#yigavali

[asktheritochampion]

Uh huh, and what does LINK think of you joining the Yiga Clan young man??

I havn't seen him since my forced membership started - since of course, I'd have to kill the fool if I did - as my contract states. He's probably sneaking around in the wee hours of nightfall when we Rito have poor night vision - so I'd have no way of knowing it was him even if we did run into one another.

However, I'm certain that if he saw me in this scandelous uniform he'd just quiver in fear.

[asktheritochampion]

FIRED. FIRED FROM THE YIGA. GET OUT!

You're dismissing me? Who could have possibly forseen this coming? I was such a dedicated and excelent member.

Oh well, back to the Village I go. I'll just tear up that contract shall I?

You don't mind if I set off a few flares for my dear friend Urbosa before I go, right?

[asktheritochampion]

Your first task as one of us: FIND AND KILL YOUR BOYFRIEND, THE HERO LINK! MWAHAHAHAHA

Uh, no. That sounds like grunt work.

Do you have any idea who I am? I am the Rito Champion; I don't do low-level scoundral work.

Besides, I'm very busy at the moment. This secret base is utterly unusable. I tried to wash the sweat off of this blasted uniform using your bizaare 'washing machinery' - turns out you're not suposed to add bleach. How was I suposed to know that? Fortunatly it means that everyones ugly uniforms have turned rather a bright shade of pink and purple rather than the usual red and black- it's a major improvement if I do say so myself.

And since this whole building is so hidiuously drab, I figured I'd redecorate to match the new aesthetic. I can't possibly get any real work done staying in such a dark, dusty space like this, it's utterly miserably. A touch of glittery paint should do the job of opening up the space a bit. I even found one that glows in the dark - that'll make it more accessable to we Rito.

Oh and further more, the food here is repulsive. Everything the chef prepared was banana based; I can't stand the things. I took the liberty of freeing everyone from the vile slop by cancelling all of your banana orders and replacing them with an order for apples instead - the superior fruit. About ten thousand of them should arrive by tomorrow morning.

You're welcome, by the way.

[asktheritochampion]

Now that you're a Yiga, are you going to get to keep your Great Eagle Bow, or are you going to have to use a Duplex Bow as long as you're a Yiga?

Oh, I left the Great Eagle bow with Teba - it simply wouldn't be appropriate for a Yiga to wield it.

Unfortunatly, it seems their choice of the Duplex bow are simply too flimsy for my riggorous training reigeme. They aren't built for my caliber of archery prowess.

I've broken nearly 600 of them just this morning. Terrible shame, they're nearly all out. Thank goodness they have me to assist with quality control. I supose they'll have to make do with their melee weapons.

[asktheritochampion]

Pops out of the ground in a puddle of gloom that just… appears, a large bag on both arms and a basket held with both wing-hands… and a large wrapped package tied to his back?? Overkill much. Buuut at least the gloom disappeared basically right after.

“REVERED CHAMPION OF WINDS, MASTER OF THE GALE, AND PILOT OF DIVINE BEAST! IT IS WITH THE GREATEST OF HONOURS- and uhm, barely held in squeals sorry- THAT I, BALALI, LEFT HAND MAN OF MASTER KOHGA, DO EXTEND THIS MOST SACRED, CELEBRATORY, AND SLIGHTLY HARD ON MY SPINE WELCOME! HIIIiiiIiiIiIii!!!” 

She gently put everything down before bowing with a flourish- their feathers basically puffing right up excitedly now that he didn’t feel he had to be so… Formal? Anymore. Which she didn’t in the first place.

“EEEEEEEE!! Okay okay okay- *INHALE* okay- do you KNOW how long I have WAITED for this? Since I was like… Seven! SEVEN! I used to pose in front of puddles- we don’t really have mirrors out in Hebra- flapping my wings like that one painting I saw in the village once! Y’know, the one in the village memorial, where you’re doing REVALI’S GALE! The wind’s all WOOSH SWOOSH right behind you! Uhm, never figured out how to do it myself, broke a leg once trying, lots of bruises! But I doubt I’d be as good at wind magic as I am today if you didn’t inspire me! GASP! Could you teach me? I can teach you how to become immune to gloom!- fine if not of course-“

grabs the basket- wicker, with an embroidered blue and silver ribbon tied in a bow around a white silk (help I forgot the word, cloth?) to keep the goodies inside from falling out in transit. Untying it after placing it in front Revali so that its contents were visible.

