Unlatched

[fartherthanthewind]

I know what I promised.

I know what I promised. I know I’ve said I will never hide again. It’s too tiresome to do that but maybe this is what I’m really made of, broken promises. My broken promises.

I know what I swore. I know I’ve said that I will never lie again. It’s so easy to do that but maybe this is what I’m really made of, hidden truths. My hidden truths.

I know what I wrote. I know I’ve said that I will never close again. It’s such a tedious job to do but maybe this is what I’m really made of, closed doors. My closed doors.

I’m sorry for doing this to you.

[tapesandglue]

hello! My name is Ian at naintindihan kita sa post mo regarding sa training mo sa isang ospital about sa preceptorship program. Sa 3rd week ng November ay magiging preceptor ako at sana nga transparent yung naging preceptor mo sa ospital na yun. By the way, gusto ko sau i-share yung ginawa kong timeline regarding sa preceptorship.

Hi! I hope you would still be able to read this. I am willing to see the timeline you made. You can contact at me at my new blog. http://loggedletters.tumblr.com/

I'm no longer using this blog. I just saw a message in my email about your message and so I opened this to answer your inquiry.

Thank you for dropping by. And when you want to talk to me in my new blog, come off anon! Thank you and have a nice day! :)

[tapesandglue]

[tapesandglue]

[tapesandglue]

[tapesandglue]

[tapesandglue]

Alam niyo kung anong nakakainis sa mga tao? Maghahanap tayo ng kakausap satin kasi pakiramdam natin mag-isa tayo tapos 'pag may kumausap naman satin, biglang ayaw natin. Iyon pala, may mga specific na tayong gustong makausap. Kaya kahit na ilan pa 'yong kakausap satin, kung wala doon 'yong gusto nating makausap, sasabihin pa rin natin na mag-isa tayo. Muntanga no? 

[tapesandglue]

There's this way that I hug myself that I only do when I am depressed. I cross my hands in front of my chest then I hold on to my arms touching and reaching my back. And then I curl my knees towards my abdomen. That's when I lie in bed, giving myself the comfort I wish somebody else is giving me.

[tapesandglue]

I stand stark naked in front of a mirror while tracing with my fingers the scars that have accumulated in my body for 23 years.

The most visible and I think the ugliest is the one I have on my left knee. I got it from running around trying to catch up with my elementary classmates because they took my shoes with them. When I was in elementary, I always removed my shoes when playing so I played jackstones, limbo rack, or Chinese garter in my socks or sometimes, I would remove those too. It was easier to play without them. I think I tripped on something or I tripped on my own feet but I fell in the parking lot and the road there wasn't very smooth. What makes the scar ugly is the pores where body hair was supposed to grow got damaged so you can see the small dark circles inside a big circle, the whole of the scar.

I also have a scar on the inner side of right thigh. My cousins and I were climbing one side of our bathroom that was still on its way of getting done. We wanted to make fun of one of our cousins who was taking a bath then. The hollow block I was holding on to wasn't fastened properly yet and it was too late when I realized it was being rooted off by its position. I tried to look for something else to hold on to but I couldn't find one so I ended up falling on the floor together with the hollow block which fell on my right thigh. Good thing it didn't fall on my face. The bad thing was my mother really scolded me.

The last one I have is on left thigh. This time on the outer side. I got it from a minor surgical operation. I had a sebaceous cyst there before. It took three or four years before my parents were able to bring me to a general surgeon for consultation and eventually schedule me for the operation. All they gave me was local anesthesia. And the incision was very small though the end result was keloidal. I think there really are people that gets keloids with their wounds. I'm probably one of them.

These scars, they are nothing compared to what you left.

[tapesandglue]

Kapag nagbabasa ako ng libro, malalaman mo kapag nasasabik ako sa libro. Tumitigil ako. Oo, tumitigil ako kasi pakiramdam ko, sa sobrang kasabikan ko eh mag "speed reading" ako at hindi ko na mabasa ng maayos 'yong libro. :)

[tapesandglue]

Randomness

So we went to Vikings on Sunday, October 6 and I ate lots and lots and lots of food. I fell in love with lamb meat and scallops. Scallops is heaven! :) The negative side though is that my tummy is not in a good mood until this very moment. :( Gluttony is bad. :(

My sister's home in Ilocos Sur now. I hope they will go to Globe Vigan tomorrow so they can already renew our plan and get my new phone! :)

Next week, my shift will already be 1-10 PM and my sister will be 4:30AM-1PM so we won't be seeing each other for a week or two. :(

[tapesandglue]

"Sapat ka na talaga sakin. Di ka lang sapat sa sarili mo."

[pesterings]

[tapesandglue]

There are two ways for women to be  called sisters. One is the blood that flows within veins. Two is the love that binds one and the other. Whether the first or the second maybe the most important, blood has connected you and me but more so the affection you showered me. You are my sister and you've played the part more than perfect.

I love you, 'te! :)

[tapesandglue]

Over the years I lost innocence in my eyes and in my heart lost trust in every being that moves and breathes and made love complicated as in algebraic.

I've stopped being childlike.

[tapesandglue]

[tapesandglue]

unable to ink

There was a time I wanted to write anything about the war though I feared I'll never give justice to the fear of a little child as he holds on with his tiny fingers on his sister's hands 'cause his mother was captured by the rebels.

I thought I could write about the groom who never imagined that a goddess like his bride would think of tying the knot with a man who has only love to promise and to shower her with.

I read articles about dying to help depict what a mother must have felt to have given birth to an infant who no longer had the strength to breath to pump blood from his tiny heart while watching healer hands trying desperately still yet futile they seem.

Maybe I could write about old couples who held hands while walking at the park where they first met how the old woman accidentally poured coffee on the immaculate white shirt of the man who became her lifeline.

So finally I ended up writing about him the president who sleeps or rather never sleeps and walks around with the purpose to know the real situation of the place he's trying to build from ruins and hate yet I knew I'll never picture him perfectly.

There are things not even writers can ever paint.