at least we know it now

escapril day 10: femininity

[yellowcatcassette]

Nothing Compares

Alexa, play Hillsong. Alexa skip. Alexa skip. Alexa skip. Aw, this one.

It’s been a while since any band has played it Purposefully, not just for nostalgia. Although I know just how that feels.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the newer ones. Poetic, metaphorical, they resonate well. But this one brings me back.

Back to when there was a choir robed in maroon Back when we thought only adults could pray But this one brings me back.

Back to when the world felt smaller Back to when life felt lighter And then I remember I’m home alone And when was the last time I

Shout to the Lord All the earth, let us sing Straining my voice with that 90’s high key

No one can sing like Darlene or my mom But this song never changed

And who could forget something simple as this: Forever I’ll love you Forever I’ll stand

Nothing compares to the promise I have Nothing compares to the God who still stands Nothing compares to the promise I have Still true

escapril day 3: incorporate music

[yellowcatcassette]

drama

The sun is up, up and at ‘em Another train to the city Good morning

Hey how are you, my name is Slowly trying to get to know At least one

Sit through classes, have a bite of lunch Check my phone but nothing new so far

And so the day ends, As easy as it was, After all I’ve been through it just doesn’t live up

Never thought it’d come to this Kinda miss the old drama I know I should be happier But without the chaos it’s boring

So much for a fresh start

Back then I’d wake up teeth clenching Dreading to face the daily Heartbreaking

We’d take turns crying in the bathroom I begged for God to come down then To save me

Guess I grew use to the unstable Found thrill in emotional rollercoasters

Thank God those days end All problems run their course But now I don’t feel anything anymore

Never thought it’d come to this Kinda miss the old drama I know I’m in a better place But life has been dull ever since

So much for a fresh start

escapril day 1: a fresh start

[yellowcatcassette]

Hanahaki

Would you, maybe, could you, kinda Love me just a bit? The blossoms bubble up my throat If you shut me out for another day or so These flowers will uproot my heart

Coughing, spewing, spitting petals It’s pretty and it’s sick The garden you planted in my chest Grew its thorns in my lungs but roses on my cheeks I’m choking on the lovely scent