THE PARTY YOU’RE CURRENTLY attending was obnoxiously blasting terrible loud music, some radio hit that was making your head ache worse by the second.
you downed your cup of mixed alcoholic drinks that tasted like shit, but you couldn’t help it due to your even shittier mood.
even though the conditions were extremely overstimulating, someone yelling the words the terrible radio hit, boys and girls making out everywhere, all you can think about in the moment is the girl standing across the room.
natalie.
when you spot her, she’s smiling at some joke van probably cracked, one of her hands shoved into the pocket of her leather jacket, with her head thrown back in what looks like bliss. at least one of you were seemingly okay. —READ MORE!
you and nat haven’t spoken in four days, four horrendous, torturous, ridiculously long four days, and it was all because you got jealous.
one stupid argument was all it took for you to impulsively spit out a, “maybe we should take a break,” in a fit of rage. that was it.
and maybe it was the liquid courage, or just the fact that you were drinking yourself to death, but before you could think, you found yourself stomping across the room, to exactly where natalie stood.
natalie barely had time to clock that it was you and not some random stranger grabbing the sleeve of her jacket before yelping out a “what—”
“no questions, follow me.”
she stumbled after you, blinking at you in confusion as you hastily drag her down the hallway, dodging multiple bodies and finally making it into an empty bedroom before slamming the door shut.
natalie immediately turned to you, her brows furrowed.
“what the fuck was th—”
she found her words cut short at your eyes, they were big and glossy, along with your pink flushed cheeks, and anxious breathing.
“…babe?”
her expression was now faded into her ‘concerned girlfriend’ expression. the one she gave you when you were sick, or upset, or even when she was worried for you.
the bubble of irritation in your chest disappeared so quickly it made your heart clench.
she took a careful step closer to you before she finally stood close to you, face to face.
“what happened?” she says, voice in that gentle, soothing tone that was reserved for you. “did somebody say something to you? upset you? just tell me who—”
her immediate care is what did it for you, you let out a strained whimper, and natalie’s eyes widened in concern.
“babe, hey… what’s..”
before she could ask anything else, tears already found themselves streaking down your face.
“i miss you, nat,” you choked out, hiccuping.
natalie looks as if she froze at your words, her body going stiff.
“uh, what?”
“i miss you so much.” you cry out as your voice shook, the words coming out of your mouth thoughtlessly.
“i know i’m probably just being dramatic and i know i drank like…” you sniffled, wiping your face aggressively as you tried to find your words “…a lot more drinks than i can handle, but i can’t stop thinking about you.”
natalie just stared at you with her mouth gaped open, and you tugged at the strands of your hair in frustration.
“i’ve been so mad at you, and then i remember your stupid, cute laugh and i get even angrier because i couldn’t even stay mad.” you choke out a sarcastic laugh. “you’re literally everywhere. every song i hear reminds me of you, and then at night i keep going to my phone to call you and then i remember we’re…broken up.”
natalie’s expression changes just the tiniest bit, but of course you notice, she probably thought you were pathetic— she would never want you back— you shake the thoughts out of your head, crying harder.
“i’m sorry,” you whisper to her. “nat, i’m so sorry.”
she opens her mouth to say something, but of course, in your drunken declaration of love, you don’t let her speak.
“i was jealous because that girl—jessica or whatever the fuck her name was, kept talking to you and i hated how pretty she was and i know you weren’t even doing anything bad.” you laugh helplessly through your words, completely falling apart in a break down. “i was just being… being such a jealous bitch.”
“hey.”
“i don’t deserve you, nat.”
“baby—”
“i don’t!” you cry out, tears spilling somehow faster. “you’re all i think about, natalie. there’s something wrong with me, it’s so embarrassing. i keep walking past your locker even though it makes me late to calc everyday.”
natalie couldn’t hold it back anywhere, a tiny smile tugged on the corners of her lips.
“you’re finding joy in this?” you asked sadly.
“you just admit that you’ve been stalking me.”
“i wasn’t stalking you.”
“you literally just confessed it.”
“i was… looking out for you, nat.”
she giggled, actually giggled in this situation, and the sound was so familiar that it nearly made you fall into another sobbing fit all over again.
“i hate you,” you mumble, embarrassed.
“no, you don’t.”
“…i know.” your shoulders slump in absolute defeat.
“i just…” you look down, breaking eye contact as your voice faded so quiet she barely heard you. “i really miss my girlfriend.”
for what felt like ages, there was silence, and then natalie comes closer until she’s unbelievably close to you.
“you done?” she asks softly, her eyes sparkling with an emotion you don’t have the intelligence to figure out right now.
you sniffle with a small nod.
nat gently cups your face with both of her chilly hands, wiping away the fallen tears under your eyes.
“you’ve really been crying this whole time, you could’ve cried a river,” she mumbles.
“i know.”
“you look like you went to hell and back.”
you let out an offended laugh, scoffing in disbelief. “you’re so mean.”
“i know.” she grins, “but i still love you.”
your breath hitches, and natalie watches your face for another second before leaning in and placing her lips on yours, and it feels like a fire’s been ignited in your body.
you felt warm. you felt like fireworks on a summer night, like coming home after a long day, you felt heaven.
the second your lips met hers, every anxious, miserable thought you had been thinking for the last four days disappeared.
you melt into her, your hands clenching at her jacket, chasing her warmth and affection as another whimper escapes you through the kiss.
natalie smiles against your mouth.
