#yourpaterson

[carloswilliamcarlos]

Miss Katie, tell all of your slutty friends to go down to my office. I want them facing the desk, palms flat on the surface, legs straight and backs arched. No one moves, no one makes a sound, everyone waits patiently for Professor Paterson. Perhaps they could use the time to think about what they've done wrong.

You heard him, sluts, let’s goooooo

I can’t promise I’ll think about what I’ve done wrong, but I can promise I’ll think about all the things I’m about to do very right 😇

[clumsycopy]

I want both

[desiraypark]

Boiling Point (Pt. I)

So, on another platform, @yourpaterson​, @leather-and-embers​, and I started a little something. It got angsty. It got love triangle-y. Hate-sex was involved. A lil’ jealousy. I’ve decided to expand upon this potential love triangle with a backstory for “Desiray”. Characters: Desiray (as a character) x Kylo Ren x Paterson (not yet mentioned)

Disclaimer: This backstory is fiction. None of it is a reflection of my personal life, my childhood, or even my personality. // Content Warning: Abuse (memories of); engrained misogyny; broken home; broken mother/daughter relationship; broken (non-existent) father/daughter relationship; child abuse; burns; abortion mention (as punishment/in an abusive tone). Mentions of supernatural abilities. 

When did Desiray know she was “alone”? When she was 15 years old.

“Watch the pot on the stove for me, will you?” Mama requested. Desi nodded. Her sister sat across the table from her, doing her homework. Desi was doing the same. Mama left the pot of boiling noodles when she went to use the restroom. 

Bubbling, bubbling--not quite ready.

No one knew it, but Desiray was at a breaking point. Her first boyfriend--well, who she thought was her boyfriend--he’d denied her in front of his friends to raucous laughter.  “I’m not trying to be your boyfriend, I was just trying to fuck,” he’d said once the laughter subsided. 

____________________

Even when she was an embryo, Desi had learned that no matter how often and how much people hurt you--especially men--you must remain dignified. Ladylike. Take verbal and physical assault in stride. Your patience would be rewarded, someday.

“I should have made you get an abortion,” Desi heard her father say when she was floating in her mother’s belly. Yes. 

"Who...who told you that?” Mom asked when Desi brought it up.

“You should have gotten an abortion like dad said.” That’s exactly what Desi told her mother in an argument.

“Who...who told you that?”

“I heard him say it.” _____________________

Dad was in the living room watching television with a drink in one hand and an appetizer of a sandwich in the other. Because he was the only one in the home deserving of an escape from his family. And of course, when his mental vacation was over, he decided to bring hell to his wife.

Bubbling, bubbling...one more minute.

Voices raised. Desi rubbed the weariness away from her forehead--hoping that her ability to hear might be temporarily erased with the rub. Dawn, her sister, shrunk in her chair. Mama came into the kitchen. Sigh. That usually resulted in Desi and Dawn being caught in the crossfire. 

Bubbling, bubbling...turn the burner off. Move the pot. 

Mama wouldn’t finish dinner tonight.

To this day, Desi still can’t quite remember what they were arguing about. But she remembered the important things. 

Her own angry scream. 

“Leave her alone!” a declaration of independence. 

Her father’s screams--his dampened and steaming back. The penne noodles on the floor. 

The most painful memory: her mother screaming “Desi! What is wrong with you?!” Her father never hit her, her mother, or her sister ever again. Instead, he found lovers to impose the violence of his fist or mere presence upon. Dad came home when he wanted. And Mom became Desi’s silent aggressor--resentful that her daughter had disrupted her normal. 

That year, Desiray learned that she was alone. But she refused to be helpless. 

____________________

Years Later

The First Order base was interesting, to say the least. A Galaxy History major, Desiray responded to a holonet posting for a ‘Historical Transcriber’ with the base. The main part of her job was to transcribe the data and recordings of old (or aging) droids and other receptacles of archival information. The “second” part of her job came later--when she quickly grew tired of hauling droids to the repair department when one failed her. Soon, she learned how to repair them herself, and became an unofficial repairwoman of all droids.

It was her second day on the job when she sat down in the cafeteria. After two bites into her sandwich, she felt someone staring at her. Whatever kind of Spidey senses or intuition she was "gifted” at birth, she considered it more of a curse than a blessing. Sometimes it came in handy, being “wise” or “empathetic”, as she’d been described. But other times, she just wanted to eat a porg breast sandwich without ~feeling something~. 

Her eyes scanned the room--slowly and inconspicuously--until they landed on a tall figure dressed in black, talking to an officer. But he was looking at her. She knew he was.

She’d seen this guy on her first day and noticed that people moved hastily out of his way. If you asked her, she’d seen scarier. She placed her focus back onto her sandwich.

“Grown ass man walkin’ around in a Party City costume,” she thought to herself. 

Desiray glanced up again and the man was gone. 

Kylo Ren. 

She’d heard that “Kylo” was his title and not even his first name. A “mysterious” type. Whatever.

One day, she’d happen to have been walking past the control room when he was throwing one of his infamous tantrums. She just shook her head. 

“What a fucking brat.”

Suddenly, Desiray felt her arm being yanked and her body being pulled into the control room. Ren towered over her and pushed her against a wall. 

“Do you have something you’d like to say to me...” His head tilted down to look at her identification badge. Or her tit. Or both. “Parker?”

“If I did, I would have said it,” Desiray spat back. She pushed against his chest, but he didn’t budge an inch.

“Every time you walk past me, something bitchy runs across that brain of yours. Why?”

