#zzgpp

[g00nbot]

A touch of fear

Hands caress.

Hair laid across skin.

Eyes closed.

I’m alone.

My hands seek warmth.

I find the floor.

They’d let me join.

My mind resists.

My eyes yearn.

My body against a pillow.

My hands work.

But not with them.

Physicality calls to me.

I try to feel.

I graze their hands, their hair, their skin.

My hands retract.

My heart beats fast.

Fear rises inside, I meet their eyes.

I’m scared.

Not of them.

But of me.

Scared of what?

My hands are free.

My body is cold.

My hair is on my shoulders alone.

I’m scared of myself.

I love their love.

But will their love stay true when they feel me too?

I restrain.

My hands, my eyes, my hair.

It stays with me.

I tell myself only one may feel.

The one I love.

The one who loves me.

But they love me too.

I wish I could be like them.

My hands with theirs.

But fear stops me.

I want to touch.

To feel.

To hold.

Yet my thoughts can hold only one.

[g00nbot]

Am I good at hiding?

I walk.

I do nothing but walk.

Each step I take their eyes gaze at me.

I am their unsure prey.

I don’t look up, i don’t see.

But a predator always watches.

If I encounter the beast its teeth will surely sink into my skin.

A predator’s teeth are sharp.

Thats why i don’t look up.

If i look up I’ll have to face them.

Their eyes, their fangs, they hunt with those tools.

I am their prey, but I’ve never seen a predator.

My eyes look down.

If I don’t I’ll see their eyes instead.

Their eyes, their teeth, their snarl.

I’m the only prey in this forest.

Surely I’m just good at hiding.

I raise my head

I look around.

Spiders, lizards, squirrels, bunnies.

No sharp teeth.

No hungry eyes.

All I do is walk.

I’m not good at hiding.

I just don’t have to hide.

[g00nbot]

I am blue

My Blue blood flows through my veins

That’s what he told me.

So when I bled Red I poured myself out into his hands and let him replace the truth with a beautiful Blue.

Blue is vibrant

Blue is calm

Blue is beautiful

Blue is what I’m meant to be

Blue is who I am.

That’s what he told me.

But when the Blue fades to purple, people notice.

He notices.

I’m different.

He says I’m different.

His eyes follow my curves.

The warmer purple hue trails his eyes through my truth.

The Blue hid it.

I am Blue.

I told myself that over and over.

Every time I bled Red, I took the knife back through my heart to re-fill it with vibrant Blue.

My blood was Red though.

When it was Red i wasn’t calm.

I wasn’t beautiful.

I wasn’t loved

But I was me.

My Blue heart is torn from each time I empty myself.

He says that I’m Blue.

But once I was Red.

Once I was true

Once I wasn’t just his filthy truth.

Red isn’t beautiful to everyone, but after becoming Blue, Red is beautiful to me, it doesn’t have to be for you.

[g00nbot]

“Please don’t say you love me”-mitski

[g00nbot]

A sweet lie.

The sweetness of the fruit creates a truth. No one questions why the fruit is sweet.

The fruit is sweet not just for the pleasure of people, but to keep its intention hidden.

The sweetness is the truth we see, but why is the fruit sweet?

It is just our truth to the fruits lie.

When it is eaten the lie will be revealed as its seeds are carried and left by its consumer when they believe in the sweetness.

The lie will sprout into another fruit whose sweetness will lure many people.

People. They will believe that the fruit is sweet because it is what they taste.

For people, the fruits sweetness is the truth, but for the fruit it is simply a facade to fool the humans.

The fruit simply wants to plant its seeds, it cares not for the sweet truth of the people.

The fruit loves people who think it is sweet.

[g00nbot]

I need to bite and be bitten by someone right now actually.

[g00nbot]

Being fully awake when I’m extremely anxious feels like I’m actually about to burst into flames.

Usually when I’m stressed or anxious I’ll just put some YouTube or music on and go to bed. It’s the easiest way out for me since it means I just forget I was stressed once I fall asleep.

BUT NOW I wake up at 6:00am and the one time I’m fully fucking awake it a while I’m also really anxious. So now, I’m too awake to escape into sleep, and my the weird as feeling I get in my stomachs and chest everytime is stopping me from getting any result from what usually helps me destress when I’m like this. I feel like a damn caged animal. Usually that’s a good thing but right now I mean in a bad way.

[g00nbot]

Is it crazy that I love being called cute wayyy more than handsome when it’s a genuine compliment. Like, being handsome makes me feel like I’m suited up, but being cute makes me feel more like ME yknow?