“still crying?” she mumbles against yours lips.
“shut up.”
“i missed you so much too.”
you pull back to look at her clearly, “…you did?”
she gives you the most dumb founded look, as if that should’ve been common sense. “in my head,” she whispers, “we weren’t actually broken up.”
you blink in confusion.
“what?”
“i was just giving you space because you were upset at me.”
“…nat.”
“what?”
“you let me think we were broken up.”
“i thought we were just… having a dramatic argument.”
you stare at her blankly before letting out a baffled laugh and hid your face in her neck.
“we’re actually idiots.”
“yeah,” natalie replies, wrapping her arms around your frame. “but you’re my idiot.”
“i’m sorry again.”
“i know.”
you cup her face in your hands now, looking at her with a frown.
“you know this is when you’re supposed to make me work harder for your forgiveness.”
natalie gestures mindlessly, shrugging. “i didn’t really want to, the silent treatment was enough torture for me.” she brushes a stray strand of hair away from your face before stealing another kiss.
“now let’s go.” she says.
“where?”
“you cried nearly enough tears to make an entire river.”
“so?”
“so,” natalie says, intertwining her fingers with yours, “my girlfriend deserves a nice fresh glass of water and a few minutes where she stops saying ‘sorry’ and just lets me love her.”
you squeeze her hand with a grin, jokingly asking, “girlfriend?”
“you wanna argue with me again?”
“no ma’am.”
“good.”
she kisses your forehead affectionately before opening the bedroom door, the obnoxious music flooding your ears once again, but this time, you welcomed it with ease.
“i was getting really sick of pretending we were broken up anyway.”
✧ 𝑓. guys keep in mind this is the first thing i wrote in like four months so if it’s shit pretend it isn’t… it was genuinely so hard to write this idk why 😭😭 also if u couldn’t tell stupid song was on repeatttt. ugh that album is so good… but i fear guts is still my all time fav album ever…. anyways feel free to send some reqs !! :]
𓂃ㅤ 𝓉𝖺𝗀𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍 ୨୧ @lcvealwayss @viennasolace @love4madii @keilahhhsstuff ♡ thank you so much for joining !
FOUR MONTHS IS A LONG TIME WHEN you’re nested up in some shitty motel isolating yourself from the outside world.
it’s been four months since you last saw your girlfriend, sorry, ex girlfriend hunched over your bathroom sink, hands shaking and eyes red as she promised you once again that she’d stop.
four months since you told her you couldn’t keep watching her turn into someone you didn’t recognize in front of you.
four months since you made the hard decision of choosing your own wellbeing over her pleading and cries when you left.
you tell yourself you did the right thing every single time you close your eyes, natalie’s face a constant replay in the back of your mind.
you repeat it as if it’s a prayer.
you’re laying on your couch, a routine you had been frequenting since the rescue, when it happens. —READ MORE!
you reach out, muting the tv as you sit up, the bright reflection of the television lighting the room. it’s late, nearly 3:00am. the world is silent, not even the sound of cars could be heard outside.
and your peace, if you could even call it that, has been interrupted by a sudden series of knocks.
aggressive, violent, terrifyingly loud knocks.
your heart beats violently in your chest, a deep fear drowning you as you attempt to catch your breath.
you consider running into the dusty motel closet, locking yourself in the dark until the sun peeking through the blinds lightens the room, but your thoughts are cut off as the knocking comes again, frantic and suffocating.
you stand slowly, stepping close to the door as warning alarms go off in every logical sense of your brain, you clench your eyes shut, and all a sudden, your back in the snow, trees surrounding you, to the howling and screams. you’re almost hyperventilating now as your fingers tremble by your sides.
and then you hear it. her. saying your name.
she’s not just saying it though, it sounds closer to wailing, and you freeze.
“n-natalie?” you whisper, even though she couldn’t possibly hear you over the door.
there’s another knock this time. a softer one. almost similar to the sound of giving up, and you open the door.
she falls into you.
she crashes forward into you as if something gave out inside of her, her hands bunching at your shirt, fingers clawing into the fabric as if she’s afraid you’re not real.
nat reeks of rain and cigarettes and a distinct scent you can’t name that is so uniquely hers, and surprisingly, she doesn’t reek of alcohol.
what you do notice though, is that her breathing is quick and fast, almost panicked.
you shut the door quickly, trapping the storm and whatever else nat seemed to be outrunning outside, and wrap your arms around her without thinking, as if it was instinct for your body to embrace hers before you can even protest.
“natalie—hey, look at me,” your hands cup her wet cheeks, guiding her to look into your eyes. “what’s wrong? are you okay? what the fu—“
you cut yourself off as you realize she’s shaking, and your heart drops for a moment, this scene was all too familiar, from the times she showed up home piss drunk and high on whatever some random dealer gave her, but this time it was different, she wasn’t drunk, or high.
she was shaking as if her whole body had been lit on fire.
