Becoming Me

poly pansexual nonbinary trans femme | she/they | age 40 | HRT Aug 11, 2017 | fiercely intersectional | neurodivergent | spoonie | OC California | no exclusionists | AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Woomy

[takoluka39]

I don’t know why I never considered this before - maybe I actually did die when I was 12 years old and I’ve been in hell ever since. It would explain quite a lot

[takoluka39]

Calligraphr - Create your own fonts.

The most simple way to create vector fonts from handwriting or calligraphy using a pen and paper.

Calligraphr.com, the most simple way to convert your handwriting or calligraphy into a font.

[paganinpurple]

AO3 Etiquette -UPDATED

Based on both decent and not so decent replies, I have made some changes to my original post below.

It would seem a whole new kind of AO3 reader/writer is emerging and it is becoming clear not everyone quite understands how the website community works. Here is some basic guidance on how most people expect you to go about using AO3 to keep this a fun community archive that funtions correctly:

As well as likes, kudos is for when the story was interesting enough to make you finish reading. If it sucked or was badly written, you probably left. If you finished it, you liked it - so kudos.

If you really liked it, you should try to comment. It can be long and detailed or a literal keysmash. Writers don't care, we just love comments.

No critisism unless the author has specifically asked or agreed to hear it (so use your notes to say if you want some constructive feedback). Even constructive critisism is a no-no unless an author note tells you it's okay. No, posting it online is not an open invitation for that. Many people write as a fun hobby or a way to cope with, among other things, insecurity and just want to share. Don't ruin that for them. I've seen so many authors just stop writing coz they can't handle the negative emotions the critism brings, and it's only meant to be a fun thing shared for free (pointing out tagging errors is not included in this).

Do not comment to ask the author to write/update something else. It's tacky and off-putting and will probably have the opposite effect than the one you want.

There is no algorithm, it's an archive. Use the search and filter function to add/remove the pairings/characters/tropes etc. you want to read about and it will find you the fics that fit the bill.

For this to work, writers must tag and rate stories. This avoids readers finding the wrong things and missing the stuff they want. I don't care how cringy that trope is in your eyes - it gets tagged.

The tag exception is if you don't want to tag a million things or spoil your story, you can rate it as "chose not to use warnings," and maybe tag the bare minimum.

Don't censor tags. How can someone exclude a tag if the word isn't typed out correctly? There are no content bans for terms so don't censor them.

If the tags are mostly content/trigger warnings, especially if they are things considered very fucked up or graphic, you might want to use "dead dove - do not eat" to ensure people know that you're not messing around with tags and what they get is exactly what you've warned them about.

Character A/Character B means a ROMANTIC or SEXUAL relationship of some kind. Character A&Character B is PLATONIC, like friendship or family.

Nothing is banned. This is an rule because banning one thing is a slipperly slope to banning another and another, until nothing is allowed anymore. Do not expect anyone to censor for you. Because of the tags system, you are responsible for your own reading experience.

People can create new chapters and sequels/fic series any time after they "complete" a story. So it's considered perfectly normal to subscribe, even to a finished story. You can even subscribe to the author instead just to cover your bases.

Do not repost stories or change the publishing date without an extremely good reason (like a complete top to bottom rewrite or an exchange youve written for going public). It's an archive, not social media. No one cares what's the most recent, only what fits their tag needs.

Instead of deleting a story you wrote if you hate it - consider making it anonymous or orphaning it so others can still enjoy it, without it being connected to your name anymore. If you still want to delete it, fair enough.

It's come to my attention that metaworks ARE allowed on AO3, which is something I wasn't aware of. So if you do post an essay or theory, please tag it as such so others can choose to search for it or exclude it. Art is also allowed.

The only reason this archive works is because NON ONE PROFITS. Do not link to your ko-fi or patreon or mention monetary gain in any way or you violate the terms and risk having your account removed. If anyone does link, it leaves the archive open to people claiming it's for profit and having the whole thing removed.

I KNOW there's plenty more I missed but I'm trying to cover most of the basics that people seem to be struggling with.

I invite anyone to add to this, but please explain, don't berate.

[takoluka39]

Seeing everyone else’s before and after transition pics is honestly depressing. I feel like I was doing so well the first year or two and then everything just kind of fizzled out. I’m broke and ugly and I look almost exactly like I did before I transitioned except I’m fat now

[takoluka39]

These days im always exhausted, my head hurts and I can’t think because I don’t get enough rest and sleep. It’s funny cause I just sat down in the break room and closed my eyes. And for the first time in a while I noticed how bad my left foot hurts (the one that got smushed in the motorcycle crash). Other things hurting so much im becoming numb to the stuff that’s been hurting for longer

[takoluka39]

My life alternates between being mad that I’ve been given more than I can handle and apologizing for not being able to handle what I’ve been given

[mysharona1987]

[takoluka39]

Star Trek is one of my oldest special interests and it’s super cool how into it my wife has become, but I think I taught her too well cause she started quoting the Rules of Acquisition while she was fucking me right now

[takoluka39]

Honestly I hate religion. I mean, to each their own, whatever helps you get through life on this disaster of a planet, as long as you’re not hurting anyone.

