dealing with my first rejection
no idea why im writing this, maybe just want to let it all out.
so when i first got the call for interview in one of the Big4 company where i always dreamed abt working, I thought it was the 'Perfect Job at Perfect Time'. I told myself that this is it, iknew god has plans for me!!. Got my hopes up after a long time. Well, my first mistake.
I believe i did my best in the interview, from arriving literally an hour early to being completely polite with my answers. Though maybe i could have been more convincing abt how me staying 2.5hrs away from office wont be a problem. but theres always gonna be room for things i couldve said, couldve done. doesnt matter. i prayed everyday, hoped every second that things will work out for me.
It didnt, apparently. A friend of mine who applied for the same position, got the offer. I still havent received a rejection email or any calls. No courtesy to inform me whatsoever. And ofc im bitter about the company. I'd like to believe i wasn't selected bcs of the travelling distance and not bcs my lack of credibility, to stop myself from going insane. i know it was just the first interview, first rejection but whyy did it have to be the best possible thing with so much at stake.
Thoughts like "it was too good to happen to me" and all the negativity has taken over my mind. Should have never applied in the first place. atleast fear of not trying was better false hopes. This mentality, i know is so wrong. but i cant help but cling to this darkness. theres just not enough light for me to go anywhere.