Your Local Unsatified Artist

Just a bisexual girl who plays piano, bass and doublebass for living || Pretty much an art hoe, who’s living thanks to dead Caucasian composers || 19 yo, Italy (but a wannabe Croatian) || if soccer is a religion, then HNS is my Olympus ||

[froaffes-deactivated20190904]

Croatian swearwords masterpost

@ dad I am so sorry, I know you tried to teach me better (while at the same time you tried to teach my cousin Luka how to swear)

You’ll be so traumatised after this, but remember, no matter how terrible this sounded in english, it’s the most casual thing to say in Croatia.

Jebem ti mater. - I fuck your mother.

U pičku materinu. - In mother’s cunt.

U kurac. - In cock.

Dejan Lovren’s epic Jebat ću ti mater u pičku ja. - Fuck your mother in cunt I will. He did some crazy shit here, introversion or whatever…

My fave Pun kurac i 300. - Full cock and three hundred. That’s how you say “It’s been so long” in Dalmatia.

Jebiga. - Fuck him. When something didn’t end up the way you planned.

Jebote. - Fuck you. When you’re surprised by anything literally.

Zajebi to. - Fuck it over. When something isn’t important.

Boli me kurac. - My cock hurts (me). Equvalent of “I don’t give a fuck.”

Jebi mu mater. - Fuck him mother. (No, not “Fuck his mother.”) When someone isn’t worth the effort.

Fala kurcu. - Thanks to cock. When something ended up well or better than expected, also can be used as “Of course.” or “Finally.” Probably only used in Dalmatia.

Jebem ti mater plastičnu. - I fuck your plastic mother.

Sereš blitve. - You’re shitting mangolds. Not really a swearword, more an expression.

One of my favourites Jebote patak. - The duck shall fuck you. For when you’re surprised.

Jebem ti pleme. - I fuck your tribe. Only heard people from Dalmatia and Istra use this, but not 100% sure. I use it when I forget something important.

Jebem ti sumpor/krušnu mrvu/jarca/politiku/mlijeko u prahu. - I fuck your sulfur/breadcrumb/goat/politics/powder milk.

Odi v rit. - Go in ass. Submitted by someone from Istra.

Grom te spržio. - May the lightning burn you. Not the swearword, more an expression.

Pičkin dim. - Pussy’s smoke. When something is easy to do.

Puši kurac. - Smoke cock. Something like “Fuck you” but with passion.

Kurvin sin./Kujin sin. - Son of a whore/Son of a bitch.

Ma ko te jebe. - Oh who fucks you. Can’t translate it properly tbh, but it’s like “No one gives a fuck about you” but with rudeness and passion.

Jebeš me u zdrav mozak. - You’re fucking me in healthy brain. Like… When someone is lying straight in your face.

Vrag ti sriću odnia. - The devil shall take your hapiness/joy away. When you’re mad at someone…

Pas mater! - shortened from “Jeba ti pas mater.”

Jeba ti pas mater. - The dog shall fuck your mother. Very common in Dalmatia when someone makes you angry.

Bokte neće. - The God doesn’t want you. When something is difficult or annoying.

Marin Čilić got mad and said Jebem ti mater u pičku. - I’m fucking your mother in cunt.

Spičkat. - rouglhy translated “To cunt out” but that’s not really that it just means thah you, for example, wasted/spent money. Also used when you make some damage, as for example, when you fall and hurt your knees. Not really a swearword.

Opizdit. - something like “Spičkat” but this is only used for when you fall.

Jebem ti sve po spisku. - I fuck you everything from the list. Jesus Christ this is difficult to translate… When you’re •very• mad.

Jebo te onaj ko te rodio. - The one who gave you birth fucks you.

Ivano Balić’s Ne zaustavljamo i ne pravimo foulove pička mu materina, igramo ko kurac ne borimo se ništa, ništa ne radimo ja prvi pa svi ostali ajde pička vam materina… Pička mu materina amo se borit jebem mu mater! Jebi mu loptu materinu! - We’re not blocking nor making fouls his mother’s cunt, we’re playing like dick, not fighting at all, not doing anything, firstly I and then the rest, c'mon your mother’s cunt… His mother’s cunt let’s fight I fuck his mother! Fuck him his mother’s ball. This makes no sense in English…

Jebeš me? - You fucking me? Like “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Sandra Perković’s Jebem ti mater u kurac. - I fuck your mother in cock.

