Second summer ship rant. Spoilers ahead as always (yes, I know the anime season is over for summer 2015, but people still might not have watched it).
I’m just going to skip the description of each character because one of them goes through some heavy character development that I don’t want to ruin with just a short paragraph.
Why I ship them
I have to admit - I wasn’t a big shipper of them at the beginning. I definitely LIKED them as a couple, but it wasn’t something big. For the main reason in that I thought the pairing was going to be obvious, and it was progressing very subtly without anything big happening. They were going to inevitably get closer by working together, learn about each other’s past, help either one or both through a big conflict/struggle emotionally, and then get even closer because of that and get together. That was the path I saw them taking and that was EXACTLY what happened.
So why am I this big on them now?
THAT LAST SCENE IN THE LAST EPISODE. Excuse me, let me take a moment to just cry bittersweet tears.
Ok, back. That last scene absolutely KILLED me. As I pointed above, SPOILERS AHEAD, in the very last scene of this anime series, Yuu wakes up as not Yuu anymore in a sense. What I mean is that he’s completely lost all his memories. I honestly wasn’t sure if he knew what his name was anymore. And Nao was right there beside him, probably waiting for him to wake up for a while. The shock of the matter that he’s lost his memories was hurtful...but she accepted it with relatively amazing Nao-ness as in her mind she had known SOMETHING was going to happen to him, regardless of how large or small. Memory loss happened to be what happened. Complete amnesia might be a better phrase. She had previously responded to his confession (when he still had all his memories) that she will give him a final answer when he returns home after the mission he placed upon himself. And here she was, waiting, ready to give her final answer, and the first thing he did when he saw her was ask “Who are you?”.
Ouch. But we’ve seen this before - in movies, in books, in real life even. Disasters happen and one person in the couple forgot everything and anything and the other one still remained faithful and loving until he or she got the other to once again fall in love. So I was happy, but not surprised, when Nao responded with “I am your lover”. And of course he’s relatively surprised. But no, this is where everything just began to get emotional. He responded with “Even if I don’t remember you at all?” and she spoke “That hurt a lot more than I was expecting”.
“I’m sorry, did I make you feel sad?”
It was excellent voice acting here. But something about the way he asked her that just made the scene so much more raw and vulnerable. Yuu started out as a confident jerk, I’ll just say that. But here he was, no sense of who he is, and he was so concerned that he had hurt a girl he doesn’t recognize or remember at all. And I couldn’t help but tie that into humanity itself - yes, we’ve done some terrible things. But strip us to the core, without our histories, our friends, our families, everything that built up our life and leave just us as individuals, pure and undetailed...we are inherently caring creatures. Love naturally comes to us before hatred does. And Yuu, being stripped to his core, acting so caring and kind to a stranger was beautiful and heartbreaking.
And the rollercoaster continued when Nao realized that her translation cards not only helped him keep the slightest sense that he is actually human but had actually bought him home. He had forgotten everything except the promise to her. He didn’t even remember WHO he made the promise to. Just the promise. And it did bring him back home.
She starts to cry in relief, in joy, in I’m sure too many emotions to describe (because darn it, I began to cry there myself). And he once again, very concerned, asked if he had made her sad again. When she responded it was the opposite, he admitted “I’m not quite sure what’s going on, but please don’t cry” and reached over, taking her hand. And it was right then and there, I knew everything was going to be ok.
He didn’t remember anything. She remembered it all. But it didn’t matter, because in this new beginning for the both of them, he was still there. And it was going to be ok.
...That’s all I can say about this ship. Sorry for the essay.
His memory is in bits and snatches, like burnt out ash in the wake of a huge fire, or the debris left behind by a tsunami, washed of everything and anything that made sense.
He clings onto the little book, worn out and old and falling apart, some of the pages too smudged to read. It hangs heavy around his neck, a charm, a reminder, a curse -- the only thing which tethers him to the life he no longer cares about.
It is the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Sometimes, he dreams about invisible voices -- although he cannot understand how a voice can be invisible--, about the sweet, unbearable taste of omelet-rice with blood smeared on top.
He is a man who can turn anything into gold with a tip of the finger, but for all the power he has, it is these few scraps of memories, long-forgotten, that leaves him gasping for breath in the middle of the night.
How do you love something you can’t remember?
Waking up in strange places is not new to him, but the invisible voice being accompanied by a face is. He has a family, and friends and a lover, now that the weight of the world is off his shoulders-- now that he has full-filled his promise and the world isn’t likely to end anytime tomorrow. They laugh and they pat him on the back and there are tears and hugs and smiles and snot, but through it all, he feels nothing but tired and old and so very,very worn out-- like elastic stretched beyond its limits.
He is surprised to see his reflection in the mirror-- smooth skin unmarred by age, hair still glossy and black and cheeks flushed with youth he no longer feels.
It isn’t fair, he thinks, none of this is fair.
He doesn’t recognize the boy in the videos, doesn’t remember how to smile or laugh or feel like him.
“It’s okay,” Nao tells him, “take your time.”
Except, except he isn’t sure if all the time in the world is going to help.
The omu-rice tastes as unbearably sweet as it did in his dreams, but it is the only thing he wants to eat. His sister beams at his side and tells him about their family’s secret pizza-sauce recipe. She is a torrent of energy and laughter and chatter, but strangely, it isn’t unpleasant to get lost in the rhythm of her voice.
He cannot turn anything into gold with a touch of his finger, cannot cause the earth to tremble beneath his feet, and the little stack of notes around his neck has become so old and brittle with age that they can’t be supported on a string. He puts the little book into the plastic pouch, and carefully tucks it into his pocket everyday before he leaves his apartment.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be the same,” he tells her one day. It has already been more than a year since he’d woken up in the hospital, back in a life he doesn’t remember, and he doesn’t think it is fair to string her along anymore. “Thank you for everything,” he pauses, trying to find the right words, “the videos, everywhere you’ve taken me to, the time you’ve spent with me. I know I told you I- I loved you, but-” Nao’s face is carefully empty when he glances at her from the corner of his eyes, “but I - I don’t remember that,” he pauses again, takes in another breath, “and I don’t know how I- I don’t know-- I can’t--”
“It’s okay,” Nao tells him, and when he raises his face to look at her, she is smiling. “You’ve done enough, Otosoka. I don’t hold you on to anything. We don’t have to be lovers, or even friends. But I’ll be here, whatever you decide to do. I’m not going anywhere, Otosoka, I’ll always be here for you.”
It is strange then, what her words does to him- because he feels like the wind has been suddenly knocked out of him, and right then, there is a sense of de javu that comes over him, and he is sure that this has happened somewhere, some time.
“Thank you,” he says, meaning it much more than he’s meant anything since his return.
You can’t love someone you don’t remember, Yuu thinks. But maybe, you can learn to love someone you used to know.
