I can’t help but to feel a sense of disappointment within myself when it comes to my recovery. I started Zubsolv almost three weeks ago and just the change in my mind set alone has given me so much hope for living sober. But I can’t help but to wonder why I couldn’t just do it on my own. I don’t plan on this being permanent, but I wish I didn’t feel guilty as if I am not strong enough to do this on my own. Dealing with depression and anxiety are hard enough, but after a 5 year long addiction, they worsen and you don’t realize how your use has effected the chemicals in your brain. I realize how cowardly and selfish I was in my addiction. I realize how afraid I was of facing reality. I realize I was just living in an excuse to not face myself and my fears. But if you have not struggled with addiction, you cannot even begin to fathom how the cravings and the lifestyle will take over your entire existence. I am grateful I made the decision to push myself in the right direction. It amazes me how much this medicine has helped me already, and for once I can actually say doing the right thing feels amazing and I am looking forward to what I accomplish. I just hope I can stop being so hard on myself. One day at a time.