A/N: I know I haven't updated in almost a year and I'm sorry. I'm literally growing up and I'm so scared like I have a job now and school and then I have to deal with college and home stuff and omg I'm so over it. Anyway, here is a gut-wrenching fic as a sorry!!!
“See you in a minute.”
Natasha smirked in your direction, earning a smile in return.
It shouldn’t have been you.
But it was.
The second she returned from 2014 with the mind stone, she knew. She came back with that smirk you had quickly fallen in love with. But it vanished just as fast when she saw Clint standing alone, a solemn look on his face.
“Clint, where’s Y/N?” Bruce finally asked the question everyone was too afraid to voice.
Clint didn’t respond right away. He didn’t even glance at Bruce. Instead, he fell to his knees and slowly raised his head to look at Natasha.
Her face was stoic. But her eyes—her eyes held that same scared look from the day they first met.
Everyone silently turned their gaze toward her. Natasha remained terrifyingly expressionless.
That was a week ago.
Today, Natasha stood in front of the door to your shared apartment.
She hadn’t been there since before the final war against Thanos.
The moment she stepped inside, she was hit with the familiar scent of your presence.
She ignored the key bowl near the entrance—the one holding your keys with those silly, annoyingly loud keychains you insisted on buying.
As she moved through the apartment, her chest grew tighter with each step. Her eyes stayed fixed on the floor, avoiding the photographs hung up on the walls.
Her hand curled around the doorknob to your shared bedroom. She hesitated, silently cursing herself for being so weak. With a sharp breath, she pushed the door open.
The first thing she saw was a pair of your socks sticking out from under the bed—not well hidden, of course. You always had a habit of leaving clothes everywhere.
It brought her back to that morning a week ago, when you were both getting ready to head to the Avengers compound. Natasha was in the bathroom, the door left ajar, while you were in the bedroom getting dressed.
“Don’t leave the room a mess!” she had shouted from inside.
“I’m not!” you had yelled back.
You’d tried to kick the socks under the bed without her noticing, but Natasha’s spy-trained ears heard the shuffling. She just smiled shaking her head.
In any other situation, that memory would’ve made her smile. But now, it made her sick to her stomach.
She walked into the bathroom, peeling off the clothes that suddenly felt dirty and suffocating. Stepping into the steamy shower, she closed her eyes, letting out a trembling sigh as the scorching water eased the tension in her muscles—and the sweet sting of hot water hitting the open wounds scattered across her body.
When she opened her eyes, a single strand of your hair clung to the shower wall.
She swallowed hard, the knot in her throat threatening to choke her.
She couldn’t even bring herself to use the body wash or shampoo. You were the one who took the time to open every single scent at the store, determined to find the best ones.
Back in the bedroom, she made her way to the vanity. It was still scattered with your makeup—untouched, exactly as you’d left it. And there, sitting quietly among the mess, was your engagement ring.
You always took it off before missions.
Too afraid of losing it.
She slipped into a pair of shorts and one of your shirts—the scent of you still clinging to the fabric.
Natasha couldn’t bring herself to lie in your bed alone.
Instead, she grabbed a blanket and wandered into the living room.
A soft scratch at the window caught her attention.
Liho, the alley cat you used to care of.
Natasha was never fond of the animal, but she couldn’t bring herself to ignore him
now.
She quietly opened the window. The cat strolled in like it was the most natural thing in the world. And in a way, it was. Liho followed his usual path to your spot on the couch.
He settled on the cushion next to where you always sat. Then, turning to Natasha, he let out a soft meow.
Her stomach dropped.
It’s as if he knew. He knew you were gone.
She stood frozen in her place.
Only coming back to reality when she realized she had to breathe.
“I can’t be here.” she thought.
She rushed to the front door, slamming it behind her, not caring to lock it.
As she stepped out into the cold brisk late October air shes awakened by the loud city of New York.
Sitting on a nearby bench to catch her breath.
“You shouldn’t have come alone.” Said a deep raspy voice standing beside her.
As he takes a seat beside her, she looks up at him.
After a couple minutes of silence, he speaks up, “I’ve spent the last week thinking about what I should say to you.” He clears his throat.
“I don’t blame you, Clint.” Natasha looks him the eyes.
He looks away, tilting his head to blink away the tears building up.
“I know.” He sighs “But I blame myself.” He looks back at Natasha.
He stares her in the eyes, hating that they hold so much sympathy.
Not being able to bear the look in her eyes he looks away.
“I don’t…” He takes in a deep shaky breath, “I don’t know what im supposed to feel or do. I can’t help but feel guilty for not just letting it be her but for me living.” This causes Natasha to react, “Hey, don’t you fucking dare, she made her choice. Don’t pull that shit. Don’t dishonor her sacrifice by living in guilt.” She says unforgivingly harsh.
Clint wipes away any fallen tears. “Funny, that’s exactly what Laura said.” he halfheartedly chuckles. “Speaking of she’s actually the one who told me you would be here. She wanted me to come comfort you.” He looks over at Natasha “Funny, she knows I don’t need comforting. Im fine.” Natasha says
“Then what are you doing out here Nat?” This causes Natasha to purposely avoid looking in Clint’s direction.
"Right." Natasha looks out to the city, blinking away the built up tears.
It got quiet again.
"As we stood there..." Clint began "Don't.' Natasha states.
