noun something that is one's duty or responsibility.
__________
Jimin loses his brother. His father loses his first born son, the heir of his company, leaving it up to Jimin to keep his father´s company in the Park family. Jimin would never have pictured himself marrying out of duty. However, Mr. Min, who only married Jimin so he could take over the company, isn´t exactly how Jimin pictured. Now, all he wants is to make Yoongi regret his decision to marry for money.
Pairing: Park Jimin x Min Yoongi | Kim Seokjin x Kim Namjoon
Genres: Marriage out of duty | Angst | Emotional Hurt
Word Count: 2,7K
Read on Ao3
Jimin wakes in the middle of night. Or, he isn´t sure if it's in the middle of night. He was sleeping, but now he isn´t, the vibrations from his phone slowly draws him from his sleep. He looks, the number not saved. He pushes the volume button, silencing the call, and goes back to sleep. Before he can fall back asleep, it rings again. It's the same number, and a surge of panic enters him as he sits up in bed, answering the call. Not again, he chants in his head. Please no, no, no, no.
"Park Jimin speaking," he says, voice clear despite him just haven woken up.
It's a woman speaking, and he isn´t sure what she said her name was or which hospital she said she's calling from, because his head is spinning. No. Please don't be dad. Don't be dad. Not yet. He repeats the words in his mind like mantra. Like he needs to think it to survive. He can't lose his dad too. Not yet. Not ever, but certainly not so quickly after Ji. He certainly wouldn't be able to survive that. The woman goes on. "I'm calling about a Park Yoongi? He said you're his husband?"
Relief floods his body instantly. They aren't calling about his dad. His dad is fine, it's only Yoongi. His husband. Jimin wants to deny that Yoongi is his husband, but knows he shouldn't. Emotionally, Yoongi is nothing more than… Well, nothing to Jimin. Legally, however, Yoongi is his husband. "Yes," Jimin says, mustering up the energy to pretend to care now that the urgency of the situation is over. Now that he feels the relief crushing over him.
He's been here before, but that time it was Ji. Jimin can feel the effects of this callback on his body and, even though the relief, he is shaking and his thoughts won't clear up. He reminds himself that this isn´t Ji, but Yoongi, which doesn't matters as much in comparison. At all, actually. A though occurs to Jimin: Yoongi´s real boyfriend should be the one they contacted, not the guy he married for money. Why didn't Yoongi give them his number? "Did something happen?" He asks, trying his best to sound interested.
"Ah, your husband is fine. He fainted and hit his head, which is why we want to keep him for observation over night. If you want to come see him, we will allow you to come now."
Jimin doesn't feel the need to go, knowing Yoongi would probably prefer for his tattoo-boyfriend to come instead. And chances are, he already called him. Chances are, tattoo-boyfriend, who he now has learned is named Jungkook, is already on his way to Yoongi. The last thing Jimin wants is to be embarrassed when he enters the hospital room with a nurse, finding his husband cuddled up with someone else.
"It's not a great time right now. I don't know if I can, eh, find the time. But, huh," Jimin clears his throat, "tell him to text me if he needs something from our apartment and I'll bring it with me tomorrow."
"Of course." She pauses, giving Jimin time to ask any questions he might have. "Have a good rest of your night, Jimin."
"You too. And," Jimin says, forcing himself to say the next words. To pretend to be the husband he could be if... "Take care of my husband."
"Of course we will!"
They hang up.
For the rest of the night, Jimin can't seem to fall back to sleep, thinking back to that awful Saturday morning when his dad called him. When he walked into the hospital too late. The feelings he felt that morning have returned, and Jimin wonders what happened to him that morning, because he can't seem to shake the feeling of being tired and angry and sad all the time. Although these feelings aren´t the exact same as they were three months ago, they are still present, always just there. Only now, they can't seem to surface. Jimin thinks it was better when he could have an outburst and get some of it out, but lately, he doesn't have the energy to cry or to argue or to do anything, these feelings are always just… there, simmering in the background. Building and poisoning everything.
He can't remember the last time he slept properly, because every time he falls asleep, Ji is there, haunting him. Some nights they are good dreams, some nights they are nightmares, but he always wakes up mourning after the dream. He wonders if he should go to therapy, but then again, he isn´t actually feeling all that much anymore, which means there aren't actually any feelings to deal with. Whatever, he doesn't know, and he doesn't care. Nothing matters, and nothing has mattered since that Saturday. Laying in bed, he can't sleep, but it doesn't matter because Ji isn´t here. Hoseok isn´t here. And he wonders if the old Jimin is gone for good, too.
Jimin has figured it out. He has these moments where everything seems so good to him, where things are bright and light and normal, which occurs most often when he's with Taehyung or at work. And then, he has these moments where he's on autopilot, like when he married Yoongi. That whole month was him managing and trying to get though it. And then, he has moments where he feels and thinks, like last night. These are the times when things are heavy and he feels hopeless about the world and himself and his life. The realization that these waves happens has given him a little perspective. Things matters, he knows that, but not all the time. Not when he feels every bit of pain after Ji´s passing pulsating thought him. Things doesn't need to matter at that moment.
Right now, he thinks he's on autopilot because he's entering the same door he did that Saturday, but he can´t be sure he's on autopilot, because he feels anxious and angry and sad. Anxious because he's walking though hallways that look the exact same as they did that morning. And he's sad because he's asking for the same last name he did that day. And he's mad, because this time, it isn´t Ji, it's Yoongi. And Yoongi is fine. Yoongi isn´t dead like Jimin´s brother, but he's just fine. And it's unfair.
Walking up to the door, he hears familiar voices. He doesn't know why he stops, but he finds himself listening in instead of walking though the door.
"- for you, you know? It's coming up two years," tattoo-boyfriend says. Jimin knows it's him because he can't count how many times he's heard his voice though the door.
"Yeah," Yoongi says, sounding tired.
"How-" Jungkook starts, but is interrupted by Yoongi.
"Don´t," he bites back.
"Yoon -"
Once again, Yoongi interrupts him, which is the first time Jimin has heard him being harsh toward Jungkook. "I'm fine, so we don't have to do this."
"Yoongi, you're laying in a hospital bed," tattoo-boyfriend argues back.
"Well, my life doesn't stop because he isn´t here anymore or because I miss him." Jimin remembers when Yoongi said those words to him. He had taken offense then, thinking Yoongi meant it as a clap-back or as an insult. Turns out, Yoongi goes by those words himself. He actually believes them. "It has to go on."
"You have to take care of yourself, though, and not only other people. I know you want to -"
Jungkook can't seem to finish a sentence without Yoongi interrupting him. "Listen, I remember how things were in those early months. He's trying to survive. I'm trying to do the same, but I've started to heal. I can't let Jim -"
This time, Jungkook is the one interrupting, sounding mad. "Oh fuck off! You can't take care of anyone if you can't take care of yourself." His voice softens. "If you're not alive. Remember what he said before he passed. He didn't want you to do this to yourself. And I know you only want to help that poor guy, but he clearly doesn't want your help, the way he's treating you. I think…" he hesitates then.
"What? I should rip the contract in two and kick him out?"
"Yeah. Basically."
"You can't be for real?"
"Think about it. You're working your ass off, working to the brink of exhaustion, then you come home, only to be met with hostility. It's not good for your mental health, and clearly not for your physical health, either."
"He isn´t that bad. I was worse," Yoongi says, clearly joking now.
"Yeah, but not to strangers. To me. To your dad. To him. But never to people who didn't deserve it, you know?"
"I deserve it, plenty."
"This wasn't my point," Jungkook says, clearly exasperated. "My point is, you should still give yourself some space and time to heal. To grief. Actually, you should get yourself out of this situation. They can find a new asslicker like yourself to run the company, and you can find yourself a new ass to lick."
Yoongi erupts in laughter, clearly enjoying Jungkoook´s humor.
Jimin doesn't know when he understood they are talking about him, but once the realization hits, he turns around and is about to walk away when he walks straight into a nurse.
"Sorry," the nurse says loudly, drawing attention as he straightens up Jimin before he walks away. And Jimin doesn't have a choice but to turn around, because Jungkook is standing in the doorway, smiling politely at Jimin with his eyes wide and curious. Without a word, Jimin hands him the food Yoongi asked him to bring and walks out of the hospital as quickly as he can.
Jimin spends the rest of his Saturday not thinking about the conversation he overheard. He cleans the apartment, he eats lunch with Taehyung - Jimin has to kick him out when he doesn't stop asking Jimin what is wrong - and he visits Ji´s grave, laying down flowers and the new angel he bought at the fair. Once dark settles, he makes himself dinner, lights some candles and puts on a movie. Halfway through the movie, Yoongi messages him.
Warning. On my way home.
Jimin sighs, ignores the message and hyper focuses on the movie, because that's much more enjoyable that thinking about that conversation and what it might mean. To Jimin, it doesn't mean anything, because Yoongi has still been a total ass to him. Still been rude and not cared about his feelings. He said it himself, he deserves everything he's gotten from Jimin. Even if he defended him and even if some of his ill words to Jimin might have been intended as kind advice, he definitely deserves all the anger.
Yeah, Jimin is not thinking about it and he definitely still hates Yoongi.
He hears the door opening. He hears Yoongi walking in. He hears the front door closing and Yoongi kicking off his shoes. Yoongi walking into his bedroom without hesitation, closing his door after him. And Jimin wants to call after him that he shouldn't close the door by slamming it shut, but puts his focus back on the move. Five minutes later Yoongi reappears in sweats, and much to Jimin´s surprise, he picks up the blanket, settles himself next to Jimin and cuddles up.
They watch the movie with a weird tension in the air. Jimin wonders what the conversation was about. He wonders if Yoongi knows he heard. He wonders if Yoongi knows that he knows that he heard. And in the middle of all this wondering, he's still so unreliably angry at Yoongi for settling himself beside Jimin, ruining his peace. For coming into his life the way he did. The movies ends, yet none of them move, an indescribable bubble of something unsaid surrounding them. Jimin wants to ask, but he's too mad. He wants Yoongi to ask, but Jimin knows he wouldn't answer, he's too mad. The next movie in the series starts to play, and Yoongi settles even further down on the couch, clearly calm and relaxed.
Jimin doesn't dare look at Yoongi, only watches the movie unfold on the screen. Tries to get the same peace Yoongi is currently feeling, but there is no chance. He huffs, and he puffs, but this time, Yoongi keeps quiet. Let's him get it all out. Or, he's too focused on the movie to even notice. Who knows. Probably the latter, knowing Yoongi.
It's somewhere in the middle of the movie when Yoongi clears his throat.
"Thanks for coming to visit me, and thanks for bringing food." Jimin wants to bark back that he didn't need Jimin to bring him food, wants to point out that he could have asked Jungkook, but bites his tongue. "And… I tried to stop them from calling you in the middle of the night. They…" he doesn't finish.
Jimin turns to Yoongi then, sitting up on his knees. Yoongi is staring at him, eyes wide and mouth slightly opened, and Jimin curses him in his mind. Why did you survive, huh? Why you and not him?
"Yeah, you tried? Was it hard telling them that you married a man you don't know or care about for money. Was it hard telling them that said husband doesn't care if you're in the hospital? Was it hard telling them that I'm not the one they should be calling, but Jungkook, your boyfriend. Was it hard, huh?"
"I -" Yoongi cuts himself off, looking stunned. "You-"
"I- You-" Jimin mocks. "Huh," he snickers.
"Firstly, Jungkook is not my boyfriend. Secondly, yes, I tried. It all happened so fast, one second they're asking who I'm married to, because it's very obvious that I'm married," he holds up his hand with his wedding band on. "And then I tried to tell them that I should call you myself, but they insisted that I rest." There is a second where Jimin sits back down and Yoongi sits up straight. "I hope you didn't react too badly when they called."
"As I said, I don't care that you were at the hospital," Jimin bites back, rolling his eyes.
"No, not me… The…" Yoongi closes his eyes in frustration, and when he opens them again, he is calm again. He looks at Jimin with kind eyes, eyes that Jimin has never seen before. "When they called… It was in the middle of the night and the hospital called. I tried telling them I should be the one calling you, Jimin, I did. They wouldn't listen."
"You… You did?" Jimin asks incredibly. Because he did react badly, all those feelings and thoughts from that morning came right back to him. He was in panic when he picked up. Yet, he finds it hard to grasp what Yoongi is really saying.
"What? You can't honestly think I'm so horrible that I want to trigger your trauma." Jimin doesn't answer, because yes, he does. Or he did? He doesn't know. "You do, don't you?"
"You are horrible, so why wouldn't you do that? You have no regards for my emotions, and you just do whatever the fuck you want."
"Are you serious right now?" Yoongi asks, voice cold.
"Kick me out like you boyfriend suggested th-"
Yoongi interrupts Jimin, voice loud. "He's not my fucking boyfriend!" Like Yoongi always does, he calms and speaks again. It's starting to get on Jimin´s nerves, because he can't seem to calm down, and he can´t think straight like this. "And yeah, maybe I should kick you out but I won't. I'm going to be here so you have at least on way you can get your anger out." Jimin doesn't answer, only fumes. Falters a little, because now he's confused. Really confused, but so, so, so angry. "What you're going thought has nothing to do with me, and -"
"It has everything to do with you!"
"Right," Yoongi says slowly, trying to prepare himself for Jimin´s next move.
"You fucking survived, and he fucking died. It has everything to with you." Jimin stands up and walks away.
"Take it out on me all you want, Jimin," Yoongi calls after him, calmer that Jimin has ever been. "It will get better, and then I'll still be here!" Jimin slams his door shut, the tears of frustration already falling.
Yes, he definitely… or he thinks… no, maybe he doesn't hate Yoongi as much anymore. Something in Jimin rises, because he knows admitting he was wrong is even worse than continuing to hate Yoongi, so yes, he still hates Yoongi.
noun something that is one's duty or responsibility.
__________
Jimin loses his brother. His father loses his first born son, the heir of his company, leaving it up to Jimin to keep his father´s company in the Park family. Jimin would never have pictured himself marrying out of duty. However, Mr. Min, who only married Jimin so he could take over the company, isn´t exactly how Jimin pictured. Now, all he wants is to make Yoongi regret his decision to marry for money.
Pairing: Park Jimin x Min Yoongi | Kim Seokjin x Kim Namjoon
Genres: Marriage out of duty | Angst | Emotional Hurt
Word Count: 2,9K
Read on Ao3
Jimin slides over the stack of papers to mr. Kim - or Namjoon as he likes to be called - who stacks them into a neat pile and puts them back into the folder. His glasses have been abandoned on the table for the past hour in, Namjoon prioritizing to rub his temple over his eyesight. If Jimin has to guess how he, himself, looks, he would take a calculated guess and say he looks just as worn out and tired as Namjoon seems, if not more.
Jimin looks over at his dad, meeting his gaze with a forced smile while the silence perceivers, awkwardness now taking over the space. What is there to say now that he has signed all the papers they asked him to, what does he say now that he has officially asked for a marriage license and approved Yoongi as the next owner of the company? He turns his gaze down as he struggles to think of something to say, anything to say. He's never been awkward like this with his dad, the words have always just flowed out of him. Now, anything he thinks of seems inappropriate. Watching what he says to his dad stings, and he wonders if he just signed away his relationship with his dad, too.
Namjoon is the first to break the silence. "Alright," he says with slap of his hand against the table. "That was it for now, all that's left now are the papers. Are you nervous? Excited?" Jimin wouldn't use any of those words. Dread and alarm, maybe a little fear, is what he is feeling, yet he nods his head with the best smile he can manage. Namjoon doesn't buy it. "I get it. This isn´t what any of us imagined your marriage would be, but I'm really impressed you're doing all this for the company. You stepped up, and I know Ji would be proud of you."
A sour taste enters Jimin´s mouth, and he can't help but feel the curve of his lips go down. He turns towards his dad, looking down at the table, focusing on the empty coffee mug in front of him. If it was only the two of them, Jimin would ask why this can't wait, and why it has to happed so quickly, and why they can't try to figure out a solution where he doesn't have to marry Yoongi, but they aren't alone and Jimin can feel Namjoon´s presence on him.
With his many years of experience, Namjoon knows to quickly and quietly leave the room.
"Will the papers get processed by the time we need them, anyway?" Jimin´s dad nods his head. When Jimin speaks next, he really tries to be casual, but fails, his voice laced with bitterness that can only come from deep within him. "I just thought it would take longer."
When Jimin looks up, he meets his dad's eyes, and he's smiling carefully.
"I know someone who can help speed it up a little. It's that friend I golf with, you know him." Jimin´s dad says.
"Ah."
"Jimin, are you really sure you want to go through with this?" his dad asks him, to which Jimin nods his his head feverishly. Then, as if he caught himself lying, he stops. He shrugs instead.
"I just… I thought I had at least half a year, you know, to prepare myself and get to know Yoongi and to be alright with all of this, but it's only been a month. Are you sure it can't wait…?"
"Not if this is something you're going to go through with, it shouldn't wait. It's better to get it done and over with, I'm sorry. I know you didn't want this, and you probably feel like I pressured you into it, but I appreciate you doing this. So much. Ever since you were born, I only prayed for you happiness and you success and your fulfillment. I love you -" he is about to say something else, but Jimin can't hold himself back, saying:
"But you love the company more?"
"No! Is that what you think?" He asks, eyes wide.
The guilt is instant. "No, I really don't! I know you love me. But dad…?" Jimin starts to ask, trying to figure out if he should be saying this or not. If he should be transparent with his dad. He has never not been transparent with him before, but then again, he has never felt like his dad might not be doing the right thing for Jimin.. He has never felt that they don't want the same thing before. He has never felt like he is being pressured to do something like this. He has never felt so disconnected from his dad. "I'm having a really hard time right now, and to be honest, I thing Yoongi is a part of that. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing," he says, then adds quickly. "For me, the right thing me."
"And I can't say what is. And I can't tell you what to do. All I can say is, if you really can't do this, I would still love you and I would still be your dad." Jimin still doesn't look up, not really believing his dad's word completely. His voice is too high pitched, not like his normal gruff. There is also something else that he can't quite put his finger on. "Jimin?" At his name, he looks up. "Fuck the company. Really. My legacy is already secured," his dad says, grabbing his hand and squeezing.
Jimin feels it right now, the guilt and the slight shift. This has to be alright. Yoongi and Jimin has to work out because his dad has never asked anything from Jimin, how can he say no now?
Yoongi is waiting for Jimin in the hallway, his suit beige this time. As always, they don't speak, Yoongi just watching as Jimin puts on his shoes. Jimin is wearing a suit as well, and he wonders if Yoongi is staring because he hates the way it looks on him. He wore his favorite suit today, the one that makes him look more feminine than the rest of them, and to be honest, he would love for Yoongi to hate it, it would add to the perks of wearing it.
After their argument in the car last week, Jimin has been even more angry with Yoongi. Every time he hears him, he can feel his anger rising, the words replaying in his mind. You could have fought for Hoseok. "You could still be with him, but you didn't fight or take a stand." Every time he sees him, he wants to get physical. And Jimin has never been the type to get physical, but the urge is slowing becoming too much. "Grow the fuck up!" He wonders if he should shave his eyebrows when he sleeps. Or if he should just cut a hole in all of his suits, but forces himself to rise above the anger. It's becoming increasingly hard.
"Jimin, before we go…" Yoongi speaks, shifting on his feet. Jimin ignores him, walking past him to open the door. "Jimin," Yoongi says again, harsh enough to make Jimin stop and turn to look at him. "The thing is…" Yoongi says, twisting the keys between his fingers, a weird smile on his face. "You see…" he tries again, but can't quite get it out. "Could we be civil today?" he asks finally.
"Sure," Jimin shrugs, turning away again.
"No, I mean it. Could we?" asks Yoongi, and Jimin has to turn around again.
"We´re not at war, Yoongi, we are civil." Jimin points out, knowing this is is as civil as he can get towards Yoongi. Jimin´s words clearly angers Yoongi, his eyes glaring, his nostrils flaring. Yoongi clearly has much more self control than Jimin, and takes a breath before he speaks again.
"I know we aren´t, but please be nice. My mom…"
"And I care about your mom because…?"
"You dont have to care, just be nice, you know? She…"
With a sigh, Jimin asks, "what about you mom?"
"I wouldn't want to worry her, that's all. It would be great if we could pretend things are at fine between us." Jimin wants to say no, but the thing is, he kind of understands. Doing things for ones parents is a responsibility you can´t get out of. Clearly, he things, standing in Yoongi´s - his future husband, whom he doesn't even want to marry - apartment, a backage-deal his dad put together for him. "Please."
"Alright. I'll be nice." It might be a lie.
Yoongi´s mum hugs Jimin when she meets him. Next is his dad, who smiles warmly and grabs his hand to squeeze tightly. Then, Yoongi introduces them and uses the word fiancé for Jimin, and Jimin wants to say something salty about it, but Yoongi´s parents seem so sweet he doesn't want to make them upset. So instead, he nods his head in agreement with the best smile he can manage, which is knows looks fake. Jimin´s dad hugs Yoongi´s mum and grabs Yoongi´s dad's hand, and they all take their seats: Yoongi and Jimin on one side, their parents on the other.
As they eat, they get to know about each other. Yoongi´s parents are very curious and open people, asking anything and everything about Jimin He doesn't mind it one bit, because every time he tells them something about himself, they seem to light up. It isn´t as hard to be nice to Yoongi as he thought. Maybe it's because Yoongi keeps quiet and only speaks when asked a question, which isn´t all that often. Or maybe it's because Jimin tries to ignore his presence all together. Or maybe it's because his parents are so nice, Jimin doesn't want to hurt his sweet little mother´s feelings by being mean to her son.
When dessert is served, the conversation moves to the wedding, much to Jimin´s dismay. This time, it's his time to keep quiet, his dad speaking enough for him. His dad speaks about a wedding with their closest family and friends, a huge dinner with a three layer cake after. He's talking about the wedding rings and the wedding waltz and the wedding gifts. It's too much, but Jimin can't say anything, only listens.
In Jimin´s imagination, they would sign the papers and that would be it. Done. No cake, no guests and finitely no waltz. He imagined it would be purely professional, anything personal excluded. Maybe it isn´t as simple as that? Maybe it has to be bigger? It is his wedding after all…
"Actually, Sir, I don't know if that's what I want," Yoongi says when Jimin´s dad is done, glancing at Jimin. "I imagined a little ceremony, maybe just us, then a nice dinner, maybe some cake. But, for me at least, a huge wedding isn´t…" he tries to come up with a word. "Ideal."
Jimin doesn't know how to act. Does… Does he agree with Yoongi? His instincts are telling him to ask for a huge wedding in spite, just so Yoongi has to sit through something he doesn't want to. But he knows he really doesn't want a huge wedding either. With Hoseok, he would love that. Shout it to the world! But with Yoongi? Whisper it under water so no one can hear.
"I agree," it almost pains him to say it.
"It's up to the two of you. Just tell us what you want, and we'll make it happen," his dad says, sipping his wine. "You should start thinking about the guest list, then."
Jimin wonders who he would want to have with him on the day. He can imagine his emotions gong haywire on the day, and normally he would want either Ji or Taehyung there to calm him. But the thought of having Taehyung there fills him with dread. Imagining his face, all sympathetic and warm like Jimin might break, only makes him more nervous. The thought of Taehyung, who has been there for his relationship with Hoseok, seeing this low point, hurts. Lastly, he's afraid Taehyung might remind him of Hoseok, which is the last thing he needs.
Definitely no Tae.
"I think… Maybe Seokjin could come?" Jimin wonders, and he feels Yoongi stiffen at his name. Yeah, Seokjin is definitely coming.
The days pass way too quickly. Work and Taehyung take up most of Jimin´s days. Lately, Yoongi has started to work later hours, which works great for Jimin, who goes to bed and is asleep when he comes home every single day. He thinks Yoongi comes home late, at least… He doesn't actually hear him coming home most of the time.
A week turns into two, and then suddenly it's dooms day, aka. signing day.
The room is small and conference-like, far from the sumptuous room he had imagined. Everyone are present, Yoongi and Jimin, their parents, Seokjin, Namjoon - his dad insisted his assistant had to be there - and, much to Jimin´s astonishment, Yoongi´s tattoo boyfriend. Well, not everyone are here. It's painfully obvious who's missing, and Jimin thinks that signing away his freedom wouldn't hurt so much if he had his brother here to support him though it. And maybe this wouldn't be so awful he wasn't overly aware of how much comfort his brother would be able to give him. And maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't be shaking like a fragile leaf if his brother wasn't missing out on Jimin´s whole future.
Even though he knew this was coming, Jimin can't get himself to sign the papers. His hands are shaking, and the only though in his mind is how he is signing Hoseok away for good. He's actually getting married, and it's not to Hoseok. Yoongi was right, he should have fought to keep the one person he still had in his life. Deep down he knows he isn´t alone, but it feel like it, sitting here next to Yoongi, who has already signed the papers.
The thing is, even before they started, Jimin was fighting tears, and now it's all hitting him. Ji. Hoseok. His lost future. As he feels Yoongi shifting beside him, he breaks a little. It's only a couple of tears, but they fall heavily onto the desk, just missing the papers. Yoongi hesitates. Then he decides.
"Just breathe," he whispers.
Jimin scoffs, the action forcing him to take a deep breath after. He calms. Takes another breath. His heartrate slows. Another breath. His hand isn´t shaking a much now.
Just do it. Just. Sign. The. Papers.
He signs his name, and the signs it again. And again. After a minute, or five, or an hour, they're done. As they stand up, he expects his dad to be on his first to approach, but it's Seokjin. And Seokjin is wearing his brother´s dressshirt and tie and cologne. Jimin breaks, but Seokjin is there to hold him together. To dry his tears.
It's awkward sobbing like this right after getting married, and he wonders what Yoongi´s parents might be thinking, but Seokjin assures him everything is alright. And that he did good, and Jimin might just believe it.
Then, after the last tear is spilled, his dad approaches, hugging his tightly. He smiles as he hands Yoongi and Jimin a box each. Wedding bands, Jimin is reminded. It's simple and gold and easy to take off. Before he puts it on, Jimin reads the inscription. Park Yoongi, and today's date. He slips it on.
Jimin turns when he hears Seokjin introducing himself to Namjoon, letting the rest of them chat as he joins Seokjin´s conversation.
"Kim Seokjin," he smiles effortlessly.
"Really? Kim Namjoon. Guess none of us would have to change change our last name if we were to get married, then," he winks. And Jimin doesn't know Seokjin enough to know for sure, but guessing by his red ears and open eyes, he doesn't mind the forwardness.
Jimin turns back at the sound of loud laughter, finding Yoongi staring incredibly at the wedding band on his finger, tattoo-boyfriend also watching him with a worried look. Then, Jimin sees how much Yoongi is shaking, too, and wonders if Yoongi skipped his meals today like Jimin did. When Yoongi looks up, their eyes meet. Simultaneously, they let out a deep breath, their eyes wide and eyebrows raised. They keep the eye contact for a few more seconds, and Jimin finds that maybe, after this crazy experience that they both can´t seem to fathom, he doesn't hate Yoongi as much as he did yesterday...
The feeling doesn´t last long, because when Yoongi pulls himself together, Jimin can´t. He stays solemn, unable to smile, the heavy feeling settling back in him, the wedding band sitting heavy on his finger. He wants to be able to pull himself together, too, but it shouldn't be like this. It should have been his wedding with Hoseok, and Ji should be here…
noun something that is one's duty or responsibility.
__________
Jimin loses his brother. His father loses his first born son, the heir of his company, leaving it up to Jimin to keep his father´s company in the Park family. Jimin would never have pictured himself marrying out of duty. However, Mr. Min, who only married Jimin so he could take over the company, isn´t exactly how Jimin pictured. Now, all he wants is to make Yoongi regret his decision to marry for money.
Pairing: Park Jimin x Min Yoongi | Kim Seokjin x Kim Namjoon
Genres: Marriage out of duty | Angst | Emotional Hurt
Word Count: 2,8K
Read on Ao3
It's been three days since his outburst, and Jimin has yet to run into Yoongi. Luckily. It's been the same routine for the last three days: when Jimin wakes up for work, Yoongi has already left, and when Yoongi comes home, Jimin has already gone to bed. The one time he was in the bathroom when Yoongi came home, he hid in there until he was sure Yoongi´s bedroom door was closed. Only then did he dare sneak across the hallway to his room.
This routine - this life - isn´t a happy one, and Jimin wonders how long he can live like this. Eating dinner alone, falling asleep alone - and the heartache it comes with it - and then, of course, the hiding away from Yoongi. He doesn't know for long he can keep this unsustainable life up, but he knows it can't of on for much longer until he has to break. Living isn´t hiding away from your husband-to-be when he comes home, and it isn´t feeling like you're trapped in a no-relationship relationship, in a home you would rather to burn down.
The sound of the door opening would normally send Jimin running to his bedroom, but today he can't be bothered. He's too tired after the awful day he just had, to avoid Yoongi. Jimin hears him approaching the livingroom, but stops once he spots Jimin, frozen for a second. In his peripheral vision, Jimin can see him staring at Jimin, his hand clutched around the white take-away bag. Then, a second later, Yoongi turns around, walking straight into his bedroom without a word. When he comes back, he has changed out of his suit, the take-away bag still in his hand. None of them speak as Yoongi plates his food. Yoongi walks into the livingroom slowly, uncertain, and choses to sit on the chair and not next to Jimin on the couch. The two of them continue to eat in silence, Jimin getting lost in his thoughts.
He wonders what Hoseok is doing, and what the two of them would be eating right now if things didn't change that Saturday a month ago. He wonders what Yoongi and Tattoo-boyfriend would be doing if Jimin wasn't here. He wonders if he would handle his job better if he didn't feel so heavy all the time. He remembers when he first started the job, how he felt like he truly was meant for the job. Then, something fundamental changed in Jimin when his brother died, and now it feels like every part of his life is falling apart all around him, Jimin having lost all his energy and will to do anything about it. He wonders what his brother would be doing right now if the accident didn't take place.
Drying the single tear that fell, he stands up and leaves the plate and fork in the sink, walking toward his room.
"We have to leave in an hour," Yoongi calls after him. As if Jimin could ever forget. Raising his hand, he displays his middle finger, closing the door behind him.
Yoongi turns the blinker on, turning into the parking lot of the cemetery. Almost as if a built in response in Jimin, his stomach drops, his eyes get teary and his throat closes up. It's his first time back after the funeral, and even though he tried his best to prepare himself for this moment, nothing could ever prepare him for this instant reaction that is forcing itself through his body.
Yoongi parks swiftly, silence and tension heavy between them. Jimin can feel his eyes on him, but doesn't want to look back, afraid he will burst into flames with all these emotions. Taking a breath doesn't calm him, neither does closing his eyes. A picture of his brother manifests behind his eyes, a picture of him laying in that casket he was buried in. Jimin can't get it out of his mind, and presses his fingers to his eyes, catching the few tears as they fall.
Time passes too quickly, and Jimin is really trying to force himself to go up to the headstone in the grass, he really is, but a huge part of him doesn't want to go there. Doesn't want to see yet another thing that makes his brothers death real.
It been an inappropriately long time just sitting in the car, and he knows he has to get out. Taking another breath, he unbuckles his seatbelt. He is halfway out of the car when he notices Yoongi sitting there, watching as Jimin gets out, not saying anything.
"Are you not coming?"
"I have to make a phone call. Also, I'm pretty sure this is something you should do as a family. I wouldn't want to impose."
And Jimin wants to argue that he is a part of this family now, that he, too, has to do this. He wants to drag Yoongi with him to this sad and awful thing he has to do. He wants to make Yoongi suffer like he has to. However, when it comes down to it, Jimin really doesn't want Yoongi there with them, so instead he says: "Of course you have to. Everything revolves around that fucking thing."
Yoongi rolls his eyes. "You know, life doesn't stop because your brother died. Business still has to be handled."
And Jimin doesn't want to answer to that, so he slams the door as hard as he can, hoping to break something, anything, of Yoongi´s car.
When he approaches, he notices his dad is there, along with Seokjin and Jimin´s aunt. They all give him a hug when he approaches. Even Seokjin gives him one, patting his back as he squeezes his shoulder. The first thing Jimin sees when he turns around is the pile of soil in front of the tombstone, almost covering the stone marking his brother's resting place. Then he sees the writing on the stone.
Park Ji
Best of sons and brothers.
Taken too soon.
He doesn't get to the birth- and death date before the tears cloud his vision. He doesn't know how he is still standing, but he suspects it's Seokjin´s hand around his shoulders. None of them speak, Jimin´s tears setting off a ripple effect, all of them in tears now. For a while they all hug and cry on each other's shoulder, muttering questions about how a month has already passed since Ji died. Jimin´s dad hands out roses he brought, which they all lay down on the soil. They don't really speak as they stand there with their head bowed and their hand clasped together.
It´s hard to explain how he feels when standing in front of his bother's grave. It gives Jimin comfort, being in the place his brother is buried, paying respects to him. But at the same time it's incredibly painful, knowing Ji is here but still not with them. He wishes he could go back in time to be with his brother again. He wishes he could go forward in time to skip this part. The torment in him feels excruciating, tearing him in two, and all he can do is try to conjure a type of peace within him, forcing himself to still breathe.
After an hour of staring and crying and hugging, Jimin´s dad excuses himself, giving Jimin a long hug goodbye, and leaves. Soon after, Jimin´s aunt leaves, kissing his temple goodbye. Seokjin doesn't make a move to leave, and Jimin is thankful he doesn't need to be here alone. They stay in silence until Jimin turns to Seokjin, sending him a small smile,
"How are you dealing?" Seokjin asks, stepping forward.
"I´m not," Jimin tries to joke, laughing dryly.
Seokjin smiles slightly.
"Well, however you're doing you can talk to me and guys. We all want to be here for you."
"It's just weird, you know? I didn´t get to met all of you before... and now we have this strange bond and I'm this mess you have to deal with."
"I know it might sound weird, but we all feel a responsibility towards you. Ji loved you so much, and I know he took care of you. Now that he isn´t here to do that anymore, we want to take up that responsibility. Try to fill some of the space he left. It's our responsibility as his friends."
"It doesn't," Jimin breathes, looking down.
"Ji called you stubborn, now I understand what he meant," Seokjin laughs. Once he sees Jimin´s reaction, he sobers up, growing serious. "Everything hurts, for us too, so let's hurt together."
"You sound like him."
"I do, don´t I?"
"Thank you Seokjin. I think you and my dad are only two people on this earth who manages to not piss me off, right now."
"You should be mad at them. I am. Most people don't know how we're feeling right now, and they should be fucking elated they're not in our shoes."
"You know what Yoongi said to me? He said life doesn't stop. And I know it doesn't, but it still feels like it did. Like it should have," Jimin says, almost spitting when saying his name.
"Yoongi?"
"The man I´m marrying."
"Ah, sorry. Must have gotten the names mixed up." Another second passes before realization hits Seokjin. "So the two of you got engaged? Ji didn't say, I'm so happy for you!"
"No, it's not…" Jimin doesn't know what to do. He wants to correct him, but it feels like too much. He wishes, so much, he was engaged to Hoseok instead. And he wishes Ji got to be there to celebrate his engagement with him, because he was soon to be engaged to Hoseok if Ji hadn't died. He was planning the whole thing, he even told Ji about it because he knew how much Ji liked Hoseok for him. Ji didn't get to meet the man I'm going to marry.
Just like that, Jimin is crying again. Unlike everyone else, Seokjin doesn't hug him, he only places his hand on his back.
"It's not the one you're thinking of. It's not Hoseok," he sobs, voice loud.
"What?" is Seokjin´s initial reaction. Then, "I'm sorry. But who have you gotten engaged to then, if not him?"
"Some random gold digger who wants to inherit the company," Jimin says when he's able to speak somewhat normally, breathing through his tears. "I don't want the company, so I'm going to marry the one who is going to take over. Keep the legacy and everything."
"Fuck no." Jimin can't help but give out a raw and loud laugh.
"I agree," Jimin he shakes his head, feeling lighter than he has in days. "But it's true. He's waiting in the car."
"He didn't want to come?"
"He felt this was a family matter." The two of them roll their eyes. "I should probably get back."
"Let him wait a little longer," Seokjin bites. "He deserves it. But really, how is he? To you, I mean."
"Except for his other boyfriend and the way he always says the wrong thing and the way he's an asshole down to the bone, he's alright."
"He has a boyfriend? Then why didn't you and Hoseok stay together?"
"I didn't know. Now it's too late. Too much went down to ever go back, and I doubt he would ever want to see me again after the way I left."
"That sucks," Seokjin breathes, eyes worried. "But really, I hope you come to me if anything happens. I will gladly beat the shit out of him, you know? I took a boxing lesson a year ago."
He squares up, bouncing on his legs.
"Alright. I will, thanks." Jimin smiles, grateful for Seokjin. "I should go, but thank you for coming today. And every other time you showed up, Ji would appreciate it. I know you were his best friend, and you meant the world to him," Jimin says, pausing. Then, "Fuck, you were just friends, right?" which draws a loud laugh out of Seokjin.
"What are you even asking me?"