“i—” she breaks out, but her cries drown her words before swallowing hard. “i’m sorry.”
your heart drops to your stomach.
“nat, are you withdrawing?” you ask, panic creeping into your voice. “did you stop? nat, i need you to talk to me.”
she pulls back from your embrace just enough to look at you properly, and the sight of her nearly breaks you down to tears.
her eyes are red and wide, horrified in the way you hadn’t seen since you’d been rescued, when it felt like you two were imposters in your own home.
“i had a dream,” she croaks out, voice cracking as she closes her eyes, just the thought of it bringing her to her knees.
she drops down on your living room floor, the droplets of rain painting the wood, and she’s crying, she isn’t sobbing, or wailing, just tears silently rolling down her face as her breaths continue uneven.
you kneel in front of her almost immediately, like it’s second extinct.
“natalie,” you whisper, your hands placing themselves gently onto her arms. “look at me.”
she shakes her head, more tears brewing into her eyes as she gasps. “i can’t,” she cries.
your throat tightens seeing her in so much…fear, pain, whatever the fuck this was.
“you’re here, in my living room, with me.” you whisper softly. “you’re safe.”
her hands move, grabbing your own suddenly, clasping onto them tightly, as if she’s afraid you’ll disappear.
“it came back,” she lets out frantically. “in the dream, it came back for me. it found me.”
your heart stops.
“what did, nat?” you ask quietly, holding back your own tears even though you already know what it is.
“the wilderness.” her voice emphasizing the word as if it’s common sense. “it followed us. it found us.”
her grip on your hands tightens even more than before, painfully.
“and it—” she stumbles over her words, shutting her eyes at the mere thought of what she thinks happened. “it fucking killed you.”
your heart aches as it seems the world is closing around the two of you.
“it killed you and i couldn’t—” nat nearly hyperventilating again, “i couldn’t stop it. i couldn’t get to you and it was my fault that i couldn’t—”
it’s in that moment when sobs take over natalie’s body, the words vanishing into the tense air as her body shook violently with the tears.
you move closer, moving until you’re practically touching foreheads, your hands cradling her face, attempting to ground her.
“natalie,” you say firmly. “look at me.”
and she does.
her eyes are glassy with tears, vulnerability showing on every crevice of her face.
“i’m right here,” you whisper, dragging your thumb along her jaw. “nothing is coming back for us. it’s over. we got out.”
“it’s not over,” she says immediately, voice coated with anxiety. “it’s in my head. and you know it’s in yours. it’s everywhere.”
you kiss her head gently, hushing her.
“i’m here,” you repeat, ignoring her previous words.
her breath hitches as she calms down in your embrace, clasping onto you tighter.
“i can’t lose you,” she whispers, and the words are nearly laughable, because you already did lose each other, or at least, you think you did.
“i know,” you mumble into her hair.
“no, you fucking don’t,” she says desperately, with an edge in her voice. “you don’t know what it’s like when i close my eyes and i see you just gone—” her voice breaks again. “i can’t do that again.”
your heart tightens in pain.
“you left me,” she says quietly, pain coating her tone.
you swallow the lump in your throat as you shake your head.
“no, nat. you were killing yourself,” you whisper in response, and her body stiffens at the reminder.
“i know,” she croaks. “i know, i was. i—i am.”
the silence hangs between the two of you before she speaks once again.
“i can’t do this anymore,” her hands slide down to hold yours again, fingers intertwining together as if she’s anchoring herself to you. “i can’t wake up every day and feel like i’m dying.”
the tears you’ve been holding back spill out before you could stop them.
“natalie—”
“i’ll stop,” she says urgently. “i promise you i’ll stop. i’ll quit all of it. i’ll do whatever the fuck you want. i’ll go to rehab, i’ll— i’ll throw everything away, i just can’t—” her voice breaks intertwining agony. “please don’t leave me again.”
your heart breaks.
“you promised me before,” you whisper, closing your eyes at the painful memories.
“i know.”
“you said that and you ended up in the fucking emergency room, nat.”
“i know,” she repeats, and she looks destroyed by your doubt. “but i didn’t understand then. i didn’t—i didn’t feel like this before.”
her hands tighten her grip on yours.
“i saw you die,” she states again, voice so clear and confident. “and it felt so real, i’m not crazy—it felt like losing you all over again and i can’t live like that, i just can’t live without you.”
you sigh, completely and utterly wrecked, because you know that this is the problem.
the love you two share, and how it never goes away, no matter what you do.
it ties you two together, an invisible red string that never seems to snap, so beautiful and raw and dangerous and impossible to ever ignore.
“you hurt me so much,” you whisper.
her face crumples in sadness, as if the words physically pain her.
“i know.”
“you pushed me away every time i tried to help you, nat.”
“i know that.”
“i was fucking drowning, dying trying to save you.”
she nods, tears clouding her vision.
“i’m sorry, baby,” she whispers, kissing your hand. “i’m so sorry.”
her hands clasp yours tighter, desperation controlling each and every one of her senses.
“please,” she begs. “please don’t make me go back out there alone.”
and that’s all it takes, because your resistance shatters.
you pull her forward into your embrace, wrapping your arms around her as she falls into you. she clings her body to you as if she’s afraid something will take you away again.
you bury your wet face into her hair, absorbing her scent and kissing the top of her head over and over again.
