This photo was taken just two days before he got unwell, 3 days before he passed.
This is a little jumbled as Ive come back and forth adding to this over the weeks.
On Monday the 10th of July, 2023 I threw a bone out the back for Yoko to chew on. He spent hours chewing away on his cushion. At one stage his back legs were hanging back off the cushion as he was gnawing and I said to Kori about him "living his best life".
Later that afternoon, I looked over while cooking dinner and noticed he vomited at the back door. So I went searching the house. In the past when he has had an upset tummy, he vomits on beds which was always so frustrating. Sure enough, he'd vomited on both Eli and Indi's bed as well.
That night I slept so lightly (because he was on our bed) and I feared him waking and vomiting or going out to the couch to vomit.
Our house doesn't allow us to block him out anywhere like our old house did so we kind of had no other choice. He had never slept a night outside either so that wasn't an option.
I woke about 3am when he jumped off the bed and he went to the couch and started dry reaching so I sent him outside. I stood freezing my tits off for a good half hour while he came in and out to eat grass.
We went back to bed eventually. And Tuesday morning, he was a little quiet and slower then usual but still seemed in good spirits. Nothing majorly concerning, just wasn't himself. He was drinking lots of water but hadn't eaten since the bone.
He didn't vomit until around 2pm and then spent the afternoon on his bed. It honestly didn't cross my mind that anything more concerning was happening because over his 10 years, he has had periods of being unwell like this. But I imagine, had it continued another day or 2, I'd have been more concerned.
At 7pm when I put Harlow to bed, he came out and jumped up on the couch with the older two kids so we let them stay up longer to sit with him because he looked really sad. He started to become really lethargic around this time too (which is when I actually started to become concerned) and was drooling a lot and the kids started worrying.
I assured them that he will be okay and that I would take him to the vet as soon as I'd dropped them to school in the morning unless he perked up over night.
I ended up having to go back into Eli because I could hear him still sobbing. And I remember saying that we really didn't know anything and that he has had times like this before but we shouldn't stress until we get more answers in the morning.
I wrapped Yoko up in his bed to rest and kept checking in on him. I had noticed his tummy was pulsating rapidly. And it was about 9pm when he got out of his bed and walked out to us before collapsing on the floor. I sat with him on the floor and tried to get him to drink some water. It was at this point I said to Kori "I actually think he is dying".
And from there we took him into our bed on his cushion. And rang the after hours vet. This was about 9:20pm.
The closest place we could take him was a 35 minute drive and we spent 15 minutes tossing up the logistics of taking him to afterhours. Only 1 of us would have been able to go while the other stayed home with the kids. Realistically they wouldnt do any tests or surgery at night on a dog, they would possibly give pain relief and that's it even though he didnt seem to be in much pain. He was just sleepy. So we decided to just wait until the morning and I was happy to stay up with him all night. Thankfully we did because he wouldn't have made it to the vet and only 1 of us would of been there while he died in the car.
I started filming him because he was twitching and having periods of convulsions. But it wasn't long after that we actually realised that was because he was so close to dying.
He started taking some deep breathes and I comoletely lost it. I was howling and repeating "oh Yoki, oh Yoki". Kori started sobbing too and then he asked if we should wake the 2 bigger kids. I couldnt think straight enough to decide if it was going to be too traumatic or something they would need. Thankfully he made the decision on his own and went and woke them.
Once they came in, I'm pretty sure Yoki only had one more breath before it was his last.
We spent the next 2 hours sobbing together and talking about all the memories of him. I've never cried so hard in my life.
At around 11:30, I said to the kids that we will have a hot chocolate to help melt our stuffy noses away and try and get some sleep. They slept in our bed which was torturous. I never sleep well with the kids in the bed so at around 2am, I got up and went to Indi's bed but I couldn't get comfortable and I was literally an absolute blubbering mess so I got up and sat on the couch instead.
I was in desperate need of panadol but we'd left Yoko in his bed at the back door and I couldn't bring myself to walk past him. So I eventually just fell asleep sitting up on the couch.
In the morning, Kori came out to me on the couch and we sobbed some more. The kids got up and we sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.
Harlow got up and was a little confused but we tried to explain to her as best we could.
Once the vet opened at 8am, we rang and let them know we were bringing him. We all decided to go, after much debate. And say our last goodbye. It was so fucking hard.
We got the information for cremation and Kori headed to work for a few hours because money was going to be tight with cremation fees.
The kids stayed home and the day was so morbid. We all ugly cried, on and off for the whole day. Even Harlow was copying us and joining in too despite not understanding why.
The following week, waiting for Yokos ashes was heartbreaking. Everytime I drove home, from anywhere, I would sob knowing the house was empty when I got there. Harlow would walk in the door and say "hey yoko". And my anxiety when the post man knocked on the door with out the warning of a barking dog was a BIG adjustment.
I was picking up Indi from school a week and a half after he died. Eli was going home with a friend and Kori was getting his late birthday tattoo when I got the call that his ashes were ready to pick up.
We agreed that the girls and I would pick them up so he was back home for the weekend and just to get it over with.
But what I hadn't thought about was how confusing the vet would be for Harlow. When we pulled up in the car park, Harlow yelled "YOKO" with a shreik of excitement which literally peiced a hole in my heart forever. She thought we were bringing him home in 1 peice.
The empathetic looks in the vet brought lumps to my throat and it felt wrong to be paying money in exchange for my dog in ash.
We brought his cushion home. And his collar. His fur clippings and paw prints.
Harlow cried for 10 minute straight once we were home, repeatedly asking for Yoko. And the only thing that calmed her was sitting on his cushion in the sun with her Bun.
The girls and I had hot chocolates again and talked of fond times.
When the boys got home, they cried seeing Yoko's things.
It's now been over 4 weeks since he died, and it doesn't seem to get easier. I definintly think I'm taking it the hardest. I cry all the time, and everyone else has moment of sadness but not really the tears like I do.
I still cry most nights coming home from work knowing there won't be an excited little Yoki Bubble to step on as I walk in the door.
My heart still breaks when we walk in the door and Harlow has forgotten and says "hey Yoko".
The Sunshine shining on our bed lacks purpose when there is no little fluff to soak up the rays.
The little paw I used to pat as I drifted off to sleep has been gone without enough warning.
And I miss smelling your little popcorn furr. Your collar jingles and nail tappys on the floor boards.
The house is empty, even when its full.
The house is littered with more crumbs and food scraps that I had never noticed before. And the bin hasn't been raided since you left.
It's so quiet without you.
I honestly never ever thought I would take his death this hard. I think I thought we'd have more years to prepare and we would watch him age more. I think i just always thought he was just a pet. But he was so so much more then that.
The weeks are passing by quickly and I still haven't finished typing this up. It's been over a month. I see people's beloved pets everywhere and Harlow often wants to spot the dogs out the car window. I never noticed these things so painfully before... I don't even really like dogs but my heart feels a little empty without one.
We talk often about our next dog, and I can't wait to love another special little guy like I loved Yoki. But my heart also can't bare the thought of ever having to go through another pets death. And then there are also thoughts of weather we'd ever love another pet as much as we loved him.
I finally brought a special box to keep his things. And it feel so right to have all his things in the one place.
I wish I could spend just one more time picking him and disrupting his snooze so that I could smell his little popcorn feet, look at his little overbite and give him a snuggle. Or just one more.time sunbathing on my bed with him.
I literally miss him so much.