Early June we went to Uniklinik Freiburg to get my breast biopsy and finally the diagnose: invasive ductal carcinoma with triple negative tumor receptors. I could only grasp that I got breast cancer at that time. Only in the upcoming weeks as I went to undergo too many blood tests, ultrasounds, MRIs and doctor visits, I finally understood that long and painful sentence (pun intended) meant. But in short, it is the rarest, the most aggressive, the highest grade with the poorest prognosis of all - or basically the most dreadful of all (read here if you don’t believe me).
My sickness.
What is sick about cancer is not the “disease” itself, as far as I experienced. It is the side effects of fighting it. I can explain why and so but that needs another post to tell. Nevertheless, these are the sickness that have been gracing me through the journey to date:
Fatigue - from just fatigue to super duper mega crazy fatigue;
Focus drops - the other day I went super fatigue after sitting down to focus in front of the computer just for 10 minutes;
Losing appetite and less tolerance to hot spicy food - gosh how I miss my fiery palate;
Weird taste of water - I could only comfortably drink Leistungswasser (basically tap water) from our bathroom upstairs from a plastic cup;
Nausea - MCP, Vomex, Zofran to the rescue despite a very uncomfortable risk;
Constipation - there you go;
Diarrhea - ironically followed by purgative herbal tea I must drink;
Sore mouth and throat - thank God for sage;
Fragile nails (my left thumb was bleeding today out of nowhere) with slight change of darker color from the bottom as per today;
and of course lastly, the very notable to many..
Hair loss :)
My therapies.
Today marks the sixth week since my first chemotherapy. This means I would get an ultrasound check if the therapy works. 0.3 mm of the tumor was apparently shrinking. I will keep manifesting every night that I will be cancer free forever, even before anyone know it. Even though according to the plan, it is going to be at least ten more rounds of chemo and of course the show must go on.. Suck to the core of the earth, you fckin cancer!
Chemo #1 - Epirubicin and Cyclophosphamide with Zoladex a week before.
Everything was still normal except for nausea and decreasing appetite until the third day: I had the worst ever bloated stomach. I was asking my husband if we should call an ambulance that night (it was that bad). The fourth day I fought back. I tried eating small (despite no appetite) and suuuuper slowly, drank cups of fennel tea (do this for gassy stomach, kids!) and.. finally, I went out to have a walk - those baby steps really helped! The rest of the week I rose to be a normal human being again. Until chemo #2 was coming.
Chemo #2 - Epirubicin and Cyclophosphamide with Zoladex three days after.
I expected the same but boy was I wrong. My bad days continued D+8, which was yesterday, by the way. Today felt a bit strange though, because I was down to doing everything full speed, my steroids effect got me only today. I was suspicious that it was that additional ghastly Zoladex given to me not long after EC. Anyway, the worst has passed by and I have only a few days until Chemo #3. I am going to seize them all..
PS. Reading now all cancer related books and comics. They are all depressingly fun and enlightening. Will talk about it some time later.
It has been a long time, my oh my. I was writing here and there on some diaries but I guess I just have to continue here.
So. We have been in Germany for four weeks to date. It was around a month ago that the team of a lot of doctors (calling themselves the Tumor Board) diagnosed that my lump was indeed a cancer cell, that carcinoma, or something poisonous if you may.
Only for a month we have been to sooo many doctor visits, body scans, blood checks and whatnot. And we are anticipating my first session of chemo in no time.
In brief, it has a been a wacky roller coaster ride (if that is not crazy enough!) - Luckily, I have a very caring husband and a toddler / pre-teen (LOL) that grows so wickedly quick. They are really my strength.
Give people what they need: food, medicine, clean air, pure water, trees and grass, pleasant homes to live in, some hours of work, more hours of leisure.
Don’t ask who deserves it.
Every human being deserves it.
Howard Zinn, Marx in Soho: A Play on History
(via theisticimpressions)
This is my contribution to the @artblackout. Writing is hard, as is arting. I don't want to live in world without content. Don't steal someone else's work.
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