#zel.txt

[zeleniafic]

if you had told me even one month ago that i would EVER be down so bad for an animated character from a league of legends spinoff I would have thrown something at you, and yet-

[zeleniafic]

I... now have a 35 chapter outline for Disarm (complete; spanning HBP thru DH) written up, with a plot plan for almost every chapter already. Who am I tonight. WHO AM I TONIGHT???? This is @anna-phora ’s influence 100%.

[zeleniafic]

I would love to know what about my blog has tumblr trying to sell me ball deodorant and manscaping tools in the ads... or are we all cursed with this currently??

[zeleniafic]

me: I am going to write

my brain: you are going to write

me: I am going to update posted stories

my brain: 👿 P̧͉͇͎̬̩ͯǪ̖̟͈͖̰͉̖̖̈̚S̻̩̬̖̓͒̓ͫ͘T̪̪ͣ͘ ̧̩̲͓̘͍̯̟͉͂͒ͣͨĂ̛͓͍̼̲͙̝̂͆ ͓̞̗́̕N͇̟̯͕͇̙ͦ̑͘ͅĘ͇̫̹̦̣̎ͣͭͅW̦͓̮̥̥̰͙̒̀ ̵͍̖̉͗͌Wͩ͏̙͕͇͍I̵͕͈̲̪̗̦̬̼̓̅̿̏P̾ͨ͏̰̹ 👿

[zeleniafic]

I was not expecting my year to start off so ~interestingly~ but I’ve gotta say. It’s insanely encouraging to go from people in my day to day life telling me I just need to try harder / stop being lazy / etc to sitting in a doctor’s office with a doctor saying “no this is not normal, something is wrong.” 

I’ve already had a chest x ray (bc apparently having a collapsed lung in your fairly recent history and walking in with trouble breathing is a RED FLAG, who knew lmfao), I had blood drawn for labs which I really hate beyond words bc needles in veins freak me the FUCK out and I almost left right then and there, and now I have to go see a cardiologist for some tests which is also really freaking me the fuck out. I have a lot (like a lot, a lot) of medical anxiety after everything that happened with my dad’s death so this is really, really not an easy process but I’m beyond happy someone’s actually taking my pain seriously??? Bc my day to day baseline level of “struggling” has gotten really out of hand.

I was also supposed to have surgery to remove some bolts and a metal plate from my collar bone already but bc of the pandemic it’s not happening any time soon and they cause agonizing nerve pain every single day when anything touches my shoulder, even to the small scale of just a seatbelt, and considering I have a physical labor intense job... you can imagine how often that happens :)))) My anger at irresponsible people is at an all time high rn bc I’m really fucking tired of hurting and that’s not going to change until I can have this elective surgery :))))

But the insane fatigue and the “constantly almost passing out” is finally being addressed AND I pulled my two brain cells together long enough to get a referral to ask about ADHD treatment after having it recommended for literally years so I’m counting this as a win!!!! Perhaps 2022 will be the year I stop feeling like a shell of a person lmfao

(I went back home and immediately it was right back to being yelled at for sleeping too much even tho the doc said there’s a REASON I’m so fucking exhausted all the time but OH WELL what can you do~ perks of being raised in an ag family lmfao no one goes to the doctor unless they’re actively at the doors of death~)

[zeleniafic]

lolol I feel like nature saw that post and sent a special “fuck you” because our pipes are frozen now :))))))))

[zeleniafic]

every time i see gifs from the witcher i just can’t help but laugh bc henry cavill always looks like can’t see SHIT through those yellow contacts

[zeleniafic]

as someone who committed the cardinal sin of shipping both Clexa and Bellarke I literally cannot believe it is the year 2020 and my entire twitter feed is ugly ship war hatred all over again as if JRat didn’t intentionally fuck over BOTH ships