tangibleghost @tangibleghost - Tumblr Blog

the valley is in fall 🍂

be sure to prepare well for winter!

I had my first sex as a queer man last night! And I picked the right kinda guy for it cuz we are friends, he's kind, sweet, and considerate. We has butter chicken with broccoli and I made the lime cheesecake for dessert. We watched Alien Romulus and after we brushed our teeth. Then at the bed R started to undress, so then I did too and then he was naked and so I got naked too. We went over to the bed and the position of when we cuddle and sleep and then we kissed and then massaged eachother and then it just happened. It was so much better than the first time in a hotel next to a sleeping friend and I couldn't get it in because I hadn't had sex for 6 years and was practically closed up. That one hurt and I felt I needed a wheelchair so I KNEW I had to practice a bit on my own before another go. So I did and omg...thank fuck I did cuz it got little wild! And we both climaxed this time and had a good sleep. In the morning he made me breakfast and we watched Futurama. His tire had a leak so patched it at the shop down the hill and he drove me home no problem.

We grew on eachother. Im glad we did. Im Having a lot of good clean fun and I feel happy and healthy. I am so glad im at the age im at.

Words can not explain how right he feels for me and with me. I love his family and friends too. He lives a good life. I am doing better than some. Im going to college so thats good. I want to be good enough for him. Maybe im too down on myself. I dont think this has happened before. Ive never been infatuated and liked back. They're respectful, kind, affectionate and attentive. They say the same about me. Why are we mirroring eachother? Is this a mating dance type thing for humans? It feels natural and super natural at the same time.

Maybe something is happening.

Im scared to love someone so deeply and another fear, strange, is to be loved in return.

Ive never felt that. Loved whole.

I met him and I dont know why.

Hes so similar to me. His differences are so beautiful. Why did I meet him? Why do I feel like I want to crawl into his skin? Why do I already love him? If we were to love each other so soon that would take the fun out of it. I want to grow and cant wait to grow. But Im scare to be cut down again.

So I will just play it how I would and see how it ends up. I cant change me but I can do better with my reactions.

But why does he remind me of my dad's Ukrainian background? My dad also raised 3 kids alone. They look like someone I need in my life, and want in my life, but I just met them so I will let it bloom as it wants.

Besides life is probably bigger than some infatuation. Who know what the bigger picture is.

I have to beleive and hope there are good people that exist that will heal those who were broken.

love-for-boys

My eyes always can't believe how beautiful someone is. I get hypnotized. Its probably just the borderline disorder talking.

I feel privileged to meet people more and more amazing.

What I learned from knowing Rowan and Sorcha:

Demons can come in all shapes and sizes, especially angelic.

Title: Pool Men

Medium: Digital

Artist:Casper Cherwonogrodzky

#queer #lgbt #queerart #gay #gayart

I am experiencing something new i have never felt before. I feel like I normally met this guy at a drag show and we normally talked online before. And now we normally hang out together and are getting to know eachother. We are both too terrified right now, but we are both interested but waiting to see what it is. He is so honest that he did mention what the steps before sex would be and of course it would be spontaneous, but discussed first. He says he likes me and is protecting himself still so thats why the mixed messages, but he is open to things develop naturally.

My brain screams " warning! You've heard this before!" But there are things he gives that makes me feel safe. He is direct he doesn't know, he is direct he will not hurt me, he will let me know exactly where things are. We trust each other and we talked so easily.

Im excited for what could be, I am.axcited for what it is now. Im the most level headed I've ever been and for some reason this feels like me.

What I am scared most of all is not being good enough. I am also scared we are too different. He is a cowboy and Im Aboriginal, Im city he's country, but we do have things in common as well like we both like Nastypig clothing brand, we're both pansexual, both the same age, I dont even know whether to worry or not on this..I am just going to let this one carry me and see what grows.

I dont know if its just the association but when I think of Ross my brain stops running and starts breathing. Its new feeling of calm with someone I like rather than obsession or a high. I am able to control my emotions better with him, although I need a lot of work for getting attached too easily.

Its just easy with him. Equal with him, straight forward, calm, mature, proper.

He has family that own farms close by.

He says my name sweetly. I am happy when he is near me. He has a beautiful face and has red hair and light eyes. He reminds me of a bull more than a bear. He does everything perfectly and what blows my mind is he is always positive. Im sure he has moments like everyone but so far I am jealous of his patience and calm. Hes a beautiful man and I've noticed he puts himself down due to his weight and I dislike it because he doesn't realize how good he looks. I dont know if he likes me back. We went on a gay camping retreat, we've eaten dinners together, walked around together, and soon a movie together.

We've danced on the dance floor and I heard from people he wanted to ask me so I went and asked him to dance. Pink pony club, some country which he loves and watermelon sugar high. Summer days n nights. Ross is amazing.

What's weird about pain is that you can hide it from different people. Fake it until you make it can sometimes work. While you have a fresh coffin for a peice of your heart you can turn to another road and see things flourish. I have amazing queer friends and I have 1 close circle and a 2nd that is like a beehive of queers that work together and discuss big issues and city things. My close circle does drag shows. Maybe I'll put something together as a drag person. I am still an alcoholic and depressed but Im finding it easier and easier to forget.

Im going out with a 4th generation cattle rancher who is ginger, beautiful smile, a paralegal, and is considerate towards me.

That makes me feel lucky.

In the first sushi date I mentioned I am an Indian and He's a cowboy lol.

Its going well.

One day when heartbroken and depressed I decided to go to a drag show by myself because I was given a free ticket.

When I got there I was sat at a table and after a few minutes a man was sat at my table. It was Ross, a man I had been talking to on and off on different social media. He apparently knew one of my old flings as a mutual. It was a lovely show and It was like a great introduction to eachother. Serendipity and God held me up. Thank you Ross for taking my mind off of things that hurt too much.

I went on a sushi date and today we went for Mexican food and I tried a desert I've been dying to try "flan". Caramel mmmm.

Now Im waiting to hear back if we can go on a camping trip together for lgbt+ people.

I trust him because he's kind and very successful and is very mutual in every decision. Its nothing I've seen before. Hope this opens me up into the world of gay men since I already know the lesbian side. How interesting to know 2 sides of the rainbow. Here I go and jump in.

nevver

Word on the street, Felix Gonzalez-Torres

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