My promise to the love of my life.
Hey. I have nothing to lose by sending this. You probably won't read this anyways. I don't know actually how to start this email so I think I'll just say what is easiest. I want to start by apologize to you. I said so many times when we spoke last I now know how you feel and I never actually said sorry. It hurts so much. I'm sorry for hurting you and I really mean it. I do think that since you said you're not even sure you loved me that I'm probably suffering more. I'm suffering enough that I had to leave as soon as possible after we spoke. I've been home since and it's so fucked up how this time last year I was the happiest person in the world. I'm here now and I feel like I've died. I've been replaced. You've moved on and I'm shattered. There has been no greater pain than this. My parents know everything. I wasn't planning on telling them anything but it came out. I told them about you and me and everything. It's been a few days. My mom said something to me that I already knew but made so much sense to me at the time. 'Nothing comes for free, you have to work for love.' I always knew this but something clicked. Patryk, I will always love you. The feelings I have for you are something that are so real that it's impossible for me to imagine them going away. So I came to a conclusion. They won't go away so might as well keep them. You told me not to wait for you Patryk, but that's exactly what I will do. I will wait for you. You put so much effort into trying for us when we were together and I didn't put enough. So this is my new journey. At this point, if you're still reading this, you're probably like 'something must be wrong with him, he must be fucked up.' I don't think I'm making any stupid psychotic mistake. I don't feel fucked up. I fully understand what I'm saying. My stupid mistake was letting you go. During our relationship, I wasn't a person enough for myself and for you. I didn't live life. I didn't appreciate you or how much you tried and cared for me. You managed to find something in me to love, or try at least. I still feel like I'm not there yet, but I know I can be everything I wanted for myself and for you. You're probably laughing or saying to yourself that I must be joking. You'll might even tell everyone you know how retarded I am and make it a joke. I'm not joking though. I have faith. If there's anything you can believe and if you remember, my faith is really strong. So believe me when I say my faith in my feelings will get me through. You have a new life and new people you care for. I haven't forgotten. I'm not going to stop my life in one spot waiting for you. I won't grow if I do that. I will continue to live and become a better person, and I will be waiting for you as long as I can. I know what I have to do to become better. This is how I will work towards love. Who I was wasn't ready, but I will be. I won't bother you. I won't send you messages or anything, you won't answer them anyways. You're probably not even reading this email, to be honest, I don't need you to. You'll probably block me on everything. I'm doing this because I really believe you are the one that got away. I believe this with all my heart. I don't know how long this will go on for, but I'm ready to fight against time. Yours forever, MK