Sorry if I forgot to add something, feel free to add in reblog/comment. Don’t @ me bc of translation, I translated word-to-word. Now scuse me, I have to visit chruch and bath myself in holy water.

@sauerkroat (you requested) & @peakyrach (I know you’ll love it)

[sparkle-of-light-deactivated202]

I am from Croatia and this is so funny :))) .

[thoodleoo]

one of my favorite (read: least favorite) things about how people treat cleopatra is she’s so often called a slut or is only ever portrayed as being this incredibly sexy, often scantily-clad seductress, when in actuality 1. while some ancient sources describe her as somewhat pretty, it generally seems that what was attractive about her was her intellect, charm, and voice, and the sources that refer to her as extremely sexy/slutty are specifically out to condem her, 2. she was a brilliant politician who chose her affairs as a way of securing power for her country and not just so she could have a bunch of sex (which shouldn’t be an issue anyway), and 3. one of the men she had an affair with was mark antony, ancient roman super slut supreme, a man known for his love of sex and tendency to wear extremely short tunics for the sake of showing off his sexy legs/probably also his dick

i’m not saying there’s anything wrong with portraying cleopatra as beautiful or even sexy, because she clearly had allure. all i’m saying is that, if your cleopatra is wearing less clothing than your mark antony, there’s probably a problem in your depiction of them

[chotomy]

i’ve cracked the code,

[headspace-hotel]

reblogging for “Marc Antony super slut supreme”

[awakeby-awindow]

[roryen-blog1]

Doctor: ok, take this med A right after breakfast and this med B right after dinner

Me: k

Doctor: do you need a note to remember?

Me: nah, it’s just two meds, I can do it!!

Also me: (has AHDH and just inverted her meds)

[introvertia]

Good Omens Harrigrove Crossover?

[roryen-blog1]

Nobody:

Me: in this house we stan Billy Hargrove and Dacre Montgomery, and Billy truly deserves real!! character!! development!! (If it’s possible not-so-much hetero-centric but we can work on that)

[lucassvazquez]

6 seconds of luka wondering if he left the stove on

[astrogrly]

BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

JUVENTUS MOODBOARD.

[donbianconero]

write your current mood in the tags

[nedodominatrix]

Paulo, holding Mario’s hand: Dad, father, this is Ma-

Lionel: Mario Mandžukić, croatian from Slavonski Brod, 32 years old, 190 cm height, 85 kilos weight. Should I help you with the length of his dick or you will say it yourself?

Mario: …

Paulo: …

Lionel: shit

Cristiano: remind me, please, why did I marry you?

[too-much-time-in-space]

Peter: Happy Fathers Day! I love you guys!

Tony and Stephen: *trying to hold back tears* we love you too

[mcu-headcanons]

Peter: What would the chef recommend?

Tony: Peter, we’re at McDonald’s.

Peter: Oh, right, sorry. What would the McChef recommend?

[blogdeactivated1028]

Stephen: that’s a horrible Christmas gift idea.

Tony: trust me, he’ll love it!

-

Peter, attempting to cuddle all 15 roombas: I LOVE MY CHILDREN MISTER STARK

[elisaphoenix13]

Mystery Nanites P.1

Peter glances at a simple black metal bracelet sitting on the workable and he tilts his head. It looked very similar to Tony’s chest piece and Peter’s own bracelet which only meant that it was nano technology. He just didn’t know who it was for. Tony was still pretty uptight about making nano suits for anyone other than himself and Peter, so it begged the question.

Whose suit was it?

The teen picks up the bracelet and Tony looks up from his own suit. “This is a new suit right? Who is it for?”

