hannah baker

hannah baker. 17. “but you can't get away from yourself. you can't decide not to see yourself anymore. you can't decide to turn off the noise in your head.” ( there will be a lot of suicide ( tw ) mention here; please be advised, all triggers will be tagged appropriately )

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kryptcnbcrn:

Looking around the area, Kara made sure that this would be the place that the DEO had sent her and sighed, picking up her bags once more, but as she did so, her quickly turning caused someone else to be hit in the stomach and eyes widened as she dropped them back on the ground. “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry! I totally did not mean to do that! Then again, who would purposely do that?” She questioned before shaking her head. “Are you alright?”

feeling nothing was TYPICAL for a girl like hannah. and when something flew at her stomach, it felt like a red hot coal tore through her stomach muscles. yet it felt like something until it trickled away like water slipping down into the drain of a sink. nothing. “it’s okay---” a mere whisper escaping her, “i should’ve been watching my step.” empty orbs stared at the bags that the other held, “do you need some help ??” it was the least the teen girl could do for her. seeing as hannah had no clue the other was just up ahead of her while she walked. “i find that i’m a pretty good helper.” especially to those who don’t give a shit about you, hannah. the thoughts were already tangled up within her brain. strangling her from any positive thoughts altogether. 

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timemiles:

     whittling is something that has, perhaps, gone out of style in the years miles tuck has walked the skin of the earth, but there is something near calming about the act of taking knife to wood until shape emerges. he had whittled for thomas when he was young - had formed doe and hound and bird from grain by candle-light. now he sits on bench with the form of a rabbit beginning to form as nimble hands carve the soft wood away, shavings slowly collecting in the paper laid across his lap.

“what do you have there ??” heavy orbs stared down at his moving fingers. finding it sort of therapeutic to watch as his fingers worked their magic. never in her life had hannah seen someone work so fast and with so much grace. “i never see anyone work with their hands anymore--- you’re really good !!”

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waywardaughtcr:

this wasn’t what claire wanted. hell, she wasn’t even sure how she was driving down a road in wisconsin one minute & then in paris the next. she had almost just became a werewolf & now this ? sometimes, she wondered why she couldn’t just catch a break. “ please work, please work — ” she said under her breath, fumbling with her phone in her hand, before pausing. if she called jody, what could she do ? come all the way to paris to pick her up ? no. claire wasn’t a kid; she could handle this — whatever this was. her next thought went to something dean had taught her: ask questions, gather information. she began making her way up to an enormous hotel, that just so happened to be right there. she made her way to the entrance, probably looking more lost than she had intended to. lost in her own thoughts, she almost bumped into someone. almost. luckily, she managed to stop herself before they could actually collide. “ sorry, ” she mumbled, stuffing her hands into her jacket pockets.

throughout her search for REASONS WHY ( which was ironic in her own mind ) hannah found herself lost. expression void of any sort of emotions besides confusion. eyes were forced down, watching the ground pass beneath her feet, all that unfamiliar ground gave her an uneasy feeling. dazed the girl accidently bumped another. “no--- i’m sorry, i just don’t know where anything is.” giving her a sympathetic expression. eyes moved toward the entrance of the rather large and well-lit hotel. “isn’t that lucky ??” in her mind, hannah was never lucky, she was just one unlucky person. if she were a number, 13 would be her number, always getting the short end of the stick. “wonder if anyone in here can help ??” noticing the same lost, wandering expression on the blonde's face. 

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lewiswithfangs:

Simon was so distracted with the map, that he almost ended up bumping into someone, he still didn’t know his way around, and would take some time for him to actually know how to walk around the town without a map. He knew he would get there eventually, but that would take some time, he would probably get lost a few more times, before he actually got the hang of it. “Oh gosh, sorry” even if he just almost bumped into her, he felt like he owned her an apology. “You seem pretty lost, you’re new around too?”

“it’s not every day you end up in paris---” letting out a very sad sounding sigh. wrapping her arms around herself; there was definitely a chill in the air, or was her skin too thin. coming back wasn’t really something she wanted. “i’m not supposed to be here...”

