Not Your Anxiety
Josh Bradley (Zerkaa) Centric
summary - The Sidemen don’t know how to handle Josh’s panic attack, luckily Freya is the best.
warnings - panic attacks, anxiety, medication, swearing, my terrible writing
request - I would love if you wrote about Josh having bad anxiety but the boys don’t know and one day he breaks down and the boys have to contact Freya, thank you, I love your writing 💛
masterlist - request here
There were days where Josh couldn't leave the house without having a panic attack. When he was twenty he was diagnosed with anxiety. It was one of the scariest and yet relieving moments of his life. Although he was diagnosed at twenty, his anxiety was terrible in secondary school. He would have panic attacks and because he didn't know to help himself, he just waited them out. But Josh knew how to take care of himself now and ensure that the anxiety didn't take over, and yet as he went to open Simon and JJ's apartment door, he felt a pit in his chest, one he knew that if he didn't calm himself down, he would fuck himself over. Josh never told his friends about his anxiety he didn't think it was important. He was more than his anxiety so why did they have to know? Freya knew but that's because Josh had told her after an incident of her finding his anxiety medicine and Josh trusted Freya with his life. Josh knew his hands were shaking as he walked through the door. "Hey, Josh are you alright?" Ethan asked, motioning to the man's uneasy expression. Josh nodded and smiled thinly at his friend before sitting down on their couch for a basic Q and A video they were filming. They started filming and answered questions about the best they could. Josh only contributed a small bit to act as though he was interested in the conversation, but in reality, he was trying to focus on his breathing. "Where do you see yourself in five years?" Vik read out the question. Josh pressed his hands over his ears and started to breathe heavily. The men started to call his name but all he could hear the thumping of his heart loudly in his ears. His breaths came out hurried and he couldn't see anything around it, tears streaming steadily out his eyes. Josh let out a sob as the boys tried desperately to find out what was wrong. Josh let out a "Frey." which caused Tobi to immediately pull out his phone and call Freya. Freya ran into the flat a few seconds later having been on her way to give Josh his keys which he left at home. "Move!" She exclaimed at them. "You're making it worse!" She knelt in front of Josh and whispered a soft, "Can I touch you?" Josh flinched lightly. "That's okay," Freya whispered. "Can you breathe in for five for me please?" Josh sobbed out a, "I can't." Freya shook her head, "Yes you can just take your time. I'm here, the guys are here and they're not upset with you. I promise." She took his hand softly and placed it on her chest and exaggerated her breathing so he would follow. "Follow my breathing." She said softly. Josh started to slowly follow her breathing, falling behind slightly. "Can you lean back?" She asked and Josh did as she requested. She watched carefully as his breathing evened out. Josh closed his eyes as Freya talked him down his panic attack. The men watched silently as Vik bought Josh a drink of water. "Have you been feeling like this since this morning?" Freya asked, stroking Josh's hair softly, grounding him. Josh nodded and Freya simply lent down and kissed his forehead. "Do you want me to talk to the guys?" Josh nodded and Freya turned to the guys, giving them a soft but warning look. "Josh has anxiety and he gets panic attacks and he doesn't want you guys to know him as his panic attacks," Freya explained. "I am the only person that knows but you guys do too now. He takes medication but sometimes it isn't enough. Josh is not needing taking care of, just needs that small support. There isn't a need to watch over him every moment of every day." Josh squeezed Freya's hand as a thank you before looking at his friends. "Thank you for telling us," JJ said softly which surprised Josh slightly. "It must be hard but we will be here for you," Tobi said with a smile. The men immediately gave Josh a hug, all showing their support for their eldest friend. Josh would never get rid of my anxiety but having his friends know put him at some ease.