"Fuck if I know! For all I know, the two of you could be married the way he talked about you."
"Nah," Seokjin falters. "We didn't quite get there."
Jimin can't help himself, bringing Seokjin into a tight hug.
"And that sucks."
"It's the fucking worst. No, let's go meet this Yoongi guy."
Seokjin follows Jimin to the car. While Jimin goes to the passenger side, Seokjin goes to the drivers side, knocking on the window just as Jimin closes the door behind him. Yoongi sends Jimin a questioning look, but opens the window anyway. Seokjin leans down, holding out his hand.
"Seokjin," he greets.
"Yoongi. Pleasure."
"It's really not," Seokjin says, making Jimin laugh. "Treat Jimin with anything but respect, and I will break every fucking bone in your body, got it?"
Yoongi sighs.
"Anything else you would like to threaten me with while you're at it? Did you find the sex tape I made in college and want some money, perhaps?"
"Why are you the way you are?" Seokjin sizes Yoongi up and down, then turns to Jimin. "Probably didn't get enough love as a child. Small dick maybe. Anyway, see you later, Jimin." Seokjin walks away.
Sitting in the car alone with an angry Yoongi feels too hot, the tension rising with each passing second. Yoongi is mad, but so is Jimin. Always mad.
"What the fuck is your problem? For real, man," Yoongi asks no one in particular, starting the car and drives away at once.
When he doesn't say anything else, Jimin has to speak up, wanting a real fight now that Yoongi is angry, too.
"So, how did your boyfriend react when he heard me yelling from the hallway. I haven't heard him coming to the apartment since," Jimin says. Yoongi stays silent. "Hope you're treating him better than you're treating me."
"And how would that be?" Jimin is fuming, but before he can answer, Yoongi goes on. "What about how you're treating me, Jimin? I don't have a pretend big bro to protect me from your toddler outbursts, you know? We're adults, so we handle our business as adults. At least I am."
"You don't handle anything, all you do is take, take, take. You took my brothers place at the company, then you took my boyfriends place, then you took away my freedom. Better yet, I could still be with someone who loves me, because you're still with that tattoo-guy. You took that without even thinking about what I want. Everything sucks because because of you, and I'm fucking angry all the time, and I won't lie down and just take it. Do you even realize what you're doing? You force yourself into the spaces you want without any regard of what you're breaking down, but I won't do as much as bend for you."
"For fuck sakes," Yoongi exclaims. "I needed a job and took the opportunity when it presented itself to me. And trust me, I certainly didn't want you. You think everything is about you, but the decision I made to accept the company had nothing to do with you. Nothing." Yoongi repeats the words back to him. "And sure, you lost your brother, you have my sympathies. It sucks, I know. But it doesn't give you the fucking right to walk all over me with your entitled ass like you have been. If you pull your eyes out of your ass for more than a second, you might be surprised with what you see. What I'm actually like."
"What?" Jimin wheezes. "A whore for money? There are more honorable ways of making it than marrying into it. That's just lazy." Yoongi doesn't reply, only drives with his hands clutched around the steering wheel. "What? Got nothing to say?"
"Oh, I have plenty to say, but I don't think you want to hear them," Yoongi says through clenched teeth.
"Try me."
"Alright. You blame me, but you said yes to this, too, Jimin. Remember that? You had a choice. You could have fought for Hoseok. You could still be with him, but you didn't fight or take a stand. Now, we're both stuck in this, and you're blaming me, even though, I didn't make you say yes to this. Neither did you father. No one did. So stop blaming anyone else for your own doings and grow the fuck up!"
Jimin really doesn't have anything to say to that. It's true. But it doesn't change anything. Yoongi is the worst guy, and Jimin would want nothing more than to get away from him. But now he's stuck.
noun something that is one's duty or responsibility.
__________
Jimin loses his brother. His father loses his first born son, the heir of his company, leaving it up to Jimin to keep his father´s company in the Park family. Jimin would never have pictured himself marrying out of duty. However, Mr. Min, who only married Jimin so he could take over the company, isn´t exactly how Jimin pictured. Now, all he wants is to make Yoongi regret his decision to marry for money.
Pairing: Park Jimin x Min Yoongi | Kim Seokjin x Kim Namjoon
Genres: Marriage out of duty | Angst | Emotional Hurt
Word Count: 2,6K
Read on Ao3
Jimin doesn't know what the sound is, but it's annoying and it just woke him up. He tries to turn around and fall back asleep, but it's impossible. The noise coming from the hallway is too loud. Turning back around, he checks the time on his phone and leaps out of bed. Barging out of his bedroom, he follows the noise all the way to the kitchen where Yoongi is currently cooking as a lewd rap-song plays loudly in the background. Jimin stops right in front of him, holding up his phone to show the time.
"It's fucking seven on a Saturday. Do you hate me so much you have to wake me before the crack of dawn?"
Jimin spent the night thinking and crying and turning around in his new bed. His mind got away from him, starting at Ji before it went to Hoseok, ending up at Yoongi and that guy. He couldn´t stop wondering what he sees in Yoongi, and how Yoongi managed to land such a bright person when he is the exact opposite. Jimin thought about telling tattoo-boyfriend about how Yoongi offered Jimin his bed, but figured Yoongi was probably mocking him when he did that.
At least he knows Yoongi is into guys, which shouldn't be comforting, but it makes Jimin feel a little less dirty.
And that's how he spent his first night in the new apartment. It's safe to say it took a very long time before Jimin managed to fall asleep, so now he would really like his sleep…
Yoongi looks at the phone, then at Jimin.
"Should call Hoseok back," he says casually, turning back to the cooking. Jimin whips the phone around and is immediately filled with remorse and sadness. 20 missed calls from Hoseok. Without answering, he turns around and walks out of the kitchen. "Should probably change your background too," Yoongi calls after him, referring to the background-picture of him and Hoseok from last year's holiday.
Without reading any of them, Jimin deletes all the messages he received from Hoseok during the night, wanting nothing more than to forget about his whole existence. That quickly proves difficult, locked in alone his room with only the sounds from the hall to take his mind away from the thoughts. He can imagine Hoseok coming home to their apartment, finding it silent, Jimin´s closet opened and emptied and Jimin gone. Jimin can imagine the confused expression Hoseok would have before he realized Jimin left. He can imagine his mouth opening and closing as he tries to catch his breath, his forehead creasing as he tries to get a hold of Jimin. He can imagine the tears streaming down his face. The sounds as he cries.
He can't just sit here, he figures.
It isn´t until Jimin goes under the hot stream in the shower, which is usually where his brain really starts churning, that he realizes how different this morning has been from the other mornings the last three weeks. He's been awake for about fifteen minutes, and this is the first time Ji comes to mind. How could this happen? It hasn't even been a month, he really shouldn't be able to go fifteen minutes of his day before realizing that his brother isn´t here anymore. The way Jimin loved - still love - Ji, it should be the first thing crossing his mind as he wakes up. It should still ruin his whole day from the first moment he wakes.
Maybe you didn't love him enough. Maybe you're not grieving enough because you didn't love him like you should.
Jimin´s stomach aches. There is a pricking behind his eyes. Even as he tries his best to hold it off, the guilt grips and shakes him. He tries to breathe and think about anything else, but it's so hard when it only makes it worse.
See? You don't even want to think about him. If you loved him you would be on the floor, sobbing. You should be miserable, wanting nothing but to bring your brother back.
And he knows that this isn´t the way grief works, but it feels so very true when the voice in his head explains it to him. It makes sense. Of course he should be grieving more than he is, because even his breakup is starting to hurt. When nothing should be able to come close to the pain of his brother dying, he can feel the heavy feeling in his stomach when he thinks about Hoseok. And Hoseok hasn't died, he's fine. Jimin can call him, but he can't call Ji.
The grief and guilt is settling in his stomach like cement, making it hurt too much for him to hold it off much longer. With one hand on the wall, he hangs his head, covering his face with the other, letting the salty tears mix with the clean water.
At first, it's just tears, but the more he lets the emotions take control, the harder it gets to hold in the sounds that want to escape. He tries biting his finger, but stops when it feels like he's biting through the skin. He tries holding a hand over his mouth, but it's hard to breathe that way. At last, he tries holding his breath, which only increases the need to scream. In the end, he can only hope the whimpers and cries aren't loud enough to be heard over Yoongi´s music.
It takes a long time for Jimin to calm down, but once he finally does, exhaustion takes over. He dries himself as quickly as he can with a random towel he found in the cabinet, tiptoes back to his room, gets dressed and collapses on the bed. Closing his eyes, he almost falls back asleep.
There is a knock on the door. Jimin doesn't answer, pretending like he's not there as he tries to let sleep take him.
"There's breakfast in the kitchen if you're feeling hungry," Yoongi says, then, guessing by the decreasing volume of his steps, walks away.
Against his own better judgment, Jimin joins him. He's hungry, which trumps the desire to avoid his future husband. Yoongi is sitting down by the table when he enters the kitchen, a coffee-cup in one hand, his phone in the other.
"Can you really not do anything but stare at that thing?" Jimin asks as he takes a seat, making Yoongi look up at him. He regrets it at once, Yoongi stares at him with his eyebrows knotted together. If Jimin didn't know any better, he would mistake the emotion for worry.
"Just some work emails that needs checking on."
"You sure it's not that boyfriend?" mutters Jimin, helping himself to the pancakes.
"How was the first night? Did you get any sleep?" Yoongi asks quickly and a little bit too loud.
"Until an ignorant idiot woke me up."
"But yet, here you are, eating my food like a spoiled little…" Yoongi snaps, stopping himself to take a deep breath. Then, he sits back, sipping his coffee as he stares at Jimin, who is now devouring the food.
"Don't be so shy. You better snap back before you end up murdering me."
Yoongi laughs. And it's not as harsh or deep as Jimin thought it would be. In fact, it's silent, his mouth going wide and open, shoulders shaking as he runs his hand swiftly under his nose. Jimin realizes how warm Yoongi seems when he is like this. And to think this is only a fraction of the warmth he displayed for tattoo-boyfriend yesterday...
"I think you would probably end up murdering me from the way you're acting."
"What am I supposed to act like, then? Sorry I'm not leaping in the air, drawing hearts around you or kissing your feet," Jimin can't help but be sarcastic. Yoongi seems to have had an expectation of what Jimin would be like, and being… well, not like that, is very satisfying. He likes the thought of everything not being exactly the way Yoongi imagined it to be. The thought that Jimin can give Yoongi a struggle.
"I'm about to return you, you know," Yoongi jokes. It has the opposite effect he intended, Jimin only getting more angry at the insinuation that he's an object Yoongi can return. Jimin is already being tossed around like a sack of potatoes, given to the best qualified man without any regard of what - or whom - Jimin wants.
"Sorry you had to get me included with the company."
Yoongi sighs then, putting the cup down with a loud bang. "Me too," he says, standing up. "I'll be home around six."
He's out before Jimin can react.
Jimin invites Taehyung over for dinner.
"There he is!" Taehyung wraps his arms around Jimin as he enters the apartment, squeezing. For a while, Jimin relaxes against him, letting himself feel comforted by the hug. His best friend seems to read Jimin like an open book, holding Jimin closer to him, swaying a little to make him laugh. Jimin is the first to pull away.
"Welcome to my new apartment."
"Is it alright?"
"It's not home, that's for sure," Jimin says, shrugging. "Let me give you a tour."
Jimin and Taehyung make their way through the apartment one room at a time, their spirits getting lower the further into the apartment they get. Jimin remembers this place not feeling like him, but seeing it from an outsider's perspective, it seems even less like a place Jimin would want to live in. By the look on Taehyung´s face, he agrees. He touches the gray blanket on over the back of the couch, flicking it away with his finger.
"Yeah, it's not very… me."
"We could give it a little Jimin sparkle."
"What?" Jimin laughs at his friend´s childish expression. Taehyung jumps forwards to grab Jimin´s arm, clearly very exited now. Now, there are a lot of things that make Taehyung Jimin´s best friend, but this is probably the thing Jimin likes the most about Taehyung: how easily exactable he is. And when Taehyung gets exited, he gets exited.
"We can spice this place up a little. Give it some color and warmth. If we go out shopping now, we can drink and decorate and make this your place as well!"
Jimin likes the idea. He wonders what Yoongi would think if he came home to his apartment, that he probably spent time and effort into making into something he loved, and found it redecorated and changed. Jimin knows he, himself, would hate not having a say in his space being changed without notice, and from the looks of the clean surfaces and boring, yet thought out, color theme, Yoongi is even more set in his ways than Jimin. Yes, Jimin realizes, Yoongi would absolutely hate it.
"Actually," he says, looking around himself. "That's probably the best idea you have had. Ever."
"That would be thanksgiving last year," Taehyung says proudly.
"Nope. Not going there! Should we go?"
On their way home, they stop by the restaurant across the street to pick up some food. Meanwhile Taehyung waits for the food, Jimin runs next door to grab some beers for the two of them. With a couple of plants, a new rug, a couple of throw pillows, some candles and many, many small decorative pieces, they return to the apartment, Jimin using the code Yoongi texted him to lock themselves back in. They practically inhale their food and go to work, too exited to wait. Taehyung, it turns out, is more exited about the beer than the decorating, and makes sure they drink enough by cheering and clinking their bottles together regularly.
By the time Jimin hears the front door unlocking, he's almost done with the Jiminfication of the apartment, now four beers in and feeling quite tipsy. And seeing the look on Yoongi´s face makes Jimin almost jump in triumph. Yoongi completely stops in his tracks and his eyes go wide and his lips turn upward in a dissatisfied way. Jimin knows Yoongi sees the orange rug laid across the hallway first. It's the most out there piece Jimin brought back, and probably too out there for Yoongi to appreciate it, but Jimin likes it and figured it should be displayed for all visitors to see.
But then Yoongi sets his eyes in Jimin, and Jimin can only point to Taehyung, who is standing to the right of him, his beer in his hand, a plant in the other. Jimin realizes he has to be a little more than tipsy, swaying from his spot. And even though he's intoxicated, it's so easy to see Yoongi absolutely hates it, his pupils shaking a little, fist clenched around his keychain.
"Oh, hi!" Taehyung says merrily, walking up to Yoongi with an outstretched hand. "You must be the future husband of my best friend! I'm Kim Taehyung, but if you're nice you get to call me Tae. Go the extra mile and you get to call me Bear."
Yoongi seems to get zipped out of his trance and finally moves his stare from Jimin to Taehyung, accepting the hand.
"Ah, right. I'm Min Yoongi. It's nice to meet you, Taehyung."
"Alright! You can call me Tae," Jimin´s best friend betrays him. And no, it's not really a betrayal when it's his future husband, but it certainly feels like that. For a second, he wonders if Yoongi is capable of stealing the one person Jimin has left, and the thought is enough to awaken his always ready-to-go anger.
"Yah!" he exclaims. "Are you finally going to yell at me now?"
"I´m not going to yell at you for decorating our apartment, Jimin," Yoongi says, sending a worried look towards Taehyung.
"You hate it, so why not yell? Get your frustration out!" Jimin is yelling.
"Are you?"
"Yes! And you-"
"Alright," Taehyung interrupts, grabbing Jimin to guide him back to the couch. "Calm down." Jimin wants to cry when his best friend mouths a "Sorry," to Yoongi. Taehyung tries to calm Jimin, but the alcohol is making it harder for Jimin to calm down. Yoongi gets everything he wants, and Jimin wants to fight him because of it. It should be Jimin.
"No, he´s being unreasonable! We should just fight it out, get it over with."
"Fighting would help?" Taehyung asks, handing him a glass of water. Jimin wonders if he should smash it against the floor. He takes a sip.
"It would!"
"It wouldn't," Yoongi interrupts, agitating Jimin even more.
"You!" Jimin points his finger at Yoongi. "You don't get a say! After you came around, everything has sucked. The common denominator has to be you, and yet," Jimin turns to Taehyung, "I have to fucking marry him. Do you know what he told me? It gets better! Hah! Yeah, right! Why should I believe him when he has everything and I have nothing."
"You have-" Yoongi tries, and Jimin almost punches his this time.
"Nothing!" Jimin bellows as loud as he can. "I don't want this. I want Hoseok, god damnit. And apparently you get to have y-" he is interrupted by a knock on the door. Jimin knows who it is even without having opened the door. "Great! He's here," Jimin says, turning to Taehyung to explain. "His boyfriend is here. Because he gets to have one." Without another word, Jimin walks towards his bedroom. "Have fun, dear future husband." He slams the door as hard as he can, feeling the boiling blood finally calming down.
The worst thing is, he knows just how childish he is being.
Does he care. Yes, he isn´t a child anymore.
Will he get a hold of himself? No, it feels too good getting the anger out.
noun something that is one's duty or responsibility.
__________
Jimin loses his brother. His father loses his first born son, the heir of his company, leaving it up to Jimin to keep his father´s company in the Park family. Jimin would never have pictured himself marrying out of duty. However, Mr. Min, who only married Jimin so he could take over the company, isn´t exactly how Jimin pictured. Now, all he wants is to make Yoongi regret his decision to marry for money.
Pairing: Park Jimin x Min Yoongi | Kim Seokjin x Kim Namjoon
Genres: Marriage out of duty | Angst | Emotional Hurt
Word Count: 2,3K
TW: Jimin and Hoseok break up.
Notes: I FEEL SO BAD FOR HOSEOK I´M SO SORRY MY BOO I LOVE YOU
Read on Ao3
For the rest of the week, Jimin tries his best to get some piece of himself back before he has to return to work. He goes to the park, but ends up crying when a dog reminds him of their childhood pet that was named, fed and walked by Ji and Jimin. He tries to work out, but has to cut the session short when he hears a voice painfully similar to Ji´s and trips, hurting himself. Jimin even joins his friends to a jazz-bar on Wednesday, obviously initiated by the ever so elated Taehyung. The night ends when Jimin drinks one too many cosmopolitans and trows up in the ice-bucket.
Friday is spent mending his throbbing head and unsettled stomach, messaging Teahyung with promises that yesterday was the last time he will drink ever again, and catching up on TV-shows. By the time Hoseok comes back from work Jimin feels much better, almost back to normal.
While Hoseok is in the shower, Jimin decides to start dinner in the kitchen, which is where Hoseok finds him when he comes back. Hoseok´s hair is wet and the joggers hang low on his hips and his torso is glistening after his half-assed drying ritual, a lazy smile tugging on his lips as he moves over to Jimin. Normally, this sight would rile Jimin up, and normally they would forget about dinner, and normally Jimin would let Hoseok lead him to the bedroom. But normal isn't a state Jimin can remember anymore. Now, all he knows is how his chest clenches and his insides churn with resentment when he sees Hoseok.
"What can I do to help?" Hoseok asks, his hands going around Jimin´s waist as he takes a stance right behind him.
"Grabbing a shirt could be a start," Jimin mutters, continuing cutting the carrots as if Hoseok isn't kissing the curve of his neck.
"Why? Am I distracting you?" asks Hoseok, teasing.
"In fact, yes. And we have a dinner to make."
"We could always forget about dinner," Hoseok suggest as he slips his hand beneath Jimin´s shirt, pulling him closer. He keeps kissing, moving from the nape of Jimin´s neck to the shoulder. This whole thing wouldn't be annoying if Hoseok had dried himself off properly so Jimin´s shirt wasn't getting wet in the process.
Both of them can tell what Hoseok is after, but Jimin isn't in the headspace to go there. He grabs Hoseok´s hand to stop him.
"I'm not in the mood," Jimin says, turning back to the carrots.
"Sorry," Hoseok removes himself completely, disappearing from the kitchen for a few seconds before returning, dry and dressed this time. It's silent as they chop and boil and fry. Jimin doesn't want to speak because his headache has returned, and Hoseok doesn't know what he can say to Jimin that won't make him mad, and decides silence is the best option. Especially after the rejection. Hoseok sets the table as Jimin plates their food.
"How was your day?" Hoseok asks as soon as they're both sitting by the table.
"Long. I´ve had a headache and my stomach still isn't alright."
"So yesterday was fun, then?" Hoseok tries to humor Jimin, who would much rather eat in silence.
"Yes and no. I ended up drinking too much, Tae had to take me home." Jimin remembers a time he would have laughed and told a fun story about the night prior, even if it ended badly. He just can't get himself to do that, now.
"Good on Tae. I'm glad you have him."
"Yeah. What about your day?" asks Jimin.
"Listen, Jimin…" Hoseok hesitates, gaining Jimin´s attention. Hoseok is looking down at his plate, a concentrated frown apparent as he bites his lip. "I've been thinking about you a lot lately, and not just because of what happened with you brother, but also because… Well, I guess it's more about us than about you. Something's been stuck on my mind that maybe you can answer for me. I know…" he hesitates again, looking up. "Lately things have been so weird between us, and it feels like no matter what I do, it makes you mad. Like you might… hate me? I don't know. And I've tried to just push it away, because I know you don't hate me," Hoseok laughs bitterly. "But now, I don't even know what to think or do anymore. I'm not sure if it's just grief or if it's actually me anymore."
"Well... ehm…," Jimin sighs, realizing he can't postpone this any further. "I can't explain it, but every time I look at you something in me just snaps."
"So you do hate me?" Hoseok asks, voice trembling.
"It's not that I hate you. I love you. It's becoming very clear to me what I'm missing out on, and it sucks I have to let you go. All I can think about when I'm with you is how I won't have you for the rest of my life, even when I would want nothing else, you know? I feel everything I'm going to miss, and it angers how unfair this is." There is a slight pause where Jimin looks down. "Also, we should be letting each other go, but you're holding on too tight."
"You should have told me that, I would have listened," Hoseok says aspirated. "I thought you needed me now, more than ever, which is why I wanted to hold on. You just lost Ji, and I thought I did the right thin by not turning my back to you." Hoseok is staring at Jimin, eyes hard and lips turned to a tight line. "I would have stepped back if you asked me to."
"But even when I tried to tell you what I needed, you didn't listen," Jimin says, thinking back to the times he wished for Hoseok to just let him go. "What I needed wasn't you or your love, I needed you to listen to what I told you. When I said you should leave, I meant that. When I said I would miss you I didn't say that because I wanted you to stay, I said that because I didn't want to have to fight."
Hoseok is getting mad, Jimin doesn't even need to look at him to feel the tension in the room shifting to a suffocatingly thick tightness.
"You could have said that, then. Instead you have been pushing me away, without saying anything, making me feel awful and sad and annoying. It tried so hard being understanding and patient, and now you're telling me you've just been annoyed at me for that exact reason?"
"I've been hurting, Hoseok. And you can't tell me you've been trying when all you've done is keep yourself locked up in that fucking happy-bubble of yours, ignoring my feelings. You've been here, singing and smiling and laughing meanwhile I've been fucking miserable," Jimin says, voice getting louder as his frustration rises.
"I tried lightening the mood because you've been moping! Good to know my efforts have been useless."
"I´ve lost everything, Hoseok," Jimin gets up, needing an escape before he actually says something might regret. "So do not complain about me moping."
"You can't use that as an excuse for everything!" Hoseok shouts, standing up as well.
"Even now you won't fucking listen," Jimin scoffs, turning around.
What do you want me to do then?"
"I want you to fucking leave," Jimin says over his shoulder as he walks out of the kitchen.
And he does. Jimin doesn't even make it to the bedroom before Hoseok is out of the apartment, the sound of the door slamming stopping Jimin in his tracks. Hoseok actually left.
"Right," Jimin mutters, forcing himself to move. This is the best time to leave. The perfect time to part ways for good, never to see each other again. Now, he needs to get out of here before Hoseok comes back. Before he has to say goodbye face to face. Yes, this will be easier, leaving after a big fight. Maybe Hoseok can hate him and not feel as heartbroken that way.
Without thinking he calls his dad, who picks up. "Hey," he says happily.
"Jimin! I'm here with Yoongi, he says hello."
Jimin ignores the greeting, feeling enough as it is. "Do you think I could move in with you for a couple of weeks? Things here kind of blew up, and I don't think I should stay here." Jimin waits a couple of seconds for the reply, which doesn't come. "Hello?"
"What about you just move in with Yoongi right away? That way you won't have to move back and forth."
The suggestion is awful, and Jimin would rather move to the streets than move in with Yoongi any sooner than he has to. "What does Yoongi think about that?" Jimin asks, praying he will say no. Be the man I know you are, that I hope you are. Please, Jimin begs in his mind, kick me to the curb.
"I'm sure he wouldn't mind eve a little bit!"
"Alright. Can you send me Yoongi´s number?"
"Of course! Let me know if I can help with me move, alright?"
"Will do."
"And Jimin?" Jimin hums in reply. Jimin´s dad clears his throat. When he speaks next, his voice is low. "I'm sorry about all of this. I know you and Hoseok loved each other. Probably still do, right?"
"Right," Jimin says, blinking rapidly to stop the stinging of his eyes. "Bye dad."
The two of them hang up, and starts to pack his clothes into a bag. A couple of minutes late, Jimin gets a call from a number he doesn't have saved.
"Hello, this is Jimin," he says, an empty bag now in hand and the closet door opened.
"It's Yoongi," comes from the phone. "Your dad asked me if you could move in with me? Today? Apparently you have to move out?" Yoongi asks incredibly.
Jimin sighs."I didn't know he would suggest me moving in with you. Then, I wouldn't have said anything, believe you me."
"I was quite… ready for it myself, but he is my boss and father in law in the end, couldn't say no."
"Should have," Jimin mutters, which clearly goes unnoticed by Yoongi.
"Just so I know, how much stuff are you bringing?"
And Jimin is stupid, because why haven't he thought about the furniture and all their shared stuff. He bought the sofa with Hoseok. Same goes for the lamp and the bed and the nightstand and the cutlery and the pots and the pans. Everything is theirs. In a split second Jimin decides to leave it be. Hoseok can have it, Yoongi probably have all of these things anyway.
"A couple of bags."
"I´ll text you the address."
"Can't wait." Jimin hangs up like that.
An hour later Yoongi and Jimin are stood in the elevator, two bags and a suitcase by their feet, containing everything Jimin now owns. The elevator ride up the sixth floor feels endlessly long, both of them painlessly aware of how alone they are about to be. How intertwined their lives are about to be.
"Welcome home," Yoongi says as he opens the door for Jimin. Home is definitely not this place with it's gray walls and black furnitures and dark hallways. Home should be with the man Jimin just left, in their shared apartment with their future kids they always dreamed up together. Yoongi calling this home isn't like spreading salt in the wound. Not, it's like spreading chilling sauce in the wound, making his whole body feel hot and bothered and in pain.
Yoongi is looking at him, nodding his head impatiently, urging Jimin to walk through the doors. What Yoongi can't see is the regret Jimin is feeling on his body, and the fight he is currently having with his instinct to run away. Running away won't fix this. So, he nods back, picks up the bags and walk through the doors.
Yoongi gives him a quick tour of the apartment, each room the same gray color palette and minimalistic style He shows him the spare bedroom for last, which is a little bit of a mess. The bed is thankfully made, but there are boxes stacked against the wall and random shoes on the floor that are accompanies by books and pieces of clothing. Yoongi did definitely not expect Jimin here tonight.
And Jimin might have said something snarky if his throat wasn't closed up. This new home doesn't feel like a home at all.
Yoongi opens his mouth to say something, but is closes it quickly when the doorbell rings. Smiling to himself slightly, he walks to hallway. Curious, Jimin stays in the hallway, watching as Yoongi opens the door to a man in his early twenties with tattoos who smiles so brightly it almost lights up the whole room. The tattooed man bounces past the threshold, kissing Yoongi´s cheek.
"Honey I'm home!" he exclaims, holding up a white bag of takeaway. "Today I bring you your favorite." And Jimin notices the way Yoongi is smiling towards the man, and the way Yoongi seems to open himself up to this man in front of him, and the way he softens under his smile. This tattooed man isn't Yoongi´s friend. No, he has to be more.
The black hole in Jimin´s stomach is growing. Je just threw away his whole relationship meanwhile Yoongi clearly wouldn't have cared, having his own boyfriend. Carefully to not attract attention, he closes the door behind him and throws himself on the bed. It's no point in fighting the tears when they're breaking down his feeble attempts at emotional control like water breaks through thin paper. He never stood a chance.
Onus
/ˈəʊnəs/
noun
something that is one's duty or responsibility.
__________
Jimin loses his brother. His father loses his first born son, the heir of his company, leaving it up to Jimin to keep his father´s company in the Park family. Jimin would never have pictured himself marrying out of duty. However, Mr. Min, who only married Jimin so he could take over the company, isn´t exactly how Jimin pictured.
Now, all he wants is to make Yoongi regret his decision to marry for money.
Pairing: Park Jimin x Min Yoongi | Kim Seokjin x Kim Namjoon
Genres: Marriage out of duty | Angst | Emotional Hurt
Word Count: 2,1 K
Read on Ao3
"So," Hoseok says."You met Yoongi today." Hoseok says it quietly, as if saying it makes it true.
Jimin lets out a sigh. All he wants to do is relax against the sofa and let sleep take him away from reality and the hurt and the never ending breakdowns and realizations of what his brother won't get to see. Jimin is still feeling all those feelings from earlier when he was stood over the hole in ground, and they are making it hard for him to think. This has been the longest day of Jimin´s life. His brain is scrambled and tired. So tired, in fact, that he didn't have enough energy to change when he came home, and now he's sitting on the couch in his brother-burial suit while his favorite TV-show playing in the background, useless and incapable of… anything, really. The soft noises from the TV soothes him all the way to the brim of sleep, which Hoseok just ripped away from him.
"Yeah," Jimin whispers with closed eyes, gliding further down on the couch, attempting to make a point.
"How did it feel?" Hoseok continues, either indifferent to Jimin´s feelings or just unaware of Jimin´s fatigue. Jimin suspects the latter when he hears the uncertainty in his voice, which is why, instead of walking away like he wants to, he shrugs. "You can talk to me about it, I want to know."
Lately this feeling that Hoseok can't understand Jimin anymore has grown, taking root and pestering him at any and every opportunity. Even now, Hoseok doesn't seem to understand that Jimin wouldn't know what to say, even if he wanted to talk about it. And even if Jimin wanted to talk about his first meeting with his future husband, he wouldn't want to talk about it with Hoseok, his very-soon-to-be ex.
"How is it supposed to feel?"
Hoseok sighs, the sound forcing Jimin to opens his eyes. He looks over just as Hoseok presses his lips together. "I don't know."
"It doesn't feel any different from meeting anyone else, except I know I'll see his face every day and that he'll most likely take my name," Jimin offers. He remembers how abrasive Yoongi was, and almost shudders. "Kind of sucked."
"Really?"
"Yeah. He seemed kind of… harsh? Mad? I don't know, all I know is that he made med mad."
"I'm sorry, sweetie." Hoseok places his hand in Jimin´s hair and starts massaging. "Is it bad of me to be a little happy you like me more than him?" Jimin smiles, because what else is supposed to do? He tries to draw from his heart when he tugs his lips upwards, but it's really hard when he's all but happy. He looks over at a smiling Hoseok, which fumes him. Hoseok shouldn't be happy, he should be just as miserable in the debts of heartbreak as Jimin is, sitting here with his - practically - ex. And he should be feeling all these feelings that Jimin has no choice but to feel, knowing Right-Guy Hoseok was right but still very out of reach. But no, Hoseok is humming along to the TV as he keeps massaging Jimin´s head.
It isn't before Jimin´s head hits the pillow he realizes Yoongi didn't even bother showing up to the gathering after church. Dick, he thinks as he falls asleep.
Jimin is standing in the lobby of his dad's office, waiting for the elevator when he meets Yoongi for the second time. This time it's very different because he is prepared for Yoongi now, having scheduled their first meeting just two days ago. Through his dad, of course. This is all business, and should be treated as such, which is why he had to schedule a meeting with his husband-to-be in order to plan their marriage.
"Jimin," Yoongi speaks first, nodding his head in Jimin´s direction. He is standing right next to him, suit and hair dry, unlike his dripping wet umbrella. Jimin´s eyes follow the water droplets as they fall to the ground, pooling beneath Yoongi. Jimin had promised himself to give Yoongi a fair chance, but everything he does irks Jimin. He's even getting the floor all wet, Jimin thinks, rolling his eyes. No respect for anything or anyone. And it's just water, which someone who is getting paid good money will clean up later, but it's more than that. It's something in the way Yoongi´s head is slightly pointed upwards that scream douche, and it's the way Yoongi isn't even looking at Jimin or the puddle he's made, but his phone.
"Yoongi," Jimin nods back.
They enter the elevator first, some more people filling inn around them before the doors close. Yoongi is still typing away on his phone as the elevator starts, leaning against the wall and face scrunched up in concentration.
"Something wrong?" Jimin asks.
"What?" Yoongi looks up, clearly caught off guard a second before he relaxes. "Oh, ahh, no."
Nodding once, Jimin turns slightly away, Yoongi already typing again. That's what I get for trying to have a conversation with an asshole. Rejection.
The two of them don't speak much to each other during the meeting, the wall between them clearly built very solid. Jimin´s dad has made a list of matters they need to decide on, and as they move through it, it becomes more and more clear to Jimin how this is all going to go. Jimin and Yoongi will sign the necessary papers as soon as possible, becoming legally married, then Jimin will move into Yoongi´s apartment when he feels like he's ready, but within reasonable time. Yoongi will start working under Jimin´s dad right away, meanwhile Jimin will continue working at his current job. It's all pretty simple.
It isn´t until they're left alone together, Jimin truly realizes how much he dislikes Yoongi, who instantly ignores Jimin and starts typing away on his phone with a hard look on is face. Jimin, who is set on not getting rejected by Yoongi once again, has now turned to silence, determined to not be the first one to speak.
"Jimin, you're practically sending me to space with all those puffs and sighs. Why don't you tell me what's so worthy of your dislike that you have to empty you lungs to send the message?" Yoongi asks, finally looking up.
"Oh, ahh, no," Jimin mocks, throwing Yoongi´s words back at him.
As the realization dawns on Yoongi, he actually smiles and raises his eyebrows. Then, he replies, "I didn't know how badly you wanted to know my business back there. If I did, I would have shared."
"I really don't."
"Alright. Great, then what's this all for? If you're really not mad because I didn't tell you who I was texting, I mean."
Jimin wishes he could take it all back, tell his dad he has changed his mind and never see Yoongi again for as long as he lives.
"Mostly that I'm stuck with you for the rest of my life."
"You're hurting my feelings, Jimin" Yoongi replies sarcastically, feigning hurt by holding his hand over his chest. Then, he goes on, "Actually, I have a question for you." Yoongi points a finger at Jimin, watching Jimin intently, who feels like he might burst into flames under Yoongi´s stare. "About the spare bedroom, should I give it a proper clean and make it ready for you, or…?"
"I can clean it myself if you're too lazy," Jimin says, having half a heart to grab his phone and ignore Yoongi as he pretends to type on it as payback. Or maybe pretend to accidentally spill water all over Yoongi.
"That's not what I mean, Jimin," Yoongi smiles. "Are you sure you want that spare room?"
"And where else should I sleep? On your couch?" Jimin asks sarcastically, rolling his eyes at the stupid question, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Don't tempt me," Yoongi all but scolds. "I was thinking you could sleep with me," Yoongi says at the same time as the door opens, Jimin´s dad entering with a wide smile. Jimin hopes for his dear life the pure shock he is feeling isn't visible on his face, though he suspects it might form the way Yoongi is raising his eyebrow at him, challenging him. For a couple of loaded seconds, the two of them stare each other, Jimin trying to stare Yoongi down.
Yoongi shifts his gaze first, turning to accepts the cup from Jimin´s dad. And Yoongi is smiling as if nothing happened, meanwhile Jimin can feel his mouth still hanging slightly open, trying to ignore the traitorous heart of his that is beating twice as fast.
"Your assistant is here, should I give you both a tour of the vacinity," Jimin´s dad asks Yoongi, who gets up with a smile and nods. "Jimin, I think that was all, but maybe you want to join us? We can all get lunch after."
Jimin should get out of spending even more of his day with Yoongi, but it's his dad asking, so of course he accepts the invitation gracefully.
By the time the tour is done, Jimin is bored out of his mind. This is adding up to be his tenth tour of the company, and there is never anything new added to the round. It's always the same hallways, the same conference rooms and the same employees. It's always the same speech from his dad, which Jimin could probably recite from memory by now.
The only thing keeping him awake is the game he has started with Yoongi, where Jimin does everything he can to agitate Yoongi while Yoongi does his best to pretend he isn't noticing. Yoongi is about to speak when Jimin speaks over him, taking the opportunity to voice his thoughts away from him - Yoongi smiles and listens intently. Jimin holds the door open only so he can slam it in Yoongi´s face when his dad isn't watching - Yoongi plays it off smoothly, shaking his head with a neutral look on his face as he reopens the door. And Yoongi is trying writing down a security code, only for him to get confused when Jimin leans in and mumbles random numbers in his ear - Yoongi replies with a gentle smile and asks Jimin´s dad to repeat the code for him, clearly not losing his composure as easily as Jimin.
