Hate Game | PJM + MYG - Chapter 9
⇢ No ill intentioned
Synopsis:
Onus
/ˈəʊnəs/
noun something that is one's duty or responsibility.
__________
Jimin loses his brother. His father loses his first born son, the heir of his company, leaving it up to Jimin to keep his father´s company in the Park family. Jimin would never have pictured himself marrying out of duty. However, Mr. Min, who only married Jimin so he could take over the company, isn´t exactly how Jimin pictured. Now, all he wants is to make Yoongi regret his decision to marry for money.
Pairing: Park Jimin x Min Yoongi | Kim Seokjin x Kim Namjoon
Genres: Marriage out of duty | Angst | Emotional Hurt
Word Count: 2,7K
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Jimin wakes in the middle of night. Or, he isn´t sure if it's in the middle of night. He was sleeping, but now he isn´t, the vibrations from his phone slowly draws him from his sleep. He looks, the number not saved. He pushes the volume button, silencing the call, and goes back to sleep. Before he can fall back asleep, it rings again. It's the same number, and a surge of panic enters him as he sits up in bed, answering the call. Not again, he chants in his head. Please no, no, no, no.
"Park Jimin speaking," he says, voice clear despite him just haven woken up.
It's a woman speaking, and he isn´t sure what she said her name was or which hospital she said she's calling from, because his head is spinning. No. Please don't be dad. Don't be dad. Not yet. He repeats the words in his mind like mantra. Like he needs to think it to survive. He can't lose his dad too. Not yet. Not ever, but certainly not so quickly after Ji. He certainly wouldn't be able to survive that. The woman goes on. "I'm calling about a Park Yoongi? He said you're his husband?"
Relief floods his body instantly. They aren't calling about his dad. His dad is fine, it's only Yoongi. His husband. Jimin wants to deny that Yoongi is his husband, but knows he shouldn't. Emotionally, Yoongi is nothing more than… Well, nothing to Jimin. Legally, however, Yoongi is his husband. "Yes," Jimin says, mustering up the energy to pretend to care now that the urgency of the situation is over. Now that he feels the relief crushing over him.
He's been here before, but that time it was Ji. Jimin can feel the effects of this callback on his body and, even though the relief, he is shaking and his thoughts won't clear up. He reminds himself that this isn´t Ji, but Yoongi, which doesn't matters as much in comparison. At all, actually. A though occurs to Jimin: Yoongi´s real boyfriend should be the one they contacted, not the guy he married for money. Why didn't Yoongi give them his number? "Did something happen?" He asks, trying his best to sound interested.
"Ah, your husband is fine. He fainted and hit his head, which is why we want to keep him for observation over night. If you want to come see him, we will allow you to come now."
Jimin doesn't feel the need to go, knowing Yoongi would probably prefer for his tattoo-boyfriend to come instead. And chances are, he already called him. Chances are, tattoo-boyfriend, who he now has learned is named Jungkook, is already on his way to Yoongi. The last thing Jimin wants is to be embarrassed when he enters the hospital room with a nurse, finding his husband cuddled up with someone else.
"It's not a great time right now. I don't know if I can, eh, find the time. But, huh," Jimin clears his throat, "tell him to text me if he needs something from our apartment and I'll bring it with me tomorrow."
"Of course." She pauses, giving Jimin time to ask any questions he might have. "Have a good rest of your night, Jimin."
"You too. And," Jimin says, forcing himself to say the next words. To pretend to be the husband he could be if... "Take care of my husband."
"Of course we will!"
They hang up.
For the rest of the night, Jimin can't seem to fall back to sleep, thinking back to that awful Saturday morning when his dad called him. When he walked into the hospital too late. The feelings he felt that morning have returned, and Jimin wonders what happened to him that morning, because he can't seem to shake the feeling of being tired and angry and sad all the time. Although these feelings aren´t the exact same as they were three months ago, they are still present, always just there. Only now, they can't seem to surface. Jimin thinks it was better when he could have an outburst and get some of it out, but lately, he doesn't have the energy to cry or to argue or to do anything, these feelings are always just… there, simmering in the background. Building and poisoning everything.
He can't remember the last time he slept properly, because every time he falls asleep, Ji is there, haunting him. Some nights they are good dreams, some nights they are nightmares, but he always wakes up mourning after the dream. He wonders if he should go to therapy, but then again, he isn´t actually feeling all that much anymore, which means there aren't actually any feelings to deal with. Whatever, he doesn't know, and he doesn't care. Nothing matters, and nothing has mattered since that Saturday. Laying in bed, he can't sleep, but it doesn't matter because Ji isn´t here. Hoseok isn´t here. And he wonders if the old Jimin is gone for good, too.
