I've gone back and forth with myself on whether or not to make this post, but I'm going to go for it it, because fuck stigmas!! The problem with depression and suicidal thoughts, is that people seem to think there's a face to it. Like you can see it. Pictures 1-5 (properly dubbed "The Bathroom Floor Chronicles) were all taken 9/12/17. The day before I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. Had I posted these pictures that night, nobody would have ever guessed. I don't look hopeless, or miserable, or completely done with existence. I look like a 20 year old girl taking selfies with her bestfriend. Pic 6 I took a day or so after getting out. Anybody who knows me knows that my nieces and nephews are my whole entire world. That picture with Isabella, while you can't SEE the depression, you can definitely see the toll my worst episode to date had taken on me. Pics 7&8 I took over this past summer. I looked tired, maybe not even very happy. But I'm doing the best I have in years, Y E A R S. Some days are hard. Other days are very, very hard. But most days are okay or good. Some are even really great. September is National Suicide Prevention month, and October is Depression Awareness month. Today, September 13, is the one year mark of my hospitalization. It is the only time I've had to stay in a hospital. I was in the hospital for 2 days and there I was diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder, which is just a fancy way to say "clinical depression". This is something I will battle my whole, something I /HAVE/ battled my whole life. Clinical depression does not go away. It's a mental illness from imbalanced chemicals in the head. Right now, I have to take medicine to help me balance those chemicals. Hopefully one day they can get their shit together and produce the stuff themselves. But until then I take meds. And there's nothing wrong with that. But I will always experience depressive episodes, with or without things to trigger them, with or without meds. That's just life. And I'm learning to cope. I'm getting better. And I'd like to think it only goes up from here #suicidepreventionmonth #depressionawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness https://www.instagram.com/p/Bnr-B7rnPJ5/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1gtle0bsmbatq