"I need to." Clint says before continuing, "Standing there we both tried to find a way around it but...we quickly realized it would have to be one of us." He lets out a shaky breath as if he's reliving it. "I fought so hard Nat." Natasha coud hear the pain in his voice
"I know how much she meant to you. She was the love of my life. but she was your Best Friend." Natasha looks up at him
This pushes Clint over the edge, "No, Nat, you cant just continue to say its fine. That I should accept it. But you weren't there!" He raises his voice, slightly trembling. "You didn't see her fight me for it. You didnt see the look on her face when she knew it was over! I had her hand..." He begins to break down but that doesnt stop Natasha.
"You think I don't replay that day every night? You think I don't hate you just a little for coming back without her?" Now she's the one rasing her voice "But I know her. I know she fought you too. That's who she was. So fucking stubborn, always ready to throw herself off a cliff if it meant saving us." Natasha's breath hitched, turning to try and blink away the tears.
Her throat is begining to tighten, "I kep waiting for her to walk through the door, Clint. And when she doesn't-" Her words caught. Trying to swallow the knot in her throat she looks away.
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I've never experinced loss before." Natasha is begining to rush her words as shes trying to catch her breath. "What do I do with her coffee creamer? Because I certainly won't drink it in my coffee. She knows how much I hate sweetner in my coffee. What about her makeup? It's not my shade. And that damn fucking cat."
Silence falls between them. The world still moving around them.
For the first time in a week, she let herself cry. Neither of them felt completely alone in their grief.
a/n: I was listening to “I Wish” by renee rapp in shower when i thought of this :)
"Hey...you alright?" He asks Natasha, who is still really shaken up about what happened back there.
"Yeah," she says, nodding, trying to convince herself. They don't get to say much as they hear Maria tell Tony they can't go back to the tower.
"So run and hide?" They hear Tony reply, "Until we can find Ultron, I don't have a lot else to offer." Maria sighs, and they end the call.
"Where the hell are we supposed to go?" Tony says out loud, and after a few seconds of silence, Natasha speaks up. "I have a place that's safe and off the radar." Clint looks back at her. "Nat you sure?" she nods. "It's only a couple hours."
༺♡༻
You were in the kitchen having tea and making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while Liho was beside you at your feet when you hear a loud noise from outside.
You quickly grab the gun that was in a nearby drawer and step outside by the front door to see who comes out of the quinjet.
Holding the gun up and aiming it at the door, you watch as the door opens to reveal your wife and the avengers?
You drop your hand to your side and wait till they reach the inside of the house and engulf Natasha with a hug while also being careful with your tummy.
She immediately melts into the hug. "Are you okay, my love?" You whisper for her to only hear, "Yeah, um, something happened, so I had to bring them here, if that's okay?" She pulls back and gestures to the team. "Yeah, of course it's okay, Tasha." You look over to Clint with a smile. "Hey katniss!" You give him a tight hug before you look back at the team.
"Okay, what the fuck is going on? who..." You fight a laugh, looking towards Tony. "I'm Y/N. Natasha's wife." You say with a smile.
Steve is the first one to step up. "Im steve." He holds out his hand. "You're the one who kissed my wife."You get serious,"ma'am I-" he starts.
You can't hold it any longer. Seeing how red his face got, you laugh, cutting him off. "I'm just fucking with you, I know I have nothing to worry about." You look him up and down with a smile before moving besides Nat. "If you're hungry, you can help yourselves to anything, but I swear, if you break anything or eat the pickles that are in the refrigerator, I will kill you myself." You get serious again, but for real this time.
"The kitchen is through there, and I'll just get the rooms ready. Natasha, come with me." Clint and Tony snicker, causing Nat to send them a glare.
Giving everyone their designated rooms, everyone sort of spreads out, with Tony and Clint outside Thor in the kitchen and Bruce minding his business in one of the rooms.
that gives you the chance to talk to Natasha.
You sit beside Natasha on the bed. "Whats wrong? Did something happen?" You look at her with soft eyes.
You bring your hand up to tilt her face toward you. "Tell me what happened," you urge on.
Natasha lets out a shaky sigh. "There was this girl...she had these powers, and she put these thoughts...in my head." You pull her in, cradling her as you see her eyes gloss over.
"I don't want to go back there, Y/N." She wipes her eyes. "You won't ever have to go back there. You are nowhere near that place. Don't worry, my love, you're safe here with me." You kiss the top of her head and run your fingers through her hair.
"Ill kick their ass if they even think it, I may be pregnant, but I sure as hell do know other ways to do it." You say it as a matter of fact and can't fight a smile as you hear Natasha chuckle.
"I'll run you a bath...come on." You grab her hands leading her to the restroom before turning on the water to a warm temperature.
"Come here, baby." You call her to come towards you, "Turn around my love." You unzip her suit before peeling it off her body.
Once everything is off, you help her step into the water and send her an apologetic smile when you hear Natasha hiss as her body is completely in the warm water.
"Thank you, Detka." She leans in to plant a kiss on your lips as you sit beside her outside the tub.
She turns around so you can wash her hair, and she visibly relaxes when she feels your nails graze her scalp.
You're careful not to get water in her face as you rinse her hair, and once again, after you finish washing, her delicate body is scattered with cuts and bruises.
Wrapping her in a towel, you lead her to the room, and on the bed, where you laid out a cozy outfit for her, you help her put on her shirt before placing a kiss on her hairline, then move to put on sweatpants.
"Can I do your hair, my love?" You face her to see that she gives you a smile and a nod.
You grab a brush to take out all the tangles, careful not to hurt her too much, then part her hair in half only to section one half into three, putting it into a french braid before doing the same to the other side.
"there..." You move around so you're standing in front of her. "You look so pretty." You kiss her nose, then her lips, as she smiles. "Thank you, Detka, for everything, but how are you and the little one?" She brings a hand to your baby bump and looks up at you with doe eyes.