The four of them ends up at the restaurant across the road for lunch, Jimin and Yoongi forced to sit beside each other. Jimin is sulking, but stops the moment he realizes he can continue his harassment from here. So, Jimin happily ignores Yoongi when he asks if someone can pass him the beef. Then, Jimin offers to salt Yoongi´s food, putting on way too much before Yoongi has even answered him.
After they have eaten, Jimin excuses himself to the bathroom. Exiting the stool after, he finds Yoongi standing by the sink, scowling. He isn't smiling anymore, letting his real feelings show now that they're alone.
"What the fuck is your deal? You have been such a pain in my ass all day." Jimin smiles triumphantly as he walks up to the sink, purposely using the one next to Yoongi. He has finally gotten certification that he managed to get under Yoongi´s skin and that his efforts haven't been in vain. It might not be much, but it lessens the dread and anger Jimin has been feeling constantly a little. As he washes his hands, he can finally smile a real smile, knowing he made Yoongi suffer as much as Yoongi has made Jimin suffer.
"What? Me?" Jimin asks happily.
"Yes, you. Is this how you want this marriage to be, Jimin? Us taunting each other until the other one breaks?" Jimin nods. "Then what about what I want?"
Jimin has to laugh. Turning off the faucet, he turns towards Yoongi to get some paper, looking at Yoongi as he leans right up to his face.
"You're already getting what you want, my brother´s spot at the table and the money it comes with. Isn't that what you truly want?" Saying the words sting, but he finds it's not as difficult to keep his smile as it was before.
When Yoongi replies, he doesn't deny it, only says, "You don´t even know me," to which Jimin nods, all too aware that it's true. Yet, he is to marry this man. "But fine. Take your useless anger out on me all you want. Whatever you're thinking, I'm not this bad guy you're making me out to be."
"Really? Could have fooled me."
"Believe it. Or don't. Either way, we're stuck together, Jimin, and I don't plan on making a divorcé out of myself."
Yoongi shrugs and gives Jimin a pointed look telling him he means every word before he walks out of the bathroom, leaving Jimin alone.
Onus
/ˈəʊnəs/
noun
something that is one's duty or responsibility.
__________
Jimin loses his brother. His father loses his first born son, the heir of his company, leaving it up to Jimin to keep his father´s company in the Park family. Jimin would never have pictured himself marrying out of duty. However, Mr. Min, who only married Jimin so he could take over the company, isn´t exactly how Jimin pictured.
Now, all he wants is to make Yoongi regret his decision to marry for money.
Pairing: Park Jimin x Min Yoongi | Kim Seokjin x Kim Namjoon
Genres: Marriage out of duty | Angst | Emotional Hurt
Word Count: 2,5K
TW: TW:!!!!! Jimin goes to see his brother and the funeral is this chapter.
Notes: The funeral in this chapter is described in the way I have experience funerals, as a European. I thought I would do it this way instead of trying to read up on how they do it in South Korea and writing it incorrect. It is an important ritual for many, and the last thing I want is to disrespect another culture. Hope you understand.
Read on Ao3
Jimin doesn't look back, only keeps walking as quickly as his legs will carry him, all until he can feel the fresh air on his skin. Then he uses all the strength left of his shaking legs to crouch down. You're fine. It's fine. Think of something else. Think of your breakfast, or Hoseok, who used an hour making said breakfast. The image of his brother still haunts him, flashing back every couple of seconds. Jimin thinks he might throw up the breakfast. Blowing out air, he blinks rapidly, trying to keep himself from doing something stupid, like walking straight into traffic. He didn't think the feeling in him could possibly get any worse. That was until he saw his big brother laying in the coffin Jimin picked out, in the tux Jimin picked out with their dad's bow tie tied carefully around his neck, skin pale and cold. Lifeless.
During these past two days, the black hole in Jimin has only gotten bigger and bigger, and this moment right now feels very much like the moment where everything goes pitch black before fireworks fills the sky - the fireworks Jimin feels inside are getting bigger and bigger, and something has to blow very soon.
The image comes back, clear as day, trapping Jimin inside his own mind. In a desperate attempt to get the image out of his mind, he hits his head lightly. When that doesn't help, he tries hitting harder, only for his arms to be constricted by someone holding them still.
"Jimin," Hoseok whispers, crouching down next to Jimin. "Don't do that."
"It needs to get out of my head." The words come out louder than Jimin intended.
Hoseok is around him immediately. It feels like Hoseok is covering every inch of his body with his, closing Jimin in on himself. He wants to scream, his skin prickling now. The last thing he wants is to hurt Hoseok, so he lets him hold him.
At least it's done, Jimin thinks. The only thing left is the funeral tomorrow, which he doubts will be harder than this. How can anything be harder than this, Jimin thinks, mocking his own thoughts.
Finally Hoseok lets go, brushing the hair out of Jimin´s eyes. "What do you need?"
"Something to drink?" Jimin replies the only thing he can think of, hoping Hoseok has to leave him alone to get it, which he does. Jimin tries to get a hold of himself, forcing every thought of his brother out of his mind, taking deep breaths. He is about to turn around and walk back inside when a small group of young men in black suits walk up to him.
"Jimin," one of them says, grabbing his hand. "My condolences." Jimin doesn't know what to reply to that yet. "We are - were," he corrects himself, wincing, "friends of your brother. I'm Seokjin."
"Yeah, I know who you are, he talked about you and your trips, I have probably seen your faces thousands of times on picture. You here to see him?" Jimin asks, nodding his towards the door.
"When your father called us we knew we had to see him," he replies, voice shaking. "Just one last time, you know?" he asks, his lip quivering and eyes watering quickly. "Ah, sorry. This is the last thing you need right now," the man chuckles, probably trying to rid himself of his emotions.
Not many people have shown how sad it is that they have lost the man Jimin loved so much, and seing Ji´s friend crying over his death makes Jimin somehow feel better. Like he might not be so alone in this. Like his life mattered.
"We should head inside."
"It's pretty bad," Jimin warns, closing his eyes to rid himself of the image. When he opens his eyes, Seokjin seems to be considering Jimin.
"Again, I'm so sorry for your loss, Jimin. There really are no words, are there?" Jimin shakes his head. "I hate to leave like this, I have so much I want to say, but before I go," he lingers. "Feel free to call if you ever need anything or want to talk about him. We meet once week down at a local pub, we would love to have you there as well." He hands Jimin a card, Seokjin´s name and number written down on it.
"Yeah, I might take you up on that. Thank you for this."
The men disappears, leaving Jimin alone.
Jimin, Jimin´s dad and Jimin´s aunt are the first to arrive the next day, entering the church through the huge oak doors before ten O'clock. An hour ago, Jimin was awoken by his dad shaking him, clearly stressed. They were late. They all got dressed in a hurry - Jimin in his black suit and a single white rose in the breast pocket - and they drove through the still so quiet town.
They meet with the priest first, then fix the flower arrangements before they lay out the book of grief, as Jimin likes to call it.
By eleven, people start to pour in, Hoseok being the first one to go through the doors, taking a seat right behind Jimin´s seat after hugging him tightly. The other attendees make their way to Jimin and his dad as they arrive, some hugging them, some grasping them by their hand, all of them saying their condolences.
Ever since he woke up, he hasn't had a second to catch his breath or to think, and standing at the front of the church, accepting all these condolences, sporting a grateful smile though it all, doesn't feel nearly as bad as he had imagined. Hug, condolence, nod of the head, then repeat. This whole thing isn't as bad if he doesn't think about it.
"Ah, Yoongi. Good of you to take time out of your busy schedule to come," Jimin´s dad says, drawing Jimin´s attention. Min Yoongi. His husband to be.
"I had to be here," Yoongi replies, gripping Jimin´s dad's hand with both hands. You're only gaining an empire out of my brothers death, of course you have to be here. It's the least you could do, Jimin thinks. "My deepest condolences, Mr. Park. I wish it all could be different." Jimin´s dad nods gratefully, accepting the sentiment. Jimin, however, can tell it's a lie by the slight curl of his lips.
Yoongi lets go and, in a gut-wrenchingly slow pace, takes a few steps, stopping right in front of Jimin. "My condolences," he says to Jimin this time, holding out his hand. Jimin is too preoccupied trying to decipher Yoongi to notice the hand, and Yoongi lets it fall.
Jimin doesn't quite know what he imagined Yoongi to be like, a little taller, maybe. Maybe foul and ugly, like all men who marry in order to secure as much money as he can. Yoongi, however looks refined. Every feature is prominent, from his empty eyes and pointed chin to his lips that are drawn into a line. His long hair softens his face, but Jimin can tell that this man is sharp. Harsh. He seems unyielding in his ways, his eyes hard and indifferent. Cold down to the bone, his jaw set and the point between his eyebrows creased. His future husband isn't how Jimin had imagined him to look at all, and compared to the foul ghoul he had imagined, Yoongi isn't all that bad.
"So, you're Yoongi."
"Seems so. I'm sorry for your loss, Jimin. I wish there was something I could do to make this easier for you."
"Thank you," Jimin repeats the words he has been for the last half hour.
"It does get better, though," Yoongi offers next, to which Jimin only scoffs. He haven't had the pleasure of hearing the classic attempt at comfort before, but it really is as futile as they say, proving good at only awakening Jimin´s dormant anger.
"Of course it does," he replies sarcastically, to which Yoongi seems to gather himself a little, standing up straighter.
"I didn't get to meet your brother, but he was great at what he did. His shoes are ones I have the honor of working towards filling my whole life." Yoongi might have intended to be a compliment to Jimin´s brother. To Jimin, however, his words sounds a lot like a reminder that this man hasn't lost, only gained, from Jimin´s loss. I didn't even know your brother, now I get to take everything he was supposed to have, for myself. "I'm honored to not only be entrusted with-"
"Excuse me," Jimin interrupts, unwilling to listen to Yoongi go on about what he has gained, when he himself has just lost everything. "Need some water," and Jimin forces himself to walk, not run, away, hiding in the backroom.
This is the man that is to sit at his brothers place. Instead of his brother, Jimin now has Yoongi, an unsympathetic man who is as dissimilar to his brother as you can get. Where Ji was soft, Yoongi is hard. And where his brother was hard, Yoongi is solid as concrete. Yoongi is nothing compared to Ji, and he would much rather have his brother here than that stranger. That callus stranger that has now made his way into Jimin´s life. There is a huge tare in the barricade that has kept him at bay all day, and now all these feelings that were stuffed away, seeps back into him. He doesn't know what to do with himself as his feelings immerse him.
"Jimin?"
Perfect, Jimin thinks. Of course he can't get a seconds without someone wanting to make him feel better. No, not someone. Hoseok.
"What?" Jimin asks, way harsher than he intended. It's always Hoseok fighting to make Jimin feel better. And maybe Jimin should accept the soothing hugs and strokes, but he can't. Not when each touch reminds him that it has to end soon. Not when Jimin knows it's wise to keep him away rather than let him in. Not when Jimin has all these feeling in him that makes him a ticking time bomb everyone should stay far away from. What's worse is how normal Hoseok seems, like all of this isn't hurting him at all; it makes Jimin even more angry at him than he already was. "What?" Jimin repeats when Hoseok doesn't answer.
"Just wanted to check on you," he tells him, drying Jimin´s face with his sleve.
"All things considered, I'm fucking fantastic, Hoseok."
"Are you ready to go back out there? It's starting." Jimin nods despite the panic running though his body. This is really happening, and he is so far from ready. Hoseok reaches for Jimin´s hand, squeezing it. "I'll be right behind you, just let me know what you need."
I need you to let me let you go.
"Thanks."
Walking back into the church hall seems unreal. Every single seat is taken and people have started to fill up against the walls, all here to pay respect to his brother. The sight warms him to the core. His brother was truly a force, someone to love and to miss. He lets the tears fall, not even caring about who sees, taking his seat between his dad and aunt, closing his eyes as the orgel starts to play.
Grief is really an odd thing. His brother has been dead for a week, but it isn't until the orgel is done playing and priest starts to tell his brother´s life story, that it really hits Jimin that his brother is gone. This time isn't like all the other waves of grief he has felt. No, this time he feels it on his body, losing control of himself and emotions. He tries grabbing his dads hand for help, but even Jimin knows there isn't anything he can do but hold his hand as they both shake and cry. On the other side of him, his aunt grabs his hand, squeezing impossibly tight. Jimin doesn't care about the loud gasps that ricochets from the walls when he tries to catch his breath.
This is so much worse than yesterday.
He is too disorientated to hear what the priest is really saying, too disoriented to register which songs are being played, but he suspect it wouldn't make a difference. He would still be feeling like this, like this criminally awful feeling has taken completely over him.
Eventually it's time to follow the casket out, to see his brother to the literal grave. As they walk, he tries this best be a support for his dad, who is barely able to walk on his shaky legs, but seeing as Jimin´s legs barely support the weight of him, it's difficult. A couple of times his dad's feet buckle, but with Jimin´s aunt on the other side of him, they are able to make it outside.
Before Jimin can prepare himself, the casket is lowered in the ground. The urge to cry out for them to stop and let him have just a second more is immediate. It's feels like a overwhelming panic running though him. Almost as if Jimin´s dad can read his mind, he brings both his arms around Jimine, holding him tight to him and lets him cry loudly into his chest until the explosive feeling in his body has dimmed to a strong panic.
Around them, people have started handing out the roses Jimin chose, and once Jimin lets go of him, Jimin´s dad is the first to throw down a rose, followed by Jimin, who spends a minute just staring at the casket, trying will the lid open. After Jimin and his feeble attempt to resurrect his brother, his aunt walks forward, kissing the rose before letting it fall onto the casket with a thud. Seokjin is next, laying a heavy hand on Jimin´s shoulder as he returns to his spot.
As people keep coming forward and throwing down roses, Jimin lets his eyes wander around, ending up on Yoongi, who is standing in the far back, hand in pocket and staring into nothing. With a heavy sigh, he looks at his watch, shifting his feet in a ´I should get out of here but can't leave in the middle of the thing´ way.
When their eyes meet, Yoongi tilts his head, watching him a couple of seconds. Jimin doesn't know what is worse; the small nod and smile or when he mouths, "breathe." Jimin wants to scowl and roll his eyes, but his chest is suddenly aching. Turning back around, he takes a deep breath, which surprisingly calms him. Jimin shakes his shoulders a little bit, and now that he has gotten rid of the worst of it, he is able to stand a little taller.
Hoseok comes up to him, grabbing his hand. Jimin can tell he is trying his best, but he doesn't want to try, he just wants easy. Right now, Hoseok feels like anything but easy, pushing himself onto him when all he wants is some space. He turns to him and puts a smile on, squeezing back and takes in how glad the small action makes Hoseok. It's only for now.
Onus
/ˈəʊnəs/
noun
something that is one's duty or responsibility.
__________
Jimin loses his brother. His father loses his first born son, the heir of his company, leaving it up to Jimin to keep his father´s company in the Park family. Jimin would never have pictured himself marrying out of duty. However, Mr. Min, who only married Jimin so he could take over the company, isn´t exactly how Jimin pictured.
Now, all he wants is to make Yoongi regret his decision to marry for money.
Pairing: Park Jimin x Min Yoongi | Kim Seokjin x Kim Namjoon
Genres: Marriage out of duty | Angst | Emotional Hurt
Word Count: 2,3 K
TW: This story will mainly be ANGSTY (we all love that, don´t we?) and it starts out with the death of Jimin´s brother. If that is triggering for you, please be mindful and do what is best for you. I can go without hits, the world can´t go without you - keep that in mind.
Read on Ao3
Waking up the next day hurts more than Jimin can explain. What hits him first is the loss of his brother, his mind only giving him a peaceful five seconds before it reminds him. That first tidal wave of grief for the day washes over him, blocking his airways, blurring his vision - although that might be the tears - and envelops his total being in a black blanket.
For a while everything is pain, and he might be screaming, but he can't be sure. Then, he calms down enough to notice his surroundings. A pair of strong arms anchors him down, and he can tell Hoseok is squeezing him with all his might.
Jimin is traitorous, opting out like the coward he is. He should care that his relationship has come to an end, but that's difficult when everything else hurts more. And ending their relationship should feel more momentous than laying in bed and pushing his face into the curve in Hoseok´s neck, feeling the harsh ping of panic finally letting go enough for him to breathe. It should break his heart when Hoseok starts to whisper soft encouragements as he places soft kisses on Jimin´s forehead. Instead, it feels like a safe port in the raging storm inside of him. Being like this has always been so easy, of course it still is.
"Hey," Jimin says, throat soar and dry. It's now or never, he decides. If he can't get himself to do it right away, he will never be able to.
"Morning."
The hand on Jimin´s back should shut him up and draw him away with a guilty conscience, not give him the feeling of serenity he is currently feeling. Knowing this is is his own decision gives him comfort. Living without Hoseok will be alright because he chose it. No one tore him away from him. He can do this.
"I'm going to marry Min Yoongi," he says casually. Not because this is casual, but because he can't get himself to say it in any other way. Because it would mean more, then.
"Okay…" Hoseok replies slowly, uncertain.
"Ji was going to take over the company. Now," that he's dead. He can't get himself to say it, the mere thought is closing his throat up. He clears his throat, "I'm the only one left in our bloodline who can make sure we keep the business running in the family. Yoongi is going to take over the company, and so I'll marry him and make sure the company stays in the Park family."
Now that Jimin has said it, the last bit of unease that was lingering leaves his body, and he relaxes. And for a while, everything is silent, the only sound Jimin can hear being Hoseok´s steady heartbeat beneath his ear.
"Alright, you're going to marry Yoongi," Hoseok says finally. "I think it will take me some time to get used to the thought, I always thought the two of us would get to do that, but I understand you have to do this. It´ll be alright."
"Yeah, same here," Jimin says, relieved Hoseok isn't putting up a fight. Maybe he can see how little fight Jimin has left in him. "I'll miss you, though."
"Miss me?" Jimin can feel Hoseok tightening his muscles, rigid. Something was lost in translation. Hoseok manoeuvres them around, holding Jimin at an arms length distance and looking at him with an intensity Jimin hasn't seen before.
"Of course I will," is all Jimin can manage.
"You want to break up?"
"No."
"Then why will you miss me?"
Jimin wonders what Hoseok imagined when he told him he is going to marry someone else. The tears welling up in his eyes now tells him he didn't picture the two of them never speaking again.
"I don´t think he will want me to be friends with you." I don't think I could ever be just your friend.
"Do you think he will care? Can't you at least ask him what he thinks, maybe we can still be together. Maybe it can be like a marriage only on paper, kind of arrangement?"
"This isn't like that. Eventually, I have to have children with him, and you will get jealous and everything will get messy. Let's not do that, Hoseok."
"Says who? I would be able to deal with that."
"Hose-"
"For you, I would," Hoseok insists.
Jimin sits up and scoots away, avoiding looking at Hoseok because he doesn't know if he can keep afloat if he looks at him. "You should leave."
"No."
Jimin deflates, wishing Hoseok would just let him go. Everything already feels too hard, and now Hoseok is making this even more difficult than it has to be. Jimin wishes that he didn't have to fight like this. That something could just be easy: that Hoseok could still be that something easy in Jimin´s life.
"Please," Jimin whispers.
"I know you're going through a lot right now, and a lot of decisions has to be made. Life sucks, but it doesn't have to suck even more. You have to understand that this is the wrong decision, Jimin."
Jimin isn't normally a very angry person, but Hoseok´s words irks him. It might be the fact that he doesn't even try to understand him, even when he's trying his very best in this horrible situation. Or it might the fact that Hoseok isn't trying to put himself in Jimin´s shoes, he only wants Jimin to do what feels right for Hoseok, not for Jimin. Never having felt anger like this before, he doesn't know what to do with this anger taking root in him.
"You don´t understand anything, Hoseok," Jimin practically hisses, setting his eyes in Hoseok. "Your parents are farmers, there is nothing to inherit, no duty to family or the farm because there is no true value there. This decision is the right one because I, too, have to make sacrifices for this company, and if that's you, then so be it. I have a choice, but my choice isn't you," Jimin bites. "And just so you know, you don't understand how I'm feeling at all. You lost a distant great aunt once, that's it. How can you say you understand when you have clearly never gone through anything similar." Jimin takes a deep breath. "Stop making this so difficult and get out of my dad's house."
Jimin doesn't look at Hoseok´s for his reaction. He hears Hoseok getting off the bed, gathering some of his things and the he hears Hoseok leaving. The room feels empty. He feels empty. But then again, emptiness is better than pain, Jimin concludes.
For the next days, Jimin only leaves his bed to use the toilet and to eat dinner with his dad. If it was up to Jimin, he would still be in bed, but he must admit it's nice to have some type of normalcy.
"I talked to Yoongi today," Jimin´s dad can inform during dinner on Wednesday.
"Oh," Jimin says, pushing the piece of meat around on his plate. He misses Hoseok more than he thought he would; he is truly Jimin´s safe space. Having his hand over his would make him feel a lot better right now. "What did he say?"
"He asked to meet you, and I think it´s time to set it up."
Jimin sighs. "Can it wait till after the funeral? It's already so much to process, I don't know if I could handle meeting him right now."
"Of course, Jimin. Of course," his dad says, filling Jimin´s glass up again, trying to give him a reassuring smile. "Listen, I've been thinking." He pauses, scratching behind his ear. "I think you should go home. It's up to you, and you are welcome to stay here as long as you want, I don't want you to think I'm throwing you out. I want you here, even. However, I know things didn't end the best way between you and Hoseok, and I would hate for you to miss a chance to make things better. I don't know what happened between you or what you agreed on, but you've spent five years together, you shouldn't end five years with love on a bad note. You would regret that."
"Yeah," Jimin breathes, trying his best to not cry at the dinner table. It's not like he wants to end his relationship with Hoseok on a bad note, either. But he knows that in the end, it doesn't matter how they end things. If they part ways while Hoseok hates him it wouldn't change a thing, they will never be together again either way. "It wouldn't change anything. It doesn't matter when we won't see each other again."
"No, it doesn't," his dad says, shrugging. "But you love him. You lost your brother and now nothing matters, but he matters, Jimin, don't forget that. For five years he was everything, it might feel like it has changed, but deep down you know nothing has changed."
After dinner Jimin packs up and heads to their shared home, partly hoping Hoseok has packed up and moved away already. He's had three days to move out, but knowing Hoseok, he will probably still be there, holding on. He doesn't want to see Hoseok, but not listening to dad isn't an option, either.
He knows that Hoseok is in the apartment immediately after entering, soft music playing from the livingroom. Jimin makes his way towards the livingroom slowly, knowing he can't put this off anymore.
"Hey," he says, just loud enough for Hoseok, who is sitting by the coffee table working, to hear him. He whisks around at sound of Jimin´s voice, eyes wide. Seeing Hoseok should hurt more than this, but it doesn't add to the black hole at all.
"You're here." Hoseok´s voice is hoarse, and Jimin notices how red and puffy his eyes are. He inches forward on the couch, towards Jimin. "Are you alright?"
"I´m fine," Jimin dismisses. If he has to talk about it again, he might scream. "Dad threw me out." Hoseok just looks at him with big eyes, making Jimin feel awkward, like he doesn't quite know what to say or do with himself. Trying to rid himself of the feeling, he clears his throat. "I see you're still here."
"Where else would I be?"
"I don't know."
"Listen," Hoseok gets up, making his way to Jimin in no time, placing his hands on Jimin´s shoulders before moving them down his arms. He grabs Jimin´s hands. "I'm sorry. I know I don't understand how you're feeling, and I hope I never will, but I want to be here for you. More than anything."
"I hope you won't either," Jimin starts. "I said some bad stuff as well. I'm sorry."
"Don´t. I just…" Hoseok squeezes Jimin´s hands, eyes scanning Jimin once over. "I want to take care of you, will you let me?"
"I…" Jimin wants to say no. He wants to say yes. He wants to run. He wants to hug Hoseok tight and never let go. He nods.
An hour later, Jimin is in bed, newly showered and a plate of pasta in his hand as the TV plays his favorite comedy show. Hoseok is in the livingroom, clearly giving Jimin some space. It's been weird letting Hoseok wash him and feed like this, but it also felt good. Natural.
For the first time in two days Jimin eats till the plate is empty.
"Hey," Hoseok knock on the doorframe after half an hour, a glass of water in hand and a smile on his face. "Thought you might want some hydration elixir." Jimin can't get himself to smile, but Hoseok smiles enough for the both of them. "So, I have been thinking," he says lightly, placing the glass on the bedside table before throwing himself down on the bed next to Jimin. "Fine, you can kick me to curb, but I want to be here for as long as I can, ok?" Perplexed, Jimin just shrugs. "No, none of that. I'm telling you what I want. Your turn," he demands.
"Alright…" Jimin knows what he wants. He wants the they lived happily ever after ending with Hoseok. But he also wants his dad to be happy. And he wants his family legacy to be secured and brought forward. He's stuck, both sides weighing the same. Now, all he has is his decision that he already made. "I want this to be as painless as possible."
"It still stands?" Hoseok says, clearly still determined to have this moment be light.
"Sorry. I might have said it in a really bad way, but I can't chose you. As much as I want to, and I really do want to, I can't."
"Let's just be together now, then," Hoseok says, his eyes shining. "For as long as we can, can we be together? I want to be here for you," his voice grows to whisper.
As if Jimin has enough energy to fight him on it… All it takes is a nod for Hoseok to be around his neck, hugging him tightly. The first kiss is sweet, but the ones following only reminds Jimin of the separation that is to come. He pushes Hoseok away, forcing himself to smile apologetically.
"I'm sorry, but I'm so tired, I think I just need some sleep."
"Anything you need."
Hoseok grabs the plate and makes himself scarce, turning out the light on his way out. Jimin sends a hope he will feel better about the arrangement with Hoseok in the morning, closes his eyes and lets the tiredness take over him.
Onus
/ˈəʊnəs/
noun
something that is one's duty or responsibility.
__________
Jimin loses his brother. His father loses his first born son, the heir of his company, leaving it up to Jimin to keep his father´s company in the Park family. Jimin would never have pictured himself marrying out of duty. However, Mr. Min, who only married Jimin so he could take over the company, isn´t exactly how Jimin pictured.
Now, all he wants is to make Yoongi regret his decision to marry for money.
Pairing: Park Jimin x Min Yoongi | Kim Seokjin x Kim Namjoon
Genres: Marriage out of duty | Angst | Emotional Hurt
Word Count: 1,8K
TW: This story will mainly be ANGSTY (we all love that, don´t we?) and it starts out with the death of Jimin´s brother. If that is triggering for you, please be mindful and do what is best for you. I can go without hits, the world can´t go without you - keep that in mind.
Read on Ao3
For maybe the first time in his life, things were good. Jimin had just moved in with the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He had graduated - with honors, thank you very much - and he had just started working at the company of his dreams, doing what he loved. He had just turned twenty four, and his friends threw him a huge party, leaving him hungover and chained to his shared bed with Right Guy Hoseok for two days straight.
Safe to say, Jimin was content with the outlook of his life.
But life isn't supposed to be that easy and things never go to plan.
He is sitting down in their breakfast nook, eating toast with with Hoseok, making some joke about how he would like for Hoseok to jam him that draws laughter out of him. For a minute he admires the way his boyfriend´s eyes draw close and how his mouth is wide open and he is practically shining towards Jimin.
Then, his phone rings. At first, he ignores it because Saturday mornings are sacred. They continue the conversation about jams. But then it rings again, starting the first warning bells in his head. Still, he wants to keep the Saturday morning sacred, and both of them pretend they can't hear it as they eat. When it rings for a third time, the bells chime not only in his head, but through his whole body.
"You should see who it is, at least." Hoseok nods his head reassuringly.
"I'll just put it on silent. It's probably one of the boys," he says over his shoulder. "They always do th-"
He doesn't know what he was saying, all thoughts gone.
3 missed calls from Dad.
Message from Dad: Call me back when you can, it's urgent.
He feels Hoseok behind him, reading the message as well, laying a hand on his shoulder. Jimin and his dad talk frequently, calling each other with small and big news, or for no reason at all. But it's Saturday morning, the time he is out of reach, because that's the time he golfs. Saturday mornings are strictly no business, no phones allowed and no distractions. If he is calling Jimin now, it won't be with good news.
He calls him back at once.
A second later he picks up, breathing heavily. Before Jimin can say anything or ask any questions, his dad is talking, explaining what happened. By the end, Jimin isn't able to hear what his dad is saying, already rushing out of the apartment in his pajamas and hair uncombed. It's only when he's halfway to the hospital he notices Hoseok sitting in the passenger's seat, talking calmly to him. He can't hear him, the ringing in his ears too loud.
"You should come to the hospital. It's Ji, he was in an accident." Ji is his elder brother. The strong one out of the pair of them. "He was driving and crashed the car. He's in surgery right now, but they said it doesn't look good."
Once in front of the hospital, Jimin abandons the car, leaving Hoseok to deal with it as he rushes inside to find his brother. But it's already too late. He finds his dad in an empty hospital room assigned to his brother, eyes red, face contorted. He looks up at Jimin and shakes his head, just barely. But it's enough. He understand.
Hoseok walks in five minutes later, finding Jimin on the floor. He is by his side in an instant, comforting him, telling him how everything is going to be alright. Telling him how the two of them will get through it, together. Trying his very best to pick up the pieces.
That night, he decides to spend the night at his dad's house. Jimin, his dad and Hoseok spend the night staring into nothing, drinking whiskey and taking turns bursting into tears. It doesn't quite feel real yet. Like if he just pinches his arm, he might wake up and find his brother walking through the doors.
That night, he realizes a lot of things. Ji won't be at my wedding. My kids won't have an uncle. I'm an only child. This is the first time he's thinking these things, and each time a new revelation comes, he is left breathless as if someone punched him in the stomach. He can't quite breathe, but it's fine. The burning in his lungs can't compare to the agonizing pain in his stomach anyway.
Day one is a long one. He is constantly fighting himself, wanting to run away instead of making decisions he never thought he would have to make, like what flowers he would prefer to have on his brother´s casket or which songs he wants to be sung at the service. Would he like to throw white or red roses as they lower his big brother to the ground?
By the end of the day, he is all out of energy, barely managing to keep his eyes open and his emotions at bay as he makes his way through the hallways of his dad's home. As he passes the huge oak doors to his dad's office, Jimin hears him calling him in.
Taking a seat on the opposite side of the desk from his dad, he crosses his leggs and relaxes against the chair, closing his eyes briefly to prepare himself for what is undoubtedly another choice he has to make.
"What's up, dad?"
Jimin´s dad clears his throat, his hand going through his hair. He looks as exhausted as Jimin feels.
"Alright, I might as well just jump into this. As you know, Ji was to inherit the company after me." The company his dad owns and runs was started by Jimin´s granddad, then passed down to his dad, who was going to pass it down to Ji. This…" his voice wavers. "Ji´s death caught us all off guard. We're in a bad position because I'm left with no-one to inherit the company, putting us all at risk." Jimin would feel offended that he's out of the equation if it wasn't for the fact that he told his dad he wanted nothing to do with the company a couple of years ago. Now, with no form of education on the subject he is really not fit to inherit and run the business. "Mr. Kim has been running around all day, trying to find someone who can take over."
"Did he not find anyone? Please don't tell me I have to take over?" Jimin asks, massaging his throbbing temple.
"He did find someone," his dad looks down at a piece of paper. "A mr. Min Yoongi."
"Good," Jimin replies, trying his best to care about this, when he would really rather be in bed, next to Hoseok.
"Now, you have to listen to what I have to say before you say no. It might sound horrible and extreme, but it's the only option I have to keep the business in the family. To keep the legacy my father built for us."
Jimin laughs, his mind going weird places. "What, you want me to marry the guy?"
His dad's head slowly turns downward, his hand going through his hair again, a single tear making it's way down his cheek.
"I don´t see any other option."
"Dad, you can't be serious."
"I really wish I wasn't," he sighs. "But-"
"No. Find another way, I'm not marrying a stranger."
"Me and your mom had an arranged marriage, that turned out great," he tries to bargain.
"I don´t care! You will figure it out without me having to marry some stranger, rather than Hoseok."
"We would have figured it out by now if there were any other way. There isn't-"
Jimin cuts him off, too tired to care for manners. "Adopt him."
"He has parents, he can't just…"
"I have a boyfriend. I can't - no, I won't - leave him."
"You don´t have to decide right now. I understand it's a huge decision and you're right to be hesitant. It's how I raised you. But know mr. Min is great guy, and you would be doing what's best for this family. For the family you will undoubtedly build in the future. Sacrificing this," him, Jimin wants to correct, I'm sacrificing Hoseok, "it won't be for me, but for Ji. He loved this company as much as I do, he would want this company in the family. Mr. Min has already agreed to this, but it all comes down to you."
If it wasn't for the fact that Jimin is all his dad has left, he might have turned him down right away. And if it wasn't for the fact that his dad looks smaller that he has ever seen him before, he might have said no right away. And if it wasn't for the fact that Ji would have wanted the company to run in the family, Jimin might have chosen his boyfriend right away. And then there is the fact that his dad's heart is so heavy with grief and despair he doesn't know how to sit upright. Yeah, he might have been more selfish then.
"I´ll think about it," he gives in.
His dad bursts out in tears, repeating the same phrases over and over again as he tries to dry his tears. I'm so sorry. I didn't want any of this for us. Thank you.
Laying beside Hoseok that night feels wrong, like Jimin has somehow betrayed him. Right Guy Hoseok who has been there for him when he needed it. Who he wants to build his life with…
The type of tiredness Jimin is feeling is one he has never felt before. It's a much deeper type of tiredness that starts in his bones, spreads to his blood before it seeps out to his muscles. Too tired from this black hole in his stomach and chest and soul and mind to care about anything, the tears fall freely. A part of him knows it is time to step up, but curling up and crying doesn't make it any easier, apparently. He doesn't want to fight this responsibility anymore. Right now, he doesn't have any fight left in him. As he lays next to Hoseok, he realizes he has already made his decision. If not for Ji, then he will do it for his dad, who has worked tirelessly his whole life for Jimin and his brother to live comfortably. It is time Jimin, too, makes som sacrifices for the family.
As he falls asleep, he not only feels the grief over his brother, but also for his relationship with Right guy Hoseok.
Things were great, but it's never that easy, is it?
Synopsis: You and Hoseok spend some more time together, and Hoseok grows fond of you.
Pairing: Jung Hoseok x female reader | Best friend Min Yoongi x female reader
Genres: Fake dating | Nothing to lovers | University AU
Word Count: 9,7K
TW: makeout sesh in the woods and smoking (not cigarettes)
Read on Ao3
Monday
Hoseok walks into the hall and spots his group of friends immediately, which isn't hard. They're standing bunched up together, rowdy as ever, talking loudly amongst themselves. As he walks up to them, he greets them hello before taking a place in the circle that has now formed, the conversation already resumed as if nothing happened. From here, he can see the whole hall. He doesn't look for you, but you're not hard to spot as you walk up to a blond man. Your steps are slow as you move, almost as if you're uncertain.
"You coming, too?" Jimin asks, drawing Hoseok´s attention. He turns his eyes to the man beside him, giving his best smile to his best friend.
"I´ll have to see."
"See about what? What reason can you possible have to miss a party?" one of his friends, Brian, asks him.
Hoseok doesn't answer. Brian's word annoys him, which isn't rare for Brian, who has the tendency to say necessarily mean and negative thing. Just like now. Hoseok, who would barely count himself as Brian's friend, should be able to sit out one party without Brian acting like a spoiled brat about it.
"Come on! Are you a mute now? Tell me!"
Hoseok bites his tongue and tightens his fists, trying all his might not to lash out like a toddler who hasn't gotten a hang of his emotions yet.
"Dude, it's Monday. We went out three days ago, can you relax a little?" he replies with a playful smile. Brian nods and pats Hoseok´s back. Hoseok gets a bad taste in his mouth, leaning away from Brian as casually as he can.
"I'm just exited!"
"You should be, I am going, and I am not going quietly," Jimin moves the conversation away from him, much to Hoseok´s appreciation.
"Do you ever go quietly?" another one of Hoseok´s other friends, Zelo, asks then, laughing teasingly.
Hoseok´s eyes drifts over to you, still standing with the blonde man, who he has learned is named Yoongi. You're both looking down at your phones, and Hoseok wonders what happened between Friday and now. On Friday he saw the two of you laughing comfortably together during the lesson, completely relaxed. Now, he can feel the tension emanating from across the room. Yoongi suddenly says something, and you look up at him, offering him that same kind smile you're always willing to give, giving your reply. At your replay, Hoseok sees Yoongi´s faces suddenly turn from friendly to sour at your words. Your phones are forgotten now, laying lonely in your hands as you're clearly trying to appease your friend. You take a step towards him to place a hand on his arm, shaking your head. Yoongi really doesn't look happy.
You're trying to tell Yoongi something, once again, when Zelo claps his hand on Hoseok´s shoulder.
"Let's go in, yeah? Lesson is about to start."
A part of Hoseok doesn't want to go in, leaving you alone while having this conversation, which is clearly not going well. During the weekend he saw how not fine you are deep down, and he wants to make sure you're alright before just leaving.