Tony actually squirmed in his seat. Not only that but he looked uncertain. Both sent Peter’s head spinning. The engineer was always proud and confident about his work to the point where he was already working on a new upgrade just after sending one of the Avengers off with one. Everyone barely had enough time to test the new stuff before Tony was throwing something else at them. All but Stephen of course. He didn’t have anything for Tony to upgrade, and the engineer constantly complained that the sorcerer’s robes weren’t adequate enough protection–

Oh.

OH.

Peter smiles at his father and Tony raises an eyebrow. “It’s for Mom isn’t it?”

Brown eyes widen and the owner coughs. “I was bored. It’s only going to collect dust.”

The teen frowns. “You don’t know that.”

Tony ignores him and turns back to his nanotech suit leaving Peter to study the bracelet. He knew the man wouldn’t give it to Stephen under the impression that it would be rejected, so Peter would take it upon himself to do it for him. He might get yelled at later, but it would be worth it. He was fairly certain Stephen would actually be grateful that Tony thought of his safety.

So he slipped it into his pocket while his father was focused on making adjustments to Bleeding Edge.

“I’m gonna make myself a couple of sandwiches. Want one?”

“Turkey.”

Peter bounds out of the lab and rides the elevator up to the floor he shares with his parents and finds Stephen in the kitchen. Making sandwiches. Either he was going to force feed his family (Peter and Tony had been in the lab all day) or FRIDAY told him that Peter was coming up to do just that. The teen’s stomach growls loudly as he slides onto a stool across from the sorcerer and the elder man chuckles at the sound.

“I was told you were coming up to make yourself lunch. I figured I would make sure it wasn’t just a bag of chips.” The sorcerer pushes aside a completed turkey sandwich and starts on a couple of roast beef for Peter. “New project or just upgrades?”

“Oh, just some repairs and upgrades. Speaking of new projects…” Peter pulls the nanotech bracelet out of his pocket and holds it out to Stephen who regards it curiously.

“What’s this?”

“So uhh…Dad has no idea I’m giving this to you but I know he won’t do it himself so I’m doing you both a favor.”

Stephen raises an eyebrow as he takes the offered bracelet and puts it on. “That didn’t answer my question.”

Peter leans across the countertop and taps the surface in experimentation. In response, nanites cover the sorcerer’s body until a suit looking a cross between Tony’s and Peter’s forms itself. It was a dark blue, almost black, had the flexibility of Peter’s suit, and the protection of Tony’s. Most importantly it was form-fitting. The hands weren’t bulky so Stephen could still use his sling ring, and there were small grips on his shoulders for the cloak. Of course, the symbol for the Eye of Agamotto was displayed on the chest and Peter wondered if Tony designed the suit to actually place the relic in place of the symbol. Probably.

The cloak itself noticed its master’s new outfit and settled itself on his shoulders…rather happily. Stephen’s masks crawls away and he stares down at himself for a few moments before looking back up at Peter.

“He made me a suit.” The man’s voice cracks with suppressed emotion.

“Yeah. Mostly for protection. He’s always complaining about your robes not being enough…and it looks like he made it so that one of us can activate or deactivate it too. Like ours in case of an emer–” Stephen’s suit recedes back into the bracelet and he makes his way over to the elevator. “W-Wait. Where are you going?”

Peter abandons the counter and follows the doctor into the elevator and down to the lab where his heart drops into his stomach. Stephen didn’t look happy or mad but Peter felt like everything was backfiring. The sorcerer was probably going to confront Tony and ohmygodohmygodohmygod. This was a terrible idea. Now his parents were going to fight, Tony would hate him for going behind his back, and Stephen would yell at him for interfering.

Stephen punches in the code for the lab and practically glides in and right over to Tony who looks up at him in surprise. Peter shrinks in on himself when the sorcerer grabs the engineer’s face and kisses him–

Kisses?

The surprise was stronger than his disgust because there wasn’t any yelling.

Tony pulls away with an inquisitive look. “Not that I’m complaining but what was that about?”

“You made me a suit.”

Tony’s mouth open and closes as he looks at his work table to find the bracelet gone, and then glances at Stephen’s wrist. Peter never thought he would see Tony Stark speechless. He assumed that if he did, it would be because of a spell that Stephen cast on him for at least two minutes of silence. It was a viable threat that he made often to both Tony and Peter.

