Tales of TAY

A place to store all of the grandeur, spectacle and lack of pants that is TAY. Run by Steve-O the Deve-O and Harli.

[talesoftay]

Super Awesome Chocolate Coated Chewy Centered MONOMEATS Write-up by Bish

The night of Thursday, 26th April – Inspired to spite Pez in that day’s bowtie vs tie discussion, I grab my ties and spend 2 hours of my life tying multiple ties in various knots in an attempt to make one of them look neat and tidy. My teamSpeak name for the night was “Bish hates ties”. People would ask me “Why do you hate ties, Bish?” and I would reply with “Well, let me tell you!” and rant about how I can never get a good looking knot. That was a night well spent.

MEAT DAY, 7:40 AM – I get a message from Rize saying he’s still sitting in Canberra freezing his butt off because his bus is late. He apologises in advance for both being late and possibly waking me up, but I’m all “I’m not Blaghman, friend, I wake before noon!” It’s funny because Blaghman.

9:45AM – And I’m off! Half dressed in my collared shirt and jeans, I put my waistcoat, monocle, bowtie, tie and red hoodie (for good measure) on a coathanger and put it on a hook in my car that I did not actually know existed. I stop for petrol on the way and the station guy is all “Look at this jerk” but I wish him well regardless.

10:45 AMish – I manage to find a small, dark, mouldy corner in the carpark and think this is the best place to park ever, so I do. I then grab the rest of my clothes and start dressing up in said dark, mouldy corner. Awkward moment when the owners of the car parked next to me come back to their car and see me putting on my fancy gear. They’re all “Look at this jerk”.

10:55 – I make it up to the Monorail station and stand around and lean awkwardly on railings. There’s a gym right next to the Monorail station, so as I stand there, people trickling in and out of the gym in their singlets and shorts stare at me going “Look at this jerk”.

11:20ish – I eventually spot Ruffles and Nova and for a few minutes we mock the Monorail travel recommendations. #35 shows up, gearing up with a waistcoat, tie and pocketwatch with chain and clip. Flu’s on-time (for once, but still later than me), in a most excellent red and black ensemble. Mashaaaaaaaa and Powalen show up, and I point to Powalen and I’m all “MAWT!” even though he is not Mawt and Flu asks “Why’d you say Mawt for?” and I’m all “I don’t know!”, true story. Pantsman shows up and Flu asks ye olde question “Who’s this guy?” (paraphrased), and Pants then introduces himself, saying that he probably should have done that first. Hah hah hah, who does that, that’s silly. (As a side note, apparently I introduced myself properly this time 3/3 times. Winning.) And then I left to pick up Rize. I kicked my tophat over to Nova who disprespectfully kicked it back. You do not kick a man’s hat, sir.

12:09 PM – Rize calls me saying that’s he’s somewhere not on a bus in Sydney presumably and that he’s lost and confused and he starts weeping softly. I reassure him that I’ll be there shortly and start singing ‘Dancing Queen’ to him to soothe his fears. A minute later, I look at a hobo curled up on the cold, cold ground, sucking his thumb and say Hi. Rize springs up and we head off into Central because screw walking 1.5KMs to Town Hall. He pops a Blue V on the train, and I rant about how they advertised Blue V, considering no one is going to actually see they drink before they down it. He later describes the flavour as “Fruit punch gone wrong… but not necessarily in a bad way”. Throughout the trip, Pez and Flu berate me for being late. VERY FUNNY, FUNNY MEN

12:30 probably – Back at the station and again, berated for being late, and forced to rush myself into buying a Monorail ticket. Maybe I wanted to savour the experience, guys. But you ruined my ticket buying experience. Inside the monorail station (yes, that is a time stamp) – Me: HI SHIGGY! Shiggy: HI Me: How are you? Shiggy: Very well. How are you? Me: Good, thanks. Because we are gentlemen. And then he criticised me for not wearing a bowtie. So then I put my bowtie on. And then someone criticised me for having both my tie and bowtie on. So I took my bowtie off. And then later on someone criticised me for not wearing my bowtie and I had an aneurysm.

On the monorail – Powalen: Wow, this is exactly like being on the train I took to get to the city. – 2 minutes pass - Me: Yeah, I’m just going to say, this is kind of boring. Apparently the other carriage had equally as much fun. We exchanged quips with an older couple in the same carriage as us, who seemed equally unimpressed. And then when we got back to GV, we got off and decided to wait for Freyr. As Ruffleberg said, getting off the Monorail was the best part.

No longer on the monorail – We thought about getting lunch, but decided to wait for the others, so we returned to awkwardly hanging around outside the Monorail station. And then I wandered off to find a cupcake. Which I did! And returned to the station to find no one there, until #35 appeared and told me they had gone to hang outside Kinokuniya because Ruffleberg told Freyr the station was sort of opposite Kinokuniya. So we hung around there for a bit and sat on the ground like hobos, tophat in front of us, hoping someone would throw spare change in. No one did. I wrote up my Revengeance Cupcake in the meantime.

“Did… you tell Freyr to meet us in front of Kinokuniya?” I asked Ruffleberg. “…You know, now that I think about it…” he started, and I headed down to the station to make sure she wasn’t alone at the station wondering where everyone was. So turns out she was alone at the station, possibly wondering where everyone was. I said Hi from over the barrier and gave her her cupcake, but then the monorail came around and I took the cupcake from her because there’s no food allowed on the monorail. So the pro-Monorail group decided to keep going for a third time, as I headed back up to Kinokuniya to tell everyone else that we weren’t eating anytime soon. Except me. I ate the cupcake.

1:15 PM – We head down towards the Monorail station to meet up with the monorailers and meet them on the way there. We hang around in the middle of the corridor blocking all the paths until we decide to head up to Ichi-Ban for lunch. But apparently that was going to take half an hour to seat us, so we headed back down towards Wagamama. Someone made a Rocketman comment about me ordering and knowing the proper ceremonial ways of serving tea, which Morkai wanted to take a picture of as I spilled said tea on my right leg. I yelled from across the table that Shiggy looked like a Mormon with his white shirt and black tie to which he said “OKAY?” to. Pez said something but no one cares. Nom photo!. Also this. Effluvius didn’t know what to order, and as he started panicking, I asked the kind waitress for recommendations, to which she offered none at all, so he ended up getting the Seafood Ramen. You can find my Wagamama food review . And as we(I) tallied up the money for the bill, some jerks (Rize and ‘Flu) decided to ruin my money arrangement scheme much to my dismay.

After lunch – We split off into two groups, the people who weren’t staying overnight and those who were (+ me because Rize’s stuff was in my car). Apparently Pez can’t tell the difference between $14 and $12. I query Pez about his tophat, cane and bowtie, and remarks that they are disgustingly cheap. I refuse to believe and request that he bring it out when we grab our stuff from our respective cars, and he politely complies. WOOOOOOOOOW that cane was a piece of crap. We walked to the Monorail station to shorten our trip very slightly, but split up into two groups because the Monorail was full (somehow). As I hung out with Rize and Hugo for the next monorail, I leaned on the cane and it just snapped.

On the Monorail (again) – Pez rings me up. Pez: Where are you guys? Me: On the monorail! Pez: You know to stop at the stop outside Paddy’s Markets? Me: Yes, we were intending to stop there, thanks. Pez: Are you still intending to stop there? Me: Well, no, since you’re badgering us about it so much! Pez: [Sometimes I just tune out when Pez says things because, you know, what are the chances he is saying anything important. So I’m sure he says something here] Me: Stop nagging me, MOTHER! Etc etc

Off the monorail, on the way to the ‘hotel’ – and then we walked. And saw this. Wat. Many men unclothed in that room. Except for myself and Pez, who were stupid enough to keep our outfits that didn’t breathe very well on. And then we headed back to Galaxy world, through automotive means, rather than the overrated art of ‘walking’. Turns out the others were busy declaring their territory with their newly formed hat gang.

Galaxy World – I walked in when I noticed the non-dropping-off-crap-at-the-room people sitting at a Reserved table. “Is that… for you guys?” I say, indicating at the little reserved sign. “Nope.” “…Okay then.” I said Hi to Ben White who had apparently appeared along the way, and we tipped our hats to each other, like gentlemen. Apparently Strange was sad that there was no photos of dapperness thus far, so I think Freyr and ‘Flu suggested I post dapperly, which gives us where I question what that is even supposed to mean. Harli then pipes up with “I want a cupcake!” to which Freyr agrees and is all mad that I ate her cupcake and I was all “/o\” because she is terrifying so I ran off to find some cupcakes. I pass Pez, Rize, and Ben at EasyWay, berating Pez about the EasyWay/ChaTime argument we had at a previous Meat, and, get this, he actually admitted he was wrong. Crazy! So anyway, I’m roaming around Market City food court, and this one guys gives me the stink-eye as I look through his muffin display to see if there were any cupcakes. I ask him if he has any cupcakes, and he very angrily tells me he doesn’t. I honestly don’t know what I did to offend him. I continue my cupcake quest, heading all the way to the bottom floor, and just when I think no one sells any cupcakes, the juice place becomes my saviour. I order three cupcakes for good measure, and head back up to Galaxy World. I bump into Freyr fairly quickly and try to appease her rage with a cupcake offering, but she is only enraged further to discover that I have mishandled said cupcakes and that now the icing of her cupcake was stuck to the paper bag. Fortunately, with surgical precision, she is able to peel it off and re-attach it to the main cake body. Now calmed, she heads off as I try to flee in the opposite direction just to make sure. Unfortunately, I bump into Harli who now laments her lack of cupcake. I offer her one, and I’m subjected to a hug because I was too slow to dodge it. I never was very good at QTEs. And then I ate the third cupcake.