A different part of Hoseok is telling him to calm down. This has nothing to with him, and he knows you can handle yourself. You definitely don't need him to defend you. With that in mind, he walks after his friends. Taking his seat next to Jimin on the far end of the row, he finds his notepad and pen before settling back against the seat, keeping an eye on the door.
"How was the rest of your weekend?" Jimin asks.
"Miserable. My hungover was so bad, man."
"Last I saw you, you were pretty alright." Hoseok laughs. "Guess you kept on drinking after I left?"
Hoseok hasn't told any of his friends about the deal he has with you, which means they have no idea he even left his apartment during the weekend. Some things he likes to keep to himself, especially when it comes this specific friend group. If there is something he doesn't want to be made fin of, it's best not to tell these friends.
Jimin, however, is diffrent. Hoseok would count Jimin as his personal friend. If it was just him here, he could tell him everything.
You enter the room, and Hoseok turns to the front, not wanting you to catch him looking. It's so stupid, the way he's acting like a teenager around you. Quickly, he scrambles for something to say in order to look busy.
"I did. I found some old friend, tried to catch up over a game of never have I ever. The only thing I took from that, was the question of when I had time to do all that shit. What about you? Did you leave with that-"
"Shut up," Jimin says quickly, making Hoseok laugh.
"I know, I know. What I was going to say was: did you leave with that hottie I saw you with?"
Jimin blushes, but nods his head, confirming. Hoseok wants to bottle up the bright smile on Jimin´s face. "Got breakfast in the morning, too."
"Sunny side up, I bet."
In the corner of his eye, Hoseok sees you talking to the woman Jungkook is dating. She is gushing about something and making you laugh. He looks for Yoongi, but can't seem to find him.
A thought enters his mind, a thought he wishes wouldn't penetrate everything in him. After a couple of seconds, he can't help himself, and takes out his phone. He already has an opening line.
_____ _____
Hi.
Jungkook asked if we wanted to tag along to dinner and some arcade-games with him and Dea on Friday…
You down to play? 😉
Always
It's a surprise for Dea, so don't say anything!
How sweet of him!
Jungkook, always the romantic 🙄
You dont think it's cute?
No, it's cute! But he's making me look bad
What you lack in creativity you make up for in cuteness
🤧
Now shush, the lecture is starting back up again
It's not?
Shush
Hoseok looks over, seing you grin down at your phone. The professor standing up to start the lecture again and Hoseok re-focuses, ridding himself of his own grin.
Thursday
Just like every other day, Hoseok is standing with his group of friend, wishing that it's time to go inside in order for him to escape this conversation. This morning, Brian managed to tell Hoseok he was a no good suck up. He didn't say it in those exact words, but the sentiment was still very clear, and now Hoseok is just done. He doesn't want to deal with this group today. It's been a long week, listening to the same conversation about the same party that is happening this weekend, over and over again.
He looks around for a distraction and spots a very familiar figure. The only person he can imagine making his mood better in this room is you, and you're walking into the auditorium. Alone today.
"Bye," Hoseok says, removing himself from the group before they can make a move to stop him. Following you into the auditorium and down the steps, he stops and lays a hand on the seat beside you.
"This seat taken?" He smiles, noticing how you look up at him and smile as you see him.
During this week he has noticed you several times, greeting you in passing then trying his best not to pay it much mind, but also failing immensely. Tuesday you sat with Dea. He noticed the blonde haired man wasn't around, the conversation from Monday coming back to his head. That day, you still had your smile. Yesterday, however, he noticed you sitting with another man, a tall and bulky one, your bright smile dulled to a small one that wouldn't spread further than your lips. Even though this isn't the first time the two of you have knowledge each other, this is the first time he has approached you.
You shake your head and move your backpack to make room for Hoseok before turning to your computer. Hoseok takes a seat next to you, turning to you. It looks like you're tired today, your cheeks a little more hollow than normal, eyes a little darker, and your hair in a high pony-tail.
"Crazy night last night?" he ask.
You smile and shake your head. "I wish! Long shift at the boring retail job." You're looking at him in that way that makes his mind spin, with your eyes roaming all over his face and taking him in. It's making him feel naked. "You're looking better," you comment. Hoseok can't stop the heat from forming in the back of his neck.
"Thanks?" he jokes it away.
"You know what I mean," you chuckle, nudging him slightly.
"Yeah, I can finally relax now that I don't have a dinner with horrible, judging parents to worry about."
"What horrible person would put you through that?" you fake shock.
"Some random woman who just came up to me on street. She basically said she wanted to buy me. Insulted me, told me I was only worth a small cup of coffee."
You shake your head and tisk. "Should have ran away."
"Her offer was one I just could not pass up."
You finally laugh before opening your mouth to speak, only to be cut off by lecturer starting the lecture. Hoseok looks away from you, wearing a stupid grin. Opening his notepad, he directs his focus on the lecturer.
"I will take you all through the next five lectures, so I hope we will get along!" the round man says, scratching his beard. Hoseok leans into you.
"Santa came early this year," he whispers, making you laugh silently into your hand. Hoseok ignores the leaping feeling in his stomach when he watches your eyes look up at him in delight, clearly appreciating his comment.
"I don't think he will grand out wishes, though" you whisper back.
"Better go and find out."
You're about to get up, but Hoseok grabs your hand in panic, dragging you down. "Don't," he whispers.
"I just want to make my wish" you pout.
"Just sta-"
Someone behind you shushes, making you giggle even more. He can't help but laugh with you, probably enjoying this a little bit too much.
"Be quiet," you pretend to scold him, swatting his arm lightly. You turn and pretend to type on your computer, fingers going ham over the keyboard, not actually pressing down on any of the keys.
Hoseok tries to get rid of his smile by clearing his throat, to no avail. Only when the lecturer starts his slideshow and Hoseok focuses, does his smile go away.
The first hour of the lecture goes by quickly, and suddenly Mr. Santa calls for a break. Hoseok turns and sees his friends beckoning him over for their usual coffee break. He would rather just stay here with you, but coffee sounds too good to pass up right now.
He stands up. "I'm going to buy a coffee with my friends, want to join?"
"Sure."
Hoseok leads the two of you out of the auditorium, delaying the meeting between you and his friends by walking as slowly as he can. He doesn't particularly want to introduce his friends to you, afraid of what they might say. Afraid of how they might offend you. They're not necessarily the most favourable people, but they're the people that he has, and they have never turned him down. At least some of them haven´t.
"Please don't judge me based on these people."
"What?" you ask, confused.
"It's just that… Please keep in mind that I don't agree with everything they say."
"Alright," you say, still confused but sending Hoseok a smile as the two of you walk up the group.
"This is _____," he says. They take turns shaking your hand and introducing themselves. You smile extra when you recognize Jimin.
"Nice to see you again," he says, kissing the back of your hand. Hoseok smiles at the theatricality of it all, always so charmed by Jimin.
"Jimin," you say back.
When the introductions are over and done with, which went way more smoothly than Hoseok anticipated, the conversation is turned back to this Saturday and the party happening. Hoseok is painfully aware that you're not invited, and wishes they would choose another topic to talk about. He is tense, really hoping you haven't take noffense, when Brian turns to him, placing his big hand on his shoulder.
"Too bad this dickhead isn't going."
"I didn't say I wasn't going, Brian," Hoseok sighs now. "I said I have to see."
This is the moment Jimin decides to turns to you, sparking a conversation between the two of you. "I didn't noticed you leaving the party last weekend. Did you get home alright?" Jimin asks. His words sparks a new memory in your mind, one you didn't even know existed.
Hoseok turns to you as well, consequently splitting the group into two.
"I think I saw you in the staircase, and if it was you, I totally understand why you didn't notice me," you tease, winking at Jimin, making him red in the face. So you know about Jimin, too, Hoseok thinks. Clearly you found out by accident, but judging by your reaction, you really don't care.
"You saw us? Please, don't tell anyone, people don't know…" Jimin looks back at the group of men behind him, eyes wide. Hoseok notices your eyes fleet to him. "He knows," Jimin says, which clearly relaxes you.
"Sorry. I would never tell on you. I was just saying, nice work," you shrug.
The queue moves and Jimin has to turn and give his order, leaving you and Hoseok to yourselves.
"What do you want to drink?" you ask Hoseok, turning fully to him.
"Sorry?"
"You help me out with my family, I buy you coffee, remember?"
"Large black coffee is fine, but you really don't have to."
Hoseok tries to collect his wallet out from his back pocket, but you stop him, your hand lingering on his."It's a coffee, Hoseok, please let me. As a small thank you."
Hoseok takes a step towards you, that same playful grin on his face. He moves his hand slowly up your arm, feeling goosebumps rise on your arm. He watches as you swallow hard. More than anything, he loves all the clues that tells him you feel it too: the effect you have on him, he has it on you too. "You can always show you gratitude in other, more pleasant, ways." He watches you, your cheeks bright red now, your eyes trailing down to his lips. He goes on. "Or is that just a bonus?"
"Next!"
Before he can react, you turn around and walk up to the lady at the stand, leaving him with a stupid grin he doesn't quite manage to pull back. Hoseok moves from the line and waits for you a couple of steps away. A minute later you approach him, a coffee in each hand. He doesn't mean to fumble with the cup, but when he notices you staring at someone in line, he turns to see who you're looking at. Yoongi is standing in line, forehead creased as he watches the two of you. The pieces are slowly added together, Hoseok´s suspicion growing now.
Trying to not make this worse, he quickly grabs the coffee and steps away, creating the space he believes is needed. "Thank you." You look up at him and nod, face blank. The two of you walk towards the auditorium in silence. Hoseok is almost out of the hall when he notices you lingering behind, eyes going to the spot Yoongi stood. Hoseok can tell by your frown that Yoongi isn't there anymore.
"_____?" Hoseok considers you as he waits for you a couple of steps ahead, wondering what would make you feel better. He lifts his eyebrows, wanting to ask but not wanting to overstep. Instead of asking, he takes a sip of coffee and half moans. "Ahh, the taste of being bought!" he says, making you smile. Your smile edges him on, giving hi courage to go on. "I was wondering if you're doing anything after the lecture?"
"I start work at seven, why?"
"Would you hang out with me?" He wants to convey more, but can't quite find the words. The silence feels heavy and meaningful.
"What were you thinking of doing?" you ask.
"I didn't think that far," he answers, looking down at the ground, his neck warm once again. It feels silly now. "Doesn't matter to me, you can decide." You and Hoseok take your time walking into the auditorium and down the steps towards your seats. As the two of you take your seats, you are yet to answered him. It's been almost a minute now, and the hope that you will say yes decreases by the second, creating this awkward tension in Hoseok´s mind.
He turns to let you know you can say no, and finds you, to his surprise, smiling brightly at him.
"Alright. Let's do something."
Hoseok doesn't answer, only smiles at you as mr. Santa starts his slide back up.
"Alright, friends!"
For once, Hoseok is able to focus without the other guys whispering between themselves during the lecture.
Once out in daylight, you continue to walk aimlessly, following the flow of your steps. Hoseok finds talking easy when he's with you, and he catches himself laughing at a story that you're telling, despite it not being all that funny.
Turning the corner, Hoseok suddenly recognizes the house in front of him. The memory flows back, bringing with it all the excitement he felt back in that moment.
"This!" he says excitedly. He walks over to the wall and you stay a couple of steps away as he speaks, watching him. "This is where I had my first dance performance in this town. Two years ago," he takes a stance in front of the wall, posing as he did before the dance started, "I stood like this, ready to give that one old lady on her way back from doing her shopping a real show." He does a part of the dance before stopping, sighing happily. "I guess you can't really call it a performance, we just decided to pick a random place and dance," he shrugs.
"Did you really just dance out here?"
"Yeah." He looks to you from his spot, still imagining what happened that day. "If you look up there, you can see the local elementary school. A lot of kids walked past on their way home, and some even joined us. It was a lot of fun."
"Did you collect some money, as well?"
"We have little to no expenses, so we don't actually need any money. Over the years people have hire us, but we mostly do passion projects."
You're smiling so warmly at him he thinks he might overheat.
"It seems like this means a lot."
He can feel the heat on his neck again. This time it spreads to his ears and cheeks as well, probably giving him a red hue. All words are gone, he can only focus on how he's feeling right now. How you make him feel: like his body is suddenly warmer; like his heart is beating a little steadier; like he should be dancing.
"I love it."
"What got you into dance?"
"I'm not sure. When I was younger, I tried everything, but dance and tennis were the only things that stuck. I probably kept at it because people were so positive to it. If my teachers had told me everything I was doing was wrong, I wouldn't have the connection to it that I do now. Dance became this safe space. I was so happy when my parents boasted to their friends about me, telling them about the medals I won. That feeling transferred, and one day I found myself enjoying dancing and doing tennis, even if I didn't win or get positive feedback."
"I suppose. It wouldn't bring you joy if people told you you're no good at it, or made fun of you for it. It validates you, makes you feel worth something when people thinks highly of you. Almost like you're not worth something if you have nothing to show." You shrug.
Hoseok has been to one family dinner of yours, and he can guess how you're feeling right now. He can imagine how you have internalized that thought pattern you just described, based only on how your family are treating you, and he can draw the conclusion from there.
He picks up his backpack and approaches you, considering what to say next. Considering if he should go there. "Do you feel like that?"
"Sometimes."
Hoseok waits, but you don't say anything else.
"It's not true, though. Even if I wasn't good at dancing or playing tennis, I would still be a good person. I would still be good son, a sturdy brother and a dedicated friend. I would still be me."
"What if I'm not even those things. I'm clearly a horrible daughter, my parents hates me. I'm not any better at being a sister, the way even my brother can't stand me," you tell him as the two of you fall into steps beside each other. "I'm even a shitty friend," you mutter.
"I'm sure it's got nothing to do with you, but sometimes people are just shitty for no reason. You're not a bad daughter and sister, it's them who are bad parents and and a brother. They should love you unconditionally, and definitely not treat you the way the way they do."
You shrug. "If it's not me, then why is it only me? Why don't they treat Seokjin the same way?"
Hoseok´s heart aches.
"I don´t know."
Silence.
"Sometimes I wish I could have one thing I was really great at, or something I was really passionate about. Maybe thing would be better."
"You should find it."
"What?"
"You passion. Not to impress anyone, but to have it for yourself. When it all comes to it, dance for me is a safe space I can go when I need it. You should have that, too."
"You make it sound so easy," you smile.
"Isn't it? You try something new until you find something you really enjoy."
"Maybe," you say.
"I´ll be your coach."
"Oh will you?" You ask, sounding more positive now. Hoseok nods. "What does this project entail, coach Jung?"
"Don't worry, you're in good hands. I'll take it slow." He winks, watching as you're once again affected by the innuendo. In attempt to avoid his gaze, your eyes roam the surroundings.
"Right there," you say, pointing to the bench in front of you as you walk towards it - away from Hoseok. "I remember I used to sit here with my friends. We bought ice creams in the summer and ate them here while gossiping. I heard some of the most shocking things out here, like that time Christina frenched a guy two years older than us, or like how Liam and Cole came out by making out in the cafeteria. And you can't forget that time I heard that Namjoon and his first girlfriend had finally had sex. They were the first ones in our year, so of course we interrogated her later." You laugh, taking a seat on the bench, patting it affectionately. "Right here."
Hoseok takes a seat next to you, turning to you as he speaks.
"I remember one time when my best friend ran all the way from school to my place just to tell me he had passed a note to a girl he liked. We gushed about it for like an hour, acting like it was the biggest deal ever. The teenage years were something else. I remember I was walking a girl I liked home one time - now promise me you won't laugh - but I tripped and dragged her down with me, right into a mud puddle. It looked like I had shat my pants."
Hoseok realizes he would tell every little embarrassing detail of his childhood if it could make laugh like this. If it could make you lean into his like this.
"I can't believe how big of a deal everything was back then. If anyone we knew had done something we had to know."
"Everything was so new. Things we didn't think was possible was happening to people we knew. To us! How could we not talk about it?"
There is a beat.
"I have a question."
"Is it a gossip bench kind of question?" Hoseok teases, surprised when you nod. "Oh, go ahead."
"Why doesn't Jimin want people to know?"
"That he occasionally likes to french," he raises his eyebrow teasingly at the term you used earlier, "men?" You nod, settling yourself back on the bench. Hoseok follows, relaxing against the bench with his arms propped up on the back of the bench. "I don't know. Maybe he's afraid of people treating him differently?"
"Hm," you hum, lost in thought now.
"He came out to his friend when he was younger. Didn't go so well, and now he holds the cards closer to his chest."
"What did they do?"
"I´m not familiar with the details, but from what I have gathered, she spread the word in the small town he lived in. Eventually, it came back to him. People didn't accept it and started avoiding his whole family. They ended up moving to my town. We became friends, but when I accidentally found out by walking in on him and his ex, he was really defensive, saying I would be an asshole if I told anyone, and that it's not his business to have an opinion, which it isn't. After a while, I managed to convince him that I didn't care, but he made med promise not to tell anyone."
"I hate that."
"So do I. And he does too. I wish I could tell him our friends would be alright with it, but some of them are real assholes who would probably turn it into a joke."
"Why do you even hang out with them?"
There is the big question. He can't actually answer it. Over time the friend group has evolved into what it is now, and Hoseok wishes he didn't have to hang out with all of them. But not hanging out with some of them means not hanging out with any of them, which isn't an alternative.
"Good question."
"You should find someone else to hang out with."
"It's fine, really. I can hang out with them at school, I just don't like them enough to be with them on my spare time."
"Is that why you sat with me today? To get away from them?"
"Yes," Hoseok says, looking at you. You're so open like this, looking at him with your emotions emanating from you: your eyes shine with happiness; you mouth turned up in a teasing smile. "Yes and no."
He wanted to hang out with you, which is why he sat down next to you. Because he likes you. It's as easy as that. Saying it in broad daylight isn't as easy, however, when he can be so easily turned down. So, he choses to say: "I have noticed you haven't been with Dea and what's his face most of this week, and wanted to know how you were doing." At them mention of Yoongi, you turn your head down. He waits for you to say something, and when you don't, he asks, "are you alright?"
"Yeah." None of you believe that. With a small shake of your shoulders, you put on a smile. "It's alright. Things will work out the way they're supposed to." You clearly don't want to talk about it.
"Should we get going?" Hoseok asks, wanting to lighten the mood.
Hoseok follows your lead, walking in comfortable silence for a few minutes. As you walk, your surroundings turn quickly from tall buildings and paved sidewalks, to houses and alleys, and then to trees and footpaths. After ten minutes of walking, you walk up to a river. Hoseok is about to walk along the stream but stops when he notices that you've stopped. You're staring at the river with a shiny eyes, your lips turned to a smile.
"Familiar spot?" he questions.
"Me and my friends used to hang out here all the time when I was younger. I got my first boyfriend right here, even had my first kiss against that tree. We used to to do everything here," you tell him, amused.
"Sounds like you were happy," he points out.
"Yeah. Until he broke up with me after six months. Right here," you point to the spot beneath you. After a couple of seconds you go on. "Also, me and my grandma used to come here. She was the one who showed me this place."
"Were you close? You and your grandma?"
"She would call med every night to say goodnight," you say. "And every weekend I would go over to her house and we would bake cookies. She was my favorite person," you smile to Hoseok.
"I bet. She sounds like a great woman," he comments. When you finally look up at meet his eyes with yours, he smiles. "I'm glad you had her growing up."
"And that boyfriend," you joke, to which Hoseok chuckles.
"And you stupid ass of a boyfriend," he agrees. "How was he to you?"
"He was alright to me, but he wasn't exactly great to my friends. Sadly that's the type of guys I'm attracted to," you shrug.
Can Hoseok be filed under that same category, he wonders. What was it about that guy that made you like him, and does Hoseok possess those same quality? He can't imagine ever doing something like that.
"And what are you attracted to, exactly?"
"Assholes?" you laugh.
"I´m not an asshole," Hoseok can't help himself, putting himself out there.
"I suppose not."
You're too quiet, and not saying much is a bad sign, at least when it comes to you. And he knows he has come on strong - maybe too strong. His words somehow feels different than the light atmosphere that has been worked up between the two of you. This could be a time to come right out and say how you're feeling towards him, but you don't take it. Maybe you're not ready to put the attraction into a definition, which is fine.
To avoid more awkward tension, he decides to speak again.
"Have you had many asshole boyfriends, then?"
There is pause where your eyes roam Hoseok´s face, looking for something; he doesn't know what, but smiles encouragingly anyway.
"A couple. After the fourth one I swore off guys, which is why I'm here, fake dating you instead of getting myself a real boyfriend."
His whole neck and face is flaming hot. He hasn't kept it a secret that he's attracted to you, - on the contrary - but he thought you wanted him too. You kissed him back. You even kissed him first. When he's been openly flirting and hoping to make it into something, you've been on the opposite side, not wanting to go there. At all. It's embarrassing how blind he's been, because a kiss doesn't mean anything. Falling asleep together doesn't mean anything more than that, and now his face is flaming red, calling him out on his own feelings when there shouldn't be any. It doesn't matter what he says after this, because your eyes are watching him, seing how much your words have affected him.
"I think I have been sending some mixed signals, so I want to be clear. I think it would be best if we're only friends. I got a little carried away this weekend, that's all."
There is no point in playing it cool now. "What's stopping you?" You don't answer him. "Do you think I'm an asshole, as well? Because I'm really not."
"All assholes says that," you tease, rolling your eyes.
Suddenly he realize something.
"Is it Yoongi?"
You shrug.
That's not a no.
"Do you have feelings for him?" You shake your head, a clear no. "Are you afraid of how he will react, or something?" You shake your head once again. "I'm enjoying spending time with you, and it seems like you're enjoying spending time with me, too."
"Can you stop pushing this?" you say, voice suddenly loud.
"Right." Hoseok is quiet for a second, wondering how to put what he's thinking into words. "All I'm wondering is what's stopping us, when we're both clearly attracted to each other."
You're staring directly at him now, eyes fiery. "I'm not attracted to you."
He knows that's not true, and can't help but laugh a little as he takes a step towards you. You can deny it with words, but he can read your body like an open book. Wanting to prove something, he moves closer to you. Closer and closer until he's flushed against you. His hand is resting against you back, trapping you against him. He doesn't need answers, but he wants them. Just like he doesn't need to feel your lips on his again, but he wants to.
"Really? So you don't feel anything if I do this?" he whispers, resting his hand on the back of your neck, putting pressure on it. "Or if I do this?" He leans in as if he's about to kiss you, and your eyes fall shut, welcoming him. He stops just as his lips are about to meet yours. You let out a deep breath when you realize he isn't going to kiss you.
"No." Your voice is weak and full of doubt, eyes still closed.
He moves the hand that is on your nape, to your cheek, caressing it carefully before moving his thumb to your lips. Those damned lips. He feels your arm as it moves around his waist, the other one clutching to his shirt. If this is you not being attracted to him, he needs to reevaluate everything he has learned in his life. "You're loving this just as much as I am," he says, putting pressure on your lips to part them.
"Hoseok," you breathe out.
"Yes, sweetie?"
At the pet name he feels you relax in his arms. Now, a want has turned to the need to kiss you. Before you answer him he moves forwards, capturing your lips with his. As soon as his lips meets your, it is as if a band has finally snapped. You press yourself closer to him, dragging, pushing, clawing at him - anything to get him closer to you. It's as if his own attraction reverberates in you and is being pushed back into him, filling him with tenfolds of the attraction he had.
You're getting lost in the kiss now, Hoseok setting a slow pace. He'll be damned if he wouldn't make this kiss last. Slowly, he starts to feel crazy. No matter what he does, it's as if he can't anchor his mind. He kisses you hard, then softly, quickly before turning it slower again. His finger that was on your lip is back at the nape, firmly pushing your face upward to him. All the longing he has felt finally has a place to go. If he was a better man he would have stepped away instead of pushing. Thank god he isn't a better man.
Then, after what feels like way too short of a time, he pulls back a little, only for you to follow after him, kissing him more. He chuckles as he parts fully from you, breathing a little heavier than normal. You're laughing too, leaning to him and hiding your face in his chest, cutely ashamed. Hoseok holds you completely now, both arms around your waist.
"Alright, so I'm attracted to you," you mutter.
"Not shit, Sherlock."
"Don´t push it," you laugh softly, shaking your head.
"Then what's the problem?"
"I'm just not looking for anything like that right now. I want to figure some things out first, which is why I want to stay friends. It's a door I don't want to open. Or, I want to, but I know I shouldn't," you say, looking up with a wicked grin. Hoseok looks at your pink lips, feeling that same pull and dips down once again, pecking your lips.
"Alright," he says, kissing you again and again, making you giggle.
Pushing him away, you force out, "I mean it," though your laughter.
"Can we be friends that occasionally make out?"
"Hoseok," you fake scold, your grin never leaving.
"Please," he whines.
"What am I going to do with you?"
"Whatever the hell you want, that's kind of my point."
You're smile falters now, and you think you might be crazy because you're saying one thing, but do the opposite. For example right now, you said you don't want to go there, but still, you're grabbing Hoseok by the collar to kiss him passionately.
Hoseok smiles into the kiss, brushing your hair away from your face in an attempt to distract himself from the discomfort that is building. He usually isn't one for public display of affection like this, but you have in a state where he would let you do anything to him if you smiled at him the right way. The discomfort grows by the second, and he has to pull back.
"_____, as much as I'm enjoying this, we should stop."
"Yeah."
The two of you pull away from each other and catch your breaths for a couple of seconds. Hoseok tries his best to readjust without letting you see, and turns around in one final attempt. When he turns back, your fingers are brushing against your bright red lips. Meeting your eyes, that same smile comes to his face. His insides are finally calming down, and he can finally think, which gives room for the realization that he wants this so bad. He would probably agree to only hold hands if that's all you were willing to give. You, on the other hand, seem to be thinking like crazy. Your eyes go back and forth, not focusing on anything as you're lost in though. Hoseok wishes so badly he could read your thoughts, that way he would know what to do or say next. That way he wouldn't be standing here, awkwardly smiling, waiting for your judgement.
"Friends don't make out," you say, making it sound final.
And Hoseok doesn't get it. Then again, it's not his job to understand it, he just has to respect it.
He can feel it, the disappointment settling deep down in his stomach, but tries to smile and nod. He respects your decision, muttering an "ok," because of course it is. It's up to you. That doesn't mean the sour taste taking over him isn't prominent to the point that he can't smile anymore.
"Sorry."
"It's alright. Of course, it's up to you."
He realize that he has just been friend zoned, and he could probably cry if he wasn't with you. He wanted this with you, of course, and he wonders exactly when his feeling caught up to him. When did he catch these feeling, and when did they become strong enough to actually become sad to only be your friend. You turning him down is equivalent to saying you don't like him enough, which hurts him more than he would have thought.
Maybe his imagination got the best of him, he tells himself, putting on a smile.
"Should we call off the dinner with Dea and Jungkook tomorrow, then?" he asks. He thought the dinner was a good idea when he asked, but now he's unsure. A double date is probably something you don't want to go on now.
"Why?"
He wonders if you realize it's a double date, but can't get himself to ask. Instead, he shrugs. "Never mind. Let me walk you home so you can eat before your shift starts."
"That would be great. Thanks Hoseok."
"Any time."
"Just dont drag me down into a mud puddle," you tease, making both of you laugh.
The walk back is spent in awkward silence, both of you having too much going on in your minds. At the door, both of you say your goodbyes, and Hoseok watches you get inside, sighing, and then turning away. He knows exactly what he needs, and dials Jimin´s number.
Twenty minutes later he's on the rooftop, this time without you in his arms. Instead, he's sitting on the floor next to Jimin, Jungkook opposite to them. They're taking turns smoking up and passing it forward.
"Spill it, Jung." Jungkook lightly kicks Hoseok, his eyes watching him intently. Hoseok hasn't said anything, yet they always seem to know when something is bother him. This time, however, he feels like a fool and would rather not talk about it.
"What?"
"You called Jimin asking for this," he holds up the blunt, "which you never do. What happened?"
"Nothi-"
Jimin cuts him off. "It's that girl from last week, isn't it? _____?"
"Who? Sleeping beauty? What, she finally woke up and decided to run far, far away from you? Wise girl."
"She didn't." Hoseok pauses and lays down on his back. It's only Jimin and Jungkook, the two people he would trust his life with, maybe they can help him somehow. With a heavy sigh, he goes on. "Alright, yes, she friend zoned me. You know me, my feelings are fragile, and now I'm all sad and shit."
"Sorry." Jungkook says. Someone places their hand on Hoseok´s foot. "It's never a good feeling getting rejected."
"What happened? I thought she liked you, the way you were acting earlier."
"You can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you. _____ would kill me."
"Wouldn't be that be something," Jungkook sighs happily, only for Jimin to hit his arm.
"We won't say anything. Now, spill."
"We´re pretending to date in front of her parents. I know, stupid, but she asked me last week and I said yes. Then Friday happened, but she left before we did anything. We had already made plans for Saturday, and I went over to her place. Nothing really happened, I kissed her as I left. Sunday came and we had dinner with her parents, just as I promised I would, pretending to be her boyfriend. She wasn't feeling good after dinner and I took her to the movies before I drove her home. I wanted to make her feel better, I don't know… This time she kissed me as I dropped her off. Today she told me she wasn't interested in a relationship, and the whole thing is so stupid because we're so attracted to each other. It shouldn't bother me so much when we've only kissed a handful of times, but here we are, getting high and mending my hurt feelings."
"Are you sure it's not just your ego that's bruised?"
"You are a hopeless romantic, Hoseok. You take one look at a girl you find pretty and probably imagine your wedding. You have a crush, it's not a bad thing. But you also has to remember that some people want to protect their hearts and make sure you're in it for the right reasons. I, myself, find many people attractive, and there are many people I would make out with, but that doesn't mean I would risk getting my heart broken by anyone," Jimin says, his voice gentle. "Maybe give her some time and a little space to figure you out."
"What I'm not getting is when dating became such a big thing. Going out for a date doesn't mean we're getting married," Jungkook asks, extinguishing the blunt.
"Me neither. I know I'm a romantic fool, but I don't want to marry her. I want to take her out and get to know her. That's it. I'm not proposing."
"Are you listening to yourselves?" Jimin asks. "What about her? What does she want?"
"Nothing. She wants me, but not enough, apparently." Hoseok can hear his own voice, sour and spiteful.
"She doesn't owe you anything."
"I know that, but there is an attraction there and I don't understand why she won't run with it."
"She probably felt grateful and kissed you, then had a second to think and realized she doesn't want a relationship. Just respect it and let it go. Anyway, if she's pretending to date you she's probably not in the best place. I mean, she can't face her family alone. You're her buffer, which is putting her in a exposed position. Would you expose yourself even more if you were her situation? If you have just bared your soul for her, would you really be open for even more?"
Would he? He can understand that you're probably embarrassed after the dinner, he would definitely be. But he doesn't care, it's just your family, which you can't do anything with. It doesn't have anything to do with who you are as a person.
"I wouldn't care," Jungkook says after a couple of seconds of silence. "Sex is sex." He shrugs.
"Oh, and to think I had a crush on you," Jimin rolls his eyes.
"It's really not," Hoseok says. "He even tried to kiss me once. He has a crush on anyone who has a nice dick and two legs."
"Not true!" Jimin says, pointing his finger a Hoseok. "They don't have to have a nice dick."
Friday
Ever since the conversation with you yesterday, then the talk with Jimin and Jungkook, Hoseok´s head hasn't stopped churning. Today he spent thirty minutes in the shower, thinking. His head is actually starting to hurt. This is the first time since getting into bed last night, that his head isn't full of thoughts and uneasiness, replaced by a goal of finding you, Jungkook and Dea in the busy restaurant. Making his way through the arcade part of the venue, he spots you on the other side of the room. It's the first time he's seing you after yesterday, and his heart does a double beat. You're in the middle of a conversation, your face serious as you're listening to Dea. Hoseok is the last one to arrive. He forces all thoughts away as he approaches the three of you, smiling widely. He refuses to be a dick about the rejection, he knows that much. You've made your decision, and now he has to let it go.
"Jk," he says, clasping his hand on his friend´s shoulder in passing.
"Hobi."
Hoseok takes the seat next to you, nodding his head slightly in your direction, earning a very small smile. He knows he is overthinking, but knowing he is overthinking doesn't stop said overthinking. It doesn't stop the questions running in his mind. Does she feel as awkward as me. Does she feel weirded out by me looking at her. Now that we're just friends, do I have to act differently? What do I say now?
None of you know what to say after yesterday, making for a couple seconds of awkward tension as you stare at each other before Hoseok surrenders first, avoiding your gaze by turning to Dea.
"It's good to see you, Dea. How are you?"
"All good here," she says over the menu. "Hungry."
"Everyone, you have one minute to chose before she explodes," Jungkook jokes, pretending to be in pain when Dea hits his shoulder. "Ok, thirty seconds."
"You're so mean," Dea says, pouting.
"I thought you liked it when I'm mean." Jungkook winks.
You clear your throat, drawing everyone's attention. Hoseok sees how red your cheeks are getting by the attention. Then he notices how high your shoulders are, and how hard you're clutching your bag, clearly a little on edge. He wants to do something to calm you, but grabbing your hand doesn't feel very friendly to him. Neither does giving you a hug. So, in the end, he only sends you a smile.
"Should we go and order, Jung?"
The restaurant is one of the ´do it yourself´ types of restaurants, where you order and collect your food at the register. After hearing what you and Dea want to eat, the two men make their way through the restaurant. Hoseok and Jungkook order the food, and Hoseok is handed a puck shaped object which apparently will light up when the food is ready. They make smalltalk while waiting for their drinks to be made.
"This is so awkward," Jungkook says suddenly.
"Yeah, wonder why," Hoseok answers, voice bitter. He should be
"Can you try to relax a little? This is supposed to be a fun little date, you're making it weird."
"It's not a date," Hoseok mutters, spinning the chip between his fingers. "She doesn't want to date me, remember?"
"Try to relax, man. Enjoy yourself. Don't think too much, you're weird when you think too much, ok?"
The last drinks is being served, and before Hoseok can answer, Jungkook is turning around, a drink in each hand, and walking away.
Taking a deep breath, Hoseok picks up the remaining drinks and makes his way back to the table. Jungkook is right, he needs to relax. From now on, he won't think too much, he decides before walking back to the table as well. Handing you your drink, he makes a point of asking you if you've been here before, which you have. In fact, when you were younger you went almost every weekend.
While the four of you wait for the dinner, you talk about the the arcade and the games that are here. Dea proclaims she is going to beat Jungkook at the motorcycle game, which makes you all laugh. The conversation flows, and by the time the puck lights up, you're all perfectly relaxed. This time, you and Dea goes to get the food.
Even as you're devouring the food, silence never fully falls over the table. It seems that the four of you always have something to say, a comment to make or a joke to crack. Hoseok can't remember the last time he has felt so worry free.
You're all done eating when Dea stands up, saying "alright, I'll be right back." She disappears quickly behind the corner, an extra bounce in her step.
"Be right back," Jungkook says ten seconds after, grinning as he walks in the same direction as Dea.
"Well, good for them," you say awkwardly, laughing at the two of them and their bunny tendencies.
There is a second where you and Hoseok sit in silence, you taking a second to check you phone. Then, Hoseok turns to you, drawing your attention.
"You wanna go play some games?" he asks, nodding his head in the direction of the arcade.
"Yes, please."
The two of you gather your belongings and make your way over to the arcade, stopping by the first game, which turns out to be a basketball game.
"I suck at this," he admits.
"Great! Let's play," you tease, taking your place by the machine.
It turns out, Hoseok isn't just bad at the game, like he thought. He is absolutely horrendous. He makes one basket, by accident, while you're putting one ball after the other through the basket. The whole thing has him so mad, because how hard can it be? You're doing it, so why can't he manage to do it? This can´t be his own doing, someone has to be setting him up as a prank. By the time the timer runs out, his whole face is red, and not because he's embarrassed. The anger running in him is all-consuming, and it has to come out.
Hitting the machine as hard as he can, he says, probably loud enough for him to be embarrassed later, "You stupid piece of shit." He kicks the machine, needing it to feel the anger he is feeling. "Fucking machine."
He looks up when he feels most of the anger has seeped out, calm enough to take in your round eyes. You have your hand over your mouth. Now, his redness is due to embarrassment. You're watching him carefully, your hand covering a smile.
"Sorry!" he apologizes quickly. Anger is never a good look. "I might be a little bit of a sore loser."
Much to Hoseok´s surprise, you erupt with laughter. He watches as you gasp for air, your laugh bouncing off the walls for everyone to hear. Your laugh is enough to extinguish the last of Hoseok´s anger. In it's place comes joy. He laughs with you, not because he is embarrassed or because he finds this funny, but because your laughter is infectious. In attempt to stay upright, you lean against him, using his arm to support yourself. The two of you are still laughing together when Dea and Jungkook approach, smiling at the sight of you. They are clearly amused at the two of you, both of them chuckling as well. Or maybe it's their rendezvous that has them happy.
"Ah, I needed that laugh. How do you always make me laugh?" you ask as you dry your tears.
"You're just bullying me," Hoseok grins.
