I know it sounds insane to say this but I haven't exactly written something like this in a long time. Usually summer brings in a time of reflection for me.
For the longest time my idea of a perfect guy was pinned down wrong. I realize that now. I'm so sassy and I can be intense. I'm defensive, nurturing, passionate... I'm fired up about something usually...
And then I thought I wanted someone as intense as me. I wanted someone on fire for the world like I am. Feisty, saucy... that's what I thought I always wanted. What I thought I needed in order to keep going. I thought I wouldn't be happy unless someone was as passionate as I was.
But from experience, that's so wrong. Half the time I'm not attracted to overly loud people and the other half, they're way too feisty and I get way too feisty and arguments just happen and I walk away.
And so I think back to my most successful relationship. I had always shined the light down on different reasons for why that was so perfect, but another huge part of it I noticed was how relaxed he always was about anything. The only time I saw him get worked up is if it were things that were not good for me or him. Otherwise, he didn't really care in the best way possible.
Reading my new favorite series, I realize and honestly fell in love with that fictional character. Not in a creepy way, but that's generally what I have my sights set on. He wants nothing but her, it's so obvious, but he's also strong, not afraid to speak up, relaxed, forgiving, and ultimately unfailingly loving her with everything he has. Even after his memory is severely damaged, he still doesn't forget in the end his feelings for her. I wish guys like this existed, but they don't. I accept that fact honestly, but something to the likes of this is what I want now.