GW SHENANIGANS - I think it was Powalen vs Nova at air hockey, I wander over and the puck come flying at me. I think we need to calm down when playing that, guys. - Everyone suddenly gets excited for bumper cars so I tolf Pez and Flu who were pew-pewing. Pez shoves the gun at me and runs off. I play in his stead, but I am somwhat more interested in my cupcake. - Shiggy, Powalen and Masha manage to miss the entire point of Arcade racers by playing Initial D, which is in Japanese so they are unable to find out how to link play. - Spiting Pez by getting some ChaTime tea. - Shiggy has some piss-poor effort at asserting his Hammer King dominance. - Time Crisis 4′s red gun is terrible. - “Pretty good… for a white guy.” – Some jerk talking about Ben White’s B-ranked dancing. (That person was me) - Some asian kid in a red hoodie passed by. I was told to run up to him and tell him he is looking at his future. - Shiggy and Freyr crammed themselves into the little kids rides that move back and forth slightly. Why someone has not posted a picture of this yet is beyond me. - More bumper cars. Harli rammed these two little kids caught up in the group first, and then Shiggy smashed into them a few times as well.

Ruffleberg left to pickup Batgirl from somewhere and we all headed out to decide on a place for dinner. Apparently I abused Pez (doesn’t sound like me) so much so that he had to stand on a bench to preach to us and a few of his followers kneeled at his (stunted) presence, somewhat alarming the lady sitting on the same bench. We headed down to the ground floor and watched as the anal security guard yelled at a kid tying up his shoelace on the escalators, and then proceeded to loiter because that is what we do. Turns out Pantsman had had enough of us and started to head off, which was very coincidental because Effluvius bolted off because he had seen Ruffleberg and Batgirl wander past us. So like, I’m just going to put this out there: I have never seen Batgirl and AlexPants in the same room together.

I start limping off, and I guess everyone else took that as a cue to start heading to dinner and because we are the best at planning things, we end up split between Yardhouse and the pie place outside. We seat ourselves and I wander off without a word to find some tape to fix Pez’s cane. Of course, when I get back I get sassed that I only got packing tape rather than duct tape, but after a short discussion, we figure out that packing tape is the new measure of wealth. Some of our food starts coming in and someone thought it’d be a great idea to take a photo at that time. Some people posed. I did not. (Names to faces, for anyone who was asking) Then some a-hole stole Harli’s bag. Ass. And at this point we said bye to Harli and Mr Harli.

So on a subdued note, we headed off to the drinking part of Yardhouse where Pez shouted us a round. I think he wanted something from us. After almost hitting a man in the face with Pez’s cane, those of us who were standing right in front of the ordering drinks area place thingy decided to move to another corner of the room. Eventually the rest of the group would join us in our corner. Things that happened: – Effluvius was kind enough to get me a drink, to which I requested “A glass of water with exactly two ice cubes in it”. – Nova threw my hat at me and knocked over my glass of water with exactly two ice cubes in it /o\ – A number of us had turns at trying to ‘wear’ my monocle. ITS NOT EASY – What is that on the back of Rize’s head – http://twitpic.com/9eowvy – Doc What’s dapper picture – http://twitpic.com/9eox46 – Flu’s enraged dapper picture – http://twitpic.com/9eoxs2 – Bish’s flattering dapper picture – http://twitpic.com/9ep4eu – Pez’s “I’m trying to poop” pose – https://twitter.com/#!/frejyr/status/196186121699463168/photo/1 – Flu’s action pose – https://twitter.com/#!/frejyr/status/196186267472510976/photo/1 – Pez has grey hairs – https://twitter.com/#!/frejyr/status/196188842766774272/photo/1 – Unwarranted hat – https://twitter.com/#!/frejyr/status/196190429467787266/photo/1 – We pick Pez’s brain – http://instagr.am/p/J9gsUoL8jy/ – I think there was a spider over there – https://twitter.com/#!/frejyr/status/196185751636017152/photo/1 – Mashaaaaaa left so we farewelled him by shouting “MASHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

We then migrated to Charlie Chan’s. Things happened. We do not speak of Charlie Chan’s anymore. Ben left us, but then we all headed the same way. Aaaaaaaaaaawkward.

So as we headed down George Street, some of the group thought it’d be a super idea to visit a sex shop. I visited the pie shop next to said sex shop. So I was limping with my cane up to Pie Face’s counter, when this guy who was in the middle of getting a seat for himself sees me and stops and offers me the seat or to get out of my way or something. I insist that he’s right to take the chair and very awkwardly thank him for his consideration and get my pie. I buy my pie and it turns out everyone’s had their fill of sex shop, so Freyr steals my cane and we start heading off to Liquorland, apparently. Outside Liquorland, people start hugging me for no reason, and because of my bum leg, I’m unable to run away. So I stand there, sobbing on the inside. Batguy proves he has a most excellent face for wearing monocles. Stocked up on booze, ice cream and Shapes, we head back to the room, very wisely taking Taxis this time. Freyr is displeased at my presence and tries to kick me out of the moving taxi at one point. Late night room shenanigans: – Pez mocks the guy from M83 who is guest hosting on RAGE – Everybody starts boozing up (ALCOHOLICS, ALL OF THEM) whilst I make a cup of tea. – Everytime I turn the kettle on, it triggers the surge protector on the power board. Safe. – Batguy uses the bed frames to open his bottle of Rekorderlig. He scratches the frames, but similar marks on other bed frames seem to indicate this is a common practice. – One More Time by Daft Punk comes on RAGE. Best. – I am probably a bit too excited when Karma Chameleon by Culture Club comes on RAGE – I go downstairs to let ‘Flu and #35 in and manage to fail at opening the room door, so I tumble through when Shiggy opens it from the other side. – Pez is enraged that we refuse him to tell him how old ‘Flu is, even though he has mentioned it before over several different Meats. – I kind of think this is a bit creepy – http://s29.photobucket.com/albums/c268/cronotriggr/Monomeat%20-%2028th%20April%202012/?action=view&current=5ab77b0d.jpg – #35 heads off and we bid farewell – Shiggy, Ruffleberg, Rize, Batgirl and I head out for some 1AM Oportos – Batgirl stands in Oporto amusing herself by swishing her dress. – There are cops outside the hotel. Discussion with Shiggy about if you they were all getting murdered in the middle of the night, the cops might be able to stop the murderer before they killed them all. …It seemed funnier at the time. – I eat my Oporto’s on the floor – Pez, now with a bajillion coasters from Charlie Chan’s asks what he should do with them. I suggest he makes sausage rolls out of them and he tells me that is the worst idea ever. Shiggy asks what I said and I reply with “Does it matter? All that matters is that I made him angry.” Shiggy replies with “He is a dickhead”. – In preparation to leave, I start cleaning the place because, you know, I’m me. – Freyr heads off and we wish her good night. – I start walking out through the door without a word and people get all up in arms over it. I foolishly demand they they come to me if they wanted to say goodbye, and unfortunately Shiggy comes up to hug me. I bro-fist ‘Flu and shake Pez’s fist and head off. – I head down the stairs, pause, then head back up the stairs and knock at the door to retrieve my top hat, then wish them a good night again and head off. – I head down the corridor, pause, then head back and knock at the door to retrieve my monocle, then head off again. – I head down the corridor, pause, then head back and knock at the door. I hear Pez yell “OH MY GOD, AGAIN!?” as the door opens up. “Good night, guys!” I say and then I head off.

And then I walked another 500 miles to get back to my car to go home. When I wake up, I know I’m gonna be I’m gonna be the man who wakes up next to you. When I go out, I know I’m gonna be I’m gonna be the man who goes along with you.

Meat awards because apparently this is a thing

Worst person there: Pez for calling everybody the worst person there at the night at least once. Most dapper: Freyr. It is a rare thing for Pez and I to agree on something, but you cannot outdo a corset. Runner up: ‘Flu, despite claims of his undergarments also colour-matched not being verified. Best New Person: Powalen. Solely because I got a Streetpass off him. Masha, Pants you guys are rad, but… Streetpass. Best Worst Picture Ever: WOOOO TERRIBLE 3DS YELLOW FILTER http://i46.tinypic.com/2hhdrt1.jpg

[talesoftay]

TAYbie: Origins – The Cakesmith by Chuloopa

Jecht Von Grisleberg stood at the mouth of the cave, peering in, but seeing nothing but black. The midday sun was high in the sky, shining with all its summer strength, yet no light seemed to penetrate even the mouth of the cave. The dark prevailed. It worried the theif. He looked upwards, shielding his eyes from the sunlight. The jagged silhouette of the trecherous Mount Ferguson Plaire stood tall and unyielding. At least 800 feet of sheer rock and granite, he figured. Even with his own carefully honed climbing skills he could see the darkness was the only way in.

The sharp clang of steel caused Von Grisleberg to spin on his heel, hand on the hilt of his sword. He relaxed his hand, but not his sombre mood when he saw his apprentice, Bobby McClean, fumbling to pick up the dagger he just dropped on the ground. The apprentice was a clumsy oaf of a boy with blonde hair and blue eyes and a penchant for Ye Olde Spice. Most repulsive of all, his name seemed just ridiculous to Von Grisleberg. It sounded like a name a lazy storyteller would come up with just for filler so he could kill him off later without having to worry too much about it, regardless of whether or not it fit with the stories tone. “What are you doing boy” Jecht whispered in a harsh tone. “Do you wish us killed before we even find what we’re looking for?” “N..No..S..Sir…” “Then put that fething knife away and light a torch” As Jecht made the order, he drew his own torch, soaking it briefly in a canteen at his hip, before lighting it with tinder. The boy did the same. With a prayer to the god of fortune, the pair entered the cave.

——

The lord awoke. Someone had entered his house. He could feel it in the air. He could smell them. More had come for his possessions. But by the gods, they would not have it.

The torte of power was the Cakesmith’s alone!

——

It had been over an hour and the invading pair seemed completely lost. The darkness of these passageways seemed to eat the light from their very flames. They could see only three or four meters around them at best. Progress was slow and Von Grisleberg could hear the boy already starting to moan and complain to himself. A sound that was easily silenced with the back of his leather-clad hand. ‘The prize better be worth this bloody torment’ the old thief thought to himself. Truth be told, he had no idea if he would even know the way out once he had it. Still, he pressed on, with the boy in tow.