[blakelivey-deactivated20211026]

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blakelivey:

Hey, it’s Hannah. Hannah Baker. Don’t adjust your, whatever device you’re hearing this on. It’s me, live and in stereo. No return engagements, no encore, and this time, absolutely no requests. Get a snack. Settle in.

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ftdaisy: 

   daisy wandered aimlessly, attempting to get away from it all. it being the people, her thoughts, EVERYTHING. somehow she ended up in the center of what she was trying to get away from the most – the people. she was confused as to why and how she ended up in paris but she wasn’t mad about it. she was moreso distressed and the thing that upset her most was being away from the team, her team.

   as she was making her way out of the crowd she spotted the lost brunette. one thing that stood out to her was that she seemed puzzled. as much as she didn’t want to talk to anyone, she knew she had to help the girl. ❝ are you looking for someone? ❞ she questioned once she was close enough to the girl.

heart sank in her chest at the thought of ALMOST SPOTTING HIM. turning, hannah nodded, crestfallen expression dancing across her features. “i thought---- i thought i saw someone i knew ?? maybe it was--- just my brain playing tricks on me.” feeling a painful sort of pressure behind her right eyeball. swiping both palms over her eyes, hannah chalked it up to having no sleep for the last twenty-four hours. wandering the streets of paris to understand WHY SHE WAS THERE. “i’m just lost---- i guess. i’m not really sure how i even got here ??” again her face was full of stress and pain. 

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ofsomuchmore:

“Well, that’s quite alright.” she paused at the other side of the small pond, placing her hands upon her hips. An elated sigh fell from her lips, as she’d been trying to put her focus on doing something positive – not allowing her mind to wander too much with wonders, questions she had of where and how. Noting the other girl’s vacant expression, she stared with pursed lips before offering a small smile. “It’s a bit odd here, isn’t it? This place.” she asked, in hopes of keeping conversation.

“odd--- yeah, i guess you can say it is.” looking around, totally feeling the weird vibes the other was feeling. “like we’re not supposed to be here.” which in hannah’s case was completely true. people were walking around with smiles plastered on their faces, looking ridiculous. as usual, hannah’s expression was blank, void of any happy emotions. “at least the eiffel tower is nice up close ??”

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damnedsmiile:

 he had to be —- GOING INSANE, first he woke up around some funny voices surrounding him, only to later realize why those voices sounded so funny in the first place —- they weren’t speaking english, they were french —- or spanish, languages were never his strongest class or peak of interest. he was simply on the floor, feeling like how he had always felt most of his life, like he was HOMELESS. he had some coins surrounding him, making him wonder for how long he had been laying on that floor in order for people to actually consider him homeless. 

‘ no —- STOP. ‘ he finally shouted at the people surrounding him, his voice finally exiting his mouth after much effort to make any sort of sense out of this. he began walking, wandering around the streets of —- paris? ‘ —- i —- i’m in paris?! ‘ he concluded, sort of. as he found  himself in front of the eiffel tower after a much longer walk, he began to look around himself, in hopes to find a familiar face, panting as the panic installed in his body, knowing he had no one to rely on —- no familiar face, nothing, he moved a hand inside his pockets, but of course, they were empty. how was he meant to survive? hands running through his hair as he simply mumbled. ‘ no —- no, no —- this —- CAN’T be happening. ‘

was this karma? was he finally getting what he deserved? he began to think so, that —- somehow, hannah baker managed to get her revenge from the beyond —- that was until, a simple name was shouted aimlessly —- ‘ clay, clay! ‘ —- he heard, only one idiot he knew had that name, but also only one person he knew had THAT voice. ‘ fuck, you’re going INSANE now justin. ‘ as if, speaking to himself didn’t make that clear enough. ‘ he turned slightly, just a couple feet away from him —- there she was, eyes wide as he took a step back, this was definitely his head messing around with him, it just —- couldn’t be that he was staring at the one and ONLY —- hannah baker, right before his eyes, in the flesh or —- in his HEAD? 

orbs were heavy under her eye sockets; hannah felt more tired than ever before. wasn’t this just great ?? were all the jackasses in her life going to show up ?? sticking their middle fingers up, revenge for the harsh words, for exposing them for who they really were ?? was this her own personal hell ?? was she looking back at life ONE STEP AT A TIME ?? was justin the first she would see ?? 

everything stopped, hannah’s eyes were on him, unwilling to look away. as much as the girl wanted to run, she couldn’t. feet were frozen to the ground. an intense expression danced across her face. nothing about this seemed real, seems tangible. hannah wanted to take her hands and press them against his shoulders. maybe shake him if this were real. was this where she was MEANT TO BE ??