“i’m here,” you cry. “i’m here, i promise i’m not going anywhere tonight.”
she lets out a sound of relief into your shoulder.
“i love you,” she whispers, so rawly and so terrified, it almost ruins you.
you pull back to look at her, and you see the girl who survived something that should’ve killed the both of you, the girl who gets high and drunk into oblivion because feeling anything at all is just unbearable for her, and the girl who loves you like it’s the only thing she knows how to do
“i love you too,” you whisper, and she pushes forward before you could think, kissing you like she’s afraid she’ll wake up and realize this is all a dream.
the kiss isn’t gentle and soft, it’s desperate, passionate, and painful, yet so right. her hands grip onto your waist, her fingers trace your face, latch onto your hair, and she touches you anywhere she can, and you kiss her back.
love with natalie has always been this way, she saves you, and then she breaks you, but the pain is always worth it, because being without her kills you.
her lips begin to slow, the panic leaving, and the kiss becomes slower and gentle, as if she’s trying to communicate her love through the action.
her forehead rests on yours when you finally part to breathe.
“i’ll try,” she says. “i swear on everything.”
you caress nat’s face, wiping away a stray tear that drips from her eye.
“that’s enough for me,” you smile softly.
she nods with a mutual grin, leaning herself into you once again.
and for the first time in four months, you let yourself blind out the noises in your head, the screams of terror, the howls that haunt you, you just hold her without walking away.
✧ 𝑓. ok hold on i kinda cooked with this. also i feel like this theme was really different from the usual fluffy stuff i write so i’m kinda really proud of this… also i think this is my longest fic yet hehe 🤑🤑 anyways this is slowly turning into a nat fan acc sorry (actually no i’m not i will not apologize for my gayness) anyways have a good thursday everyone !!
𓂃ㅤ 𝓉𝖺𝗀𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍 ୨୧ @lcvealwayss @viennasolace @love4madii @keilahhhsstuff ♡ thank you so much for joining !
ROCKSTAR GF NATALIE SCATORCCIO ♡ it’s currently past midnight and natalie’s still on the floor with her guitar settled on her lap, playing the same melody on repeat with a notebook open in front of her.
you’re supposed to be asleep by now, but instead your gaze is settled on her, listening to the soft chords of the guitar and her quiet curses under her breath every time she messes up.
“nat,” you mumble, voice raspy from exhaustion. “come to bed.”
“in a minute,” she replies automatically, not even bothering to look up.
you sigh and push your body out of bed, walking until you’re standing right in front of her, and it’s only then when she glances up, eyes heightened down with a tired expression, but of course still stubborn.
“you said that like an hour ago, babe.”
“i’m so close,” she whines, head falling back.
you shake your head and drop your tired body into her lap, the guitar now cast aside as her hands immediately move to your waist, steadying you with her arms wrapping around you.
“hey—” she complains, although it sounds more content if anything. “that’s not fair.”
“you’re tired,” you whisper into her ear, leaning in to place a soft kiss to her lips. she melts into you now, tension leaving her body as if she didn’t realize how exhausted she was until this moment.
“but it’s for you,” she admits softly when you pull back, glancing at the unfinished pages of lyrics.
you smile, squeezing her body tighter. “you can always finish it tomorrow.” she hesitates, looking at the notebook before looking back at you.
“…five more minutes?”
you kiss her again, slower and firmer this time. “i want you in bed. now.”
she legs out a quiet chuckle, forehead leaning on yours. “god, fine— you win.”
she finally rests the guitar onto the couch with a sigh with a longing look, though her hands never leave your body, pulling you closer if anything.
“you’re distracting,” she whispers with a yawn.
“well sorry, but the song could always wait— you know i hate falling asleep without you.”
you feel her smile against your neck at that, and then finally, she lets you pull her up to her feet, still clinging onto you the whole way to bed. ⎯⎯ 𝖠𝖱𝖢𝖧𝒾𝖵𝖤
GF NATALIE SCATORCCIO AFTER A FIGHT ♡ it’s nearly 2:00am when you hear sharp taps at your bedroom window, your first response is to assume it’s the patter of the rain hitting the glass due to the rainstorm going on, but then you hear it again—three solid knocks, and you know it couldn’t possibly be the rain.
you cautiously pull the curtain aside, and there natalie is, standing on the ledge of your wet roof.
her hair’s sticking to the sides of her face, a mess from the harsh wind, and her leather jacket is half zipped as if she threw it on in the dark and it’s practically soaked, the rain clearly did a number on her, and in one hand she’s holding a slightly crushed and withered bouquet of flowers, and in the other hand is a small teddy bear (and the creepiest teddy bear you’ve seen) that looks like it was cursed.
you push the window open in a hurry, staring at her with a bewildered expression. “natalie… are you fucking serious right now?”
“before you say anything—” she says instantly, climbing inside clumsily, almost losing her balance. “i know i was being an asshole earlier. like… a really big one.”
you cross your arms in a protective stance, leaning against your desk. “you yelled at me, natalie.”