“Are we there yet” asked Bobby. “Does it fething look like we’re there to you?” Jecht spat his words like venom. “No” “Then shut the feth up before i run you through myself and leave your corpse for the….” A noise… But from where. From what? The unmistakable dragging of a foot. “For the what?” inquired Bobby. “Shhh! Be still, boy! Do you smell that?” “Mmmm.. yeah i do” Bobby licked his lips. “Smells like…” “GINGERBREAD!!!” Jecht hurled the boy to the floor before the gingerbread claw took his simple head off. He came up in a roll, drawing his sword, still holding his torch in his left hand. The creature stumbled towards him now, moaning horrifically as it did.

——-

His creations had met the intruders, but he knew it was only a momentary distraction. But time was all the Cakesmith needed. He was ready to spring his trap, and the fools would walk straight into it.

——-

The pair ran in a direction that they could only hope was forward, away from the horrible moaning of the gingerbread men. Bobby’s heart was beating so furiously he thought it would erupt from his chest at any moment. He had never been so terrified in his entire life. Von Grisleberg seemed as composed as ever, though – leading the way, double time, down the dark hallways. A light… ahead he could see a light! “There boy! There lies our treasure! Let’s get it and get the feth out of here!”

The light quickly came into focus – a doorway! The room beyond well lit and warm! Without thinking the pair ran straight in. Their second mistake was realised when an ornate stone came crashing down where the door was was, trapping them in the room. Their first mistake was entering the caves in the first place.

Jecht pounded his meaty fists against the walls, but to no avail. “Feth it!” he exclaimed. “Now what?!” As he asked the question he turned just in time to see something airborne and flying towards his apprentice. He opened his mouth to give warning, but it was too late. Von Grisleberg was showered with the remenants of Bobby McClean’s skull and brainmatter. A Banana cream pie had destroyed his head and showered anything in the near vicinity with blood and perfectly whipped cream.

A laugh cut the silence.

“You think you are the first to come for my torte?” “Show yourself!” Von Grisleberg yelled, spinning several times on his heels as he drew his weapon, looking for his assailant. “As you wish… human” From the behind a great golden eclair in the middle of the room, the last of the forge-fathers of cake stepped out. His armor was a brilliantly crafted mesh of pastry and icing. His mighty spatula and rolling pin dripped with a venomous raspberry coulis. “Cakesmith” Von Grisleberg sneered. “The one and the same, lad.” The Cakesmith slowly began walking towards the theif “and you are here for my torte” “No.. i am here for you” Von Grisleberg said simply, putting his sword away. “The kingdom of kotaku needs you, and i have been sent to find you and bring you back with me.” Taken aback the Cakesmith stopped in his tracks. “What could the kingdom of Kotaku need from me?” “You are the finest smith of cakes and pastrys in the land. A great plague has seen to the death of all our butchers, bakers and candlestick makers.” “Such a shame” replied the Cakesmith “Yes, aside from the candlestick makers. Those guys have been nothing but dicks since we installed electricity”. “Quite… but why should i come with you? For centuries i have sat here at my mighty forge, smithing the best cakes a Cakesmith could smith! I am the last of my kind, my home is here”

“Lord Cakesmith… Serrels himself has asked for you..” Jecht said, simply. “Serrels… by the great cheesecake…” “He… he said to give you this and you would understand”. Jecht walked towards the Cakesmith and handed him a checked shirt, torn in half. “It… it can’t be… I… i shall ride with you, and bring the glory of my cakes back to Kotaku! The gods and Serrels hairless girl-chest demands it!” “Really?” “I have a debt to Serrels from the souffle wars. I am am a man of my honor, as much as i am a man of cake”. The Cakesmith sheathed his weapons in his gilded apron. “Come! We shall take the cake-copter!” He beckoned Von Gisleberg to come with him and the pair embarked on their long journey back to see Serrels.

“Oh… by the way.. sorry about that whole deal with exploding yoru friends head” The Caksmith said sheepishly, as they borded the deliciousness of the cake-copter. “What? Oh… him… yeah, don’t about it.. the little bastard had it coming.”

With that, the pair ascended into the skies, their raucous laughter carried by the summer wind, which had come blowing in, from across the sea.

[talesoftay]

Pez’s meat in point form AKA German-efficiency recap by Anonymous Pessimist

Pez’s meat in point form AKA German-efficiency recap: - Doc, Hugo and I somehow found the right carpark that Bish told us to park in. - Caramelized Macadamias are incredibly amazingly omg delicious - Hugo and I made a pact to buy things at JB Hifi at a later date, because we both are good at making bad financial decisions. - Doc, Hugo and I waited out the front of Kinokuniyo (or whatever you call it) for 5 minutes before realizing everyone was waiting at the monorail station. - Bish ruins meats and we had to wait forever for him. - Shiggy as above. - Fluboy owns many sweatervests. - Harli and Frejyr out-dappered us all… le sigh.

All in all a rather successful meat – I think this is the biggest turnout we’ve ever had to any of them thus far!

[talesoftay]

Pensive Powalen’s Painfully Pleasing Puff Piece by Powalen

(aka. That time I went to Sydney to meet internet strangers and didn’t get any of my organs stolen) (aka. My non-proofread, hopefully non-boring Meat Write-up!)

————————-

6:00am – I awoke to the sound of an alarm from another room (thanks, jerk) and could not get back to sleep. As silly as it sounds, I was too excited and nervous to stay in bed. :P

9:10am – Made it to the train station with time to spare, avoided a dodgy looking guy pacing around the bike rack and bought a ticket. Some old woman on the platform was giving me the stink eye because I sat on the bench she apparently owned (there was plenty of room for her to sit next to me. I’m not that wide…)

9:51-11:19 – Masha and I spent basically the entire time playing cards. I invented a card game called Fisticuffs the night before so I was teaching it to him. It kind of worked, but kind of didn’t… I kept forgetting my own rules :P. We played a few other games while talking as well: Crazy Eights, a horrible attempt at Bullshit, and we tried to come up with a playing card RPG which failed miserably…

11:20 – Train arrived at Town Hall and I had no idea where I was. Somehow we managed to make our way through all the fancy shops to the outside street… and then I still had no idea where I was. We saw the Monorail track above us, so we figured we would just follow it until we got there which… kind of worked. We made it to the wrong station, anyway. Masha and I considered riding the Monorail around until we got to the meeting point; making a triumphant exit to meet the other TAYbies. We decided against it and just looked at a map. :P

11:30 – We finally made our way to the correct station (after Masha being held up by a guy asking for money) and met a circle of people! -insert list here- I don’t want to forget anyone… All that’s important was they were a dapper bunch! We were bringing down the dapper levels with our regular, non-dapper clothes!

11:31-12:30ish – Over the next hour the group doubled in size as more people arrived. We pondered whether the reason there was no seats at the station was because nobody ever rode the Monorail or because the Massage Parlour next door was forcing people to have to go inside to rest. Also reasoned that the nearby Japanese travel agent either specialised in Japan destinations or was for Japanese people…

12:31ish – We finally bought our monorail tickets! I expected it to be absolutely deserted, but surprisingly we had to wait for a few mono’s to go past before there was enough room to even get on! Even then we had to split up. Our carriage, also known as the “Actually, this is pretty boring” carriage, were over it before we even made a full loop. It’s just a slow train! I still feel that if they made it faster and added safety harnesses they could market it as the Sydney Rollercoaster. Maybe add a loop or something. Bish and I used the time to clear out our Streetpasses. I also came to realise how little I have accomplished in that game when everybody else seemed to have every puzzle piece ever. :P After the first loop, we got off the Monorail and waved/stuck-fingers-up at the other group as they left.

1:something – Walked around the bookshop while waiting for some people to join us. Can’t really remember what happened here but it involved a lot of talking and waiting. We also pondered whether the “Free Comic Book Day” was a day for free comic books, or that Comic Book Day was free to attend… Come to think of it, we seemed to have a lot of these type of conversations. xD

1:30ish – Finally lunchtime! I was starving. After a few false starts we finally decided on a restaurant simply because they had tables big enough to fit all 16 of us. I’d never been there before so I had no idea what I was looking at on the menu. I had to read the descriptions thoroughly… Ended up choosing Yaki Soba or something which was quite nice! I almost died at the end of the meal though because I inhaled a mouthful of ginger (I didn’t stir it through! D:). Had a coughing fit, etc.

Some time – Also finally, Galaxy World! We rode the monorail again to Paddy’s Markets while the other group mysteriously left to do something or other. Half of our group made a beeline to Galaxy World while the others looked at dapper hats. Eventually everyone met up again and the fun began! I battled Flu in my first game of some weird Animal fighting game. I lost the first round horribly, made a comeback in the second, only to lose the third. Damn you, sky-egg-bowl thing! You killed my Lion! Alexpants and I struggled with basic maths while dividing up our money, but we got there in the end. I versed Nova in a game of Basketball, which I did poorly at. I versed Masha in a car racing game, which I did well at (first place, oh yeah). I tried to verse #35 at air hockey but kept getting foiled by pesky kids stealing the machine. The real mayhem was in the Bumper cars. So intense! I was using my body weight (which admittedly is not much) to increase the power of my bumps! Highlights included me and someone else (didn’t get a good look) cornering Flu and ramming him into a wall, a three-way collision between me and two others (it’s hard to recognise most people in such intense situations!), hanging around the outskirts waiting to strike unsuspecting victims, etc. Finally I managed to grab the Air Hockey table. Had great games against Nova and #35. Air Hockey is the shizz.

6:00ish – After everybody had had enough, we left for dinner. Indecisive as the group is, it took a while to decide on a restaurant. A few members of the group broke off to get a very non-dapper pie while the bulk of us got seated at some fancy place. Not much to say here, I had one drink and left to catch my train. I felt kind of guilty leaving so early though! My train station isn’t exactly the safest place late at night though so I figured I better leave. I’ll have to get accommodation next time so I can stay longer!