“justin----” managing to say the words out loud, sounding cold, voice was hoarse. “how is this possible ??” it felt like everything was closing in on her. even the eiffel tower felt like it would GOBBLE HER UP. hannah expected a black hole to swallow her up, sucking her into the darkness. something she yearned for. to sit in the abyss that was her own mind. 

something about this was SO REAL that this probably wasn’t true. “why am i here ??” questioning him, even when he looked distraught. did he have all the answers she needed ?? “how am i here ??” how was her body still on earth ?? hannah remembered the cold blade that danced across her delicate skin. how was she to face her past AGAIN ?? those tapes were her last battle cry. and now she had to face him. damned smile and all. 

[tarnishedreputationsx]

alexsttandall: 

his hand reached up to trail the old wound on his face, his eyes blinking at the eiffel tower that stood in front of him. this couldn’t be a dream, he never had a desire to go to paris and most of his nights had become too sleepless for him to dream. a brief flash went by him, something that felt familiar. 

chasing was something that he didn’t do, but his body and the pull of familiarity disagreed with him on the matter.  his eyes widened when he saw who it was. it was hannah, hannah baker someone who used to be his friend until he messed up. he didn’t know if was the best decision, but he wasn’t known for acting rationally. ‘’ hannah ?? is that you hannah ??’’ he called out, his head down and his eyes distant.

hannah could feel the nervous chuckle escape her. all of this felt surreal, like an out of body experience, and she was watching from above. bright, bleached blonde hair, familiar voice - it was alex. tape two, side a. hannah was named ‘best ass’ making her a target thanks to alex standall. giving any male in all classes the opportunity to speculate what it looked like underneath her jeans. it even made them all think it was ‘okay’ to grope a girl's ass. nice one, alex. 

“alex----” voice sounded far away, “you can see me ??” not that hannah was really surprised by this. arms tucked into herself as if to shield her from anything that would come out of his mouth. “is this my own version of hell ??” sounding monotone and sarcastic all at once. already a lump was forming in the back of her throat; she told herself not to get emotional, but already the tears were welling up in her eyes. 

[tarnishedreputationsx]

since i can’t post my ten paragraph description i’ll start with a few bullet points. please be advised, 13 reasons why deals with very serious subjects. && watch out for spoilers !!

hannah baker is seventeen years old

used to be quick witted, fun spirited, and was just a kind & gentle person 

until rumors went around about something that didn’t happen with a boy she only experienced her first kiss with

it escalated into hannah ending up on a list of hot/not list for having the greatest ass

which only made her reputation as a ‘whore’ more likely and people didn’t believe that she was anything but

more rumors circulated which can ruin someone’s life completely especially in high school 

hannah started to have low self-esteem and became moody/withdrawn

in the middle of all these rumors and chaos, there was one silver lining: clay jensen

despite liking him a lot, clay could not save hannah from her own thoughts 

towards the end of her life, hannah had started to give up. and in between giving up hannah experienced something that happened to one of her first friends. 

it tore hannah up inside because she just couldn't help jessica; she was in a state of shock & drunk. i think this was something that tipped her over the edge. i don’t wanna spoil this for anyone, out jessica may explain it better than i can. i’d like our jessica to tell the story of what happened to the babe :(

when hannah was feeling empty inside, she was willing to do anything to feel something. which led her into a similar situation as jessica, however; hannah knew full well what was happening. she had just given up on life. wanting to ‘live up’ to the reputation that people had built for her

which leads me to the good stuff: THE TAPES

hannah baker left 13 tapes for 13 different people; the people who led her to suicide. 

each tape explains how these people come into her story and what they did to get on those tapes

hannah wanted each person to feel how she felt. not caring about anything anymore because after she was done, it would be over, hannah would be dead.

there are so many emotions inside hannah baker, we just don’t know what type of mood she’ll be in on what day. she always had her ups and downs. she was severely depressed until something ALMOST GOOD happened which never lasted long. 

i’m sure this didn’t help in any way because i feel it was useless !! but that’s hannah. you should read the book and watch the show !! both totally a++ !!