“i know,” she replies immediately, the confidence leaving her voice with a frown. she holds the flowers, gesturing them towards you nervously. “that’s why i got you these. i didn’t know what else to do.”
you glance down at them. “…those look like gas station flowers.”
“well… they are,” she admits, rubbing the back of her neck, and then she gently presses the ugly teddy bear into your hands too. “the gas station was the only thing open, and the bear was an impulse purchase.” you look back up at her, holding back a grin, you couldn’t forgive her just yet.
natalie’s scanning your face carefully, as if she’s trying to figure out whether you’re still upset or not. “you stopped answering my calls,” she whispers softly. “i thought you were really done with me this time.”
your expression softens, heart aching at her defeated expression. “maybe don’t be mean to your girlfriend next time.”
“yeah,” she agrees with a nod. “that’s fair, i deserve the silent treatment.” there’s a silent pause hanging between you two before she tentatively steps closer, her voice nearly a whisper. “can i hug you?” she mutters, “or are we still angry with me?”
you sigh with a pout, but step closer despite yourself, and natalie instantly pulls you into her embrace like she’s been waiting for you all night, her arms wrap around your waist while she presses a soft kiss to your lips. when she pulls back, her forehead rests against yours, her nose brushing gently against yours in an affectionate manner.
“i’m really fucking sorry,” she sighs out, sadder this time. “i hate when i upset you.” you glance down at the teddy bear in your arms before meeting her gaze again, finally letting your smile break free.
“you climbed up my roof with flowers and a teddy bear during a storm,” you say in a tone of disbelief. “you’re crazy.”
“yeah,” she mutters, chucking softly at the absurdness of her actions. “but i really love you, and i’d do anything for you, so...”
“you’re lucky i love you too.” you whisper softly as you roll your eyes at her, leaning in to kiss her again, with the horrifying teddy bear still squished between your bodies while natalie smiles against yours lips like she just won the lottery. ⎯⎯ 𝖠𝖱𝖢𝖧𝒾𝖵𝖤
NATALIE SCATORCCIO HAD ALWAYS BEEN PRESENT IN YOUR LIFE.
she wasn’t demanding, or a presence you second guessed, it was like her presence settled into your bones, as if she is the constant static buzzing in the background of your life, something you don’t realize until it’s gone.
before the crash going to nationals, she was the person who sat next to you on bus rides and stole your headphones with a smirk, the girl who locked your arm with hers during practice and listened when you complained.
after the crash, she had become the person you walked beside without second guessing, the one you share food with even when the ache in your stomach is tearing you apart, the one who still makes dumb jokes during the wrong moments to see you crack a smile.
you’re best friends, that’s what everyone knows you as.
you have acknowledged your best friends status too. always making it a point to bring up, as if the amount of times you say it will make it more true than it already is.
you don’t think about when night comes, when the cabin is pitch black and the exhausted snores fill the room, your thoughts then don’t feel very best friend material at all. —READ MORE!
they’re on dangerous territory.
you grew up in a family where faith had no choice but to absorb you fully. a lifestyle where you give it your all, and don’t question it.
it didn’t feel gruelling or terrible, per se, laura lee’s certainty in her faith inspired you, it made you feel like you weren’t falling, at times it felt like hiding, you were simply floating in space.
you learned from a very young age to hide parts of yourself away, to appease your parents, the church, to pray when your grateful, upset, angry, how to never question anything in gods name.
and there’s natalie.
the way she looks at you with a warm glint in her gaze, the way her fingers brush yours when she hands over something, the way your heart beats faster when she smiles at you when she’s relieved you’re okay, the way she brings out the side of you that you had hidden away your entire life.
you had been pushing it down. praying it away. telling yourself it’s just isolation, just fear and survival instincts taking over.
and the brainwash continues for a while, until shauna mentions one evening while everyone’s by the fire, chatter in the background.
“funny how a crash can suddenly spark romances,” she jokes, looking between you and natalie without even realizing. “i never second guessed it before, but when we’re all here, god, it’s so obvious.”
your heart falls to your stomach.
you laugh at her joke, as if it had no effect on you, but the words replay in your head over and over, and you try to wash them away with quiet prayers and laura lee’s endless background noise about faith and dedication to god.
so you do the only thing that makes sense, you distance yourself.
not enough to the point that anyone thinks somethings up, you sit farther away from natalie, you stop running to her after her hunts, and when she tries talking to you, you find excuses to exit the area.
but of course, natalie notices.
she notices everything about you.
by the third day of your ‘ignoring natalie agenda’, she finds you outside the cabin while the others are inside, she walks up to you with an eagerness that makes you shut your eyes in drought, the hurt in her eyes are practically oozing out.
“okay,” she snaps with a frown, crossing her arms in front of her. “what’s up with you?”
you blink at her, feigning the innocent act you have been channeling the past few days. “uh…nothing?”
“that’s bullshit.”
you gasp as if you’re about to rebuttal, yet you find yourself closing your mouth. your heart is racing at this point and the guilt is clawing at your chest.
“i… i didn’t do anything,” you protest weakly, looking at anywhere but her face.
“yeah well, that’s kinda the problem,” natalie replies, looking deep into your eyes, and somehow it feels like she’s reaching for your soul, your deepest secrets. “you won’t even look at me.”
you stare at the ground below your feet, your hands feel numb from the shock that floods over your body.
