✿ @talesofmaya - Tumblr Blog

The truth is I am still waiting. Waiting for myself to come home, waiting for the day I hear your name and finally feel like your name doesn’t hurt me anymore. Sometimes I miss who I was before I met you. I yearn and yearn for moments that will feel like I have conquered my worst fears. I crave for days when I can walk down the same streets we used to hold hands and not feel like you are there, watching me crumble. I am waiting for myself to be free. I think sometimes we feel empty because we leave pieces of ourselves in everyone we love and so when they leave, they go with parts of ourselves. And thats why it hurts so much. I am waiting for my turn to be happy. And while I wait, I will learn how to love all the things I used to be and let go of the hurt you left behind. Here I am, learning to ask for what I deserve without it sounding like an apology. Here I am, still waiting, still learning that all I have is myself.

It's okay to move on from someone and still question why they treated you so poorly. I need you to know that its okay if you think you are over them but as soon as their name is mentioned, you feel sadness shrouding you. Its okay to still wonder why they made you question your worth, why they traumatised you. Its okay to have a moment where you think you finally moved on from them just to remember that they made you feel like you were hard to love. I think we don't understand that healing doesn't mean that we are finally in a good place with all the hurt they left behind. Healing means that we have finally accepted that they were wrong for us and we deserve better. Being over someone doesn't necessarily mean that you've forgiven or forgotten how they may have hurt you. It means that they don't deserve you and you have finally decided that you are done with being disappointed. I need you to know that healing isn't linear. Some days are better than others. Some days you may feel like you've made a lot of progress, while other days you may feel like you've taken a step back. But that's okay. One day, you will say their name without feeling like you are choking on the very air that you breathe. I promise.

—Talesofmaya via Instagram

It's okay to move on from someone and still question why they treated you so poorly. I need you to know that its okay if you think you are over them but as soon as their name is mentioned, you feel sadness shrouding you. Its okay to still wonder why they made you question your worth, why they traumatised you. Its okay to have a moment where you think you finally moved on from them just to remember that they made you feel like you were hard to love. I think we don't understand that healing doesn't mean that we are finally in a good place with all the hurt they left behind. Healing means that we have finally accepted that they were wrong for us and we deserve better. Being over someone doesn't necessarily mean that you've forgiven or forgotten how they may have hurt you. It means that they don't deserve you and you have finally decided that you are done with being disappointed. I need you to know that healing isn't linear. Some days are better than others. Some days you may feel like you've made a lot of progress, while other days you may feel like you've taken a step back. But that's okay. One day, you will say their name without feeling like you are choking on the very air that you breathe. I promise.

—Talesofmaya via Instagram

The truth about love is that it requires effort. You have to give it your best but at the same time, you also have to receive something that will make it worth all your efforts. Love is not a one way street where you’ll have to outdo yourself to be loved and accepted. You have to take care of yourself as well as taking care of the person you love the most. And I know it’s not easy way but I hope you fall for someone who reciprocates your efforts and makes you feel like you are easy to love. I hope you fall in love with someone who makes loving you feel like a blessing and not a task. I hope you fall in love with someone who remembers your heart like a prayer, like you are the soul of their soul. I know finding someone who won’t weaponize your vulnerabilities is hard, I know it’s soul crushing to be the alone when all you want is someone to lean on when you have your worst days. I hope you find someone who plants flowers in your darkest corners of your heart and remind you that you deserve every good thing this world has to offer. And I hope when you find them, you’ll be brave enough to let them in. I hope you’ll let them love you without hiding parts of yourself that you find too hideous to love. I hope you’ll hold them close and make them feel that it isn’t a waste to be with you. I hope your heart recognizes home— where you were always meant to be.

girljournal

August will be full of good physical health

August will be full of good mental health

August will be full of answered prayers

August will be full of good energy

August will be full of good news

August will be full of good luck

August will be full of blessings

August will be full of peace

August will be full of love

This is for you. This is for the days you'll miss them and wish you could just talk to them, not to tell them how messy you feel, but to hear their voice and feel like it could mend all the brokenness in you. It's okay to miss the people who hurt you, but it doesn't change the fact that, you need to let them go. This is for the days when you feel like you are missing your old self—your naivety, the person you were before this all happened. I know one day you’ll find your way back to yourself but until then, I hope this reminds you that it’s okay to still get sad about something you thought you’ve healed from. There was a whole you before you met them and there will be a whole you after them— a version of you that will remind you of everything you’ve loved and lost but still chose to be soft even after all your losses. This is for you, to remind you that you deserve to celebrate the person you have become, as well as the person you could have become and fought not to be. Growth is never going to be easy. Some days are confusing, some are filled with bittersweet memories that make you feel like you’re losing your mind, other days you’ll feel like you’ve conquered your fears and sometimes you’ll feel happy. So, for the days that feel like they’re eroding your peace, I hope that this will remind you that is too is meaningful, this too is growth and you don’t have to outdo yourself to survive this. Right now, you are everything you need before you to move on to the next.

#growth #talesofmaya

The little girl in me is so tired, confused and disappointed today. I really try my best but sometimes it's not enough.

