Taser Gun Goddess @tasergungoddess - Tumblr Blog

‘What do your raven eyes see?’

‘Clouds, my lord. Clouds of crows. See there as they dive sharply. And indeed hear that the beat of thunder within the air is actually their caws in the darkening sky. Such a beautiful scene they make, my lord. I wonder where their destination lies and what their purpose is.’

‘Such beautiful sounds they have always made, if one is willing to listen. The sharpness of their cries is a cacophony to many, but within that noise is music that is sweeter than all the music ever played since the very dawn of time.’

‘But where are they going, my lord? Why do they fly together?’

‘They fly to the Raven King. The one who rules them all.’

tasergungoddess

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE, THERE IS BIRD SHIT EVERYWHERE.”

#I am not sorry

emmisnotshortforemma

thefrogman

[tumblr]

medschoolapplicant-deactivated2

found in a physics text book

johnskylar

Physics majors throw a lot of shade considering they’re still not sure where 95% of the universe is hidden.

kingoftheravensarchive

“You have such a way with words.” Sarcasm, clearly, but the sort of sarcasm that wasn’t necessarily meant to be rude.

tasergungoddess

"If you study my ways, you too can one day be at least a tenth as awesome at wordplay as I am, young Skywalker." Darcy gave a fake bow, smirking. As she spoke, plumes of frosted air floofed their way into the air like Gandalf's crack pipe. "You can't tell me that you like the cold any better, seriously?"

#[Darcy's RPer is dealing with a lack of working heaters]#[So darcy shalt bitch for me]

kingoftheravensarchive

“I’ve had enough with smart asses today.”

tasergungoddess

"Good, because I've had enough with dumbasses. Maybe we can find ourselves someone in the middle, and rejoice with hot coffee, to keep my adorably smart ass from freezing right off."

#kingoftheravens

diningwithdana

13 Things to Say in Front of the Mirror:

Why hello there, evil, gorgeous twin of mine.

Bloody Mary, check this out.

*swoosh imaginary cape and laugh diabolically*

There is a strong possibility I might be more pleasant to the eye than pizza.

By the looks of this, I shall bewitch many a mortal today.

Bowie’s got competition.

A selfie wouldn’t do justice.

I could wear anything today and still look like the world’s next diabolical overlord.

I am a personified dessert.

Activate partially dressed dancing.

Excellent manufacturing.

A+.

What a successful DIY project.

tasergungoddess

Another Day, Another $

sonxfthedevil-deactivated201610

One of the obvious downsides to being what he was: you couldn’t eat human food. I mean, he supposed he could eat it, but it didn’t taste nearly as good and the usual effects obviously did nothing to him. It did not fill his stomach and, more often than not, it made him a little queasy as his body tried to figure out what to do with an alien product that it once had thrived on. A pity, too, as he had really liked food when he was still a man. If he was forced to keep the vampirisim but was allowed to have one wish in regards to it, he’d wish to be able to eat human food again.

Thus, the waitress’ words made his lips purse in something of a disappointed expression, but he turned his eyes to the menu nonetheless to find something of use. “I suppose,” he began, head cocked. “May I have an extra rare steak, please? As bloody as you can make it, preferably, even if it is bordering on raw. To drink, I will just have a water.” As his menu was folded up properly, he turned his eyes to the waitress and visibly arched a brow upon noticing the remains of an obvious mess on the front of her shirt. Despite noticing this, he said nothing, and instead flashed her a charming smile before handing her his menu.

tasergungoddess

"Sadly, the only things rare here, are moments of dignity," Darcy said lightly. "Due to health restrictions, we cannot serve meat under Medium." Steering directly into her Try-to-Please-Customer-Anyway voice, she pointed to the Specials board. "Can I suggest the Tuesday Taco Special? Two beef tacos served with a side of rice and your choice of beans or a small chili bowl."

Rattling off the menu was the best way to keep her mouth from stupidly saying what she was actually thinking. Being, And what else can I bring you, Dr. Lector? A nice Chianti? Who asked for bloody damn steaks like that?

Still, he had a nice smile, so at least she had some eye candy for the shift. While she was covered in the Carrot Catastrophe, of course. Because heaven and that Asgard place forbid she have a clean uniform when there were crazy people with decent teeth around.

And now she half wanted to ask Thor how Asgardians took care of their teeth. Or Fandral. His teeth could blind the sun.

#[Sorry for the poor quality]

izzzzzzieeeeeeeee

Every time I go downstairs to the laundry room, this pigeon tries to seduce me.

antioch-ameno

"we have incompatible genitals" is now my favorite excuse.

naturepunk

Look at this adorable idiot trying to be all seductive and shit. I want like five of them.

marsfarts-deactivated20151107

i was in a public bathroom and looked in the mirror and said “i’m too cute to be so broke” and i thought i was alone but someone in a stall said AMEN

muscleluvr4-deactivated20140223

let me in ur friend group ill be that weird kid who occasionally says funny stuff and who nobody actually likes

ronanlynhcs

grimesoblivion

My class pretended to play dead.

tyleroakley

Just as the Mayans predicted, the apocalypse came with the signal of a cough.

quibbs

these middle schoolers read better than my high school honors english class

attackonsociallife-deactivated2

I REALLY HAVE TO REBLOG THIS IM SORRY THE FUCKING TEACHER

emodesertwitch

"Stop being dead right now"

appropriately-inappropriate

Wow, it’s almost like a fun and encouraging learning environment yields better results than tyranny.

I life this dude. Give him tenure.

consultingcupcake-deactivated20

What makes the friendship between Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis in the Marvel movies so entertaining and precious is that they’re like two cacti, sticking together through prickliness and hilarious flower pots, because that’s what cacti do.

nemhaine42

Steve had had more than enough practise with the shield to use it as a sled. It was, in fact, a really effective sled - the curve made a shallow track which got slippier with each run - and he’d put it to that exact use the very first winter he’d had it. That and all the inventive handling on missions made for a large showing-off repertoire that his fellow Avengers just couldn’t compete with. Clint toppled over sideways into a snow bank, getting snow up the back of his jacket, and Thor overshot and tipped himself head-first into an icy stream.

It got an especially good reaction out of Darcy too, when he used his weight to twist and turn their way down. She shrieked all the way down the hill and wrapped her arms tight around his thighs. She only pretended to pout when he stopped them in a big pile of snow and warmed her hands by shoving them up under his hoodie ‘in revenge.’ He didn’t mind if her hands lingered a bit longer than was needed.

—

Happy Christmas, Darcylanders!