9:00ish – Finally got home. The train gave me a massive headache for some reason. Luckily there was no weirdos at the train station like there usually is and I got home safely. :P

————————-

It was awesome meeting all of you guys, I really hope I can do it again! I was nervous because it was my first meat (also my first time meeting anybody from the internet :o), but you were a welcoming bunch: so thank you! I had a great time!

[talesoftay]

MONOMEAT Write-Up by masha2932

1. It was a bit chilly on Saturday morning and I was worried it might rain but thankfully it didn’t. It was actually a really nice day all things considered. Not too hot and not too cold. I was to meet up with Powalen on the Wollongong train and I did. He was wearing a red shirt with a dinosaur like he said so it was fairly easy to find him. Also I had planned to make the train guard announce my arrival on the train over the PA system but it didn’t work out; something about PA systems being for official use only. :-(

2. Powalen is a nice dude and we played card games the whole way through. Beats silently staring at each other for one and a half hours. He actually invented a card game called ‘fisticuffs’ which started off well but we both agreed needed work.

LOOK OUT TAY ‘FISTICUFFS’ WILL BE COMING SOON TO STORES NEAR YOU (probably not )

3. The card games helped time fly and we were in Sydney in no time. Before we arrived however, Powalen hit me with this bombshell. You might want to be seated when you read this if you are unaware. You’re seated? OK.

PEOPLE ‘TALK AMONGST THEMSELVES’ ON OTHER PLACES OTHER THAN TAY. ON TWITTER FOR EXAMPLE. THERE ARE CONVERSATIONS GOING ON ELSEWHERE THAT ARE NOT SANCTIONED BY MARK/ELLY. I don’t know what to believe anymore.

4. Reeling internally from that revelation Powalen and I arrived in Town hall and got our bearings around Sydney before finding the monorail stations. At first we went to the wrong station but luckily the meeting point was at the next station – a 2 min walk from where we were. We finally met up with the group of early TAYbies (what is the collective noun for TAY? A flock? A herd? ) and introduced ourselves. The early birds, from what I remember, were Bish, #35, Effluvium boy(flu), Ruffleberg and Nova. Everybody was polite and enthusiastically said MASHAAA when greeting me which was kind of cool.

5. At this point the whole group continued with their conversation and as I stood there I thought to myself “TAY people actually look OK and they are certainly well dressed.” Alex (Alexpants) was the next one to arrive. He had some train trouble with some track work and silly kids on their bikes. We then stood there and waited for Pez, Hugo and Doc What as bish and flu argued about who was more dapper. The dapper theme or rather the argument about dapper-ness seemed to permeate most of the conversation as we waited. In fact arguments about dapper-ness always seemed to come up from what I could hear throughout the day. Sorry guys I have no dapper clothing. Maybe I’ll buy some. Also doing a Google image search for ‘dapper black guy’ brings up pictures of Zac Efron for some reason.

6. Bish left the group to pick up harli. MorkaiAu arrived soon after. Bish had left behind his hat which was soon manhandled by Doc What once he arrived with Pez and Hugo. Actually in my head PEZ looked like a mini mob boss because he was flanked by Hugo and Doc What who are taller than him. Turns out he isn’t. Bish’s hat continued to be manhandled as we stood there. Nova made a joke about how TAY meat ups are usually just people looking through their phones and like clockwork most of us took out our phones. Pez and Doc What hassled bish and Shiggy respectively over twitter. Shiggy arrived soon after and Pez didn’t like his tie.

PSST TAY, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS BUT I THINK SHIGGY IS A ZELDA FAN. HOW DO I KNOW? MAYBE IT WAS THE ZELDA BAG AND BELT BUCKLE!! SERIOUSLY THE BELT BUCKLE WAS PRETTY COOL.

7. The ticket lady at this point was staring at us for being there too long. I admit we did look shifty. She must have telepathically done something to us because we bought tickets soon after. Bish arrived with Harli who also greeted me with a MASHAAAAA. Harli had dapper-ed up with some suspenders and Flu tried to argue that he had suspenders as well but it doesn’t count if you hide your suspenders with a Vest, flu. Sorry. He did reveal his suspenders later in the day so we’ll forgive him this time.

THIS IS WHEN I BEGAN TO FEEL BAD ABOUT MY QUIET NATURE. THE THING IS WHEN SOMEONE SHOUTS YOUR NAME I THINK IT’S CUSTOMARY TO SHOUT THERE’S BACK. I DIDN’T. SORRY ALL.

8. Harli bought her ticket as well and we all walked to the platform. This was it. The reason we had all come here, to ride the Monorail. 9. The Monorail seemed busy for some reason. I thought it was shutting down? So we split into two groups since we would never have got on otherwise. I was in the carriage with Bish, #35, Rize, Powalen and Ruffleberg. Once we were inside we were all like Woooo \o/ \o/ but then two minutes in our carriage realised it’s just another train so we were all meh. 5-10 min later we were off the train. Ruffleberg later told us that it might be 3 years before they even tear it down. What?

THAT’S TAY FOR YOU. EITHER WE’RE TOO EARLY OR TOO LATE. SO WHAT NEXT FOR A MEAT? I HEAR THE PS4/NEXT XBOX IS COMING OUT IN TWO YEARS LET’S HAVE A MEAT NEXT MONTH. :-)

10.Even though the Monorail ride might have been ‘meh’ while we were there Powalen and Bish exchanged street pass puzzle pieces. #35 showed me his cool pocket watch that has no battery. I guess he uses magic to guess the time and then physically change the setting on the watch. I don’t want to scare anyone but #35 might be a wizard. That or he is so dapper he doesn’t need batteries to tell time.

ALSO #35’s WATCH IS KIND OF BARE. IT NEEDS A PICTURE OF SOME SORT TO COVER THE INNER FACE OF HIS POCKETWATCH. I SUGGESTED HE GET A MISTRESS AND PUT HER PICTURE ON THERE BUT I THINK A PICTURE OF MARK WOULD WORK JUST AS WELL.

11. The other TAY group stayed on the monorail for 3 more loops around the track. What? That’s dedication folks. Morkai Au tried to take a picture of us from inside the train but it was too dark :-( While those guys were on the train we walked to Kinokuniya, then Bish disappeared again. He seems to do that a lot. Turns out he was doing some cupcake hunting for Freyr. The cupcake had a flag on it and everything. He even took photos of it. I was thinking to myself that Bish was a good guy for going to all that trouble for Freyr but I must have thought too soon because he ate the cupcake.

12. The other group caught up with us and we proceeded to block the walkways two different times once outside ICHIBAN, which had a long waiting time, and again outside Wagamama where we eventually had our lunch. It was my first time using chopsticks *shock* I fumbled with them for a while before deciding to use a fork instead. Also despite my perpetual silence, the group of guys in the corner (Pez, Alex, Harli, Hugo etc.) of the table still let out a hearty MASHAAAA which was always nice. Bish almost burnt himself with some hot tea. We all paid for our meal and apparently Bish is the one who does all the counting but we don’t trust him with money. This must be one of TAY’s mysteries

FORKS STILL BEAT CHOPSTICKS BY THE WAY. YOU CAN’T STAB SOMEONE WITH A CHOPSTICK.

13. After lunch we decide that the guys with bags should go to the hotel so we get back on the monorail and split up again. Woooo. This time I was in a carriage with Flu and Alex who seemed to be having a staring contest with Shiggy and I think Doc What. Bish now had a cane for some reason and he was limping very convincingly. We split into two groups as one group went to Galaxy World early and the rest of us went to the hotel. I was in the latter group which proved to be the wrong group as Shiggy lead us on a gruelling search for this mysterious hotel. Doc What told me about Shiggy’s Zelda back tattoos. Don’t ask me how Doc What knows that.

14. Some TAFE students were taking pictures of the road. It looked odd since some of them were taking pictures of themselves taking pictures. YUP. Shiggy continued to lead us on and we soon arrived at the hotel which didn’t have the best entry way. It looked okay on the inside though and the room wasn’t too bad. I was tired at this point so I just sat there slumped on the couch watching people. Shiggy hid Doc What’s 3DS under the TV which was kind of funny as Doc What tried to lift the TV looking for it. It was in a drawer under the TV. Pez curiously asked if the hotel TV had any adult entertainment and Rize was scared of his bed which may or may not have killed him. I wasn’t there so I’m not sure; I think Rize is still alive.

SO PEZ? DID THE HOTEL TV HAVE A SCRAMBLED ADULT CHANNEL?

15. After everybody had a breather we all agreed that we were not walking back to galaxy world, so we took two cabs. I was in a cab with Ruffleberg, Doc What and Shiggy. We talked about cel shaded games, PS2 RPGs and the Wiiu. Our cab was in the lead for most of the journey but the other guys arrived there before us. Weird. I think Rize must have scared the cab driver with his scary soccer stories.

16. At Galaxy world we met up with Ben. Yes, that Ben, Ben White. Looking back we should have asked him to take us for a visit to the Allure offices. Oh well, maybe next time. Galaxy world was really fun. Powalen and I raced against each other. I was crap and finished last even though Harli tried her best to cheer me on. We then went on the bumper cars which was so much fun but be warned they can be really hard on your knees if you’re tall. Afterwards Hugo and I played some Tekken 6 against each other. He won twice but I managed to win a match.

17. After most of us were ready to leave, Ben and Rize were not going to give up so easily and we all went back to watch them play. They were actually pretty good. Once we were all done at Galaxy world it was time to decide where to go. Pez tried to get some ideas for a restaurant to eat at but Bish complained that he was too short to be heard. Ha. So Pez stood on top of a bench and some TAYbies actually went on their knees to listen to him which was pretty funny. There was actually an old woman there who was watching us. She must have thought we were all crazy. There was also a married couple in the shopping centre for some reason.

