"I like you. Like a lot."
The plane had landed, yet the words still hadn't come out. Nor the eyes that usually looked at him with adoration. Nothing was found. Nothing was on him.
Everything looks normal on the surface as both of them rarely talk in public. So nothing seems changed, but only they, or maybe, only he knew that everything had changed.
"New-ssi! We've arrived in the city you love. What's with the pouting!"
A voice came closer to him, followed by an arm hooked perfectly around his neck. He knew who it was just by the voice only.
"Nothing. I'm just a little bit tired from our last schedule. Let's go."
All the eleven men got off the plane together and hurriedly ushered to the car before they drove to the hotel they would be staying in. Everyone seemed exhausted inside the car that either they were sleeping or they were sleeping— he chuckled, looking at these brothers of him before falling into a daze.
Yes. They are all brothers.
He recovered from his short daze and decided to lean back on his seat, closing his eyes, and tried to catch some rest again.
Trying to not think about it too much.
After arriving at the hotel, putting down their luggage, and eating some food to patch their stomachs, everyone gathered in the lobby. They had decided to explore the city once they arrived as their schedule would be the day after today. As long as everyone was back at the designated time for rehearsal.
"I will stay in the hotel. You who wants to go, go. If you want to catch up some sleep, then sleep. Just make sure to be careful for those who are gonna go outside."
Everyone nodded as the leader decreed so.
After some reminders, each group went to their own path.
He saw him from the corner of his eyes, leaving with some brothers, still in that outfit of him that he chose way back before the departure. He couldn't help but lift up his lips a little bit into an invisible smile.
"The makne lines are going with Hyunjae hyung?" asked Lee Juyeon.
"Yes. Erigi has not been here last time, right? So they're going together. "
"Ah- that's right! I see, I see..". He nodded at what Changmin said.
"Then me and Kyu will go together as well." He continued.
Then, just like the other small groups, his two-person-group also decided to walk around the city of love together. Although the name is the city of love, being accompanied by his best friends for 75 years was enough.
Although it was different than the last time they came here. This was enough.
And just like that, he strolled around the city of love with his bestest friend. Luckily, they arrived during the day so they could go around the city right away. Ignoring the jetlag they felt.
He visited some clothing store, coffee shop— this one is a must go to for him—, some cafés, and stopped by to eat their meal in a restaurant together.
"So, what happened between you and him?"
The question he had been avoiding so much finally reached him from his best friend's lips. It took him a few seconds to react to that question. But then, he didn't even know how to answer nor how he really had to react.
"Is it really obvious?," he asked.
"Do you really think you can hide it away from me? From 'us'?!"
He looked at Ji Changmin abruptly as he heard what Changmin said to him.
"Who else? Sangyeon hyung, Younghoon hyung, Jacob hyung, Juyeon, and obviously me. " Changmin shrugged.
"We realized you have been— becoming really strange lately. You are quiet usually, but now you are either 'super' quiet, or you become talkative when usually you don't— as if you're trying to run away from something, " continued the man who was sitting in front of him.
He was silent for a while as he looked at Ji Changmin. He thought maybe it's time for him to stop to bear this burden alone in his heart. He, then, decided to order some menu as the stomach came first, and they could wait for the food while trying to talk together about his issue.
After everything was settled, he took a deep breath as he was ready to face it.
"I don't know where should I start...."
"....but at some point, everything just ended, and over, just like that. It went by so fast. Then suddenly the days changed, but I felt like I'm stuck somewhere, while the other seemed like he is able to move on and very fast at that."
Without him realizing it, his fingers curled and clenched into a fist, trying to suppress that weird feeling around his hands every time some angst was about to happen to him.
"Maybe it was a fear of being left behind... alone," he continued as he lowered his head, looking at the black coffee on the tea cup in front of him.
Yes. He is scared being left behind.
Isn't that such a scary thing to happen to you?
Maybe he is just too weak.
"New-ya, you are not weak."
The clear and firm voice woke him up from his mind.
"You are not alone as well. He is not the only one. Everything is not about him."
"And you are very precious. You are very worthy. And very important for us."
Ji Changmin firmly looked at his best friend's eyes, as if he was trying to reach out his hand to grab his best friend's soul out from the abyss.
He was startled at the words said by the man in front of him. The very man who usually acts very silly around him now holding onto his fist very tightly. As if to express...
'I am here with you, too'
Those firm eyes looking at him, making him choked up from suppressing his feeling to burst out from deep down in him that it made his skin flushed in red from his colar up to his neck, even his nose.
"Hey— I know you are touched and want to cry, but please mind our public image, alright? Not to mention, I am hungry as well," said Ji Changmin.
"Shut up! Whose fault do you think it is?!" He complained.
"Obviously not me. Probably that other guy somewhere, anyway, what do I care whose fault is it?" said Ji Changmin again, which resulted in him getting nuts thrown at him, followed with the waiter putting down their food and ended with both of them laughing and giggling foolishly with reasons only they knew about.
