Why I Care About Marriage Equality
When I was 13 years old, in my first year of secondary school education, I read a section on my secondary school’s booklet which gave an outline on the SPHE education students could expect to receive. A few brief sentences were dedicated to homosexuality; mainly a warning that homosexuality would be discussed in class (it never was), however it was not be ‘promoted’ or offered up as a viable alternative lifestyle. Whilst I can happily say the staff of the institution themselves were lovely, progressive people, as a kid who was right in the middle of realising that my feelings were something that could result in people not particularly liking me, those words resonated harshly. The idea that my sexuality was something that could be promoted like a hairstyle or a fashion trend made me feel like I was choosing to be a problem. I’d done my research into sexuality and I saw the issues that befell someone for being LGBT. I was already a socially awkward mess of a young person and now I felt like I was choosing to bring this lifestyle upon myself. Every time I thought about my undying love for Hayley Williams or I considered a girl attractive, I got extremely angry at myself. I thought I was being lazy and attention seeking and dramatic and I hated myself for it. I told a handful of friends how I felt and that entirely backfired as I was then isolated and ostracised, proving to myself everything I had thought about myself. For the next three years, through a mixture of other people’s treatment of me and my own constant sense of guilt, I struggled constantly with my mental health and treated myself awfully. I eventually moved school, walked straight back in that metaphorical closet, and pretty much stayed there until I reached UCC where, for the first time in my life, I’ve been surrounded by the most amazing people who’ve led me to a place where I’d feel comfortable being open about anything. That journey was one of the most stressful, painful paths my adolescence could have led me down and every time I share a Facebook post related to LGBT rights or I get smashed on a Wednesday in Chambers, I’m thankful that I survived it.
This week, I turned 20 and I’ve spent much of this week reading articles about the upcoming Marriage Equality referendum where, on May 22nd, Ireland will decide whether to grant equal marriage rights to homosexual couples as they always have heterosexual couples. The middle ground on this referendum want more emotion from the Yes side. They want us to bare our souls and our feelings and not just rely on buzzwords like ‘equality’ so we can protect ourselves from having to reveal the real emotions that motivate us to fight for Marriage Equality. They want us to leave our dignity at the door and beg for equality in the same tone as a reality TV contestant pleading to Simon Cowell for a record deal. They want us to prove ourselves and prove that we really deserve the same rights as the rest of the country.
Well, I hear that proof every single time I hear someone using the word ‘gay’ as an insult. I see that proof every time I kiss a woman in public and passers by make despicable comments. I witness that proof when I encounter time and time again discussions about how it’s legitimate for a shop to refuse to serve me because of who I may fall in love with. I fucking feel that proof when I look into the eyes of family members that I love and I know in my heart that, if they ever knew and when they eventually know, about my sexuality, the loving feelings they have towards me would evaporate in an instant. Not because they’re religious (my family have more faith in the Saturday tabloids than they do the Bible) but because society and mainstream, working class media tells them that I am a weirdo, that I am a flaw, a mistake, something to be ashamed of and something to be distant from, something to be judged solely by my sexuality and nothing else. I feel that proof every time I think of my teen years and the struggle that I suffered (and I still suffer) because we live in a society where people think it’s okay to discriminate against me because of who I can fall in love with. If you need proof of the emotions on the ‘Yes’ side, just have a small think about the 1000s of people who have stories like mine. Just have a think about the people who had it worse than me and, please, just think about the people who didn’t make it to their 20th birthday because Irish society arbitrarily decides to judge people by who they fall in love with. With every baseless claim about children that the ‘No’ side makes in an attempt to block Marriage Equality, you undermine the suffering and the pain of 1000s of people and deny them the right to be seen as equal in the eyes of their nation.
It took 6 or 7 years for me to be comfortable enough in my skin to not care what anyone has to say about my sexuality and to be not just out but to be a person who is extremely passionate about LGBT rights. The year I chose to come out was the same year that the Marriage Equality referendum came to the fore of social politics in this country. I’ve watched my legitimacy in having the same rights as my straight friends be debated and discussed and analysed to the point where I’ve become desensitised to the vast majority of abhorrent claims that have been made, claims that could amount to hate speech if they were made about any other minority group in society. But I’m willing to accept my rights being put to a referendum if it means we finally have a state where the majority of Irish people are happy to live and let live and don’t view me as a second hand citizen. However, it’s utterly terrifying to think of what will happen if we get a ‘No’ vote on May 22nd. The ’No’ side will not only have been given an extremely public platform to air their views, those views would be justified and accepted by the people of our nation. Those views would be accepted as the status quo.
This is not just a referendum on marriage and love (that should be enough, but seemingly it isn’t). It is not about religious people versus non-religious people. It’s about the 14 year old school girl who is coming to terms with her sexuality, watching her television and seeing that her country views her as lesser. It’s about that girl hearing the views of people like Theresa Heaney being justified on a national level and believing that she is unnatural and weird and that she should hide the fact that she has a crush on Taylor Swift for fear of being hated. It’s about that girl’s classmates forming their opinions on LGBT people based off the fact that their friends and family have said no to accepting homosexual love as the same as heterosexual love. It’s about the terrible time that girl is going to have growing up gay in Ireland when, this year, we could set the wheels in motion of removing the stigmas attached to sexuality and ensure a much better, more accepting future for the generations of people after us. If you want emotion, you’ve got it. Let’s make this a better, more accepting world.
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