"Hey, I am not! If you could see yourself, you would probably be laughing ten times as hard." Hoseok pouts. "It was funny. Cute, even." There is a slight pause where your eyes goes wide and you raise your eyebrows. "Do you think they would give me the CCTV if I asked nicely?"
"I wanna see it, too! Should we go straight back and ask, _____?" Jungkook teases, trying his best to keep a straight face. He fails.
"Can you not edge her on?" Hoseok turns Jungkook, pretending to be helpless. "She is already merciless."
"I think you brought this on to yourself, man. I told you we shouldn't go here, but you insisted. ´It'll be fun,` you said. ´I'll impress her by showing her how good I am at those games,` you said."
Hoseok wishes looks could kill, because, yes, he did say those things, but he also said it in a joking way, and he didn't want you to know you ever said anything like that. It's one thing that he thought he could be decent at those games, but it's something else, completely that he wanted to show that to you. That he wanted to impress you. He said that about a week ago, and now you're just friends…
You approach them, and Hoseok manages to fix his stare just as you stand beside him.
"Stop lying," Dea says, interfering. "You were the one wanting to come here. I remember you said, and I quote, I'll show you what a real alpha looks like, end quote."
"I didn't say that?" Jungkook says.
"You didn't, but it wasn't that far off."
"Anyway," you cut in. "I think it's time for Dea to show you all her motorcycle skills."
"Yes!" Dea almost jumps at the suggestion, grabbing Jungkook´s hand and dragging him with her. "I think this is the one game I can actually beat you in," she says happily, everyone following her.
"I hope she can beat him," Hoseok whispers to you as you walk over to the machine.
"Just you wait. She's deadly on that thing."
The two of you take your stance beside the machine meanwhile Jungkook and Dea take their seats on the bikes, already bickering over who is the best. They take a while deciding on their settings, but after they hit ready, the screen goes black. Then, a countdown starts. The fight isn't exactly fair; Jungkook tries to push Dea off the bike multiple times, but in the end, Dea crosses the finish line a couple of second before Jungkook.
Hoseok is extatic, just having gotten a video of Jungkook cheating in a game, but still managing to lose. He sends the video in the group-chat immediately, showing you the responses as Dea is trying to lighten up a pouting Jungkook.
The next hour is more or less the same. The four of you competing in different games. You all win some, and you all lose some, making a great vibe. That is, until Jungkook suddenly demands a rematch, wanting to redeem himself in the motorcycle game. You and Hoseok decide to grab something to drink at the bar instead of watching yet another intense match against the very competitive couple.
Making your way over, the two of you settle down by the bar.
"I have an idea. If you let me order something for you, you can order something for me."
"Sounds fun!" You take a look at what they offer, trying to find the sweetest drink you can for Hoseok.
You order the drinks, and take the first sip, you both giggle, enjoying the foreign tastes.
"This is very good!"
"If you think this is good, you should come with me at a bar down town called shots and giggles. Jimin brought me the first time I went, but they have the best drinks, I swear."
"Do you take all your friends to gay bars, then?" you laugh, taking another sip of the drink.
"Only the ones I'm interested in."
Hoseok doesn't even realize what he has said until five seconds later. He said it jokingly, but you both know there is some truth to it. He wishes the floor could soak him right up.
The silence that follows is painful. He can feel it all down in his bones, and it's the way you´re fidgeting with your glass and turning back and forth in the chair. He has made you uncomfortable.
A high pitched noise bring his attention to your phone. You pick it up and read the message.
"Sorry," you say quickly, standing up. "It's Yoongi. Something happened and he needs me," you place your phone back in your bag and turn away. Not once did you make eye contact with him. "Sorry to just leave like this, but I'll see you later."
And you're gone. Just like that, with a bad excuse.
Heartstrings | Chapter 2 - Saying goodbye feels like this
Previous chapter
Synopsis: You can your family are not exactly close. It seems that whatever you do, they never want to accept you. Their newest hangup: your love-life. Or, lack thereof. There is a perfect solution to your problem, and he goes by the name of Jung Hoseok.
Pairing: Jung Hoseok x female reader | Best friend Min Yoongi x female reader
Genres: Fake dating | Nothing to lovers | University AU
Word Count: 10,4K
TW: just some light swearing for this chapter
Read on Ao3
You unlock your door after finally managing to fit the key into the hole. For some reason, you're finding it hard to keep yourself standing straight. You stumble inside, kick off your shoes and make your way into the kitchen, suddenly in the mood for some food. As you move, Yoongi follows behind you, locking the door, kicking off his shoes and watching you trying to figure out what you want to eat. After a couple of minutes Yoongi sighs and walks over.
"Let me," he tells you, gently pushing you out of the way. "Just… Go drink something," you nod and turn around, already walking towards the fridge. "Without alcohol!" he adds.
"Yes sir!"
You find yourself a bottle of soda and a bottle of water, bring them to the livingroom and settle yourself on the couch. As you wait, you try settling your uneasy stomach by finding a movie to watch. This is the first time Yoongi has wanted to talk to you like his, and for the first time, you don't know what to expect from Yoongi.
Not a minute too early, Yoongi strolls into the livingroom with some food, which you happily eat. Yoongi settles himself against the sofa, feet on the coffee table. He starts to fidget with his hands, a clear sign he's nervous. For a while, the two of you just sit next to each other in silence. When done with the food, you flump against Yoongi, your head leaning on his chest in an attempt to soothe his nerves. The livingroom falls silent as the two of watch the movie, but neither of you really pay attention to it. You settle yourself against him even more, your knees propped up and your arm going around his waist so you can relax more comfortably. You can hear Yoongi´s heartbeat racing away. What reason does he have to this nervous? It's just you.
As if he can read your mind, he clears his throat.
"_____?" You only nod, too comfortable. "I want to tell you something, but I suck at these things, almost as much as you suck at personal space," he sighs, which makes you look up at him. As you lean up to watch his face you end up being only centimeters from his face, and Yoongi closes his eyes and exhales. "See?" When he opens his eyes again you notice the worry in his eyes.
"You know you can tell me anything. You really don't have to be scared," you tell him, once again snuggling up to him to give him comfort. "I'm always going to be here." The position is awkward, so Yoongi brings his arm behind your back, placing a soft hand on your shoulder. Yoongi knows what he want to say, he just doesn't know how to say it. So, he closes his eyes and let his instincts take over. For a while, Yoongi doesn't say anything and your focus goes to the movie.
That is until Yoongi suddenly kisses the top of your head. He has done that before, but not like this. Not while laying down on your couch in the middle of the night, you half drunk and him holding you. Intimate. It suddenly feels like you're stepping over a line. Confused of your own feelings and Yoongi´s actions, you pull back with a small smile, trying to rid yourself of the confusion.
"God, I'm so awkward," he groans, rubbing his hands over his face. "And it's us, you know? It shouldn't matter because I know what you will say, but it doesn't change anything. I still want to tell it to you, and I want you to know, but…" his voice fades into nothing. "You get what I'm trying to say, right?" You shake your head. Even though the suspicion is growing by each second that goes by, you still can't afford to make any assumptions. To place words in his mouth. "Listen, to you, touching and cuddling comes natural, it's just a part of friendship, right? But it's not that easy to me. I really like my own personal space. When we first became friends I thought you were flirting with me, but over time I realized that it didn't mean anything to you," he laughs a bitter laugh, not looking at you. "Like, at all. Once I realized that, I just let it be. I let you express yourself the way you wanted and felt comfortable. Let you invade my private space even though it made me uncomfortable, because it didn't mean anything. However -" there is a pregnant pause before he looks up at you. You heart rate picks up at the thought of what he will say next. "- it feels like something have changed lately. And I can't go around pretending it hasn't. It's not fair to you, and it's really not fair to me. Because I used to not like to cuddle, but now I just want to hold you closer to me. And so I realized that-"
"Yoongi," you try to stop him from saying it. From changing everything.
"I think I'm in love with you." As he says it Yoongi looks down at his feet. "And by each day that goes by it gets harder to pretend that I don't have these huge feelings." There is a pause, Yoongi sneaking looks at you meanwhile your whole world is spinning. Yoongi is in love with you? "Sorry I couldn't give a better proclamation, as I said, I suck at these things." He tries to smile, but it falls when he sees your expression. You stay silent, taking in everything. "Can you tell me what you're thinking?"
You have never considered how Yoongi must be feeling. Never did it cross your mind that he might want something else than friendship. That he had another reason to be around you than ´just because`… How long has been feeling like this? And then your realize that he might have done everything he did for you because he wanted you to return his feelings, not because he was your friend and wanted to be there.
"It's a lot…" you start, trying your best to form sentences. "I just… How long?"
He thinks a while.
"I guess it's maybe coming up to a year or so now?" Yoongi answers. A year? A year worth of coffee runs together? A year worth of cuddles? A year worth of you falling asleep on his shoulder? That long?
"So everything you have done this past year…" you start, trying to figure out your thoughts as you speak. "Have been an attempt to try and make me return your feelings?" You ask.
Yoongi furrows his brows, shaking his head. More than anything, he looks confused.
"No?"
You can't help but feel like he misunderstood your question, so you try again. "So, every time we have been together this last year, your actions haven't been powered by your feelings for me? By you trying to make me feel the same?"
Yoongi sighs, eyebrows going further down, forehead creasing and lips goes in a straight line. He is clearly annoyed and angry now, but doesn't say anything, only breathes. Then, he blinks.
"_____, I know you won't return my feelings, that's not what is happening here."
There is another pause, and you're losing your mind because what do you say? How do you explain your feelings? In the silence Yoongi let's his face fall, and you finally see it: how much he is hurting this moment. Of course he is holding up, he is Yoongi, but you know Yoongi better than you know yourself. The darkness in his eyes, his lips that are turned down and relaxed, and his eyebrows turned down are all telling you he is hurting.
You can only see it a second before he hides his face in his hands. You want to place your hand on his shoulder and comfort him, but you doubt that would be any better, so you just watch him. When Yoongi speaks, his low voice rumbles all the way though your skin and straight to your heart.
"You know I would never do that to you."
"Sorry."
"The reason I told you how I feel is because I wanted you to know; I can't keep anything from you. But _____, some things need to change…"
The words sounds so weird coming out of Yoongi´s mouth. So raw and honest, and you have never heard him like this before.
"What do you mean?"
"You were a little bit right earlier, I have probably catered to you a little bit more than I would have if I didn't love you… But I never intended or wanted to receive anything from you, I just liked doing those things for you, but I probably need to stop doing that. I need to take a step back and stop acting like something I'm not."
"Yoongi," you say, making him look up at you. "I love you - but I'm not in love with you. You're my best friend." There is a pause where Yoongi just nods at the ground. "Right now I'm not in the right headspace for a relationship, so even if I could possibly love you back, I wouldn't let that happen right now. It's not something I want have space for in my life. It has nothing to do with you, but it's all me," you tell him, trying to express your thoughts that are in shambles.
He takes a deep breath and nods his head once more, rubbing his eyes.
"I never wanted to hurt you or anything…"
"Don't worry about it. I knew you didn't feel the same for me, so why are you acting like you're breaking up with me?" he forces a laugh, and you smile. "Alright. I think I'm done here for the day. Try to get some sleep, alright?"
Yoongi is the first one to stand up, and you follow his actions. As he turns around, panic strikes you. Is he really leaving like this? Your whole relationship is up in the air and he is just leaving like this? Who knows what will happen when Monday comes and things have changed, but you're not ready to find out. You just want your relationship to be the same for one more night.
"Can you not stay?" You ask in a rush, and Yoongi turns around. "We can watch a movie or something. Talk some more…?"
"Of course, if that's what you want." And you can't help but notice it: he is doing it for you. Even though he is hurting right now, he is willing to sit in his hurt to comfort you.
"You don´t have to. I understand if you don't want to."
Yoongi laughs. "We're still friends, right?" You nod. "Didn't we watch movies together two years ago, as well? Who says we can't watch one now?"
And so, the two of you settle yourselves on each side of the couch, creating some space between you. Finding a new movie to watch turns out to be harder than expected, all the recommended movies being about love. In the end you settle on an action movie, which you don't pay attention to. You can tell Yoongi isn't paying attention either, picking at his T-shirt, changing positions more than he is sitting still, and looking anywhere else but you or the TV.
Halfway through the movie Yoongi suddenly stands up.
"I'm going to go. It's getting really late, and know I said I would stay, but… To be honest I'm really tired right now, and this -" he gestures between himself and the TV. "- feels like something I shouldn't be doing to myself," he still tries to smile, which makes you even more sad.
"Of course," you try to reassure him despite your own mixed feelings, standing up as well. Things are already changing, and even though you knew they would, and had to for Yoongi´s sake, it's still not a good change. You're slowly losing your friend, you realize. "Let me walk you out."
Once in the hallway, you watch as Yoongi ties his shoes. If you could take everything he was feeling away from him you would gladly do that. During your friendship Yoongi haven't had many low periods, but every time time he did, he always turned to you. To think that he won't be turning to you now, leaning on someone else instead, hurts in some weird way. It has always been the two of you, open and honest with each other. It shouldn't be different now, but it has to be…
You dry the tears that fell as soon as Yoongi stands to stand up, but of course he notices. Without hesitating he brings you in for a hug.
"What's wrong with you?" he asks, annoyed but fond. At the same as he squeezes his arms around your shoulders. "You're acting like you're the one who's heartbroken," he jokes, and you sigh.
"I just don't want things to change too much."
"They won't. I just need to sort myself out. Be patient with your best friend and he will find his way back, and not this stupid guy with annoying feelings." There is a pause. "Good luck with your parents and Hoseok on Sunday, and you can tell me all about it on Monday, ok? Well, maybe not everything. " he backtracks, voice quivering. With one last squeeze he lets go of you, turns around and leaves without looking back once.
The emptiness Yoongi left you with is sitting heavy on you, and you don't really want to go back to the living room. Yet, the movie still playing, and you decide to not torture yourself more than you have to - watching a movie might take your mind off everything. As you sit down you see Yoongi´s phone on the couch. In the space of one minute you have located your keys, thrown on your slippers and run down the stairs, throwing the door open. You're running to the parking-lot when you see the car just standing there. No lights on, nothing. Slowly, you approach, only to see Yoongi sitting in the driver's seat, head leaning against the steering-wheel.
Carefully, you knock. You know he heard by the small jerk of his head before he caught himself, hiding his face again. You knock once more, saying his name this time. "You left your phone."
Slowly, he turns around and opens the door. You hand him his phone, trying to see his face.
"Are you alright?"
He only nods.
"Yoongi." When you lay your hand on his, he looks up. The first thing you see are the tear-filled eyes, then the red nose and at last his puffy cheeks. He closes his eyes and rests his head against the headrest for a while.
"It really sucks," he smiles sadly, opening his eyes to look at you. "You know, the thing about this feeling is that even though I realistically know I won't get to be with you, I still really want to. And then you rejected me and asked me to stay, and I really hated you for a second there." He sighs, hitting his head lightly against the headrest in frustration. "I'm so sorry, _____. I'm messing everything up," he speaks calmly as tears keeps pouring out. Your heart aches, but the one thing that has always helped - a hug - will probably not help right now… There is nothing you can do, being the one who hurt him.
"You can tell me that. When I'm overstepping you have to say that."
"Everything feels like overstepping."
"Yoongi."
"You just don't get it, do you? Even this -" he looks down your hand on his. "- is setting everything on fire in me. You should really go."
"What can I do?"
"Either you can tell me you love me and kiss me, or you can go upstairs and let me be for the rest of the night."
"What?"
"This sucks so much. Everything sucks. You being here sucks. You being up there sucks. You holding my hand sucks. You not holding my hand sucks. And I really tried to see how it would be between us now that you know. Thirty minutes with you across the couch was torture, can you imagine what this does to me? So yes, go home or end my misery." He meets your eyes, and have to take a deep breath.
The message is clear. You have no choice but to let him go. Watching him intently, you let go of his hand and step back. Once cleared, Yoongi closes the door and sink down in his seat. You watch as he covers his face, his shoulder now shaking. Watching your best friend cry like this and not being able to do anything is worse than anything, so you walk back up to your apartment, take a long shower and get yourself into bed, only to have a long and restless night.
If it's Yoongi´s words or the alcohol that has your stomach in a twist and your head feeling like a rock, you don't know, but you're more and more inclined to lean against Yoongi´s words. They replay like a broken record. "Either you can tell me you love me and kiss me, or you can go upstairs and let me be for the rest of the night." During the night, you even forced yourself to try and picture yourself together with Yoongi. All you could see was how awkward you would feel to hold his hand or kiss him. You never knew just how platonic you thought of Yoongi until those pictures entered your mind. To you, Yoongi have always been a good friend to lean on. It never crossed your mind to want to kiss him or to be with him in that way. Just the though makes you feel awkward and weird.
The clock finally hits ten, and you let yourself rise from bed. With only a couple of hours of sleep, you make some food and eat before you start to clean the apartment, all in an attempt to distract yourself from the image of Yoongi in the car.
By twelve you remember that you and Hoseok have plans, and you send him a message telling him to just come over whenever. By the time you have showered and gotten dressed, your phone rings.
Jung Hoseok calling.
Suddenly you feel nervous, a completely different part of the night before now entering your mind. You clear your throat and pick up.
"Hi."
"_____," Hoseok says, voice hoarse. "How are you feeling?"
"Not too bad, just a little tired. I can't handle a late night like I used to," you say, trying you very best to put everything aside and act normal
Hoseok laughs. "Don't need to tell me. I feel like dying right now."
His words sends a spiral of doubt through you. Maybe everything that happened last night is making him feel awkward. Maybe he doesn't want to be alone with you now that the two of you… Well, technically you did nothing, but to you, nothing can be a whole lot. Maybe this is Hoseok trying to get out of today's plans; you can't really blame him, feeling a little awkward as well. You decide to bite.
"We can reschedule to tomorrow morning if you want?" you offer.
"No, that was not what I want at all… I'm just calling to ask what you want for brunch." You're a little surprised at the initiative, but try to go with the flow.
"I'll just have whatever you're having. As long as it's not too weird, like banana-pizza or something," you say.
"Why do you not have faith in me? First ballroom dancing and now this? I think I want to break up."
You can't help but smile at the playfulness in his voice.
"But how, oh how, will I make it without you, my love? I was to introduce you to my parents. You were my last hope for freedom!"
"_____?" Hoseok asks, clearly not playing along, making you blush in embarrassment.
"Yeah?"
"Do you even know how cute you are?" Hoseok says, making you blush even more. When you don't reply, Hoseok speaks again, "Can you tell me what you really want to eat, now? The woman on aisle eleven is not very happy with me right now."
"A simple sandwich would suffice, I already ate a while ago."
"Alright. I'll be at yours in twenty minutes then."
"See you soon," you say, not waiting for a reply before hanging up.
After the very awkward episode on the phone, you spend the next twenty minutes trying to force yourself to calm down. You can be normal. You are normal, it was probably the lack of sleep that made you too carried away. You just have to relax and be yourself, and you'll avoid any further embarrassment. Suddenly your phone rings. It's once again Hoseok.
"It's me. I think I'm here - what do I press?" Hoseok asks.
"The one with my name, maybe?" You tease, then suddenly realize he might not know your last name, which is the only part of your name on the name tag downstairs. You run a hand down you face in desperation. "It's apartment 314," you add. A second goes by and the bell goes off, and you buzz him in.
"Thanks," he says, and adds your full name at the end, making you feel fuzzy. Your own name should not make you feel fuzzy, you realize and shake it off. Calm is key…
You wait in the hallway, the sound of Hoseok´s steps bouncing off the walls as he approaches. You see him before he sees you, and you take a second to take him in. The first think you notice is his hair, which still seems to be wet, hanging in front of his face, and you realize you have only ever seen him with styled hair. Until now. Then you notice the hallows of his cheeks. He is wearing baggy clothes today, incredibly making him look even smaller. This Hoseok, the leisurely-laidback-hungover one, is very handsome. You realize that it's his face. It looks longer now, more grown.
Hoseok looks up and sees you. He smiles tiredly, walking slower now.
"Hi," he says, opening his arms for a hug, which you happily step into, letting yourself melt into his warm embrace for a while.
"Thanks for coming," you force yourself to step back, holding the door open for Hoseok to go through.
"Thanks for inviting me."
He kicks off his shoes and places them neatly by the corner.
"Let me give you a little tour of the place," you say, walking further into your apartment, Hoseok right in your heel. "The kitchen," you comment as you enter, turning around. As you watch Hoseok taking in your home, you suddenly feel very aware of every little piece of your kitchen. Maybe you should have hid the half eaten bag of chips left after your breakfast, or lit a scented candle to mask the smell of your cooking. Hoseok is smiling, though, and you relax a little against the counter.
"It's so nice. It's so much bigger than the kitchen at the student hall. How can you afford this?" Hoseok asks, turning his attention to you.
"Oh… I know the tenant, she gives me a good price. I have a job on the side as well, so with the student aid I'm lucky enough to afford this," you explain.
"What's your job?"
"Just retail - boring stuff, really. But it pays the bills, and they're nice enough to accommodate my university schedule from semester to semester." Hoseok nods, seemingly done taking in the kitchen. You move on to the living room. "This is the living room." You don't know you're commenting on the rooms as if he can't see it's the living room. Everything about this - Hoseok in your home - is making your mind jumbled, your body strangely tingly now that it's only the two of you locked in this small apartment together. It's hard to think think straight.
Hoseok goes straight for the pictures you hung up. After a second, he points to the one photo you have of you and your family.
"It this you and your brother?" You nod, watching him taking in the picture. Imagining this Hoseok dancing hip-hop is much easier. It's something about the way he leans forwards, his hands in his pockets. You can't help but watch as his eyes goes back and forth, reminding you of last night.
"What's his name?"
"Jin." Another second goes by before you add: "It's Seokjin."
When Hoseok turns around he is wearing a content grin, making you smile too.
"What?" you ask.
"You're finding this so awkward, aren't you?"
"What, no?" But you are.
"You are!" he laughs, pointing his finger at you.
"Maybe a little bit," you agree, cringing a little. It's just that after last night I can't look at you without getting reminders of what almost happened, leaving a weird feeling of tension in my body. You should tell him that you should forget yesterday. That all you can offer him is friendship. You want to be clear with him, but as you're about to speak, closing that door is harder than you imagined. "I was way too drunk last night, it's embarrassing," is what you say instead. It makes Hoseok chuckle.
"It was a very cozy night." he says, and you groan. "I enjoyed it, _____. Besides, you're my girlfriend, nothing to be embarrassed by, sweetie," he winks, making you blush furiously. You force yourself not to touch your face as you feel it heat up. "Or are you a baby-kinda girl?" You're at a loss for words, and just stare at Hoseok, who is staring back at you now, grinning. Something about Hoseok is so daring to you. Maybe it's his smile, or his hair, or even his voice.It doesn't really when he makes your whole body electric with anticipation. Suddenly you're aware of your own face, and you realize you're grinning back. You force it away to the best of your ability. "Alright, sweetie it is," he concludes.
Quickly turning away, you take the lead into the hallway, tapping on the first door. "This is the bathroom. Help yourself to it whenever. And this is my bedroom." You tap on the last, closed door. "That's the whole apartment."
Hoseok holds up the bag in his hand. "Should we eat?"
"We can eat in the living room?" you offer.
The two of you settle down in the living room, you on one side of the couch, Hoseok taking the corner space oposite. He hands you the sandwich and unwraps his own, resting himself against the couch. For a moment he closes his eyes, leans back and props his feet up on the sectional. You feel bad for making him come all the way and exerting himself like this, especially when he's not feeling his best.
"Feel at home." He eyes you as he takes a bite. Setting an example, you settle yourself back on the couch, your feet now laid straight in the couch, almost laying all the way down. It takes a couple of seconds before Hoseok follows your cue and settles himself further back in the couch, tugging his feet down under himself.
"So, are you close to your brother, Seokjin?"
"Not at all. He's a little too much," you say. "And let's not forget how much of an ass-kisser he is," you say casually, making Hoseok almost choke on his sandwich, laughing. "Ever since we were little he has always just wanted to be perfect, and now he uses that as a way to annoy me and to get one up on me with our parents."
"Sorry, that sucks. He should learn to chill and do what makes him happy instead of posing as perfect, if you ask me."
"That's what I mean! Maybe be wouldn't be such an ass if he didn't try to please our parents so much."
"You parents, how bad are they?"
"Depends on what kind of bad you mean. They managed to raise me with some decent values, I think. However, they…" you think of what to say, having a hard time not putting them on full blast. "Aren't always the most caring parents. I would say the value perfection over happiness, money over memories. You get it," you say, shrugging, trying to make less of a deal of it.
"And let's say I'm not all that perfect, how do you think they would react?"
"Don't worry, you're pretty much there," you say, blushing as you realize what you just said. This isn't very chill of you, but your words are making Hoseok smile widely, so you relax again. You take another bite, letting your words settle between the two of you. "Anyway, that's not the reason I said I had a boyfriend."
A moment of silence passes as you both eat.
"Why did you?"
"To get them off my back," you say. "They're always fussing about one thing or another, and now that my brother is getting engaged soon, I'm the new bullseye. Having a boyfriend will make them stop fuzzing about it. About me. And, hopefully, they will let the whole subject go once we break up."
"Really?" Hoseok seems deep in thought.
"What about your family?" you smile, watching him as he fidgets with the wrapping paper.
"I have an older sister, Jiwoo. We're close, but yet, not… She's quite established - married and pregnant - so she tends to find me childish. We get along and have a lot of fun when she finds the time to meet me," Hoseok says, head falling slightly as he relaxes even more. His eyes are shining now, his face even more open. "My mum and dad live on the countryside, about an hour away with the train. I usually go and stay with them during the holidays, but other than that I have to made do with a phonecall."
"It's nice, though. You seem close to them." He nods. "Do you speak with them often?"
"Not anymore. They're getting older; on times they used to call me they now have to rest. But I have nothing to complain about, we're a tight family."
"Doesn't matter. You're allowed to complain."
Of all the things you imagined today, you never imagined sitting here, having a deep conversation with Hoseok about families. It was probably inevitable when the sole reason you're here is your family. With the conversation having turned serious, you forgot your food. All your focus is on Hoseok and the way he practically melted when speaking about his family. His head is resting against the back of couch, hands now laid on his stomach. You watch him, trying your best to look away, but to no avail. Hoseok watches you as well, locking the two of you in a bubble where time ceases to exist.
"Family will never be easy. I chose my friends based on how well we get along and can communicate. Family is just something you are born into and have to tolerate…" Hoseok says, and you can't help but notice the small frown.
"That's not true. For some people there is real love there," you say, sending him a smile, holding yourself back from patting his hand. "Talking less doesn't take away from the love, it just means you're busy. I bet you all really love each other."
"Yeah, you're right."
"Then why the frown?" You can't help but ask.
"I just miss them," he says, shrugging and gathers himself enough to smile. "Now, please tell me more about your family. What should I, your boyfriend, know about them?"
"My dad is a business man, he owns his own company. They produce, store and ship out products for other companies," you tell Hoseok. "My mum is a housewife, but don't let that fool you. Before she met my dad, she worked as the private secretary and knew the most power people on a first name basis. I've had dinner with politicians, entertainers and even some world leaders. My mum will always be more influential than my dad, you trust that."
"Oh wow."
"Yeah," you breathe. "I have nothing to live up to…"
"You shouldn't compare yourself to her. It sound dreadful, stressful and boring, you wouldn't want to do that anyway. That's not where your potential lays."
"Really? Then where does my potential lay?" you ask, grinning now. Hoseok looks you up and down, a playful look on his face, and leans forward.
"Seduction," he whispers, making you turn red immediately. "Last night, you-"
You cut him off, embarrassed more than anything. "Shut up!" you say through your hands that shield your face from Hoseok´s view.
"I found it cute." You shake your head, hoping for this to stop. "Sexy, even."
"Don´t tease me for my drunken mistakes," you say, laying face down into the couch. Hoseok doesn't say anything else, and your face slowly returns to it's normal shade. When you peak at him, he is staring at you with a grin.
"You weren't that drunk," he adds, and you groan. "Sorry! I'll stop."
"Please do. Just for the record, I don't do those things, you know?"
"What, fun?"
"No, the whole…" you gesture with your hands, a loss for words. How can you possibly explain this without sounding like a dork?
"Making out?"
"One night stand."
"Was that what we were doing?" At his question you can't help but shift on the couch. What is the right answer here? Is there even one?
"Yes? No? I dont know, you tell me."
"It was definitely not a one night stand."
"Alright," you say, feeling like your nerves are all over the place. Why can't you just be relaxed? Usually you would be joking back. Instead, you're a blushing and stuttering mess. In an effort to calm down, you take a short breath in, then out. "Anyway, you keep going off track. Let's get back to the family talk."
Hoseok opens his mouth to say something, but closes it before he does. A second goes by before he speak again.
"You're right. So far we have your dad, the businessman, you mum, the influence itself, and your brother, the ass. Anyone else I need to know about?"
"Nope. I think it's alright for now."
"Then what about you? What else should I know?"
"I´m the black sheep. I'm the one who isn't engaged by the age of twenty-three. I'm in business just to please my dad, but suck at it. And I'm not good looking. My future looks bleak, to say the least. Bringing you will be the best thing I've done."
"Your future might look bleak," Hoseok says, smiling encouraging to you, "but it's only because you're lookin at from the wrong angle. Trust me, you're all good."
There is a silence where Hoseok turns his head, sighing in contentment as you let his words sink in. You want to explain that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it's the opinion of the people who should love you regardless - your parents - that matters to you. How can you convey the feelings you possess of never being good enough just because two people tells you so? How can you explain that you know their opinion shouldn't matter, and they don't, but they do anyway. They matter the most. Because it's easy for Hoseok to tell you that you're good, but it's your parents who want you to succeed in life, knows you better, and who have a better understanding. They know how things work. And even though you would never admit it, their approval would mean the world to you.
When you turn to Hoseok next, you see him laying there, eyes closed and looking tired. Maybe you should just tell him to go home…
"Do you want to watch a movie?" you ask, gaining his attention.
"I'm up for anything."
While you pick the movie, Hoseok collects a blanket and wraps himself in it. You pick the first movie you see and hit play. As the movie starts, the two of you settle down in the silence, watching as things escalades in the movie. Something happens on the screen, you can tell by all the noise, but the lack of sleep and exhaustion hits you. By each minute passing, you can feel yourself drifting more and more. Your efforts to stay awake are fruitless, and with a sudden drop of your head you jump awake again. As if a reflex, you look and see Hoseok looking your way with a smile. Slowly, he scoots down, laying down now. He holds out his arm, opening the blanket with a shy smile, clearly asking you to lay down next to him.
"Come on," he softly encourages, nodding his head. Your head is spinning now. He wants you to cuddle him? "I won't bite," he jokes, his voice low. And you don't have it in you to say no. Not that you want to say no. Every fiber in you are screaming for you move, and so you do, head spinning.
You sit down next to him and give him a quizzing look, making sure he's alright with this once more. Hoseok rolls his eyes, softly grabs your shoulders and drags you down to him. Soon your engulfed in blankets, arms and feet. At first you are too aware of every little thing for you to properly relax. Only when Hoseok brings the blanket higher up and around your shoulders, can your body relax properly.
By now, you're not sure what's happening on the TV-screen, and you don't care. All you can perceive is Hoseok arm that is resting on your hip, and his other hand, now going under the blanket to grab your elbow. Gunshots are going off on the screen, but who is shooting seems unimportant when Hoseok´s chin is resting on the top of your head. You couldn't care less about who won the fight when Hoseok´s thumb is rubbing softly on your arm, lulling you to sleep.
The next thing you know, the livingroom is quiet. You're comfortable, more comfortable than you have been in a long time, and let yourself drift back to sleep.
Suddenly, you're brought back again, the realization that you're in Hoseok´s arms hitting you. Carefully, you lift your head and prop yourself up on your elbow. Hoseok is sleeping, eyes closed and mouth slightly open. You fell asleep… While cuddling Hoseok. The realization sends a small panic through you. This was a bad idea. Just last night you told Yoongi you didn't want a relationship, and here you are, cuddling Hoseok. And yes, cuddling is fine - it can be platonic - but with Hoseok, you definitely don't want it to be platonic. You know as much, and you know it's a bad idea to go down this route.
Carefully, you lay your hand on his shoulder and shake.
"Hoseok?" you whisper. Hoseok opens his eyes slowly, blinking hard a couple of times before resting his eyes on you. He smiles lazily, his hand around your waist tightening. "We fell asleep," you tell him.
"Seems so." Hoseok clears his throat, clearly more awake now. Taking this as your cue, you get out of his arms and stand up. Needing an excuse to get yourself out of the room and recollect yourself, you pick up the bag with trash and walk to the kitchen. After throwing it away, you pour yourself a glass of water, which you chug down. If things weren't confusing before, it certainly is now.
Suddenly Hoseok is right behind you, stretching his body. "I should get going."
Don't be disappointed, you tell yourself, but his ruffled hair is making it hard to be rational.
"I´ll walk you out."
You quickly grab your keys before returning to find Hoseok in the hallway, tying his shoes. After stepping into your slippers, the two of you exit the apartment, Hoseok suddenly turning to you with a wicked grin. You already know what he's thinking, and shake your head.
"Get your mind out of the gutter, Jung."
"I didn't say anything," he says as you climb the stairs painfully slow. "But…" he starts, but only laughs.
"No buts," you say.
"Fine. I'm a boobs man, anyway," he shrugs, and you almost trip down the stairs. Correction, you would have fallen if it wasn't for Hoseok´s hand grabbing your elbow. "Sorry."
"I remember when I first met you," you tell him, stopping to look at him. "I remember thinking you would be a great match because you knew to hold your tongue. I could not have been any more wrong about you," you say, trying your best to be serious, but failing desperately.
Hoseok grins back at you. "I mean, I could hold my tongue, but why would I when you always give me that look when I don't?" There is a pause before he goes on. "Don't worry, I'll be good during dinner tomorrow," he smiles, and you believe him.
"I know you will, I'm not worried about that."
"I have some questions about tomorrow."
"Fire away."
"Where are we going? Should I wear anything special?"
"It's quite a nice restaurant, so you can wear something nice. Nothing too nice, though. A nice sweater with a polo underneath would do the trick. Maybe a nice pair of trousers."
"And what time should I pick you up?"
"It starts around six, but I can walk if it's out of your way."
"Don't worry, I'll pick you up around half six."
"Nervous?"
"For some reason, yes?" he answers it like a question, and the two of you laugh lightly.
"Don't worry, you'll do fine. But Hoseok? Please, if they say anything out of line, try your best to not let it get to you."
"You warned me before," he reminds you.
"I know, but they tend to aim under the belt," you explain just as you come down on the last flight of stairs. The two of you step outside, turning to each other.
"My belt, as well?"
"No." You breathe out. "It's mostly about me. Just don't let them get a rise out of you."
"I´ll ask again, how bad are your parents?"
"Bad enough for me to acquire a fake boyfriend? I usually try to get out of these dinners, but I can't avoid them forever," you shrug. A moment passes. "Thank you for coming here," you tell him, shifting on your feet.
The anticipation of parting ways makes the air heavy between you, andHoseok takes a step towards you, reaching out his hand to touch your cheek, stroking it lightly. Just one more moment, you chant in your head. One more moment… When you look up at him, you meet his gaze, and for a split second his eyes goes to your lips. You know you shouldn't be welcoming this moment, but your mind and body is screaming at you to let it happen. You want it too much to deny it now that it's here, and so, instead of running away, you smile back, your eyes automatically drifting to his lips as well.
You can't find it in you to breathe as he holds your gaze, inching closer. "Thanks for today."
"I had a great time," you whisper, clutching you keys.
"I did, too," he whisper back, taking one final step towards you, his torso now flushed against you. Hoseok finally closes his eyes and leans in, slow enough to give you plenty of time to draw back. You don't, and when his lips meet yours, it's not enough. The kiss is feathery light, your lips barely touching, but it sends your whole body rigid. You want to grab his shirt and pull him to you, but before you can do that, Hoseok steps back, letting out a wishful sigh. "I´ll see you tomorrow,"
You watch him walking away for a moment before turning away, locking yourself back inside.
If Hoseok is nervous, he doesn't let it show, keeping his face blank as he drives. You, on the other hand, are a blabbering mess. As Hoseok drives towards the restaurant, you keep telling him small facts about yourself in case it could be useful. The thought of getting caught in your lie almost sends a shiver through you. Even Hoseok´s hand on yours does nothing to help from this nervousness. So, you keep spilling everything you can remember about yourself to him, hoping it somehow help sell your lie.
"I used to play handball, then switched to football before I ended up not playing any sports at all. When I was thirteen I got braces. I'm a dog person, but my parents never let me get one. I didn't tell you about my brother´s girlfriend, Sienna! She's actually very sweet. A teacher, she's my age. The two of them met -"
Hoseok squeezes your hand. "Even couples doesn't know every little detail about each other, just try to relax. Everything will be fine," he says, turning off the road and into a gas-station, where he stops the car. "I'm just getting myself a coffee, you want anything?"