“i shouldn’t,” you whisper to yourself, clenching your eyes shut.
she frowns at your nervousness. “shouldn’t what?”
you can’t speak, the lump in your throat makes the words feel too hard to speak, too impure, so wrong, as saying them out loud might ruin you for the rest of your life.
“i shouldn’t feel like this,” you shout, voice cracking in anger. “it’s just not right.”
natalie’s expression softens in realization and she takes a step closer, still hesitant, as if she’ll break you if she takes the wrong step.
“hey, it’s okay,” she offers the comfort in her voice quietly. “what are you talking about?”
you shake your head in denial, your breath coming out frantically. “i don’t know, nat. i just, i’m not supposed to feel this way. i’m not like that. i can’t be. i won’t be.”
“why?” natalie asks, softly as if she doesn’t want to startle you but still pushing you out of your limits.
you let out a laugh in disbelief. “you seriously don’t get it?”
she reaches for your hand before you can even think to pull it away, and you instantly notice that her touch is warm, as if you’re sitting in front of a fireplace on a snowy day, it’s grounding, it calms you, and that makes it worse.
“look at me, there is nothing wrong with you,” natalie reassures, looking at you with the most wanting gaze you’ve seen.
you pull your hand back, terrified as your panic grows larger. “no, nat—you don’t understand.”
“then help me,” she counters. “because from what i’m hearing, you’re punishing yourself for something that doesn’t hurt anyone in any way.”
the tears you’re holding back sting in your eyes.
“what about tai and van?” natalie questions with a pointed look. “do you think there’s something wrong with them?”
you immediately reply without a second thought. “no— goodness no, i would never—“
“then why is it so different for you?”
the question hangs between you two, your shoulders drop as if you had been beaten in an argument, and your breath stutters as the tears finally spill over your flushed cheeks.
“i’m scared,” you admit in a cry. “i’ve spent my whole life being told that wanting the wrong thing, that wanting this means somethings wrong with you, and that if you pray hard enough for god’s forgiveness, you can fix it.”
natalie’s jaw tightens at your confession, not with anger or madness, but with a protectiveness.
“you don’t need fixing,” she whispers into the air. “you’re allowed to want things, even if it’s not…” her voice break as she continues, “you’re allowed to love people.”
she lets her hand fall to her side, giving you the space you had been so eager for, and that almost hurts you more than the realization did.
“i didn’t say anything all this time,” she continues, voice calmer now, as if she’s accepting whatever she thinks is going to happen next.
“because i didn’t want to push you, or scare you. but yeah… i feel it with you too. so much, it takes over everything in my brain, my body, everything.” she emphasizes.
you look up at her in awe.
“you… you do?”
natalie exhales a breath, a shaky smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “took you long enough to notice.”
your heart pounds against your chest and reality feels as though it had slowed down, and stopped in this moment.
“i really don’t want to ruin this,” you whisper.
natalie steps closer again, her body almost brushing yours at this point. “you won’t. not if we finally stop lying to ourselves.”
she leans in and presses a soft kiss to your cheek, her lips feel soft, and warm, and so right.
you freeze, and it feels as if everything in the world makes sense.
you exhale, the tightness leaving your body.
you surprisingly reach for her hand this time, your fingers intertwining together, letting your body fall into the warmth of her palm, and natalie looks hopeful.
and before you can talk yourself out of it, or let the useless doubt fill your head, you tug her closer by the neck and place your lips on hers.
fireworks go off in your body, it’s gentle and nervous and unmistakably messy, your teeth clash at one point, but neither of you care.
natalie’s breath catches, and her hands come up to your cheeks, thumbs brushing your jaw like she’s afraid this moment isn’t real, like she’s memorizing this for the rest of her life.
when you pull back, you’re both wearing pathetic, in love smiles.
“i’m still getting used to this,” you admit as your fingers caress her lips. “but i don’t want to run from you anymore. i can’t.”
natalie rests her forehead on yours as her smile grows wider. “good. because i don’t want to watch you from afar anymore either.”
for the first time since the crash, since before it too, you feel right, you feel like yourself.
✧ 𝑓. nat my beloved <3 i love sophie thatcher so much omfomfof (also if u were wondering yes i am bi idk why i never mentioned it 😭) and omg everyone plz pray that i get into my dream university bc i didn’t get my acceptance yet i’m so scared i want that dorm life 💔💔 anyways PLEASE feel free to send yellowjackets requests bc i love everyone and everybody… maybe not shauna tho… but i’m willing to suck it up ☺️🫰 also i wanted to write a psa that i have nothing against religion or anything, i have a very religious family so i just wrote about my own feelings to some extent <3 !
𓂃ㅤ 𝓉𝖺𝗀𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍 ୨୧ @lcvealwayss @viennasolace @love4madii @keilahhhsstuff ♡ thank you so much for joining !