Jimin has figured it out. He has these moments where everything seems so good to him, where things are bright and light and normal, which occurs most often when he's with Taehyung or at work. And then, he has these moments where he's on autopilot, like when he married Yoongi. That whole month was him managing and trying to get though it. And then, he has moments where he feels and thinks, like last night. These are the times when things are heavy and he feels hopeless about the world and himself and his life. The realization that these waves happens has given him a little perspective. Things matters, he knows that, but not all the time. Not when he feels every bit of pain after Ji´s passing pulsating thought him. Things doesn't need to matter at that moment.
Right now, he thinks he's on autopilot because he's entering the same door he did that Saturday, but he can´t be sure he's on autopilot, because he feels anxious and angry and sad. Anxious because he's walking though hallways that look the exact same as they did that morning. And he's sad because he's asking for the same last name he did that day. And he's mad, because this time, it isn´t Ji, it's Yoongi. And Yoongi is fine. Yoongi isn´t dead like Jimin´s brother, but he's just fine. And it's unfair.
Walking up to the door, he hears familiar voices. He doesn't know why he stops, but he finds himself listening in instead of walking though the door.
"- for you, you know? It's coming up two years," tattoo-boyfriend says. Jimin knows it's him because he can't count how many times he's heard his voice though the door.
"Yeah," Yoongi says, sounding tired.
"How-" Jungkook starts, but is interrupted by Yoongi.
"Don´t," he bites back.
"Yoon -"
Once again, Yoongi interrupts him, which is the first time Jimin has heard him being harsh toward Jungkook. "I'm fine, so we don't have to do this."
"Yoongi, you're laying in a hospital bed," tattoo-boyfriend argues back.
"Well, my life doesn't stop because he isn´t here anymore or because I miss him." Jimin remembers when Yoongi said those words to him. He had taken offense then, thinking Yoongi meant it as a clap-back or as an insult. Turns out, Yoongi goes by those words himself. He actually believes them. "It has to go on."
"You have to take care of yourself, though, and not only other people. I know you want to -"
Jungkook can't seem to finish a sentence without Yoongi interrupting him. "Listen, I remember how things were in those early months. He's trying to survive. I'm trying to do the same, but I've started to heal. I can't let Jim -"
This time, Jungkook is the one interrupting, sounding mad. "Oh fuck off! You can't take care of anyone if you can't take care of yourself." His voice softens. "If you're not alive. Remember what he said before he passed. He didn't want you to do this to yourself. And I know you only want to help that poor guy, but he clearly doesn't want your help, the way he's treating you. I think…" he hesitates then.
"What? I should rip the contract in two and kick him out?"
"Yeah. Basically."
"You can't be for real?"
"Think about it. You're working your ass off, working to the brink of exhaustion, then you come home, only to be met with hostility. It's not good for your mental health, and clearly not for your physical health, either."
"He isn´t that bad. I was worse," Yoongi says, clearly joking now.
"Yeah, but not to strangers. To me. To your dad. To him. But never to people who didn't deserve it, you know?"
"I deserve it, plenty."
"This wasn't my point," Jungkook says, clearly exasperated. "My point is, you should still give yourself some space and time to heal. To grief. Actually, you should get yourself out of this situation. They can find a new asslicker like yourself to run the company, and you can find yourself a new ass to lick."
Yoongi erupts in laughter, clearly enjoying Jungkoook´s humor.
Jimin doesn't know when he understood they are talking about him, but once the realization hits, he turns around and is about to walk away when he walks straight into a nurse.
"Sorry," the nurse says loudly, drawing attention as he straightens up Jimin before he walks away. And Jimin doesn't have a choice but to turn around, because Jungkook is standing in the doorway, smiling politely at Jimin with his eyes wide and curious. Without a word, Jimin hands him the food Yoongi asked him to bring and walks out of the hospital as quickly as he can.
Jimin spends the rest of his Saturday not thinking about the conversation he overheard. He cleans the apartment, he eats lunch with Taehyung - Jimin has to kick him out when he doesn't stop asking Jimin what is wrong - and he visits Ji´s grave, laying down flowers and the new angel he bought at the fair. Once dark settles, he makes himself dinner, lights some candles and puts on a movie. Halfway through the movie, Yoongi messages him.
Warning. On my way home.
Jimin sighs, ignores the message and hyper focuses on the movie, because that's much more enjoyable that thinking about that conversation and what it might mean. To Jimin, it doesn't mean anything, because Yoongi has still been a total ass to him. Still been rude and not cared about his feelings. He said it himself, he deserves everything he's gotten from Jimin. Even if he defended him and even if some of his ill words to Jimin might have been intended as kind advice, he definitely deserves all the anger.
Yeah, Jimin is not thinking about it and he definitely still hates Yoongi.
