Bless your heart.

Melissa,Mommy, 25. Texas!

[travellermee]

[satanstrousers]

One of my friends asked me the other day if I would suck one thousand dicks for a billion dollars, and I love questions like that because not only are they so demonstrative of the no-homo society we live in, but they also show a fundamental lack of understanding that some people have for the value of money. Like, do you realize just how much money one billion dollars is? Do you realize I could live my life in the lap of luxury buying literally everything I could ever want and still have a fortune to leave to my children?? For sucking some dicks?? We are talking 1 million dollars per dick sucked!! That’s just economical like come on man.

[seauxamerican-deactivated201705]

1 billion dollars and all you’d have to do is suck a dick every day for the next 2.7 years. That’s it. Plenty of people already do that. You could quit your job and literally suck dick for a living. You could suck two dicks a day and only have to suck dick for 1.4 years. You could suck 5 dicks a day for about 6 months. 5 DICKS A DAY FOR 6 MONTHS FOR A BILLION DOLLARS, OF COURSE I’LL FUCKIN DO THAT. THAT’S THE DREAM, THAT’S FUCKIN HEAVEN.

[ginnymcqueen-deactivated2017043]

And I’m over here doin’ it for free like a fucking asshole.

[squided]

fuck i have been underselling my services by about one million dollars per blowjob.

[talknerdyytome]

officer: license and registration

me: *hands officer a card*

officer: this is a get out of jail free card from the game of monopoly

me: yes

officer: you got lucky this time, have a good night

[harrypotterdailly]

[tastefullyoffensive]

[girl-trying-to-escape-reality]

Unfortunately

[grandeperfect]

If World War 3 happens, we will not be studying it, we will be in it.

A tweet that really scared me (via reshipped)

[chocolatebarpalette-deactivated]

if Nicki called me out like that I would never leave my house again

[bromar-deactivated20130912]

[shavingryansprivates-deactivate]

get a hold of yourself tropicana lemonade

[c-urs-e]

[catssurroundme]

[sexhaver]

old golden retrievers are one of the purest forces of good on this planet

[canadad-deactivated20171111]

whats it like getting 8 hours of sleep every night

[canadad-deactivated20171111]

vulpx this reply needs its own hall of fame imo

[subliming]

[drunkroosters]

meg, that sunflower’s gonna fucking die

[duoachievement-deactivated20220]

#they face the sun for a reason lmao im cryin

[angrymysticarchive-blog]

[lesbiancyborg-deactivated202001]

#I wish I could love myself the way Stitch does

[yvvxv-deactivated20180523]