THE LOCKER ROOMS AIR WAS DISGUSTINGLY humid as the scent of sweat and lottie’s cheap drugstore perfume flowed through the area.
the hyper buzz of energy began to drift away as the girls prepared to pack up and go home, voices getting quieter and complaints about the running drills coach martinez forced everyone to do fading away.
you’re currently halfway through pulling your shirt over your head when you feel a stare, that sense in your body that makes you aware of being watched, and you glance up to catch van’s gaze.
van isn’t being very subtle.
she’s leaning against a locker across from you, in conversation with tai, though her eyes drift over you, in what way? you didn’t know.
van being van, doesn’t even look away when you catch her, when you raise an eyebrow in question, she smirks.
you roll your eyes, mostly to hide the embarrassment of whatever the hell that was warming up your neck. —READ MORE!
and all of a sudden, you realize that you probably aren’t the only one who noticed that.
you don’t have to glance her way to know natalie, your (secret) girlfriend noticed it.
the shift in the rooms atmosphere is almost sudden.
from the corner of your eye, you notice natalie’s body go stiff, almost still in what you think is discomfort, or anger?
she continued to fiddle through her bag, keeping her face neutral, but you know natalie, and you notice that her shoulders are almost stone, and her jaw is clenched.
and of course, van notices too.
she raises an eyebrow at natalie in question, amusement gleaming in her eyes, as if she knows everything, challenging natalie to speak up, before finally turning back to tai like nothing had even happened.
natalie slams her locker shut much harder than necessary, and you bite back a grin.
the girls finally begin exiting the room with exhausted murmurs, the whispers fading into the hallway.
van walks out slower as she swings her bag over her shoulder and gives you an exaggerated smile.
“see you tomorrow,” she says with a chuckle, finally exiting the room.
natalie doesn’t look at her. “let’s hope not.”
van snorts in response, her laugh lingering through the empty halls.
the locker room goes silent, the only sound being the buzz of electricity with only you and natalie left.
natalie sits on the bench with a sigh and runs a hand through her hair, tugging on the bleached strands in irritation, avoiding eye contact.
you take your time tying your shoelaces, watching natalie from the corner of your eye.
“you’re pouting,” you say as a matter of factly with a hidden smile.
“i’m not.”
“babe, you are.”
she shrugs with a blank expression. “just tired.”
you stand up straighter and move closer, stopping your body directly in front of her, as she looks up at you reluctantly.
her eyes do a quick up and down your body for a second, natural instinct to check you out, before she catches herself in the act and looks away.
“van was staring,” she says with a sharpness to her tone.
you shoot a pointed look of confusion towards natalie, feigning ignorance. “really? van?”
“that’s what i said,” nat scoffs out.
you lean yourself against the lockers beside her. “well…she stares at everyone.”
“but that’s the way only i’m allowed to look at you.”
the way she lets those words out is almost hesitant, as if she’s trying to undermine how much it actually bothered her.
you rest your body down onto the bench beside her, your knee colliding with hers, the skin on skin contact sending a buzz through your body.
she doesn’t move away, she stiffens, but she doesn’t lean into it as she usually would.
“you jealous?” you whisper in a teasing tone.
she lets out a sarcastic chuckle in response. “seriously?”
“you are.”
she finally meets your gaze, eyes narrowing at your slight smirk. “i don’t like it when people think they can look at what’s mine.”
your heart skips a beat at her possessiveness, god, it’s like your girlfriend gets hotter and hotter everyday.
“oh?” you say softly.
“she thinks it’s funny or something,” natalie mutters in an angry tone.
“does she, now?”
her eyes gaze into yours now, and you hold the contact, and the air suddenly shifts again. you gently tug at the sleeve of her natalie’s hoodie until her hand is in yours.
“nat,” you say quietly. “do you really think i could care less about van looking at me?”
she hesitates, a frown taking over the blankness of her expression once again.
“no,” she replies, her voice almost quieter than the buzzing in the room.
you move closer to natalie now, your thigh pressing against hers, and you can feel the heat of her skin through the thin layer of fabric.
“i don’t care about anyone looking at me,” you continue. “let alone anyone that isn’t you.”
her lips part slightly. “really?”
you don’t answer her question. instead, you brush your thumb along her jaw and gaze at her with a soft expression.
“because i only love you, not them.” you admit.
and in the snap of a moment, her hands find your waist without another thought, gripping onto you like she needs something to hold onto, to hold her to the moment, and her eyes lock with yours.
“you’re serious? you’re gonna tell me you love me for the first time in the fucking locker room?” she asks with a grin threatening to break across her face.
“when am i not serious?”
she lets out a light giggle, before cupping your cheek softly. “all the damn time.” you smile, nat still tense though, the nerves of the moment creeping up her spine.
so you lean in and press a gentle but firm kiss to her cheek.
she exhales slowly as you continue, kissing her collarbone, and then her jaw. her grip on your waist tightens as she reluctantly pulls away.
“don’t start something here,” she mumbles, though there is no real warning in her voice.
you pull back slightly with a frown. “you’re still upset?”
“i’m not upset,” she says, but softer now. “i just…i love you too, and i’m scared that one day, you’ll realize you could do so much better, have so much more.”
you cup her face gently with an urgent shake to your head.
“nat, baby, i’m not going anywhere. i only want to be with you, i only love you. i’d never do that to you. it wouldn’t be possible.”
it seemed as though those words were exactly what nat needed, and the tension finally left her body.
