Sometimes spanking is the ultimate part in a sexy foreplay. There are several things that make it so appealing. On a physical level, spanking increases blood flow towards your bottom and to the genitals, so the sexual arousal is increasing.
A lot of people find it taboo, which is a big turn-on, and of course, it's all about domination/submission thing, when one of you is ‘powerless’ to the whims of the other.
Whether you enjoy the hot and forbidden sensation of a smacked bottom or the opportunity to explore your submissive side, spanking can be a great way to spice up your sex life.
So what should you do if you want to introduce spanking into your love making, but you’re not sure how to suggest it, or even if he will want to? Don't worry, spanking is something he will deffinetly agree to. Or the other way around.
For s start you can watch a film such as Secretary starring Maggie Gyllenhaal, to test his reaction. Or, if you’re feeling brave, you could whisper that you’ve been a naughty girl and need to be taught a lesson.
It's a common belief that all men love spanking, however many are brought up with a belief that they should never hit a woman, while others feel unsure about taking a dominant role. It is not necessary for a man to spank a woman. Sometimes man enjoy being spanked themselves.
It is always good to concentrate on a foreplay before you bring out the paddle. If you’re not aroused, a hard smack on the bottom is likely to hurt – and result in a cold hard stare rather than moans of pleasure.
"Don't even think about starting the session until you’re fully aroused," warns sex expert and author of Superhot Sex, Tracey Cox.
The more aroused you are, the more receptive you'll be to erotic pain. That also means you should stop spanking the minute your arousal level falls, she says.
Spanking games lend themselves perfectly to sexy role play. Dressing up and pretending to be someone else for a few hours allows you to explore more intense turn-ons and can be amazingly liberating.
"Never underestimate the power of dressing up or having a few sex props," says Pam. "It can help you get in the mood and give you the courage to bring your sexiest scenarios and fantasies to life."
Not sure about dressing up? A boss and saucy secretary don’t take much in the way of ‘costume’ – or you could invest in a fun maid’s outfit and play master and servant.
So how should you start? If your partner is new to spanking, or you’re the one doing it, Tracey suggests running your fingers lightly over their buttocks, like you’re almost tickling them. "Then place one hand on a buttock cheek, the other on the genitals.
"Cup your hand slightly, keeping your fingers together and spank in a slightly upward motion. This feels better than a downward stroke," she says.
"Your first spank should be more like a caress than a slap. After you've dispensed it, massage the area for a few seconds and fondle the genitals."
Ready for more? Check your partner is enjoying what’s happening by reading their body language or using a code word or signal before you go any further.
All being well, consider increasing the strength of the spanks, aiming to deliver them a few seconds apart, and varying the intensity and frequency to heighten anticipation and arousal.
You could also introduce a blindfold for a little extra fun, or use different textures, such as a soft silk scarf, the furry side of a paddle, or a hairbrush.
Beginners are advised to start with bare hands (as it’s easier to judge the intensity and strength of the spank) but once you’re more experienced there are plenty of tools to try - including paddles, riding crops, canes and rulers.
Most erotic shops stock paddles that are fluffy on one side and hard on the other. Wrap one up as a present for your partner – a jokey prop can be a light-hearted way to give it a try.
While it’s best to start with a gentle slap on the bottom in bed, there are a variety of spanking positions to try – and being inventive with role play scenarios is half the fun.
Try over the knee, stooped over a chair, bent over and touching toes or on all fours, perhaps with their hands tied.
Encourage him to give you instructions, or, if you’re the one holding the paddle, tell him exactly what you want him to do to heighten the sense of helplessness.
If you want to expand your spanking skills, there are a number of courses, DVDs and books worth reading (as opposed to just being beaten on the bottom with!)
Naughty Spanking: Erotic Stories by Miranda Forbes will expand your fantasy repertoire and give you inspiration for new sexy scenarios. If you’re the one who likes to do the spanking, feed your fetishes with: ‘Princess Spider: True Experiences of a Dominatrix’.
Coco de Mer also offers educational salons on spanking. Take direction from Mistress Absolute who will ‘guide you through the do's, don’ts, pleasures and fun of spanking so you can safely and sensually spank and tease your lover
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