I hate religion for teaching me to deny so many parts that I now know are integral to who I am. I hate that I thought it was wrong to be gay when I was a kid. I hate that I wasted most of my life thinking monogamy is the only way. Fucking shit when I look at myself now monogamy feels so ducking unnatural.

Even watching tv it’s just like, fuck, shit, these characters have so much sexual tension but they won’t do anything cause they’re both in relationships with other people. It’s like dear god get over yourselves and fuck what’s the problem

[takoluka39]

Trans people are so sexy, holy shit breaking the gender binary fucking turns me on

[takoluka39]

So ya girl got fucked last night

Found some random person on Lex I liked their post, they messaged me, and then an hour and half later we were having SEX

Fricking happy right now it’s been a longgggggg time since I’ve had sex and it was the first time I ever hooked up with someone I didn’t even know. It was freakin awesome 🥰🥰🥰

[takoluka39]

Trans Pride OC was super fun, today I got

Signed Ryan Cassata CD

Signed Tomboyce Avenue CD

Laid 😁🥰🥰🥰

[takoluka39]

It’s funny how things come full circle

[takoluka39]

I guess writing a polyamorous throuple as my primary protagonists for so long has got my own innate polyamorous nature on my mind. Just had a really long, complex dream on the topic.

So I’m the dream this girl was super into me and I was super into her. We both wanted to hang out together more, explore, see where things go. But I told her I had to talk to my wife about it first. (Wife and I are TF4TF by the way). Well my wife said no (again, this is in the dream). Well then the girl shows up again starts flirting with me and I’m like not doing anything with her but I’m also not telling her to get lost either, kind of hesitating to chase her away cause the feelings are so strong. So she starts massaging my shoulders and that’s when my wife walks in. Gets super pissed, I try to explain.

So after that my wife stops talking to me for a long time in the dream. Days, months, who knows. She trains our dog to bite me and gets two more dogs to keep me away from her. So I’m all crying and she tells me to shut up and stop crying. Basically lose all my emotion. And the kicker at the end of the dream the girl I was into says she wasn’t actually into me, she was trying to get me to join their resistance (which was some group trying to spread polyamory).

Anyway I think this dream has a lot of interesting layers about where I’m at. Cause it’s like I’m deeply, inexorably poly. But I am too scared of screwing up what I have with my wife. Because we totally get each other being T4T and we love and appreciate each other. I definitely don’t want to screw up what we have. Aside from the fact that I depend on her for my living situation- I know how hellish life is when the person you are living with despises you- I would never want to lose the love we share. But at the same time, I feel the desire to explore more, different kinds of love. I feel like if I never explore I’ll end up like a painting that’s only half colored and half blank.

But I’m the end it’s a moot point. As someone who is chronically ill and chronically fatigued, all my energy that I do have goes into the capitalist machine so that we can stay alive and pay bills. I wouldn’t have the time or energy to explore even if I wanted to. It just breaks my heart just a little bit to think that part of who I am will never be actualized.

But it’s not all negative. I have so much to be grateful for. I am out, proudly gay, proudly trans. I wouldn’t give that up for the world. It’s more than I ever expected in this lifetime. And I have a wife who loves me. She is the sweetest person I’ve ever met. And she shares in my special interests. I am so lucky. I don’t think most people are fortunate enough to have what I have. Even though I wish every person could find the right kind of love for them.

I guess I should go back to bed. I have to go to school in the morning. Still somewhat humiliating to be going to junior college at age 39, but it is what it is. The capitalist machine must be fed.

Closing thought: Becoming rich in money seems to me to be a fool’s errand. I want to be rich in love.

[takoluka39]

Does anyone still use this site? I used to meet so many incredible queer trans people on here back when I first came out in 2017. But it seems like there was a mass exodus when they disallowed nudity

[takoluka39]

This Jukebox AI software is amazing! Also it’s really easy to see how this could be used for evil.

The AI even put dirty noises at the end of the sexual song...

Frank Sinatra - Get Pegged (If You Want) (Disipline cover)

[prideknights]

Say Their Names

Day 1 of Tumblr’s #ActsOfPride campaign:

These are the black trans lives we have lost due to violence in the United States since 2009. Sadly, this is most likely not a complete list as many of the souls we have lost go unreported or were misgendered. They will not be forgotten.