"we're okay. They started kicking a lot more." You smile with excitement, as you just love talking about your baby. "More so at night..I'll show you later, okay?" You tilt your head and say, "Because right now, I need you to eat something." You take her hand to bring her down the stairs to the kitchen to find Thor on the couch with Liho on his lap, Clint and Tony tossing goldfish into their mouths to see who could catch the most, and Steve sitting by the counter.
"Sit, I'll make you a PB&J with tea." You tell Nat
"Sit down." you tell her again as you see her about to protest. "I think it's best you listen to your wife." Tony looks over to nat "Fuck off, Tony." She grumbles, "Steve doesn't like that type of language." Tony smirks when he hears Steve let out a loud sigh.
Giving Nat her food, you see Maria and Fury come out of nowhere, and you can't help but squeal as you haven't seen them in a long time. "Ria!!! Oh my gosh!" You hug Maria, and she hugs you back with a smile. "Hey, Y/N/N, how's the baby treating you?" She places a hand on your belly after you nod at her to tell her it's fine. "They won't let me sleep, but it could be worse." You shrug. "Hey, Nick!" You move over to greet Fury. "You know them too? and you can hug Hill without getting shot?! What the fuck?" Tony looks confused. "I am a shield agent; of course I know them, but right now I'm off the job because of...well this." you gesture to your baby bump.
*Time skip to night time.*
You look over at Natasha, who's sitting beside you, staring at the floor.
"Natasha." You softly place your hand on her shoulder and say, "You're here." You grab her chin so she faces you, "And you're safe." You give her a quick kiss on the lips. "Don't let those thoughts get to you...but if they become too much, I'll be here all the time, no matter what, and if you need the day off, take it." You see her visibly relax at your words as she lets out a long sigh.
"C'mon, you need to sleep." You watch her get comfortable. "Can you-" she trails off, fidgeting with her hands. "Can I what, hm?..." you urge her on. "Can you maybe put your arms around me?" She looks so fragile and sweet, you can't help but smile.
"Of course, my love." You watch her get comfortable before you move beside her, putting an arm around her waist.
Though it's a rather awkward position with your baby belly, it still gives nat the safety and comfort she needs.
"I love you." You hear her yawn
"I love you too." You kiss her neck before drifting off to sleep.
a/n: i’ve never had a baby so not 100% sure how these things go so bear with me.
Natasha had taken time off of missions and all avenger work as you got closer to your due date.
She had been by your side the whole time. Literally. By your side. The WHOLE time
Though it was with good intentions and sweet of her, which it was for the most part but she would always insist on doing everything for you and that got you slightly annoyed.
For example, reaching up to grab a mug from the cabinet even if it wasn’t high she grabbed it for you saying “I don’t want you to squish our baby.” She also helped you use the restroom even when you told her you didn't need her, but she insisted just in case you fell or something.
You look back at Natasha as you're about to walk into the restroom and can hear her already following behind.
"Natasha please I love that you want to be with me all the time but I do not need your help in the restroom, I can grab the toilet paper myself." As soon as she opens her mouth to speak you cut her off "Nope. I don't wanna hear it. Stay." You tell her sternly ignoring the grumble she let out.
She slowly nods as you shut the door, leaving it unlocked to go in and do your business.
Of course, the one time you get Natasha to leave you alone for one minute your water breaks.
"Fucking hell." You groan in pain as Natasha places you in the passenger side "Sorry, sorry." She repeats as she rushes to get to the drivers side and pull out of the driveway.
On the way to the hospital Natasha drove like a maniac passing a couple red lights which you yelled at her for.
Once at the hospital your contractions only got worse. At first they felt like period cramps but then they worsened to an unbearable pain that had your eyes shut as you let out shaky breaths to help you calm down.
When the doctor had told you, you were fully dilated you had already been through four hours of painful contractions coming and going, so you were relieved to finally push this baby out.
While pushing Natasha tried whispering sweet nothings into your ear but you were not having it, “Natasha shut the fuck up." you glared at her before squeezing her hand, telling her in a subtle way that you loved her, even thought you started squeezing her hand to the point it started to hurt as you were in the middle of pushing.
When giving the doctor the final push you couldn't help but let a struggled scream.
At first you were concerned to not hear any crying for the first couple of seconds but when you heard the cry you let out a sigh of relief.
"Aww it looks like you have a beautiful baby girl." The doctor gives you both a smile "do you wanna hold her?" You nod beckoning to bring her over.
They placed her on your chest, a couple nurses helping clean her up, "Mom would you like to cut the umbilical cord?" The doctor says to Natasha who is still in shock over the whole situation.
She slowly nods before walking over and cutting the cord.
Natasha can’t help but let out a few tears as she sees her wife and her new born daughter.
If you told her 15 years ago she’d have a family she wouldn't have believed you and possibly would’ve punched you in the face for saying such a thing.
Natasha cautiously walks over to the baby and places a kiss on your forehead "She’s beautiful." She says looking over every detail of her daughter.
"She looks just like you." You let out a teary laugh as you see your new born babies green eyes look between you and Natasha.
Natasha can’t help but reach out to brush the babies slightly different shade of red hair. She’s in complete awe as she reaches out with her pointer finger and her daughter wraps her fingers around her finger.
Pulled out of their little world the doctor asks for the name "Angelina."
After the doctors cleaned her up and did tests to make sure the baby was healthy they put her in a cute onesie and you got cleaned up with Natasha's help, then you both laid on the hospital bed with your daughter in your arms.
"You wanna hold her?" You look over to Natasha who shyly nods her head before slowly scooping Angelina out of your arms and bring her to her chest to place a delicate kiss on her babies head.