[tarnishedreputationsx]

as her eyes stared up at the BEAUTIFUL, SPARKLING eiffel tower, hannah couldn’t help but wonder why ?? why did she end up here ?? not the after life, or the immense darkness that was hell ?? was paris where her soul belonged ?? despite still feeling dead inside, hannah still felt human, no one was WALKING THROUGH HER. hannah was very much alive much to her disappointment. 

among the bodies in the crowd, hannah thought she caught sight of clay. “clay ??” eyebrows knitted together as she began to weave through the crowd. maybe it was WISHFUL THINKING ?? but, she could have sworn she’d saw him. among the throng of bodies that now pushed her through the crowd. once out in the open, hannah looked around. confusion danced across her delicate features as she tried to locate him. “you’re not that lucky, hannah, you never have been the lucky one...” staring down at her boots with a morbid expression on her face. 

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kickslikeabitch:

“ sorry,  my  bad ” he  grumbled,  running  to  pick  up  the  fallen  arrow. “ i’m  still  getting  used  to  this  thing. ”

“do you always walk around with bows like a modern day cupid ??” quite confused as to why. it was starting to become hannah’s go to EXPRESSION AND FEELING. “i’ve never seen one up close before, actually.” eyeing it with curiosity. 

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piinkrcnger:

her  hand  grasped  around  the  door  handle,  giving  it  a  ( what  she  assumed  was  a )  gentle  tug  to  pull  it  open  only  for  the  wood  to  be  ripped  from  it’s  hinges.  such  a  mundane  task  RUINED  by  strength  that  she  was  still  somewhat  learning  to  control.  she  looked  back,  eyes  settling  on  a  figure  not  TOO  far  in  the  distance,  an  awkward  laugh  leaving  her  as  she  ATTEMPTED  to  think  up  an  excuse.  ‘ this  place  is  old,  right? ’  a  slight  cringe  at  her  t e r r i b l e  lie.  ‘ i  think  the  screws  were  just  a  little  loose. ’  yep. TOTALLY believable.

“you must’ve had your PROTEIN SHAKE this morning ??” teasing expression danced across her face. “screws, really screw you, don’t they ??” what was with the puns ?? come on, hannah, no more joking around. “i wish this explained how i got here ?? or why--- why would be really nice !!” shaking her head from side to side slowly. eyes pulled at the sleeves of her jacket which thankfully covered the scars on her arms. 

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isvbellelightwood:

She wasn’t in the institute, that was something Izzy had picked up on the second she woke up from, whatever just happened. It wasn’t anywhere she’d recognized after taking in the halls, until she found a window. She’d allowed herself to gaze out in wonder for just a moment, letting the reality of actually being in Paris of all places sink in before turning away from the window. "What’s going on?“ She asked as a figure came closer. “Where are.. what is this?”

“i’m-- the LOOMING EIFFEL TOWER is really telling me a lot of things except why. paris--- why--- why paris ??” expression was that of confusion because that’s what hannah was. confused. “i don’t know. i just have no answers---”

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ofsomuchmore:

“What’s the matter? Can’t keep up?”

“i’m not--- really up for it right now.” feeling so weak, so lost in a new world. again. every time hannah tried to solve things, everything got worse, and it just piled on. like a large pile of dirty laundry that everyone loves to ignore. “you go on ahead, you seem to be more agile than i am.” lips were pulled into a place, empty expression. 

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kalardandekar:

Kala had been wondering over the grounds, trying to figure out how she was actually there. Most of the time if she with one of the others, she would of disappeared back to India by now. She stopped walking when she found someone else and turned to them.“Hello.” She spoke.

“hello ??” eyebrows were pushed together, wondering what the hell was going on ?? everything was foggy in her own mind. judging by the tight pull of her muscles; hannah wasn’t supposed to be here. “i’m--- not sure where we are---” placing a palm on her cheek, letting out a distressed breathe. “how did i get here ??” not really asking the other woman, but she did want to know.