He hears the door opening. He hears Yoongi walking in. He hears the front door closing and Yoongi kicking off his shoes. Yoongi walking into his bedroom without hesitation, closing his door after him. And Jimin wants to call after him that he shouldn't close the door by slamming it shut, but puts his focus back on the move. Five minutes later Yoongi reappears in sweats, and much to Jimin´s surprise, he picks up the blanket, settles himself next to Jimin and cuddles up.
They watch the movie with a weird tension in the air. Jimin wonders what the conversation was about. He wonders if Yoongi knows he heard. He wonders if Yoongi knows that he knows that he heard. And in the middle of all this wondering, he's still so unreliably angry at Yoongi for settling himself beside Jimin, ruining his peace. For coming into his life the way he did. The movies ends, yet none of them move, an indescribable bubble of something unsaid surrounding them. Jimin wants to ask, but he's too mad. He wants Yoongi to ask, but Jimin knows he wouldn't answer, he's too mad. The next movie in the series starts to play, and Yoongi settles even further down on the couch, clearly calm and relaxed.
Jimin doesn't dare look at Yoongi, only watches the movie unfold on the screen. Tries to get the same peace Yoongi is currently feeling, but there is no chance. He huffs, and he puffs, but this time, Yoongi keeps quiet. Let's him get it all out. Or, he's too focused on the movie to even notice. Who knows. Probably the latter, knowing Yoongi.
It's somewhere in the middle of the movie when Yoongi clears his throat.
"Thanks for coming to visit me, and thanks for bringing food." Jimin wants to bark back that he didn't need Jimin to bring him food, wants to point out that he could have asked Jungkook, but bites his tongue. "And… I tried to stop them from calling you in the middle of the night. They…" he doesn't finish.
Jimin turns to Yoongi then, sitting up on his knees. Yoongi is staring at him, eyes wide and mouth slightly opened, and Jimin curses him in his mind. Why did you survive, huh? Why you and not him?
"Yeah, you tried? Was it hard telling them that you married a man you don't know or care about for money. Was it hard telling them that said husband doesn't care if you're in the hospital? Was it hard telling them that I'm not the one they should be calling, but Jungkook, your boyfriend. Was it hard, huh?"
"I -" Yoongi cuts himself off, looking stunned. "You-"
"I- You-" Jimin mocks. "Huh," he snickers.
"Firstly, Jungkook is not my boyfriend. Secondly, yes, I tried. It all happened so fast, one second they're asking who I'm married to, because it's very obvious that I'm married," he holds up his hand with his wedding band on. "And then I tried to tell them that I should call you myself, but they insisted that I rest." There is a second where Jimin sits back down and Yoongi sits up straight. "I hope you didn't react too badly when they called."
"As I said, I don't care that you were at the hospital," Jimin bites back, rolling his eyes.
"No, not me… The…" Yoongi closes his eyes in frustration, and when he opens them again, he is calm again. He looks at Jimin with kind eyes, eyes that Jimin has never seen before. "When they called… It was in the middle of the night and the hospital called. I tried telling them I should be the one calling you, Jimin, I did. They wouldn't listen."
"You… You did?" Jimin asks incredibly. Because he did react badly, all those feelings and thoughts from that morning came right back to him. He was in panic when he picked up. Yet, he finds it hard to grasp what Yoongi is really saying.
"What? You can't honestly think I'm so horrible that I want to trigger your trauma." Jimin doesn't answer, because yes, he does. Or he did? He doesn't know. "You do, don't you?"
"You are horrible, so why wouldn't you do that? You have no regards for my emotions, and you just do whatever the fuck you want."
"Are you serious right now?" Yoongi asks, voice cold.
"Kick me out like you boyfriend suggested th-"
Yoongi interrupts Jimin, voice loud. "He's not my fucking boyfriend!" Like Yoongi always does, he calms and speaks again. It's starting to get on Jimin´s nerves, because he can't seem to calm down, and he can´t think straight like this. "And yeah, maybe I should kick you out but I won't. I'm going to be here so you have at least on way you can get your anger out." Jimin doesn't answer, only fumes. Falters a little, because now he's confused. Really confused, but so, so, so angry. "What you're going thought has nothing to do with me, and -"
"It has everything to do with you!"
"Right," Yoongi says slowly, trying to prepare himself for Jimin´s next move.
"You fucking survived, and he fucking died. It has everything to with you." Jimin stands up and walks away.
"Take it out on me all you want, Jimin," Yoongi calls after him, calmer that Jimin has ever been. "It will get better, and then I'll still be here!" Jimin slams his door shut, the tears of frustration already falling.
Yes, he definitely… or he thinks… no, maybe he doesn't hate Yoongi as much anymore. Something in Jimin rises, because he knows admitting he was wrong is even worse than continuing to hate Yoongi, so yes, he still hates Yoongi.