AT THIS POINT ALEXPANTS HAD TO LEAVE. HE CLAIMS HE WAS GOING TO A DINNER PARTY BUT I THINK HE IS CHEATING ON TAY WITH ANOTHER FORUM. SO WHAT IS IT ALEX? IS IT GAMESPOT, IGN?

18. After saying goodbye to Alex we walked up the street and decided on dinner at Yard House. Doc what actually called Harry’s café de wheels, which was outside Yard House, café de whee which I thought was pretty funny. We sat down for dinner and some beers. While we sat there FLU told us about all the endangered meat he’s eaten and he explained the origins of his name. Bish doesn’t know how he came up with his username. Rize’s beer mysteriously disappeared and he came up with a new scale of richness a. Millionaire b. Billionaire c. Packing tape.

19. Batgirl joined us for dinner and Powalen left thereafter. Bish tried to take a picture of Shiggy and me on the 3DS camera but I don’t think it turned out very well. (I hope you still have the pic Bish, crappy or not I wouldn’t mind having it.) Shiggy explained the origins of his phone dongle. You see, Shiggy has a weird yellow dongle on his phone which he claims does nothing but it’s obviously there to mesmerise you. Disappointed by the picture we made fun of MorkaiAu’s camera which was admittedly awesome but, you know, it doesn’t do 3D. 3DS wins this time!! The group across from where I was sitting let out another MASHAAAA, which was still nice to hear. 20. The fun day we were having so far was unfortunately ruined by the jerk who stole Harli’s bag, which put a damper on the mood for a while. Harli seemed distressed but OK. We all paid for our meal and proceeded to have drinks next door. Pez bought a round of drinks for all of us which was very kind of him. Nova, Ruffleberg and Freyr talked about parents and computers as Pez let out another MASHAAA. At this point I’m beating myself up for not replying to any of the MASHAAAA shouting. (I’m sorry everybody)

21. I met batguy for 2 seconds (Adam I think) Hi. Apparently he’s a very smart dude according to Ruffleberg. He looked the part.

22. We changed seats and went to a corner of the bar. From there we watched Pez take too many photos of BISH and FLU. Rize told scary soccer stories. Also Rize and #35 can do weird things with their fingers, be warned.

23. Unfortunately I had to leave at that point and as I left I experienced one of the best things ever. Imagine a group of 10-15 people in a corner at the bar all shouting your name as you leave. It was beautiful as everyone shouted MASHAAAAAAAA for almost a minute. The other patrons on the bar looked dumbfounded but I was very thankful and over joyed.

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR BEING ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT SHOUTING MASHAAA. EVEN THOUGH I DIDN’T RETURN THE ENTHUSIASM I’M STILL THANKFUL INSIDE. THE GOODBYE AT THE END WAS REALLY HEART MELTING.

THE END.

If you read all this I hope you enjoyed it. I apologise for any grammatical/spelling errors.

Finally, we didn’t have a Community Kudos last week and Mark implied this week’s would be huge. In that case I think we should all nom Harli for being awesome. Her weekend was dampened by the guy who stole her bag and I think winning Community Kudos would be good for her as she deals with cancelling and replaces any lost cards.

P.S. I’ve copied this bit from AlexPants meat write up. So here are my Mono-Meat awards:

MOST COMMITMENT: Pez for staying in his suit the whole time and not changing shirts.

CHEAPEST DAPPER: Bish. Plastic monocle and plastic cane made even worse because it was repaired using packing paper.

FANCIEST DAPPER: #35 with his sweet pocket watch.

GAMING DAPPER: Shiggy with his Zelda belt buckle.

DARING NAME CHANGE: Rize decided to change his name to the jelly guy or Rize: The jelly guy

BEST SUSPENDERS: Harli. I’m sorry Flu you hid yours for too long.

MOST SILENT TAYBIE: Me. Yes! I win something.

P.P.S

Question: Will I attend the next Sydney meat?

Answer: Based on my experience over the weekend, Yes. I hope everybody wants me there. I promise I’ll try and talk more.

[talesoftay]

The Great 2012 Monomeat Writeup by AlexPants

Starring: About 20 people who I can’t be bothered to list all at once Directed by: Pez, given how he seemed in charge of organizing us Released: April 28th, 2012 Rated: D for Dapper Tagline: “Bish is ruining this meat” ~ Pez

My personal travel woes: Okay seriously, everything is absolutely terrible in regards to getting into Town Hall. My train line is down for trackwork so I have to take a bus, which is hot and cramped and a kid brings his bike on which blocks everyone in and makes everything slower. I glare at him for so long he gets a nosebleed though, so I figure I just discovered psychic powers. Anyway my bus arrives at Wynard after an hour or so and I waltz on over to the Galleries, where I casually join the circle of half-dapper people and it takes them a few seconds to notice.

In a counterclockwise circle I meet: Powalen, Nova, Morkai, #35, MAAAASSSSHHHHAAAAAA, Bish, Ruffleberg, and Flu. I think that’s right, anyway. Lots of handshaking is done. We stand around for a bit before Bish leaves to pick up Rize. He leaves his dapper hat though. We find a pamphlet and a bowtie inside it. People contemplate wearing his hat, but decide against it, because we haven’t seen him wear the hat yet, and if you wear someone else’s hat before they do, it becomes your hat. Apparently that’s a rule. A little after that Pez, Doc What and Hugo arrive, they look suited up. Pez is really short. Doc What seems really excited about possible 3DS streetpasses, but if he ever got any I didn’t see them. Except for his twin, yeah apparently he found his twin! Pez abuses Shiggy over the phone because he is late, but then he isn’t! He has an awesome belt buckle but I couldn’t look at it more than once or else it would look like I was staring at his crotch, so I stay silent about it. Moving on, we decide that a bunch of semi-dapper people standing outside both a gym and a monorail station is looking awkward, so we all buy passes for the monorail and…stand around in front of the station waiting for people. The ticket lady looks worried.

Pez decides Bish is ruining the meat: There is more phone communicating as we wait for Bish to return with Rize, which takes like 40 minutes in the end. A bit before they arrive, Harli shows up! Freyr was apparently getting lunch so we decide to hop on the monorail at this point – we have been standing around for about an hour. The first monorail shows up, and it’s packed full of people. Everyone is confused, because we all thought nobody ever used this thing. We opt to wait for an emptier one, which fortunately comes pretty quickly. We have to split up, though – Pez, Shiggy, Harli, Doc What, Morkai, Nova and I hop into the back compartment, hereafter named AWESOMECARRIAGE. Flu sits alone in the adjacent carriage. Except not really alone, there’s loads of random people in there who are probably confused by his dapperness. He joins us in the AWESOMECARRIAGE two stops later.

The Monorail is really slow: But Shiggy and I are still convinced we’re gonna die. This seems confirmed when it randomly stops in the middle of the track for a while, but then it keeps going. Despite its speed (‘this thing can go as fast as 40!’ ~ Someone), the trip is really bumpy/shaky. There are jokes that we should play corners, but genuine concern over potentially toppling the carriage persuade us otherwise. Our enthusiasm scares the people around us, and most filter out except for a young couple who seem to wish they would arrive at their stop already. Some photos are taken. Pez makes awkward comments and gets stared at several times by the young couple. They leave pretty soon after that. We make a full circuit and discover that all the other people in other carriages have decided to get off. ‘Stuff that’, says the AWESOMECARRIAGE, ‘We’re going again!’ And so we go around again. Thank goodness Flu decided to join us earlier, we needed his dapper vest with us for round two. We death glare anyone who looks to hop into our carriage, they all move away pretty quickly. Everyone discovers I’m recording things in a notebook for this writeup. Also, I feel like the conductor is judging us, the station announcements sound really angry, but they may be automated, in which case, I wonder why they recorded them to sound so angry. At the end of round 2, Freyr joins the party! Party gains +1 corset ability. Bish stands in the background with a cupcake. It looks pretty awesome. We go for round 3! Shiggy times the circuit, 16 and a half minutes! Harli is getting really hungry so we decide to get off and join the others for lunch.

Ichiban-WAIT NO WAGAMAMA: Seating 16 people at Ichiban was gonna take half an hour, so despite Harli and Pez giggling over our number being 69 we decide to go to Wagamama instead, where we just manage to fit everyone onto one long table. I am stingy and cheap and only order a side dish. So does Hugo, but I don’t know if he’s stingy or cheap. Bish spills some of his tea? Pez is the master of saying awkward things whenever the waitress gets close. I sit at the end of the table and listen to Pez and Shiggy bicker with each other, but it isn’t as passionate as their Twitter fights. A lot of money travels down the table. Pez and Bish yell at each other from opposite ends a few times. The phrase “speak taller” is used multiple times. Pez decides it’s time for people to dump stuff in their hotel room, so the party splits up again! Half go…I dunno…while the other half get BACK ON THE MONORAIL, BABY.

“I think that’s a bomb” ~ Flu: This is said in a crowded monorail carriage. I hope nobody else heard it. It’s really cramped on the monorail. Seriously, they’re gonna tear this down…why? Two stops later, we encounter Bish, but he has a CANE. CANE BISH. Others get back on the monorail, but in different carriages. This allows for an epic battle: FLU and PANTS vs SHIGGY and DOC WHAT; THE STARING CONTEST. Flu and Pants win because Shiggy and Doc keep looking away. This may be because they don’t know this is a contest. When we get off in front of Market City, the group splits up again, this time so that some of the people can go to the hotel for reals! I dunno what they did next, but we did this:

Market City!: We go into the markets because Harli and Freyr want to dapper up some more by buying cool hats. But they take too long and some of us are impatient, so we slowly head up to Galaxy World. They catch up to us pretty quickly, actually. I wave and scream “HI!” at them on an escalator and everyone else gives me weird looks because they can’t see anyone else. I am not crazy, I swear. We go into Galaxy World and I stare at the bumper cars and suddenly I’m ten years old again. While we wait for other people to show up a few games of Animal Kaiser are played. Powalen is slaughtered by ramen that falls from an egg in the sky.