“you better not,” she mutters as you smile and kiss the corner of her mouth, and then her cheek again, then her nose.
she rolls her eyes in feign annoyance. “you’re so annoying.”
“you love it.”
“god, yeah i do.”
it’s as if your heart is growing bigger and bigger in your chest, almost exploding, and you lean in again, resting your forehead onto hers, once again leaving your lips at a short distance from each other.
“stop doing that,” she whispers.
“doing what?”
“everything except actually fucking kissing me.”
you grin softly.
“all you had to do was say it.”
and you close the gap slowly.
you and natalie have kissed before, but this moment, so intimate, so warm and present, the kiss was softer than any kiss you had experienced before. it was careful, like the moment had been so delicate and precious that you couldn’t risk anything else.
she melts into the kiss wholeheartedly, her shoulders slumping as she kisses you back deeper with a burning passion, as if she’s trying to put all of her love into the action, like she’s burning it into your skin.
when you finally pull away, nat just looks at you with a softness you had never noticed before.
“you’re mine,” she whispers.
and it’s not possessive, or demanding, it’s just as if she cannot fathom this situation is real, like she’s confirming that this moment is real life.
you smile softly as you wrap your arms around her affectionately. “yeah.”
and then the door opens, you both jumping apart as if you’d been caught in a crime.
van pokes her head in, the smirk on her face immediate.
“oh, thank god it wasn’t locked,” she says. “thought i left my bag—” she stops in the middle of her sentence, looking between you two, sensing the tension in the room. “woah...i fucking knew it.”
natalie flips her off with an annoyed glance.
van laughs, her bag now on her shoulder and disappears once again.
you rest your bag over your shoulder, trying not to laugh too hard as you stand alongside natalie, your fingers intertwining with hers.
when you glance back at her, she’s watching you with that same blank expression she almost always has, but this time you notice the affection in her gaze, the softness in her eyes.
maybe you were reading that expression wrong for all this time after all.
✧ 𝑓. hi guys… i had a tiny spark of inspiration bc i love sophie thatcher and bc YELLOWJACKETS S4 IS FINALLY IN PRODUCTION !!! this was kinda cheesy to write but i wanted to write something you would see in some cringey highschool movie 😭😭 i personally think i did a good job lol… ok idk when i’m gonna be active again bc school is beating my ass but see u guys soon </3
𓂃ㅤ 𝓉𝖺𝗀𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍 ୨୧ @lcvealwayss @viennasolace @love4madii @keilahhhsstuff ♡ thank you so much for joining !
She blows a puff of smoke into the air, soft sighs leaving her lips before she gazes down "Look at me" she pulls your head back hand tightly gripping your hair. Your glassy eyes peer up meeting hers, "you're such a good girl, my good slut aren't you." You eagerly nod trembling on your knees aching to please. She smirks down before stuffing your face back into her pussy.
can u please write a blurb where classes just started and while the yj are doing football practice and lottie notices you, her friend, that is now a part of the cheerleading team??? poor lot can’t help but get hard from the splendid view. so, she runs to the changing rooms and r goes to check her out… only to find her getting off and mumbling your name
Decided to write in Lottie’s POV bc it came easier to me (sorry if isn’t what you perfectly wanted 😭😭😭):
You had been best friends since the 7th grade, Lottie was known for being alone and not having any friends. She fell in love with you the minute you sat down next to her in science class. Slowly her infatuation grew into something more intense. She thought about you all the time and it got worse with age, you both started growing into your bodies and she couldn’t help but notice.
Lottie had been practicing what felt like hours now, mindlessly juggling the ball when she heard a familiar laugh, you pranced towards the field glad in your cheer uniform. Lottie’s jaw dropped ‘This is new’ she thought, her mind immediately went to the deep end when she really took in what you were wearing. The outfit itself looked tight on you and suited you so well. Your curves made her mouth water. She snapped out of it when Van called out her name “Lottie focus!” She sped off shaking her head, she was so fucked.
It had been another hour and she couldn’t keep her eyes off of you, she kept meeting your eye, ‘hey Lots,’ you mouthed winking and waving your hands. The final straw was seeing you leap in the air, catching a perfect view of your underwear.
Lottie’s felt her cheeks redden her legs feeling weak, “I need to use the bathroom.” She yelled, the girls protested but Lottie sprinted away ignoring them, too flustered to care. What she didn’t see was how your face dropped a frown gracing your lips, wondering if you did anything wrong to make her leave so suddenly.
Couldn’t take it anymore she slipped her hand into her underwear a moan ripping through her throat while running her fingers through her wet folds. Images of you flipped through her mind, you straddling her as you slowly stripped off your cheer uniform, her hands roaming over your thighs and in between your legs, sweet kisses moving up your throat and meeting your lips. She groaned again much louder “fuck y/n I need you,” she whimpered her left hand moving up under her shirt caressing her breast.
Lottie didn’t hear the locker room door open or your footsteps walking in front of her occupied bathroom stall. Your name left her lips once more as she was just about to finish when she heard you, “Lots? Are you ok?” you whispered, her hand clamped over her mouth Lottie didn’t have time to compose herself before you opened the stall door.
I might make a part 2 in y/n’s POV when I’m done with my requests.