"Hi baby, I’m your mama and this is your mommy." she tilts the baby up so she can see you when she says 'mommy'
“I can’t wait to see you grow up.” She smiles as she gets teary.
She loved the way you dressed in those cute sun dresses, she loved the way you were kind to everyone, even though some were jerks, she loved so many things about you that it’d take her hours to list them all off the top of her head.
But you, being you, never noticed Kate’s attraction towards you. You always told yourself it was just her overly sweet and playful personality.
You loved hanging out with Kate. She was your best friend, but the way you felt about Kate was different from the way you felt about Wanda, your other best friend.
One day, when all of the team had decided to throw a last minute pool party. You opted on wearing a bikini. Well, actually, it was all your best friend Wanda had to offer since you didn’t have a swimsuit. You were hesitant at first, never having worn something so revealing.
Standing in front of the mirror in Wanda’s bathroom, you stood there awkwardly looking at your reflection. You weren’t one to wear bikinis, having grown up in a strict household, you weren’t allowed to wear shorts, skirts, and dresses three inches above your knee.
So as you stood there with your head tilted, staring back at yourself, you felt... Ashamed? Uncomfortable? Maybe Confident?
You scanned your body, stopping at your chest as your breasts spilled over the slightly too small top. Continuing your scan, you stopped again at your pelvis area, turning around and looking over your shoulder. You saw how your ass looked in a thong.
You started to feel hesitant and almost slipped the bikini off but stopped yourself when you heard a soft knock of the door.
“You okay in there?” You heard Wanda’s sweet voice. “Y-yeah.” You replied, clearing your throat, opening the door to see Wanda in a similar bikini that was red, unlike yours that was black.
Wanda noticed the crease on your forehead and a slight frown on your face.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” She said pulling you over to her bed. She took notice of how you wrapped your arms around your torso. “Is it the swimsuit?” She asked with a tilt of her head, “Isn’t it a bit...too revealing?” You said tightening your hold around yourself. “Oh honey, I can give you a T-shirt to cover yourself with, if you want.” She offered untangling your arms and taking ahold of your hands in her own. When you nodded your head, she got up to grab you a shirt she didn’t care for. As Wanda walked away, you watched the way her hips swayed, but quickly averted your gaze when you became conscious of what you were doing.
Sitting beside you again, she handed you an old band T-shirt she had. “For what its worth, I think you look beautiful in the bikini.” She says making you smile at your best friend.
You slipped the large T-shirt on that stopped just beneath your ass.
You felt much more comfortable. less ashamed Reaching the floor where the pool was, you look around in hopes of finding your black-haired friend. You scan the scene to see Steve grilling some burgers with the help of Bucky, while Sam, Tony, Peter, Clint, and Yelena played chicken in the pool, and the rest of the girls sitting on the lounge chairs beside the pool.
As you and Wanda went to sit by where all the other girls were, you frowned, not seeing your favorite person.
“Hey ladies.” Wanda said with a smile as she went to sit by Nat. “You look hot as fuck, Wands.” Natasha complimented, and Wanda earned a few more compliments and whistles from Maria, Carol, and Darcy.
You smiled at the warming scene. As you looked at everyone else in their bikinis without a care in the world, you started to feel silly in the large T-shirt and felt a surge of confidence that was enough to make you lift the shirt over your head to reveal your Wanda’s black bikini. This of course elicited a chorus of whistles and overly dramatic compliments from Darcy.
Once the attention on you died down. You felt happy to be surrounded by such an amazing group of women that made you comfortable.
You lay in the lounge chair, frowning when you remembered your favorite person wasn’t here.
But what you failed to notice was that Kate happened to walk in to watch the whole scene.
Kate walked in from behind you about to call out your name to get your attention but stopped in her tracks when she saw that you were lifting your shirt. It was as if everyone and everything were in slow motion. As your Wanda’s shirt moved up your body, so did Kate’s eyes, which of course lingered on your ass, before going back up to look at your displayed back, then back to your ass. Kate jumps back to reality when she feels herself get hit in the face with water. Looking in the direction where the water came from, she saw Clint holding a water gun. “Creep.” He simply stated, Kate glared at him, she decided it was best to ignore him, so she continued along her way towards you, who was now laid in the lounge chair. “Hey, beautiful.” Kate greeted you, and you looked up at her smiling. “Hey, Katie!” You said, ignoring the name she called you, while also taking a quick glance at the purple bikini she was wearing, letting your eyes linger on her chest for a second longer. Your face heats up, but you blame it on the heat from the sun. “You look amazing.” Kate said making your cheeks feel warm, but you blamed it on the heat radiating from the sun. “Thank you, you look amazing yourself.” You told Kate, making her go red. “Do you wanna grab a drink?” She asked you. You thought about it for a second, you never really liked the taste of alcohol because to you it tasted like medicine, but hell, if you were confident enough to wear this bikini, you could handle a couple drinks. “Sure,” you said, getting up and walking in front of Kate, who didn’t waste the chance to glance at your ass as it jiggled with every step you took. Kate looked behind her when she heard a snort. She saw Wanda raise an eyebrow, and Kate shrank into herself slightly as she realized she was caught. She stuck up her middle finger towards Wanda before jogging to catch up with you. Now at the outdoor bar, you ordered a margarita since those were actually good and masked the alcohol. After several margaritas in, both you and Kate were now in the pool. Kate challenged you to see who could hold their breath the longest. “Okay! Ready…Set…Go!” You both dunk yourselves