Bursting into a kid’s birthday party: Suddenly we notice Harli, Freyr and Flu have vanished, but we find them on the bottom level in some seats behind a birthday party. When we join them they appear to be having hat contests. Freyr and Flu battle it out for best hat trick. Flu wins, Morkai photographs the event and vows to make it a gif someday. The table we sit at has a ‘RESERVED FOR PARTY’ sign on it, but screw that, we’re dapper! A bunch of kids play pass the parcel on the floor in the corner. We start feeling bad for taking the seats, but then decide that the game is best played on the floor anyway, so whatevs. Eventually, the party (TAYbies, not the birthday group) reunite, only now we have Ben! He says he was dressed like a hobo, but he has a cool hat, too! Also he kept talking about Pizza Hut.

RUFFLEBERG VERSUS PANTS: Everyone buys/recharges their Galaxy World cards so that even more fun can be had! We get photo passes but we never use them. Or maybe they were used after I left. Either way, sadface. ROUND ONE: I have no idea what game we played, but the whole thing ends in a tie, which I think is pretty impressive because Ruffleberg knew what he was doing and I didn’t! MEANWHILE: Freyr is fake-mad at Bish because he bought her a cupcake and then ate it when she joined the AWESOMECARRIAGE earlier. Bish goes off in search of cupcakes and comes back with some for himself, Harli and Freyr. I am jealous. INTERLUDE: Some people have a go at the HAMMER KING game. I think Nova sets the best score in the end. Ben worries he’s going to do something embarrassing like hitting himself in the head with the hammer. People reassure him so he gives it a try, only to struggle to get the hammer out of its holding thingy. ROUND TWO: Air hockey! I prove I have hopeless reflexes and fail miserably. Ruffleberg wins!

BUMPER BONANZA: I am so excited for the bumper cars. People have been warning me all day that they’re rougher than any other bumper cars I’ve ever ridden. They are oh so very right. As the lights dim and a horrible pop song plays over the speakers I have a head-on collision with Doc What and nearly fly out of my seat. The only people in the cars are TAYbies so we can be as mean as we like to anyone we want. It is chaotic beauty. Just before the end Pez smashes into me and my knee smacks into my steering wheel. It is now a really pretty bruise. Pez says it’s an initiation into the way of the bumper cars. Some other games happen, but then people get on the bumper cars again. Not everyone, though, the rest of us stand on the sidelines and watch. Harli spins out two kids in a corner and cackles maniacally as she drives off (she may not have been cackling, but that sounds so much cooler). Then Shiggy completely destroys those same kids for the rest of the run (he may not have destroyed them, but that sounds cooler than just picking on them a bit). Also, #35 finds great amusement in two little girls who bash their heads together on collision at one point (he does find great amusement in this, and it sounds way cool). We are a sadistic bunch.

This has gone on for too long: As Ruffleberg goes to find Batgirl, who apparently doesn’t know where George street is, and people begin making dinner plans, I realize I have to leave as I have a family dinner to attend. Sadface. I high five Harli, but everyone else is fake-offended (I hope it’s fake) I wouldn’t shake hands with them so I just stare at them awkwardly and laugh for a few seconds before walking off.

And now, the 2012 Monomeat Awards! Most Disappointing Food: My ridiculously expensive satay chicken at Wagamama. I’m sure Hugo agrees with me here. Ten bucks for three little skewers. Ripoff! Delicious, but a ripoff! Best New Cult: The Children of the Rocket. Best Looking Cupcake: Freyr was standing next to me while she ate hers and it looked pretty good, so it wins. (this is a lazy award. I just like cupcakes) Best Hat Flip: Flu. Apology Award for Not Knowing Who You Were For the Longest Time: NovaCascade. You probably introduced yourself when we first met but processing eight/nine names at once was too much for my small brain and I completely forgot. I assumed you were Nova, but I didn’t want to ask without sounding rude! Please forgive me! Most Dapper: Bish (with cane, not to be confused with Bish [no cane]). Cutest Couple: Pez and Shiggy. Most Awkward Moment: There were too many. Notable mentions include; - “Pizza Hut is for inbreds” Pez, to the scared couple on the monorail - “I just barely managed to fit my junk in” Pez, referring to his pants in the presence of the scared Wagamama waitress - “Where’s my sake?!” Shiggy, demanding Pez’s sake right as the scared waitress was bringing it to him - “I think that’s a bomb. It’s ticking and there’s numbers and everything.” Flu, to a carriage of scared monorail commuters, which included children - Pez standing on the bench outside Galaxy World and people bowing in prayer as he discusses dinner plans with us, scaring the people sitting on adjacent benches Pez is clearly the winner because he is referenced in most of these nominations!

On a fully serious note, I had an absolutely fantastic day and it was a pleasure to meet everyone. You’re all really friendly people and I felt comfortable around everyone so quickly, it was amazing. There were about twenty people, though, which meant I didn’t get many chances to talk to a lot of people, so we’ll have to hope for next time! Thanks for making my weekend so memorable. THE END

[talesoftay]

THE WORKPLACE by Bish

THE WORKPLACE (working title) – Pilot Idea co-created by Jordi, Blaghman, Notoriousaur and Bish

[Camera shot of and flame-haired man in his office, spending a good half minute trying to uncrinkle his blue and white check patterned shirt] Man: Oh, sorry, are we recording? *The man clears his throat* Man: I’m Mark Serrels and I’m the CEO of Kotaku Australia (Non-Sexual) Entertainment Services. Don’t ask about the company name, someone isn’t very good at naming things. I’ve been the boss for aboot 18 months now and we’ve experienced some pretty phenomenal growth, because I like to think we work together more as family and friends. [Shot of what appears to be an incredibly cramped staff meeting, many people crowded around a ping pong-table. Mark walks in from the side to the head of the table] Mark: Mornin’ a’ body, ‘n’ welcome tae th’ stairt o’ a freish week! *Unified groan from everyone in the room* Mark: Just wanted tae say ye’r a’ bonny gallus guys ‘n’ even though ah dinnae actually ken whit we dae ‘ere, keep oan daein’ whit ye’r daein’! *Mark struts out of the room* Voice from the back of the room: …I’m going to be honest, I understood none of that. Also can we leave now? I think someone’s accidentally groping me or something. Other voice from back of the room: Hah! …I mean yes, “accidentally”.

[Cut to the camera shakily following Mark as he appears to be giving a tour of the office] Mark: And this is our logo- *Mark points to a 12 meter long line of red and black text saying “Kotaku Australia (Non-Sexual) Entertainment Services”* Mark: *in a lowered tone* -Seriously we have to do something about that name. *Mark resumes at a more audible level* So here we start with Jordi! *The camera swivels to a lady sitting at the front desk, halfway in the middle of a bite of cake. She freezes in surprise* Jordi: … Mark: She’s our receptionist! We have a receptionist! Isn’t that all professional? What sort of things do you do Jordi? Jordi, now free of awkward cake moments: I mostly listen to songs from the 80s and eat cakes. *pause* Oh, you mean as a receptionist! Ummm… *awkward silence* Mark: Isn’t she great!? *Mark starts moving along, and the camera follows* Mark: Here is where most of the magic happens! *The camera pans across a large office space, with offices on the side, cubicles in the middle, and a goat roaming the corridors* *A short man with glasses yells from the back of the office* Man: Again, goat!? You get back here! I demand a rematch! I swear to god I will punch you if you cheat at Checkers again! STRAIGHT. TO THE. MOON! *The man realises he’s being filmed and stares blankly at the camera for a second* Man: Oh. Hi? [Cut to the man sitting in his office, fiddling with his phone, most likely tweeting something] [Lower Third flashes up on screen: Pez – Incident Manager] Pez: I’m the Incident Manager here. Whenever there’s an issue, it’s my job to get to the root of the problem, get it sorted and see how we can prevent it in the future. [Cuts to scene: The camera looks up at Pez and Blaghman’s faces as they stare down at something.] Pez: Another hooker, Blaghman? Blaghman: What? They’re not really people. Pez: *sigh*Well, at least she’s on a rug this time. Help me roll her up and put her in the boot. [Cuts back to Pez in his office] Pez: I’m not going to lie, it’s a stressful job. But I’m a calm guy, so I handle these things quickly, and efficiently. [Montage of various moments, the first being a re-roll of the scene, moments earlier] Pez: *chasing a goat* STRAIGHT. TO THE. MOON! [Change scene] Pez: *on the phone, covering up the microphone portion* I swear. I’m going to flip some GOD. DAMN. TABLES. [Change scene] Pez: *peering in the fridge* DID SOMEONE STEAL MY CAKE!? Man off camera, muffled: You mean the cakes I make and you claim without permission? Pez: *yelling at the man off camera* SHUT YOUR FACE, PERM… FACE! [Cuts back to Pez in his office] Pez: Cool like a cucumber-iceberg hybrid, spliced together by our R&D/tech team. That’s me.

[New scene: A tall man stands at the kitchen contemplatively staring at a banana and a cup of tea, talking to himself] Man: So if a banana has about 100 calories, and a cup of tea with a splash of milk has about 15 or 16, then 6 cups of tea equals a banana, but if I have the banana, I’ll be set for 3 weeks. I’m not sure the tea will last me 3 weeks. Decisions, decisions… [Cuts to the man in his cubicle slowly eating a banana] Man: They know me around here as Effluvium Boy, and I’m the Acquisitions Officer. Mind you, the job title actually has nothing to do with what I actually do. For the most part I- *A man starts speaking from off camera and the camera swivels to him* Blaghman: He mostly liaises with all the other companies we deal with and seduces the people he works with so we get the better deals. He just speaks in a really deep voice and undresses people with his dulcet tones. *Effluvium Boy starts speaking and the camera swivels back* Effluvium Boy: I assume that’s why you’re shirtless? Blaghman, off camera: Correct!

