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@theartofmadeline
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art blog(derogatory)

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One Nice Bug Per Day
DEAR READER
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祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Not today Justin
YOU ARE THE REASON

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Kaledo Art
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@tartapples
I really wish I understood how the fanfiction communities work. Ah well... here's a thing I wrote. I'm still working on my cat boy au... just not making any progress. >>;;
Title: Outsider (Tao Centric) Rating: PG Genre: Fantasy, Superpower!AU, A bit of Angst Length: One Shot 3.5 K Summary: A thousand years pass in the blink of an eye. Time is relative as they say, but no matter what it keeps ticking away.
It took me a while to update, but I managed to finish it (read that as I forced myself to finish it.) The next part should be up much sooner cause I have a good chunk of it written. Hope you enjoy!
Title: Just Out of Sight (2/5) Pairing: BaekTao Rating: PG-13 Genre: Romance, Humor, Fantasy, Catboy Length: Chapter 1 (6.6k) Summary: Owning your first pet is a big responsibility, and Baekhyun is learning just how heavy a burden that can be.
I've been way busy with school. I'm still working on Just Out of Sight, my BaekTao thing, but on a whim, I wrote this short thingy. :>
Title: In Retrospect Rating: PG Genre: Angst / Melancholy, Slice of Life Length: One Shot (1.1K) Summary: A short introspective look at Zhang Yixing while he composes a song.
I'm working on a new fanfiction. This one is a BaekTao.
Title: Just Out of Sight (1/5) Pairing: BaekTao Rating: PG-13 Genre: Romance, Humor, Fantasy, Catboy Length: Introduction (6k) Summary: Owning your first pet is a big responsibility, and Baekhyun is learning just how heavy a burden that can be.
Let me know what you think. /whispers/ also FYI, I do take requests if anyone has any.
So I guess since I dared to post one of my fanfics on here. I'll do another.
Title: Well, that happened. Let's never speak of it again. Pairing: Kaisoo Rating: PG-13 Genre: Romance, Humor, Minor Angst, Smut, Length: Part 1 (5.1k) Summary: Interconnected drabbles featuring kyungsoo questioning his sexuality, almost sex with Kaisoo, and a blowjob from Suho not in that order.
so I uhh... wrote a fanfiction thing... Check it out if you don't mind. It's not very well written or anything but uh yeah...
Title: White Calla Lilies & Daffodil Pairing: Kaisoo Rating: PG-13 Genre: Romance, Horror, Humor Length: One shot (4.2k) Summary: Kyungsoo is the former owner of the now infamous flower shop where the bodies of ten missing people were found in the garden. Jongin discovered the bodies. Where do they go from here?
Sometimes I hate being half and half. I wish I could find similar features when I look at my friends. My features don't match white people or Chinese people, and I understand that there is no one way to look as a mixed person and that there are many ethnicities within the broad term Chinese, but in LA where everyone is proud of their culture and experiences life and finds themselves through it, I wish I could find a space where my face could fit in where I could share my experience but I know nothing of Chinese culture, and I hardly look Chinese to other people so it seems strange to them for me to want to be included and I just... I don't know. Sometimes being mixed doesn't mean you are pretty. There are ugly ones too and that is me.
I'm not a very happy person. Sometimes I get somber, and all I can think about is death and how much I loathe humanity (well really how much I loathe myself.)
And I'm sorry? I can't help that sometimes my mind floats to darker places in seconds. Someone once told me, "I just wish you were a happier person." I do too, but I'm not. So here we are.
I have a lot to say, but sometimes I lose my voice.
Sometimes I start to think about things that make me happy and inexplicably I start to get sad... like an overwhelming feeling of sadness washes over me in waves eventually my happy mood into a melancholy existence.
Honestly I feel like everyone I know sees me as that weird girl which bothers me a little.
I had a conversation with my dad a while ago.We were talking about some important stuff like my future career and what not, and we got to acting which is something I'm actually considering pursuing. He said something that's kind of been stuck in my brain.
"You've got a lot of talent, but you also have an edge to you. Most talented people are like that. They're talented but there's something real dark to them."
And I just got kind of quiet and didn't say anything. Our conversation continued, but it just got me thinking.
I kind of thought I hid it well, but the truth is I can feel it. I've noticed it seeping out through outbursts when I was younger, and I've got more control over it as I aged. Still, I can feel it, and sometimes I wonder if my close friends notice it. Do they sometimes pause or look at me and think, 'What's wrong with you?' Maybe it's a good way or a bad way, but is it noticeable?
The slight edge to my actions at times. How sometimes I feel like I'm on a different wavelength than most. My volatile anger that just bursts out at times. The deep sinking feeling of sadness that washes over me on a daily basis. I genuinely think I inherited my mother's madness, and it scares me a little.
I don't know what I'm saying. I just needed to get it out.
Books are like the ocean.
As you turn each page, you find yourself getting deeper and deeper into the waters. You find yourself trying to fight it, trying to stay afloat if the words are too coarse or hard to comprehend, but still you persevere and dive delving deeper into the story. You sometimes splash about in anger, sometimes find yourself floating along, sometimes swimming or treading water with anticipation, all the while never realizing you’ve left the sandy beach far behind. It is then that you begin to sink down into the story.
Then suddenly, you find yourself in a whirlpool of literature, words, sentences, fragments, characters crashing at you pulling you down deeper into the story choking you, filling you up as the pages swallow you whole. Each page turns, and before you realize it, the book has consumed you.
You’re sitting at the bottom of the ocean not having realized you were completely immersed the whole time. You cannot move, you cannot speak, you merely sit at the bottom of the ocean and let the words you’ve just read flow around you, flow through you, take you through its ebbs and flows, rocking you gently back and forth until you come to the conclusion that you’ve been consumed entirely and you cannot get out of the ocean with all the weight of the water, the words weighing you down.
And then as time passes, you rise out of the depths, but you’re never really out of the ocean. You’re merely standing with your feet in the sand, the waves constantly lapping at your feet. You feel the ripples constantly coming to you, washing over you as you reminisce about the depths, and wait until the next big wave comes and drags you down again.
Have you ever thought about what it means to have someone care for you?
I'm absolutely terrified by it. One of my goals in life at one point was to go through life leaving as small an indent as possible. I didn't want anyone to care for me or need me. I just wanted to be an island all by myself, because I felt safe that way. But then I realized, people do care for me. My close friends care for me a lot. It's an unspoken thing that you never notice until you're having a relapse and one of your friend's is so heartbroken by what you said. They're so devastated by the idea that you wouldn't be around anymore, and you can just imagine their face at that moment and suddenly you can't do it. You feel so bad about even thinking of the idea about killing yourself, because it'd hurt them.
And then you realize, they care about you as much as you care about them, and it's terrible. It's a horrendous realization that no matter how much of an island you wanted to be. No matter how much you've distanced yourself, they care and you can't do it. It's all you want, but you just can't.
Don't care about me. Please, don't care about me. I've worked hard to make myself fade in the background. Please don't care. I can't continue to move on and run away like I've always done when I realize you care. You've ruined all my plans. I just wanted to be alone, but did I?
Caring is creepy. Caring is terrible. Caring is... too much for me. I'm allowed to care about you, but you're not allowed to care about me. Please don't care about me. Please. Please. Please. Just don't care about me.
I really want to talk to someone, but then no one at the same time. :(
Like sad, sad, sad, sad.