underwater. Kate, being the cheater, rose up for a breath of air before going back under, this time she opened her eyes underwater, smiling at the sight of you holding a bubble in your mouth with your hair floating around your head. Without thinking about what she was doing, Kate lunged forward, kissing you. You immediately opened your eyes, feeling your eyes burn due to the pool water. Closing them again, you melted into the kiss for a millisecond before flinching back and rising from under the water. When Kate rose, she watched as you lifted your body from out of the water before walking over to the lounge chairs where Wanda was. Kate of course followed, but as she reached you, you walked past her with your things in hand, walking back inside the building. Kate tried not to show how hurt she was feeling, but it was obvious. Looking over, she made eye contact with Wanda, who just gave her a sympathetic look. “Go try talking to her.” Wanda mouthed to Kate. Knocking on your door Kate tried calming herself down, but when you opened the door and she saw you crying, she immediately took you in her arms. The hold didn’t last long, as she felt you pushing her away. “Why would you do that?” You said, sniffling, “What? Kiss you? I thought you liked me…” Kate said, shrinking into herself, “But you’re a girl, I can’t like you.” You said pushing her out of your room before shutting the door on her face. Kate stood outside your door dumbfounded. Replaying what you just said in her head. You said “can't,” not “don't.”. And that was enough for Kate to keep fighting. A week went by, you didn’t ignore Kate, but you did pretend like the whole situation didn’t happen. So here you all were, all of the girls had their nights off and agreed to go to a bar. After being convinced by Wanda to take several shots of whatever she handed you, you were very tipsy.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like this.” Kate said to Natasha as she watched you dance with Darcy, “You should try talking to her.” Natasha told Kate, “About what? I have no reason to talk to her.” Kate said, taking a sip from her drink, “Don’t bullshit me, Bishop.” Kate sighed, holding her head in her hands. “She doesn’t want to talk about it.” Kate said, looking up at Natasha, “She basically acts like it never happened.” Kate exclaimed. “Kate, do you love her or not?” Natasha asked, making Kate's face drop at the word ‘love’, “I... She doesn’t love me back.” Kate avoids eye contact with the redhead. "Yes, she does. She just needs you to help her realize there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.” Natasha explains before patting Kate on the shoulder and walking away. The girls night continued over to a sleepover at the compound. After a movie or two, it was past midnight, and the girls decided to play 7 minutes in heaven. “This is so childish,” Natasha said, shaking her head. The first two to go were Carol and Darcy. After the 7 minutes were up, Carol came out with a red lipstick stain on her lips. “We just made out so hard.” Darcy said, making everyone laugh. The second pair to go were Wanda and Nat. Everyone knew they liked each other but themselves. “Do you think they’re fucking?” Darcy whisper shouted, “Shut up, Darcy.” Carol slaps her upside the head. “Oww.” Darcy glares at her best friend rubbing where she was hit. As the two walked out the closet, Wanda came out with super red cheeks while Natasha came out with a serious look on her face, but it was obvious she was trying to hide her excitement. The last pair that they picked was you and Kate. Your face was unnoticeably drained. You put up a kind smile as you walked into the closet. Unbeknownst to the both of you, the rest of the girls planned this. As they closed the doors behind you and Kate, you sat on the floor, Kate following and sitting beside you. “So about what h-“ Kate starts off but gets cut off as you kiss her on the lips. Surprised by the sudden connection, she yelps but quickly reciprocates the kiss. As your lips continue to move with Kates, she slides her hands up to cup both sides of your face. Keeping up the rhythm of the kiss, she strokes your cheeks with her thumbs, feeling the tears streaming down your face, but she doesn’t stop. Tilting her head to the side, the tears continue to fall. She slides her tongue into your mouth, and the tears follow their way down to your lips. It’s enough so that Kate tastes the saltiness of your tears. Kate feels you push her down so that she’s laid down with you on top of her. It was to the point that you were needing to pull apart for air.
As your lips hover over Kate’s, you break into a sob, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” You mumbled. Kate knew you weren’t talking to her. With you still on top of her, Kate sits up. You immediately lay your head into her neck, making Kate wrap her arms around you. As your cries continued, Kate grabbed your face, so you looked at her. “You shouldn’t apologize for loving someone.” This made you break down. How could you love a girl?
“Hey, look at me.” Kate says as she notices the faraway look in your eyes. As you looked into her eyes, you immediately felt guilty just for looking at her.
“It’s okay.” Kate says to you.
“You are not a bad person for who you love.” Kate adds.
Why does the person who feels like home hurt so much to love?
“I love you, y/n.” Kate’s eyes gloss over. “And I will never be ashamed of that. Neither should you.“ She adds, leaning her forehead onto yours.
“To me, love is something that makes life worth living, and you make life worth living, y/n. And I hope that you can see that our lives should and can be spent living together.” Kate states.
“I do... I do want to love together, but... You finally speak, but Kate cuts you off. “Don’t, Y/n, please.” Kate sniffles. “You don’t have to say you love me, but please don’t live your life pretending to be someone you aren’t.” Kate begs.
“No, I...I do love you.” You say. Kate’s head shoots up to look at you. “And I don’t want to feel ashamed about who I love.” You continue. “So please, Kate, teach me.” You finish. “Whatever you want.” Kate says nodding.
By the time you’re both out of the closet, everyone has fallen asleep.
You both move to lay next to each other. Laying down, you stare into each other’s eyes. You reach out to push a strand of hair behind Kate’s ear. This is the first time you don’t feel ashamed about touching her.
