There is Nothing More Important than the Virus

[tampabaycray]

Keeping Up with the Vaccinations in Florida

Do you have a sick obsession with knowing how many people have gotten the rona vaccine? You can have a look at the Florida Covid-19 Vaccine Tracker to keep yourself updated, since you have nothing better to do.

https://data.floridatoday.com/covid-19-vaccine-tracker/florida/12/

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Florida Vaccine Database

There is no national vaccine--I mean, immunization--database. However, in Florida, you could have opted for the state to keep record. This makes it easier in case you lost that little piece of paper your parents gifted to you. Or, if you ever got vaccines on a military installation, they have a record for you as well.

But don’t you worry, when you get the rona vaccine, you are signing on to have your name in a database. It is part of the agreement for allowing them to experiment on you. What this also means is that if your name is NOT in the database, they know who you are, too.

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Religiosity

When I see Obama’s book openly displayed on your furniture piece, I become nauseous. Can we please go back to white Jesus?

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The Air is Different in Sarasota

S Osprey Ave, Sarasota, Florida: In this exquisite section of town where fine shopping can be experienced, one can’t help but notice that there are Zombies on the streets. What an eerie sight to see that masked individuals are outside parading around the area. I sat in my car for 5 minutes contemplating whether I should get out and risk being attacked.

In 10 minutes I did discover that in order to be in that section of town, one must join team Zombie for the duration of your OUTDOOR stroll. I figured it was because there are a lot of senior citizens in Sarasota--never mind any other human life.

So, I strapped up my chin, jumped out the car, and ran into Fifi’s where I could be in the comfort of sane, indoor Zombies.

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When It Comes to Spreading the Virus, Make Sure You’re on Top

In yet another warning about how we could die from living, your doctor, chiropractor, massage therapist, acupuncturist, and dentist are in the superior position to pass the virus to you. Maybe you both should just stand up. It is more difficult, but it still feels good.

[tampabaycray]

Walmart is the New Sam’s Club

Walmart, Wimauma, Florida: The Walmart police sits at the entrance, giving head nods, and sometimes smiles and/or greetings, while counting patrons. Upon exiting however, the police may stop you and check your receipt. As you submit to this, I will walk around to the other side while you delay others who follow your lead. Do you not think that this is disrespectful after you have spent your hard earned stimulus check at the main store that has been open during the entire pandemic? I thought All Lives Mattered.

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Opposition to Reparations

Please inform us of the Jewish persons who opposed reparations for the Holocaust victims, the Japanese American persons who opposed reparations to the victims of the Japanese internment camps, and the Native Americans who opposed reparations for the the various tribes whose land and personhood was stolen. We will be collecting monies for the church building fund from said persons.

[tampabaycray]

Strawberry covid Festival Madness

I have been to the Strawberry Festival for a number of years over the course of more than a decade. I have never seen that many people--evidenced by the number of people standing in line for kiddie rides.

Since the Hillsborough County covid ordinance states that it is for INDOOR businesses, I guess the Festival couldn’t get away with lying about masks being legally required (like Publix and other stores do). But they did strongly recommend them. Also, you couldn’t get into the candy tent without a mask. Who the fruck needs candy when you have chocolate bacon and donuts? People have FOMO.

Overall, I’d say that masks were 50% in use by people walking around outside in the country-fresh air, sun, and 70 degree daytime weather. The presence of hand sanitizer was generous [as it always should have been]. And the UV body sanitizer thingy was like, weird af. People will do anything.

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Risky Behaviors are Okay

People have been traveling to here to Florida to get their virus vaccine. Hold the fruck up! I thought y’all were afraid of Floridaman; hated Big, Dumb Desantis; and wouldn’t shut up about the Floriduh Death Toll.

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Hillsborough County, Florida Mask Ordinance

Many of the stores post signs that state that masks must be worn to enter the store, per Hillsborough County’s Mask Ordinance. But, has any one person--business or customer--ever read the ordinance? I have since day 1, which is why I walk about in utter confusion.You might be surprised about the way in which you have been fooled by businesses around town.

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Fuck Your Teeth

Aspen Dental, Ruskin, Florida: I was the first patient at the dentist once life restarted post virus shut down. They had asked me if I wanted to occupy this special position. No problem. The history in this country tells me I’m an optimal candidate.

Fast forward to the present post apocalyptic virus scene: they wouldn’t even see me, or my teeth. Not because my breath was stank; but rather because they refused to take my temperature through my wrist (as I requested), and refused to accept my own temperature check (thermometer in my bag). The desk police informed me that they were required to shoot me in the head. And I didn’t want to put my hands up, so they refunded my co-pay, and I exited the building.

[tampabaycray]

Exclusive Panty Shopper

Tampa Premium Outlets, Lutz (Sorta Wesley Chapel), Florida, HANESbrands: I was just trying to look at some panties right quick. The poor, young Sales Associate told me that I couldn’t be in the store with the mask off my nose. I told her I could not pull it up and that I would just leave because I didn’t want any problems. She said it was her manager’s policy while I proceeded to exit. Then, she changed her mind and said since no one was in this store but my guest and I, we could stay for the moment. I didn’t need panties that badly and my money told me it was comfortable staying in the bank...for the moment.

[tampabaycray]

When Do You “Have to” Wear a Face Covering?

According to Hillsborough County, Florida’s mask ordinance:

Any time you visit the indoor portion of a commercial, for-profit, or non-profit business that provides goods or services to the public and you are not maintaining social distancing (at least 6 feet) from others, excluding family members or others residing in your home.

Did you know that?

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Do I Still Have to Wear a Shirt and Shoes?

Pre-pandemic, we couldn’t go into the store and be served if we lacked a shirt and shoes. Now, we cannot go into the store without a mask. So now that I have my mask and gun, can I ditch the previous requirements?

[tampabaycray]

Sarasota Does a 180 mask trick

Previously, you had to wear masks while shopping--even outside in a certain shopping area of the city. Now, Sarasota is leading the charge to have people decide whether or not they want to wear a masks. What nerve they have!

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Protect Yourself from the Air

I see people outside walking their dogs, jogging, and riding bikes with masks on. There is no one else around them. The temperature ranges from 70 to over 80 degrees. Is there something in the air that I do not know about? Maybe I should ask Fiddo.

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Exercise Your Face

Pinellas Park Middle School, Pinellas Park (Kinda Sorta St. Petersburg), Florida: Students outside during PE during a nice Floridian 80s day. Circling the track--the option for those who detest engagement--walking and talking with their masks on.Maybe sweating out their faces will aid in weight loss. Kinda looks like a punishment.