You shake your head, try to give a smile, which seems enough as Hoseok leaves you alone in the car. The radio keeps playing, the sound mere background noise to your very loud anxiety. It's not too late to call them and say you broke up this morning, you think to yourself. It's not only the thought of getting caught,that is worrying you. Putting Hoseok out there like this, exposing him to your parents is already making you feel worries. Who knows how they will react; what might come out of their mouths.
Deep in your thoughts, you don't even notice Hoseok approaching the car. As he closes the car door, he holds out a cup for you. When you take it, it's hot.
"Thought some tea might calm your nerves," he explains, fastening his seatbelt and drives off. The drive goes way too fast, and you barely finish your tea before Hoseok is parking the car. "Ready whenever you are, girlfriend," he tell you. It's time, and so all you can do is take a deep breath, nod your head and exit the car.
Hoseok opens the door to the restaurant, holding it open for you with a small smile. As you walk past him, he grabs your hand, clutching it as you walk, showing his first sign of nervousness. You spot your parents in the far back of the restaurant at once - of course you do - and you meet your dad's eye for a second before he looks at Hoseok, eyes raking over his body with a frown before he lands on your intertwined hands. Fuck.
"Last chance to back out," you look up at Hoseok. I reply, he lets your hand go, brings his hand to the small of your back instead. Smiling, he leans in and kisses the top of your head. You're not sure if you can keep standing, the feeling of him lingering on you.
"I think it's already too late, your dad is sending me lazer eyes," he says."You're sure he's not actually capable of murder, right?" The joke helps, and you can't help but chuckle with him.
You walk up to the table, your mum watching you as well. "_____," she says, standing up to greet you. After giving her a quick hug, you kiss your dad's cheek, then turn to Hoseok, who is watching with a smile.
"Mum, dad, this is Hoseok," you introduce, at which Hoseok steps forward to greet them with his hand outstretched. The initial introduction goes quickly, and the two of you take seat next to each other across from your parents.
"How did you get here?" your mum asks, looking between the two of you. You lean closer to Hoseok in hopes of looking more like a couple.
"We drove, I was lucky enough to get to borrow my sister´s car," Hoseok answers, and you see you dad sizing Hoseok up and down.
"Is Seokjin and Sienna joining us?" you ask before your dad can speak.
"They should be here any minute," you mum says before turning to Hoseok who is taking a sip of water, hand shaking ever so slightly. "It's so nice to meet you, Hoseok. I wish _____ would have told us more about you, but she can be quite secretive," she winks to him, surprising you. "Rumor has it you're studying the same as her?"
Hoseok nods. "Yes."
"You want to go into business, then?" your dad asks over the edge of his glass.
"Business seems to be the best way to go," Hoseok says vaguely, surprising you with his way with words.
"It is, indeed. _____ isn't quite sure what she wants, yet. She keeps on going with business, though, even if she isn't all that… talented at it," your dad says, making you blush in humiliation. Here we go… The table goes quiet for a couple of seconds. Then, suddenly you hear a familiar voice behind you. Seokjin ruffles your hair in greeting, but you can't get yourself to look up, afraid that the tears will spill.
"You must be the boyfriend?" Seokjin asks, stretching out his hand as Hoseok stands up.
"Yes, I'm Hoseok." A second later Sienna hugs you over your shoulder, which you appreciate.
"Hey, girlie," she says and moves away. "Hoseok, was it?" Some more handshakes and hugs are shared, and then they are all seated again. This time, Hoseok reaches over to grab your hand tightly under the table. The comfort is immediate, and you finally make yourself look up. This time you're not alone around this table.
The urge to ask your brother what made him so late in order to taunt him is strong, but you bite your tongue. "How are you?" you ask Sienna.
"Good, good. Can't complain." Her smile is so bright it rubs off on you, forcing a smile out of you. "You seem good, too?" she asks, sending a quick glance at Hoseok. You blush, making her laugh. "Cutie!"
"Should we order?" Seokjin asks then.
"Good idea," you dad comments. "Tell me, what do you like to eat, Hoseok?" As his name is mentioned, Hoseok hand twitches around yours. You glance at Hoseok. One thing you have noticed is how he smiles continuously. It's always there, never wavering even when he's put on the spot.
"Anything as long as it's properly seasoned and cooked."
"My man," you dad comments, and you almost fall off the chair. "Then you should definitely get the oyster for starter and the house tapas."
"Sounds delicious, I'll trust your opinion, sir."
For a while, everything is fine. The conversation moves away from you and Hoseok to Seokjin and Sienna. They share news that they have bought a house together, and you all cheer, clinking your glasses in celebration. Even though you can't stand Seokjin, you really like his girlfriend. She is always kind, and never indulge in the the hate fest. She must see something in your brother that you're blind to, because she seems completely enamored with Seokjin as she leans into him, laughing.
The food comes quickly, and Hoseok removes his hand from yours so he can be able to eat, leaving you feeling cold. Stuffing your face seems like the best way to avoid having to speak, and so you dive in. Hoseok, on the other hand, savors every bite like it's his last meal.
"These oysters are too good," Hoseok practically moans, setting your whole body on fire.
"So, Hoseok," you mum says, drawing the attention of the whole table. "Did you know you're the first boyfriend _____ introduces us to?"
"I heard a little rumor about that, yes." You think you can see a fait blush on his neck, but attribute it to the lighting.
"What do you think, did the problem lay with us, or is she just picky?" You mum puts him on the spot then.
"Definitely the weirdo over there," Seokjin nods his head towards you, and you roll your eyes.
"As far as I'm aware," Hoseok says loudly, sending a wide smile towards your brother, "the problem isn't around this table, but rather out there. My guess is she didn't deem them good enough to bring home."
Seokjin snorts. "And you are?"
"He is," you say, glaring at your brother. If he wasn't sitting so far away, you would kick him under the table. Picking on you is one thing, but to be like that to someone innocent you bring for them to meet? That's too low, even for Seokjin.
"Oh I don´t know about that." Hoseok shakes his head, sending you a calm smile.
"Do you have any siblings, Hoseok?" Sienna interferes.
"I have an older sister. She's married now, so technically I have a brother as well?"
"What about your parents?" your dad asks.
"They're living in a nearby small town. I don't get to see them as often as I'd like, but it's fine with the technology we have today. They're nothing compared to you, though. I have heard some quite impressive things," he says, eyeing your mother. "I think I should ask your autograph after dinner." Your mum flushes, her laugh high pitched.
"You're flattering me! I'm nothing - at least not anymore."
"Don't be modest, mum," Seokjin mutters, his lips around his glass. "I remember some of those dinners when we were younger."
"You were quite the catch, my dear," you dad says, kissing your mum´s hand.
Some more meaningless conversation follows. The weather, the company and the promotion for your brother. You only sit and watch, glancing at Hoseok every so often, always catching him with a smile. Then, the einevitable happens - you're brought up again.
"Hoseok?" Seokjin asks quietly, gaining your attention, but not your parents´ attention. "Tell me, why my sister?"
"What…?" Hoseok is clearly a little startled. "What do you mean?"
"Why do you want her? I'm sorry to say, but she doesn't seem to be on your… level." This is the moment, you think. This is the moment where every little thing you have done wrong in your life comes back to you.
"What's not to like?" Hoseok asks your brother directly, his smile gone now. You could kiss Hoseok, honestly.
"_____ tells us you're at the top of your class, Hoseok" you dad says suddenly, not having heard your conversation. "Maybe you should tutor her. Help her raise her grade a little bit," he suggest. The worst thing is, you can tell he is genuine in his suggestion. There isn't anything mean about it, he just wants you to become better. However, coming from him, directed at your pretend boyfriend, it's horrifying. You're embarrassed, and you really wish you could burst into flames. No, you really wish you could have a moment to cry.
Hoseok´s smile fades again, and you grab his hand to tell him it's ok. His smile returns. "What do you think," Hoseok turns to you, smiling kindly.
"Some help would be great," you grit out.
"There you go! Maybe things will get a little easier now," your dad smiles, raising his glass. "I didn't know what type of man you could find for yourself, but Hoseok seems like a good man."
Using all your strength to hold yourself back from doing something you'll regret, you stand up and excuse yourself to the bathroom. First Seokjin, then your dad? You must have done something horrible to deserve this.
And you know that leaving Hoseok alone is a pretty shitty thing to do, but it's better than staying here and crying in front of everyone. Walking in the opposite direction is the only thing you feel is right, and so you do. Your eyes land on a bathroom sign, the arrow pointing in the direction you just came from. Great. Instead of turning around, you notice the bar. The universe is telling something, isn't it?
You order two shots. As you wait you focus on anything other than this moment right here: butterflies; your favorite song; the book you just read; a kiss goodbye. Finally you feel stable enough in your emotions, and down the shots. Then, you finally make your way back to the table of hell. As you approach, Hoseok turns in his seat, clearly waiting for your return. He stands up, analyzing you now. You manage to give him a smile, which he returns tenth folds.
Leaning in, he presses his lips to your temple. "Say the word and I'll make up an excuse and get us out of here."
When he breaks away, you give him a pointed look, and he nods.
"Actually," Hoseok turns to the table with an apologetic smile. "I'm so sorry to cut this meeting short, but my sister just texted me; she needs the car. Apparently it's a work emergency. It was really nice meeting you all, and thank you so much for dinner," he says, walking around the table. You mum is frowning, but stands up and engulfs him in a hug. Hoseok shakes your dad's and Seokjin´s hand before receiving a hug from Sienna as well. "I hope we get to do this again soon."
"Thanks for dinner, see you later," you say, grabbing Hoseok´s hand and walk out of the restaurant as quickly as your feet will take you.
Once in the car, you let out a heavy breath. It wasn't great, but you have to remind yourself that it could have been so much worse. You could have actually cried…
With some embarrassment lingering, you sink down in the car, covering your face. "I'm so sorry for leaving you, and I'm so sorry for everything they said."
"It's fine."
"No, it's really wasn't. I should-"
Hoseok cuts you off. "It's fine. I'm not the one who should receive an apology after that dinner."
Hoseok starts the car and drives off. For a while it's silent, the two of taking in what just happened.
"Is it always like this?"
"I have a name for it: hate fest," you try and lighten the mood, to no avail. "When I tell my friends about it, I don't think they actually understand how bad it is."
"How can they? Even I didn't think it would like that," Hoseok tells you.
"Sorry I brought you."
"Can I say something? It might be out of line…" You nod, but Hoseok catches it. "You should stand up for yourself. No one should treat you like that, especially your own family."
"I'm the worst one in the family, they're just disappointed in me." You really don't know why you're making excuses for them.
"Doesn't matter, they didn't show you any kindness. Anyway, it's up to you." Hoseok shrugs. He stops at a red light and turns to you. "Do you have to go home right away, or do you have two hours to spare?"
"What for?"
"My grandma used to take me to the cinema when I felt down. Thought it might help cheer you up, only if you're up for it."
You watch him, a warm feeling spreading in your chest. Usually you have to be the one to reach out and ask for company when you're down. Hoseok wanting to this for you feels foreign, but just the thought of it lightens your mood.
"Yes please," you say. "That would be nice."
Before you know it, the two of you are sitting in an almost empty cinema, the movie playing. You wonder how much Hoseok planed for this, because currently playing is one of the saddest movies you have watched. Ever since in the middle of the movie, you have been crying your eyes out, letting out emotions you didn't even know you had. It would be embarrassing if Hoseok could see you, but in the darkness, you're sure he can't see you. After the movie - and the much needed cry session - ended, you dry your tears on the sleeve as Hoseok conveniently turns away to collect the wrappers from the snacks he purchased. Together the two of you make your way outside, the world now turned dark.
"Thank you for that," you say once in the car.
"I hope you're feeling better."
"All thanks to you."
For the rest of the ride you stay silent, only watching as you drive past your hometown. Once at your apartment, Hoseok follows you all the way to your front door, where you once again turn to each other, Hoseok sending you a warm smile. How many of those does he have? "Let me know if you need anything, alright? You have my number."
You nod.
"How could I ever repay you?" you ask, to which Hoseok wraps his arms around your shoulders and holds you tight. You melt in his embrace, sighing contently. It feels like eternity, but at the same time it feels like only a second has gone by. Surrounded by the smell of Hoseok, your feelings have nowhere to go. The urge to have his lips on your resurfaces, strengthened by all he has done for you today. Every little touch, every little act of service comes to your mind, and it's almost as if your heart sings out for him, drawing your whole body with it. When Hoseok lets you go, the look on his face tells you everything. He is feeling everything you are. Still, he step away slowly, almost as if it pains him.
"I better go," he whispers. You don't want him to go. You want to have everything he has to give you. Anything… Stay, you almost say. Before you can muster the courage, he walks away.
"Fuck it," you whisper to yourself and walk after him. "Hoseok?" You call softly, making him turn around. Before you can change your mind, you stand on your tippy-toes, bring your hand to his cheek and press you lips to his. It's firmer than last night, and you can feel so much more of his lips. A second passes before Hoseok reacts, him pulling you closer. Then it's over, and all you see is his bright smile. "Good night, Hoseok."
This time you're the one walking away, and in the glass door you see him watching you, a goofy smile still on his face.
Synopsis: You can your family are not exactly close. It seems that whatever you do, they never want to accept you. Their newest hangup: your love-life. Or, lack thereof. There is a perfect solution to your problem, and he goes by the name of Jung Hoseok.
Pairing: Jung Hoseok x female reader | Best friend Min Yoongi x female reader
Genres: Fake dating | Friends to lovers | University AU
Word Count: 9.7K
TW: depicts alcohol usage and partying. Mentions of smoking weed and getting high. All characters are of age, of course.
Note: I managed to delete the first chapter from tumblr, so here I am, reposting it...
Read on Ao3
The buzzing sound of people chatting and classical music is what greets you as you enter the restaurant.
“_____,” your dad announces as you approach, getting out of his chair to greet you. “Finally you come to join us for dinner. When was last time?”
You greet you mum and dad with a kiss on their cheek before nodding your head at your elder brother, Seokjin. You try your best to to put on a smile. “I´ve been preoccupied with school and work, but I´ll make sure to join you more." Then, you take a seat next to Seokjin, flattening down the very uncomfortable dress. Once you're all seated around the table, you have to take a deep breath. As much as you try, you're never quite prepared for what is thrown at you during these dinners.
“How is school? Work?” your mum asks lovingly, sipping her wine.
“It´s fine,” you say, trying to shy away from too many questions. It´s not fine. Long from it. In attempt to turn the focus from you, you turn to your brother. “I haven´t seen you in so long, how are things?”
“Forever climbing the ladder, young sister,” he boasts, raising his glass towards your dad and mum. “I was going to hold on to the news a little longer, but I don't think I can. I got the promotion!”
“This is great news,” your mum tells him. She leans over the table to squeeze his hand, her dimple prominent as she grins. Then, realization hits. “Does that mean you will propose then?”
A simple nod from Seokjin is enough to make your mum tear up. For as long as you can remember, your mum has been talking about Seokjin marrying his current girlfriend, Sienna. “Perfect match,” she would boast. “Even the names fit together. Seokjin and Sienna. Sienna and Seokjin.” Seokjin, always over the top, then promised your mum he would get down on one knee once he received a promotion and found some more stability.
“This is great! Taking charge and moving up, soon you´ll be fit to take over my company,” your dad turns to his wife. “Maybe I´ll even take you on vacation once he is in charge.”
You mum starts to boast, happily entertaining the idea of a vacation and wedding, giving you space to relax a little. When having dinner with your family it can go one in two ways: your parents end up going on and on about how great Seokjin is; or your parents and Seokjin start pointing out everything that's not good enough about you. You consider it a good dinner when it ends up being the first one.
“Oh, I hope Sienna says yes,” you mum sighs, not taking her eyes away from your brother.
“I´m sure she will. Just yesterday she was hinting at me to propose,” he replies, clearly satisfying your mum.
“I can understand her wanting to settle down and finalizing your relationship. You made her wait long enough,” your dad laughs, teasing his son. You fake a laugh, gladly taking the backseat of this conversation. The last think you want it is to be in the center of this conversation.
“Good things are worth waiting for. She certainly is.”
“My son, the romantic! Who would have known?” you mum practically gushes over Seokjin.
“You raised me yourself, how could I not become a romantic?” he says. Then there is a pause. Just for a second before your brother turns to you, planting fake worry on his face, and you know this conversation is about to turn. “But I do worry for you, little sis, have you found yourself a boyfriend yet? You know, you´re not getting any younger, and life doesn´t get any easier. I would hate for you to go it alone.” Great, you think to yourself. Dinner hasn´t even been served yet.
You could say no: the truth.
Personally, you enjoy reaping the fruits of single life on campus. Being single makes your student life more enjoyable. There is nothing in the world you would want to trade for a Sunday in with your friends, hearing their stories of guys and girls from the night before.
You just wish you could be able to not care what your dad, mum and brother thinks. However…
“I have! How did you know?” you perk, acting to the best of your ability. Just seeing the look of pure shock on your brother´s face is enough to know the lie is passing.
“I just had the feeling. Congratulations!” Seokjin replies with a tight smile, bringing his arm around your shoulder, holding you just a little too tight. You free yourself before you continue.
“I was going to tell you tonight. That´s why I came.”
“Oh, _____, I´m so happy,” you mother directs her fondness towards you this time, looking truly happy for you and your made-up boyfriend. “Who is this gentleman?”
“He´s a student; we share some of our classes. That´s how we met,” you lie smoothly.
“So, this man, he is the reason you haven´t been coming to dinners?” your dad scowls.
“No, da-“ you try but are cut off.
“Is he taking up too much of your time? Is he taking up your study time as well?”
You want to run. You want to punch your brother in the mouth. You want to scream at them. Instead, you say, “He certainly isn´t. He is even more devoted to school than I am. As the top student in our class, he has actually been a good motivator for me.”
“Oh well,” your dad takes a sip of his wine, eyes narrowing. You know more is coming, and you wait. “I would rather you be focused on your courses and be at the top yourself.”
“Honey…” you mum places her hand on her husband´s shoulder, shaking her head for him to stop.
“Mum. Dad. I have an idea,” Seokjin says. “_____ should bring him next week. Maybe dad wouldn´t be so uneasy.”
Of course your idiot of a brother would bring about a meeting.
“Oh, I would love to meet him!”
“I don´t think it´s time for all that yet,” you quickly say.
“Can´t you bring him next time? For the sake of your old mum?” your mum smiles sweetly.
You´re looking at her, and you realize you have dug a grave for yourself. Nothing good comes out of lies, and now you either have to bring your imaginary boyfriend over for dinner, or you have to refuse your parents and brother.
“I´m sure he wouldn´t mind. I will ask and let you know,” you say cheerfully, already trying to make up an excuse good enough for your “boyfriend” not attending next week´s dinner.
You stand impatiently and watch your mum and dad drive off and you let your smile fall, turn away from you brother, who is already walking away, and start the walk to the bus stop.
Fishing up your phone, you hit call without even thinking.
“Yes?” his voice sounds from the phone, soothing you at once.
“You busy?”
“You sound sad,” he remarks.
“Yeah.” The word is let out with a breath. As you walk you watch your heels. Click. Clack. “What are you up to? Do you want to come over? Maybe get drunk and watch a movie. I´ll even order you a pizza. My treat.”
“You really that desperate? Usually you beg for a while before you turn to bribing,” Yoongi muses over the phone.
“Hate fest just let out,” you say. “If you don´t want to I´ll jus-”
“I´m done with this assignment in twenty minutes. I´ll be over in forty,” Yoongi interrupts. You can just barely hear him whispering the word brat on the other line before he hangs up.
By the time you make it back to your apartment, Yoongi is already standing outside, a pizza box in hand and a plastic bag, conveniently placed by his feet so he can browse on his phone. He looks up at the sound of you.
“Fucking finally,” he smiles brightly, picking up the shopping bag. “Took your sweet time,” he says sweetly, watching you approaching.
“Oh, shush you,” you shove him lightly, unlocking the door and letting in Yoongi first. “Be careful with the pizza,” you instruct.
“I´m not some clumsy little boy. I´m actually a very sturdy man, I think you should worry about yourself, little ´I can´t even walk in a straight line sober´,” Yoongi teases as you both kick off your shoes. You feign shock. “That just looks ugly on you.” His smile is telling you he doesn't completely mean it. “Bring the bag with you,” he says over his shoulder as he walks into your living room.
“I´ll pay you back for the pizza. Those, however,” you point to the snacks in your hand, handing them out to Yoongi. He starts placing the content on the living room table. “Is all on you.”
“Of course. Help yourself to whatever,” Yoongi continues to place different chips and chocolates on the table as you open the box of pizza, leave to get a couple of glasses and plates and return. Yoongi clears his throat. “Was it really hell?”
“Totally.”
“Like, completely?”
“And utterly.”
“Not even a little nice?” Yoongi asks, taking a bite of the pizza and settling down on the sofa beside you. He´s watching you with one hand on his neck, scratching lightly.
“Told you, it was a total hate fest,” you sigh, letting your head fall back on the sofa. “All the way through.”
“Bummer.”
You agree.
In a perfect world your parents would accept you for you, love you unconditionally. In real life they don´t agree with a single thing you do. You somehow never manage to please them. For instance, they complain about you not having a boyfriend, yet complain when you do. Albeit it being a fake one, you remind yourself.
They don´t know that…
“I don´t even think it´s anything I´m doing anymore. It´s all because I am. Maybe I should cease to exist.”
Yoongi shifts a little. “Fake your death.”
“Will you do it for me?” you ask him with the best angel smile you can manage. "Pretty please.”
“Call me pretty one more time and I´ll fucking do it, you know I will. Anything,” he shifts his gaze downwards, laughing.
“You´re the bestest best friend ever. What would do without you?”
Yoongi furrows his forehead. “One,” he holds up on finger. “Bestest isn´t a word. Two,” he holds up another finger. “You would have to fake your death all on your own, that´s for sure.”
There is a pause. Yoongi grabs another pizza slice. You drink your beer. The TV is turned on. Ease falls over you.
All until you remember.
“Yoongi. I did something stupid today,” you say seriously. Seriously enough for Yoongi to abandon his plate and turn to you. “Seokjin has been up for a promotion at work, and you know how that spoiled snake gets everything he wants in life?” A nod. “Well, of course he got that promotion as well. And he had made a deal with mum that he would propose to his girlfriend when he moved up.”
“Yeah? What does that have to do with you?” Yoongi asks on.
“Well, the subject of my love life came up. They wondered if I have a boyfriend. I should have said no. Why? Because I don´t have a boyfriend. Not even a fling. Not even a one-night stand. Dry. But my stupid ass told them that I do,” you tell him, watching his face go from neutral, to disgust, to annoyance.
“You´re so stupid, have I told you that today?” You shake your head. “Well, this is the peak of your stupidity.”
“That´s not even the worst part. They want me to bring this boyfriend to dinner next week.” You groan.
“Oh.” Yoongi studies you a little, mouth just ever so slightly open. “I-“ he starts and stops just as quickly. “What will you do?”
What will you do? Making an excuse seems like the best option. However, that won´t be any better than telling the truth. Excuses will only lead to “next time, then?”, and that will only lead to more excuses, and then what? Will you make excuses until you eventually find someone, and then introduce him to your parents as the same boyfriend who couldn´t find one free Sunday to meet his in-laws?
Maybe saying you broke up is best. At least then you won´t have to lie like this. It´s better to be the same old disappointment than being caught in a lie, either way. Because knowing you, you will be caught.
You would only have to endure scrutiny a little more…
“Who´s the smartest in our class?” you wonder out loud.
“Why?”
“Because I told them my boyfriend is at the top in our class. Anyway, I can´t bring someone stupid to meet them, that would never end well. Maybe I can ask the top male student in our class to pretend to be my boyfriend.”
“That´s no good. Joon is,” he laughs. Namjoon, or Joon, is your friend by association, and you would ask him if it wasn´t for the fact that he has a fiancé at home. Fake dating you is probably not be something he would be up for.
“Ugh, why am I even talking to you about this?” you ask.
“I am asking myself the same question.”
Yoongi has never been the best at emotions. Stuttering. Nervous laughs. Scratching his neck. You know all the signs now. Yoongi, however, has never failed at being there for you when you really needed it, despite his own uncomfortableness.
“Annoying little-” you kick his thigh lightly, still with a fond smile on your face.
“What you can do is to ask someone random from class to pretend to be your boyfriend for a couple of Sundays and then stage a breakup,” he offers. “If you´re going through a breakup I´m sure they´ll leave you alone for a while.”
“Would you do it, though?”
Yoongi´s face goes bright red you notice despite his efforts to hide behind his hair and hand.
“I-I-I… I mean,” he clears his throat again. “Yeah, if you´re asking.”
“But what if it wasn´t someone you knew? What if it was some random girl who came and asked you?”
His face falls, going deep into thought. He shakes his head, no.
“Exactly! And I wouldn´t put someone random through the torture that is my family.”
“You know how awkward I am, I wouldn't be an option for anyone anyway." You're about to object when he says, "Why don´t you just try to ask someone you know, they might be up to it.”
What Yoongi says makes sense. Of course, you could ask someone you know. A friend. Maybe a friend of a friend.
A trashy movie starts on the TV. For the next hour and half the two of you pay attention to the movie. You´re four beers in when the end credits roll, pizza box empty.
Your body starts to feel fuzzy. Room feels light. You feel light. Your mind is getting clouded, thoughts hard to keep. And with it, the desire for physical touch comes back; the one that never leaves. Therefore, you reach out and grab Yoongi´s hand. He flinches first, but settles his fingers between yours comfortably, holding tightly.
“I like this,” you sigh happily. Yoongi hears the slight slur but ignores it. You´re always this near when you´re under the influence. Regardless, he lets you settle against his arm, your head on his shoulder as another movie begins.
He doesn´t know when it happened, but your legs are wrapped around his. Yoongi holds his breath; doesn´t know where to place his arms, or if he can breathe without disturbing you. Eventually he settles down and relaxes, closing his eyes for a minute. Let´s himself have one minute.
“I should head back,” Yoongi whispers when time is up.
“Stay. Let´s sleep like this, you´re so comfortable,” you whisper back, too sleepy to talk in normal volume. And to Yoongi´s astonishment he is actually considering staying the night; sleeping on your couch suddenly seems inviting.
“Let´s get you to bed before I leave.”
“What about that guy?” Dea, your friend gestures towards a group of men as they bustle into the auditorium. “In the caps. He´s hot,” she whispers.
“He is hot, I agree with you on that. No doubt. But he also needs to be intelligent. My parents are meeting this guy so I can´t bring someone dense.”
You continue to scout the room as more and more people filter in. Eventually Yoongi joins the two of you, sitting down beside you.
“Morning,” Dea says.
“What´s up with you?” Yoongi asks as he places his laptop on the desk, watching Dea as she looks around.
“She´s helping me find a suitable “boyfriend”,” you tell him, looking around too. “You know, if I don´t find anyone I might just have to ask you,” you joke, shoving him lightly.
“Don´t even joke about that, _____. It wou-” Yoongi starts but is interrupted by Dea.
“_____!” she is pointing towards the door where a group of guys are standing, chatting. “Jung Hoseok.” It sounds like s a revelation. “You should go for Hoseok. I heard he´s smart, and he looks fine as hell. What´s more, my friend told me he´s a total gentleman. When he wants to be,” she winks.
You snicker, but quickly realize it´s a good match. The few times you have spoken to him he has always gone out of his way to be nice. He is a nice dresser, and he carries himself well. For a minute you watch him, his golden hair bounce with each step. His face lights up when he laughs at a joke.
The few times you have spoken to him he´s always been a couple of drinks in, on a late night with music blaring in the background. You didn´t know if the friendly smile he offered you in those moments was him or the drink. You´re more and more inclined to believe it was him.
“I have his number, I´ll give it to you so you can text him if you want,” Dea tells you.
Disbelief strikes you suddenly. Are you really asking this random guy from class if he can pretend to be your boyfriend to please your parents?
You hear your dad´s voice asking where your boyfriend is in your head, and nod.
“Yeah, please send his number to me.”
The professor’s slide comes up on the screen and the lecture starts. Your phone vibrates and you pick it up. Jung Hoseok contact sent from Baby D.
Best to get it over with.
Hey, it´s _____ from class. Do you have time for a quick chat during lunch? 😁
You hit send before you can start to think about it and set your phone down, holding your breath.
You don´t want to, but you can´t help but see Hoseok in your peripheral vision, picking up his phone. His forehead creasing, his eyes searching the room and land on you for a split second, face turning to a small smile. He types, pauses, and clicks once before placing his phone down again. Your phone buzzes but you ignore it for a minute, taking notes.
Sure 🤟🏻 Find me after class?
You type out Great! I´ll find you, and hit send.
As much as you wish for the lesson to go by slowly, it flies by. You try your best to brace yourself for the conversation; to come up with something to say. The lessons ends before you can, and people start to leave. Even though everyone else is leaving the auditorium you hang back, your friends doing the same.
"You coming to the party this weekend?" Dea asks the two of you, to which you nod. Dea´s almost boyfriend has invited you all to a party this Friday, which falls on your one night free. And even though you should probably stay at home and relax, study or catch up on sleep, you agreed to come.
"Can't…" Yoongi replies.
"Why?" Dea says.
"I can drive, though."
"Why won't you come and be social with us for once? All you ever do is stay at home, write or play ball at the court with those basketball dudes. We're your friends, hang out with us," Dea whines.
"You know a party is not my scene. Just be glad I'll drive," Yoongi says, rolling his eyes.
"You bore."
Then, Yoongi notices how quiet you're being and changes the subject.
“You decided to go with the fake boyfriend then, I see,” he mutters, now half sitting on the desk, his bag over his shoulder. He watches you as you pack up, nodding. “Jung Hoseok?” You nod again. “Why him?”
“What do you mean? I´ve heard he´s a great guy,” Dea tells him. “Do you know something we don´t?”
“No, that´s not it. Have to go, see you later,” he says and walks off.
The auditorium is empty, all but you and Dea, and you see no other option but to go to find Hoseok. As you walk you look for the brown and black hoodie you saw him in earlier. You get all the way to the entrance to the cafeteria before you spot him. He´s leaning against a table set in the hall, typing away on his computer. The breath you take to calm your nerves doesn´t work half as well as you hoped. The whole plan feels stupid to the point that you´re ready to turn around, but you´re too late; Hoseok looks up and meets your gaze, beckoning you over. It feels like something heavy lands in your stomach.
“Hey, Hoseok. Thanks for meeting me,” you say as you approach him.
“Did you know the assignment is due at three today, not midnight?” he asks, his gaze returning to the screen. “I just have to write the summary and fix the…” he fades out, focusing in on his work.
For a moment you just stand opposite him, looking around in the hall awkwardly. Then you start scrolling on your phone while you wait. After ten minutes Hoseok closes his laptop, offering you a smile.
“Sorry, I just wanted to get it all done with.”
“So, can I buy you lunch? Or maybe a coffee?”
“A coffee sound great. Can we go to the café around the corner, though? The coffee in the cafeteria tastes… Actually, I don´t know what it tastes exactly,” he laughs, packing up his computer. His nonchalant attitude make you calm down; like it´s really not a big deal to ask someone you don´t know to get a coffee out of the blue.
Or to fake date you.
“Sure, as long as you don´t make it too expensive on me,” you joke and walk with him.
“Oh no, and I was going to order the most expensive item on the board. Can´t believe I have to downgrade from my usual small black coffee.” The two of you laugh.
“I only offer student luxury at its finest.”
“You´re really too kind,” he muses.
“I try.” You feign pride, pushing your hair behind you shoulder. For a while you walk like this, in silence.
“I take it you already finished the assignment?” Hoseok says, walking up to door and opening it.
“Finished it last week,” you say, your eyes widening as you walk through the door. The place is filled with students, not a single seat to spare. “Ah, I didn´t realize it would be this crowded here. I´ll get you your coffee and we´ll go somewhere else, if that's ok?” Hoseok nods.
The line moves fast, the coffee is made quickly and after a swift scan you find a vacant bench in the middle of the campus park, where the two of you decide to sit down.
“So,” Hoseok says leisurely, his eyes leaving the people who are bustling past you, focusing on you. “What did you want to talk to me about?”
“Can you do me a favor?” you ask, turning fully to Hoseok.
“Sure. What?”
“Pretend to be my boyfriend?”
Hoseok freezes first, his mind going haywire. Did he hear you correctly? Then, when his whole body turns back on it feels so electric, like all his nerves came back online at the same time?
“Excuse me?”
You swallow, your mouth dry.
“Here´s the thing…” you start, smiling. “I had dinner with my parents the other day – I probably shouldn´t bother you with the whole story… Anyway, my parents are really – I mean, I love them, it´s just that they, and I can´t blame them, they just want me to – not just them, my brother as well… What I´m trying to say is that my family is kind of… a lot? And last time I had dinner with them they asked how my life is going; especially how my love life is going. I told them I have a boyfriend.”
“You don´t really have a boyfriend, I guess?” he arches his eyebrow.
“Correct. Which leads us here…”
“You really want me to pretend to be your boyfriend?”
“Kind of? Only for a couple of dinners before we can ´break up`,” you explain. "It would really help me get them off my back."
“Me?” he points his finger into his chest, sitting up a little straighter. “Why me? Don´t get me wrong, but this seems like something you ask your friends to do, doesn´t it?”
“Yes, you. Of course. To be honest, I don't want to cross a line with my friends, you know? It won't be so awkward with someone I don't know that well,” you sigh, looking down at your lap, wishing the ground would just swallow you. “To be honest you would probably be wise to say no, it´ll probably cause you more pain than good.”
“That will for sure make me say yes,” Hoseok laughs. You look up at him in response, smiling a little back at him.
“You really can say no, but you would help me out so much. And think of all the free meals you can get. I would love to pay you, but-”
Hoseok cuts you off by placing a hand on your shoulder, grinning at you.
“I´ll help you out, don´t worry."
"Really?"
"_____, it's not that big of a deal… To be honest, girls have asked me to do worse things," he teases. You make a disgusted face, but chuckle. "It's just dinner and some smalltalk, right?" You nod. "That great, I'll have an excuse to get to know you."
Is this how it's going to be pretending to be in a relationship? During your life, you haven't had a lot of boyfriends, and the ones you did have weren't very affectionate. Hoseok´s forwardness is so new to you it makes you flush. This makes Hoseok grin, rising an eyebrow. In an attempt to redeem yourself, you clear your throat and change the subject.
"It's kind of last minute, though."
"Is it?"
"It's this Sunday," you say, giving him an apologetic smile.
"That's fine."
"Before you really commit, you should know this, and consider this your only warning." Hoseok raises an eyebrow, and you go on; "As you get to know my family there will come a time where you want to punch someone in the face."
"And you want me to follow through?" Hoseok asks, serious. "I don’t think I could do that, I’m not a violent man, _____."
"No of course not," seing his face, you can't help but laugh. "I beg of you, please don't hit my family members. They would think of you as my boyfriend - as the first man I brought home, in fact - which means your actions reflect on me. " you tell him.
"High praises," he grins. "How about this: I’ll buy myself a mouth guard for all the clenching of my teeth I’ll be doing."
"I´ll send you a link to the website I buy mine at."
"Speaking of your parents, I have a question. How should I make sure they like me?"
"Ah," you pause, a sour taste taking over. You wish you knew the answer, but if you did, you wouldn't need a fake boyfriend, now would you? It's hard to accept, yet you swallow the fact and turn on a smile, trying your best to not look dejected.
"Sorry for asking."
"It's fine. Honestly, you haven't done anything wrong, you're only trying to help me."
Hoseok looks like he want to say something. Seemingly deciding against it, he settles on giving you a comforting smile. You realize you made the right choice in him: he seems like someone who can not only accept, but understand boundaries and when to push an when to pull.
"Just be yourself, you're great as as you are." As you speak. You watch Hoseok as he looks down at the ground, his smile growing into a beaming grin. "Don't let it go to your head," you tease.
"Too late, can't you see my head swelling?" He leans into you, showing you the top of his head.
"Sadly I can't see anything beyond those curls of yours." The more the two of you speak, the more you start to relax, a strange feeling of optimism coming over you. This plan might just work, all thanks to Hoseok´s charm.
There is a beat. A second. A moment between you where your eyes lock and your smiles fade a little, something changing between you. You feel like you can't take a deep enough breath to fill your lungs as you watch his eyes jerk back and forth, looking you in the eye.
"Seriously, Hoseok, thank you so much," you tell him. "Please tell me if there is anything I can do for you in return. I'll be in your debt."
"I don´t need anything in return. Just keep buying me coffee and take me to free dinners and let's call it even."
"I´ll make sure it's the more expensive coffee next time, then," you offer, his kindness making you smile again. "I told them you have been a good influence on me, seems like it might be true."
"What?"
"Huh?"
"What else did you say about me?" For some reason your heart rate picks up as Hoseok questions you, heat spreading to your cheeks at the thought of Hoseok catching you talking about him.
"I didn't tell them about you, specifically, but my boyfriend," you explain quickly. "And how great he is at school, motivating me, which doesn't quite apply to you, might I add. If I was to take after your poor organizing skills I would be typing away right now, stressing to get my essay done," you tease, making him laugh.