Shutting your eyes, you both fall asleep with your legs intertwined.
hello can i request a carol danvers fic pls no smut pls angst or fluff now thanks xxx
I know it won’t work
Carol Danvers x fem!reader
Warnings: none??? angst/fluff/hurt
word count: 3.6k
italics=flashbacks
a/n: Happy Birthday cutie and happy valentines.♥️
Being Carol Danvers’ wife wasn’t always the best. You had met Carol back when Fury paged her before he dusted. You and Nat being the only ones in the compound at the time when she arrived, you both told her the story of how Thanos dusted half the universe with one snap.
Carol was always strong, but after hearing the story, she didn’t know what to do. Being alone in space wasn’t the idea at the moment, so you insisted she stay at the compound with you and Nat for the time being.
You were somewhat close to Nat, but even after knowing her for almost a decade, she hardly confided in you. The only thing that kept Natasha’s mind busy was following Clint’s trail, so she was gone most of the time too.
So that left you and Carol. To be honest, you knew about her because you were close to Fury, but even then, you still didn't know much about her. It was awkward at first, but Carol was always the one reaching out to ask if you wanted to cook dinner with her (she just sat on the counter watching you because she couldn’t cook if her life depended on it), watch a movie, go for a run at the park, etc.
Before you knew it, she was your girlfriend.
You were both in the living room watching a movie, as per usual every Saturday night. With your head in her lap and her hand in your hair,.
Of course, Carol, being the bold one, reached over to you to interlock your hands. Though you were shocked, you quickly found comfort in it, especially when she ran her thumb across your knuckles.
When the movie finished and you had fallen asleep, Carol thought it’d be better if she carried you to your room so you wouldn’t wake up with back problems because of the couch.
When she laid you down on your bed and covered you with blankets, she leaned over to plant a small kiss on your temple. All the movement stirred you awake, but Carol hadn’t realized that.
Before Carol could pull away, you gently cupped both sides of her face, connecting both of your lips to share a gentle kiss. Pulling back, you saw Carol's shy smile. Carol isn’t one to get shy at all, but the kiss was unexpected.
“Don’t go; you could sleep with me? Please?” You gave her a sleepy smile. “Because you asked so nicely, who am I to say no?” Moving to the other side, Carol slipped off her sweatshirt, leaving her in her white tank top. Getting into the bed, she scooted closer to you so she could wrap her arms around you. She stayed up, racking her fingers through your hair to lull you back to sleep.
A few weeks later, while you were out by the lake near the compound, you were accompanying Carol on her morning run. Carol jogged up beside you, “Hey Y/N!” You stopped running, bending over, holding onto your knees, and heaving, "Gosh, how do you do this every day? And in the morning?!” You sat upright again, fanning out your sweaty face. “What happened?” you asked, looking at Carol.
“One, I’m genetically empowered. Two, because I do this every morning, I'm not fazed by it, and three, would you maybe want to go out on a date with me later?” She smiles at you, awaiting your answer.
“Sure!” You ran back to the compound, leaving Carol slightly confused. “Be ready by 6 p.m.” She yells before you’re out of reach.
6 p.m. comes around, and when you hear a knock at your door, you take a second glance in the mirror, staring back at yourself as you’re glammed up and ready.
Opening the door, Carol is in a blazer and slacks. “Wow…you look…you are so gorgeous.” Your cheeks heat at the compliment, “Thank you; you look quite beautiful yourself.” You smile
Arriving at the restaurant Carol picked, it was fancy enough that you didn’t feel overdressed or underdressed. It was a cozy restaurant with a limited number of people.
“I did try cooking for you before this, but, um, living off space food isn’t the best to learn from when you want to impress someone.” She shrugged, making you chuckle. “No, it’s okay. I’ll be the one to cook next time.” You add, "Oh, we’re already thinking about the second date, are we?” Carol raised her brow.
The dinner went smoothly, and upon arriving back at the compound, Carol parked her car. “I have one more thing I want to do before the day ends, if you’re up for it.” Carol looks up at you with a suggestive smile. “Okay, I’ll go, but I am over wearing these heels.” You say, letting out a sigh of relief once you’ve kicked off the heels.
“If you want, we can switch shoes.” Carol says innocently, “Are you sure? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear heels.” You ask, “Im like a superhero badass; I think I can handle 6 inch heels.” She shrugs.
*10 seconds later*
Trying not to laugh at the funny way Carol is walking, you both walk through the field of the compound to get to the top of a hill. "Carol, if you’re such a badass who can handle heels, why do you look like a drunk, headless chicken walking?” You laugh at Carol’s faux-hurt reaction “Whatever.”
Reaching the top, Carol lays down a blanket.
"Carol, why are we up here?” You look over at her as you get comfortable on the blanket. “I just thought we could maybe see the stars.” She lays back, and you follow her. “Star gazing; I love it.” You say, mesmerized by all the different stars.
"Look, those connected look like a cat!” You point out, “What?! I don’t see it.” Carol squints, trying to hopefully see the shape.
“Look,“ you scoot so your head is beside Carol’s “close one eye and focus.” You grab her pointer finger, moving her hand to all the different stars that connect to look like the cat. “Oh! I see it now!” You lower Carol’s arm, still holding onto her hand.
It goes silent, the only sound being the crickets and the gentle breeze of the night.
Carol turns to you, watching as you continue to squint, trying to depict another shape.
Feeling her eyes on you, it’s your turn now to face her. You hold eye contact for a few seconds before Carol glances down at your lips, watching as the corners of your lips turn up. “What? Do I have something on my f-“ You were going to tease her but were quickly shut up when Carol’s lips touched yours.
The kiss lasted for a few seconds before you pulled away, giggling as you saw Carol trying to chase after your lips. Again, you’re both engulfed in a comfortable silence.