“I suppose your bitchiness just rubs off on everyone, Mr. Ren. Now, can I go to my office?”

Desiray couldn’t see his face. But she knew he was smirking. A deadly combination of anger and lust radiated from his flesh and past all of the shit he was wearing. 

“A little girl pretending to be tough. We’ll see how long that lasts...”

And with that, Ren walked out of the control room, leaving Desiray standing against the wall--catching her breath and calming the beat of her heart. A beat of fear mixed with anger. 

One month into her new job. Almost two months in a new city--about 25 miles away from her hometown... 

...and she’d already come across yet another man who needed another pot of hot water thrown against his back.

[jynzandtonic]

Hello Z, um, long time no speak. How h-have you been? Well, I hope? There was a child on my bus today who blew a big bubble-gum bubble, and the soft pink of the gum made me think of your very lovely hair... um, anyway, h-hope you're well!

Paterson, my darling dearest. Seeing your smile made my whole day. I’m sipping a cold beer and wondering if it tastes the same way your lips do after a night at Doc’s.

I’ve missed you! You stroll through my mind often, especially while I’m reading. This is an e.e. cummings poem that made me think of you.

I hope you’re well, Pat. I hope you’d still like to have my body in your fingers—trembling ever so little.

[iamakiller]

Hey Charlie! I just wanted to thank you again for coming over this weekend, it was good to see you, a shame you couldn’t stay longer though. I felt terrible that I spent most of Friday stuck at the bus depot, because I really do look forward to getting to spend time with you. We’ll just have to make up for it next time! Have a great week, cousin!

No need to thank me, Pat. I can honestly say it was my absolute pleasure. I promise I won't leave it too long until I call on you again.

I really enjoy my visits to your little home, cousin. The hospitality I receive is always most gratifying.

[father-garupe]

Hello there, Father! Welcome to the neighborhood. How are you enjoying things so far?

Hello! Paterson, is it? Thank you for the welcome, it’s the first I’ve received actually. I believe I’m still getting acclimated to things--there are some very strange people in here--but I’m excited to meet all the new churchgoers. Will I be seeing you around?

[carloswilliamcarlos]

A Weekend in the Woods pt. 2

A continuation of this post // @yourpaterson

My eyes open to the faint smattering of freckles that peppers the backs of your shoulders. Your rib cage inflates and deflates under the curve of my arm with a slow, steady rhythm. The light’s just beginning to stream in through the window, framing the soft waves of your hair in golden halos. You’re so beautiful and it’s so warm here underneath the covers and I’m so happy.

Still, nothing can stop my mind from racing.

Maybe it’s a pregnancy thing. Maybe it’s an anxiety thing. Maybe it’s a me thing. No matter why it’s happening, it’s happening. My thoughts are... so loud.

I slip out from between the sheets, tucking you back in so the cold doesn’t hit you the way it just hit me, seeping into my skin and all the way down to my bones. I wrap myself up in one of your blue flannels as quietly as I can, watching your face to make sure you don’t stir. My quiet footsteps pad down the hall as I make my way to the kitchen. We need coffee. I need coffee.

It only takes a minute or two of sifting through Flip’s pantry to find everything I need. Funny, he even has the exact hazelnut creamer you love so much. I get the coffee machine up and running and lean up against the counter as I wait for it to work its magic, peering through the steam out into the woods.

It’s snowing. Oh, Pat, I can’t wait to wake you up to this.

It doesn’t snow a lot back home in Paterson. But it snowed the night of our first date, all those years ago.

We met for an old movie, you were so nervous, you kept rubbing your sweaty palms against your legs and swallowing so hard I could see your Adam’s Apple bobbing from the corner of my eye. We left the theater at the end, stood there staring at each other on the sidewalk, not sure of what to even say and- and I almost called it all off then, almost went home, almost took a bath and put myself to bed. Almost decided to write it all off as proof that trying to date was just a big mistake and I really was better off staying alone.

But then it started snowing.

And the joy in your eyes when you looked up and caught that first flake landing on your nose... it melted everything else away. The self doubt, the nerves, the fear we both felt trying something so new when we’d been hurt so badly before- it was all gone. There was just you, catching snowflakes, blinking up into the sky with a smile like nothing else I’d ever seen. And then you looked back to me, and I’d never felt more beautiful in my whole life.

We ducked into the diner next door, snowflakes still sticking to our hair and giggles still erupting from our lips. You ordered a burger, absolutely drenched it ketchup, the first time i ever watched you do that but most definitely not the last. You told me about her, I told you about him, and then we both realized neither of them were worth talking about at all. We realized there was so much more to talk about, so many new stories to tell ourselves, to tell each other. And we’ve been telling those new stories together-writing those new stories together-ever since.

I will always be in love with the way you see beauty in everything, in the way your eyes light up like they did that night when you saw the snow, when you saw me.

I tiptoe back to our room, two cups of coffee in hand- one decaf, one hazelnut. I set them down on the nightstand next to you, the perfect scent for you to wake up to. The bed dips slightly as I sit down next to your impossibly long body, brushing a hand through your hair and moving it out of your face as gently as I can. Your eyelids flutter and your nose crinkles before you finally open your eyes, reaching for me with a very sleepy smile. I lean down to you, nuzzle my nose against yours, and give your ear a tiny kiss.

“Pat, baby,” I whisper. “Wake up. It’s snowing.”

[carloswilliamcarlos]

Honey... honey oh my god... did you know that these smart phones... HAVE CAMERAS?!

Yeah they do! It makes it so easy to send pictures of whatever you want... 👀