"Ouch."
"I also told them we met at school, through our shared classes, which is also true."
You look down when you feel something brush the outside of your thigh, and see Hoseok twiddling the pull tab on the zipper of your open jacket. Hoseok have been adjusting himself on the seat, playing with the hem of his shirt or wiggling his fingers as you have been talking. It's a constant, something to settle his flowing blood inside his body. They aren't some big, distracting moves, just small, mostly unnoticeable movements. The fiddling continues as another moment of silence stretches between you, and all your focus is on his knuckles and how they brush against your thigh, just barely.
"What's your hobby?" you question, desperate for a distraction as he keeps fiddling.
"Mostly dance. And I play some tennis, although I don't have much time for it anymore."
And you picture Hoseok dancing. You can see him, with his long and strong body moving precisely. Flexibly. And then an image of him on a green mat, swiftly swinging the racket to hit the tennis ball flying towards him, manifests in your mind.
"What kind of dance? Is it ballet? No, wait, it's ballroom dance, isn't it?"
"Ha-ha," he mocks. "Ballroom? No-no. It's mostly hiphop."
"Are you any good?" you wonder.
"I´ll show you some time," he offers, which you gladly accept with a nod.
"That would be great." There is a pause. "Are you busy this Saturday?" Hoseok shakes his head. "We could get together and kind of make a battle plan. Then we can get to know each other a little as well," you shrug.
"Great, what if we get something to eat?"
"Alright?I'm drinking Saturday and don't tend to do it alway… Can I suggest you coming to my place? " Hoseok perks up. "Oh calm down, it's not that fancy!"
"Then, no." He laughs. "Just kidding. Just send me your address and a time and I'll be there."
Your life usually goes from one to the next with quick speed, never really settling into one thing before the next is already arriving. But right now you can hear the wind in the trees, feel the hot beam from the sun and the total calmness around you. The campus has never felt quiet to you before - but then again, you have never really taken your time to let the silence fall. You don't realize you closed your eyes before you open them again, only to finding Hoseok stretching his face towards the sun, bathing in it. So, you close your eyes again and relax.
Dea picked your outfit and demanded you to put makeup on for the party. To be fair, she didn't have to pout too much before you submitted, put on the clothes laid down for you, added some makeup and did your hair; all the while drinking the cocktail she made, consisting of not enough lemonade to cover the taste of vodka. It burned like crazy going down, but it was worth it, because now, as you walk into the party, you already feel buzzed, which is good because the only person you know at this party is Dea. The only person she knows is the guy she's hooking up with.
The two of you stumble to the beat, the apartment flowing with people. "Babe!" Dea suddenly says, stopping by a black haired man. She places a hand on the man's shoulder, making the man turn around. "Hi," she moves from you, letting you go as she leans into the man, giggling. He kisses her cheek in greeting, then her nose before kissing her lips, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her close. The first thing you notice is his tattooed arm. Of course, you think. Of course Dea would find someone with a full sleeve.
"Hello to you too," he says to her before noticing you standing behind Dea. The man lets go of your friend´s waist, placing his arm around her shoulders instead. "_____?" You nod. "I'm Jungkook, Dea told me a lot about you."
"I didn't! I only mentioned you once or twice," Dea explains to you.
"More like twenty times," Jungkook teases her, making her giggle. "Do you want something to drink? I can make you something tasty?" he offers, which you both accept. You follow him to the kitchen where he rummages through the cabinets and fridge with familiarity.
Jungkook seems nice, making smalltalk with you as he mixes a drink just as strong as Dea made earlier, making you wonder who taught it to whom. As well as the drink, Jungkook lines up three shots, which you take together. Then another. The three of you talk for a while, Jungkook making you laugh plenty. Turns out he studies media science at the same university as you. Most importantly, he seems like a good match for Dea; the two of them stand next to each other with their bodies interlocked, still focusing on you as they make conversation. It's hard to tell through your fuzzy brain, though. You take another shot.
"I was going to offer to take you on a tour og the apartment but I can't guarantee we won't walk into preoccupied bedrooms, so I think it'll be best if we just.. don't. So, -" he claps his hands together for emphasis. "- to your information, there is a bathroom at the end of that hall to the right," he point to the hallway leading away from the kitchen. "Let yourself to it."
"I think I'll go take a look around. Dea, you coming?" You ask, feeling the buzz enough not to want to stay in the kitchen talking anymore.
"I have something to talk to JK about, we'll join you in a minute," she giggles, sending a meaningful look to Jungkook.
You take another shot before saying: "Alright, you kids have fun." You turn away just in time, hearing kissing noises as you walk away.
One song after the other you dance, letting every worry leave your body. And with each new beat you feel lighter, your brain becoming more and more distant. It's not that you don't know you're probably going to be very drunk if you drink much more, but it's that you don't care. Actually, you want it - a worry free and fun night where you can just let yourself go is just what you need.
So, you bottom down the rest of your drink and turn to the kitchen. As if a magnet, your eyes goes straight to the brown locks, brown eyes and that bright smile. This past week you tow have been friendlier than normal, sending smiles back and forth, but not actually breaking the boundary that seems to have built itself up between you, keeping you from actually saying hello. As you're about to pass him, Hoseok´s eyes goes to you, his smile continuing.
"My girlfriend!" he exclaims, turning his body away from his friend and towards you. His words makes you laugh.
Walking up to him, the urge that manifests extra when you're drunk, protrudes through your whole body. You bring your arms tightly around his neck for a hug. At the same time Hoseok brings his arms tightly around your waist. He lets go after a moment, much to your dismay, and you drop your hands down to his shoulder, then to his biceps before leaving him all together.
"Hoseok," you smile, then turn to his friend, shaking his hand. "Hi," you tell him your name. "I'm not really his girlfriend," you nod your head towards Hoseok, who's hand never left your waist after the hug.
"I'm Jimin, a pleasure to meet you," he sizes you up and down, a small smile finally taking over his lips. "What are you then? If you're not his girlfriend?"
"Oh Jimin, you don't want to find out," you counter playfully.
"I think I could handle it."
"You seem a little too curious about my relationship with Hoseok. Got anything to confess to your friend?" you ask sweetly. The retort makes Hoseok howl with laughter, Jimin only chuckling wile shaking his head.
"And that earned me another beer. It was good meeting you, _____. Good luck, man." Jimin makes his exit, and Hoseok leans his back against the wall. His eyes are lidded, clearly intoxicated. The hand that is around your waist brings you into him, making you sigh happily. It seems Hoseok is just as clingy as you.
"You're drunk," you say, smiling up at him as you steady yourself by placing one hand on his shoulder, leaning into him as well.
"Just enough," he sighs happily, his head falling so his forehead meets your forehead . "_____, do you want to come outside with me? I need to smoke up." You don't think, just nod in reply. Hoseok grabs your hand and leads you out to the hallway and up the stairs, him pulling you behind him. Coming up on the third flights of stairs you start to struggle, feeling out of breath and your legs tired. You can feel Hoseok having to drag a little bit more, but you try your best to make your body listen to you.
Out of nowhere your body bumps into something firm and that same hand from earlier sneaks around your waist to steady you. "Sorry if I walked too fast," he says, his hand abandons your waist for a moment to remove a stray hair that is stuck to your lips.
You're pretty sure it's the alcohol, but this - you and Hoseok in the stairwell, his arms around you - feel very intimate. You want to run at the same time as you want to bring him closer to you.
"It's all right. Let's continue," you push out, still a little winded. If you weren't so drunk you would probably be way more embarrassed.
"I kind of want to take the elevator now," his smile is a little crooked.
"Honestly, it's fine," you insist, yet don't make a move.
"I don´t want to make you too winded before the best part, that's all." Your mind goes straight to the gutter, and at the suggestion your eyes goes to his lips. You wonder if he has been drinking red wine, they seem stained. It's only for a split second but you know he saw. The two of you smile at each other. "Come on, let's find the elevator."
Hoseok steps back and grabs your hand. Your eyes are focused on the back of his head as you walk, and you wonder how his hair is styles perfectly, even at the back. The two of you find the elevator, hit the button and watch as the number on top of the elevator change slowly. Hoseok enters first, hits the top floor button and leaning against the wall.
With the door closing there is a shift in the air - the intimate feeling from before emerging between you again. The feel of his body against yours makes something flutter in your stomach, and you realize how good it made you feel. You lean against Hoseok, his welcoming arms wrapping around you. You rest your chin on his shoulder, shifting ever so slightly. As you shift, your lips unintentionally brushes his neck. In an immediate response, the hair on Hoseok´s arms stand up and he shifts even closer to you. So, you brush your lips against his skin again, a little firmer this time. Hoseok breaths out hard in reply. He brings his hand up to your face and angels it towards him, opening his eyes a little as his face moves closer to yours.
"I'm so fucked," he whispers and moves in closer. You close your eyes, urging for his lips on yours.
A ding brings your back into reality, and you open your eyes to see Hoseok pulling back quickly. None of you want to say anything as you pull yourself from him, exit the elevator and walk up the flight of stairs. At the top of the stairs you are met with a huge door, which opens up to a rooftop. There are huge flowerpots filled with yellow flowers growing in them; benches built in wood around them to rest on. Beyond the tall railing you see a beautiful skyline with small lights spread across your city. From here, you can see the whole city.
"This -" Hoseok gestures out to the view. "- is the best part. We come here all the time," he mentions, watching as you walk towards the railing to get a better view of the skyline. Leaning against the railing, you let the breeze cool your warm skin a little.
"We?" you ask, a little stunned by being in a place like this.
"Jungkook, Jimin and I." Hoseok´s voice is a little closer to you.
"This is where you get high, then?" You smile.
"Do you ever get high?" he asks, standing beside you now, he too watching the view.
"I haven´t tried it, no, but you can smoke if you want."
"Ah, it's fine. I don't want that right now." His voice is low.
"What do you want right now, then?" You turn to the man beside you, watching him as he takes in the view.
"First - to get to know you better," Hoseok says. Don't be disappointed, you tell yourself.
"And then?"
"We´ll take it as it comes," he chuckles a little, making the flutter in your stomach return. "You know, I have been up here countless times but the view has been been this great before," he ponders out loud.
"It's probably better at night when you can see all the street- and houselights." As you speak, you step back and take a seat. You sit listen to the low rumblings of life beneath you for a while, enjoying the comfortable silence between the two of you.
Then Hoseok turns around, watching you from the railing, still not saying anything. His eyes, normally sharp and ready for anything, are now half closed. His face and neck is red, probably due to the alcohol. He wears a small smile, which tugs at your heart a little, forcing a smile onto your own lips.
"What's your favorite food?" he asks, making you laugh loudly at the randomness.
"That's what you want to know about me? Sorry, I can't disclose that information to you," you tease, making him smile even wider. His smile suits him so well. Nothing can ever be greater on him, you think to yourself.
"Ah come on, tell me! Your boyfriend should know these things. He should also know the name of your first pet, who your favorite actor is, and what you do for fun."
You were wrong. A pout. A pout is far more devastating on him. It's absolutely crushing, and you feel a little ashamed for the way it is affecting you; like you might actually want to kiss it off his lips.
"You know, if you keep pouting I won't be able to tell you anything," you tell him honestly.
"You are unfair. I told you stuff about me, now I want to know things about you," he walks over slowly, taking a seat right next to you.
"Alright, my favorite food is probably pasta. My first pet was a fish named Lola, who tragically died of over-feeding when I was six. It's hard to pick a favourite actor, but I might have to go with DiCaprio, he's just so great in everything he does. And this is what I do for fun," you gesture around you.
"What do you mean by ´this`? Letting strange, drunk men drag you off to a rooftop to do god knows what?"
You shift a little in your spot, ending up closer to him than before.
"No. Not strange men. Only men that pretends to be my boyfriend. Men that are handsome," you say, watching as he blushes. You shift again, struggling to find a comfortable way to sit on the hard bench. Clearly noticing the lack of comfort, Hoseok grabs your knees and lifts them, dragging you towards him in one swift motion. You're now sitting turned to him with you knees over his thigh. Once again his hand rests around your waist - as if it's supposed to be there. As if it belongs there.
"There," as he whispers you can feel his breath on your face, face merely centimeters from yours. "Comfortable?"
"Very." Your word are barely audible, afraid that if you speak loudly you'll break the spell. There is an unexplainable pull, and once again you find yourself leaning closer to Hoseok in need of having his lips on yours. You can feel every fiber of your body: how Hoseok´s thumb rubs stifles on your thigh; how is fingers curl and squeeze your hip; and his heart beats under the skin of his chest. Every feeling only drives you more up the wall, driving you more and more crazy.
As he too inches forward he wets his lips, eyes fleeting between your two eyes. In an attempt to get him closer to you, you pull at his shirt. Hoseok moves closer painfully close this time, and once again, you close your eyes and part your lips lightly. Afraid of ruining this, you hold your breath, needing this kiss more than air right now.
Then, you hear a very loud clicking noise behind you, then a soft dud and you open your eyes again, seing Hoseok pulling back. His lips goes to a straight line when he looks up to see what the noise is. Next you know he straightens his back, puts on a smile and raises his hand in greeting.
"Hoseok! You´re -" the voice, belonging to one mister Jungkook, whom you will have to kill later, abruptly cuts off. "Sorry, we didn't mean to bother you. We can come back later," he apologizes, clearly figuring out what is happening. All you can do is hide your burning, and probably siren red, face in Hoseok´s neck.
"Might as well come on out now," Hoseok´s chest vibrates as he laughs. The moment is ruined…
When you manage to remove your face from Hoseok and turn around, you find Dea walking towards you with her hand in Jungkook´s, Jimin next to Jungkook. Her face goes from apologetic to a mixture between shocked and amused as she rests her eyes on you. Quickly, you remove yourself from Hoseok, giving your best smile as they approach. It feels as if you've been caught doing something you shouldn't, making it hard to meet your friend´s stare. Jungkook and Dea take a seat across from you, whilst Jimin sits down on the floor, making himself comfortable there.
"How do you guys know each other?" Jungkook asks, leaning back.
"Don't ask," Jimin groans.
"Your crush is nothing to be ashamed of." You laugh at Jimin as Hoseok winks at him. Jimin goes red.
"We study together," Hoseok answers for you. "How did the two of you meet?" he asks back.
As they explain how they met through their work, some more people come out. Time passes as the five of you passing a bottle of something brown and spicy. The more you drink, the less fight you have to resist the man next to you. You mind is fuzzy and your body lazy, and even Dea doesn't seem to care as you rest your head in the place where Hoseok´s neck and shoulder meets, lips brushing against his neck again.
His hand finds your thigh and he squeezes it as he keeps talking, as if nothing happened. To you, this is the most intimate you have felt in a very long time, and in this moment, you never want it to end.
You don´t really know what's being said, all you focus on is Hoseok´s bass voice and the scent of his cologne as you try your best not to fall asleep. You have no idea how much time has passed, all you know is that people are having a lot of fun - Hoseok included as he talks and laughs with the people around you. His arms and jacket shields you from the cold wind, holding you close to him as he chats with his friends. You're not sure how you ended up back in his arms, and you don't really care. It comfortable to the point you might fall asleep like this.
A soft vibration suddenly emanates from the pocket of your jeans, but you try your best to will it away, wanting to stay cuddled like this a little bit longer. You feel Hoseok´s hand stroke up and down you arm.
"_____?" He whispers. "Someone is calling for you."
"Let them," you mutter back, opening you eyes to find him staring down with a smile.
"What if it's something important?" he asks. You ponder who might be calling you until you land on Yoongi, who promised you he would pick you up at two O´clock. You move just enough to reach your ringing phone and deflate against Hoseok when you have it in your hand.
"Hey, I'm outside. I think…?" Yoongi´s voice comes through the receiver.
"Alright. I´ll be right outside," you say, hanging up. "I have to go," you Tell Hoseok, forcing yourself to sit up, shrug off his jacket and hand it to him.
"I can walk you down," he says, but you stop him from getting up by placing you hand on his shoulder. You smile down at him.
"That's alright, my friend is driving me, he's just downstairs. Thanks for tonight, Hoseok. I'll see you tomorrow?" you say, standing up to leave.
"Yeah, I´ll see you."
Before walking out the door to the stairwell you turn around to steal once last glance at Hoseok, who is already looking at you. He winks and you almost trip over the doorframe. You decide on take the stairs down, needing, and wanting to sober yourself up a little.
Yoongi is, as promised, waiting right outside the apartment complex in his brother´s car. As you enter his car his throws you a water bottle and some peanuts. You only sigh and look at him with a smile, greatful that he went out of his way to get you. He smiles back and motions to your seatbelt, which you fumble over your torso and click it in place.
"Drink, eat," he dictates as he reverse the car and drives slowly out of the narrow road. You do as told, opening the water bottle and taking a large sip. "Was it fun?" You notice how soft his voice is. Is it always like this or if it's just you who haven't noticed, too wrapped up with your own narrative to even notice your best friend´s tone?
"So much fun!" you tell him excitedly. "I think I drank too much," you smile even though his gaze is on the road.
"That's alright. You had fun," he assures you.
You're very perplexed, because why is he being so nice to you? Usually he would be annoyed at you and only given the side eye. "Why aren't you calling me stupid or annoying?"
Yoongi sighs, shaking his head but plasters a smile on his face. "You're drunk, why would I be mean right now? Wouldn't you just cry?"
"I wouldn't. It's you, nothing you say will hurt me."
"Do you want me to be mean or something?" he turns out on the main road. "Just sit back and try not to throw up, ok? Don't worry your pretty little head about it." You sit back and decide on eating the peanuts, watching the scenery outside of the window. "For reference, how drunk are you? Barely noticeable and you can keep a straight head drunk, or can't form a single thought drunk?" Yoongi suddenly asks.
"Probably somewhere in the middle. I can feel the tingle but it's starting to wear off. I was outside the whole night anyway, so it could probably be worse."
"You were outside the whole night?" he asks, eyeing your outfit. "In that? _____, you'll probably get sick."
"Why do you care? I had fun! Aren't you being nice to me?"
"I´m always nice to you, you just don't see it."
You take a handful of nuts and hold it up to Yoongi. "Eat," you demand and he does, hesitantly so. "Now tell me, why are you being so nice to me?" Suddenly, Yoongi´s eyes start to shift from the road, to you, and back. His lips is brought between his lip and his ears turn red. When he doesn't say anything, you urge him on by shaking his arm lightly. "Yoooongi," you whine. For half a second he closes his eyes.
"Let it go. You, nor I, want to have this conversation while you're drunk. Or in a car driving on the main road."
"Why not?" you ask, watching as Yoongi grits his teeth.
"Just let it go," he replies. "Did anything fun happen at the party?"
"I was just out with Hoseok on the rooftop."
"Ah."
Thinking about you and Hoseok on that rooftop makes you want to giggle, but you keep it inside. Nothing happened, anyway…
"Have you met Jungkook? He's funny, but so annoying," he say, reliving the moment he interrupted you and Hoseok.
"No, not yet."
"He has a full sleeve, of course Dea fell for him," you roll your eyes. "What did you do?"
"Actually, I hung out with Namjoon and his friends. Did you know he's friends with a scout?" Yoongi asks, sitting up straighter. "I didn't know, but he said he wanted to see me play, so we went down to the court."
"Yoongles. I'm so happy for you! How did it go?"
"It wasn't anything official or anything, but he said he would come to our next game to see me." It's finally happening for Yoongi, you think. He has only had one dream his whole life, and that is basketball. This might be the start for him, and you couldn't be prouder. You lay a hand on his shoulder and shake him, watching as Yoongi grins. "Alright, alright. Calm down or I might crash."
"I´m just so proud! My best friend, Min Yoongi, the famous shooting guard."
Yoongi turns off the highway, and before you know it, your´re on your street. Instead of stopping beside the building, he turns to the parkinglot.
"What are you doing?"
"I´m just walking you up. I was thinking…" he turns off the car and starts to fiddle with his fingers. "We should probably talk," he whispers. As soon as he said it, you can tell he regretted it, but he doesn't say anything else, just let his words sit.
"What?"
"Let's just go up, should we?"
And so, you lead the way up to your apartment with a heavy feeling in your stomach.
Synopsis: The Love Catcher series: Seven men and seven women who are looking for love have signed up for a reality show. In their quest for love, the participants will compete in a series of contests. The pair who wins will get to have a one on one date with whomever they want. Will they find love?
Hoseok has just won a contest and has to chose who he wants to go on a date with. It proves hard, as his attraction lies somewhere surprising.
Genres/AU: BTS as non-celebrities | Looking for love | Dating show
Word Count: 1,686
Read on Ao3
As soon as Hoseok lays down on the bed, the TV-screen lights up, almost as if they know he’s in need of a minute to catch his breath and to think. He needs more than one minute make up his mind, because winning the competition is not synonymous with knowing who he wants wants to bring with him to the hotel, but it seems like he doesn’t have that luxury. He could, and probably should, chose Kim, who he has spent the last day talking with. It’s what people are expecting. But…
"Let’s go! It’s time," Jungkook says expectantly, and Hoseok finds him a little childish. Hoseok can't help but be a little jealous and smiles.
The screen changes, the logo disappearing, a text replacing it's place. It reads: The stakes were high, but in the end, the winners were:. The screen changes again, showing his name. Hoseok and Nala. Hoseok is in disbelief as he looks around: tatted and built Jungkook, tall and muscular Namjoon, and the ever so flexible Jimin were only three of the six men he outmatched today.
The screen changes. Now it's time for the two of you to chose who you want to spend the night with. His stomach drops. He hasn't even packed yet. He only got time to shower, and now he has to leave for a date. The screen changes once more. So, pack up and collect the person you want with you, it says before the logo of the show flashes, then the screen goes black.
He settles himself down on the ground as he pack an overnight bag with what he thinks he might need.
"Do you know who you want to take with you?" Namjoon, who has the bed next to Hoseok, asks.
"You know…" is all Hoseok can reply, overly aware of all the other men listening to the conversation. He has finally made his mind up, and doesn't want their reaction to change his mind. It's not Kim he wants to go on this date with. He appreciates her attention, but it's not there his attention goes to. It wasn't to her his mind went when he tried to decide in the shower thirty minutes ago.
"Kim?" Namjoon guesses, which does not surprise Hoseok at all.
Hoseok shrugs as he walks over to the bathroom. After styling his hair softly, he packs his toiletries and makes his leave.
"Wish me luck, guys! I might need it," he chuckles softly as he steps into his shoes. His nerves are starting to build, but he ignores them as best as he can, not wanting to make a fool of himself on TV.
"Don't try anything," Jimin teases. Just before the door closes he can hear Yoongi clicking his tongue while Seokjin chuckles softly.
On the way to the girls room, he crosses paths with his partner in crime from todays contest, Nala. They smile and nod their heads to each other as they pass. Then, Hoseok is suddenly standing by the door of the womens´ room. To calm himself, he takes a deep breath, shaking his shoulders and jumping al little to get rid of his nerves. Then, he knocks.
"Come in," a choir of female voices sounds from the other side of the door.
Hoseok bows as he takes a step inside. His eyes roams the room until his eyes finally land on the ever so beautiful woman he was looking for. Their eyes meet, and once again Hoseok is so aware of all the attention he is receiving; his ears and neck going very hot. He smiles kindly.
"Camila, can I have a word with you?" he asks, not missing the surprised look on her face, but she nods and gets up either way. Hoseok can't miss the looks of confusion from the other girls as well. Especially Kim, who was smiling widely a second ago, and is now trying her best not to frown.
As Camila approaches, he opens the door, which he closes to give them some privacy once they're both in the hallway. "This is the first date here, and I really want to go on it with you," he whispers. It feels like he is opening his heart for the whole world to see. Literally. She can turn him down and the world will turn it all into a meme, it's very terrifying. However, the woman smiling up at him doesn't give him the impression that she will turn him down, giving him just enough courage to ask her properly. "Will you come with me on a date?"
"I have to pack a bag, will you give me five minutes?" she asks, twiddling her fingers. Can she even say no, Hoseok wonders.
"I will be waiting for you right here."
Camila´s eyes lingers on Hoseok´s another second before she turns around and disappears behind the door. She tries to be as quick as she can, aware that Hoseok is waiting for her, but also wanting to escape the awkwardness that has built in the girls´ bedroom.
Five minutes before Hoseok knocked, Kim was talking about how much she wanted Hoseok to ask her on this date. Even though it's Hoseok´s choice, Camila can't help but feeling like it somehow was her fault that Kim didn't get picked. She receives a confused and hard look from Kim. Camila can understand what Kim is feeling, because Camila would be sad, too, if she had hoped, and half expected, to be picked for a date with the man she liked.
As she exits, all the girls turns to Kim, who is trying her very best to put on a smile as she is trying to make sense of her emotions. Emotionally, she feels betrayed and rejected. Rationally, she hasn't know this man for a week yet; this should be nothing. They have been getting to know each other all of today and yesterday, yes, but he owes her nothing. More than anything, she feels stupid for expecting to be chosen today.
"I'm sorry," on of the girls says, she doesn't know exactly who.
"No, it's fine. Honestly." She can tell the rest of the girls doesn't believe her, but they move on anyway, patting her back and walking out of the bedroom. It's only her and the girl with long blonde hair named Charlotte left; the two girls who have beds next to each other.
"I know it's only been two days, but you are allowed to be disappointed," Charlotte smiles, grabbing her sweater and bring it over her head.
"It's not like I'm sad, he can go on dates with whomever he wants to: that's the point of this show."
"You want to come with and eat?" Charlotte asks, making her way out of the bedroom as well. Kim nods her head, quickly ties her short hair into a ponytail and follows.
The two girls finds the rest of them in the kitchen, most of them sitting by the dinner-table with a drink while Jungkook and Yoongi are cooking up a storm. It smells wonderful, and Kim feels much better, a smile finder its way on her face. This night does not need to be ruined.
She makes her way to the kitchen and starts to wash her hands. "What can I do?" She asks Yoongi, who is standing next to her, stirring the pot. He doesn't look up when addressed.
"Can you cut the tofu into cubes?" He brings his fingers up, measuring with his thumb and point finger. "This big would be fine."
"Coming right up."
Without any trouble, she locates the cutting board and a knife and goes straight to work, setting up her station up next to Yoongi. It's silent as they work, both of them concentrating on what they're doing.
"This fine?" Kim double-checks her work, to which Yoongi first looks at the tofu she cut up, then looks up, meeting her gaze for a second before taring his eyes away. He smiles at the pot.
"Yes."
The rest of the cooking is done, so when Kim finishes cutting up the tofu she starts to bring everything to the table, which Jungkook set. Yoongi follows shortly after with the pot, just as Kim takes one of the free seats.
"Yes, Yoongi!" Namjoon exclaims, clearly approving of the food.
"It smells wonderful," one of the girls comments, and Kim agrees.
Yoongi starts to ladle the food into bowls, handing the first bowl to Kim, making her wonder is he feels bad for her. Either way, she smiles and bows her head slightly. Yoongi settles down as well, taking the chair directly across Kim. She can't help but notice.
"I have to ask," Charlotte suddenly asks after a minute of silence. "Did Hoseok tell you he was going to choose Camila?"
"He didn't tell us anything," Jimin says.
"We were all a little surprised when you told us Hoseok chose Camila," Taehyung says between chews, unconsciously glancing at Kim.
"I guess he had an eye for her?" Namjoon wonders.
"Or…" Kim says, making everyone turn their heads to her. "Maybe he just wanted to get to know someone he hasn't spoken to yet?"
"It is the whole point of being here…" Charlotte repeats Kim's words from earlier, winking to her.
"How do you think it is? Being at the hotel, I mean," Kim asks, trying to change the subject from herself and Hoseok.
"I hope there is room service," Jungkook says without thinking, making him go red as he laughs with the rest of them. "Not like that!"
It doesn't help, they all continue to laugh, Taehyung teasing Jungkook even more.
Synopsis: Three years later you find out something exiting.
Pairing: Reader x Kim Seokjin
Genres: Marriage | Fighting | Pregnancy
Word Count: 2K
Read on Ao3
You sit on the bathroom floor, tears pouring down. In front of you are four different pregnancy tests - all positive. You and Seokjin haven't exactly been trying, but you haven't been using protection since welcoming your daughter into this world three years ago, either. Deep down you knew this could happen, and you silently hoped for it, too. However, never, in your wildest dreams, would you imagine it actually happening: getting pregnant for the second time. Having another baby with the man you live.
"I'm home, girls!" Seokjin shouts from the hallway, probably forgetting your daughter's playdate, which you conveniently scheduled for today so you could take the tests without your daughter banging on the door, crying because you locked the door for once.
"In here," you shout back, standing up with shaking legs. After a couple of seconds, Seokjin approaches the bathroom, looking at you with big eyes.
"What's wrong?" he asks, rushing to your side and hugging you tightly, kissing the top of your head. "What happened?"
"Look," you say, freeing yourself to show him the positive pregnancy tests. "I just found out."
"Oh my god." Seokjin´s first reaction is to laugh, pick you up and spin you around. As he puts you down he kisses you deeply, forgetting everything except the two of you. Then, something enter his mind. "Where's Tae?"
"Playdate," you tell him.
"How did… Why did… I'm so happy I don't even know what to say right now," he says, studying the tests. A realization hits him, filing him with hope and excitement. "This means I can finally do everything right. Last time everything was a mess, but now I can be here for you. I have so many regrets from the first pregnancy, maybe I finally can try and make something right."
"You're happy?"
"Of course I am! Not just happy, extatic," he says, pausing. Seokjin falters a little as he takes in your tears. "Are you?"
"I am! It's just a lot. Honestly, I didn't think we would ever get to do it again. To have a good pregnancy," you tell him honestly. "And I'm scared from last time. Not only was I all alone last time, but I also had that scary experience when I started to bleed. Seokjin, there is so much I haven't told you. Did you know I had the worst morning sickness?"
"You haven't," he says, hugging you. "But I'm here now, I can be here for you and experience it all with you this time. Trust me, everything is so much more stable. I am much more stable. And I'm here, for whatever you need." He looks at you for a while. "I'm sorry it turned out like this, baby. This should be an happy occasion, but it ´s tainted."
"You're right, things will be different this time," you say, giving him a kiss. "I trust you. I can be happy about this. "
"So… Should we celebrate?"
"What are you thinking?"
"I'm thinking a steaming hot bath, some snacks and a good drink. Just the two of us."
"Sounds perfect."
It's dinnertime. You, Seokjin and Taeyang are sitting by the dinner table, Seokjin cutting up the food for your daughter while you just look at them, loving them so indescribably much.
"Darling," Seokjin says to you, nodding his head. You nod back. "Tae, baby, there is something we have to talk to you about. Mom and dad want to tell you something exiting," he says.
"Exiling?" Taeyang asks.
"Exiting, honey. Exiting," you tell her, and she repeats the word back to you. "It means something that makes us happy."
"Am I exiting?"
"The most exiting thing in the world," Seokjin tells her, smiling lovingly at her. Right now, it feels like his heart might grow out of his chest. " Are you ready to hear the other exiting thing?"
"Yes!"
"Do you know how you were made?" you ask, earning a shake of the head. "Well, mom and dad decided we wanted to have you, so we gathered all the love we had for each other and put it in my belly. Then, you started to grow inside of mommy's tummy."
"How?"
"Well, mommy has something in her tummy that grows babies, and first, she grew you!" you tell her.
"How?"
Seokjin chuckles. "It's difficult to explain everything to you right now, but do you want to hear something very exiting? Something just as exiting as you?" Taeyang nods her head enthusiastically. "Right now, in mommy's tummy, there is another baby growing."
"How?"
"Dad and I wanted to have another baby," you tell her.
"What about me?"
"You will have a little sister or brother! Someone you can share your love with, your sadness with, and your happiness with." Taeyang looks displeased, and so you go on. "And we will love her just the same as we love you, not any less, not any more."
"How?"
"Mom and dad will have to grow their hearts to make room for the love we have for him or her," you explain, watching as Taeyang looks at you with huge eyes.
Seokjin smiles and places Taeyang drink in front of her, reminding her to drink. "Baby, this means you will always have someone to play with and talk to. Doesn't it sound fun?"
"I dont know…"
"How come?" Seokjin asks.
"What if the baby doesn't like me? Or if I don't like baby?"
"We don´t want you to worry about that. The baby will love you because you're you. And if you're angry at the baby then you have to come to mom or dad and talk to us about it and we can figure something out. However, I don't think that will happen. Do you know why?" Taeyang shakes her head, and Seokjin goes on. "Because siblings have a bond that makes them love each other. Maybe you feel it already?"
"Can I touch the tummy?"
You stand up and show them your non-existing baby belly. Your daughter stretches out her hand and touches the stomach, closing her eyes hard.
"I feel it! I feel it!" she shouts, making you and Seokjin laugh.
"See, I told you."
"Remember Taeyang, mom and dad will always love you," you say, hugging your daughter.
"Yes, always."
You walk in, your daughter on your hip. You don't really know why your heart is beating so fast, or why your hands are so clammy. There is nothing to be nervous about. Your mum and dad, Seokjin´s mum and Seokjin are all waiting for you in the living room. As soon as Taeyang sees Seokjin´s mom, she starts to fuss, demanding to be let down with her whole entire body-language.
"Granny!" She shouts, running as fast as she can, stretching her little hands in the air in front of her. It's a luxury seing her granny as she lives so far away, and always reacts the same when she sees her.
"My lovely. How are you?" She asks, leaning so your mum can greet Teayang as well.
"I have new toy!" You daughter says, pointing to her new pretend doctor set in the corner of the living room. Taeyang is put down and runs directly to it, ignoring the grownups again. You share hugs and settle down on the couch.
"It's great that we could all gather again. It's been too long," you say, grabbing your husband's hand.
"It has! I was saying this to Jinia just the other day. How great of you to arrange this," his mother says. "Have you been well?" She asks your parents.
"Oh yes. I just retired," you dad says happily.
"That sounds nice."
"I finally have time for my lovely wife," he says. "But she thinks I should take a cooking course."
"Yes, dear. Then it wouldn't hurt my tastebuds as much," your mum teases, clearly not meaning it.
There is a couple of seconds of silence, and then Seokjin speaks up, making your heart rate pick up. "Tae baby? Can you come here for a minute? Your grandparents wants to see your new shirt."
Happily, your daughter runs over, proudly displaying her new shirt. In yellow glitter it says: Best big sister! You parents look confused.
"What?" You mum asks.
"We're pregnant," Seokjin finally says, and you can tell how happy he is that the two of you can do it properly this time. "Again." Your parents erupt with joy, all of them moving forward to hug you, Seokjin and Taeyang.
"Congratulations!"
"It's finally happening again!"
"There you go!"
"How far along are you?" Seokjin´s mom asks, placing her arm carefully around your shoulders.
"Just 3 months, but it's getting harder to hide it," you say with your hand over the small baby belly.
"We are so happy for you," your mum says, drying her tears.
"You did good," you dad tells you, kissing the top of your head. "And you," he tells Seokjin, grasping his hand, but seemingly changing his mind, dragging him into a hug. Then, he picks up his first grandchild. "What about you? Are you exited to be a big sister? You know, they will always look up to you. You will probably be their hero," he says, clearly making your daughter light up.
"Mommy says her heart will have to get bigger with all her love for us! I think the same thing happen to my heart, it feels big."
"That's right. And dad's heart is getting bigger too, it will only continue to grow to make more space for all of us. He already loves us so much, I think his heart will become the biggest one," you tell her.
Taeyang places her head over her granddad's heart. "What about grandad?"
"Of course, I can feel my heart getting bigger already," he plays along.
"No." You daughter announces. "My heart is biggest."
You almost cry - what a perfect family you have.
Seokjin enters the car, already late for work. Taeyang was fussing over he shoes this morning, and made the two of them late. As if Seokjin´s life wasn't busy enough already with a very, very, very pregnant wife, a toddler and his own company just taking off. He wouldn't trade it off for anything, though. Finally he feels like things are settling down after the scandal that blew up when he left his management.
He sees your name on his phone: missed call. He instantly hits call, waiting impatiently.
"Hi, darling!" He says once you accept. On the other side of the phone he only hears heavy breathing. "Is it happening?" He asks.
"Yes! Meet me at the hospital," you manage to say and hang up.
And no, Seokjin doesn't speed. There is another, perfectly logical, explanation as to how he is at the hospital only ten minutes later, even if the drives normally takes fifteen minutes.
He runs up to the front desk, telling them his wife is in labour and is coming her. They ask for your name, and can inform him that he came here before you.
All he can do as he waits for you in the private room is fix the duvet on the bed and draw the curtains. Then open them again, just in case you want some light. He realizes that you probably prefer privacy over lighting, and close them again.
And then you enter, and Seokjin loses all track of time and space. All he knows is you, the pain you feel and the swivel of emotions he is feeling. You're wearing a look Seokjin has never seen before, and he is so proud he could cry. You're doing so well, everyone are telling you so, but Seokjin still tells you. Again and again as he holds your hand, brings you ice chips and places a cold cloth to your forehead. He wishes there was more he could do, but settles down with the thought that he, at least, is here this time.