Carol breaks the silence. “Y/n?” You hum in response. “Would you want to be my girlfriend?” You feel her rub her thumb over your knuckles. “I was wondering when you were going to ask.” You smirk, “Is that a yes?” Carol looks at you again. “Of course, dummy.” You place a quick peck on her lips before going back to looking at the stars.
“Maybe for our second date, after you cook, I could take you out on my ship to space so you can get a better view of the stars.” Carol smiles. “I’d love that very much.” You smiled back.
Then it all evolved into something bigger after that. That was all for the duration of 8 months. It was two years after Maria passed away that you, of course, stuck by her side, knowing the history behind them. After the loss of Maria, Carol decided to go back to space to help protect other planets since the other planets did have people like the Avengers, or what was left of them. You, of course, insisted on going with her, but then both came to somewhat of an agreement that it’d be safer for you and more comforting for Carol if you just stayed on earth.
During Carol's time in space, she made some enemies, which led to your moving to a safe house. The safe house was on the piece of land besides Clints families house, though that just made the whole thing even more isolating. Two houses, one empty waiting for a family to come back home, the other occupied by a lady and an unusual cat,.
At first, the safe house was very relaxing, as it was much quieter than the stark tower back in New York and the compound that always had F.R.I.D.A.Y. going off.
It's been over half a decade since Carol has been in space. And it’s been 3 years since you lost your best friend, Natasha.
It was early in the morning, and you sipped on your usual coffee you drink every morning, paired with two pieces of toast with butter and honey.
You turn your head toward Goose when you hear her meowing at the front door. “What's wrong, Kitty?" You pet her head before opening the front door to let her out.
She usually stays around the front porch, so when Goose ran over to the house beside yours, that was when you noticed the outline of four people.
Struggling to see because of the sun, you grabbed your gun in case it was someone who was a threat.
“Who are you people?!” you yelled as you slowly moved towards them with your gun lowered but ready. "Kids, go inside right now.” You heard a woman’s voice, and now there was only one of them left.
When you were close enough to see, you thought you were hallucinating; maybe you were going crazy from being isolated for so long. “Y/N?!” The voice sounded so real. She moved to where she was, about 6 feet from you.
It was then that you noticed you were crying; you wiped away the tears that fell.
“Y/N, is that you?” After completely letting your guard down, you dropped the gun out of pure shock.
“Laura?” You and Laura had known each other since you were younger, and she was still working for SHIELD; she was sort of a mother figure to you.
You quickly closed the space between the two of you with your arms wrapped around her torso and your head buried in her neck.
“What happened? I was just out here with the kids and Cli-“ She stopped herself.
Snuffling, you still hold onto her. “We lost. Im so sorry, Clint is fine, well, kinda." Laura rubbed your back with one hand while the other was holding your head to her chest. "Hey, hey, it’s okay; it’s not your fault. Let's go inside, and you can explain. Is that okay?” She pulls away slightly when you nod.
After you told her the story and everything that Clint has been up to the past 5 years, you heard the sound of a quinjet outside.
Both you and Laura step outside cautiously.
When it was Clint that stepped outside, it was Laura's turn to start crying before she ran up to her husband, holding onto him dearly.
After pulling away, you both realize the glum look on his face. “What…What happened?” You slightly whispered, scared to hear what he might say.
“We lost, Nat.” He looks at you when the words leave his mouth, and you don’t react.
“I’m so sorry, Y/N; I know you two were close.” When those words left his mouth, you weren’t sure if you had heard him properly.
Your eyes hurt from fighting the urge to cry. “How?” He sighs, “I fought so hard, but you know, Nat, she wouldn’t back down. I should’ve fought harder.” His voice cracked.
You run over to engulf him in a hug. “It’s not your fault. Natasha Romanoff always had to win.” You say.
“But the fight isn’t over yet. Thanos is on his way with his army.” He pulls back. “I know you’d want to be part of the fight, so I came by.”
Suiting up, you got back on the quinjet.
Mid-fight, we were warned in the comms that something (someone) had entered the atmosphere.
As soon as you saw a dash of light, you knew who it was. The thought of getting to be with your girlfriend after this fight gave you a shot of adrenaline.
It was only after Tony had snapped that you allowed yourself to react. You were exhausted; everything in your body hurt. You quickly ran to Carol, hugging her.
She tightly wrapped her arms around you. "Oh, baby, are you okay? Are you hurt?” She cupped your face to check for any injuries. Shaking your head 'no', she kisses your forehead before hugging you again.
Arriving back at your safe house, it’s just you, Carol, and Goose.
“Why didn’t you come to see me?” You gave her a hurt look; you see her face contort into a look of sorrow. “I... I meant to, but it just got really bad, and I felt terrible. I just couldn’t come back.” Her eyes got teary. “You left me all alone for 3 years; you can’t just expect me to live alone with a cat and wait for you all day.”
“Im sorry, I just couldn’t wait here doing nothing when there are so many other people on different planets who could use my help, and I don’t know. I guess the loss of Maria added to the urge of wanting to leave this planet.”
“I know, sweetheart, it just... Carol I was so lonely. Nobody was here; I had to see that empty and dead house next door every morning, knowing there used to be a family that thrived there.” You rambled before breaking down.
“We lost her.” You sobbed, “We lost, Nat.”
She gives you a look of sympathy before cradling you in her arms.
“I wasn’t there for her. I couldn’t do anything to stop her. I just let her die. She was alone in that compound for 2 years.“ You choked up. “I could’ve spent those years with her; I could’ve been the one that was sacrificed. She didn’t deserve to die; it isn’t fair.” you cried.
