#zrants

[zrantz]

Blossom video

One of my teacher showed us a blossom video at school. A fucking blossom video. Should I just give up on school at this point?

[eldr1tchgl1tch]

You don't realise just how important internet is, how important communication is until it is stripped from you in worse and worse ways everytime.

Your right to escapism to community to knowledge to opportunities. Continuously taken away as if you're not human, treated like cattle, treated less than an animal.

When you sit and the world shakes and explosions happen all around you, but you're used to that.

What you're not used to is crouching down, hands in your head praying one of these vpns work knowing you can't afford the ones in this situation. Hoping that it'll pass and things will back to normal that the VPN price hike will not become permanent and internet won't become a luxury.

When you pay an absurd amount of money because you miss your friends too much, and you went to call them but they're on the other side of the world.

When you cry the first time you hear their voice, when you don't care about past fights and grivences and regrets anymore because god, you can hear their voice.

And even then you can only call a few of them and only 20 minutes a week for 3 people because the minutes on your call are limited and you can't spend more than you already have.

Cherish what you have, your human rights that can easily be taken away from you by the ones that were meant to liberate and protect you.

[eldr1tchgl1tch]

I'm a software engineering student. I by all means could relearn html and CSS in a week and make a gorgeous Tumblr.

I am also depressed and busy with university hmmmm

[eldr1tchgl1tch]

I LIVE

yknow I did not think I would spend 6 months of my life in war; neither did I think my country instead of increasing the quality of communication would cut off our internet for 3 months.

not only that but cell service and sms was fucked. genuinely, it sucks living here. I really hope I find a way out of this hellscape.

they let us have internet back like last week and It is not at all good quality, it's more unstable and slower than ever before. and our max internet speed is already just 10mb/s

I'm just happy to be alive, a lot of people aren't anymore.

[eldr1tchgl1tch]

honestly as a programmer you'd think I'd have a custom tumblr page already, unfortunately I am still an engineering student (software engineering) and they kick our ass. I also have auadhd. recipe for disaster. BUT I WILL DO IT ... When I'm not burnt out anymore lol

[eldr1tchgl1tch]

holy hell I am still recovering from being cut off from the world for 2 weeks.

it's been what? a week since internet kinda properly came back? and I did not think 2 weeks offline would disorient me upon return this much.

like, I had a morning routine of doing gacha dailies while making breakfast and a morning stretch and all that. And so many youtube videos I wanna watch. I was already succumbing to the numb doom scroll and this is not helping. honestly I'm just happy to be able to play ttrpgs and talk to my friends again. god there was a hole in my heart that entire time, I didn't have the energy for pretty much anything.

but at least I finished the zero escape triology and that was AMAZING. truly an amazing game 9/10 god so good.

[eldr1tchgl1tch]

I think the challeneg I set for myself for october art prompts was a good idea. for this one I'm focusing on my anatomy, shape knowledge and lineart.

I think there are times where you underestimate your skills and knowledge on a subject, just because it doesn't translate into the art you make casually.

But it's not because you don't understand it or don't have the skills, but because it hasn't become enough of muscle memory for it to show when you're not putting your active focus into it.

It has been a WHILE since I sat down to do proper lineart. Or focus on the anatomy of a character.

I tend to doodle a lot more than anything these days.

I also tried hatching with the previous art piece I did for OCtober. And it wasn't as good as this one. Sometimes you really need to fail at something you're supposed to be good at, so that you warmup.

[eldr1tchgl1tch]

one of the best choices I made in 2025 when I made my goals for the year was changing my goal of two illustrations a month, to opening a digital sketchbook.

it took a while to get comfortable with unfinished, incompelete pieces. but I got faster, looser, better in only 4 months.

I can make coloured sketches in a fraction of the time it used to take me, while looking better than my younger self's illustrations.

if 15 year old zee could see me now, they would be jumping out of their skin with how good it looks. would be like "THAT'S A SKETCH?!" and I think about that alot.

but the most important part and result of this new challenge I set for myself, to be comfortable to doodle even behind my professional setup, is that art is fun again.

I can finally doodle out scenes of my campaigns without worry, I've even started drawing chibis just to get the scenes out quickly. and it's been fun again! it's been so lovely, and so amazing.

I never thought I could enjoy art like I used to, I never thought I'd tackle my perfectionism enough to start animating. but I did. it happened, all it took was being a bit uncomfortable at first, and finding a spark in my ttrpg campaigns.

cause I don't plan to post my sketches, I'll only post them if I feel like it. the only people that see it are my partymates and my close friends and my close art server. those who are my biggest fans even when I put out slob.

it's good to have a close knit network that like your art, because social media makes you forget that art isn't meant to be perfect.

idk,... I just, for once even under the fog of depression, I feel like myself again, and I can be proud of myself. and I can finally release the guilt of not drawing, and relax the days I don't want to draw. it's a big step.

maybe 2026 I'll tackle that two illustrations a month goal, for now though, I'm not just content, I'm happy.