“Okay I mayyyy have went a TINYYY bit overboard but uhh, like, look! I made this banana bread myself with some of the last bananas not at the farm because well, yeah, and I added SEVEN spices, none of the others- well the gorons can but they prefer their rock roasts- can stand it because I swear non Rito have no spice tolerance but its SUPER tasty! I tend to make cakes for birthdays here, and bake a lot so uhm, only felt fair-. Bet you have a higher spice tolerance then any Rjto EVER though, Champion and all!”

Said basket also contained a bottle of a vintage berry wine that had been aging since before the calamity, a jar of honey, a large bag of honey roasted chickadoo nuts, an apple pie because welp there’s a lot of apples now, a black leather bound journal with gold inlay on the front declaring ‘Property of Champion Revali- Do NOT open’ (even locked with a key inside the basket), a comb made of bone and obsidian with a small ruby inlaid to keep it slightly warm, a bundle of incense sticks, and a pair of vaguely sparkly black sunglasses.

“Oh and those! Put that fun crinkly paper in the bags so it's a surprise when you open them!”

…

“I mean! Can you BELIEVE it? You’re HERE, in the FLESH! Not only that but you’re contractually bound to be my clanmate- which is kind of messed up I don’t remember us ever doing that must be new- and possibly we’ll become the best of besties EVERER! Which is basically a dream come true! Even if you were uhm, tricked I suppose but uh, semantics! I can at least try to make it enjoyable for you right?”

…

“But really! Truly! Welcome! I know it isn’t what you planned, but it’s not so bad when you get used to it, in fact we have the most advanced therapists in the kingdom- perhaps the world, and everyone’s like concerningly accepting of my identity and whatnot which is cool! Yeah-”

(Other packages contents lol:)

((Bag One: Custom made fancy silk robe with detachable hood and cape- like the formal kind not the bath kind lmao- lots of glimmering threads, beads, feathers, gems, the works. Three jars of spices from the sky islands, one (sundelions) is glowing don’t question it, labeled though. A letter of formal welcome signed by a LOT of people, closed with red wax first ofc. And a terrarium already fully set up, a deep firefly inside.))

((Bag Two: Bunch of survival supplies basically, except it includes talon polish and stuff obv.))

((Mysterious package woagh: A custom made bow that totally wasn’t reverse engineered from the great eagle bow. Just uh, imagine the great eagle bow, but its base is from wood from the depths, glows faintly when it's dark as a result. Has some feathers and gems hanging off it for decor. But wuhoh, whats that? Semi reversed engineered zonai tech! One button emits a laser when pressed, for when you're too close up for a bow to work right, another unfolds a small mirror from it to check if anyone’s sneaking up on you (or just if you need to check your face), and the third when activated lets out a jet of wind when the bow is fully drawn. All can be disabled by pressing again. And a matching quiver ofc // A bunch of bundles of arrows also reverse sorta engineered from said tech! Timebomb based: basically bomb arrows but delayed ofc. Rocket based: whoever gets hit gets thrown in the air, nooot that fun for non rito lol. Homing Cart based: Homing-. Light based: Just emits a lot of light where it hits- either can be used when its dark for extra light orrrr, make someone in an ambush lose all of their advantage at night? Hydrant based: explosion of water lol, could be used in tandem or before a lightning arrow?))

(( @yigabalali ))

...Well....this is....certainly a lot of gifts. Thank you, I supose. It's nice to know I inspired someone....into joining the Yiga clan........that's....certainly something....

I might pass on the banana bread if you don't mind, I'm terribly alergic to- I mean, I find those things terribly distasteful. Perhaps you could hold onto that one. Still I appreicte the baking endevours.

Well now....who am I to disapoint a fan? I supose I shall allow you to show me these 'gloom resistance' techniques of yours. In exchange I shall consider thinking about begining to show you to master the art of the winds - only if I find you worthy, of course.

Before we do that, why don't you give me a grand tour of this secret base and all of it's most high ranking areas - since you're Mr Righthand man himself? A great honour to you to guide someone as incredible as me, I'm certain. As the one and only Rito Champion himself, of course I shall be stepping into a management position immediatly, so I'll have to know all of the passwords, access keys, and most well kept battle plans. How else could I possibly thrive in leading the Yiga to a new era of greatness?

Say, while we do that, why don't you tell me a little more about why you decided to join an evil terrorist assassins organisation in the first place ? You know - since I know why I joined, but it would be interesting to understand why any other proud Rito by their own will would decide to betray their own people by turning to such extremist activity? Purly out of....evil curiosity.

[asktheritochampion]

To Revali, I know a way to the unfaithful contract of yours, come to the Kokori woods, and find me there, I'll burn the contract, but there is something I want in return...

...Well this is certainly an obvious trap - but be dammed if I'm not curious enough to go anyway.