Later that night, it was Kim Younghoon and Lee Juyeon's turn to ask him out for a 'triple date,' they said, which actually only a night strolling together and taking a bunch of blurred pictures of each other, doing some silly stuff in the middle of the street without caring of people looking.
But, thanks to that, he was able to forget about the heavy feeling in his heart. As if he was freed from the dark clouds inside, which was swept by the night wind and the beauty of the night city view.
"Nu-ya, do you want to go for the second round? But, it's just the two of us"
They were at the hotel corridor after sending Kim Younghoon back to his room because he's gonna sleep early.
He looked at Lee Juyeon with eyes saying 'what possessed you?'
"I bought a wine— you have been enjoying it now, right? Let's drink it on the bench outside just near the river," continued Lee Juyeon as he was trying to persuade Choi Chanhee.
He was about to decline, but the mention of wine sold him right away at the invitation. So they walked on tiptoe along the corridor— even if no one would know—, and went outside with a bag of nutella biscuits and a bottle of wine that Lee Juyeon kept inside his bag this whole time. Lucky it didn't break while they were playing around earlier.
"I can't believe you have been bringing this whole bottle of wine with you all along inside your backpack," he was really astonished, looking at Lee Juyeon bringing out all those things from inside his backpack.
'Is that backpack some kind of Doraemon's pocket or something?'
"I protected it don't worry, it's safe with me!," Lee Juyeon said that with so much confidence while trying to open the wine with the tool he brought. He even brought the wine opener tool!
"Here you go. Sadly, I don't bring any cup so we have no other choice than drinking the wine right from the bottle— you're okay, right?." Lee Juyeon put the opened bottle on the free space between the both of them, right next to the opened biscuits that has been eaten a few by Choi Chanhee himself as he waited for the wine.
But as soon as he heard of what Lee Juyeon said to him, he looked at Lee Juyeon incredulously, "What the heck?! It's wine, not a soju!!"
"I know! But what can we do? I don't have any cup, not to mention glass with me"
"Unbelievable." He sighed. He couldn't do anything other than accepting the reality.
So they just did that. Drinking the wine straight from its bottle and sharing it together at that. At first, it was such an embarrassing thing. But since when has he ever been this conscious of Lee Juyeon? It's not like this is their first time sharing drinks together or even drinking from the same spot. So he decided to put it in the back of his mind and not care about it.
They then chatted with some light conversations about the nights, their experience on the first day in the city, and other light topics. which made him grateful because Lee Juyeon didn't bring up any of the heavy topics or the expected topic to be brought up remembering they were drinking wine at that time.
And thanks to the wine, his head felt light, and once again, he could enjoy the night breeze while sipping the wine and eating the biscuits.
"I'm gonna search for some water first, you can just wait here, okay? Don't go running anywhere else." Lee Juyeon stood up and took out his wallet from his backpack and putting back his bag on his sitting spot.
"Oh, sure. I will stay here." He answered as he looked at Lee Juyeon walking away and searching over their surroundings before he walked to a certain direction.
He let out a long sighed before he leaned back and stared at the black long river in front of him.
It's cold. The wind breeze. But it felt really nice. Especially with that, the area is very quiet, with only a few people spotted sitting on the other benches.
He grabbed the wine bottle and stood up, walking slowly a few steps towards the river, still staring so deeply at the endless dark river in front of him.
He was standing there, silent, and spacing out with no one knows what was he thinking about.
"I like you. Like a lot."
Suddenly, the six words slipped out of his lips, breaking the silence. But, he didn't continue his words. Instead, he looked down at his own feet. His grip on the bottle tightened up, followed by his hardened jaw. As if he was trying to suppress something from surging up from inside. As if at the next moment, a raindrop would fall to the ground.
But instead of a sob, his lips formed a helpless smile— yet, it carried some kind of feeling with it.
"I like you. Like a lot." He said those words again.
"But it's all in the past now."
He lifted his head. His eyes were very clear and filled with determination, like he had made up his mind.
Lee Juyeon, who had been away for a few minutes, finally found his way back.
"I'm sorry, I was about to buy our water but I got a call and was told for us to go back to the hotel right away," Juyeon continued.
"Oh, that's okay! Let's go back to the hotel then."
They cleaned after themselves and trying to not leave any trash behind. While he grabbed on to the wine bottle.
"Can I get the rest of the wine and bring it to my room?." He said, which was followed by a laughter from Lee Juyeon, who was standing next to him.
"Yes, yes. You can get it all. Enjoy it well, Nu-ya!"
Lee Juyeon chuckled as he put one of his hands on top of Chanhee's head and rubbed his palm on it. Making a mess out of Chanhee's hair.
After that, they walked back to the hotel together while still chatting along the way. Before they went on their separate way to each of their rooms.
That night, Chanhee slept a dreamless night with a smile on his face.