Caprice Curry, 31 - Killed January 17, 2009 Jimmy McCollough, 34 - Killed April 14, 2009 Foxy Ivy, mid 30s - May 23, 2009 Christopher Jermaine Scott, 36 - Killed July 1, 2009 Beyonce (Eric) Lee, 21 - Killed July 26, 2009 Tyli’a Mack, 21 - Killed August 26, 2009 Dee Green, 25 - Killed October 26, 2009 Toni Alston, 44 - Killed April 3, 2010 Chanel (Dana A. Larkin), 26 - Killed May 7, 2010 Sandy Woulard, 28 - Killed June 21, 2010 Victoria Carmen White, 28 - Killed September 8, 2010 Stacey Lee aka Stacey Blahnik, 31 - Killed October 11, 2010 Tyra Trent, 25 - Killed February 19, 2011 Marcal Camero Tye, 25 - Killed March 8, 2011 Miss Nate Nate, 44 - Killed June 13, 2011 Lashai Mclean, 23 - Killed July 20, 2011 Shelley Hilliard, 19 - Killed October 23, 2011 Chassity Nathan Vickers, 32 - Killed November 17, 2011 Githe Goines, 23 - Killed December 29, 2011 Crain Conaway, 47 - Killed January 17, 2012 Deoni Jones, 23 - Killed February 2, 2012 Coko Williams, 35 - Killed April 4, 2012 Tyrell Jackson, 23 - Killed April 4, 2012 Paige Clay, 23 - Killed April 16, 2012 Brandy Martell, 37 - Killed April 29, 2012 Tracey Johnson, 40 - Killed July 5, 2012 Tiffany Gooden, 19 - Killed August 14, 2012 Dewayne “Deja” Jones, 33 - Killed August 26, 2012 Kendall Hampton, 26 - Killed August 29, 2012 Evon Young, 22 - Killed January 1, 2013 Cemia “CeCe” Dove, 23 - Killed March 27, 2013 Kelly Young, 29 - Killed April 3, 2013 Ashley Sinclair, 30 - Killed April 11, 2013 Fatima Woods, 53 - Killed May 30, 2013 Jock Maurice McKinney, 50 - Killed 12 July, 2013 Diamond Williams, 31 - Killed July 14, 2013 Domonique Newburn, 31 - Killed August 20, 2013 Islan Nettles, 21 - Killed August 20, 2013 Artegus Konyale Madden, 37 - Killed September 1, 2013 Terry Golston, 44 - Killed September 6, 2013 Eyricka Morgan, 26 - Killed September 24, 2013 Brittany Stergis, 22 - Killed December 5, 2013 Kandy Hall, 40 - Killed June 3, 2014 Yaz'min Shancez, 31 - Killed June 19, 2014 Tiffany Edwards, 28 - Killed June 26, 2014 Mia Henderson, 26 - Killed July 16, 2014 Aniya Parker, 47 - Killed October 3, 2014 Ashley Sherman, 25 - Killed October 27, 2014 Gizzy Fowler, 24 - Killed November 12, 2014 Lamar Edwards, 20  - Killed January 9, 2015 Lamia Beard, 30 - Killed January 17, 2015 Ty Underwood, 24  - Killed January 26, 2015 Yazmin Vash Payne, 33 - Killed January 31, 2015 Taja Gabrielle DeJesus, 36 - Killed February 1, 2015 Penny Proud, 21 - Killed February 10, 2015 Keyshia Blige, 33 - Killed March 7, 2015 London Chanel, 21 - Killed May 18, 2015 Ashton O’Hara, 25 - Killed July 14, 2015 India Clarke, 25 - Killed July 2, 2015 Shade Schuler, 22 - Killed July 29, 2015 Amber Monroe, 20 - Killed August 8, 2015 Kandis Capri, 35 - Killed August 11, 2015 Elisha Walker, 20 - Killed August 13, 2015 Kiesha Jenkins, 22 - Killed October 6, 2015 Zella Ziona, 21 - Killed October 15, 2015 Veronica Banks Cano, mid 30s - Killed February 19, 2016 Maya Young, 25 - Killed February 21, 2016 Demarkis Stansberry, 30 - Killed February 27, 2016 Kedarie Johnson, 16 - Killed March 2, 2016 Shante Isaac, 34 - Killed April 10, 2016 Keyonna Blakeney, 22 - Killed April 16, 2016 Tyreece Walker, 32 - Killed May 1, 2016 Mercedes Successful, 32 - Killed May 15, 2016 Goddess Diamond, 20 - Killed June 5, 2016 Deeniquia Dodds, 22 - Killed July 13, 2016 Dee Whigam, 25 - Killed July 23, 2016 Skye Mockabee, 26 - Killed July 30, 2016 Rae'Lynn Thomas, 28 - Killed August 10, 2016 T.T. Saffore, mid-20s, Killed