[New scene: Mark leads the cameraman through a wooden floor-boarded room with cables everywhere] Mark: This is our tech department, where the magic happens! Well, more of the magic. I don’t really think there’s a quota on magicalness. Look, Rocketman and Jo are over there! *Mark indicates to people on camera, but some distance away* Anyway, watch out you don’t trip on the cables. Man in the background: Also watch out, I think we left the cucumberg somewhere over there! Mark: Right where these “Slippery when wet” signs are? It’ll be fi- *Mark suddenly disappears from the camera, and there is a loud thud noise* *The camera looks down and captures Mark momentarily disoriented, laying in a small pool of water with a cucumber in it, but quickly scrambling to his feet* Mark: I’M OKAY! …I’ll be back in a ‘sec. *The camera follows Mark scurrying off somewhere, and then quickly swivelling to the tech department guys* *They shrug* [Scene: A 12-year old boy sits in front of a grey box with knobs and dials and a screen that looks like it came from the 1970s] Boy: Uh, my name is Rocketman, and I’m the instrumentations guy… I think. I… mostly turn knobs and dials and… things. *Someone speaks inaudibly off camera* Rocketman: What!? I’m not a kid! I’m 20! And stop ruffling my hair! I’m an adult, damn you! Rocketman: Anyway! Let me show you around the lab because Mark told me to! *Rocketman gets up and the camera follows him. * Rocketman: So that’s a… Wayne-Kerr machine *Rocketman tries to stifle a chuckle*… ahhhh, never gets old. Deep voice from off camera: How old are you again? Rocketman: Shut uuuuuupppppppp.

[New scene: Mark is randomly wandering around the office] Mark: I’d love to show you some more, but we’re nearing the end of the day now. But we’re all such good friends that I’m sure they’ll be happy to stay back and show you wha- *Mark is interrupted by Pez yelling at the back of the room. The camera shifts focus to the source of the yelling* Pez: Who has two thumbs and is ready to blow this crappy joint in a non-sexual manner? *The camera focuses in on the man* Pez: This guy! *Pez indicates towards himself with his thumbs* Mark: Pez! I was just saying how it’d be great if we all stayed back a little to show the crew around the office! *Pez pauses mid-strut, and freezes in that pose for 5 seconds. He then walks over to a cubicle* Pez: (╯ಠ_ಠ)╯︵ ┻━┻ [Cuts to scene of Pez in his office] Pez: Cool like a cucumber-iceberg hybrid.

[Credits roll]

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Upcoming TAY Meats - thanks to DAN! and Pez for setting this up.

Image is also accessible via the Meats 'n' Events link on the right sidebar.

[talesoftay]

Sydney Meats Anniversary by Bish

I walked up the stairs, to the very first Meat To meet internet strangers, which for me was quite a feat. I was introduced to FatShady, and Doc What by name, and offered to help as they set up a game.

The rest trickled in, as a group Mark, Kirby and Eats Then Batguy, Dawdle, Flu, and Strange, and we all exchanged some greets.

When Eats introduced herself, I was confused, mind in disarray Mark said he expected a fat guy in cosplay.

I said introduced myself to Strange, to which she said: “Oh my god I love you!” a phrase I may have misread. Sensing alarm, she explained herself quickly; Apparently I had helped her (Doesn’t sound like me)

TadMod came in, as tall as the sky, and Effluvium Boy asked “… Who’s this guy?”

We played the new fangled 3DS, it was pretty fun. Felt pretty weird playing FaceRaiders, and shooting Batguy’s son.

I moved between conversations, listening to banter And Mark said the immortal line “You should have just stalked her.”

We tried to get lunch, but the pizza computers were broken And we all dispersed, seeking another food option

Some went to Subway, behind a piano, a bit out of the way Tad and Kirby played said piano, to which some old people expressed dismay.

We came back with food, and watched some TV An Idiot Abroad, laughs were plenty.

And so came the time to part at the end of the day, We said goodbye, then awkwardly headed the same way.

We split up at the station, Eats and I caught the same train Just two internet strangers, cue awkwardness again But we broke the ice discussing Dragon Age 2, And talks of sexing up Fenris certainly did ensue.

On the 17th of April began a tradition So on its anniversary, we should have a celebration! (But I’m bad at meat planning, so I’m open to suggestion)

[talesoftay]

Saturday Cake Jo Rabbit Rocket March Interstate Sydney morewordshere MEAT by Bish

- I win the race and berate ‘Flu upon his arrival. However, missing half the group (who apparently stopped to wait for Freyr), I accept his excuse. Dawdle and CrabJiffy show up, and we group chat for a bit, before I manage to dribble Peach Mango Ice Tea all over my face and head to the bathroom to clean up. Jogging down the corridor, a lady turns around to see what sort of jerk jogs towards the bathroom, and her boyfriend has the same idea, but he does this seconds later and actually stops to turn around, and she walks face first into his backpack. I apologise to them, but laugh at it on the inside. - After my cleanup, I notice no one is in front of Galaxy World anymore. frequentlyalone.jpg - So I head inside, straight to the Animal Kaiser machines and spot a bunch of people on it. There was more Animal Kaiser during the night. So much Alien Egg B. I wish there was a Youtube clip of it. You guys really need to see it.

What ees proof reading? I have done better, I feel, but things to do /o\

[talesoftay]

The Rocket-Rabbit-Jo-Cake-Other-People Meat by Bish

Spare time during lunch!

Pre-Meat Meating

Saturday, 10AM – I bolt out the door, expecting monstrous traffic on the way to the airport, preparing a messaeg to Jo apologising for being late. But all the regular chokepoints, Drummoyne and the M5 are clear and I somehow manage to arrive before Jo. successbaby.jpg I wait at an Arrivals gate, unaware that there are two, and manage to luck out as I spot Jo. I yell out “JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” despite being 3 meters away, and we head back to the car, even though I actually didn’t introduce myself. So I guess he either figured out who I was or he just follows people who shout out his internet handle.

Saturday, 11:20 – A 10km journey from the airport to Pitt Street takes half an hour because I keep turning at all the wrong places. It was… the scenic route. Yeah. – We check Jo in sort of but not really because we were early and we go to grab an early lunch. You know those mini burger things at Hungry Jacks? They are as terrible as they look. – I try to get Jo some bearings around the city and go for a walk. A giant clock drips fluid on me. I randomly bought candy from Darrel Lea. We walked through Strand Arcade. We saw a guy drumming like a boss on plastic buckets in Pitt Street Mall. Then we headed off to pick up Trjn.

Saturday, 1:50 – A call, presumably from Trjn, 5 minutes from the airport. I fumble around in my pockets and accidentally hang up on him (also I don’t like him very much). Jo calls Trjn and we sort out pickup arrangements. I get to the pickup area, and there’s this guy at the pedestrian crossing wearing jeans and a T-shirt and I’m all “Is that Trjn?”. Of course, I don’t actually ask him this directly, I just point at him from inside the car, and it just so happens that while he’s looking right to make sure I don’t run him over (it was tempting) he spots me pointing and staring at him. Acknowledging us, clearly at some sort of understanding (David Attenborough: “The Homo Sapien male does not communicate via traditional means of verbal language. They merely gesture at each other and occasionally grunt.”), I park and we introduce ourselves to each other (“FRIEND!”) and head off. – I only make one wrong turn this time aw yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Caturday, 2:20ish – I spot a suss group of male youths outside Wynyard Travelodge, comprised of Ruffleberg, Doc What, Nova, #35, Hugo and people I am totally forgetting about maybe. I wiggle my butt at What for dem Streetpasses, and shoo Trjn and Jo inside to get them to settle their accomodation, and head backoutside to offer people my Darrel Lea candy (not a euphemism) – We start heading off to Circular Quay for late lunch, and #35 introduces himself to me. I shake his hand and say “Hi!” – Seconds pass. – I turn back around. “OH! I didn’t introduce myself! I’m Bish!”. SO THAT WAS AWKWARD – Interstaters Jo and Trjn lead the way. Makes sense. – Halfway through the walk to late lunch, I head back to pick up Rocketman.

Haturday, 3:10 PM – I take a photo of this early 30s guy possibly compensating for something. – Despite having no reception inside the airport, Rocketman and I manage to communicate and try meet up. Turns out he was possibly waiting in the part of the airport I wasn’t allowed into, hurrrrr. But it’s cool, I saw the manchild, and was all |o| and he saw me and we fistbumped and headed off. – We sang in the car. – Then I stopped singing because I tried to get onto Kent Street but couldn’t, so had to loop around near the Fish Markets and then I got too far up Kent Street and couldn’t get onto Sussex Street and had to turn around then I got onto Sussex Street, and went into the wrong carpark but parked anyway and walked 500 miles to drop off Rocketman at Wynyard, then walked 500 more back to the car to park it at the right carpark. So that was a little frustrating. – And then I got a message from Flu saying they were heading to Market City, so I bolted there because if I were late again, I’d never hear the end of it from him.

[talesoftay]

Happy Birthday Mark by Effluvium Boy

Thirty years ago this day, a beast rose from the loch.

The villagers who witnessed this were up for quite a shock,

When the monster laid upon the shore a wee bairn, wrapped in cloth!

Then proceeded to recede, back into the murky broth...

The people took the child in, and raised him as their own,

The lad was barely crawling ‘fore their collective blinds were mown...

It seemed he had a baffling knack for writing stories and reports,

He couldn’t speak a word yet, but could scribble quick retorts!

Whatever was in reach, be it paper, cloth, or bark,

He left inscriptions everywhere, and so they named him “Mark”

As Mark grew, so did his skills. He wrote a thesis by age five!

On  the subtext found in Pac-Man games, and Pac’s efforts to survive.

With the advent of the internet, his work became quite famous.

Gamers ‘round the world professed “This guy’s no ignoramus!”

The legend spread. Awards were won – which he lavished with affection,

(It wouldn’t be surprising if Lizzie’s gave him an erection)

The people of Kotaku praised Mark as their lord,

And he graced them with his presence, within TAY’s message board.

And so, that brings us to the present. Just in time to say...

Thanks Mark! You’re a legend! Have a freakin’ sweet Birthday!