Before he can properly prepare himself, you are told to push, and push you do. Things happen so fast, and he doesn't know anything anymore. Nothing makes sense anymore, but it doesn't matter, because your are delivering his second baby girl, and he has never seen anything like it. Never felt anything like it. Tears mixes with sweat. And then it comes: the scream. And Seokjin knows:
Nothing will ever be good enough after this. Nothing will ever come close to this feeling.
End Note:
I hope you all enjoyed this story. Seokjin really came a long way! We´re all proud of him, aren´t we? <3
Thank you to those who gave kudos or commented, it really means the world!
I´m planning another story, so keep a lookout.
Synopsis: Seokjin is finally starting to figure out what really matters.
Pairing: Reader x Kim Seokjin
Genres: Marriage | Fighting | Pregnancy
Word Count: 2,4K
Read on Ao3
The next morning
Seokjin wakes first, his eyes landing on your sleeping face as soon as they open. You have changed quite a bit since last time he saw you: you have gained weight, making your face round and much cuter; you have grown out your natural hair instead of keeping up with the dye; and your skin has this new glow to it.
You stomach has obviously grown a lot since the last time, and Seokjin scooches down until he's face to face with the baby-bump. He might be overstepping… Whatever, he has always lacked restraint. He places his hand on your stomach, leaning his forehead against it as well. Then, suddenly, he feels movement beneath his hand. He presses his fingers against your stomach, which earns him more movement.
"Are you guys bonding?" Your voice startles Seokjin and he quickly removes himself from you. "I think she likes it, you can keep going," you say, placing your hand on his head.
"Did you sleep alright?" Seokjin asks your baby, pressing his fingers against your babybump again. The baby doesn't move. "Are you ignoring your dad?" The baby answers by kicking hard against his fingers. You and Seokjin laugh together. "Lucky for you I love you," he says, pressing his lips against the skin.
His eyes shifts up to yours, his ears now flaming red. "Sorry, I didn't think… I-"
"It's fine," you say, smiling reassuringly and letting your fingers go though his hair.
"Did you sleep well?" Seokjin asks, still watching you.
"I slept like a baby. What about you?"
"Better than I have in over a year," he confesses. "Can I get you anything? Food? Something to drink?"
"The most pressing matter right now is my bladder. Help me up?" you say, happily asking Seokjin for the help you've wanted all along.
When you come back from your bathroom break, Seokjin is sitting in bed with a small selection of foods and drinks laid out on the bed.
"Breakfast in bed?" he suggests.
As you eat breakfast in bed, Seokjin tells you about his tour.
"I finally got back on the stage after five minutes. The crowd was so rowdy, I didn't think my fans could ever be that loud."
"What does it feel like? To be on the stage, night after night, tenths of thousands of people being there to see you?" you ask.
"No words can explain it, honestly. The only way of explaining it is total acceptance. I know these people come to see me, and in that moment it feels like I'm one hundred percent accepted by those people who are cheering me on." There is pause where you don't know what to reply. "Speaking of tour. I have to go back in three days, and I want to make sure we're on the same page before I go. You might have gotten carried away in the moment yesterday," he says, fidgeting with the duvet. "But I meant everything I said. I don't want to be without you anymore. I don't know if I can."
"Me neither." You take in a breath, ready to say something more when Seokjin speaks.
"What happened with us, it won't happen again. From now on, I will try my best to lean on you, so you can lean on me, too. I heard what you said yesterday. You're right; it wasn't a good strategy, but I'm willing to learn and to evolve… With you."
"We can learn together, and let's trust each other with everything, okay?"
"Of course. If you'll have me, that is."
"I don´t think there will be a time when I don't want you, Seokjin."
"How is it so easy for you to forgive me after all the messed up things I did?"
"I haven't forgiven you yet. But, you have been my husband since we were young, some miscommunication won't be the end of us. Besides, I love your dumb ass, more thank I think you understand, I would be a fool to let that go" you say, smiling as Seokjin´s face turns red.
"You're an incredible woman, do you know that?"
"Isn´t that why you married me?" You tease.
Mischief takes over your husband's face. "No. Your banging body and thick lips was the reason I married you."
"Ah, good to know," you laugh.
After all this time, it's weird to have things back to normal with Seokjin. Almost like you can't believe it. And when you think it can't get any better, Seokjin shifts on the bed and hugs you, letting you rest against him.
"What's the plan, then?"
"The plan is to go on tour, call you as much as I can, and when the little one," you smile at this, "is starting to come out, I will fly straight home. I will be on the Asian leg of the tour by then, so it won't be too long of a flight. Your only job is to call me at once you feels something so I have a chance of making it home before she pops out."
"You really think you can make it home?"
"I've had eight months to plan, I will make it home."
"Let's try this marriage again, huh?" You ask. For the first time in many, many moths, Seokjin leans down and presses his lips onto yours.
"Happily, my love."
Time passes quickly while on tour. Travel, soundcheck, show, sleep, and then repeating it all again. A month passes like this, the weather turning colder, the nights turning darker. Yet, everything feels warmer and lighter to Seokjin. Nothing has changed since he came back tour, yet, everything has changed. Because now he has your nightly calls to look forward to. Also, in moments like these, when he's getting last minute touchup on his makeup done, he can finally text you. It's been five minutes since he sent the last message, and he's just waiting for your reply when your name pops up on his screen. Incoming voicecall.
"Hey, love," he answers the call.
"Jin," you say. Seokjin can hear you're stressed.
"What's up?"
"She's coming."
"Who?"
"The baby, honey. I just had my second contractions. I think. I'm on my way to the car now to get it all checked out. I will update you once I know, so for now just sit tight, alright?"
"What, no. You shouldn't be driving. I'll call your mum and get her to pick you up before I leave."
"We´re not sure it's the real deal. I read that some have fake contractions. Let's hear what the doctor says before you leave, alright love? You have a show in thirty minutes, you shouldn't miss it for a fake labour," you say, already getting into your car. "I have to hang up, I'm driving now. But I'll call you once I hear anything, alright?"
"I´m leaving. I really don't want to miss this, _____," Seokjin says, getting up to find his manager. "I love you, call if anything happens or you need anything."
"I would love to have you by my side, but it's up to you. Anyway, I really have to hang up. I love you. Bye."
"Drive safe, bye."
Seokjin hangs up just as he finds his manager.
"_____ is in labour," he doesn't mention the fake contractions, already knowing he won't get to go if his manager hears it might not be real. "I have to go."
"Seokjin, you have a show in thirty minutes. Everyone is already inside the venue, you can't cancel now," his manager tells him.
"I´m not missing the birth of my daughter. I will leave with or without your blessing. Will you help me get there in time? Please?"
His manager seems to be weighing his options before nodding. "Of course. I'll order you a car and call ahead and tell the airport to ready a private jet for you. Can you just wait in the makeup room? Let them do their job in case there are any paparazzi at the airport."
Seokjin does as told and waits. And waits. And waits. The more time that passes, the more nervous he gets. He's about to become a father. You're about to go into labour. Everything is about to change. What if he isn't ready for this? What if messes it all up and drops his daughter on her head? Or if he does something stupid and traumatizes her?
Suddenly his stage managers approaches, telling him to follow him. Seokjin, in his nervous daze, follows him, accepting the things being handed to him. Only when they count him down does it click. He isn't about to get into a car and go to you, they are about to push him on stage. Behind him he sees his manager smiling, putting his thumbs up.
"You got this!" He shouts over the loud audience.
As the cheers erupt, Seokjin knows he has no choice. Either he goes on that stage now, or he can be pushed on. There isn't an option that says run away and take a flight home.
13 hours later
Seokjin rushes into the room, his eyes immediately going to you on the hospital bed, a small baby laying down on your naked chest, both of you covered with a little blanket. You look tired and sweaty, but smile as you see your husband.
He's too late, of course he is. He missed everything.
Getting to your side as fast as he can, he places his hand on the back of the baby, kissing the top of your head as he stares down at his daughter. She's here.
"You did so well, my love. I'm sorry I couldn't be here for you," he says, placing another kiss to your forehead.
The nurses and obstetrician greet him, all of them trying their best not to stare. As they go about their work, Seokjin keeps staring down at your daughter, unable to fathom that she is actually here.
You notice him staring and smile, tears coming to your eyes. All the pain from the birth was gone the second your daughter was laid on your chest, but the emotions are wearing off, and you can feel every painful and tired bone in your body.
"Here, take her. Say hello to your daughter."
Seokjin doesn't need to be told twice, carefully placing his hands around your daughter. Slowly, as if a sudden movement would crush her, he maneuvers her around until she's placed in his hand, her bottom placed snuggly into his palm, her head resting against his long fingers.
"Oh my god," he whispers, not believing his eyes. In his eyes, she is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. The picture of perfect. "Oh my god," he repeats.
"Say hello to your dad, baby," you say, well aware that the nurses are still in the room.
"You can't say that. I'm already a mess," Seokjin laughs, a couple of tears escaping his eyes. Carefully taking a seat on the chair beside the bed, he holds her so you can see, too. "We haven't even named her."
"What about Seokjina?" you joke.
"What about _____?"
"Ew."
"We´ll figure it out." Finally coming out of his trance, he peers up at you. "_____, how are you? Did everything go fine?"
The obstetrician steps in, smiling at you. "_____ was a warrior. Nothing can break this one, am I right?" Seokjin nods proudly. "Everything went just as planned, nothing to worry about. She will need some rest and help, though," she says, eying Seokjin.
"And I'm going to give it to her. Thank you for keeping my girls safe," he can't help but say, almost cringing at how cliche it sounds.
"It's my job. Now, I think we should get these nurses out and fix some skin to skin contact for dad, as well. And some privacy. How does that sound?"
"Wonderful," you and Seokjin say in unison.
Ten minutes later it's only you and Seokjin in the room, him leaning back on the sofa, his daughter against his bare chest. You're trying to not fall asleep. It's silent, just the small noises of your daughter can be heard.
"I'm going to break my contract with my management," Seokjin suddenly says, barely audible.
"What? Why? Did something happen?"
"They didn't let me go to you when I told them you were in labour. They tricked me onto the stage, which is why I missed everything. And, not that it's an excuse, but all those times I couldn't show up, came home late or I seemed off when I came home, it was them. I wasn't allowed to go home. They have taken over my life, and I can't afford to have my life ruled by someone who doesn't take my wishes into consideration. Not anymore. I still have four years left on my contract, so the best thing will be to break it and take the fine. We might have to move and downgrade, but…" Seokjin doesn't know how to explain himself to you.
"Yeah, but that's a small price to pay for your freedom. I have been thinking the house is too big to raise a child in, anyway," you say. "Let's move… Let's get you out."
Seokjin turns his head to look at you.
"You mean it?"
"Yes, Seokjin. I will always be on your side. Whatever you feel you have to do, I stand behind you. I trust you so much I would probably follow you into fire," you laugh, closing your eyes at the pain it causes on your body.
"Are you in pain? Should I call the nurse? They can probably give you some pain medication."
"I´m breastfeeding. Can't take any pain medication," you explain. "But I'm fine. It's all worth it, just look at her."
"Tell me if it gets too much. There must be something else we can feed the little one with at this huge, expensive hospital," Seokjin tells you. "Don't be brave, you deserve anything you want right now."
"Anything?" you ask. Seokjin nods. "Even a Big Mac?"
Seokjin laughs, stirring your daughter. She settles quickly, grabbing onto Seokjin´s finger.
"I will never, not once, be able to tell you no - you probably already know that, right?" he asks, his heart swelling as he watches your daughter fall asleep again. He turn back to you. "And yes, especially a Big Mac. I will give you anything you want after giving me her," he says, nodding his head to his chest.
"I'm so exited to see what she's like. What her dreams will be, her goals."
"I´m scared."
"I am, too. But we're in this together so everything will work out just fine."
"_____?" You hum. "I want to say I'm sorry again. It took me way too long to chose you. But I know what I want now, and every single thing starts and ends with you."
Synopsis: Seokjin somehow ends up and Yoogni´s front step mid breakdown. What happens when you show up?
Pairing: Reader x Kim Seokjin
Genres: Marriage | Fighting | Pregnancy
Word Count: 2,8K
Note: Ouch, I hurt my own feelings while writing this...
Read on Ao3
Seokjin doesn't know how he ended up here. Or, he does. He knows exactly how every little thing he has done over the last year has pushed him to where he is, but he thought he had been doing good lately. After you announced you didn't want to have a relationship with him, he emerged himself with more work. The damage was already done, and being stubborn about it wouldn't help. So, he left and continued on with the tour. It made him feel better to not be around you and to not have time to think about you.
Yet, better was still awful. You would enter his min at horrible times, clouding his entire being, taking a hold and turning everything dark and heavy. Like the time he was in the middle of an interview and a woman came in, the clicking of her heels sounding exactly like yours would do in the hallway of your home. He excused himself just in time to make it to the bathroom before everything ruptured. And just as he would manage to forget you after a couple of weeks, you would call to update him about the baby, brining it all back again.
Months went on like this: finding private corners where he could catch his breath; car-rides turned twice as long so he could get his emotions at bay; hotel-rooms as safe havens at the end of day. He usually spent his nights turning around in his bed, crying just enough to avoid puffy eyes the next day. It was never enough to let the pressure all the way off, but it would take some of it off. It was tiring and horrible, but manageable, which was all he went for. He just needed to get to the end of this tour.
So, how did he end up here, at Yoongi´s couch sobbing his eyes out? All he knows is that Yoongi´s words are not helping, because, no, he shouldn't calm down, and, no, he can't tell him what happened. He doesn't even know how to breathe properly right now.
"Just tell me what happened, man," Yoongi says, giving a silent thank you to Jimin as he places as glass of water on the table in front of Seokjin, who is basically in Yoongi´s lap at this point.
Ever since you asked for a co-parent relationship, Seokjin has tried to tell his best friend about it. He even called him one time, fully intending to tell him, but the words wouldn't come out, and he spluttered out some words about him being excited for the baby.
Seokjin tries to speak, but the thought of you enter his mind and another wave of grief crashes over him. Grief for your future, the future he had in mind with you.
"I got you," Yoongi says with his hands tightly wrapped around Seokjin´s shoulder. "Just breathe."
"Should I call her?" Jimin mouthes to Yoongi then, eyes wide and filled with tears. He never was great with other people crying…
"I dont know," Yoongi mouthes back.
"I will," Jimin decides, disappearing into another room. Anything that might contribute stopping those horrible sobs coming out of Seokjin is worth trying.
Seokjin takes a deep breath and sits up, tears still flowing out. "God damned," he whispers, finally calm enough to speak. "I'm so sorry I just came here. Didn't really know where else to go."
"Home?" Yoongi suggests, trying to get down to the problem. Seokjin shakes his head, his face scrunching up again.
"That's the problem. I can't go home."
"What? Your wife is angry so you don't want to go home?"
"She isn't anymore."
"Great! So why are you-"
Seokjin cuts him off. "My wife, I mean. She isn't my wife."
"What?"
"She…" Seokjin is hit with another wave of tears spilling as he sinks to the floor, hiding his face in his hands. "Co-parents," he manages to get out.
"Fuck," Yoongi swears, his heart breaking for the two of you. "What can I do?"
"Let me stay here for a couple of days until I go back on tour? My manager sent me home for the rest of the week, and as I said, I can't go back to our…" he breaks down again, more tears and louder sobs escaping.
"Of course. Anything, just let us know. Any one of us," he says, referring to Jimin. Yoongi moves over and does the only thing he knows to do: he drapes himself around Seokjin, hugging him with all his might. After a while Seokjin calms down, which is Yoongi´s sign to let go and settle himself back against the couch, his hand still on Seokjin´s back.
"No one knows yet, so I would-"
"Oh, dont worry. I won't say anything."
"Thanks. And… I'm sorry for being so mad after you told _____ I signed the papers. Even if you knew I would never file them, you did the right thing. She had a right to know."
"You don´t have to apologize, it's perfectly understandable. I know you regretted it the next day, but Jimin… He said he would tell her if I didn't, and he promised me he would tell her everything. I though it best if it came from me… From someone who had your back. You know how Jimin is with _____. They're like… I don't fucking know, but sometimes I swear she comes before me."
"I'm glad. At least she has him, you know?"
"So it's all set in stone? Has she filed?" Yoongi asks softly, treading carefully.
"If she has, I haven't heard yet. We don't speak, she only calls when it's baby stuff."
"You guys haven't had the best couple of years, she might just need time," Yoongi tries to help, but he knows nothing he does can help how his friend is feeling.
"I´m just taking her word for it right now. I fucked up and it's time I take the consequences." There is a pause. "Is it not fucked up?" He laughs a bitter laugh.
"What is?"
"I'm glad my dad can't see how I turned out."
"Stop. We all make mistakes. Your dad would still be proud of you."
"He wouldn't, though. He cherished my mum with every bone in his body, and he tried to instil that in me. He would be so ashamed to have me as his son," Seokjin reflects, hanging his head low.
Just then, Jimin comes back in, a plate of pasta in hand, which he hands to Seokjin.
"Thanks, you didn't have to."
"Yes I did. Do you expect me to have the Kim Seokjin in my house and not cater to him and his fine ass?" Jimin asks dramatically, which drastically lightens the mood.
"You're great, but lets see if you made some for mee, too," Yoongi teases, getting up to explore the kitchen, only to come back out empty-handed. "You only left a mess for me, I see," he huffs, rolling his eyes to Seokjin.
"I always leave you a little something, something," Jimin winks and gives him an air-kiss. "Now eat, it will make you feel better," he tells Seokjin.
And Seokjin does, silently watching his best friend and his husband having lively conversations about what has happened since they last saw him. Apparently, Jimin got a new job, Yoongi got a promotion and the two of them are wondering if they should move and get a dog. It's all good news, but to Seokjin every piece of information feels like a stab to the heart - a reminder of what he has lost.
He manages to hold it together and smile though. That is, until the doorbell rings. Jimin runs to the hallway, having hushed conversations with the guest.
"You expecting visitors? I can just make my self scarce and go to bed," Seokjin says, already on his way up when he hears someone approaching from the hallway.
He takes one glances at you, quickly turning his head away to hide the tears that are once again falling. His loses all remaining self-control, and all the bottled up hurt and pain takes presence. And he thought hearing your voice over the phone was torture… In an attempt to get away he tries to hide his face in the crook of his elbows, leaning his arms on his knees. Turned away from you.
Yoongi is once again at his side, hugging Seokjin to the best of his ability from the awkward angle.
Frozen to the spot you wait, watching as Yoongi tries to talk to Seokjin. Jimin said Seokjin was a mess, but you figured he would be drunk or angry, not a crying wreck. You don't know how to deal with this… A part of you want to leave and be over him, to have someone else tend to him. Yet, you don't have it in you to leave or to look away.
"Has something happened? Why am I-" you quietly start to ask Jimin why you're here before you stop yourself. Instead you ask, "Is he alright?"
"I dont know what's happening, but I think he told Yoongles…" Jimin explains quietly and out of earshot from Seokjin. "I though he was going to be on tour for another couple of months before coming home? He just showed up here, unannounced and in tears, so something must have happened," he says.
"Ah," is all you can say, unable to take your eyes away from Seokjin.
"_____ you don't have to be here. You can leave if you want," Yoongi says empathically, eyes shining up at you. No words come to your mind.
Finally Seokjin calms down, saying something to Yoongi, who is rising to his feet and walks towards you and Jimin.
"I got work in the morning," he says randomly. "I can drive you home before I go to bed if you want?"
"It's fine. I drove here by myself." Your voice is shaky, anticipation suddenly thick in the air. You lower your voice. "Is it okay if I stay?"
"You're always free to stay here," he says to you before turning to the whole room. "Let's go to bed, Jimin. You, too, have an early start," Yoongi says, wanting to give the two of you space to talk. Yoongi and Jimin exit the living room, leaving only you and Seokjin. You approach the couch uneasily, taking a seat as far away from Seokjin as you can.
"Are you alright?" you ask.
"Yeah," Seokjin says weakly, not daring to look at you again. "Nothing that I can't handle. Nothing you should have to deal with."
"Should I go?" you ask as you realize this might be about you. Seokjin doesn't answer. "I'm sorry if me showing up here made it worse. I know this sucks."
"Can you please not leave? I just..." Seokjin pauses, tilting his head back and blinking furiously, trying to hold his tears in. He breathes in and continues, "you're right, this sucks."
"You should try and drink something," you suggest.
"Now you're giving me advice? Trying to take care of me?"
"Seokji-"
"No, I like it. Please continue."
"What happened?" you ask, not wanting Seokjin to change the subject.
"It just go too much: the tour and everything. I got burnt out."
"I dont understand how you have it, but I'm exhausted and I don't have a camera shoved up in my face seventy percent of the time, or people around me at all times. No wonder it all got too much," you say, making Seokjin look up right into your eyes.
"Yeah, well… I can't change the timing of it all. Life just goes on. No matter how much it feels like time stopped, that clock just keeps on ticking on. The tour is still booked even though my wife left me."
"You should still take time to process. To manage," you say.
"If I do that, it will make everything real. And if everything is real, what will I be left with? All I have been since I came out of university was your boyfriend, then you husband and now… Nothing?"
"You're Kim Seokjin, a great singer and a cool performer. You're a father. You're a great creator and you amount to so much more than you think. Being my husband is the least grand title you have ever held, trust me."
"It's the only thing I want to be, _____," Seokjin whispers.
Hearing his words, these words you have always wanted to hear, makes you mad and sad at the same time, mostly because it's too late. Everything is done now. Tears find their way to your eyes, making you unable to speak.
"I shouldn't say things like that, right?" You don't respond, still fighting your tears. Things have been hard for you, too, and being like this with Seokjin… God, it's suffering at its worst. "_____? I have been thinking so much these past months, and I realize how hard it must have been for you, back then. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm sorry I couldn't chose you when I should have."
"Don't apologize. It won't change anything. We both messed it up," you whisper back. "I meant it when I said I want you, but you have to want me too. Not just when it's convenient, but also when it's hard."
Locking his eyes on the table, Seokjin speaks slowly. "I want to. More than anything."
"Then why don't you?"
"It's not always that easy. At work, I'm not always as great as I might have led on. This industry can easily spit me out, so I have to be better to keep my job. Being better means I have to stay late to practice when I want to go home and have dinner with you. Being better means I have to record when I should be resting. Being better means I have to have stay at work rather than to go home to you."
"Who made you think like that? I know your fans would love you either way. A mistake on stage isn't going to end your career, but being burnt out might end you, which is so much worse."
"My manager. Other people… They're right, though. I know I'm lacking and should work to make up for it. Now, I'm not saying that's the whole reason we ended. When I came home feeling alone, tired and frustrated I let it out on you, which I shouldn't have." Seokjin pauses, wondering if he should tell you everything. Figuring he has nothing left to lose, he takes a deep breath and goes on. "I pushed you away because I didn't want to bother you, and after not talking to you about my stuff, it started to feel like you didn't care. Every time I refused to talk about it, it would just fuel this fire I had, and… Now we're here."
"I didn't know that…" you say, reliving every conversation in your head, trying to pinpoint the exact moments when Seokjin pushed you away, trying to spare you.
"Yeah, that was kind of the point," he chuckles awkwardly.
"Why didn't you just tell me? I can handle it. I'm your wife, do you not trust me?"
"I would trust you with my life," Seokjin says, trying to figure out if you misspoke.
"Then, what…?"
"I'm your... I was your husband, and the last thing I wanted was to lay my own burdens onto you."
"Seokjin… We are partners. That means your burden is my burden. You didn't need to tell me what happened for me to take on your burden, I took it on just by seing you struggling. That's what happens when I love," you say, subconsciously moving towards Seokjin, who succumbs to his emotions and breaks down again. You place you hand on his shoulder, making him lean onto your thigh. "You can't go your whole life not turning to others for support. Let someone be there for you."
"Someone like you?"
"Yes."
"Is that why you haven't filed?"
"Yes."
"Is there still a chance for us?"
And you curse yourself, because after everything, how come the answer is still yes?
"I can't seem to let you go," you whisper, meeting Seokjin´s eyes.
"Please," he says, getting on his knees, grabbing onto your hands. "Let us figure this out. Let me be the husband you deserve."
"Seokjin…"
"I won't let it be like last time. I refuse to hurt you again."
"I should get home," you say, readying yourself to get up. Once standing, you look down at Seokjin, trying to contain the butterflies at the sight of his puffy eyes, ruffled hair and pink cheeks. "I think you should drive, I am eight months pregnant, after all."
Synopsis: You and Seokjin try to figure out what you have become.
Pairing: Reader x Kim Seokjin
Genres: Marriage | Fighting | Pregnancy
Word Count: 2,8K
Note: I posted this chapter last night, but then I took it down and made some (a lot of) changes to it! So, here you go, an improved version of chapter 5. Hope you enjoy!
Read on Ao3
Your hand brushes the space where Seokjin used to lay, only to find it empty. You're waking up alone, again. It's not any different from those other days you woke up alone, yet it's so very different. It's different because you know Seokjin is in town, and he's still not with you. After all the emotions from last night, you really wish he would be here, holding you.
A movement in your peripheral vision catches your attention. Someone's brown hair is moving, slowly getting off the ground. You realize no one else is supposed to be at home, which sends your heart racing, adrenaline suddenly rushing through your body. You quickly grab the first thing your hand finds, hitting the brownhead as hard as you can. The pillow doesn't do much; it only flopps around the head before it lands dully on the ground.
Then, you see Seokjin´s face by the mattress, stopping your every moment. He rushes off the floor and settles next to you, his hands lightly stroking your arms.
"It's only me," he soothes, trying his best to calm you.
"Seokjin?" you whisper. He's here? Did he sleep on the floor?
Somehow you have forgotten how Seokjin looks when he wakes up; his eyes are still hooded with sleep, his hair is un-combed and a line is imprinted across his cheek after sleeping heavily on a pillow. And all you can do is stare at your husband, who stares right back at you. He doesn't shy away from your stare like he has done for the last year, he embraces it - stares just as intently into your eyes, at your lips, at everything in between. It's intoxicating, it´s dizzying, and it's Seokjin: all you have missed, hated, and loved these past months. And he's here. You reach out to touch his cheek, letting your thumb brush the soft skin.
Seokjin´s gaze moves further down, resting on your stomach. His hands inches forward, grazing the outline of your bump as something different takes place on his face: something you can't decipher. Even after all these years, you still have no idea what´s going on in his mind.
"_____," he whispers, thumb still rubbing you soothingly, eyes staring at the bump with tender eyes. You move the duvet out of the way and roll up your T-shirt to expose your baby bump. Seokjin moves his hands to the bump at once, fingers leaving light touches all over your stomach. "You're so beautiful." There is a silence where you and Seokjin sit together, staring at your baby-bump. "She's getting bigger," he whispers.
"Soon, she'll be a real person, dealing her own feelings, making her own decisions, and finding her own dreams," you say, trying to hold yourself from crying.
"I hope she'll be happy. That we can make her happy."
"I know we will try our hardest, and that must count for something," you say, swiftly brushing your hands over Seokjin´s hands.
"I sure hope so."
Seokjin moves further down on the bed, lays his head down on your stomach and closes his eyes. A sigh leaves his lips when you brush your fingers though his long hair. You watch it bounce back into place before you do it again, and again.
For now, you tell yourself, things can just… be. Not everything has to be defined. The past can be just that: the past. Living in the present and feeling your feelings as they are right now is just as important, which is what you do for the next fifteen minutes: letting yourself enjoy this first moment of being a family with Seokjin. Minutes passes like this, with the two of you leaving soft touches, bodies intertwined and at peace. You're sure Seokjin has fallen asleep, but then he suddenly opens his eyes.
"Let me make you breakfast." At which you nod. He doesn't move, and you can't say you want to complain. "I have to move now, right?" he asks, his pout earning a soft chuckle from you. "Okay, stay here. I'll be back when it's all ready."
He kisses your bump before he removes himself from you, covers the bump with your T-shirt, and backs out of the bedroom. You move to the bathroom, where you tale a shower, trying your best not to think about what is happening, has happened or is about to happen.
There is no sign of Seokjin when you exit the bathroom, so, despite Seokjin telling you to stay in bed, you make your way downstairs. You find Seokjin by the stove, the table already set. When he turns around and notices you, he smiles.
"I wanted you to stay in bed till it was ready," he says, making another pancake.
"And I didn't want to just hang around. Can I help you with anything?" you ask, trying to spot anything that needs to be done. The food and drinks are already on the table and it seems everything is cleaned up.
"Please, sit down and relax. It'll be done in a minute." This time, you do as told. A minute later, Seokjin approaches with a plate of pancakes.
"Thanks," you say, already putting food on your plate.
"It's the least I could do after-" he stops himself, his ears turning fiery red. "I only mean to say that I have been away for so long, I wanted to make it up to you."
"Yeah," you say, biting into the pancake "Sure." As if some breakfast could make up for the time he spent away.
"_____, this is coming out all wrong." Seokjin clears his throat. "I have a meeting in two hours, but I should be free for the rest of the day, let's have some dinner together?"
"Let's do that."
Seokjin knows he has disappointed you. It's not that doesn't want to talk about yesterday. However, the last thing he wants is to bring it all back again, or to make things worse for you by having to relive it all again. So, despite his desire to talk about it, he keeps his mouth shut and eats breakfast. As do you.
Seokjin notices his manager at once, and he takes a seat next to him. "Good morning."
Just as he sits down, more people flood inside the meeting room, all of them bowing to Seokjin as they enter. He doesn't know who any of these people are. It's a normal sponsor meeting, then.
"Kim Seokjin, this is Kiera Ford. She works for Nike. She is here to take us through this meeting in one piece," his manager introduces. "Kiera Ford, this is Seokjin-ia, our one true star."
Seokjin smiles and bows his head politely. "Good to meet you."
"Mr. Kim, it is an honor to meet you" the woman says in a heavy American accent. "I really think you will like what we have, and I hope you'll be wiling to work with us for your tour."
Seokjin nods once again. Smile and agree with your company. Be excited to be there, but not too excited.
Everyone in the room already knows the outcome of this meeting, which means Seokjin´s time is being wasted. Time he should be spending with you, is spent in this conference room, making a deal that is already made. Now that he's finally back in the country, he should actually be at home. With you.
His mind goes to last night. He didn't want to burden your mum with all his questions. He wanted to have that conversation with you, so Seokjin held back on asking all the questions he wanted to ask. Now, there are even more questions and worries. Like what-
"Seokjin?" His manager asks him, a very fake smile displayed on his face. "What do you think?"
"Of course I like the idea." He quickly attempts to read the room. Seeing the people around him smile and nod, Seokjin goes on. "I have always liked Nike, I'm looking forward to this collaboration."
The rest of the meeting is more of the same, and it ends quickly.
"Thank you so much, everyone. Take care. Have a good flight back home." And then the conference room empties, leaving Seokjin alone with his manager. "Let's talk about what happened, Seokjin. Are you really that uninterested in your career that you don't even bother paying attention in the meeting?"
"No, sir. I pro-"
"Then what? Are you getting old and tired? Unfocused?"
"Absolutely not, si-"
"What is the matter with you, then?"
Seokjin doesn't have an answer for his manager. Keeps his head bowed instead. "Sorry, sir."
"Sorry? Is that all you have to say?"
"I will do better. Be better. Keep my focus. I messed up," he says, hoping to come across as believable.
"Yes, you will. Don't forget who gave you everything. Who made you the star you are. Who pays you every moth. Your home? I paid for it. Your wedding? You're welcome. That kid of yours will be provided by, you guessed it, me. And by the looks of it, you wouldn't be anywhere without me. I'm telling you this because I want the best for you, and the best doesn't just land in your lap when you're zoned out in a meeting."
Seokjin nods. It´s not like his manager is wrong, but Seokjin has worked hard, he has made sacrifices to get to where he is. It's Seokjin who spent all those hours in the dance studio, taking vocal lessons and in front of the mirror perfecting his facial expressions. So no, it's not only his manager who has done the work. Yet, there isn't anything he can say about about it: standing up to his manager will only make it worse…
"And I'm grateful for all you have done for me. For how far you have pushed me," he says.
"You should really be better at expressing yourself then, if this is you being grateful. Take the rest of the day off. I expect you to be more focused from now on." His manager scans Seokjin from top to toe. "That's all."
Seokjin doesn't hesitate to leave the building, getting into his car and speeding off towards you, towards his comfort. He knows a bad day can become better by just being with you. Even though he doesn't actually talk about this bad part of his job with you, you always manage to relieve the tension after a long and awful day.
When he arrives at home, you're sitting in your office, working, the baby bump drawing his attention as soon as he enters. He can't help but to smile at the reminder of your baby, forever a piece of the two of you, mixed together into something perfect.
He walks up to you, gathers your hair to one side and starts messaging your shoulders gently.
"Hi," you exhale, closing your eyes as you lean up against Seokjin. "This feels so good."
"I'm glad. You should be relaxing."
"How was work?" you ask.
"It was alright," he replies. When you don't respond, he leans down and takes a look at what you're working on. What he sees almost brings him to tears. "You're… Designing a clothing line for babies?"
"Seokjin, this baby of mine isn't about to be unfashionable. Look," you say, shuffling through your papers until you find the one you're looking for. It's a yellow one-piece with the writing: My good luck charm is my face. Then, you hold up another piece of paper with the same one-piece, but with different writing: #1 daddy's girl. "What do you think? That first one is a quote from you, actually. Did you know?" you smile up at him as he does a double blink. There is a small smile displayed on his face. He double blinks again.
"Ah…" he clears his throat. "No, I really didn't."
"It's a lot, isn't it? We created this thing, and that's really beautiful and impactful," you place your hand on top of his, squeezing.
"Yeah. But I'm unbeliavably grateful. Can you believe that we will be responsible for another human being in a couple of months?" he asks, grabbing the first drawing to examine it closer.
"We are already responsible, Seokjin," you say, letting the statement settle between the two of you. "If something happens to this baby while it's inside of me…" you think out loud.
"Is that something you're scared of?" Seokjin asks, abandoning the drawing so he can grab your hand. He leans against the desk, facing you, all his focus on you. He couldn't be there for you last night, but he is here now.
"I'm scared of a lot of things, and after last night.... I realized there are even more things that can go wrong." You shudder.
"I can't even begin to understand what it's like for you," Seokjin says. "When I came home and saw your mum, I knew something was wrong. When she told what happened, I…" Seokjin doesn't say anything else.
"During the whole thing, all these scenarios kept running through my head, and no one could understand my worry. They all kept telling me to keep calm. The only person I wanted beside me was you," you say, squeezing his heart. Seokjin squeezes your hand in return.
"I´m so sorry I wasn't there with you, my darling. I wish I was."
"Jin…" you sigh. Hearing the nickname feels weird after all this time without. So much has happened this last year. You can try your best to ignore it, put it aside and not deal with it, but it's there. Weither you want it be or not. It happened, and you can't pretend that it didn't. Because Seokjin signed the papers. He accused you of not being faithful. And lastly, he insulted you even more by thinking you would actually trap him in the marriage with a baby. Things have changed too much between you, your feelings have changed too much. Yet, Seokjin is here, calling you by your pet name…
"What I said in that e-mail still stands," you say. "We can't be anything more than co-parenting. At least not now."
For you own sake. For the sake of your daughter.
"Can we not try?"
"The last time I saw you, you wanted to divorce me and aaccused me of cheating. Some emails doesn't take away what happened between us. What was said can't be taken back, and you can shred those papers you signed, but that feeling is still with me. You hurt me, and I won't just lie down and let you walk all over me again."
Seokjin drops your hand.
"I'm not walking all over you. I love you, and I am asking you if you think we can try again, if you could ever forgive me for my mistakes. I'm trying my best to show you how sorry I am. How is that walking all over you?" Seokjin asks.
"You're not showing it, though. You're not showing up when I need you. All you have done is write me an email, but that's not enough. There are conversations to be held. Difficult conversations. But you're leaving in a couple of days, which doesn't leave enough time to fix things," you try to explain.
"Then let's have the conversations! I know I'm leaving, but what's stopping us from having them here and now?"
"It's not a single conversation. It has to be multiple conversations where we try to understand each other again. Trust each other."
Seokjin swallows hard, you're breathing in your nose, exhaling through your mouth, both of you just trying to hold on. With your eyes closed, you turn your head downwards, not wanting to look at the man in front of you anymore. In the silence, you move your chair back, away from Seokjin. "Trust doesn't come back easily when it has been broken."
"So this is it? You're not willing to try? To fix things with me?"
"I would be willing to try, but it will be too hard with this tour. I promised you I would support your dreams, and I still doing that, which is why I'm not asking you to put it off and stay here with me. But, Seokjin, I can't let your dream come before my own well being. So you leave, and I'll stay here, and we'll do what we can."
When you look back up at Seokjin, you see something you've only seen a handfull of times: at his father's death, when he got rejected by the fifth company he auditioned for, and the night before he left for his first tour.
He rises from the desk, takes a step towards you, hesitates, then takes a step back again. His whole bodyweight hits the desk, tears falling freely.
"So, what? You want to divorce me? For real?" he whispers, holding your gaze.
"No. Don't you get it? That's the last thing I want, Seokjin."