ربما لن يعرف سكان هذه الأرض عن حبي لك ولكني ذكرت اسمك لرب السماوات والأرض و يكفيني أن أعرف أن سكان السماء يعرفون حبي باسمه.

maybe the dwellers of this earth won't hear about my love for you but i have mentioned your name to the Lord of the skies and the earth and its enough for me to know that all the dwellers of heaven know my love by his name.

Toxic forgiveness is an unhealthy way that people pretend to be unharmed, over it, or forgetful of the offence. Forgiving to keep the peace or people-pleasing is not healthy for your mental health or relationships. Take time to process your pain, slowly rebuilding trust, and decide if you need to show up differently in the relationship. Forgiving and forgetting is not a realistic approach to moving forward.

"Why do people always leave me?"

A conversation I had with a stranger via Talesofmaya

"People always leave, for different reasons. Sometimes people leave because they think they have found someone better than you. Someone who will love them more than you. But there's no comparison in love. You can't measure how much someone means to you. You'll keep on loving them despite how they make you feel. But that's not your fault. You cannot make anyone pick you, you can't love them enough to make them choose you. People will always leave, sometimes because they are bored of you, sometimes because they are afraid of loving you the way you deserve to be loved. Because your love has beaten all the odds, they feel like they are undeserving. Sometimes they leave because to them, you're toxic. When people leave, it's not because your didn't do enough, it's because you deserve better. They left because they wanted to, not because your way of loving had a flaw."

—Talesofmaya via Instagram

"But can someone leave you if they truly loved you?"

—Talesofmaya via Instagram

"When someone truly loves you, they won't leave. No matter how much tired it makes them, at the end of the day all kinds of relationship require effort. You need to work on the people you love. When someone you love walks away, it's soul wrenching. It breaks your soul, shatters your esteem and shakes your confidence. When you love someone, it just not that happy days that are important. It's not only the happy moments that will make your relationship flourish. When you love someone and they love you back, they'll be with you when you are going through your worst days. They'll be there to rub your back when you feel nauseous, they'll hold your hair when you barf. They won't let differences tear you apart. Because they know how rare it is to find someone who will always love them no matter what. You'll have days that feel heavy on both of you but that doesn't mean that they'll give up on you when you're hit by a storm. Because leaving is a choice, this person will always be on your side. So when someone loves you, they never leave."

—Talesofmaya via Instagram

dirty

Someone somewhere is searching for you in every person they meet.

talesofmaya

I refuse to claim this 😂

lover-suggestion

today i overheard a girl say "no, f*ck that. i will be lovely to everyone. maybe some people will remember they have a heart."

Signs they are not good for you:

—Talesofmaya via Instagram

1. They don't try to create more interactions with you. You're always the one texting first, calling first and they just tag along.

2. They are too busy to spend time with you. Remember someone who loves you will make time for you.

—Talesofmaya via Instagram

3. They don't care to catch your attention and when you try to catch theirs, you just get disappointed.

4. They ignore the little things about you that make you the person you are today. Someone who loves all of you will always be fascinated to know more of you.

—Talesofmaya via Instagram

5. They don't like talking to you when they are in public let alone taking you out. They don't like being seen with you or around you.

6. They don't care to know more about your friends or meeting your family. You can't just love someone without wanting to know the people who have become their backbone.

—Talesofmaya via Instagram

7. They try to change you to fit the image of what they have of you in their mind. They try to pick point in your habits.

8. They don't know how to handle you in your worst. They don't like being there when things get messy.

—Talesofmaya via Instagram

9. They never apologize when they are wrong. Chances are you're always gaslighted when arguments arise.

10. You constantly feel the need to be without them even when you know you love them. Loving them often feels exhausting.

—Talesofmaya via Instagram

Read this when your heart feels heavy

I know you are feeling as if you're carrying the world's weight on your shoulders, and you feel like it's outweighing you. It feels as if every passing second is adding to your sadness, I hope you know that it's okay for you to feel sad. I hope you know that it's okay for you to break. You just wake up one morning and it feels like a chore to get out of bed. Everything makes you sad and you just can't control spilling your tears up.

Sometimes it feels as if pain won't leave your bones, your heart won't stop bleeding and whatever anyone says is too vague to believe in. Sometimes the nights become too long, it feels as if the wind is whispering a sad song, nothing makes sense but dear you, know that you're going to be okay. There are a million thoughts in your head and it feels like you can't take it anymore. I want you to know that it's okay for you to feel stranded, it's okay for you to scream your heart out.

I know your heart is heavy and I hope you'll always look at all the things that urge you to live, I hope you remember all the things that make you happy and when you can't find any, I hope you remember that the God who created the galaxies, oceans and mountains, thought that the world needed you. I hope you remember that even with your imperfections, you're priceless and even with all your failures there's always a chance everyday for you to try again.

I am proud of you for not giving up, for choosing to live even when life was kicking your ass. I know it gets really hard but I am proud of you that you're still surviving. I hope you remember that even on your worst days, darling you're lovable. Even when you have nothing to live for, I hope you remember that there's much more than just hopelessness. I know how ugly these days can be and sometimes it feels as if you won't get through this but I hope you give yourself all the time you need because darling, just like a phoenix you'll rise again.