You had all these emotions, and your mind was running at a thousand miles per hour of ‘what ifs?’ and it all ended up balling into anger.
“I would’ve been there if you hadn’t forced me to stay in this stupid safe house.” You push Carol away, but she reaches out again. "Baby, I know that, but you shouldn’t blame me,“ you slapped away her hand. "Carol, please, you left me alone here for years when you promised you’d visit! I’ve been waiting for years! Do you understand what thats like?” You look at her in shock.
“I can't even speak to you right now; I'm going to sleep.” You couldn’t sleep at all that night.
It was in the middle of the night, around 2 a.m., that you heard the front door open and then close.
Running down the stairs towards the front door, you step outside to hear Carol’s ship taking off.
She left you.
And she took the fucking cat! (which was probably for the best.)
You woke up at 6 a.m., somehow getting an hour of sleep. You made your usual morning coffee before you got a text from Clint telling you that they were having a funeral for Tony later today.
You decided it’d be better to arrive with the Barton family than to walk in on your own.
After the funeral, you, Wanda, and Clint stood by the lake by Tony’s place.
“She was the best of us.” Clint said, looking out to the lake, before he left, leaving you and Wanda. You were always close friends with Wanda, so it was nice to talk to her after five years.
“Where’s Carol?” Wanda knew you too well. “She left.” Wanda brings you in for a hug, comfortably rubbing your back with her hand. “It’s gonna be okay, y/n; it’s not your fault. You’re going to be okay.” Wanda was always the mom of the friend group.
After the funeral, you walked back into the emptiness of your home. To be honest, you were on the verge of trashing the whole place but decided not to.
You tried to look on the bright side. What's the bright side? I have no idea, but you were grateful to be here and proud that you helped bring back half the universe.
You pushed all the bad feelings away and moved on with your life, trying not to dwell too much on the ‘what if’s?’ and whatever
After the return of half the universe, you made some new friends along the way, like Kate Bishop, who was a close friend who visited frequently after she spent Christmas at the Bartons for the first time, and the Bartons now included you too.
Today
Three years after the return of half the universe and losing the love of your life,.
A knock on the door startles you, marking where you left off as you set your book down.
“Kate I told you to tell me," You cut yourself off at the sight of maybe your girlfriend??? You weren’t quite sure what you guys were anymore.
“Carol?” Carol looks down at her feet. “Y/n…”
It grew silent. “Kamala!” You took notice of the shorter girl beside her before looking at the other woman, whom you don’t know yet, “Monica.”
“We um need a place to hide out... on earth, and this is the only place I could think of.” Carol says, finally looking you in the eyes.
“Sorry, um, please come in.” You nod before moving, so they can enter. “I was just fixing up dinner, so I’ll go finish that. You guys make yourself at home; Carol will be helping me in the kitchen.” You smile at Kamala and Monica before dropping the smile when you look at Carol.
“Something's off between them.” Kamala badly whispered
“Y/n I-“ Carol gets cut off. “I want you gone as soon as possible.”
“Okay, anything you want, but could we just talk about this?” Carol pleads, "Carol, please, there’s nothing to talk about.” You say adding seasonings to your food is “but-“ Carol reaches out, “Go set the table.” You leave no room for her to argue.
You’re all sitting at the table. “So… How do you know Carol?” Kamala asks, putting a spoonful of food into her mouth.
“We’re um frien-“
“She’s my girlfr-“
Both you and Carol said it at the same time. “We worked with each other,” you say, ignoring the slight look of hurt on Carol’s face.
"Anyway, what or who are you hiding from?” you say to move on from the awkwardness. “Oh! Basically, Carol and Monica both touched this like radioactive, glowing portal thing that causes our three powers to like entangle, as Monica said, and basically, we switch places any time we use out powers at the same time. Theres also this one evil villain lady whose like going to all these different planets to steal their natural resources because Carol,” Kamala gestures to Carol with both hands, “destroyed their AI thing, and she like needs my bangle to steal our sun... and now we’re like a team.” Kamala finishes her rambling with a thumbs up.
"Yep, what she said...” Carol nods
The dinner went by very smoothly, especially with Kamala’s rambling, which you found adorable especially when she spoke about her very obvious obsession over Carol.
The night came around, and everyone was in their own rooms, leaving you and Carol alone in the living room. Sitting across from each other with Goose in your lap.
“Y/n… Im really sorry.” You look everywhere, but at her, “You left me,” you mumble. “Why did you leave again?” You look up, teary-eyed, seeing the look of hurt on Carol’s face at the add of ‘again’ “I just thought it was what you wanted; I thought you wanted me to leave... I was going to come back, but I just couldn't, and I know it was wrong for me to leave without a word, and I am terribly sorry. Yes, you should be angry with me and hate me, but I truly am sorry.” Carol locks her hands together, rubbing her knuckles.
Carol moves to sit beside you while still keeping some distance.
“Carol I am sure as hell angry, but I could never ever hate you. I’m sorry I put the blame on you about Nat; I wasn’t thinking straight, and I was just overwhelmed with all of these emotions that day and took it all out on you. We both did something wrong, and we both realize that we messed up, and thats good.” You place your hand on top of Carol’s to stop her movement.
“I don’t like how things were left between us, and I do love you so much. So I was hoping that maybe... we could try this again?” Carol glances down at your hands before looking back up at your face.
“I was wondering when you were going to ask.” You smirk, interlocking your hands together. “But I am not sitting in this house waiting for you.” You add, “Of course not; I was hoping you’d join me in space.” she smiles
“Maybe we could go for that second date?” Carol brings your interlocked hands to her lips to plant a kiss on the back of your hand. “I’d love that very much.” You smile.