“…yes?” Tony responds carefully.

“Thank you. It’s perfect.”

The engineer sputters. “You like it?! I know the AI is male–”

“Wait. What AI?”

Peter finally finds his voice. “He didn’t complete the activation.”

Tony nods and motions toward the bracelet. “Turn it on again.”

Stephen taps the bracelet and waits for the suit to form again, only this time lights flash on and multiple screens pop up.

“Hello Doctor Strange.”

A male voice reverberates not only in his suit but also throughout the lab so Stephen allowed the suit’s mask to ebb away once again. The AI seemed to have an English accent.

“My suit has an AI.”

Tony laughs. “He’s your personal AI. Like Peter has Karen and I have FRIDAY. He needs a name though.”

“Victor.” Stephen spits out almost immediately and it makes Tony pause.

Stephen hardly spoke of his siblings but he knew enough to understand the significance. “Victor is connected to Karen and FRIDAY so as long as one of us is wearing something connected to our AI, we’ll know if something happens.”

Stephen nods but frowns when he turns to look at Peter. “We didn’t get anything from Karen when Peter was kidnapped.

Peter cringes at the memory. "She wasn’t connected to my watch yet. Dad fixed that as soon as he got home.”

“Good.”

Tony grins mischievous. “Don’t tell the others about the suit, but wear it to our next mission. I want to freak them out.”

Peter mimics the engineer’s expression as Stephen sighs heavily (but fondly) and deactivates his suit. He loved that Tony designed the suit to his fighting style and magic, but it wouldn’t be used all the time. He figured if things got dire or if an enemy was a heavy hitter, that would be the ideal time to use it. But he would humor his family in the next mission. He kind of wanted to freak out the other Avengers too. They might think there was another Iron Man.

“Tony…”

“Yeah babe?”

“Thank you.”

Tony pecks him on the cheek. “Anything for you and Peter. Except right now Peter is in trouble.”

The teen squawks. “No way!”

Stephen rubs Tony’s back. “He meant well.”

Tony visibly deflates both at the touch and his boyfriend’s words. “I guess I can let it slide but don’t do it again! I could have been saving that for a birthday!”

“You don’t hold onto something that could save someone’s life.”

Tony folds his arms. “Which reminds me, where’s my sandwich?” Peter perks up at the mention of food. “Yeah. Go. Daddy wants his lunch.”

The teen scampers out if the lab to retrieve their lunch and Stephen raises an eyebrow.

“You know I could have just used a portal.”

“And lose out on a couple minutes of alone time with you?” Tony mock gasps.

Stephen smirks. “I see our time in bed means nothing to you.”

“I was referring to time spent less primal Stephanie.”

[salty-ironstrange-shipper]

Harley: Hey, what's this?

Peter: "What Could Go Wrong?: The Board Game. The last players who opened this box never made it out alive."

Harley:

Peter:

Nebula:

Morgan:

Harley's little Sister:

Harley: Well, I know what we're doing today!

Peter: This should take up the next two and a half hours!

[strangemischief]

Tony: The risk I took was very calculated.

Stephen: WE ALL ALMOST DIED!

Tony: I never said I was good at math.

[salty-ironstrange-shipper]

Peter: When Freud said bisexuality is what happens when you don't fully develop a brain, he was right and I'm proof.

Stephen: Freud is a 'lil bitch, my idiocy doesn’t have anything to do with bisexuality and all to do with my own hubris.

Tony: I get offended when Freud says I’m a dumbass because I’m bi, because I feel like he’s overlooking all the other perfectly valid reasons I’m a dumbass.

Stephen: I'm bi and a dumbass, but those qualities are unrelated.

[renbaws-n-sparkles]

Tony: *sees peter doing something tony specifically told him NOT to*

Tony: You son of a bitch!You’re-

Peter,wide eyed: DOCTOR DAAAAAD! Iron dad is insulting himself again

Stephen: What did he say?

Peter: He called himself a bitch