[talesoftay]

Poetry by Effluvium Boy

Here I sit, and click and type, Jot down some notes while thoughts are ripe, Yet, beneath this veil of work-based fervour, It doesn’t take a keen observer, To see my zeal has all but faded, And in fact I’m bored… worn and jaded. I spread some sheets and sum some cells, But dream of spells and wishing wells, Of ninjas, knights and Viking lords, Slings and arrows, wands and swords, Of dragons battling Nascar drivers, With paper clips ‘twere once MacGyver’s. My mind then wanders into space, Where Santa Clause completes a race, Against a weasel, who’s stubbed his toe, Whilst passing through Orion’s bow. A pirate, scarred, with gums that bleed, Takes time to check his Twitter feed, As he wrestles with a giant squid, And tweets about a chest he’s hid. The chest contains a thousand bones, Of those who’ve met with Davy Jones, As well as some of a guy named Jake, Who died from eating too much cake. The phone then rings. My mind is jerked, Back to this place where I have worked, For several years, in mindless stupor, For little wage (less tax and super), But soon enough I return, again, To the dark depths of my congealed brain. There lies a beast who looks surreal, With teeth of glass and claws of steel. It feeds on babies and drinks their blood, And barfs it out like crimson mud, Into the faces of politicians, And high school students with great ambitions. The spew, it burns, melts flesh and skin, Leaves nought but skull with rictus grin, So, although they smile and look quite happy, They’re dead, so must feel rather crappy. Beyond the beast is a machine, A retired robot space marine, When once he murdered droves of men, Now he sticks with nine or ten. Enough to keep himself content, And earn some coin to pay the rent. Apart from that he sits around, And tries to write of thoughts profound, But since, a psyche, he’s without, He suffers eternal creative drought. Much like that ‘bot I sit and grind, Away at work, with absent mind, But in the place of cogs and gears, I’m made of meat, blood, sweat and tears. My bony crown contains grey matter, With which, reality, I can shatter, And bend and twist ‘til half past five, When I escape! (If I’m still alive…)

[talesoftay]

Sydney TAY Meats by Bish.

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Letter to No-one by Various

Dear G-Unit. Your suggestions have not alleviated the cheese issue. Furthermore, I don’t understand what you were doing with the teddy bear on your lap. However, because of that I have come to the conclusion that having a companion bear indiscretion earlier one what have thought that flammable substances in a petting zoo were considered inappropriate due to the nature of  penicl, which should be illegal in the presence of pandas, as well as the fact that you punched it right in the furry kneecap (well known to be a weakness of various bears and bear-like objects). Finally I seem to be unable to perform when I discovered you hiding in the secret underpants compartment making monkey like a penguin selling ice in the arctic, it’s totally not cool at all. Unless you use the 40 gallon drum of KY and massive amounts of WD40, to ensure that friction is not an issue when you’re sliding the companion bear, the panda and the penguin back into the milking shed where you took them from. so hopefully Dick does Dallas.

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Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? (part 6) by Bish

This may not be up to scratch; it’s… different.

The TAYbie paces nervously outside the interrogation room (read: the laundry), summoned there after nearly a week and a half after the last interrogation. A figure approaches the TAYbie and they snap to attention TAYbie: Boss! ‘Boss’: I’ve called you here because this matter needs to be resolved. Or strung along more. I don’t know, whichever! Don’t you question me! TAYbie: Uh- ‘Boss’: So here’s a new batch of files. I’ve already got one waiting in there for you. The head honcho walks off, like some sort of brief, poorly thought out excuse to resurrect this series. Like in Bold and the Beautiful when whatsherface died but actually didn’t. The writers shoe-horned her reappearance real good. PS that was sarcastic.

INTERROGATION: Alfonse

Alfonse: Why am I here, exactly? TAYbie: Don’t play games with me, Alfonse! You know exactly why you’re here! I would totally slam my hands on the table if Ruffleberg hadn’t flipped it over! Alfonse: I don’t understand! TAYbie: Don’t play games with me, ‘Shane’! Alfonse’s eyes narrow slightly TAYbie: That’s right, Alfonse. I know about your other identity. Loving husband, father, officeworker unsatisfied with his job. You’re just so… ‘normal’. Blend in, is that your plan? Alfonse remains silent TAYbie: I know you know something. Alfonse: You think you know I know something, but little do you actually comprehend. TAYbie: Hey, no! Don’t you go all Yoda on me! Alfonse: Then we have nothing left to discuss. TAYbie: I will break you.

Conclusion: Alfonse was not broken. He started repeating some sort of code, after that point. “Ess-haych-aye-en-ee-dub-a-you-ess-em-eye-tee-haych-dot-see-oh-em-slash-bee-el-oh-gee”. Over and over and over. Non stop for 43 hours before we let him go. We have the guys in crypto working on it, but nothing yet.

INTERROGATION: Lambomann007

TAYbie walks into the room, files and pen in hand TAYbie: Sorry about the late entrance, the door was jammed or something.The handle wouldn’t work. Lambo: I suppose kicking it off its hinges does take some time. TAYbie: Right? Maybe I can make the repairs tax deducatable… Oh hey, the room is tidy. Lambo: Yeah, I put everything back in place while I was waiting. Put the table back upright, dragged your chair over in position. TAYbie moves to sit down TAYbie: Thanks! AUGH- -but the chair collapses under them, and they lay there momentarily dazed before clumsily getting back up, trying to regain their composure and maintain the atmosphere of the room TAYbie: That’s okay, standing is good for my posture. Lambo stares quietly, bemused TAYbie: So, Lambo, the cookies… The TAYbie leans on table… but a leg snaps off and they stumble backwards into the wall TAYbie: SONOFA The TAYbie curses under their breath and rubs the back of their head Lambo: Are you okay? TAYbie: Just… just give me a moment. The Lambo picks up the files and pen, and offers them back to the TAYbie TAYbie: Bah, thanks. The TAYbie starts writing something on the folder, pauses for a second, and then starts violently scratching it across the entire folder TAYbie: Really? Really? The pen doesn’t work? TAYbie: … TAYbie: Just… go. Lambo leaves the room

Conclusion: WHY WAS EVERYTHING IN THAT ROOM BROKEN

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Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? (part 5) by Bish

INTERROGATION: Tech Knight

Unspecified TAYbie: You were in the kitchen! I know it! Tech Knight: It’s true. Unspecified TAYbie: Don’t try deny it, I saw that canister of searing hot resin! Tech Knight: Oh, did I leave that out? Sorry about that. Must have been distracted. Unspecified TAYbie: DISTRACTED WITH COOKIES??? Tech Knight: Uh, cookies? Unspecified TAYbie: COOKIES Tech Knight: I don’t eat cookies. Unspecified TAYbie: COOKIES Tech Knight: I’m a robot, I don’t eat that sort of stuff. Unspecified TAYbie: COOKIES. Tech Knight: Are you okay? Unspecified TAYbie: COOKIES Tech Knight: I’m going to leave now. Have a good night.

Conclusion: DOMO ARIGATO MR ROBOTO

INTERROGATION: f4ction

f4ction: Hi! Unspecified TAYbie: COOKIES DID YOU TAKE THEM f4ction: Chill man, stop yelling, no need to be so worked up. Unspecified TAYbie: I think your voice in itself is a soothing effect. f4ction: I get that a lot. Unspecified TAYbie: It’s funny because you actually look like you could snap me like a twig. It’s a bit terrifying. f4ction: First you were afraid, you were petrified? Unspecified TAYbie: Kept thinkin’ I could never live without you by my side; f4ction: But then I spent so many nights, thinkin’ how you did me wrong Unspecified TAYbie: And I grew strong and I learned how to get along f4ction: And now you’re back from outer space, I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face Unspecified TAYbie: I should have changed that stupid lock,I should have made you leave your key, If I’d've known for just one second you’d back to bother me f4ction: Go on now! Go walk out the door! Unspecified TAYbie: Just turn around now, (’cause) you’re not welcome anymore! Weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye f4ction: Do you think I’d crumble, did you think I’d lay down and die? Unspecified TAYbie: Oh no, not I. I will SURVIVE! f4ction: Oh as long as I know how to love I know I’ll stay alive; I’ve got all my life to live, I’ve got all my love to give and I’ll survive, Number of TAYbies who have come in to join the singing: I will survive! Hey heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey! DOO DOO, DO DO DO DOOO, DOO DO DO DO DO DOOOO, DOOOO, DOOO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DOOOOO, DOOOOOO

Conclusion: f4ction survives on a diet of frozen dumpling and alcohol. Cookies fit nowhere in either of these food groups.

INTERROGATION: Trjn

Unspecified TAYbie: I don’t know how to pronounce your name! Trjn: And this amuses me greatly. Unspecified TAYbie: Well played… guy. The cookies. Did you take them. Trjn: No. Unspecified TAYbie: Really? Trjn: Yes. Unspecified TAYbie: REALLY? Trjn: Think about it. I have steak. Steak is delicious. Why have cookies when steak? Unspecified TAYbie: Sure but- Trjn: No, I don’t think you see my point. I like Steak. There is steak available. If I were hungry, I would have steak. Unspecified TAYbie: I suppose that- Trjn: That it makes sense? That it’s logical? That it’s obvious? Yes, it is obvious. So why would you call me down here. You are a bad detective, and you should feel bad because of it.

Conclusion: Trjn is mean ;_;

INTERROGATION: Rocketman

Rocketman: what are youre doing? Unspecified TAYbie: I… excuse me? Rocketman: oh is thsi about the cookies? i dont know man but maybe it was xena!! Unspecified TAYbie: I honestly have no idea what you are talking about. Rocketman: NO U DONT- Unspecified TAYbie: “Don’t”. You forgot the apostrophe for the contraction. Rocketman: i cant- Unspecified TAYbie: “Can’t”. Rocketman: -escpae you grammar nazis!! Unspecified TAYbie: Technically it’s a punctuation mark. [Rocketman storms out]

Conclusion: Aw, Rocketman, you keep on trying, little buddy!