—Talesofmaya via Instagram

“Let him ignore you.”

A conversation I had with my friend via Talesofmaya

Just let him ignore you. You don't need to bring him to see you if he keeps on shutting his eyes. Let him pretend as if you don't exist, let him never answer your texts. Just don't try to remind him that you're waiting.

—Talesofmaya via Instagram

"But what if he never comes back and I can't be without him?"

—Talesofmaya via Instagram

"You can't let him in every time he walks away from you pretending that you don't even exist. You can't forgive him for acting like there's nothing amiss. You shouldn't let him fool you into believing that he couldn't answer your questions. Every time he ignores you, he's teaching you how to be without him. He's teaching you how to be happy without him. You see, now it feels like if he doesn't text back, your spirit will be shaken. You can't just put yourself through this just because you love him. Because if he loved you, he wouldn't want to hurt you. He wouldn't go on days without hearing your voice. So when he ignores you, let him. He's teaching you that you shouldn't chase what's not yours. What's not yours will always flee, no matter how long you chase it"

—Talesofmaya via Instagram

What if he never returns?

—Talesofmaya via Instagram

If he never comes back, remember that he didn't want you at all. That's harsh but it's true. So instead of ripping your mind apart trying to know what he's thinking of when you're out of his sight, do yourself a favour and walk away. What's yours will never leave. You deserve better than someone who loves you during the day and leaves when the night falls. I may not know how to define love but it's definitely what he does to you.

—Talesofmaya via Instagram

Quotes I love

1. "There's wisdom in realizing that constantly 'letting it go' just to avoid conflict is often a trauma response. When we do this, we step over our own boundaries. Remember, your feelings are valid, your voice matters."

2. "Growth is understanding that silence, when used as a blanket to smother disagreements, can often be a trauma response. This form of 'peacekeeping' can lead to the neglect of your own needs and boundaries. Make sure you're heard, you deserve it."

3. "It's important to acknowledge that accommodating others at the expense of your own comfort can be a trauma response. By doing this, you are dismissing your boundaries. Stand up for yourself, make room for your feelings."

4. "Unmasking the truth that minimizing your feelings to maintain harmony is actually a trauma response is a crucial step in healing. It neglects your self-respect. Be brave, assert your boundaries, your voice counts."

5. "Insight lies in recognizing that swallowing your words to avoid upsetting others is a trauma response. This self-silencing can lead to disregarding your own boundaries. Speak out, let your presence be known, because your voice is important."

6. "We should remember that always being the 'bigger person' can be a trauma response. When we constantly sacrifice our truth for peace, we risk our own boundaries. Hold your space, let your voice echo, you are worth standing up for."

7. "The key to self-awareness is understanding that constant self-sacrifice to keep everyone else comfortable can be a trauma response. In doing so, we risk losing ourselves. Stand your ground, amplify your voice, because your feelings matter."

8. "Let's acknowledge that keeping quiet just to prevent discomfort can be a trauma response. This silencing leads to a violation of our own boundaries. Speak your truth, take up your space, because your voice carries weight."

9. "A turning point is when you realize that suppressing your own voice to avoid conflict is a trauma response. This self-censoring infringes your boundaries. Be bold, use your voice, because you are important."

10. "It's essential to comprehend that muffling our thoughts to preserve others' comfort can be a trauma response. In doing this, we overlook our personal boundaries. Raise your voice, claim your space, because your perspective is valuable."

Trauma✨ responses✨

Incessantly people-pleasing is a trauma response. You're not obliged to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. It can be exhausting and prevent you from living your own life authentically.

Chronic perfectionism is often a trauma response. It's a shield against criticism and rejection. Remember, it's okay to be human and make mistakes. Your worth isn't tied to flawless performance.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but over-apologizing is a trauma response. You don't need to say sorry for existing, for having feelings, for asking for basic respect. Your voice deserves to be heard."

Compulsively taking care of others can be a coping mechanism. You may be seeking the love and care you didn't receive in the past. It's important to learn that it's not your job to heal everyone.

Isolating yourself can be a survival adaptability. You might feel safer alone, but remember that healthy, supportive relationships are key for healing. Don't be afraid to reach out."

Someone told me that hyper-vigilance is often a trauma response because you might feel the need to always be on guard due to past hurt. Remember, it's okay to let your guard down in safe spaces.

If you're emotionally numb then you must know that it's a survival mechanism. It's a way to cope with overwhelming pain, but remember, it's important to allow yourself to feel in order to heal.

I don't know who needs to hear this, but compulsive control can be a trauma response. You may be seeking predictability in an unpredictable world. Remember, it's okay to let go and embrace uncertainty.

Self-sabotage is often a trauma response. You might be unconsciously afraid of success due to past failures or traumas. Remember, you deserve happiness and success

Dissociation can be a trauma response. You may detach from your physical and emotional experience to protect yourself. Recognize it, and work through it, because you deserve to fully experience your life.

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