September 11, 2016 Crystal Edmonds, 22 - Killed September 16, 2016 Jazz Alford, 30 - Killed September 23, 2016 Brandi Bledsoe, 32 - Killed October 12, 2016 Noony Norwood, 30 - Killed November 5, 2016 India Monroe, 29 - Killed December 21, 2016 Mesha Caldwell, 41 - Killed January 4, 2017 JoJo Striker, 23 - Killed February 8, 2017 Jaquarrius Holland, 18, - Killed February 19, 2017 Keke Collier, 24 - Killed February 21, 2017 Chyna Gibson, 31 - Killed February 25, 2017 Ciara McElveen, 21 - Killed February 27, 2017 Alphonza Watson, 38 -Killed March 22, 2017 Kenne McFadden, 27 - Killed April 9, 2017 Chay Reed, 28 - Killed April 21, 2017 Brenda Bostick, 59 - Killed April 25, 2017 Sherrell Faulkner, 46, Died May 16, 2017 Ava Le'Ray Barrin, 17 - Killed June 25, 2017 Ebony Morgan, 28 - Killed July 2, 2017 TeeTee Dangerfield, 32 - Killed July 31, 2017 Jaylow McGlory, 29 - Killed August 4, 2017 Kiwi Herring, 30 -Killed August 22, 2017 Kashmire Redd, 28 - Killed September 4, 2017 Derricka Banner, 26 - Killed September 12, 2017 Candace Towns, 30 - Killed October 31, 2017 Brooklyn BreYanna Stevenson, 31 - Killed November 27 2017 Brandi Seals, 26 - Killed December 13, 2017 Celine Walker, 36 - Killed February 4, 2018 Tonya Harvey, 35 - Killed February 6, 2018 Phylicia Mitchell, 46 - Killed February 23, 2018 Amia Tyrae, 28 - Killed March 28, 2018 Sasha Wall, 29 - Killed April 1, 2018 Nino Fortson, 36 - Killed May 13, 2018 Gigi Pierce, 28 - Killed May 21, 2018 Antash’a Devine Sherrington English, 38 - Killed June, 2018 Diamond Stephens, 39 - Killed June 18, 2018 Cathalina Christina James, 24 - Killed June 24, 2018 Keisha Wells, 50s - Killed June 24, 2018 Sasha Garden, 27 - Kille July 19, 2018 Vontashia Bell, 18 - Killed August 30, 2018 Dejanay Stanton, 24 - Killed August 30, 2018 Shantee Tucker, 30 - Killed September 5, 2018 Londonn Moore, 20 - Killed September 8, 2018 Ciara Minaj Carter, 31 - Killed October 3, 2018 Regina Denise Brown, 53 - Killed October 10, 2018 Tydi Dansbury, 37, Killed November 26, 2018 Keanna Mattel, 35 - Killed December 7, 2018 Dana Martin, 31 - Killed January 6, 2019 Jazzaline Ware, 34 - Killed March 25, 2019 Ashanti Carmon, 27, Killed March 30, 2019 Claire Legato, 21 - Killed April 15, 2019 Muhlaysia Booker, 23 - Killed May 18, 2019 Michelle “Tamika” Washington, 40 - Killed May 19, 2019 Paris Cameron, 20 - Killed May 25, 2019 Chynal Lindsey, 26 - Killed June 1, 2019 Chanel Scurlock, 23 - Killed June 5, 2019 Layleen Polanco, 27 - Killed June 7, 2019 Zoe Spears, 23 - Killed June 13, 2019 Brooklyn Lindsey, 32 - Killed June 25, 2019 Denali Berries Stuckey, 29 - Killed July 20, 2019 Kiki Fantroy, 21 - Killed July 31, 2019 Pebbles La Dime Doe, 24 - Killed August 4, 2019 Bubba Walker, 55 - Killed July 2019 Tracy Single, 22 - Killed July 30, 2019 Bee Love Slater, 23 - Killed September 1, 2019 Bailey Reeves, 17 - Killed September 2, 2019 Ja’Leyah-Jamar, 30 - Killed September 13, 2019 Itali Marlowe, 29 - Killed September 20, 2019 Brianna “BB” Hill, 30, Killed October 13, 2019 Yahira Nesby, 33 - Killed December 19, 2019 Monika Diamond, 34 - Killed March 18, 2020 Nina Pop, 28 - Killed May 3, 2020 Tony McDade, 38 - Killed May 27, 2020

All of them should still be here with us today.

Say their names.

[oceandaddy69]

I was scrolling down this list and the longer I realized this list was the more tears formed in my eyes.. Say their names ✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